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While hanging out in an empty classroom, Ryker could feel the cool air of the air conditioner. He closes his eyes as he starts talking “You know, we should really tell him...” Ryker says, leaning his head on Kayden’s shoulder.
“What? But Mon chéri, you said it yourself, he might not be... Accepting. Of us.” Kayden replies tentatively, stroking Ryker’s hands.
“Ugh, I hate it when you call me that, you don't even know actual French, dumbass...” Ryker pouts, something Kayden was the only one who was all too familiar with. Kayden chuckles, trying to tease his lover.
Ryker sighs intertwining Kayden’s hands with his. “Why not now? I mean, sure, I was the one who didn’t want to tell him, but it’s just.... He’s our best friend you know...? I think he deserves to know babe.” He pulls Kayden closer, kissing his hand gently.
“Hah, you know he keeps on joking about queer people... I mean, sure, we joke about it sometimes,but only because we're keeping us a secret...” Kayden explains, tightening his hold on Ryker.
The two have a short moment of silence, Kayden nuzzling his face atop his lover’s head before speaking again. “All right, Mon Cheri, let's try telling him, hm...? I'm just...apprehensive? Even though he's our best friend, we'll never know how he could possibly react.”
“His cousin is part of the community.” Ryker points out, opening his eyes "he doesn't seem too bothered about it. Why would he be bothered about us?" He says with a Huff.
Kayden stands up and drags Ryker out the room, the hot air being more prominent after leaving the cold classroom. They walk through familiar hallways, entering the library after a while.
"Why are we at the library, babe?" Ryker asks, noting the lack of students, even though it was colder here than any room, it seems that nobody wanted to be surrounded by books.
“I just don’t want anyone to interrupt us while we talk, Roi de Mon cœur~ you wouldn’t want that either, yes?” he says, walking briskly towards one of the tables and sitting atop it. “Plus, since nobody comes here, they don't even bother turning on the cameras. Nobody can hear us, or see us." he says, a light pink dusting Ryker's face as Kayden leans close.
“What do you think, Mon Cher~?” he says and as Ryker shuts his eyes, he places his lips onto the shorter one’s forehead. “Wha- I thought...you were...” he stutters slightly, covering his face with his hands. “Pfft- hahaha, Tu es tellement pervers chéri~, you know I’d never kiss you at school, regardless of if it is private... I know you wouldn't like that.” Kayden says, teasing him as he pulls Ryker in for a hug.
“Don't worry too much Mon cher...” he laughs, calming Ryker down. He pulls him beside him on the table, eventually laying down. He nuzzles his head against the crook of Ryker's neck, seemingly looking for comfort. "I love you." Ryker whispers, hoping to hear a reply that never came.
The two of them talk for a while until they hear Kayden's phone ding, an alarm. Class was starting soon, and they had to return.
Upon their return, they find nobody in the classroom yet, everyone possibly still at the cafeteria.
Someone knocks loudly on the door, opening it in an instant, alerting them both. Kayden smirks at Ryker, looking smug “Shut up, Kayden” Ryker drops the pet name as some of their classmate enters the room, talking amongst themselves.
Class starts a few minutes later, yet neither of them could focus. Even though they talked it out, both knew there was more to be said. The class is noisy, affecting Ryker's thoughts.
After classes, the two walk down the stairs together since Julian had an emergency and had to leave early. Kayden silently grabs his lover's hand, intertwining it with his own.
Ryker notices and moves his hands away, causing the other to stop walking for a second before catching up to him. They walk silently, with Kayden’s thoughts being a chaotic mess. “What is going on, I mean, sure we’re still in public, but surely, he could at least talk to me, right?" He stops thinking about it as he notices his lover walking out the gates. "Where are we going, Ryker? Don't you want to hang out at the courtyard, maybe play some basketball or... something...?” he asked, unsure of the reason they went outside.
“Can we... Take a walk behind the school? You know, where nobody really goes to?” Kayden nods, thinking he wanted to talk about something, probably private. Shaking his thoughts away, Kayden walks silently, and as if comforting him from whatever is going on in his mind, he feels Ryker’s warm hand loop against his.
They sit near the overgrown plants, careful of the glass shards all over. “I actually need to tell you something-” “I have something to tell you-” they both say at the same time, pushing each other to speak up first, and somehow, Ryker convinces him to start.
“Okay, i think... I- no, we, must address some things, am I right?” Kayden says and Ryker nods at him, looking at the ground. “I’m...not sure I can keep on doing this, kay.”
“What? No... please don't say what I think you're about to say...” “I think” he stops, taking a dep breath “We should take a break from each other...”
“Why...? PLease, tell me what i did wrong...” he says, his voice cracking, and he starts grabbing his hair in a panic. Kayden immediately grabs his hands, pleading ryker for an answer “it's not you. it’s all my fault.” Ryker insists, taking a deep breath.
“Please just... tell me what went wrong. I promise I'll fix myself just please, please don’t leave...” kayden begs silently, voice wavering.
Ryker grimaces and starts “I... I know you love me, and I love you too, but sometimes, it feels as though I'm the only one here... I don't even know what you want! For fuck’s sake, sometimes it feels like you don't even care... just tell me you love me, why the fuck is that so hard for you?"
Ryker feels tears glossing over his eyes, yet he keeps on speaking “You hug me, and kiss me, but sometimes it feels like you're only doing it for my sake! Like it's an obligation...I know that it’s hard for both of us, especially you, so I try not to show it, but I'm getting tired...” tears drip down his face as he speaks, his words slowly being broken apart by the sobs he chokes on.
“I... I'm so sorry, Cher. I love you so much, but I can't explain it with words. Every time i see you, my heart pulses. I’ve never loved anyone this seriously, and I'm too afraid of what everyone will think of me, but I'm trying! I am trying...so...so hard, to express my love to you like you do to me... I want you to feel my love, but I am too scared, I'm sorry.... I love you so much, more than the world...” Kayden says as he can’t help but sob as well. It was true, he loved Ryker with everything he had, yet he could never find the words to express it.
“Well then, we both have our problems, but we should work on them together...” “Just promise you’ll tell me if I do something wrong okay? I’m not really...” His voice trails, and Kayden just laughs. “Yeah, we’re so bad at this... But we can help each other set things right, right?” “I love you, Cher. I love you. I love you. I love you so much...” Ryker looks at him and laughs, just laughs.
“What...? You were the one who wanted me to say it...” “You just caught me off guard” “Really?” Ryker chuckles before he replies “Yeah, it was out of the blue...”
Kayden looks away “Well I’m telling you ‘I love you’ and you’re laughing at me...” “Well, I love you to you know? We wouldn’t be here if neither of us loved the other.” Kayden hugs him from behind and he looks back at Kayden. “What do you want to do now, mon cher?” He thinks for a few seconds and responds, “Kiss me, hold me, nobody’s loved me like you...” He finally says.
Maybe one day, they could tell everyone. Maybe one day they didn't have to hide. Maybe. Just maybe, they could express their love out loud. But that was not today. So until then, they'll just have to keep loving each other in secret.