Chapter Text
The weather is sharper, where the windows remained closed. You could vaguely catch the sound of a phantom yearning for comfort. Whistling in quiet songs, slipping through the cracks of the house. The house was warm, it made his skin tingle, slightly sweaty it would be a stark contrast for when he awoke harshly. Jolting straight up, he gasped in sharp breaths, in and out.
The house was warm, the blankets on his lap were warm. Cultivated by the body next to him, he expected Genya to be there. Sleeping soundly, but snoring loudly. He didn’t look over, he just knew his partner was cuddled next to him, hugging an extra pillow with his hair probably tussled in untamed curls. He wouldn’t doubt it, his mind was reeling. The thumping of a tree smacking against the window echoes within his skull. It mingles close to the unsteady sound of his heart pounding within his chest.
The house was warm, the room dark. It was hard to make anything out, he squinted his eyes relying on his useful one. He reached to touch his chest- the anxiety slowly spiking up in his throat. It takes him a while to recover, inhaling quickly and then slowly. A hand roving to his mouth, muffling the sound of strangled squeaks.
The house was warm.
Tanjiro blinked, eventually adjusting to the abyss of darkness surrounding him. Hard to see, his eyesight struggling to meet an agreement with his blind eye. He was partially reliant of his surroundings and how they felt, his hands slowly coming down to the floor. His other one, cautiously pressed against Genya’s body, originally placed on his forehead before he leaned over and brushing his fingers through his messy hair.
Genya’s leg was resting over Tanjiro’s ankles, his body warm, comforting. . .it was slightly reassuring. A stark contrast from where he previously was, retracing his footsteps in the forest with a blizzard reigning down on him. Icy breath, traveling back to his home where eventually, he’d freeze because of the scent of blood.
Tanjiro shook his head, anxiety spiking right through his heart again. His heart tightened in his chest, he retreated his hand and deliberately slipped out of bed. It hurts to move, his joints slightly hissed and his eyes squeezed shut from the noise it makes. Not that it matters, Genya was always a heavy sleeper, he snored louder than Inosuke sometimes- not that it was an issue. Tanjiro found it endearing, the way he’d drool and looked blissed out. His lips parted, and light would often glint against his sharp teeth. His eyes shut gently, and his cheeks would be colored in such a pretty rosy color.
Tanjiro pushed himself from the floor, cautiously walking away, one step over the other he approached the door with his hands held out. There were shadows, and unreadable objects placed around the room. His fingers gently caressing the door before he cautiously slides it open. It hisses, not violently- it’s a very delicate sound. He softly sighed. He could catch a scent of his family, his friends sleeping all huddled together in the room in front of them.
He bit his lip, wandering away into the main room hoping that—-that if he cleared his mind it would push the fear away. As recent, nightmares have been worse. Mocking, they were mocking and he hated that. Reminding him of the past that no longer mattered, he had so little to live now, and it would be as if he was being spited? Why relive trauma that he no longer——
Augh.
“This is so exhausting,” he murmured leaning against the counter of kitchen. His heart was still pounding in his chest, loud enough to make his ribs tremble, from the true ribs to the false ones, rattled. His throat was tight, like he couldn’t just breathe, such a simple task that Inflamed his throat.
And then, when he dare shut his eyes he knew he was thinking back to his sleep. From when he stood in front of his house, not this house, the one he grew up in. Not daring to take a step forward, the scent of blood was all too familiar. It made his own run cold, all that was too warm-frozen as if the weather grew intense alongside his emotions.
His hands dragged over his face, pressing and rubbing his skin; somehow fragile under his touch he grounds himself against the feeling of himself. He—-he—- him- he, himself Tanjiro was there.
“Tanjiro?”
He thought he spoke it, but the voice came from a different area, not from the irritation of his throat. His skin crawled, and he jumped catching a glimpse of a shadow in the corner of his eye. He looked over, his eyes widening as he takes the figure calling out to him. Blocky hairs entirely hard to see behind the dark shades of this house.
