Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Contrary to popular belief, Ranpo has always known how to use the train system, and his sense of direction has never actually been that bad. Sure, he didn’t particularly enjoy managing public transport on his own, as it was much too loud and busy, but it didn’t mean that he couldn’t. He preferred to brave the overstimulating subway system with another person to use as an anchor and allow someone else to pay attention to their stop so he could wear his headphones. However, Ranpo was fully capable of both using and coping with it all on his own. 

He did lie to everyone about that, though, so he supposed it was fair that everyone thought he couldn’t. Surprisingly enough, he didn’t lie because he didn’t think friends and coworkers would take him on the train if he asked without a dire reason. He knew that many of them still would, and if they wouldn’t, Edgar definitely would. He was actually never lying for his own benefit, he lied for everyone else’s.

The lying started when he was fifteen, and he’d found it ended up being more helpful than burdensome to his colleagues over the years, so he didn’t feel the need to stop. 

It had all begun eleven years ago with Akiko. The young girl had just been taken in by Fukuzawa, and Ranpo was tasked with keeping an eye on her and making her feel welcome. The first part was easy enough, but Ranpo wasn’t particularly good with people, and he was even worse with their feelings. He really couldn’t figure out why Fukuzawa would’ve tasked him with that, but he would do his best because the older man had asked him to. 

He’d been kicked back in his desk chair, feet up next to his laptop, explaining some of the missions and cases he and Fukuzawa had taken within the last year for about an hour when Yosano actually asked him something. Until that point, Yosano seemed to be listening intently, so Ranpo just kept going. Until she eventually stopped him. 

She put a hand in the air to pause his story and spoke, voice shaking slightly. 

“You said you won’t use me for my ability, right?”

Ranpo couldn’t figure out for the life of him where this was coming from, but he nodded nonetheless. “Of course we won’t.”

“Can I ask you something then, Edogawa?”

Ranpo munched on a piece of chocolate pocky he had and laughed. “Ranpo is fine, and you can ask me anything you want.”

“Why do you and Mr. Fukuzawa keep me around?”

Ranpo startled slightly, sitting up straighter. “What?” 

“Well I guess I just don’t see my use. You say you want me for my kindness, but kindness is not a skill. I can’t actually do anything. You’re so good at detective work, I understand why you’re wanted, but why me?”

Ranpo wanted to scream at her that she doesn’t need to “do anything” to deserve to live here. Tell her that they took her in because she needed a home, they needed to stop Mori from having the Angel of Death, and Fukuzawa has a soft spot for children. But, Ranpo knew better. 

He understood where she was coming from, as he himself often felt like he was being much too much of a burden on Fukuzawa for the man to keep him around. He felt the need to prove his use over and over again. But, Ranpo was a lot of work with all of his quirks and different needs. Yosano had been nothing but quiet and perfectly simple to take care of since she’d started living with them, so he didn’t really understand why she’d feel that way.

Though, Ranpo had an idea. He’d at least had loving supportive parents for a little while, and Yosano had only been used for her ability her entire life. So it made sense that she was struggling to rationalize someone showing her unconditional kindness. He figured that explaining her safety wouldn’t do any good because she simply wouldn't believe him. 

This was the first time Ranpo decided lying about his skills was his best course of action. He’d need to prove to her that she has use, or she’d continue to feel like a freeloader. His useless platitudes about her being a child that didn’t need to prove she deserved to exist would be exactly that: useless. 

Ranpo hated the idea of anyone thinking he was less intelligent than he was. That had been his entire life after his parents’ death, and he wasn’t itching to repeat it. He hated the years he’d been through of being dismissed and insulted just because he was young despite him being smarter than half the people he spoke to. However, as he went to respond to Yosano’s fears, he found himself making himself out to be very very dumb. 

“I didn’t want to drop it on you too soon as you started, but we do actually have something we need from you.”

Ranpo saw the way she lit up and smiled internally. 

“What do you need me to do?”

“Well…I never figured out how to use the subway systems, and I need someone to go with me on my cases, so I can find where I’m going. You’d be kind of like my assistant. Think you can do that?”

She puffed out her chest a little bit. “Of course I can!” She then deflated a bit. “Isn’t that something Fukuzawa could do, though?”

“Of course he could, but he has way more important things to do than walk me around everywhere. He’s been sending me in taxis, but that’s getting expensive.”

That wasn’t even a lie. After Ranpo had a meltdown on the train and Fukuzawa found him hours past the time he was expected home, miles and miles past his stop, Ranpo hadn’t been allowed to take the train alone, going everywhere Fukuzawa couldn’t attend in taxis. It annoyed him because that was six months ago, and Ranpo had discovered some coping mechanisms since then, and it was only one time out of several. One meltdown on the train out of hundreds of train rides didn’t mean that he couldn’t take the train anymore. But, Ranpo knew it was just because Fukuzawa worried about him, so it didn’t bother him too much. 

Yosano nodded decisively, “Then I can help!”

Ranpo smiled at her and very carefully kept the smugness out of his grin. He was told often that he came off as condescending, and he didn’t want Yosano to feel that way. Not about this at least, if she thought that he seemed to believe he knew more than her later down the line, it’s probably because he knows more than her. 

Yosano started taking him on all of his cases, and he thought she was very proactive to take notes and try to solve it on her own. Especially because someday, he’d come clean and tell her he can navigate on his own, she could start doing her own detective work. 

His plans to reveal that information at the perfect moment were ruined when barely a year later, he was forced to tell the truth. 

He and Akiko were in the detective agency office, pretending to be doing paperwork, as they played video games on Ranpo’s Gameboy. They’d gotten a lot closer over the last year, and Ranpo would be the first to admit he saw her as his younger sister. He hoped she felt the same, but the one thing he was truly bad at was reading people, so he was hesitant to assume. 

Both he and Akiko jumped when his phone started ringing. They were both a little convinced that somehow Fukuzawa could tell that they were goofing off, and was calling to tell them off. This was only confirmed when Ranpo saw the caller ID was: ‘Dad (kinda).’ He glanced at Akiko and picked up the phone, putting it on speaker. 

“Good day sir, this is Ranpo Edogawa. How may I be of service to you on this fine day?” Fukuzawa had scolded him once for answering the phone too informally, and every time he answered Fukuzawa since, he was so formal it was painful. 

“Ranpo! I need you to come out to this case! Right now!”

The shit-eating grin slipped from his face. “Of course. I’ll be there as soon as possible. Where are you?”

“I’m sending you the address, don’t bring Akiko. Get here quickly.”

Ranpo glanced over the phone towards Akiko who looked like she’d seen a ghost. 

Ranpo swallowed. “Okay. See you soon.”

“Stay safe.” 

After Fukuzawa hung up, the silence in the room lasted a moment before Ranpo came to his senses, and jumped to his feet, getting his stuff together as quickly as possible. While he packed up his backpack, Akiko softly asked, “Why doesn’t he want me to go?”

“I’m sure he has his reasons. I’ll ask when there’s no danger.”

Akiko nodded, and straightened up. “Will you take a taxi?”

“There’s no time. Waiting on the taxi plus traffic at this time of day will add too much to the travel. I’ll take the train.” 

Ranpo was on his way out when he said it. He hadn’t even meant to, but he saw the devastation that crossed Akiko’s face, right as he left. 

He wanted nothing more than to head back in and explain. To promise her that his lie had been in an attempt to help. To assure her that he cared deeply for her, and he never meant to hurt her. 

But, he didn’t have the time, so he just continued on his journey to the train station, hoping that she’d give him an opportunity to explain himself later. 

The case was long and hard. He’d needed to get there quickly because the police were going to deem the death a suicide and clear out the body before Ranpo could see evidence. Fukuzawa filled Ranpo in on the details very quickly. The agency had been hired to prove he didn’t kill himself, Fukuzawa had gone out to get pictures but was not allowed, so he talked the police into waiting fifteen minutes for Ranpo. 

The man had appeared to have hanged himself, which was a known trigger of Akiko’s, which must’ve been why Fukuzawa didn’t want her there, but Ranpo could immediately tell that he hadn’t killed himself. 

Ranpo was able to solve it in a matter of minutes, as well as talk the killer into confessing, but the police were dragging their feet every step of the way, and it took several hours to give his statement and finally make it home. 

When he and Fukuzawa finally made it back to the apartment, Ranpo basically ran inside looking for Akiko. 

She wasn’t in the living room or kitchen, but he did find her in her room. Her eyes were red and puffy, and Ranpo felt so bad. That had never happened before. He’d never genuinely cared how his words impacted people before, but this time he was cursing his inability to think before he spoke. As often as his foot in mouth syndrome screwed up his life, he’d never wished that he was different before, but right now he’d give anything for a brain to mouth filter. 

“I’m sorr-”

His apology was cut short by Akiko pulling him into a tight hug. She buried her face into his chest, and he felt all of the worry he’d had about their friendship being ruined melt away. 

“Thank you.”

He gasped. “What are you thanking me for?”

“Giving me a reason to stay with you. Making me feel needed.”

Ranpo smiled. She’d figured out his intention without him having to explain a single thing. It wasn’t often people understood him so incredibly well. Even Fukuzawa struggled to understand his motivations most of the time. Ranpo felt so light at the thought that he really did have a younger sister now. 

They hugged for a while, and Ranpo had only been so happy to be hugged one other time. 

That night he overheard Fukuzawa explaining why she wasn’t allowed on this specific case, and reassuring her that she was still helpful and they still wanted her around. He smiled to himself, as they had their father-daughter bonding moment. 

