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When his eyes opened, he was already sitting upright on a chair. Did he doze off? How could that have happened to him at his own birthday party? Wait… birthday party? Jisung’s eyes widened and he looked down at his hands, opening and closing his fists a few times. He looked up to see an old, rickety table sat before him. He tried to move his chair forward to tuck himself in, but found that it didn’t budge at all. And he couldn’t stand, either. It was like he was glued to the chair. An uncomfortable string dug into the skin of his chin and he attempted to adjust it, before taking it off entirely. It was a plain white party hat. Right, because it was apparently his birthday. But he didn’t remember ever agreeing to hold a birthday party in some nasty, decrepit building.
Curiously, his eyes wandered around the room, which caused him to notice something strange. The building resembled his apartment. His childhood town had been in development for the past few years, and they had renovated an old block of apartments. Jisung, not wanting to live with his parents for the rest of his life, moved into the newly refurbished building in the hopes that he’d be able to build some sort of independent life now that his friends had all moved away for college and work. He blinked a few times as he stared at the broken window of the apartment, and at a door that was hanging off of its hinges.
Suddenly, candles burst to light and Jisung snapped his head back to the table. A cake was there now, when it hadn’t been before, and it had way too many candles on it. So many, that the smoke forming above his head was starting to look like a dreary rain cloud. There were presents on the table, too, wrapped in golden bows with pristine and pretty wrapping paper. When he picked one of the smaller ones up, though, it was about as light as he’d imagine an empty box to be. Or, maybe he had just been moving so many heavy boxes that he had no idea what a normal box felt like. He shook the gift next to his ear and frowned. Nothing rattled within the box. To his left, a much smaller box of a peculiar shape caught his eye. It had blue and black striped wrapping paper, a stark contrast to the other beige and white presents that surrounded him. Not that he could see it, really, as the smoke from the candles was getting a little unbearable. For whatever reason, though, he wasn’t afraid. He didn’t feel the need to blow them out.
What he felt instead, though, was dread. A dark little feeling that pooled in the pit of his stomach like a rock. A cruel, snide laugh filled his ears. A sound that was most familiar to him, but it had never sounded this cruel before. He looked up once more from the fiery blaze of his birthday cake and there stood Chenle. There was no gaze of familiarity or warmth, only of frustration and disdain. “Why’d you drag me all the way here for this?” He sneered, looking down at Jisung in a way he never quite had before. “Why did you make me waste my time?” Jisung’s lips parted in shock, Chenle had never spoken to him like that before. It was so strange and so cold. Unsettling and rather jarring. “What do you mean?” He asked, his throat dry and his voice raspy for a reason he couldn’t quite place.
“Your shitty birthday party, duh,” Donghyuck’s voice chimed out like a knell on a dim, sorrowful afternoon. His voice was filled with hatred. “Why did you waste our time, Park Jisung?” Jisung’s eyes widened and he looked at his two best friends in utter confusion, the reflection of the burning candles casting a low light on their otherwise dark, scornful faces. “Why did I waste your time? Well… you didn’t have to come!” Jisung desperately reasoned, his brows furrowing and his chest twinging with some amount of pain. “We only came because you’d cry if we didn’t, wouldn’t you? You’d whine and whine in the group chat about being left out!” An uncomfortable feeling crawled its way up Jisung’s throat as Renjun’s voice and face suddenly appeared from the thick smoke cloud that now surrounded the room. “We don’t have time for you anymore, Jisung, but you keep insisting that we come back. Do you get some sort of enjoyment out of getting in the way of our lives?” Jeno joined in on the parade of cruelty. Then came Jaemin and then, finally, came Mark.
The six of them stood around the table, each with their own expression of loathing. And Jisung couldn’t move, no matter how hard he tried to separate his body from the chair, he was trapped. “Guys, I didn’t make you come! I-If you didn’t want to come, you could have just said!” He reasoned, his voice raising an octave as he became more and more panicked. A fire alarm sounded, one that reminded him of the fire drills that would happen at school, and he could hear people screaming and shouting in the distance. And yet, there he was, stuck in place and forced to listen to his best friends insulting and mocking him. “Hear that? Yeah, that’s all your fault, Jisung,” Jaemin clicked his tongue in disgust, pulling a face at the targeted boy.
“I didn’t mean to!” Jisung sniffled, his fingers threading through his hair and pulling at it in an attempt to ground himself. “If you didn’t mean to, if you were sorry at all, you wouldn’t have done it in the first place,” Mark taunted. The onslaught of insults and nonsensical jabs continued until their voices merged and combined in unnatural ways. The screams got louder. The fire alarm bleated uselessly. Jisung ducked his head down and stared at his feet, tears spilling from his eyes effortlessly. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” He called out to the noise that had all blurred together into one, offensive sound that insulted Jisung’s ears. It was too much, he couldn’t handle it and he couldn’t move.
Jisung woke with a shuddering gasp. His hand clutched his heart and he heaved in deep breaths, gulping the air greedily. A sliver of light peeked through his curtains, which weren’t completely closed, and he sighed. It was just a nightmare. A terrible nightmare. He used to get nightmares a lot as a kid, but never any that were that bad. He was nervous, clearly, since today was the day that he and his best friends had scheduled to meet up. After months of being apart, they hadn’t truly gotten together to catch up. Some of his friends had college while the others had big career paths laid out for them. Yet here Jisung was, still living in their hometown and helping with his parents’ family business. Left behind in the dust like an old, forgotten memory.
