Chapter Text
"Should we have a baby?"
The question shocks you, like a wave of icy water. Your heart skips a beat and you even forget to breathe momentarily. Inches away, you can just barely make out your husband's pensive face in the dim lighting of your room. You'd never seen Sebastian quite this serious before.
"Like... someday?" You can't keep the confusion out of your voice. It's admittedly not a topic you'd discussed with each other much in the past, nor one that you'd given much thought to recently. The farm took up so much of your time even with all of the measures you'd taken to automatize the more tedious processes.
He shifts slightly closer to you in bed, one of his hands reaching for yours. You take it and he entwines your fingers absentmindedly. "Yeah, I guess? Maybe sooner than someday..." His brow creases as his voice trails off. His eyes are aimed at the space of mattress in between the two of you as he seems to consider what it is he wants to say. You idly stroke his hand with your thumb as you wait. "I don't know, I guess it just feels like the next logical step, right?"
There's a part of you that's slightly annoyed that he chose now to bring this up. After a long day of harvesting and kegging ancient fruit, taking care of the animals, and running errands for your neighbors, all you wanted after your nightly shower was to collapse in bed and pass out. But you know Sebastian. For him to bring it up like this, it must be weighing heavily on his mind.
You drag yourself up into a sitting position on your bed and, with a quiet sigh, lean over to turn your nightstand lamp on. You turn back to him and note that, in the light, his face holds more anxiety than you had previously noticed. You push the fatigue down for now and take both of his hands in yours.
"Seb, do you want a... a baby?" You ask, with slight hesitation.
A beautiful light blush washes over his pale features and his gaze falls away from yours. "Do you?"
"I asked you first."
"Technically, I asked you first."
With a click of your tongue, you loose one of your hands from his and pinch him on the outside of his wrist. "Don't argue with me. I'm trying to have a serious discussion here. One that you initiated, I might add."
He hisses, mostly for show, but pulls your free hand back into his and squeezes. "I know. I'm sorry." His dark eyes meet yours, and you feel yourself melt just a little. "I didn't mean to bring it up so suddenly. I know you're tired. If you want to just go to sle-"
"Stop stalling and answer the question already. Please."
His eyes briefly fall away from yours again. "I- It's complicated. I never thought it would even be a possibility for my future. I guess that's why I wanted to know what you were thinking."
"It just seems like this came out of nowhere."
"We've been married for a while now. Every time I go into town, every time I visit my mom or Sam, it's non-stop questions." He adopts a high-pitched mocking tone. "When are y'all gonna have kids? Are y'all thinking about kids yet? It's about time for new little ones, don't you think?"
You shake your head, eyes wide. "I had no idea... No one's mentioned anything like that to me."
He sighs. "I'm honestly surprised, but I guess that's a good thing. I'd hate for them to harass you, too."
"Still, I know that has to be hellish for you." You lean forward to rest your head against his shoulder in a gesture of solidarity, turning your chin so you can look up at him through your lashes. "You don't, um, want to have a baby to get the town off your back... right?"
"No!" His hands rush to cradle your face and he lifts your head off his shoulder and stares into your eyes. "God, no. I don't care about them. I just want to know what you want."
You search his eyes and find nothing but sincerity. You nod and take hold of one of his hands again. "Well," you start, "if I'm being honest, I haven't really considered it until now."
"Before I came to Pelican Town," you continued, "I was so tied up in the corporate world that I didn't have time for bare minimum friendships, let alone a partner and children. For a long time, I thought I'd be stuck there forever. And when I came here, I was so focused on cleaning this place up and not making a fool of myself."
"I didn't think you'd last a month, you know."
You graciously ignore that comment. "What I'm trying to say is I never once imagined I'd be living the life I'm currently living. Here on a successful farm, married to the love of my life. I had no idea what was in store for me. For us."
This time it's his thumb that strokes the back of your hand. "Yeah... Me either." His gaze burns into the very fibers of your soul.
You lift his hand to your lips and press a gentle kiss to the back of it. "I wouldn't mind seeing what else is in store for us. But if that does end up being a kid or two, I want to make sure we're doing it for the right reasons. Not because it's the 'next logical step' or what someone else wants us to do, you know?"
"Yeah, I get what you're saying..." He pauses, seemingly conflicted. "Actually, I don't think I've been completely honest with you."
"What do you mean?" You ask with a slight tilt of your head.
"The nagging from everyone in town isn't really what got me thinking about this kind of stuff... I mean, I'm used to that from them."
Your brows press together in slight confusion. "Okay... then what brought this up?"
"Well," he pauses to inhale through his mouth, "you remember what you said when we found Freddy?"
Your eyes stray to the terrarium in Sebastian's nook. The light from the lamp doesn't quite reach all the way, but you can make out the dark, boxy shadow of the enclosure. Inside lives Freddy, the little frog you'd rescued together up on the mountain not too long ago.
"Remind me?" You ask after a moment of thought. The day's exhaustion remains patiently waiting to be dealt with, and its heaviness leaves room for little else in your mind.
Thankfully, Sebastian is just as patient with you. "When we finally got him out of that bush, you called him our son."
"Oh." The memory comes back to you finally. "I guess I did. You said he had my nose."
"I stand by that."
You swat at him with playful ire. "You're so fucking mean."
He intercepts your attack by grabbing your wrist and entwining your fingers again. "Nah, I mean it as a compliment. I think Freddy has a beautiful nose."
"Oh, well, in that case..." Your sarcastic tone is accentuated with what you can only assume is an award-winning eye roll. "Seriously, though. What about it?"
"Calling Freddy our son?"
"Yeah."
"I just... I don't know. When you said that my heart started racing. Ever since, I can't stop thinking about what it would be like to have an actual kid in the house. Sometimes at night, when I can't sleep, I just sit here thinking about what they would look like, who they would take after."