Chapter Text

It was several years before Ranpo’s “inability” to use public transportation came up again. Well, came up in a serious sense. It was one of Akiko’s favorite bits she used to poke fun at him, which she did more and more as they got older. 

Ranpo was twenty-three when they finally got another member of the agency. They’d actually gotten two, though Ranpo wasn’t sure how he felt about Katai. Kunikida was cool, however, and Ranpo quite liked him. 

Ranpo had reviewed both him and Katai’s files before they were even given an entrance exam. Their caseload was starting to get a little but much for three people (more like two because Akiko spent a lot of her time working on getting her doctorate, so she could officially be Dr.Yosano), so Fukuzawa started looking for other people that may want to work for them. Ranpo had been put in charge of looking over the applications and ensuring that no one too dangerous was hired. 

Kunikida had graduated highschool very young, and was currently pursuing a degree in math and science. He taught math at a middle school for a couple of years and his employment history made it obvious he worked multiple jobs throughout the summers. It seemed as though the man was on a motor, continuously moving with no ability to slow down and take breaks. He was only nineteen, but he was more established than your average thirty year old (and boy did he act it.) 

When Ranpo first had his file cross his desk, he’d decided Kunikda would be exactly what the agency needed. Akiko had leaned over and flipped through it over Ranpo’s shoulder. 

She laughed lightly. “He’s kinda cute, no?”

Ranpo turned around to look at her incredulously. “No.”

She shrugged and went back to her desk, and Ranpo called after her, “I can’t hire him if you’re going to date him.”

She stuck her tongue out at him. “I won’t. He seems way too uptight. Besides, you know I prefer women.”

Ranpo laughed at her antics and moved the file to the edge of his desk, instead of the pile of discards on the floor next to his desk. Fukuzawa told him that they needed to hire two people, so Ranpo needed to pick at least five to interview, but the only one he really liked was Kunikida. 

Katai would be helpful in the agency, as well. Ranpo didn’t dislike him, per say. He thought he was a little odd (Ranpo knew that was bold coming from him), but more importantly, he knew that Katai wouldn’t last long, and they would need to replace him sooner rather than later. However, Ranpo also decided that Katai was the best choice of applicant they had, besides Kunikida, so he was the other person Ranpo knew would be hired. Ranpo picked out five people to interview, but he knew which two would end up hired from the very beginning. 

Kunikida was exactly like Ranpo expected him to be. He was intense and a bit strict, but at least work was getting done now. Ranpo and Akiko liked to fool around and get nothing done. Akiko would always try to start her work after her homework, but Ranpo would come by her desk with his switch, and she was done for. Kunikida, though, was very very strict about getting his own work done, as well as everyone else’s. It seemed as though he always had to be working, and Ranpo found him very amusing.

He was always a step from scolding him and Akiko as though they were middle-school children, though he always managed to hold back. Ranpo guessed stepping out of the “teacher headspace” would be a little bit tricky, but Ranpo and Akiko were his superiors, and he seemed to be aware enough of that to keep his nagging to himself. This was also very amusing.

The first time Kunikida’s hard working nature became a little bit tricky was a week or two into his employment at the agency. He had run out of things to do. Ranpo kept tuning in to Kunikida as he fidgeted at his desk. He was typing and deleting something over and over again, and Ranpo could guess it was some unimportant email that he was writing and rewriting for perfection to give himself work to do. 

This added to the fact that he’d swept the office and wiped down the desks five times in the last two hours, telling Ranpo exactly what was happening. Kunikida was trying to come up with work to do. It was mildly annoying. 

“Kunikida!”

“Yes, sir.”

“The agency is out of work to do. If you’d like to go home, there will be more paperwork tomorrow.”

“I can’t just go home before I’m off the clock just because I finished paperwork. I’m sure there is something to do.”

Ranpo sighed. “There’s really not. You’ve caught us up on months of work in a week. We are getting too many cases for three people, but it’s still not enough for five. Don’t worry, though, the case load will increase pretty drastically soon.”

“Are you sure?”

Ranpo just looked at him like he was stupid. He hated when people doubted him. How many times can he prove that he knows everything before people believe him?

Kunikida caught on quickly, though. “Ah, yes of course. That’s good to know.”

Kunikida still didn’t go home after, though. He just went back to his fake working, when Akiko spoke up. 

“Ranpo, you have a possible client to meet up with later, right?”

“Yeah, why?”

“What if Kunikida tagged along?”

Kunikida’s head snapped up. “You don’t need to do this, Dr.Yosano.”

She just laughed at him. Ranpo could tell she was planning something, though he couldn’t immediately tell what. If he tried hard enough, he no doubt could, but he’d found it’s usually more entertaining to let Akiko have her fun. 

“It’s not ‘Dr.’ yet, so Yosano is fine. And…this isn't for you. Did you know Ranpo can’t use the trains on his own?”

Ranpo face-palmed. He was going to kill her later. 

Akiko continued. “I was thinking. Instead of me, you could go with him.”

Kunikida looked confused. “That can’t possibly be true.”

Akiko was sending Ranpo the eyes she always sent throughout their teenage years when she wanted him to help her get away with something she’d done. He always gave in to those eyes. 

He chimed in, “Why not? Do you think it’s bad that I never learned to use them?”

“O-of course not, Edogawa. I just- nevermind, if you’d allow, I’d be honored to accompany you.”

Ranpo nearly giggled at how easy that was, and made a mental note to bully Kunikida into using his given name more. Everyone else called him Ranpo, so it was a little weird Kunikida didn’t, and Ranpo was certain he’d already told him to multiple times. 

That’s how Kunikida ended up joining Ranpo on every trip he took. Ranpo had also started leaving more often. Whenever Kunikida got too restless, Ranpo coincidentally needed to go grocery shopping, or had an appointment, or needed a pastry from the bakery on the other side of town. He didn’t know if Kunikida was catching on, but everyone had seen how it had somehow made the man more productive, and significantly improved the stress he felt at work. 

Ranpo liked talking with Kunikida, so the little trips out had become fun for him. He liked having more time to just hang around and chat with a man he found interesting. He was also getting a lot more pastries out of this arrangement because usually going to the bakery felt like more effort than it was worth, but now it was a borderline requirement that he went once a week.

At least it was until, as Ranpo predicted, the caseload started to increase. Kunikida wasn’t idle nearly as often as he used to be, so Ranpo didn’t need to make excuses to get him out and about anymore. Kunikida was still the one that went with him to his cases, but that was about it. Ranpo knew it was for the best, but it still made him a little sad. He made a mental note to start inviting Kunikida out with him and Akiko on their weekly bar trips (in a couple weeks when Kunikida can legally drink), so he could still chat with him but off the clock this time. 

They were returning from a case when Ranpo decided to do something slightly mean, but deserved. As they entered the office, Ranpo said loud enough for Akiko to hear him, “Your birthday is next week, right?”

“Yes.”

As expected Akiko chimed in from across the room. “Why didn’t you say something?!? We need to plan a birthday party!”

Kunikida shook his head quickly. “No you don’t. Don’t make this a big deal, please.”

Ranpo hummed. “You have plans then?”

“No.”

Akiko laughed. “Leave it to our Kunikida to not do anything for his birthday. You’re turning twenty! You can finally drink, isn’t that worth celebrating!?”

“Maybe. I’ve never had alcohol, so how do I know if I like it, and bars don’t seem like my scene.”

Akiko stuck out her tongue at him. “Boo! You’re no fun.”

Kunikida pushed up his glasses. “Yes. I do believe that is often how I’m described.”

They went back to work for the day, but Ranpo was busy planning a birthday party with Akiko. They were texting each other under their desks as subtly as possible, setting up details for a super awesome birthday party that Kunikida would actually enjoy. 

On the day of Kunikida’s birthday, Ranpo asked Kunikida if he’d be willing to help him use the trains after work for a personal reason, as Akiko was going home early and couldn’t help. As Ranpo expected, Kunikida said he would. Kunikida was a good guy, Ranpo could count on him wanting to be helpful. 

He gave Kunikida the address to the only place he could find easier than his own or Fukuzawa’s apartment, Akiko’s place. She’d been in charge of setting up the party, and forcing Katai to leave work early (and at all, Ranpo was pretty sure he lived in the office) and go with her to the party. The only person they knew Kunikida was friends with was Katai. Ranpo actually knew for a fact that the man did not have other friends. He hoped that he would come to consider himself and Akiko as friends soon. Kunikida seemed lonely to him. 

He made Kunikida come up to the apartment with him, though the other man couldn’t seem to figure out why. Ranpo simply said he needed help with something, as he let Kunikida lead the way to Akiko’s apartment. Ranpo walked up to the unlocked door and easily walked inside, trailing Kunikida behind him. 

They crossed into the living room when Ranpo turned around and everyone came out and called surprise. 

Ranpo had put a lot of thought into what he thought Kunikida would like for a party. He figured something relaxed would be more enjoyable, so it was just the four of them: him, Akiko, Katai, and of course Kunikida himself. They had snacks they knew he liked and booze (in case he wanted to try it in a safe environment now that he legally could), but they also had sodas and water. 

Akiko had done a great job setting up board games and drinking games respectively, and her apartment was decorated a little bit with some balloons and streamers. 

Kunikida smiled softly and shook his head. “You’re all crazy. Thank you.”

Akiko cackled. “Let’s get this party started!” 

They’d ended up drinking, playing board games, and singing karaoke, getting progressively more drunk until the sun rose. 