Deep down, he knew that they hadn’t forgotten about him. That they didn’t feel burdened or annoyed by his messages. They were too close for that to ever be an issue, really. He supposed the feeling of abandonment was inevitable when he’d see Chenle update his social media about basketball games and see Mark making his music. It felt like all six of them were out there making it big, and he wasn’t. It’s not that he didn’t have any aspirations or plans, he just wanted to take it slow. He didn’t want to rush.
Jisung checked his phone, which had a reminder plastered on the screen that today was their meet-up day. There was no reason to feel as nervous as he did, but he just couldn’t help it. It was hard to tell whether the jitters he was having as he slid out of his bed and went to change clothes were from the nerves or the excitement. Either way, he wasted no time in getting ready. The chances of him being the first to arrive were pretty high, he’d say. The plan was to meet up at the old tree near the park in their hometown. When they were younger, it was the place they’d often reunite at, even after just having seen each other at school. It was an important place, where homework was forgotten and their bond became unbreakable.
He walked by some of the boxes that were still stacked in his lounge and bit the inside of his cheek. It’d already been a good few weeks since he moved into the newly renovated apartments, and he still hadn’t fully unpacked. He had spent most of his time staring out of the window at night, gazing longingly at the moon and the stars. When he wasn’t doing that, trapped within a daydream, he was in bed or playing video games. On some days, life felt like a purgatory to Jisung. A sad world he couldn’t quite escape; a reality that never played out the way he wanted it to. He often questioned his life, his meaning and his goals. What was there to do? Why didn’t he go to college when his parents gave him the chance? Was it because he didn’t want to, or was he scared? It was hard to say.
Despite being close in age with all of his friends, all of them were a bit older. He remembered the sombre feeling of Mark leaving for school – leaving the six of them behind. There were seven, then six, then five, then three, then two and now there was only one. Jaemin and Jeno had left home together, having always been attached at the hip. Chenle was the last to go. Jisung remembered that day better than he remembered Mark’s departure, because he knew that Mark would come back on weekends and even with the eldest gone Jisung was never truly alone. But when Chenle left, with him he took a piece of Jisung. They all did. It was easy to meet up at first, through calls and chats. But eventually, calls became scarce, since their schedules all conflicted. That left these rare meet ups to only happen once every few months. Sometimes even longer than that.
He locked the door to his apartment and he checked the time. Early. Painfully so. But he just couldn’t wait any longer. He had to start moving. His thoughts ran best when he was moving, anyway.
His legs had taken him all over town before he came to a halt at the tree. He was late, now, that’s what he got for taking a detour. Something wasn’t quite right, though. Nobody was there. Slowly, he stepped closer – looking around in the hopes that this was a prank or a misunderstanding. But nobody was there. There were no messages and no calls on his phone. “It’s okay.” He mumbled to himself, trying his best to rationalise the situation in his head. “Maybe they’re just late!”
He waited… And he waited… And he waited. But nothing happened. Nobody came. Even an hour or so after the planned meet time, Jisung was still standing alone under the tree. Was this a cruel joke? Did he do something wrong? His first instinct was to check their group chat on his phone, but there were no signs of malice or upset in any of their previous messages from days ago. So what happened?
Before he could even begin to panic, something odd caught his eye. Something small sat at the base of the old tree, mostly hidden in the tall grass. Jisung frowned and moved closer to the thing, trying to figure out what it possibly could be. Upon closer inspection, the thing was a doll. A doll that looked oddly familiar to Jisung. It was a small thing with a plush body, brown hair, an outfit that was eerily similar to what Jisung was wearing and ebony buttons for eyes. The doll smiled up at him lifelessly, and his eyebrows pinched together. He held it in his hands, inspecting every inch of the doll that somehow resembled him exactly. It was scary, even, how uncanny the resemblance was.
Was this a part of a prank? Who had made this doll and more importantly, where had it come from? The little button eyes stared back up at him, a void of nothing that still somehow managed to unsettle him a little bit. At this point, he was sure that nobody was coming. He was all alone, with only the miniature doll version of him for company. Defeated, Jisung decided to trudge home – dangling the little doll from his hand as he held onto its tiny, plush arm.
Nobody had come to see him and Jisung feared that maybe his nightmares were real. Maybe they held a fragment of the truth within them. Was he truly holding his friends back? Did they not want to see him at all? Maybe it was all true. That solemn thought that sat deep in the pit of Jisung’s stomach stayed with him the entire time he trudged back to his apartment.
He threw the doll onto his bedside table as soon as he made his way back, along with his phone and headphones. He sat on the edge of the bed, staring at the reflection in the smudged mirror he brought from his parents’ house. Everything was changing. And sometimes, not for the better. He moved house, his friends didn’t even want to come home to visit and his parents were still asking if he’d ever move to the city to find work. It felt like nobody wanted him, nobody cared for him.
He let himself fall down until his back hit the mattress with a soft bounce. The exhaustion had finally caught up to him, and he felt himself slip into a light sleep.