“Tanjiro,” He spoke again, but his voice clearer. It wasn’t Genya, the idea of that worried him, but it was concerned. It wasn’t a gruff tone, the way they spoke was soft and weak. As if they just woke up, the light of the distant moon finally illustrating his friend.
“Tanjiro, are you okay?” The blond boy inquired, stepping over as if the space closing between them was him reaching out for him. “You look. . .off.”
Tanjiro shivered again, glancing away. He knew Zenitsu would find him out, he already did before. In the casualness of nighttime, he would awake easy, for his ears caught wind of every damn crack and sigh. He bit his lip, he didn’t want to lie to him, but he doesn’t want this to continue.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Just— just tired.” He weakly spoke back, his heart squeezing tightly within his chest, its a loud noise—like rope cracking when tightened intensely.
“Are you sure?” He corrected, in way it sounded like a question, but he said it in a way that was stern. Demanding honesty—honesty that Tanjiro should know to give. “I heard you moving around, and I thought. . .I thought maybe you were having another nightmare.”
Tanjiro didn’t wince, but he wanted to. He folded his arms, his hands squeezing his forearm as he tried to find a way out of this.
“It’s nothing, really. Just a bit restless. You know how it is.” He weakly murmured. It was hard to sound certain, his tone airy, like a desperate whisper when you’ve been suffocated by heavy snow.
He wanted to turn away, especially when Zenitsu neared him once more. His friend settled next to him, their shoulders flushed together touching in a comforting way. It was always astonishing when he did this, the way he comforted people was special, it was always so specific. He listened in a way that was very, quiet.
“Restless? It’s more than that, isn’t it?” He scoffed, poking at Tanjiro with narrowed eyes. He studied his friend, taking the slightest of hints. “I can tell. You shouldn’t brush it off like that.”
“Zenitsu, please.” Tanjiro started, awkwardly glancing away.
Zenitsu paused, noting the tiredness recent under his eyes, the glints of vague light on the sweet on Tanjiro’s neck. He raised an eyebrow, feeling his unease grow. He hated it when Tanjiro did this, his personality lingering months after their occupation. No matter the circumstance, he tries to be as honest as always, but ‘out of the way’.
“—I don’t want to talk about it. Just. . .don’t wake Genya.”
“I’m not trying to make a big deal out of this.” Zenitsu countered, nudging him forcefully. “I just don’t want you to feel alone. You know I care about you, right?”
There it was, Tanjiro felt his knees buckle. Everyone cared about him, he knew that well enough. He appreciated them, passionate that his family worried him so often, adjusted to his usual demeanor they wouldn’t dare let him overextend himself in classic ‘Tanjiro’ fashion.
“I know. It’s just. . .I don’t want to burden anyone. I can handle it.”
Burden, of course. It’s enough to have him rolling his eyes, and Tanjiro knew the effect it was having on his friend, and that is burdening enough.
“Oh mimimimi——Handling it is one thing,” The blondie snipped back, trying not to sound too irritated, “-but you don’t have to go through it alone. . .”
His voice trailed off, and he leaned his head on Tanjiro’s shoulder. He knew in a different place this would be wrong, for as someone as jealous as Genya, and then as judging as Inosuke he preferred to show his friend how affectionate he could be when he needed the reassurance, “If you ever need to talk, I’m here. I promise.”
. . .and what of his sickness? That must be why he’s always so alerted, Hard to not acknowledge it.
“I’ll think about it. Just. . .maybe keep it down?” Tanjiro whispered, his eyes stung. He leaned his head back to Zenitsu’s; the discomfort within his stomach coiled into a spiderweb, “I don’t want Genya to worry.”
“Of course. I won’t tell. But I’ll be here if you need me, okay?”
.
.
.
“Okay. Thanks, Zenitsu.”
