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Elias never expected to get married. When he was a small child, the idea of marrying some faceless woman repelled him. When he became old enough to discover what direction his feelings actually fell in, he resigned himself to a life of solitude. The mere idea of two men marrying was laughable to most everyone in those days, save a few pretend ceremonies they would hold at the molly houses to give an illusion of legal legitimacy.
Which was precisely why, the moment marriage became legal between two men, Elias jumped at the opportunity. Or perhaps more accurately, jumped his on-again, off again lover, Peter. He finally had the opportunity to know what marriage was like and certainly was not going to ignore it.
In hindsight he somewhat wondered why he bothered. The wedding had been a delight to plan and being able to watch Peter give a guest to his patron had been fun. But as the months went on Elias remembered a crucial detail he had been trying to ignore. Namely, that Peter Lukas was a Lukas .
Peter was at sea most of the time, inattentive, and had refused to consummate the marriage at all until three weeks after the ceremony, claiming social exertion. In the rare instances he was in London, he avoided conversation, ate the food in the fridge that clearly did not belong to him, and would claim the couch, taking the side Elias preferred. Additionally, before the ceremony Peter had forced him to sign a pren-up preventing him from accessing any further funds for his institute.
In short, Elias was beginning to have regrets. He should have known what he was getting into, Peter was hardly his first Lukas, but Elias didn’t have any more interesting choices for husbands.
There were days, after a bout of congress or a successful sacrifice, that Elias actually enjoyed Peter’s company. He was interesting to gain information from and they shared a mutual disdain for most people. Peter also knew not to overstay his welcome and would vanish soon enough that Elias didn’t grow bored of him. The latter was a rare quality in people and Elias was quite pleased to see it in his husband.
Unfortunately he could see the same metrics inside Peter’s head about himself. Weighing the benefits of Elias’ cold indifference against his own disgust for companionship. Frequently Elias noted, he was on the wrong end of that balance.
The issues in Elias’ marriage were ultimately easy to ignore, as his husband was rarely home. Sometimes in his absence Elias took on other lovers that he neglected to tell Peter about, sometimes he would play the dutiful partner and remain celebate. Most often, ideas of romance would abandon his mind in favor of his devotion to the Institute and the Eye. After all, romance was a fleeting human matter; knowledge was eternal.
Unfortunately, the institute’s budget was beginning to strain, due to the efforts of Gertrude Robinson. Apparently she was no longer content to go gallivanting about on her own but had brought Albrecht’s great great great grandson along with her. Why Gertrude decided to choose the spawn of Mary Keay as her traveling companion was a question that even Elias didn't have an answer for. As he wasn’t even an employee Elias couldn’t count him as personnel and was having to get creative about his accounting.
In short, he needed to find a way to inject funding into his budget without having to report it to the donors. They would ask too many questions about the man and the further his respectable donors were kept from Gerard Keay, the better.
It was late one night in early March that Elias thought of a way to fix both problems simultaneously.
It was a rare night when Peter was in the house. They had hardly spoken, Elias doing some paperwork and Peter watching one of his train documentaries. After the word ‘divorce’ had crept across Peter’s mind more often than usual, Elias retreated to his bedroom to think. He wasn’t opposed to divorce in theory but it felt a bit like losing if Peter was the first one to call for it. He needed to fix this.
When Elias was a young man, marriages ended in death. Short of a handful of extreme cases, there were no divorces any more than there were lightbulbs, phones, or traffic lights.
His parents had a good marriage, cut short only by his father’s early death. Perhaps there was a way that he could use the same tactics to keep the one he had.
What had his parents done to keep their marriage intact? His father had been an archetypical gentleman, his mother…
His mother was an expert on manipulation. Perhaps that was what had kept them together all those years.
She would throw a fit of hysterics at the slightest provocation, or simply out of boredom. She was doting and controlling in equal measures, though he had managed to escape any semblance of control she had over him by virtue of birth.
What was it she had told him, all those years ago?
“There is an art to managing a husband. The trick is to make them think that everything you do for them is a favor, and every idea they have that benefits you is the most brilliant one they’ve ever had. And when they do act on something that benefits you, provide an equal benefit in return. And when they step out of line you make sure they regret it. A minor offense deserves a battery of defense until they decide it is simpler to make you happy.”
While this was largely sage advice it reminded him of another part of that conversation from all those years ago. (whether that was him or the Eye informing him was anyone’s guess)
She had a trick for obtaining money from his father. She would bury an object of his in the garden and then offer to buy a replacement when he couldn’t find it. Mother would then pocket the money and retrieve the item.