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He was back at the tree. Though everything felt darker and gloomier than it was before. The lush green of the grass was replaced by a dried up, dead, almost yellowish colour. The large tree that had been standing for decades had somewhat shrivelled, missing its leaves completely while the wood looked dark and strange, almost like charcoal.
Dazed, he sat up straight. His head felt like it was spinning around and around. A pale hand came into his line of sight, offering him help to stand up. The arm was paler than any human’s arm he’d ever seen before. Almost lifeless. Like porcelain or perhaps plush doll skin. He looked up to meet Renjun’s gaze, only… Renjun’s eyes were dark, almost black, and looking slightly dead. “You’re here,” Jisung croaked out, taking the smaller man’s hand and letting Renjun pull him up with surprising strength. “When did you get here?” Without answering his question, Renjun reached up to trace a cold finger around Jisung’s eyes. Just under his waterline, he flicked his lashes and gently pinched the skin to get a closer look at his eyeballs. “You have such nice eyes, Jisungie.” He complimented suddenly, giving a smile that held no warmth within it. “I’m a bit jealous.”
Renjun tugged Jisung’s arm along and they got closer to the deceased looking tree from the past. No longer did it hold memories of summer afternoons spent putting textbooks aside and making silly paper crafts. It held nothing but withering pasts and hopeless futures. All six of them sat under it, all looking as pale and dead as Renjun did. “How long have you been waiting for me?” Jisung mumbled his query, his eyebrows pinched as he looked at the empty smiles all of his friends gave him. “It doesn’t matter really, does it?” Jeno said, smiling somehow wider in an unnatural sort of way. It was a smile that nearly split his face in two, literally. “You’re here now, that’s all that we should care about!”
The edges of Jisung’s vision become blurry and unclear – like he couldn’t quite imagine what would happen next. Something strange was definitely afoot, though. He turned back to look at Renjun, only to gasp and see that the shorter man was no longer a human. Well, if he had even been human to begin with. Instead, he had become a small, plush doll with yarn for his fluffy brown hair and black buttons that replaced his already darkened eyes. “What? What happened to Renjun?” Jisung asked, terrified. When he whipped his head around to stare at his other friends – they were all shrinking too. It was almost like they were melting down into something else. They had soon all been replaced with little doll replicas, each with black buttons for eyes. Jisung blinked rapidly, rubbing his eyes to make sure everything he was seeing was real. “What the… how?” He stammered out, looking down at the little dolls with fear and confusion. The world was slowly becoming bigger and bigger, and before he knew it he, too, was turning into a doll.
Jisung’s eyes flew open and he sucked in too much air, causing him to have a coughing fit. Was that another bad dream? Another nightmare that somehow plagued his mind? He looked down at his arms and saw that the doll of himself, that he had clearly put on his bedside table, was now nestled between his arms like a cuddly toy – still smiling mindlessly at him. In confusion, he dropped the doll back onto the bed and sat up. Quickly, he shifted himself backwards to get away from the doll, as if it was going to get up and follow him. “When did I pick that up?” He asked himself, shaken. He must’ve rolled around in his sleep and grabbed the doll to hug it. Yeah. That’s the explanation. There was nothing weird going on at all. He stared at the doll for a few solid moments so he was sure that it wouldn’t move. Jisung glanced at the alarm clock he had. He had only been asleep for half an hour, but somehow it felt like an eternity.
His head began to feel a dull ache and he reached his cold hand up to rest against his warm forehead. Jisung stood up on wobbly legs, walking forward like a newborn deer. It was almost like the dream had caused him to forget how to walk properly. The eerie reminder of what he had dreamed of sent a chill down his spine. He sidestepped past some filled boxes on his way to the kitchen in his short quest to get a glass of water. The newly renovated apartments weren’t all that spacious, but they were enough. He didn’t need anything more. A small kitchen, a bathroom, a bedroom and a tiny study was more than enough for himself. The boxes that were stacked up to the ceiling weren’t exactly helping with the somewhat cramped feeling one might get if they were to stand in the home. The cold liquid of the water soothed his throat and the bottom of the glass tinkled as it made contact with the faux marble countertop that had been cheaply fixed.
Despite his earlier sadness and disappointment, Jisung decided that there were better things for him to do than to mope and rot in his bed for the remainder of the day. He should consider unpacking a few of these boxes. The cardboard he had packed his entire life into was flimsy and had many scratches and scuffs at the bottom and corners of each box. It was probably best to start in the study, since it truly was the smallest room in the apartment. Jisung wondered if it even counted as a room, it was more like a closet with a desk and a window in it. It was probably no bigger than the average closet, and the desk and chair didn’t leave much space for anything else besides a smaller end table and a blank wall. There were only two boxes in here that probably had stationary and random junk from home that Jisung knew he probably would have parted with, if not for his parents’ insistence on him taking everything. To an outsider, it would probably seem like an act of care, but Jisung knew that it was just so that his parents could turn his old room into something else.
He pried the flimsy tape off of the top of the box and peeled back the layers to reveal a random assortment of junk. He sighed. There was nowhere to put any of this. There was nowhere for the action figures that he used to collect as a kid or the random assortment of paper clips and pull tabs from various soda cans. He would probably have to throw a lot of it out, because he wasn’t sure who in the world would want some dusty relics from memories long gone. The only thing he knew that he could unpack was an old picture that Jaemin’s mother had taken on the film camera the day Jisung had turned eighteen. She got the picture blown up and framed for them all. A small smile came to his face as he looked at all of his friends, including himself, smiling at the camera. They all looked the same as they did now but somehow also completely different. He wiped the caked dust off of the framed picture and turned to hang it up on the blank wall behind him.