[ . . . ]
That next morning, he was chipper. Genya awoke in a way that felt refreshing. From the moment his eyes snapped open to the way he sat up and stretched his limbs. Smugly smirking to feel the thickness of his muscles, the way he reached forward and worked his body to awake. His joints were healthy, and his lungs breathed with life. Oh how he loved living, the way everything was right. It was Great- amazing? Yeah. It was amazing!
When he turned to his side, folding an arm behind his head alternating the joints he worked. He would catch sight of his partner, Tanjiro, the love of his life softly snoring and drooling into his pillow. His eyelashes curled, the length of them adding a shade of heaviness under his eyes, or so that’s what he thinks it is. His hair grown longer— his earrings complacent against the pillow. He would take a few minutes to gawk at him, studying him with such an adoration. The way his lips seemed so soft, or the way he was half eating his hair because when he slept—-he slept with his mouth gaped open.
Everything was perfect.
It should be amusing, but damn Genya finds him so adorable. And when he realized it, that he found him adorable, he was smiling. Genya groaned and patted his partner’s shoulder deciding not to shake him awake. His hand lingered, and then he pulled away up and ready he walked out of the room.
When he walked out, he found himself to be aware of the time it was. The main room, kitchen alongside the kitchen was bright with sunlight. Partially high in the sky, the sun traces over the trees at the outside. Late morning, he doesn’t remember the last time he slept that long, it was routine for Genya to wake up to the noise of plates clattering and loud bickering. Tanjiro would be humming as he cooked breakfast, and then Inosuke would be chanting for the food. He’d approach, and the house would feel warm, the scent of food would be laced into the air. There’s just a hint of dread planting its seeds into his veins, but it’s not enough to make him confront it.
.
.
.
This was not the routine, had Tanjiro overslept alongside him? That’s so unlike him, that’s never happened. He can’t help but feel thrown off his rhythm, unsure what to do with himself. It might be that Tanjiro wanted an easy day, that thought makes him feel lighter. Though, the morning is vacant without Tanjiro’s domestic duties, he relishes in the idea of being the one to fulfill that purpose today—- and if Tanjiro learns to loosen up some more— maybe the next day and the day after.
He nodded, worry about Tanjiro oversleeping later- cook now. He hummed his partner’s theme, mimicking the way he moved when he began his morning. Apron, fabric so soft it’s a crime for it to be near open flames. Ingredients stored in their respectful places, they should be presented as per Tanjiro’s request. Labels and all, they’d be neatly stored.
His heart swells, and he absently moved for he was going to cook something wonderful-something that should leave Tanjiro’s mouth watering. Essentially, something that would appear to have been made in a restaurant. Genya cracked a few eggs, and scrambled them once they screamed under the heat of grease and flames. It’s a loud sound, he knows that Tanjiro’s hearing isn’t the at it should be, but the scent of food should have his partner out of bed.
How weird, he must be real tired. . . ?
The muffled sound of gentle footsteps followed, one by one nears the kitchen. The sounds were careful, like there was barely any weight behind them, and he knew better than to assume it was his lover. Then the thuds grew heavier, two soft then four more louder. More than one-no-two! He glanced over, and then they showed up train fashion, literally.
Nezuko yawning silently, walks past to the table, behind her clung a leech, a creature with blond hair and whiny complaints, then behind the leech was a thing . A beast with unnecessary growls and huffs, uttering his grievances as he tugs on Zenitsu’s nightwear. But— never Tanjiro, he must still be asleep. . .for him to be the last to awake made the dread stiffen his limbs.
The youngest, Nezuko, had waved at him with her classic sweet smile. Her eyelids shut from her lingering slumber, her hair was messy, curled and tangled but remained neat. She seemed to not mind Zenitsu holding onto her clothing so tightly.
Zenitsu, just looked over- murmuring a ‘morning’ his voice groggy and raspy, but higher pitched. His eyes studied, looked away, and then looked back. A double take.
