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Sometimes, Obi-Wan felt like a duck.
He always made certain that he appeared calm, collected, and serene; the so-called ‘perfect Jedi’, but underneath the surface, he felt like he was desperately kicking, struggling to keep his head above the water.
One day, he had been Padawan Kenobi, the unremarkable Padawan of a remarkable Master, the next day he had been Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi, Master of the proposed Chosen One, Anakin Skywalker. There had been no adjustment period that all knighted Jedi get, there was no grace period of finding his feet, of finding out who Obi-Wan Kenobi was outside of Qui-Gon Jinn.
He had been Qui-Gon’s Padawan.
He was now Anakin’s Master.
Anakin was both terrified and impossibly brave in the midst of the terrible chaos that was the poor little boy’s life. He was undoubtably scarred from his life on Tatooine, and unendingly anxious about catching up to the level of the other Padawan’s his age. Anakin needed kindness, understanding, consistency. Anakin needed Obi-Wan to be the model Jedi Master, and so a model Jedi Master Obi-Wan must be.
Sometimes, Obi-Wan felt dizzy at how fast his life had changed. A week before the Naboo mission, Obi-Wan had been sneaking out of his and his Master’s quarters to go drinking with his crechemates. A week after Naboo, Obi-Wan had been tucking Anakin into bed after reading him a bedtime story about a pod-racing porg.
There was a mixture of guilt and resolve as Obi-Wan thought back on the last year. He had been distant with his friends to the extent of self-isolation, but Anakin had always been his priority. And there was so much to do.
He woke up early to make sure Anakin always had a healthy breakfast ready for him before classes, and that had been a struggle in itself. Anakin’s life had not been easy, and the boy was hesitant to accept food and water. To Anakin, three meals a day was excessive, a luxury that was not for him, and water must be carefully rationed. The Temple Mind Healer Anakin was seeing was mostly dealing with those issues, but Obi-Wan always made sure that food and a variety of drinks were available to Anakin whenever he wanted them. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner were always on the table. Gradually, Anakin was falling into healthy eating habits, and it felt like a concrete weight being lifted off Obi-Wan’s shoulders. His nails were bitten down to the quick from his constant worry over Anakin’s nutrition.
When Anakin was in class, Obi-Wan spent his time meticulously planning (fretting) over lesson plans. Anakin was a quick learner during their saber lessons, but he was becoming increasingly frustrated that he still did not have a real lightsaber, whilst Obi-Wan lay awake at night terrified that the moment Anakin had a real saber, he’d end up horribly injured. That the minute the little boy swung the saber, he’d cut his own arm off. Obi-Wan tried to breath through the paralysing fear. In only a few more lessons, Anakin would be ready to make his trip to Ilum, to craft his own saber. Obi-Wan must be calm, he must be rational. He refuses to hold Anakin back because of his own fears. Anakin would hate him for it, and Obi-Wan would hate himself for it too.
There were also things to teach Anakin that Obi-Wan had never considered he would have to teach his Padawan. Anakin was fluent in spoken Basic and Huttese, but the boy could only read a handful of words in Huttese and none in Basic. It was a slow and arduous process. Every night, Obi-Wan and Anakin would sit at the kitchen table surrounded by flashcards, phonics songs, and flimsi with letter tracing activities. Anakin always threw himself headfirst into their kitchen table lessons, sometimes with eagerness, sometimes with anger.
Sometimes Anakin cried.
Sometimes Obi-Wan cried too.
Together they persevered.
The first time Anakin had written his name in Basic entirely unassisted, Obi-Wan had stuck it to the cooling unit with one of their letter magnets, feeling so proud of Anakin it had almost choked him. Anakin had beamed so brightly it made all those long nights at the kitchen table worth it.
The first time Anakin had read a book to Obi-Wan all on his own, Obi-Wan had picked him up and spun him around. Anakin’s giggles filled their quarters with life, and Obi-Wan found himself laughing too. Anakin was succeeding, and that is all Obi-Wan could ever want.
Of course, the year had not been without its challenges, without setbacks and tantrums and tears. Teaching Anakin how to swim had been an experience that Obi-Wan was sure had taken at least ten years off of his life.
The first lesson had just been himself and Anakin, sitting at the edge of the pool with their feet dangling in the water, and it had taken half an hour to work Anakin up to that. Anakin’s tiny hand held Obi-Wan’s so impossibly tight, and Obi-Wan felt the physical weight of his responsibility for Anakin. The thought of so much water sitting stagnant in the pool upset and angered Anakin, but they had to work through it. There were so many possible missions where Anakin would need to swim in the future, and the thought of Anakin drowning because of Obi-Wan’s incompetency was something he couldn’t bear to think about.
Their first lessons completely in the water took much convincing.
“And you swear you won’t let go of me?” Anakin had said, his voice trembling ever so slightly.
“Never.” Obi-Wan had promised, squeezing his little hand.
“You swear it on your life?”
“I swear on my life I won’t let you go, Anakin.”
“You swear on…the most important thing in your life ever?” Anakin asked.
“I swear it.” Obi-Wan replied, looking at the most important thing in his life.
And cautiously, Anakin began his swimming lessons in earnest.
The weather had also been a challenge Obi-Wan had never anticipated. Anakin struggled with the cold, grey Coruscanti weather. He was always seeking out warmth, wearing extra layers of the thick Jedi tabards, and it was not unusual for him to march around their quarters wrapped up tightly in one of the many blankets they had laying around. Anakin’s first encounter with rain had been memorable, his little face pressed right up against their living room window as he informed Obi-Wan that free water was falling out of the sky.
Obi-Wan had told Anakin to put his boots and cloak on, and together they made their way to the door of the Temple. Anakin stood under the ledge, out of the rain, and watched as Obi-Wan stepped into it. A puddle had formed nearby, and Obi-Wan grinned as he walked towards it.
“Do you know what you do when you see a puddle, Padawan?” He asked.
Anakin shook his head.
“This!” Obi-Wan declared, jumping into the puddle, the rainwater splashing his boots.
Anakin gasped, delight on his face, before running over to copy his Master.
The two of them had ended up completely drenched from head to toe from running around the steps of the Temple, jumping and dancing in the puddles and the rain, their cheeks red from cold and exertion. And afterwards, the two of them walked back to their quarters, their boots squelching from the rain, but neither Jedi cared.
Anakin’s new-found love for the rain, however, did not transfer over to storms. Anakin was not unfamiliar with storms; sandstorms were a frequent foe on Tatooine, but thunderstorms were a different beast.
Obi-Wan had been asleep, sprawled out in his bed when something he could not identify woke him up. The rain was coming down hard outside, but inside their quarters was silent. Then there was a loud boom of thunder, quickly followed by the electrical crackling of lightning. Immediately, a tiny hand rapt on his bedroom door. Anakin.
The boy had been petrified of the storm, big, watery eyes pleading with Obi-Wan to make it stop, his arms wrapped tightly around his stuffed porg. Tears trickled down his cheeks when Obi-Wan told him the Force could not control the weather in that way.
Gently, Obi-Wan had dried Anakin’s tears with the edge of his sleeve, and shifted until there was space on his bed for Anakin and his porg to crawl in beside him. As the storm raged on outside, Obi-Wan recited almost every story he could remember being told himself in the creche, his voice soft as Anakin’s eyes drooped closed.
It had been a year since Anakin became Obi-Wan’s Padawan, and in these moments, Obi-Wan could tentatively hope that they would be alright.