After he did, he noticed something off. The corner of the wallpaper was beginning to peel at the bottom of the wall. Jisung’s eyebrows furrowed. Was the renovation really so cheaply done that the wallpaper was already starting to peel? He knelt down on the carper and picked at the corner, something he probably shouldn’t have done. In hindsight, he should have found some tacky glue or something and stuck it back down. But he picked at it and pulled on it harder than he should have, causing the wallpaper to rip off. He sat there in shock for a few moments, holding the bland, yellowish wallpaper fragment in his hand. The wallpaper was concealing something behind it. It looked like a tiny door, or something like that. He decided to try and rip more of the wallpaper off to try and properly see what it was, since the damage had already been done at that point.
Sure enough, it was a small wooden door that would barely be big enough for him to crawl through. It had a golden lock on it that seemed it would only fit an old fashioned key in it. Jisung looked up at the desk and made a sound of confusion. Because his brain was telling him where the key was. The key to a door that he didn’t know existed until just a minute ago. He yanked open the smaller drawer of the desk and looked through the numerous keys that had somehow found their way inside until he found it. He didn’t know why he knew, but he was sure the one at the very bottom was the right key. It was purely black but still felt like heavy metal, with a button-like shape on the end of it. The key felt heavy in his palm, which was strange, because it was so small compared to his hand.
When he closed the drawer and turned back to the small door, his heart skipped a beat at what he saw. Sat in front of the door was the doll. The same doll that he had left on the bed. How the hell did it even get there? Jisung was starting to feel slightly freaked out, so he picked the doll up and threw it out of the door. It hit the metal bed frame and fell to the floor on its face. Jisung scratched the back of his neck, feeling the ache in his head worsen.
He slowly dragged a hand through his hair and took a deep breath, sliding the black key into the golden lock and turning it. A satisfying click echoed from the other side of the door and when Jisung opened it, his eyes widened. Behind the small wooden door was a tunnel that stretched out farther than his eyes could possibly see. The tunnel was circular and had uneven rocks that stuck out at awkward angles but were never jagged. In fact, they had a similar appearance to crystals, with some parts of the rocks glowing and shimmering with greens and purples and blues. It was like the northern lights had been reflected into one tunnel. He squinted, trying to see if there was any sign of the end. There was no light, though, just miles and miles of shifting colours. How could that be possible? His apartment was on the second story, so how could this tunnel be real?
Curiosity spiked his thoughts and he quickly made the decision to crawl forward into the tunnel, leaving the key, the doll and his phone behind. Leaving it all behind. If he had just turned back once, checked his phone once, he might’ve seen the numerous calls and texts his friends were sending his way. But he was committed now. He felt like he barely fit in the tunnel at all, like it was more so built for a child’s frame and not his own long, adult body. As he crawled along the cold stone of the tunnel, he could slowly see something beginning to form at the end. Warm, yellowish light that shone through the cracks of something old and wooden. Perhaps it was a wall, or another door. But Jisung was fully determined to find out now. When he was about three quarters of the way to the exit, a familiar aroma filled his senses. Confused, he stopped moving to double check the smell. It smelled like a bunch of things that were mixed into one, comforting scent.
The scent of childhood, the scent of good food, the smell of grass that would be stained on his clothes after playing tag and other games with his friends in his youth. He made his way even closer to the end of the tunnel until he arrived at another door. Being as quiet as he could be, he leaned closer to try and peer through one of the gaps in the wood. It looked like a house, maybe some fusion of his parents’ house and the apartment he was currently living in, because the apartment looked more well decorated and less cramped than his actually did. He could hear familiar hushed voices in the distance and the tell tale sound of Chenle’s laughter. Jisung immediately knew that what was happening was weird, bizarre even, but somehow he just couldn’t bring himself to feel concerned about it. His chest had a warm feeling inside of it that made him smile. Like he had just slipped into a warm bath on a cold day. Like this was home. His true home.
He hesitated for a moment before pushing on the door, causing it to slowly open with a groan. He crawled out of the tunnel and immediately sat up so he could properly stretch, feeling his joints popping from being cramped. The slow throb in his head had vanished, and he somehow felt ten times better just sitting on the floor of this house than he ever did in his own home. Jisung heard steps approaching him and he held his breath, not knowing what might reveal itself to him.
“Oh, Jisung! You’re here! Finally!” Donghyuck's voice surprised him, making his head shoot up to see what was happening. There was no sneer in his tone, he sounded the same as he always did. His voice held the same warmth that Jisung was used to. Everything was the same, from his black shirt to his shorts to his slippers. But something was off about him. Jisung didn’t really notice it until Donghyuck gave him a hand to help him up and he was staring it right in the eyes. “Gah!” Jisung squeaked in alarm as he made eye contact with the soulless black buttons that replaced Donghyuck’s eyes. “What’s wrong?” The smaller man asked, tilting his head to the side and frowning. “Did I startle you? Sorry about that!” His frown soon melted away into the smile that he was familiar with. The blackened button eyes were just… jarring.