He raised an eyebrow, watching in fascination as they seat themselves one by one at the table. Or— well- Zenitsu paused and turned over with a surprised look. Genya cooking breakfast, how unlike him, he only cooked on rare occasions.
Inosuke didn’t even mind him, he just sat down impatiently finding his arms, for his body yearns for food. He requires substance, his stomach demanding nutrients and protein, demanding little prick.
If Tanjiro were there, he’s sure he’d scold him, not in a parental way- nothing stern but gentle. His finger tutting and his smile adorable. He has the patience Genya lacks.
Zenitsu stalked over, his hands placed behind his back as he peers over, an unsure smile plastered on his face as he eased into a discussion. “M—-Morning, Genya. Never thought I’d see you in Tanjiro’s apron, of all things.” Then he had paused, his eyes flickering to the eggs, “Did he finally oversleep?”
Genya chose to ignore the way Zenitsu was talking to him, his concern returning and placing into his mouth. The scent of eggs cooking was originally tempting, but with the mood changing it made him unsure of it now. His jaw clenched, and the words ‘did he finally oversleep’ echoed in his mind.
What if he’s sick? What if he’s hurt? Tanjiro wouldn’t let me know. . .He never does.
He glanced back to their bedroom, reaching for a plate he awkwardly scooped up some scrambled eggs, “Yeah, weird, huh? He usually gets up before me. . .”
His voice died out, ignoring the sting that came in contact with his skin, a droplet of grease against his skin- he can’t seem to care, “You guys know if he’s been. . .I dunno, feeling off?”
The blond boy’s eyes widened, grabbing the offered plate. He awkwardly turned back to Nezuko clearly looking at her with a hint of panic. “Oh, uh. . . .” He started, approaching the table his voice is hummed out, stalling in responding. Sliding a plate over, Inosuke is fast to grab it.
.
.
.
His lips parted, “Tanjiro’s just been. . .really busy, you know? Maybe it’s finally catching up to him.”
But Genya knows that, Tanjiro is always busy. Even then, it’s never left him oversleeping after morning.
Nezuko quickly perked up, ignoring the feral eating right next to her. “Mm. He’s been working hard. It’s. . .nothing serious, though.”
“Working hard?” He frowned, turning back to the eggs, absently cracking them with the color yellow slipping under the grease. Submerged and screeching, they fried. The scent of eggs filled the air again, and once he’s gripped the woodened spoon. . .he shivers at the scent of cooked eggs again. But this time, he doesn’t imagine himself eating without Tanjiro.
He grimaced, continuing his unease, “He wouldn’t just crash out for no reason.”
Then his eyes narrowed back, now that he thought about it, these two were being careful, zenitsu should be teasing him, trying to piss him off. Instead, he was being polite. Then there’s Nezuko, the girl in her usual modesty was acting indifferent.
“You guys aren’t telling me something.”
That can be deduced easily. He glared at them, plating the next portion of scrambled eggs, instead of handing it to Zenitsu, he placed it on the counter.
Zenitsu could only laugh nervously, unable to reach over and grab the plate. Part of him was worried to be strangled if he stepped closer, “Wha—us? Hiding something?”
He laughed again, his eye twitching under the scrutiny.
“Never!”
The blond boy gulped. Shaking his head nervously, no, he doesn’t want to be interrogated by Tanjiro’s scary ass partner. The tall boy had an intimidating way of life, explosive, Perhaps, patient? Never.
“He’s just, uh. . .having a rough patch. Maybe a few bad nights, you know? Happens to everyone.”
.
.
.
Genya stiffened up, his eyes widening he digests the news but doesn’t believe it just yet. It just didn’t make any sense. The dread filled his veins again, and he stared at the scrambled eggs “Bad nights?” He murmured, setting the spoon down, “Like he’s not sleeping well ?”