Kunikida, they’d learned, was an honest drunk, scolding them for random little things, telling them harsh truths, and sharing more about his personal life than he’d usually give away. Katai was a sad drunk, so he spent most of the night crying into his futon. Akiko and Ranpo were equally chaotic and happy drunks, initiating all of the games and giggling as they texted exes (Akiko) and prank called police officers that didn’t like them (Ranpo). 

Ranpo was watching the sun rise, when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked behind him to see Kunikida standing next to him, wobbling slightly. 

“Thank you so much, Ranpo.”

Ranpo smiled widely at him. He didn’t know what exactly Kunikida was thanking him for, but it didn’t really matter. 

“Anytime!”

Chapter Text

It didn’t take too long before the next member of the agency waltzed through their doors. He was recommended by a government official that had some sway with Fukuzawa and as such he managed to get an entrance exam without his file ever touching Ranpo’s desk. Ranpo was slightly bitter about that little detail. 

Other than that, though, Ranpo loved the addition of Dazai to their little group. He was a lively force of nature that seemed to exist to test Kunikida’s limits. Ranpo was a downright angel next to the chaos unleashed on Kunikida in the form of Dazai. 

Katai had already retired from the agency, so it was good to have another person, and no one livened up the place like Dazai did. He was high energy, very friendly, and weirdly good at detective work, though he refused to do paperwork. 

Dazai worked mostly alongside Kunikida, as the president decided it would be good for both of them to have a partner, but the days that Ranpo got to interact with Dazai were always fun for him. Ranpo had never felt like anyone matched him in intelligence quite the way Dazai did (there was an American man he’d met a few years ago that came close, though). It was a weird feeling, but it was certainly intriguing. It made Ranpo want to get to know him better and try to figure him out. 

Ranpo could tell Dazai was hiding something, though he wasn’t sure what it was. He could use Ultra Deduction, well the routine Ranpo went through that allowed him to truly focus on one topic (he’d long since figured out it wasn’t actually an ability,) and figure it out in a split second, but he trusted Fukuzawa and Kunikida’s opinion, so he was choosing to trust Dazai. That didn’t mean he didn’t want to know, though, Ranpo’s curiosity was itching under his skin. 

As fun as Dazai was, Ranpo could tell it was first and foremost an act. He seemed to say exactly what whoever he was speaking to needed to hear. That wasn’t always something that made him seem charming, but sometimes silly, funny, intimidating, or even a little bit stupid. 

Ranpo was mildly jealous of that ability, but it also peaked his interest even further. What kind of life led someone to be so good at that? Manipulation was never a skill learned throughout happy normal lives, so he knew better than to ask, but he was so beyond curious.

Despite all of that Ranpo wasn’t worried for the agency. While Dazai definitely had some kind of secret and more fake personalities than an actor, his want to help was definitely genuine. He seemed to truly care about the agency members, and want to be good. 

Ranpo could only guess that whatever happened in Dazai’s past, he was trying to move past it and Ranpo wasn’t going to fault someone for that. 

The only thing that gave him pause was Akiko’s weird thing regarding him. For some reason or another, Akiko avoided Dazai at all costs. Ranpo asked her about it multiple times, but everytime she would brush off his concerns and claim it wasn’t a big deal. She has been spending more and more time in the agency’s infirmary instead of her desk in the office. 

She used to do a solid amount of paperwork, online classes, and homework in the office, so she’d have company. Ever since Dazai joined, though, she did all of that in her office, only joining everyone else if Dazai wasn’t there. 

The agency had always been a safe place for Ranpo and Akiko. It was the first place he was allowed to be himself without consequences, and he knew it was similar for Akiko. She hadn’t been allowed to live anywhere without using her ability until the ADA, and it hurt Ranpo’s soul to see it become somewhere she felt unsafe.

He had no idea why Dazai was triggering for her, but if he’d said something to hurt her, Ranpo was going to ruin his life. He didn’t think that was it, though, because he knew she’d have told Fukuzawa, and it wouldn’t matter who recommended him, Dazai would be long gone. 

As he tried to come up with a way he could possibly help Akiko, he realized that getting Dazai out of the office for any extended period of time would probably be helpful. Ranpo hated the first thing that came to mind because the idea of telling another person that he couldn’t figure out trains was borderline humiliating, but it was looking like his best option. 

He tried to come up with something else, but everything else would only work once, or be something Dazai caught onto immediately. 

“For Akiko” he whispered under his breath, as he looked up from his work and towards Dazai. 

“I need you to take me to the store.”

Dazai tilted his head. “I don’t have a car?”

Ranpo shook his head. “By train. I find them tedious, so I never learned how they work.”

Dazai squinted at him, but before he could respond, Kunikida interrupted them. “Dazai has work to do, can anyone else take you?”

Ranpo gestured to where Dazai was obviously not working and raised an eyebrow. “Everyone else is working more than he is.”

Dazai giggled. “Can’t get anything by you, can I Ranpo?”

“Well, I am the world’s greatest detective!”

Kunikida sighed from his desk. “Alright. Just don’t stay out too long.”

Ranpo chuckled because Kunikida has functionally no power over him, and grabbed Dazai by his arm, ushering him out of the door. 

As Dazai led the way to the train station, he asked the question Ranpo was preparing for him to ask. 

“You can actually use the trains can’t you?”

“Why do you say that?”

Dazai tilted his head at him. “You mean to tell me: you, the smartest man in the world, can’t figure out the train system?”

“I didn’t say that. I said that I never learned how they work. I could if I wanted to, but why would I when I have you guys?”

Dazai still looked a little bit skeptical, but he let it drop.

Hence  began the second time Ranpo made excuses to get out of the office as often as possible. As it was with Kunikida, every other day or so, Ranpo would drag Dazai out of the office. Since the number of cases the agency was being given had increased significantly, most of the time Ranpo had a case to bring Dazai along on, but he still had to lie on occasion to take him out more often. 

He was happy when they came back to the office to see Akiko at her desk. She’d usually retreat to the infirmary within the next ten to twenty minutes, but it was enough that she was out there because it meant his plan was working, and he was giving her time where she could feel safe in the office again. 

Going out with Dazai was fun in a very different way than going out with Kunikida. Kunikida was fun because Ranpo wanted to get to know him better, but Dazai was fun because he was almost as chaotic as Ranpo, if not more. They often got distracted debating things they’d observed about other people on the metro or out and about. Things like whether or not an older woman was married, a younger man was gay, or if that ginger in the hat was in the mafia (Ranpo could not figure out for the life of him why Dazai would make such an outlandish statement, until he used Ultra Deduction and determined he was somehow completely correct). 

Dazai’s deductions were almost on Ranpo’s level, so he had a great time comparing notes about strangers and cases alike. In the three weeks that Ranpo had been making Dazai take him out, they’d been kicked out of three restaurants for talking about other patrons too loudly, had four people try to start physical fights with Ranpo, and discovered two different criminals on accident for cases they’d not been hired for. 

The funniest part to Ranpo was that Dazai had a tendency to sit back and let him do the work on his cases, despite the fact that he could definitely solve it almost as fast. Dazai would always say it wasn’t his case to work, and insist Ranpo could solve it faster than him anyway. Ranpo agreed that he could solve it faster, of course, but there was something amusing to him about the lack of an attempt when he’d actually be paid to. 

Ranpo was having a great time, but he was also missing Akiko way too much. He used to see her day in and day out, bothering each other throughout the entire work day, and only separating when they went to their own apartments (which they only did about half of the time anyway, Ranpo loved to follow Akiko home and watch movies with her like they used to when they both lived with Fukuzawa). Add that to the monthly family dinners Fukuzawa held at his house because he missed having his children home all of the time, and you had two slightly dependent siblings. 

Since Akiko had started avoiding the office, she and Ranpo had stopped seeing each other during the work day, and that meant he didn’t follow her home anymore, and they’d started only hanging out during their weekly gossip session and drinks. 

He knew it wasn’t him that she was avoiding, but it was still bothering him immensely. It didn’t help that he knew he wouldn’t be able to keep Dazai out this often for much longer. Kunikida was already getting antsy about his partner being gone as often as he was, and Dazai himself was starting to get bored, so he’d find a way out soon enough. So Ranpo knew he had to figure out the problem soon, or he’d have to start doing his work (read: pretending to do his work) in the infirmary just to bother Akiko. 

He decided to ask Akiko about it after he watched her walk into the office to pour herself a coffee, notice Dazai, turn around, and leave without refilling her mug. He looked over to where Dazai was sitting to see if he’d done something, but he wasn’t even looking at where Akiko was. He was sitting with his chin resting on his hands, tilting his head teasingly at Kunikida while the taller man yelled at him. 

Ranpo was getting fed up with his inability to figure out what was bothering her. Dazai didn’t even interact with Akiko more than he had to. She’d kill him if he used Ultra Deduction to figure it out. He’d done that once when he was seventeen to figure out why she’d been so depressed, and she’d kicked his ass. So instead, he followed her down out to the infirmary and slammed open the door. 

He’d asked so many times, and she’d never answered, but he knew something was wrong and needed to be discussed, so it couldn’t hurt to ask again, and this time he was demanding answers. 

Akiko jumped from where she’d just sat down, and turned towards him, anger in her eyes. 

“Ranpo! What was that about!?!”

He ignored her question. “Why did you leave?”

“This again? Can’t you leave well enough alone!?”

