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Harry was halfway through a dull shift at the Ministry when his phone buzzed with a new message from Draco. Taking a welcome break from filing reports, he unlocked his phone, expecting a quick question about dinner or maybe a snide comment about Harry’s laundry habits.
Instead, he was greeted with a picture of his 9-in-1 Barbasol bottle.
He frowned, not understanding what could possibly be urgent about a shampoo bottle. Just as he typed out a response, his phone buzzed again—not with a message, but with an incoming call from Draco.
Harry answered, grinning already. “Malfoy, why on earth are you calling me about shampoo?”
Draco didn’t even greet him. “ Potter, please explain yourself.”
“What?” Harry asked, holding back laughter. “It’s just my shampoo.”
“ Shampoo?? ” Draco sounded like he’d just discovered dark magic. “This is not just a shampoo, it’s some kind of cursed potion. Look at it, Harry. It’s nine. In. One. ”
Harry bit back a snort. Draco was in full dramatic mode, and Harry wasn’t about to let him off easy. “Yeah, that’s the point. It’s everything I need in one bottle. Efficient, right?”
“Efficient—?!” Draco sounded personally offended. “It says it can be used as motor oil. Motor oil, Harry! Are you washing your hair with motor oil?”
Harry laughed, trying to keep his voice steady as he said, “I’m sure that’s just a joke. Probably means it’s versatile or something.”
“Oh, it’s versatile, all right,” Draco shot back. “This thing could double as a cleaning agent for the Ministry’s Auror cars. This is like… some Muggle potion gone horribly wrong.”
Harry couldn’t help himself and let out a snicker. “It works fine. Smells good too, doesn’t it?”
There was a silence, and Harry could almost see Draco narrowing his eyes in horror.
“ Smells—? I thought that scent was your cologne! ” Draco practically shrieked. “Wait, are you… are you also using this as body lotion? ”
“Yep!” Harry replied brightly, fully enjoying the mental image of Draco clutching his head in the bathroom. “It’s everything in one. Why buy a million products when one does the job?”
Draco went silent for a beat, and Harry waited, barely containing his laughter.
“ You… put this on your face, ” Draco finally said, his voice deadpan, as if he’d just witnessed Harry performing a Dark ritual.
Harry shrugged, even though Draco couldn’t see him. “Well… yeah? It’s shaving cream too.”
“Shaving cream, shampoo, soap, conditioner, toothpaste, and motor oil. All in one,” Draco muttered, more to himself than to Harry. “Tell me, Potter, does it taste good? ”
Harry grinned, knowing he’d pushed Draco right to the edge. “Haven’t tried eating it, if that’s what you’re asking.”
There was a long pause, then the unmistakable sound of an exasperated sigh.
“I’m confiscating this abomination , ” Draco announced, his voice filled with the resolve of a man on a mission. “I’ll buy you proper shampoo and separate soap.”
“Draco,” Harry said, now openly laughing. “It’s really not a big deal. Muggles use stuff like that all the time.”
“Muggles,” Draco replied in that icy tone he reserved for life’s greatest disappointments, “are notorious for questionable life choices.”
“Oh, really?” Harry shot back, grinning. “Like what?”
“Like letting you think that ‘9-in-1’ is an acceptable concept,” Draco snapped. “Merlin, what would McGonagall say?”
Harry smirked, settling comfortably into his chair. “Probably that I’m resourceful.”
“No,” Draco replied flatly. “She’d say you’re lazy. ”
“Fine, fine,” Harry said, grinning so widely his cheeks hurt. “You can buy me fancy shampoo if it’ll make you feel better. But I’m keeping the Barbasol. Just in case of, you know… emergencies.”
There was a heavy pause, as if Draco were processing the full depth of Harry’s absurdity.
“ Emergencies? Like what?” Draco asked, sounding as though he were barely holding it together. “An unexpected need for motor oil? ”
Harry couldn’t hold back his laughter any longer. “Or toothpaste,” he managed, between laughs. “You never know.”
“If I ever catch you putting this in your mouth, Potter,” Draco said, voice laced with pure, exhausted exasperation, “I swear I’ll hex you.”
The line went silent for a moment before Draco finally muttered, “Honestly, I don’t know how you’ve survived this long.”
Harry wiped away tears of laughter. “Guess you’ll just have to keep an eye on me, then.”
Draco huffed, clearly exasperated but unable to hide the hint of affection in his voice. “Apparently so,” he muttered. “Though I draw the line at multi-purpose toiletries. Merlin help me.”
And with that, before Harry could say another word, Draco hung up.
Harry stared at his phone, grinning as he imagined Draco marching through Diagon Alley that very moment, determined to stock their bathroom with the finest toiletries money could buy. Honestly, Harry didn’t mind all that much. After all, if it meant seeing Draco’s exasperated smile every morning, he’d gladly let him take over the whole bathroom.