"Oh."
"Yeah, it's crazy." He runs a hand through his messy hair. "And then I go into town and fuckin' Jodi is like, 'You should really start thinking about kids, they're the best thing that'll ever happen to you,' and in the past I would've just ignored it. But now, like, shit. I almost believe her."
You find yourself at a loss for words. You never would've guessed the inner turmoil your husband had been dealing with. You rescued that frog, what, two or three weeks ago? Had he really been thinking about this stuff the whole time? A sliver of guilt worms its way inside your gut. What kind of wife were you to not notice? Yeah, you'd been busy on the farm, but that wasn't a good excuse. If your work could make you so oblivious to your husband's needs, how could you ever raise a child?
"Hey." Sebastian's voice drags you back to earth. His dark eyes are full of concern when yours meet them. "What are you thinking right now?"
You take a deep, shaky breath. "Just that... I wish I had paid more attention to what you were feeling. I had no idea... I feel like a terrible spouse."
"No, no. God, no. How could you know?" Sebastian pulls you a little closer to him. "I didn't say anything. You know I spend a lot of time stuck in my own head. Always have. It's not like you can read minds."
"Maybe not, but shouldn't I have picked up on... something?" You chew on your bottom lip. "I really had no idea."
"That's why I'm telling you now. I don't want you to feel guilty. You didn't do anything wrong."
"Hm."
"I'm serious." His hands move back up to cup your face. "Don't make me out to be some sort of fucking martyr."
A small laugh comes out of you in the form of an exhale and you lean your cheek into the palm of his hand. "Okay. Wouldn't want to be too sympathetic to you."
"Thank you." His thumb strokes your cheek. He presses a gentle kiss to your forehead before his hands fall away and his expression turns serious again. "I didn't say all of that to try to pressure you into something, either. I just think I should be more honest with the person I've pledged the rest of my life to."
You give a small nod. "That makes sense."
"Alright. So tell me what you think. Be honest with me, too."
You take a moment to collect your thoughts in an attempt to turn them into a coherent sentence. You really hadn't given it much thought until now, whereas Sebastian's had at least a few weeks to mull over his own feelings. Though you suppose that's not a terribly long time when it comes to something like this. You're not against the idea of having a child. It would be something of a logistical nightmare, what with the farm and all. You'd have to take it easy for a while, if you did wind up pregnant. Financially, you could easily survive on your savings.
Thoughts of your own parents come to mind. Loving, but eternally busy. Life in the city is never easy, much less so when you're trying to raise a child. You were cared for, and certainly loved, but there was always the problem of your parents being stretched too thin. Your heart still aches sometimes at the memory of lonely dinners, quick hellos, I love yous, and goodbyes. You tried so hard not to be an inconvenience to them. They provided for you and helped you reach adulthood. How could you ask them for anything more?
"If we had a baby," you start slowly, your eyes meeting his, "I don't ever want them to think they come after anything else. They should be our number one priority. Even if that means we have to give up everything else. Do you think we can do that?"
He takes a moment before responding. "Yeah," his voice is soft and rough, thick with emotion. "I agree. If we have a kid, we can't half-ass it."
"No, we can't," your voice is nearly a whisper now, "but I think if anyone can do it, it'd be us."
Sebastian's lip trembles, so faintly you nearly don't see it. No matter, though. His eyes shine with undeniable emotion. "Do you really think so?"
"I really do."
"So...?"
His question hangs in the air between you two, making even the light in the room feel heavy and meaningful. For a moment, you're surprised by how strongly you want this. A new little life to care for. A bigger commitment than the chickens and cows on your farm. Perhaps the biggest commitment anyone could make in life. You and Sebastian navigating it all, together. There's anxiety there, but also the belief that as long as you stick together, you'll be able to face all of the challenges that come your way.
You drape your arms around his neck. "Okay."
"Okay?" He's still, wary even. The question is quiet and, dare you say, almost hopeful? You squeeze his shoulders lightly.
"Okay. Let's do it."
There's a pause, a solitary beat, and then his arms fly up around you and he crushes you to him as he pulls you down onto the mattress. It's an embrace almost bordering on painful, but his elation is contagious. You laugh quietly as he peppers kisses along your face.
"Hey." You gently push away from him.
"Yeah?" He looks at you with nothing but pure adoration on his face. It's dizzying and overwhelming. You hardly know how to bear it.
"I have my annual coming up. When I go in, I'll discuss stopping my birth control with her. If we're gonna do this, I want to do it right, so..."
He nods, his mouth curved into an easy grin. "Yeah, totally." He props himself up on his arm beside you. "It's gonna be so weird."
You rest your hands below your chest and glance down at your abdomen. "I bet it'll be weirder for me."
"Probably." He admits. "Everyone in town is going to be so obnoxious. More so than they already are."
You hum thoughtfully. "Are we supposed to tell them when we're trying, or...?"
"Ugh, let's not." He visibly winces. "Can you imagine?"
You can't help but giggle. "Yeah, I'd rather not. Let them think we're a perfectly celibate married couple."
"It could be an immaculate conception, as far as they need to know."
"Oh my god, shut up."
"Our kid, the next messiah."
"You're the worst."
He lies down beside you and places a comforting arm over your torso. "You know you love it."
"Hmm..." You muse, drawing closer to him, eyelids growing heavy. "Who knows?"
Sebastian presses a gentle kiss to your lips, sweet and chaste. "Go ahead and get some sleep. We can talk more in the morning."
"...'Kay," is your sleepy reply. Caught just in between the boundaries of consciousness and dreaming, you hear your husband whisper to himself, "Our kid..."
That night, you dream peacefully of a soft, angelic face with eyes as dark as a starless midnight sky.