“We’ve been waiting for you for a while, y’know,” he said, taking Jisung’s larger hands into his own. Jisung was almost one hundred percent sure that the real Donghyuck’s hands were not usually this soft, but it didn’t really matter to him anymore. This lookalike was treating him warmer than the real Donghyuck had been. “I missed you a lot,” his voice was soft, like he was relaying a secret. He pinched Jisung’s face between his thumb and his other four fingers and grinned widely. “You’ve always had such pretty eyes, Jisungie. They sparkle the most when you get excited, are you happy to see me?” Jisung could feel Donghyuck’s other hand caressing its thumb across Jisung’s much larger, shaky hand. “I guess I'm excited, seeing you always makes my day happy,” he wouldn’t have ever said something so corny to the real Donghyuck, but here it just felt right to say. The replica’s smile widened and he began to tug Jisung along. “Come on! We’re in the lounge! Jaemin cooked a lot of stuff tonight,” he explained lightheartedly. Jisung’s lip fell between his teeth. He felt like enjoying this was a forbidden act but he just couldn’t stop himself from enjoying it.
Jisung didn’t resist as Other Donghyuck pulled him to the lounge, which had the same comfy couch that his parents had for years up until Jisung was fourteen. It had been worn too much by then, so it had to be thrown out. A shame, really. But it was sitting here, in his lounge, being sat on by his five friends who each also had buttons for eyes. Like it had never been thrown away. “Jisungie!” Other Renjun cheered, clapping his small hands together excitedly. “You made it!” Other Mark smiled, the stretch of his lips made Jisung’s heartbeat quicken just a bit. It felt so warm despite the weirdness of everything. “We were waiting for you, it’s about time you showed up!” Other Chenle teased him, just like he would in the real world. It felt so surreal, yet at the same time it truly felt like he was home. Was it bad of him to want a fantasy more than his reality? “Sorry if I was late, I didn’t know you’d be waiting for me–” Other Donghyuck pressed his index finger to Jisung’s lips to shush him. Obediently, he stopped talking and didn’t even make a sound. “Just sit, Jisungie, we’ve missed you. You should tell us about what you’ve been up to while Jeno and Jaemin finish in the kitchen.” He gently nudged Jisung to sit down on the couch right between Other Renjun and Other Mark. He should have felt uncomfortable and squished, but somehow the minimal space was alright. It was cosy, if anything.
“What have I been up to? Well I was just moving in and working with my parents. The usual. It’s nothing interesting.” He sighed gloomily, feeling silly for even having to talk about it. Other Chenle made a cooing sound. “Don’t bring yourself down like that, we want to know! Don’t skip any detail.” He said with a warm grin. Jisung could feel a slight blush come to his cheeks. “Are you sure? We could talk about you guys if you wanted.” He wasn’t entirely sure what they’d talk about if given the chance, he wasn’t even really sure what any of them even were. Living dolls? Clones? Replicas? Was this all just a dream? “Nonsense, Jisungie!” Other Jaemin emerged from the kitchen, which also looked much better than Jisung’s real kitchen. He could just about see some family photos that had been hung up by the stove. He smiled to himself, this version of his house was so quaint and cute. “We want to hear all about you. Like Donghyuck said, we miss you!” He placed a plate on the table in front of the couch and hummed. “Jeno and I made a few different dishes for everyone. This bulgogi is for you, though,” His smile was radiant, and Jisung could feel his face heating up way more than it should. “Do you want water, too? Or beer maybe?” The hospitality wasn’t at all dissimilar to the real Jaemin. These replicas did definitely hold some similarities to his real friends. “Uh, just water, please,” Jisung bashfully bowed.
“Well, work’s been a pain lately. Dad keeps trying to get me to help make the financial decisions and I have no idea what to say or do about it.” He explained, somewhat thankful to have ears to listen to him but also a bit embarrassed by it. Not all of them were paying their undivided attention to him, but most of them were. Other Chenle and Other Jeno were having a quiet chat, but Jisung knew they were still mostly paying attention. “I know he wants me to take over the business but I don’t want to live in my hometown forever. You guys all left, I don’t like being the one that’s left behind.” He said stubbornly. He felt Renjun’s hand come to rest on his knee. “You aren’t left behind here, Jisungie. We’re all right here, aren’t we? We won’t ever leave you.” The reassurance and the firmness in Other Renjun's voice made his heart swell. He hadn’t expected them to be so earnest with him. Other Mark leaned his head on Jisung’s shoulder affectionately. “Jun’s right, we’re all here. We all love you. There’s no reason for you to feel alone again while you’re here.” Jisung smiled, thanking them for their kindness. He knew deep down that this was just a fantasy and that he should probably go home before he got too excited by the idea of staying with the replicas of his friends forever. Nothing about this world was real, surely.
The thought quickly slipped out of his mind as he was presented with more food, more conversations and more comfort. The replicas of his friends busied his mind with thoughtful questions and prompts, leaving him with no chance to think of anything but them. They happened to be more flirtatious than his real friends, too. It wasn’t an unwelcome change. Sure, he’d had his fair share of flirty exchanges and even chaste kisses between his real friends as they had grown up and tried to understand themselves – but Jisung was sure by now that none of his real friends had any interest in him. Evidently not, if they hadn’t even shown up to meet him. There was still a part of him deep down that wanted to believe that it was just a mistake, that they got the dates muddled up. But really, what were the chances? An unusual silence passed through the room. It had only been unusual because it had been filled with idle chatter for the past few hours. All eyes were on him and he swallowed thickly.