He couldn’t imagine himself eating anymore, not without answers. The food he was making was cooking, but in vain, it’s not like it wasn’t going to be consumed. It was. But what’s the point without the love of his life, he’d never admit his feelings out loud like that, but with Tanjiro there -he enjoyed his meals some more.
Zenitsu chewed the inside of his cheek, he messed up, damn it. The promise from the night before suddenly vanished, he completely crumbled, he felt slightly guilty but it’s hard to not lie.
“you know. . .like. . .nightmares ?—”
Genya twitched and spun over, staring at him up and down. The idea immediately causes his throat to tighten, he ignored the burning eggs behind him. “ nightmares ?”
He began, starting to interrogate in his typical fashion. “ For how long ?”
He stepped closer to Zenitsu, “Why didn’t he tell me ?”
Nezuko while sprang up and over, immediately on the defensive knowing how overbearing Genya could get. She carefully tugged Zenitsu back, shuffling in front of the boy, “He doesn’t like to worry you, Genya. He thought he could handle it.”
He thought he could handle it? Thought? That doesn’t mean he should, alone at least. The irritation grabs his aortas making it hard to push his emotions. Though he’s taking deep breaths, he knows it won’t reign in his hurt. For the one moment, you think you’re providing, a stable relationship where you’re trusted.
“we talked about this.” He pinched the bridge of his nose, it takes most of his being not to snap. “He I mean- I’m literally his partner what else am I if he’s not telling m-“
Zenitsu twitched, his eyes darting away, “Hey, he’s still strong! He just needs some time, right? Maybe he just needs a break or something.”
“A break?” He scoffed, a strained laugh mingling with his growl. The rumbling in his throat hurts, getting caught up. It’s not that big of a deal, he knows that, but why not tell him? They sleep in the same damn bed for Christ sake. “You think oversleeping is just a break? It’s more serious than that!”
Third party member speaks up, Inosuke yapping with his mouth open—full of food. “What’s the big deal? Just wake him up!”
He twitched again, staring at him with a look of ridicule. His mouth flops open, prepared to repeat the same grievances arising from months before. The eggs squeal, calling for help, still burning behind him, the scent of charring gills the air and it’s still not enough to make him care.
“Genya, please.” The girl sighed, “Just give him a little more time. He’ll wake up when he’s ready.”
He bit his tongue, his frown worsening as he spun back to the stove. The sizzling sound of the eggs became a background hum, blending into his thoughts until the sharp smell of burning finally broke through. He froze, clenching the spatula as he stared at the darkening pan. A part of him wished it was just the eggs that were wrong, something he could scrape off and start over. But the churning in his gut told him it was more than that—Tanjiro needed him, and he’d missed it.
Grabbing the handle harshly, he tosses the burnt eggs into the nearby bin. He didn’t mind the few specks that hit the floor. Slouching forward, cracking two more eggs starting all over, his fingers press into eggshells harder than he desired.
Why? Why not tell him? It’s not like it makes him weaker, Tanjiro isn’t scared of appearing weak- he’s not prideful like he is. If it’s that burden bullshit again, it would only make him more annoyed. Leave it up to the sole caretaker, the one who inspired them all to just fucking live, and then render himself a burden. What he didn’t know, it’s only burdensome to keep this bullshit to himself. He felt his jaw clench up, glaring at the sizzling eggs.
Yellow, yellow and white mixing together, combining into what he desired it to be. . .this is so fucking stupid. Genya scoffed, “Time isn’t the issue, I just feel like his habit of keeping shit bottled up is getting worse,——“ he paused snd threw his hand up, “what if he’s carrying something really heavy?”
The room stiffened in, a hint of acrimony shared between the shared glances. Nezuko and Zenitsu flinching over the question, it hurt to recall Tanjiro hasn’t told Genya of his demon slayer mark yet. Zenitsu shrugs at the girl, unsure what to continue with. If he spoke, he’ll blurt something he shouldn’t—couldn’t do just yet.