Ranpo’s eyes widened and he felt his heart drop a little. His sister was usually so good at telling him when he was pushing boundaries without snapping. She knew he wasn’t good at picking up on that, and that he was usually trying to help, so her getting so angry with him (for something like this, they fought a lot as teens over stupid shit) was very out of character. 

She seemed to notice it before he could even formulate a response, as she almost immediately apologized. 

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped at you. It’s not your fault, I’m just really stressed right now.” 

Ranpo pulled one of the chairs next to hers and sat down. “Is Dazai adding to your stress somehow?” 

She sighed, and then quickly nodded. 

He hoped he was back in solid ground and not pushing when he continued. “Do you think it would help to talk about it?” 

He was never good at comforting people, but Fukuzawa was, so he was just pulling things the older man had said to him in the past and saying them to Akiko now. 

Akiko shrugged. “Maybe, but it’s so stupid I don’t want to.”

“I promise I won’t laugh.”

She cracked a small smile. “You sure? It’s pretty damn stupid.”

Ranpo smiled back. “More stupid than the things you usually say?”

She giggled and nodded. “More than usual.”

“I still won’t laugh.”

“…ok” 

Akiko took a deep breath and steadied herself. It put Ranpo a little bit on edge because Akiko didn’t get like this often, and every time she did, she was about to tell him something that impacted her greatly, usually about her past.  

“He…reminds me a lot of Mori.”

Ranpo felt his blood turn to ice. Everything clicked all at once. One thing about being the world’s greatest detective is that even when he wasn’t trying, Ranpo still solved things. It was one of the reasons he kept his eyes closed so often, he didn’t want to deal with the overflow of information. Without even going through the charade of using Ultra Deduction, Ranpo had figured out Dazai’s secret. 

Akiko took his silence as some kind of question and continued. “Like his mannerisms and movements. Sometimes even the cadence of his voice. It’s so nonsensical, I know, but sometimes just seeing him can basically send me into a spiral.”

Ranpo reached out and grabbed her hands. “Hey, it’s not nonsensical. You’re being too hard on yourself.”

Akiko shook her head violently. “No! It’s insane! How do I see one guy with a couple of similar mannerisms and have a panic attack?!?”

“Because the man he reminds you of destroyed you as a child. This is a normal reaction.”

Ranpo startled a little when he saw tears building in Akiko’s eyes. 

“How does Mori still have this much control over me? It’s not fair to Dazai! He didn’t do anything wrong! I’m just ruined forever because of experiences that happened over a decade ago!”

Ranpo pulled her into a hug and held on to her as tight as he could. He felt her shaking in his arms, as she reached to hug him back. 

“You’re not ruined. You’re just still healing. No one would expect you to be completely fine yet, you’re doing so good, and it’s okay that things are still triggering.”

Ranpo wished he could just tell her that it was so much more than that. Let her know that she wasn’t crazy for seeing it when Dazai had so clearly been in the mafia. Tell her that based on the evidence he’d had and heard from officers he knew, Dazai was most definitely the Demon Prodigy of the Port Mafia, the one that was considered the boss’s son, and had Mori’s mannerisms because the man basically raised him. 

But Ranpo knew better. This was Dazai’s secret to share and being an ex-mafioso was not a reason Ranpo wouldn’t trust someone. Dazai had turned over a new leaf, and Ranpo truly believed that. He wanted to tell Akiko, but he was getting better at not saying things that he wasn’t supposed to. He simply held her and tried his best to reassure her, as she cried.

Then, when she pulled away on her own, Ranpo sent a text to Fukuzawa letting him know that he and Akiko were leaving early. 

“Who are you texting?”

“Dad.”

Akiko’s eyes shot open. “Don’t tell him about this.”

Ranpo nodded, and responded to Fukuzawa’s text asking if everything was okay, ensuring him it was. 

“You should probably let him know eventually, ‘kiko. He’s probably worried.”

“Won’t this just worry him more?” 

Ranpo shrugged. “Maybe, but if you don’t he’s just going to be expecting the worst case.”

“You’re probably right.” 

“I always am. Now let’s go.”

“Where? We’re still working.” She cracked a smile. “Well I am.”

Ranpo bumped her with his shoulder. 

“I told him we were leaving early. We’re going back to mine. It’s movie night!”

Akiko shrugged. “Okay. Which movie?” 

“We could always watch Mean Girls again?”

“Sounds good. Thank you Ranpo.”

Ranpo simply nodded in response. He was already planning in his head what he was going to do about this. 

The next day, he asked Dazai to take him out, but didn’t specify where because he knew if they had a destination their conversation would have an end time. 

The moment they stepped out of the office Dazai started the walk to the train station. “Where are we headed today, Ranpo?”

“Wherever. Somewhere private. We need to talk.”

Ranpo had thought through every single aspect of this. He figured this should be a conversation that they had somewhere Dazai would feel comfortable. Allowing him to choose the location, as well as wording it in a way that allowed Dazai to know it was serious were both intentional. He needed Dazai to pick somewhere he may be familiar and at ease, but would also be private enough that they wouldn’t be overheard.

Dazai’s eyes widened slightly, but he quickly recovered with a smile. “Am I in trouble?”

Ranpo chuckled. “Do I look like Kunikida?”

Dazai shrugged. “You are the boss’s kid, though.” 

Ranpo outright laughed at that. “Yeah, and that’s why if you were in trouble with Fukuzawa, he’d never send me.”

Dazai relaxed slightly. “Alright well, there’s a park I like to walk through sometimes not too far from here. It’s really quiet.”

Ranpo nodded, and they changed course. The park must’ve been within walking distance. 

Ranpo was proven right, when they got to a small park he’d never seen, not even two blocks away. It was perfect for his purposes, just as he expected it to be. 

They walked towards a bench, and Ranpo bit the bullet. With as much nonchalance as he could put in his voice, he asked, “You were in the mafia, right?” 

Dazai froze ever so slightly. It wouldn’t have been noticeable to your average person. Ranpo was not your average person. 

There was a forced smile on his face as he responded. “That’s a pretty lofty accusation.”

“Not an accusation. A question. One I know the answer to, so there’s no point in lying.”

The smile never left Dazai’s face, but his eyes dropped the pretense of humor. “Alright. You caught me. Are you going to get me fired?”

“No. I want to talk about Akiko.”

The smile slipped from Dazai’s face as a genuine look of confusion took over. “Dr.Yosano? Why?”

“I’m sure you’ve noticed that she avoids you.” It was almost a question. Ranpo was curious if this was as obvious to everyone else as it was to him. 

“Yeah, I’ve noticed. I have no idea why, though. I haven’t done or said anything to her. I’ve left the mafia behind. I’m not that man anymore.” 

Ranpo nodded. “I know. That’s not why. It’s not really my place, but you need to know at least part of it. Akiko has a history with Ougai Mori.”

One of Dazai’s eyebrows raised. “Does she?”

“Yes. During The Great War when she was a child.”

Ranpo watched the horror dawn on his face. Ranpo only knew bits and pieces from Akiko’s past with Mori. She only told him what she had to share so he could help, as there were things she needed and triggers that they needed to be aware of before she felt comfortable going to Fukuzawa. But on the whole, Ranpo knew very little of the details. He had his guesses of course, and nothing confirmed them more than the look of terror on Dazai’s face. 

“Oh.”

Ranpo had one more thing to tell him, but he didn’t particularly want to disclose this part because he didn’t think Dazai would appreciate it. He swallowed.

“Did you know you have a lot of his mannerisms?”

“Do I?”

Ranpo nodded. 

Dazai hummed. “It makes sense. He basically raised me.” He looked away. “That’s why she avoids me then?”

Ranpo nodded again. 

“Hmmm that sucks. I really thought I’d gotten away from him.”

“I’m sorry to have to have this conversation, Dazai. You didn’t do anything wrong. Akiko’s just my sister and I want her to feel comfortable around the office again.”

“Are you asking me to leave?”

Ranpo shook his head quickly, realizing what that sounded like. “No. I’m actually just asking you to talk to her. Tell her about it. About why you may remind her of him. Tell her you’re trying to escape his reach the same way she is. She’ll trust you enough to get over it.”

Dazai laughed lightly. “You realize that’s a worse request than asking me to leave, right?”

“Yeah. I’m asking you to have a conversation about feelings.”

Dazai smiled softly. “Are you gonna tell anyone about this?”

“It’s not my story to share.” 

Dazai nodded, and got off the bench. “I need to clear my head first. I trust you can make it back alone.”

Ranpo giggled at the bluntness. “Yeah, I can find my way back.”

Ranpo noticed when Dazai went down to the infirmary right as the workday was ending, and he definitely noticed when Akiko sat at her desk for much longer than she usually would. His eyes nearly bugged out of his head when he noticed Akiko getting lunch with Dazai later in the day, but he was just happy to have his sister back. 

As Dazai and Akiko left to get lunch together, Akiko shot him a grateful smile, and as they came back in Dazai gave him a little thumbs up. All was right with the world. 

Chapter Text

Kenji Miyazawa was an interesting addition to the agency. Ranpo personally believed that this was Fukuzawa’s soft spot for children acting up yet again. Kenji was fourteen, and definitely needed help controlling his ability. Then Fukuzawa shows up and offers him a position in the agency where he’d have Fukuzawa’s ability to help with control, and a group of talented gifted that could also help. 