His mind was in two places, the first wanted to stay and let himself be doted on and fawned over by these clones of his friends in this fantasy world. The second one, however, knew that he couldn’t stay. He had to face his problems eventually. Jisung’s mouth opened and closed a few times, unsure of how to excuse himself from these very enthusiastic doppelgangers. “It was really nice meeting you all, honestly you cheered me up a lot,” he began, voice unsteady and a bit afraid. He really didn’t want to hurt their feelings. “But I think it’s time for me to go home. It’s been a lot of fun but–”
“Hey, Jisungie? How about you and me go for a walk outside?” Other Renjun’s voice had cleanly cut through Jisung’s words and he offered a polite smile. Surprised, Jisung’s eyebrows raised and he tilted his head to the side – curious as to why Other Renjun had suddenly decided to ask now. The clone’s hand rested on top of his and he felt the smaller man subtly intertwine their fingers, all with a romantic smile. “That sounds like a great idea, Jun!” Other Jeno nodded enthusiastically as he clapped his hands together. “You can show him the gift!” That piqued Jisung’s interest. A gift? That they had prepared for him before he arrived? Were they expecting him to arrive, then? A slight chill crept up Jisung’s spine at the thought that this fantasy and these fake versions of his friends had been waiting for him to discover them. He quickly brushed that feeling aside, though. There was nothing ominous about any of what was happening. He smiled and nodded as he saw the expectant looks of his Other friends. “It’s a great present, Jisungie,” Other Donghyuck chirped, brushing his hand through Jisung’s hair. “Yeah, we prepared it especially for you.” Other Chenle agreed.
When Other Renjun took his hand and led him away from the lounge, he heaved a sigh of relief. Having all of their watchful eyes (or… buttons?) on him made him feel the slightest bit jittery, truth be told. “It’s a bit much, isn’t it? I could tell you were getting overwhelmed.” Other Renjun smiled, opening the front door to the apartment and leading the taller man outside.
The outside of the apartments were far less whimsical than the inside, which Jisung supposed made sense because there was nothing interesting or special about the outside. Well, that’s what he first thought. When he looked up at the night sky, his jaw dropped. The stars and constellations twinkled in the inky abyss above him, making him feel like a kid again. When he and Renjun were younger they’d sneak out at night to go stargazing. Sometimes their other friends would accompany them, usually Mark or Chenle. Now that Jisung was older, he understood that the light pollution made it harder to see the stars in the sky even in the middle of the night. “Calm down,” Other Renjun teased, nudging Jisung’s arm with his elbow. “You’re still so jittery. We’re alone now!” He turned his head up towards the sky and smiled. “They’re pretty, right? C’mon, I want to show you something prettier.”
They took the usual route that led to the old tree. Just like when Jisung was a kid, Other Renjun had mapped out every step accordingly. Unlike in real life, though, where the tree was starting to show its age and had less leaves sprouting on it – it looked evergreen. It was lush, and there were small lanterns that hung off of the sturdier branches. By the base of the tree, there was a blanket laid out that reminded Jisung of one that his mother would give him to use in the summer when they were spending more time outside. A few moths fluttered by the lanterns and fireflies twinkled in the grass. Other Renjun took a seat on the blanket and patted the spot next to him invitingly. “Bring back any memories?” He asked with a knowing smile on his lips, like he knew what sorts of things the imagery was doing to Jisung. Slowly, Jisung was able to move forward and take a seat beside Other Renjun. “This is so pretty. It reminds me so much of my childhood.” He said warmly, looking through the leaves at the stars with a grin.
He felt Other Renjun rustle next to him and he turned his head to see the small gift box that the smaller man had pulled out of his jacket pocket. “We prepared this gift for you because we knew that you were coming. I wanted to make it as special as possible and ideally we would’ve spent more time together before I gave this to you but… well, you wanted to leave so I thought now would be better!” He explained bashfully, like a nervous partner who was about to propose. “If you want to stay here with us, this gift is necessary!” He put the small box into Jisung’s hands and smiled invitingly. “You can open it, I want to explain it to you.”
Jisung looked down at it with a curious expression. It truly was small, it couldn’t hold that much in it, surely. “You didn’t have to get me anything, Renjun, thank you,” he said honestly. It felt a little weird addressing this clone as Renjun when it clearly wasn’t, but he didn’t want to possibly offend him. Staying in this fantasy world with the other friends sounded like a dream come true, really. But he didn’t know whether it was actually a good idea or not. Something about it felt odd. He slid the lid off of the box, and suddenly his heart got lodged in his throat at what he saw. The warmth in the atmosphere quickly dropped to an ice cold chill. “Buttons…?” He asked, looking up at Other Renjun for confirmation.
“Yes, Jisungie, buttons. Black is the traditional colour, but if you’d prefer pink, or vermilion or maybe chartreuse – I can help you with that! But you might make one of the others jealous…” He trailed off with a sheepish giggle. Jisung stared down at the box again. Two black buttons and a needle and thread sat neatly in it. He blinked, swallowing thickly. It barely took any time to think about his decision. No matter how bad his current situation might be, he refused to let something like this happen to him. “No!” He blurted out, letting go of the box and letting the contents tumble out onto the blanket. “I’m not letting you sew buttons into my eyes!”