“He’ll be fine, Genya.” Nezuko cleared her throat, weakly smiling as she approaches the boy from behind. Her hand gently placed on his shoulder, she tries to distract. “Really. Let’s just focus on making a nice breakfast for when he wakes up.”
Genya slightly deflated, visually unbothered by the touch of Tanjiro’s sister. “I guess. But if he doesn’t wake up soon, I’m going to check on him, no matter what.”
Zenitsu lit up, relief overwhelming his chest. Thank fuck, he wouldn’t need to worry anymore, “Okay, okay! We’ll keep an eye on him together. Just don’t freak out, alright?”
Inosuke finally spoke again, this time without food inside his mouth. He slammed his hand down the table, “Yeah! I’ll growl at him when he wakes up. That’ll wake him!”
“don’t think that’s going to help, Inosuke.” The taller one murmured, his eyes narrowing away as the girl grabs him a plate, holding it out for some more food. The tension in his shoulders didn’t leave, not yet.
He guessed, he can’t blame Tanjiro too much. He grew up not relying on people if he could help it, he was the independent kind of person. Right? The eldest son of the Kamado family, the expectation was there. . .he cant just unwrite someone’s wiring when they grew up to be independent.
“Still, it’s a plan! We’ll make sure he knows we’re all here for him.” Zenitsu cleared his throat, smiling awkwardly.
Nezuko nudged him, “And we’ll take care of him. Just like he takes care of us.”
That makes his chest feel lighter, his eyes falling to the bedroom hall knowing his partner was catching up on some needed sleep. “You’re right. I just. . .I worry about him. He carries so much.”
He awkwardly plates the food again, blowing out the flames before turning to sit at the table. His shoulders still slouched, clearly a little hesitant on accepting the positivity. It was fine forced, but he should work with it.
“We all do! But he has us, and that makes a difference.” The blond boy chirped, reaching over to pat his back, not exactly invited.
“Yeah! We’re like a pack! We stick together!” The boar boy barked out loud.
Genya cringed, but nodded. He slumped once seated, letting up on being angry.
The instance where they are a pack, it had to be understood. Their dynamics were reliant on eachother, so yeah he guessed they’re a pack. But does Tanjiro know that?
[ . . . ]
There was a lingering heaviness to his rousing, tossing and turning in the most subtle ways. Not by any nightmare, by for how wrong it felt. His eyes shut tightly, everything around him was warm and cozy, and yet it felt wrong . His body, sunken into the blankets, his cheeks nuzzled into the pillow with such bliss. In addition, the space between he and his side was notable, it was more than nothing . His nose twitched, and he caught a scent of scrambled eggs.
Well, he didn’t make those. He didn’t want to get up, but the thought of staying in bed filled him with guilt. He didn’t like to be lazy, it made him feel fuzzy, like he was blending in with time and whether he wanted it to go fast or slow, it would never go his way. His eyes snapped open, staring at the ceiling above, dangling star shapes hung over.
Lazy. . .
He groaned and slowly sat up, he didn’t feel refreshed- not in anyway. His joints and limbs were stiff, and then when he reached his arms out, legs spread to reach a target- he winced. That shouldn’t hurt as much as it did, like the cartilage clashed against his tendons, discomfort. He rubbed the back of his neck adjusting to the amount of sunlight passing through. . .the windows. The curtains were tied out of the way, and the room was neatly picked up.
He overslept, he doesn’t typically do that. . .he hit his lip pushing himself from the floor. He didn’t mind the disaster left the futon, Genya wasn’t in the room- where he usually slept empty. The blankets weren’t as cold from when he was under them. That much he could live with, he felt an odd sense of urgency when he left the room. Poking his head out, studying around the house.
. . .
Scrambled eggs, he cautiously stumbled over following the scent. It couldn’t have been Inosuke who made those; but it wasn’t Nezuko as well- the girl knew how to cook but she wouldn’t choose to make scrambled eggs. The house was nice and warm, the air clear and the outside cloudy with the sun beaming right through the clouds. It was a good day, it seems like it. He can’t drop the nagging feeling, the aching feeling crawling into his bones.
