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“And, for our next quest… Hell!”
“Caine, WHAT?”
The host of the digital game didn’t respond, and suddenly, in a blinding flash of red, Pomni, ragatha, Jax, Zooble, Gangle, Kinger, Bubble and Caine were in-
“Welcome to Hell!” the blonde in front of them squealed, waving vigorously despite the expressions of those behind her, either scowling or curious. Only one other demon appeared to be smiling, and his was so terrifying that nobody bothered to approach- save for Caine.
“This is my dear, deer friend, Alastor the Radio Demon!” Caine said, clasping a hand on Alastor’s shoulder with a chuckle shared between the two, that then escalated to a maniacal laugh that did not improve the state of Pomni’s panic attack at all.
Kinger looked around in amazement. “Hey, I was in Hell before! It’s so much nicer, I love what you’ve done with the place!” the chess piece chirped, referring to his and Pomni's escapade with the monster.
Charlie squealed, shrugging casually. “Aww, thank you! I’m Charlie Moringstar, princess of Hell and founder of the Happy- er, Hazbin Hotel!”
The demon with only one eye brandished her spear, expression threatening. “What do you cucks want?” she demanded suspiciously.
Caine piped up from where he and Alastor appeared to be engaging in idle chit chat. “We’re here on a team bonding exercise! ” he called in a sing-songy voice, and Kinger nodded.
“Er, something like that. Listen, our friends, Pomni and Ragatha, have been having some… tension between them for the past couple weeks.”
“They’re fucking lesbians,” Gangle exclaimed helpfully, her tone still soft and meek even with the unexpected curse. Charlie’s eyebrows shot up, and Kinger continued.
“Yeah… but, see, they’re both in terrible denial, and we don’t know what to do to help! You seem like a ray of sunshine,” Kinger gushed, gesturing to Charlie, before turning to the other woman, whose name he was pretty sure was Maggie. He hesitated. “And you seem like…”
“A lesbian,” Zooble said bluntly. “They’ve been avoiding each other for three days. Please help.”
Charlie and Vaggie clutched each other’s hands. “Fine,” Vaggie said after muttering a string of Spanish curses. She looked at Charlie again. “We’ll prove that they can find love in Hell.”
Kinger’s eyes went wide. “Oh my god, we’re in HELL?!”
Vaggie pinched the bridge of her nose with a sigh.
Zooble chuckled. “I’ve been there.”
Angel looked Jax up and down as the rabbit finished speaking to Caine, Husk lingering nearby the spider as he spoke to the circus member.
“Nice voice, sexy,” Angel called, and Jax turned to him with a smile.
“Well, yours ain’t so bad yourself,” the rabbit said with a smirk. Husk rolled his eyes, but smiled, amused. Jax did sound weirdly similar to Angel.
The rabbit squinted. “What even are you?”
Angel flipped his hair. “I’m sexy~ ”
“He/him is fine,” Husk interrupted Angle’s tangent with a tired smile, his expression growing slightly more serious as he faced Jax fully. “You seem nervous, kid. What’s up?”
Jax scoffed. “ Fine. So, my sister- er, friend- I mean, this annoying bitch I know, Ragatha, has been a mopey whore for the past couple of days because she’s I dunno- ‘in love with a girl’ or some bullshit. I dunno, I’m ace, okay?”
Angel covered his mouth to muffle his snort. Husk raised his eyebrows, also biting back a laugh. “Mm-hmm,” the cat hummed skeptically, a silent note for Jax to continue.
“So all of my other friends- I mean, the other assholes I live with are trying to get them together. I figured I would help, not because I care, because I want some peace and quiet for once, m’kay?”
Angel and Husk squinted. “Riiiiight.” they shared the skeptical, drawn-out statement.
“I think the best thing to do is to be subtle and discreet,” Charlie said, Vaggie still clasping her hand, Kinger, Zooble and Gangle leaned in to listen. “Keep dropping clues, and they’ll be able to figure it out on their own.” The blonde’s loving gaze shifted from Vaggie’s face to their intertwined fingers.
“Even if things are feeling… tense or scary or repressed… they’ll figure it out. Be it as friends… or as something more.”
Vaggie piped up. “You need to prove to them that they can trust each other.” Her smile towards Charlie grew slightly sad.
There was a beat of silence, before Kinger finally spoke. His voice was genuine, pure, and full of life.
“...I’m sorry, what’s your name again?”
Vaggie bit her lip, and Kinger rushed to correct himself with a laugh. “Oh, no, I know who you are. My apologies, Charlie.”
Vaggie released a brisk exhale. At least its not Maggie.
“Just get up in their faces and make em kiss,” Angel suggested with a giggle, Husk swatting him affectionately.
“ Angel- but, seriously Jax, you need to get them together and have them talk it out. I know, it seems like you’re prodding too much, but that’s always better than not prying at all.” Husk squeezed one of Angel’s hands, glancing at him slyly.
“Remember that night we really, truly met?” Husk asked, and Angel nodded.
“Angel hated you for following me. But… Anthony? He was glad you did.”
“I was glad I met him.”
There was another, strangely similar beat of silence shared between the trio. Finally, Jax got to his feet, speaking up.
“You two are making sex eyes at each other, so… I’m just gonna… yeah…” he darted away quickly, leaving the ponstar and the bartender bewildered in the dust.
“What do you mean you figured it out?!”
Pomni flinched at the demanding voices, looking back at Ragatha sweetly. “Raggie and I overheard you guys talking, so… we decided that we should talk, too.” Her face turned bright pink.
“We’re girlfriends now!” Ragatha said with a chipper energy, kissing Pomni’s forehead lightly, causing the jester to giggle.
Suddenly, Caine and Alastor dashed to the crowd of sinners and circus members.
“Have any of you fine people seen dearest Nifty-”
“OR BUBBLE?!” Caine cried, interrupting Alastor’s slightly concerned inquiry. Both grew dismayed as the crowd collectively shook their heads.
Meanwhile, on Earth…
Blitzo looked around, M&M behind him as they looked for the murderers of an entire neighborhood of humans. They stumbled across the described murderers- a little girl with one eye and flame red hair, and… a bubble.
“This is the guilty party, sir,” Moxie piped up, sounding slightly perplexed.
“They look like… sinners? Doesn’t the girl work for that fancy-pants overlord?” Mille added, her voice taut with confusion.
Nifty and Bubble glared at the two of them, before Nifty planted a kiss to Bubble’s lips. “You hoes will NEVER understand a warrior’s bond!” Nifty chirped in a high-pitched voice. Bubble shook their… head?
“Come, my love,” Bubble said solemnly. “One day, our killing streak shall continue.” They walked away into the sunset, Bubble’s… body leaning into Nifty’s small arms.
All of I.M.P blinked.
Finally, Blitzo sighed, licking the Asmodean crystal and beginning to walk back. “What the fuck is up today? A couple of cunts from this ‘Ramshackle’ place just appeared in my office.”
Loona shrugged from where she was standing, on the other side of the portal. “Must be a Halloween thing.”