Ranpo was beginning to worry that Fukuzawa was experiencing an empty nest since Akiko and he were both into their late twenties, and the rest of his ‘children’ were twenty-two. He’d hired two new members and a clerk, all of whom were under nineteen. Tanizaki was eighteen and had just graduated high school, and his sister was younger, though no one knew her exact age. Ranpo didn’t particularly want to know, so he didn’t. Ranpo had his suspicions about their actual relationship, as siblings didn’t seem accurate, but he figured ignorance was bliss on that specific topic. 

Ranpo will confess that he had to approve Tanizaki’s application, so he got a say in hiring that specific teenager, but his point about Fukuzawa collecting children still stands because the older man had picked the fourteen year old all on his own. 
 
Kenji worked part-time, coming and going from his farm in his hometown, Ihatovo, and everyone could tell the young boy was struggling to adjust to city life when he was in Yokohama. He couldn’t figure out how to buy things because he didn’t understand money, he only knew how to get to and from Ihatovo, so he never left the office during the day, and he seemed to really miss being in the sun all day if the way he sat by the window was something to go off of. He reminded Ranpo a little of a kitten with the way he’d find any sunspot in the office and sit there until it moved. 

Kunikida suggested that a couple of trips to a nearby park may be helpful to Kenji’s mental health as he tries to get used to being inside all day, but Kenji simply shook his head. It didn’t take the world’s greatest detective to know that Kenji just didn’t feel comfortable navigating the city by himself. 

Fukuzawa offered to take Kenji out and teach him how to use public transport and read the city’s street signs, but Kenji turned him down as well. Ranpo thought he probably felt like he had to prove himself as the youngest member of the agency. Ranpo understood that, but he wished Kenji would let the older members help him. 

No one thought Kenji was incapable, they just knew the transition would be hard for him. Kenji didn’t seem to see it that way, turning down every offer of help, so he could prove that he could do it on his own. He was always so polite about it, but Ranpo could see the frustration building in the teenager. He was clearly getting fed up with his coworkers thinking he needed help with everything. 

The only problem was that he did genuinely need the help. 

Ranpo saw Kenji break when he noticed that Tanizaki was already being sent on his own case, while Kenji was still tagging along on Kunikida or Dazai’s. Where Ranpo feared Kenji’s frustration would explode through anger, instead, the teen’s eyes filled with tears and he fled from the room. 

There was an uncomfortable silence around the agency for a moment before Fukuzawa (who was very luckily in the main office that moment) set down his tea kettle, and slowly followed the boy out of the room. Ranpo breathed a sigh of relief, he knew from personal experience that Fukuzawa was very good at this. 

Towards the end of the day, Ranpo was sitting in Fukuzawa’s office, as he had a tendency to do when the lights, sounds, and smells of the office got to be too much. He had a chair in there that was specifically his and tucked into a corner, so no one would use it, and Ranpo found himself in there fairly often. It had been a bad day for his sensory issues, so he was now in his dad’s office, all lights except a small lamp on Fukuzawa’s desk were off, and the room was completely silent except for the sound of Fukuzawa’s soft typing (so Ranpo wouldn’t have to wear his headphones if he didn’t want to), as he rocked slowly back and forth. 

It had been an hour when Fukuzawa broke the silence. “Boy?” Fukuzawa’s voice was very soft, testing the waters. 

“What’s up?”

The fact that Ranpo responded verbally was enough for Fukuzawa to know that the other man was doing better, and they could have a conversation. 

“What do you think of Kenji?”

“He’s a good kid. Bright. Has a lot of potential, but he needs to learn how to accept help.”

“Don’t throw stones from glass houses, Ranpo.” There was a soft smile on the older man’s face which let him know that Fukuzawa was merely teasing him. 

He pouted anyway. “I’m accepting help now, aren’t I?”

Fukuzawa nodded. “We both know how long that took you, though, you used to stick it out until you had a meltdown.” 

“We‘ve had this routine since I was seventeen. Let’s not pretend that's still a problem.”

“You do realize that was three years after we started the agency. It took you three entire years to actually ask for what you needed.”

Ranpo huffed, but didn’t respond, realizing he’d lost this little banter. 

Fukuzawa started talking again, moving on. “Do you have any idea as to how we could help him?”

“Why are you asking me? I’m terrible with other people’s feelings.”

“You’re the reason the agency has become such a family. I don’t know what you did for Kunikida, or how you got Dazai and Akiko bonding, but every time I start to worry for the mental health of my employees, you’re there to help.”

Then it hit Ranpo, exactly how he could help the youngest member of the agency. 

“Leave it to me, dad. I got this.”

Fukuzawa looked a little taken aback, but he nodded nonetheless. “If you’re sure.” He paused. “You do know that this wasn’t an assignment, right? I just wanted your thoughts.”

Ranpo nodded, quick to reassure Fukuzawa that this was a choice and he didn’t see it as an obligation. “Yeah, I know. I just have an idea.”

“Very good.”

Kenji had gone home for the rest of the week after the rough day, Ranpo guessed Fukuzawa had told him to take a little break in Ihatovo. When he came back Ranpo set his plan into action. 

“Kenji!”

“Yes sir!”
 
“Don’t call me sir.” Kenji nodded. “I require your assistance on a case of mine.”

“Of course! How can I help?”

Ranpo knew Kenji assumed he needed his strength for something, but that wasn’t Ranpo’s plan at all. “I need someone to navigate for me.”

“W-what?” 

“Let’s go!”

“Wait! Ranpo, I’m really not…I don’t know-”

“You can do this for me can’t you?”

Kenji looked distraught, and Ranpo almost felt bad. He knew Kenji was at war with himself: part of him would want to say he can and prove himself, while the other part was worried about humiliating himself by not being able to do it. Ranpo knew which part would win.

“I can do it!”

“Perfect. Let’s go.”

Ranpo led the way to the train station as Kenji asked him questions about his inability to use the trains. 

“But you know where the station is?”

“Of course. It’s just walking a couple blocks west and then a couple more north.” Ranpo watched Kenji commit that to memory, and hid his smile. “It’s just when I get in the train station that I get lost. Those signs with destinations and times may as well be in a different language to me.”

Ranpo giggled a little behind his hand when he noticed Kenji immediately sought out the time table to figure out which train they needed to get on. Kenji managed to figure out how to get to their next stop and use an online map (on Ranpo’s phone, they’d have to buy Kenji one going forward) to get them to their destination. It only took a couple of comments from Ranpo here and there to help him out, and when they got there, Kenji seemed so proud of himself that Ranpo couldn’t help but feel proud as well. 

And then the usual routine began. Ranpo would make up reasons to go new places just so that Kenji would have to use a new train or practice his skills with the maps. Ranpo liked going out with Kenji just like he liked going out with Kunikida, Akiko, or Dazai. He was easy-going and silly. He got along with everyone and made friends with almost everyone that they met. 

With Dazai, Ranpo got himself into more trouble than usual, but with Kenji he was almost well-liked. No one picked fights with him, no one kicked him out. Kenji just sweet talked the offended person, and they got off scott-free. Kenji was a very sweet kid and everyone picked up on it. It helped that every time there was a confrontation with the perpetrator of whatever crime they were investigating, Kenji easily destroyed them, gaining the boy quite the reputation. No one wanted to be on his bad side. 

It was truly impressive that Kenji was able to turn such a huge city into a small town just by getting to know people. It had only been two weeks, but they couldn’t go anywhere without running into someone Kenji had befriended.

Two weeks was enough for Kenji to start feeling comfortable navigating the city on his own, but Ranpo wasn’t done forcing the teen to take him around town. Everyone had noticed Kenji’s mood improving drastically, as he’d been able to spend more time outside and was finally getting his own cases, but Ranpo had noticed something else that made him concerned.

Kenji never ate. He’d clearly be hungry, easy to tell from the way his stomach would rumble and the way he’d look longingly at whatever snacks Ranpo had, as well as the restaurants they passed. Ranpo always offered to share his snacks, he hated sharing, but he wasn’t going to let a child go hungry just because he wanted his entire box of pocky. However, Kenji always turned him down. Ranpo knew Kenji needed to be eating more than he was, he was a growing boy, but Ranpo was very unsure of how to bring that up. 

He knew Kenji was eating dinner constantly, so it wasn’t as though the boy just skipped eating all together but it didn’t take a genius to know that skipping lunch so often wasn't healthy. 

They’d just finished a morning case, and Ranpo was hungry for lunch, so he dragged Kenji to a nearby ramen shop, and offered to buy the boy a bowl. He watched as Kenji’s mouth basically watered, before saying he wasn’t hungry. 

“Why do you do that?”

Kenji tilted his head like a confused dog, and Ranpo did his best not to snicker at the comparison. “Do what?”

“Pretend you aren’t hungry every time I offer you food.”

Kenji looked down at his hands, and Ranpo suddenly realized that this was probably a topic he should’ve been more careful about broaching. He cursed his own inability to read the room, as he debated taking it back and changing the subject. 

Kenji spoke before Ranpo could make a decision on how to proceed. “My ability only works when I’m hungry.”

“So you just starve yourself until the workday is over?”

Kenji shrugged, but didn’t respond. That was a yes. 

“Why don’t you just eat lunch and then do paperwork until you’re just hungry enough to be in the field again?”

Kenji kept looking resolutely down, but yet again did not respond. Ranpo could tell Kenji had an answer but didn’t want to share, and he worried he’d been too blunt again. 

Ranpo took a deep breath, and channeled his inner Fukuzawa. “You don’t have to answer that if you don’t want to. I’m just trying to understand. We all want you to be healthy.”

Kenji slowly raised his head to meet Ranpo’s eyes. “I get too tired to work right after I eat.”