The smile from Other Renjun’s face immediately dropped. “What?” He asked, as if he hadn’t expected that this might’ve happened. “Why not? You need to say yes if you want to stay here with us – with me!” He paused, staring directly at Jisung with a firm frown. “Don’t you want to stay here with me? Isn’t all of this better than your real life? Nobody in your world can compare to us.” Jisung swallowed thickly and he shifted himself backwards. The cloak of perfection slowly began to come apart at the seams, and Other Renjun didn’t seem like a sweet replica of the Renjun he knew anymore. He seemed angry. Upset, even. “I’m just gonna go, okay?” He said quietly, moving to stand up when Other Renjun grabbed his wrist in a firm hold. “You aren’t really going yet, right? There’s so much more I can show you! You know that we love you, don’t you?” He asked, sounding desperate for Jisung’s approval. The taller man bit his lip and he glanced up at the leaves of the old tree that flicker between lifeless paper scraps and pretty leaves of evergreen. “I’m sorry, but I really have to go!”
Jisung yanked his arm back from Other Renjun’s grasp as hard as he could, causing the clone to fall over with a grunt. Without thinking, he ran off in the direction of the apartments. He had to get back to the door and go through it as fast as he possibly could. Behind him, he heard the wayward screeching of a creature that was pretending to be Renjun. “You can’t leave us!” It roared. Jisung trembled in fear, his legs carrying him as far as the door to the other apartment. When he opened it, he was immediately met with the disappointed faces of the others. “Jisungie, where are you going?” Other Donghyuck pouted, looking about as distraught as Jisung felt. “I have to go home!” Jisung argued, trying to push past them all. That turned out to be a mistake, and he quickly learned that none of these lookalikes were going to let him leave so easily. Other Jaemin easily overpowered him and pushed him up against the wall, the force of his push knocking the wind out of Jisung and causing the apartment to shake.
“Did we do something wrong?” A voice that didn’t belong to Jaemin left the creature’s mouth and Jisung could only watch in horror as the clones of his friends melted and combined together in strange ways, stretching and changing grossly in front of him until one, lone, spindly creature stood over him – its button eyes boring into him. “You can’t leave now. You don’t truly want to, do you?” The creature asked, its needle-like fingers tapping his chin and making him squeeze his eyes shut with pure, unfiltered fear shaking his core. “The life you lead now is miserable. There is nothing there that will ever make you happy. Your real friends don’t like you, not like I do.” It was hard to pinpoint what exactly the creature was, with its insane proportions and its obsession with staring deeply into Jisung’s eyes. “I can make whatever you want me to make. Only I can truly make you happy. The only thing you would need to exchange for that happiness is…” The creature trails off, and its long, metallic finger taps the side of Jisung’s eye socket.
“Wh-Why do you need them?” He stammered, visibly quivering before the large creature. “The eyes are the windows to the soul,” is all the creature responded with before it began to poke at Jisung’s face curiously. “You’d make a good doll, anyway.” It smiled eerily, and Jisung had a hard time figuring out whether that was a threat or a compliment. “Come on, Jisungie, do you really need to consider it this much?” Renjun’s voice left the creature’s mouth and it tilted its head to the side. “If you stay here with me, you would never have a reason to be sad. To feel pain. To feel anything other than happiness! What’s waiting for you back there?” It asked, grinning madly like it knew it was slowly getting what it wanted.
Jisung considered it for a moment, his mouth going dry. The creature wasn’t wrong, there wasn't anything waiting for him at home yet. But there could be. He knew that if he kept trying, something good was bound to happen eventually. Being in a world where all he would know was happiness and permanent bliss sounded like a good idea on paper, it really did. But Jisung wondered where any of the excitement would come from. Any of the dangers. “I don’t want to stay with you,” he responded, trying to stand his ground against the creature. The thing raised its eyebrow and chuckled. “You don’t? And why is that?”
“Because I don’t want to just feel happiness for the rest of my life. I don’t want to live in a perfect world.”
The creature scowled, clearly not liking his response. It brought its face closer, staring into Jisung’s glossy eyes with its own dark, lifeless ones. “You really think that.” It said, posing it more as a statement or an observation than anything else. The creature didn’t wait before it dragged Jisung from the wall and back to the sitting area of the perfect apartment. “No matter. I don’t need your consent to have what I want.” Mustering up all of the courage and strength he had, Jisung kicked the creature as hard as he could. He surprised himself with his own power, baffled as the creature hissed and growled, keeling over and wailing with pain. “You–” he didn’t wait to hear its words as he bolted for the door, slamming it closed behind him and leaning against it.
“Open the door right now, Jisung! Aren’t we friends?” A chilling chorus of his friends’ voices rang out from behind the door. “No, we aren’t friends,” he clarified coldly. His eyes were fixed on the tiny wooden door that had the tunnel in it and he took a deep breath. The banging got louder and more desperate, with the pleas from the other side sounding like a cacophony of wailing spirits. The room no longer had warm lights and friendly, nostalgic decorations. It slowly began to peel away into a white void of nothingness. Like a sketch on paper rather than a real place. The needle-like fingers of the creature peeked through the small gaps at the side of the door Jisung had been leaning up against.