Nervousness?
Another nightmare?
The house silent, it felt uneasy. Zenitsu would have to be around, rambling on and on with Nezuko, or maybe running away from Inosuke who challenged her to a game of tag. Something—-not so quiet. He smelled the air again, and still— scrambled eggs. He peered into the kitchen, freezing to see Genya seated around the dinner table.
He looked mesmerizing in a way; leaning back against the chair with his legs propped up on the table, a bad habit. One Tanjiro would scold if he needed to, but he couldn’t seem to do it today. His partner was seated, fiddling with a box in his hands, it looked leathery, soft and miniature within his grasp. Leaning back, he was staring off into space, unaware of the new presence.
.
.
.
In a way, Genya looked mesmerizing. The way he was basking in the music that is the silence, his hair brushed, his cheeks tinted and his eyes somehow so pretty. The color of purple fits him so well, the way his eyelashes grew long— tracing every part of his expression so well, it would be hard to not understand what he felt in the moment.
Genya seemed to be thoughtful, not upset but not happy. Right next to him, was a plate of food. Softly steaming as if he just recently made it. He blinked, softly smiling— aw— he assumes that it was meant for him? Tanjiro cleared his throat, ignoring the feeling of guilt.
“Morning, Yacchi.” He greeted, not realizing the messy state he was in. He waved over, his smile inviting-or trying to be inviting. “Did. . .did you make scrambled eggs?”
Genya jumped, his shoulders moving as he turned to look over. His eyes widened and he quickly lowered his feet from the table, fixing his posture and seating, “Oh, yeah. . .morning. Figured you’d want something to eat. You slept in. . .”
His voice trailed off, and he smiled sheepishly, brushing off the low blush on his cheeks. His hands fumbling to shove the box into his pocket. “I didn't want you to eat alone,"
Tanjiro smiled at that, appreciative for his quick to fix attitude. “I did? I didn’t even notice. . . .thank you, really. You didn’t have to wait for me.”
He took a seat, settling in front of Genya. Gently grabbing the spoon and stirring the eggs around, stalling on eating. There was certainly something to todays ‘afternoon’ morning, he was anticipating for Genya to maybe interrogate him. He slept in, it wasn’t like him- and Genya was always so fussy. He could only imagine the other staying back meant he was studying him.
He reached to take a small bite, softening at the taste. It was warm, and he imagined it to be made with love. He hummed contently, welcoming the food with a happy smile stuck on his face.
Genya eventually asked, scooting his seat closer to the table, he laced his hands front of him. “Did you sleep well?" He said but struggled to continue, unsure how to approach him with a calm energy- one that wouldn’t push Tanjiro away. "You were up late last night, right?"
Tanjiro blinked, mid bite as the question was asked. Oh, had he stirred Genya awake when he moved around? “Oh, it’s nothing serious. I’ve just. . .been having some long nights.”
“Long nights, huh? Funny way of putting it.”
Then he was slipping, speaking in a way that would have sounded snappy. He scoffed, and strained a laugh leaning against his hands.
“Well, I don’t want to bore you with it.” Tanjiro glanced away, he wasn’t completely dense, he knew Genya was catching onto him. That in itself felt worrisome, churning his gut-making him lose his appetite. Scented air, eggs, doesn’t seem as appealing as he hopes for it to be.
“Bore me?” Genya shook his head, forcing himself to keep smiling, he foretold Tanjiro’s words- he expected nothing less of his partner to brush it off and act askanced. He cleared his throat, narrowing his eyes on him.
“So wait for me to find out from Zenitsu about the nightmares?”
Tanjiro went stiff, his eyes widening under the blunt question. He swallowed hard, the eggs fall down his throat knocking into the lump that was also there. He wanted to scold Zenitsu, for the boy told him he wouldn’t tell him out. “Zenitsu told you about that? I. . .I didn’t think he’d say anything.”