“Oh! That’s easy. You can just take a longer lunch break. That way you can eat and take a nap before you come back to work.”

“I don’t need special treatment, Ranpo. I’m not a child.”

Ranpo understood that feeling all too well. Everytime Fukuzawa tried to offer him accommodations when he was younger, he responded much the same. 

He thought about all of the ways Fukuzawa had explained this to him. Which ones worked, and which ones didn’t.

“Everyone needs special treatment because everyone is different. You’ve noticed how Kunikida takes his lunches at his desk because too long of a break makes him antsy or how Dazai spends his breaks at the park near the office to clear his head. They’re not children and yet they need different things.”

Kenji shook his head. “The things that they need doesn’t make them less productive. I’d need to literally work less. I can’t ask for that.”

Ranpo nodded. “You’re right for them that’s true, but have you noticed how often I disappear to the president's office for hours at a time?”

Kenji nodded, so Ranpo continued. 

“I’m not doing any work there, but it’s what I need to ensure that I'm at my most mentally and physically healthy. If I’m not then my work isn’t its best quality anyway. Does that make sense?” 

Kenji nodded again.

“So… if you need an hour and a half or two hour lunch break, we can make that happen.”

Kenji still looked hesitant as he asked, “Would that really be alright?”

“Of course it would. If you want, though, I can talk to Fukuzawa for you.”

His eyes widened, but Ranpo saw the way he relaxed slightly, and could tell that he’d hit the nail on the head with that offer. 

Kenji smiled. “Thank you!”

Ranpo simply smiled in return and ordered two ramen bowls instead of one. 

Convincing Fukuzawa that this was an accommodation that Kenji needed was one of the easiest things in the world. Fukuzawa was one of the most understanding people alive and he trusted Ranpo’s opinion on most things. 

One very simple conversation with his dad, and Ranpo was waltzing out of the president’s office. He knocked on Kenji’s desk twice to get his attention, and threw him a thumbs up, as he passed. 

The smile he got in return nearly blinded him. 

Chapter Text

It hadn’t even been two full months before Atsushi was added to their merry band of misfits. If Atsushi had been the president’s pick, Ranpo may’ve offered to move back home because clearly his father needs the company, if the continuous addition of orphans meant anything. 

But offering Atsushi a place at the agency had been all Dazai’s idea, and no one wanted to argue with Dazai over something so noble. It was rare that Dazai fought so assuredly for anything, so when everyone noticed how much he cared, everyone was on board. Even more so when Atsushi went through his entrance exam and proved just how endlessly kind he was. 

Even better than the addition of Atsushi, though, was the addition of Kyouka. Yet another orphan, but this time very young. Since she’d also been recruited by a different member, and not Fukuzawa, Ranpo was convinced Fukuzawa had just been cursed to bring in children in need since he took in Ranpo twelve years ago. Atsushi hadn’t even been a member for a full month before he was recruiting, but no one had the heart to tell him no. Besides, everyone could see how much Kyouka needed their help. Akiko had fought almost as hard as Atsushi to convince everyone that they needed to save the young girl from the mafia. 

Ranpo immediately liked her. She was intelligent, assertive, protective, too blunt for her own good, and had quite the sweet tooth. She reminded him of both himself and Akiko in different ways. Ranpo didn’t often like people similar to him in any way, (they usually thought they were smarter than him and it pissed him off) but Kyouka was too young to already think she was smarter than him, so he found himself adopting the young girl right along with everyone else. 

He made a point to buy her new snacks, as she’d never had a chance to try most of the sweet things that were commonly enjoyed, and he liked letting her try them. He never thought he could get joy out of watching someone else eat mochi, but apparently if said ‘someone else’ was a small child that had never had it before, he did. 

He thought the way she would follow Atsushi around was adorable. The two were basically joint at the hip, despite the fact that Atsushi was still barely getting the hang of his own role in the agency, so it’s not like she was actually learning that much from him. They reminded him a lot of him and Akiko when they were teenagers, back when Akiko was uncomfortable being on her own and basically lived a couple steps behind him. He could tell Akiko saw it too by the way she’d make eye contact with him whenever the pair were being particularly cute. 

Seeing Atsushi step into the role of an older brother was a treat. It really helped him come out of his shell. Ranpo could tell he felt important now, as though he felt replaceable before but, now he had to stick around because he knew Kyouka wouldn’t be okay without him. Ranpo understood that. 

Atsushi was lucky he was so cute because sometimes he was more trouble than he was worth. He was clearly not doing it on purpose, but between the mafia, the Guild (Ranpo wasn’t actually mad about this one due to one raccoon-loving American), and the recent interactions with Fyodor, things had gotten a lot harder since they’d started harboring the weretiger. 

He and Dazai were pretty much constantly on call to come up with plans and put out fires at any given moment, and the shift could be pretty much traced back to Atsushi’s admittance to the agency. Ranpo tried not to be too bitter though because the Guild seemed to have come to Yokohama for Atsushi (or the ‘book’ which was Atsushi adjacent? Ranpo did not know), and without the Guild in Yokohama, it would’ve been a lot longer before he reunited with Poe. 

As stressed as he was with Fyodor and The Rats, he was getting used to relaxing in a lavish mansion with as many snacks as a man who was head over heels in love with him was willing to provide (it was a lot of snacks). 

Everyone had been insanely busy recently, and that was how Kyouka panicking over Atsushi’s most recent mission happened. 

He left every now and then for longer missions (even a day or two at a time) and it was fine, but for some reason this was different. He’d left at eight o’clock that morning with no intention of returning until the mission was over, and Kyouka was clearly having trouble with it. Kyouka had been pacing the office since he left, but Ranpo figured that had much more to do with the company Atsushi was out with, and not the fact that he was gone. It was going to be a fairly simple mission, as it was a stakeout for information, and Atsushi wasn’t supposed to engage. He was safer on this mission than most. 

But…Atsushi was out on a mission with the Port Mafia’s Hellhound, Ryuunosuke Akutagawa. 

Atsushi had fought with (and against) Akutagawa in the past, but this was the first time they were being told to directly team up, naturally at the behest of Dazai, and Kyouka was very obviously not okay with it. 

Ranpo knew enough to understand why Kyouka was wary of Akutagawa despite the mafia and the agency’s recent truce. It was the same reason Akiko was wary around Dazai or Atsushi may be wary of his orphanage’s headmaster. Ranpo couldn’t blame her for her fear for Atsushi’s safety, even if he also knew that the port mafia’s dog was more like a lovesick puppy around him. Akutagawa wasn’t likely to genuinely try to hurt Atsushi again. 

Besides, if he tried, Ranpo had no doubt that Atsushi would win that fight. 

That didn’t stop Kyouka from pacing non-stop and creating an insanely anxious air that everyone could feel. Ranpo glanced around the room to see if it looked like anyone was going to say something, but no one did. Kenji was on a case, Kunikida was showing Tanizaki how to file paperwork he definitely already knew how to file, Fukuzawa was in his office, Dazai was off somewhere being Dazai, and Akiko caught his eyes from above her laptop. She raised her eyebrows at him in a clear command, ‘fix this.’

Ranpo sighed. Looks like providing comfort was up to him today. 

“Hey Kyouka, have you had a cinnamon roll?”

She stopped her pacing for a second. “A cinnamon roll?”

“Yeah! There’s an American bakery I’ve been wanting to try that has them. Would you like to come?”

She thought about it for a second before shaking her head. “I want to be here when Atsushi comes back.”

“Please! I can’t get there on my own, and everyone else is busy.”

Everyone in the office seemed to double their work efforts. Ranpo bit his cheek to stop from smiling, it would seem everyone wanted Kyouka to go out for a pastry. 

She nodded. “Alright, so long as it doesn’t take too long.”

Ranpo was counting on it taking too long. 

“Awesome! It’s called…” oh shit, he hadn’t thought this far. “Karl’s Cafe! Yep! Karl’s Cafe.”

Kyouka tilted her head. “I’ve never heard of it.”

“Then I guess we’ll have to use a map.”

“I have the map of Yokohama memorized. It doesn’t exist.”

“It’s new. We can find it.”

Kyouka nodded resolutely. “Okay.”

Ranpo nearly sighed. All of these kids were a little bit too easy to convince to do things. Just implying it may be hard, but that he still believed they could do it was exactly how he convinced Kenji as well. It was mildly concerning. These children needed to get harder to manipulate if the agency was going to defeat Fyodor. 

As Ranpo gave her the general area that he had ‘remembered’ seeing it, she pulled out a notebook and wrote it down. This is when Ranpo’s reputation did him good because Kyouka was too bright to be convinced of this by anyone else, but Ranpo had proven himself in the agency over and over again. When Ranpo said there was a cafe that is not on any maps, everyone believed him. 

Which was great because he was straight up lying, and he wasn’t actually very good at lying. 

He and Kyouka started on the West side of town where Ranpo had ‘seen’ the cafe. He picked the west side because there actually was a nice little American cafe with cinnamon rolls on the East side of town, where Ranpo imagined they’d finish up. 

They wandered back and forth, up and down streets. He let Kyouka lead the way, and she took her job very seriously. She’d even taken to asking some random strangers they passed if they knew where it was. No one else had a map memorized, so Ranpo wasn’t called out in the non-existence of the cafe, but everyone said they hadn’t heard of it. 

They saw the red-head with a bandage on his nose from the black lizard holding hands with a pretty girl with long dark hair (Ranpo figured she was that assassin in the mask). Ranpo tried to start walking the opposite direction because he didn’t want Kyouka to be in danger, but she didn’t flee with him, instead walking right up to him and asking if he knew where the cafe was. 