If he used this for his own marriage, Peter would find a utilitarian purpose for him and the balance would shift in his favor. And he could cover the costs of Gerard Keay.
In later years he would claim he didn’t care about what the fallout would be and would pretend the first part of his calculations did not exist.
In the moment, however, he picked up Peter’s favorite cufflinks- a pair of silver anchors- put them in a box, and buried them in the backyard where they would be undisturbed.
Elias Watched the space to ensure that.
It was as Peter was leaving again that he asked the question. “Elias, have you seen my cufflinks?”
“I haven’t looked.” Elias glanced up from his crossword.
“Could you?”
“I have no interest in abusing my patron-”
“-You spent the entire night last night watching the neighbors argue. It’s hardly an abuse of your patron-”
“-Since you last wore them… six months ago …you seem to have knocked them into the sink where they fell down the drain. The water corroded the silver and eventually they were expelled from the plumbing entirely.”
Peter’s face fell. “Oh,” was all he said.
“If you give me the money to pay for a new set I can get it for you before your next visit.”
His eyes narrowed, “you’re being nice to me. Why?”
“I’m being a proper husband.” Elias quickly realized that was an obvious lie. “Besides, the man who sells them recently had an encounter with the Buried and I’m keen to get his statement.”
Peter shrugged, “less work for me.” he handed Elias a thick stack of cash.
“The cufflinks cost this much?” Elias arched an eyebrow. If they did, it was highway robbery.
“Oh I don’t remember how much they were but that should cover it. You can spend the rest, I don’t care.”
Elias made sure to keep a straight face until Peter left before falling onto the couch, clutching the notes and kicking his legs in the air. His mother was right. He couldn’t believe the woman who had tried to starve his father once out of spite was right.
He retrieved the cufflinks and placed them in the chest that was reserved for Peter’s belongings.
The money was enough to cover that boy with the tasteless tattoos’ travels. However, Elias had discovered a way to make the marriage more fun for himself. He hadn’t thought that manipulation and scheming could make marriage as fun as his old flings- he felt young again.
When Peter returned he found the cufflinks, deemed them satisfactory, and then showed Elias further appreciation.
When he finished, Elias decided to hide his beard trimmer. He ‘borrowed’ it and then made a grand show of it dying pressing the dull part of the edge against various surfaces to alter the pitch before hurling insults at the “broken” device.
“If you give me the money I can pay for a new one.”
“You broke it.”
“I did not . It was sounding off when I first started using it, couldn’t you hear? It must have been doing that for a while.”
“I didn’t notice.”
“You rarely do.”
Peter sighed, “it had a good run.” He handed over the money.
Elias decided never to do that again. He had to make it appear in new condition to return it to Peter and the hairs wedged in every crevice.made it more difficult.
He gave Peter the “new one” three days later and Peter was delighted.
“It’s just like my old one!” he exclaimed. “I don’t even have to remember any new buttons!”
“Indeed.”
Peter showed his appreciation again. Elias was certainly not going to complain. He rather enjoyed having sex with his husband and was somewhat miffed he had to share him with a boat. More so that the boat seemed to win most of the time.
Elias knew even then he should have stopped. Or at the very least waited several years so Peter could forget about the earlier incidents. But he was having too much fun.
He took that horrible little captain's hat the next time Peter returned and put it inside a shoebox before burying it in the yard. It was a foggy day and he wiped the condensation from his forehead before going inside.
“I’m back,” he called before settling into an armchair.
“From your walk?” Peter asked, materializing at the end of the hallway.
“Yes, Peter,” Elias sighed and distracted himself by watching his neighbor accidentally pour her coffee on her houseplant.
“Have you seen my hat?” Peter asked
“I haven’t looked.”
“It’s a bit odd that things have been going missing like that lately isn’t it?”
“Hmm, well, maybe you should take more care.”
Peter appeared in front of him and Elias gave him his full attention.
Peter flinched before speaking, “I noticed something odd the other day.”
“We serve the fears, Peter. And besides, I assumed that was my job.”
“The beard trimmer you got me.”
Elias decided the matter had actually become serious. Notes of alarm went off in his mind.“What about it?”
“Well, I found one of my hairs in it. Before I used it.”
“And this was the other day? ” Elias stalled
“You know how time works in the Lonely. But is this the same beard trimmer?”
“Same brand at least.”
“Elias…”
“What?”
“I just watched you bury my hat in the yard. I want a divorce.”
“ Damn you Peter!”