When Genya leaned forward, Tanjiro wanted to sink into the chair. Holding the spoon tighter,desperately hoping for this conversation to fade away, and maybe if he let it go- he wouldn’t feel as guilty.
“Yeah, of course he told me.” His lover spoke, his tone already lowering into a deeper octave, prepared to scold him. “Didn’t think I’d want to know that my partner’s been wrestling with nightmares?” He clicked his tongue, his jaw popping from the action, “Just. . .dealing with it all on his own, like it’s nothing?”
Guilty, Tanjiro looked to the plate, half empty he hates to think Genya made this for him- because he couldn’t get over a few silly nightmares. “I’m sorry, Yacchi. It’s not that I didn’t want to tell you, it’s just. . .I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it.”
Genya rolled his eyes, he stood right up and walked around the table. His eyes deadset on him, even he could get irritated with Tanjiro. And for Tanjiro, well he shrank within his seat, already knowing the scolding he was about to receive. The chair next to him, pulled out and turned, Genya sat down leaning his forearms over the back of it.
“Tani, we talked about this.” His frown hardened, “You can’t keep bottling shit up and expect me to be fine with that.”
Tanjiro looked over, and rubbed the back of his neck with a free hand. The scent vanished, and he caught wind of the emotions. Nearby, he could tell Zenitsu was ease-dropping—-his anxiety was a thick kind of smell. “I didn’t mean to. I just. . .don’t want you to worry.”
“Well, newsflash—it makes me worry more .” He shook his head at him, reaching over and grabbing the spoon. It wasn’t exactly gentle, but it also wasn’t unkind. Tanjiro lacked the fight, for he just let him remove it from his grasp. Genya scooped up the last of the eggs, holding it out to his lips.
Tanjiro watched, letting a soft sigh fall from his lips. Reluctantly, he leaned forward his lips parted—he tried not flinch with how gentle Genya is. It’s very kind, his partner laying the spoon inside his mouth, and waiting for him to continue the rest. Guilt.
“Every time you brush things off like this, I feel like I’m the last one to know what’s actually going on with you.” He expressed, genuinely hoping that his words would get to him.
Tanjiro—-Tanjiro felt his heart squeeze. He was right. It’s not that he felt it- it’s that he was right. He wanted to grab Genya’s hands and hold them intensely, blurting out all of his secrets and hope for the best after. To be holding each other in Shakespearean tragedy. Oh for sure, tell the love of your life you won’t live past 25, and that your nightmares are slowly based on you missing out- because that’s— that’s easy!
But instead, all he says is, “I just. . .I thought I could handle it myself. I didn’t want to be a burden.”
His partner set the spoon down and sighed at him, “Tani, you’re not a burden. But keeping this from me—that’s not fair. I’m supposed to be here for you, yeah?”
He waited for Tanjiro to nod, to agree—- be on the same page that they were meant to be on the same level of respect. When Tanjiro didn’t do that, he grabbed his cheeks, his palm holding his face forcing the other to nod—only earning a squeak from the other.
“So let me be here. I can’t help if I don’t even know what’s going on.”
He deflated, melting into the warmth of his hands, they’re big enough to just hold his body up by his hands, though he’s sure that would kill him. “I. . .I didn’t think of it like that. I’m sorry, Genya.”
But is that honest? He can’t ignore the loud thumping of his heart. Each second, each beat, another second he’s misleading him.
“Just. . .don’t keep me out, alright? We’re in this together. Whatever it is, I want to know. You don’t have to carry all of it by yourself.”
He shut his eyes. Leaning forward just to press his head against Genya’s chest, slumping like a ragdoll. “I promise, I’ll try to be more open.”
“Good. ‘Cause I’m not letting you keep shutting me out, got it?”
“Mhm. . .”