He obviously didn’t, but they exchanged pleasantries before Kyouka said they had somewhere to be and continued on the path they were previously on. 

Ranpo was never very good at scolding people, but he felt in this particular instance that he needed to tell Kyouka not to be so incredibly reckless. Just because they had a truce with the Port Mafia right now, didn’t mean that it was safe for her to walk up to mafia members on a whim. 

“Kyouka, why did you do that?”

“Do what?”

“Ask that PM member for directions.”

“Oh. Tachihara wouldn’t hurt me.”

Ranpo sighed. “You couldn’t have known that.”

“I did know that. Tachihara is kind, angry but kind. I know him.”

Ranpo nodded and let it drop. He couldn’t very well argue with her when she had proven herself correct. He was never very good with people, but maybe Kyouka was better. It didn’t make sense to doubt her. 

It was easy to forget that not every person in the mafia was a bad person. Many of them are there because they were brought in as children like Kyouka or Dazai, and Ranpo can’t fault them for that. Just because he knew people that got out, didn’t mean it was easy to do, and he’s sure plenty of decent people are still stuck. 

Kyouka nodded decisively and went back to walking the direction they were headed, clearly pleased she won their little argument. She was lucky she was so young, anyone else acting like that would’ve angered him to no end. He probably would’ve started a bigger argument just to have one to win, but he figured he could just let the teenager have it this time. He may not be the most socially apt, but he knew it was weird to start fights with someone twelve years his junior. 

They continued to search the city for the cafe, which was obviously not going well, seeing as it did not exist. Ranpo’s actual plan was going perfectly, though. They had killed four hours so far looking around for this cafe, and Kyouka was so determined that he could tell she was much less stressed about Atsushi. 

Though he could tell that as they reached the East side of the city, she was dangerously close to freaking out about the fact that they hadn’t found it. Her usually very calm demeanor was getting more and more snappy, and Ranpo was a little worried she was going to use that knife she carried if he told her that he lied. 

“Kyouka, I think whoever told me about the cafe was lying to me. I think we’ve been pranked.”

She narrowed her eyes at him. “You, the world’s greatest detective, couldn’t have figured that out sooner?”

Ranpo didn’t appreciate that she said ‘the world’s greatest detective’ sarcastically, but he figured it was deserved. 

He feigned nonchalance and shrugged. “Sweets are my blind spot.”

She sighed clearly annoyed, but she believed him at least. “Alright. Do we head back?”

“And not let you have a cinnamon roll?! Of course not. There is a different American cafe not too far from here.”

Kyouka groaned. “Why didn’t we just go there, then?”

“I wanted to try the new one.”

He would apologize, but Ranpo doesn’t give out false apologies on principle. 

“Alright. Can you get to the cafe without me? I want to go back.”

Ranpo felt bad, but Akiko hadn’t texted him that Atsushi was back, so he had to keep her out as long as possible, so he shook his head. 

She groaned again. “Okay. What’s the name?”

Kyouka did actually recognize the cafe he gave her, as it was on the map. She turned on her heel and started walking towards it without giving him a second to follow. 

He caught up quickly, but now she was giving him the silent treatment. Which she continued to do until he bought her two cinnamon rolls and a hot chocolate, then she was willing to talk to him again. 

He was right that it would be fun to let her try a cinnamon roll. Her mood entirely shifted and he was blessed with the little smile Kyouka rarely had. It was always nice to see a child so robbed of their childhood get to be a kid for a couple of minutes.

She ate both cinnamon rolls and asked for another. After everything Ranpo had put her through today, he figured it was the least he could do. Besides, money had hardly been an issue since he gained a rich ‘rival’ that liked to spoil him. 

As she ate her third cinnamon roll and Ranpo finished his fourth cake pop,  he got a text from Akiko saying that Atsushi had returned from his mission. Ranpo thanked anyone that was listening for such convenient timing. 

He and Kyouka made it back to the agency fairly quickly. He didn’t tell her that Atsushi was back, but she seemed to be able to sense it because she was working double time to get back. She was still in a better mood than she’d been in before, but she seemed a little anxious. 

Ranpo let her lead them quickly through the train station without thinking twice. He would’ve slowed her down if he was still trying to distract her, but since he wasn’t anymore, he was content to let her basically run through the crowds. She wasn’t even looking to see if he was still behind her, which he found a little amusing. If he didn’t actually know how to use the trains, he would be lost for sure. But, he did, so he just kept an eye on her, as he walked lazily several paces back. 

He was startled for a second when he realized that this was exactly what Fukuzawa used to do when he or Akiko ran off ahead in excitement. Maybe what people say about everyone becoming their parents is true. He grimaced at the thought. Fukuzawa was an absolutely incredible man, and Ranpo owed him everything, but if he caught himself becoming his father he was going to have to make serious changes. He refused to become an emotionally repressed old cat man for anything. 

The moment Kyouka made it through the doors of the agency Atsushi was tackled into a very aggressive hug. Ranpo smiled to himself at the sight.

Akiko caught his eye and gave him a small smile, and he returned the gesture. 

The next day he found a small box with a crepe inside and a note attached. The note simply read ‘Thank you for your help yesterday. -Kyouka Izumi.’

Ranpo smiled softly at the note (using her full name was so silly), and started munching on the chocolate crepe. Kyouka was too smart for her own good.

Chapter Text

Ranpo was excited every time Poe called him. They’d become almost inseparable in recent months because being with Poe was incredibly fun for Ranpo and Poe definitely enjoyed himself as well. Ranpo was a little worried that Poe didn’t know he cared, seeing as the man kept bribing him to spend time with him by offering sweets. Ranpo wasn’t going to put a stop to it, though, as he was getting lots of free sweets. Poe was a very good detective, he should be able to figure out Ranpo’s feelings for himself, the same way Ranpo had regarding Poe’s feelings. 

Ranpo knew Poe was in love with him. How could he not? Poe was incredibly obvious. It wasn’t even a ‘world’s greatest detective’ thing. Everyone could tell. Fukuzawa had started saying it was about time that he met Poe as Ranpo’s boyfriend (which he was not). Even Atsushi had caught on, and Atsushi was not the most observant in the agency. 

Ranpo went back and forth between the idea of making him and Poe official or not. He could so easily ask Poe on a date, and put a label on what was clearly very close to a relationship already. Akiko had called it a situationship, though Ranpo felt as though it doesn’t count as one if only one of you is in the know, and he knows Poe hasn’t figured it out yet. 

Ranpo was just too scared to change things. He wasn’t very good at interpersonal relationships. He knew he was cold and uncaring, but he just found himself lacking the empathy that everyone else seemed to have. He cared for people and never wanted them to be sad, but that was different than feeling empathy for their problems. It was fine for friendships, had only started a fight a couple of times with Akiko or Fukuzawa, but a romantic relationship? He was bound to mess everything up. 

He was in love with Poe, he knew he was, but he wasn’t built to care for someone that way. Let alone someone with Poe’s anxiety problems. He’d need reassurance, and Ranpo was beyond bad at providing that. 

So, as of now, Ranpo was content with their relationship as it was. However, he still got incredibly excited when he saw that raccoon emoji pop up with his ringtone.

He’d been pretending to work for an hour when his phone started ringing. He checked it quickly, intent on sending it to voicemail, until he saw a raccoon emoji. He smiled, and went to answer it, being met with a series of hoots from his nosey ass coworkers. He glared at Akiko and Dazai, the main offenders, and in response Dazai just shrugged while Akiko winked. 

“Poe!” It wasn’t a particularly professional greeting, and he knew his dad would scold him for answering his phone like that if he’d heard it, but Ranpo did not care. 

“Ranpo?”

The smile slid from his face. Something was wrong, Poe didn’t sound happy to hear him. He sounded scared. 

“What’s wrong?”

He heard panicked breathing and movement on the other end of the line. “What is the Japanese word for the-the um animal doctor?”

“Veterinarian?”

“Yes!” he breathed out. “I couldn’t- couldn’t remember the word to map one, and I didn’t know what to do.”

“You could have googled it?” Ranpo changed his tone, he didn’t need an answer to that question, but he did need an answer to his next. “Poe what’s wrong?”

“I’m so sorry to b-bother you Ranpo. You’re right, I’m not…I should’ve googled it. I’ll be on my way now.”

Ranpo’s eyes widened. “Oh no you don’t! Where are you?”

“My house, but I need to go to the -uhm-” he paused for a second before getting much louder. “The fucking animal doctor!” 

Ranpo could tell Poe was getting more and more stressed, as he rarely cursed and rarely swapped to English mid-sentence, but that expletive was decidedly in English. 

“Stay where you are. I’ll be there in five minutes.”

“No, Ranpo, you don’t have-” 

Ranpo hung up. 

He grabbed his keys and wallet, and he ran out of the door. Poe lived a ten minute walk from the agency, as he’d intentionally chosen somewhere close to Ranpo when he’d selected a more permanent residence in Yokohama. Ranpo was determined to make the walk in five minutes, so he was walking twice as fast as he usually would, which was almost running. 

He dialed Fukuzawa as he went. 

“Hello, this is Yukichi Fukuzawa, how can I help you?”

Ranpo groaned. “I know for a fact that you have caller ID, old man! You know who this is!”

“It’s polite, Ranpo. What do you need?”

“I left work early. Poe needs my help.”

“A booty call is not a good reason to leave work.”