“You’ll regret ever pushing us away!”
Jisung took that moment to dive for the tunnel and pull himself through it as quickly as he could. He could hear the clattering and screeching from behind him and he heaved deep breaths as he tried so desperately to make his way back home. The tunnel, that was once so beautiful and magical, now resembled an old cupboard or closet if it had been stretched out for a mile. With cobwebs and skittering insects that, much like Jisung, were frantically trying to escape the hissing beast that was catching up to him. He heard scratches and ragged breaths behind him, the hissing and goulish yells that echoed throughout the cramped tunnel shaking Jisung to his very core.
As he began to see the familiar dim light of his apartment in the distance, Jisung felt a small amount of relief come over his body. He was almost home. He could slam the door, lock it and cover it over again, as if this nightmare had never even happened. On the way out of the tunnel, in his rapid movement to escape and trap the creature inside, Jisung smacked his head against the ceiling of the small tunnel really hard – causing his head to throb even worse than it had earlier. In a daze, he slammed the door shut, feeling the aggressive thumps and hammering weight from the other side. “Park Jisung, don’t leave me!” The creature wailed, making Jisung whimper. He didn’t have the time to lock the door behind him, as his head felt suddenly heavy and the small, cramped study he had found the door in began to spin. Jisung fainted right then and there, flopping over onto the old carpet of the study that hadn’t been swapped out at all.
“Yah…”
“Yah!” Jisung woke up, his eyes snapping open to see who or what was shaking him into consciousness. Was it all a bad dream? Another nightmare that gripped his mind like a fly in a spider’s web? His eyes were glued to the man looking down at him. Chenle. It was Chenle. Just normal Chenle. No buttons for eyes, no melting into a small doll and no weird anomalies apart from a small twinkle of unfamiliarity hidden deep within his dark brown eyes. There were no major red flags that Jisung noticed. It was just Chenle. “Finally, you’re up! Where did you even go?” He asked expectantly, pulling Jisung to sit up and patting his head with a frown. “You have a bump here, did you hit your head?” Jisung could only nod. He didn’t know what was real and what wasn’t. He also had the feeling that if he were to tell Chenle that he crawled through a small tunnel to find an alternate universe with a carbon copy of the other in it, he would more than likely receive a smack and a joking laugh.
“We were calling you and texting you for hours. The train home got delayed again!” Chenle clicked his tongue in annoyance, shaking his head at the thought of the inconvenience that befell them. “We made it here finally but then saw you were knocked out. Mark was almost sick with worry.” He smiled a bit, trying to make a small joke out of it which, admittedly, did make Jisung smile as well. Chenle grabbed his hand almost possessively and helped him stand to his feet. He didn’t let go when they were both standing, though, which was a bit peculiar for Chenle. “C’mon, we ordered some cheap takeout from that place down the road from Jeno's mum’s house. I missed that greasy place so badly.”
Jisung let out a sigh of relief. Fortunately, it seemed that nothing was out of the ordinary. He managed to convince himself that all of his dreams and nightmares had just been that. Figments of his stressed imagination. He squinted his eyes as he looked around his bedroom. The doll that shared his likeness was nowhere in sight. “Are you missing something?” Chenle asked with a hum as he noticed Jisung’s wandering gaze. “Yeah, I found this weird doll that looks like me by the old tree. I thought I left it here…”
“Oh, this one? Sorry, was I not allowed to take it?” Jisung swallowed thickly as he made eye contact with Jaemin, who was squeezing the doll in his hands affectionately. He bit down on his lip, trying to ignore the slight squeezing sensation he could feel in his body. It must just be a coincidence. Nothing more. “I just thought it was so cute!” The pink haired man chirped. Jisung couldn't help but notice the same foreign look in Jaemin’s eye. Just like Chenle, it seemed that Jaemin’s eyes were darker than usual. A dark brown that almost looked black and dead. In fact, he began to notice that all of his friends shared the same problem. It must just be tiredness. “Oh, oh, come sit here, Jisungie!” Renjun patted the spot between him and Jeno with a wide grin. “We have to tell you what happened! The train journey was so annoying but there was this one funny part where…”
Jisung felt bad for tuning Renjun’s voice out, but he just couldn’t help it. A bad feeling was rising from within, dread pooling in his gut. All of his friends were keenly listening, so he tried his best to sweep aside any uncertainty and put on a smile.
The night continued normally, just as any night would when Jisung was with his friends. They laughed, shared stories and reminisced. They caught up with each other, and Jisung found himself fascinated to learn what they had all been up to. Discarded on the coffee table that sat beside some more moving boxes that Jisung hadn’t unpacked, behind some takeout packaging, sat a small box. A familiar box. One that held a special gift within it. A gift that, this time, Jisung wouldn’t be allowed to refuse.
The small wooden door creaked open, its noise being drowned out by the talking and laughter of the nearby friends. A long, thin hand reached out from the darkness and tapped its needle-like finger against the floor impatiently. Leaving the world it had created was out of the question, but dragging that boy back into said world… Well, it was most certainly possible. The creature didn’t like to wait, it liked to have what it wanted, when it wanted.
Alas, sometimes patience is a virtue.