Ranpo felt his cheeks burn. “You know damn well that’s not it!” He took a deep breath. “I think his raccoon is ill or hurt, he was panicking about finding a veterinarian on the phone.”

“I was only messing with you. Helping your boyfriend take his raccoon to the vet is an honorable reason to miss work. Take care of him, Ranpo.”

Ranpo had no idea if Fukuzawa was talking about Karl or Poe, but he hummed in affirmative either way. 

It was quiet for a second before Ranpo said, “Thanks.”

“Of course, my boy.”

“Bye.” 

Ranpo hung up without hearing Fukuzawa’s response. 

He made it to Poe’s mansion in four minutes, and patted himself on the back briefly for beating his goal time, and went inside. He didn’t have a key, and Poe consistently hid the extra key in different places, but Ranpo always found it in a matter of seconds. It was a game at this point. 

It was behind the lightbulb in the doorstep light this time, and Ranpo didn’t even feel pride the way he usually would for finding it so fast. He was too preoccupied. 

He found Poe curled on the ground in his kitchen, against a wall basically hyperventilating and holding Karl to his chest gently. Karl wasn’t fighting his hold like he usually was which worried Ranpo. He was right, Karl had to have been sick or injured, but he couldn’t tell which, yet. 

He knelt down next to Poe. “Hey, Poe, can you hear me?”

When he didn’t get a response, he reached out to brush his bangs away from his face. Poe was staring forward, eyes wide and unseeing. Ranpo gently cupped his face to bring Poe’s gaze towards him. 

“Edgar? I need you to try to listen to me. Can you do that?”

Poe’s eyes slid towards Ranpo when he used his first name, as he didn’t do that often, and he nodded weakly in assent. Ranpo smiled as kindly as he could, hoping to convey his care. 

“We need to get Karl to an emergency vet.”

Poe nodded again. 

“I’m going to handle it, all I need you to do is try to keep yourself together. Can you do that for me?”

“Yes.” 

Ranpo nodded. He knew enough basic English to understand yes and no, but he was far from fluent. He just hoped Poe could stop panicking enough to speak Japanese soon because he wouldn’t be able to translate for the vet. 

Ranpo grabbed the cat carrier he knew Poe had for Karl, and came back to find Poe standing, slightly off balance, but clearly doing his best. He took Karl from his shaky grasp and set him down gently in the carrier. 

Karl was trembling slightly and whimpering in pain, but Ranpo didn’t see any physical wounds and he wasn’t being careful about any of his feet, so it was most likely sickness. Ranpo grabbed one of Poe’s jackets from a coat rack and wrapped Karl in it within the carrier, so he’d have his owner’s scent and something soft and warm. Karl curled up with it immediately, and Ranpo stood slowly, carefully not jostling the raccoon. 

“Come on, Poe.”

Poe didn’t move, so Ranpo put the carrier in one hand, and reached for Poe with his other. He gently interlaced their fingers and guided him out of the house, and towards a train station. 

Ranpo knew that there was an emergency vet a couple stops away that took semi-exotic animals. He’d ironically taken an injured tanuki there when he was a teenager. Because of that experience, he knew all the other nearby vets insisted on treating dogs and cats. He didn’t want to risk a vet not treating a raccoon, so he figured this was his best bet. If they could treat a feral tanuki then they could treat a domesticated American raccoon. 

On the train, Poe was staring forward, clearly dissociating again. Ranpo traced circles on the back of his hand with his thumb, as he whispered soft words to Karl, trying to comfort them both at the same time. He hoped he could keep Poe as calm as possible, so he’d be able to explain to the vet what happened, but it definitely wasn’t looking very good. 

When they finally got to their stop, Ranpo dragged Poe off the train by his hand. It was only a block from the station, so it wouldn’t be too much longer. 

“Poe, do you think you can talk to the receptionist?” Ranpo asked while they walked. 

He paused for a moment before responding. “Maybe. I can try.” 

“Okay, new question: are you aware that you’re speaking English right now?”

Ranpo couldn’t see his eyes, but he could guess that they widened based on the way he went rigid and turned his head towards Ranpo, stopping in the middle of the street.

“No.” that was Japanese. “I…I can’t remember Japanese.” and they lost it. 

Ranpo got the gist of that, and sighed inwardly. This was going to be tricky. 

Next to him, Poe’s breathing was picking up. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m going to fix it.”

He didn’t know many of those words, but he understood 'sorry'. He cupped one of Poe’s cheeks with the hand that was previously holding his hand. “Hey, it’s alright. It’s not a big deal.” The want to call him a pet name itched behind Ranpo’s teeth, but he wasn’t going to throw something like that at him right now. “We’ll figure it out.”

Poe’s breathing kept speeding up, and Ranpo gently stroked his face. “Poe?” No response. “Ed?” A glance towards him. “Edgar?” Eye contact, perfect. “It’s really okay. Can you understand me, at least?”

Poe nodded. 

“See? Everything is going to be fine.”

They continued the walk, reaching the office before long. Ranpo handed the carrier to Poe, and went to talk to the receptionist. 

“Hi! How can I help you?”

“His pet raccoon is ill, and needs to see a vet.”

“Of course. Can I get any more information?”

“Um actually. I don’t know what happened, and he only speaks English. Is there someone here that understands English?”

“There is actually!”

Ranpo brightened up and waved Poe over, as she called over another receptionist. 

Ranpo held Poe’s hand, as he explained what had happened to the receptionist in English. Ranpo would have to ask about that later because he did not understand much of it. Poe answered all of their questions, and then Karl was taken back by a vet. They were instructed to take a seat in the lobby while they waited.

The moment Karl was out of their hands and with a doctor, Poe broke down. There were tears streaming down his face, as he fought for his breath. He squeezed one of Ranpo’s hands like a life-line, as Ranpo brought his other around to trace patterns on his back. 

He let Poe cry, trying to be the most supportive he could be. This kind of thing was never easy for him, and he couldn’t help the way his mind wandered from topic to topic, as he waited for Poe’s breakdown to pass. He cared so deeply for the man that he was going to do his best to be a supportive friend, but he was never sure how to best do this. 

Poe abruptly pulled Ranpo to his chest, crushing him in a very tight hug. 

“Thank you,” was whispered (in Japanese!) against Ranpo’s head. 

Ranpo nodded. “Of course.” 

That need to call him a pet name returned. How easy would it be to just call him ‘love?’ Ranpo was beginning to think he really needed to bite the bullet and ask the other man out. This was getting a little bit insane. 

It wasn’t long before the vet was coming out, a very energetic, and clearly much healthier raccoon chattering from their shoulder. 

Poe saw Karl all better, and teared up again. Karl jumped down from the doctor and climbed up Poe to rest on his shoulder. He wasn’t trembling or crying anymore, and he looked so much better. 

Poe thanked the doctor and other staff profusely, shocking them with his fluent Japanese, and they were on their way home. 

“What happened anyway?”

“Karl got into the kitchen trash. It has a lock, so I have no idea how he figured that out, and must’ve eaten something bad for him. I think it was probably the coffee grounds. I’m going to weigh the lid down until I can come up with a more permanent way to keep him out of the trash. I was so scared he wasn’t going to make it when he started shaking.”

Ranpo nodded. “That sounds scary. I’m really glad he’s okay.”

Poe looked at the creature squirming in his arms. “Me too.”

When they made it back to Poe’s, they both sat on the couch thoroughly worn out from the day. Karl was sound asleep in his little dog bed, also worn out. 

“Hey, Poe?”

“Would you call me Edgar? You’ve done it a couple of  times today if I remember correctly.”

“Alright, Ed.” He looked at him mildly annoyed. He was just getting his attention to ask him something else. “Can I ask you something?”

“Of course my dear Ranpo. I’m sorry to interrupt you.”

“Would you like to be my boyfriend?”

Poe, or well Edgar, flushed from his neck to where Ranpo could see part of his forehead. 

“Of course.”

Ranpo nodded. “Good.”

“Can I kiss you, dear?”

It was Ranpo’s turn to blush, as he nodded quickly.

The kiss was soft and chaste, nothing more than a light brush of their lips, but it was everything Rnapo had imagined. He’d never kissed anyone before. He’d never had the desire to. People were annoying, stupid and more often than not, they didn’t like him. Like everything else, it was very different with Edgar, and Ranpo wanted more of it. 

They pulled apart and Edgar placed one more gentle peck to his lips before fully pulling a way. Ranpo buried his face in his hands and groaned. He felt weirdly giddy and very embarrassed. He never thought that he’d be someone to indulge in the stupidity that was often brought about by love, and it felt like the moment he gave in, he was drowning in it. 

“Is something wrong, my love?”

Ranpo blushed even harder and groaned again. He wasn’t sure how he didn’t notice that Edgar’s English speaking voice was deeper than when he spoke Japanese earlier in the day. He guessed he was a little busy. That didn’t change the fact that hearing it now was unbelievably attractive. 

“You’re such a dick.”

Edgar just laughed at him. 

It wasn’t until that night as they were laying together cuddled up, that Edgar seemed to realize what had transpired that day, as he bolted upright, knocking Ranpo from his chest and irritating him to no end. 

“What, Ed? I was sleeping there.”

“You can use the trains perfectly fine on your own!”

He said it like an accusation, and Ranpo couldn’t help but laugh. 

“For such an intelligent man, you couldn’t figure that out?”

Edgar looked at him helpless. “W-what?”

“Of course I can use the trains. I am the world’s greatest detective.”