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One year. Blitzø remembered it down to the day. The day they got over all their bullshit. The day he realized exactly what he wanted. It wasn’t simple. It was difficult sometimes. Insecurity crept up on him from time to time without fail, how it always did. He wasn’t going to leave. He was in too deep. He had never gotten that far without his self-preservation instincts fucking everything up. It made him feel a bit delusional, like this could finally be it, the rest of his life, like it could be love.
Blitzø woke up to Stolas’s head on his shoulder, and his arm around his waist. He wished he could stay like that all day. His phone was buzzing, probably Millie or Moxxie telling him to get his ass over. He sighed, running his fingers through Stolas’s feathers. He stirred.
“Come on, Birdie,” Blitzø whispered.
“I don’t wanna go,” Stolas murmured.
“Okay. Five more minutes,”
“Aren’t we going to be late?”
“I’m the boss. We can’t be late,”
“Oh, so being with you does have its benefits,” He leaned in placing his hands on Blitzø’s shoulders, and kissed him.
“We do have to go though,”
“I was hoping that I could distract you,”
“Come on, I’ll make us breakfast,”
Stolas sat in the kitchen, drifting in and out of sleep. He watched Blitzø, busy in the kitchen. It was their anniversary. When they first started dating, officially, Stolas wasn’t sure how he would fit in the life that he had meticulously carved out for himself and his daughter. If the puzzle pieces ever didn’t fit, Blitzø would push them until they did. Stolas didn’t know if Blitzø loved him, but it didn’t matter. Stolas liked spending time with him, seeing him every day. He made him happy. That was enough.
“Loonie, I made breakfast,” Blitzø chirped in a sing-songy tone. Loona grumbled from her room.
“Hello, Loona!” Stolas said. She mumbled something back. He couldn’t tell if she liked him. She was hard to read. She kind of reminded him of his daughter in that way. Ever since he abdicated, he wasn’t allowed to see her as much. He felt as though Via resented him for that. He understood though. He would feel the same way. He remembered that Loona and Via seemed to get along.
The three of them piled into Blitzø’s van. Loona sat in the back with her headphones on. They pulled into a parking space.
“You seem awfully cheery today,” Loona said. Blitzø looked down, the part of him prone to hiding his feelings away gnawing at his insides.
“What? I’m not usually happy?”
“No, not really,”
“Well, It’s our anniversary…Stolas and I,”
“Aw, how romantic,”
“It’s not romantic. It’s stupid. It’s not important. He probably doesn’t even remember anyway,”
“You’re allowed to be romantic. It’s not an insult,” Loona replied. Blitzø shrugged.
“I’m happy for you. You should do something. I’m gonna be out tonight anyway,” Loona walked up ahead.
Blitzø realized that he didn’t really know what people did for anniversaries. Of course, he had seen secondhand with Millie and Moxxie. They got super worked up about it, but of course they did. Moxxie was a theater kid bitch. Millie was into that.
The farther the two of them got into a relationship, the more apparent it was that neither of them were saying three fateful words. For Blitzø, coming to terms with love, and admitting it out loud were two different fights. He had no reason to believe Stolas loved him because he believed that Stolas had no reason to love him.
When the two of them met for the second time and began their deal, Blitzø took solace in letting himself be used. It made him feel fulfilled, like he served a purpose. Exchanges made things simpler, more straightforward. Without an exchange, he wasn’t really needed. Stolas wasn’t obligated to feel anything for him. Yet, even after the deal ended, Stolas tore his whole life apart for him. Stolas didn’t owe him anything. He already did so much for him. Blitzø wasn’t entitled to his love. He didn’t feel worthy of it. He didn’t feel worthy of anything Stolas did for him. He didn’t deserve Stolas.
He watched Millie and Moxxie a lot. They made it look so easy. It was like second nature to them, like they were made for loving each other. Blitzø didn’t know how to love someone. Only how to hurt them. Maybe it was selfish of him to want Stolas, to want his love, to want him to stay. He was scared to death of hurting him again, but he needed to be selfish, because he needed him.
Blitzø, Millie, and Moxxie went off on a mission. They were going after some serial killer psycho bitch. It was quick, but exhilarating. He needed some good old fashioned killing to take his mind off things. After the mission was over, the anxiety was back. He was ruminating again. How could he let himself get so caught up in this?
“Millie?” Blitzø said as they were leaving. She turned around.
“I need help”
“Go on,”
“You’re always good with feelings and shit,” he hesitated. “I think I love Stolas, but I don’t know how to tell him that,”
“You don’t think he loves you?”
“Yes. No? I don’t know. I’m just scared I guess,”
“I feel like you’re overthinking this. I mean, have you seen the way he looks at you?”
“I don’t know what it’s supposed to be like, to love someone,”
“I think you do. You don’t have to be afraid of it. Don’t second guess yourself,”
“Thanks, Mills,”
Blitzø, Stolas, and Loona drove home together. Stolas was glad Blitzø was back. His jacket was stained with blood. Stolas knew it wasn’t his blood. It was a deep crimson, the blood of a human. It still made his stomach churn. A deep dark fragment of himself always worried when Blitzø would go off on a mission. Stolas didn’t feel secure in his capabilities to protect him if things went south. Ever since he left the Goetia family, he could feel his power dwindling. He felt weak.
The three of them entered the apartment. Loona went straight to her room.
“Stolas,” Blitzø took a deep breath. “I was wondering if you would want to go out with me tonight,” Stolas lit up. He tried to restrain himself from jumping up and down. He cleared his throat.
“What did you have in mind?” Stolas said, trying his best to seem relatively calm.
“Well, there’s this place I was checking out earlier in the human world-”
“Yes!” he squealed, giving up on trying not to sound too eager.
For a while during their relationship, it was as if they were shy around each other. Like they were fragile, could break at any moment. Dates especially seemed to be a sore spot, considering their first one at Ozzie’s ended in catastrophe. It felt like they were making progress. Stolas wanted Blitzø to be comfortable, to be secure enough in their relationship. He didn’t need anything in return.
Stolas didn’t have a lot of choices for what to wear. There was only one closet for the two of them, so both of their clothes merged into one big pile. Stolas picked out a long, vibrant purple blazer and black pants. He looked at himself in the mirror and smiled. It was going to be fine. He was going to be fine.
His eyelids shimmered with purple shadow. He confidently lined his eyes, and put mascara on. He opened the door to find Blitzø waiting for him. His eyes opened wide. He was worried that we did too much.
“Wow. You look…” Blitzø blushed. “Amazing”.
“Thank you, Blitzø,” Stolas said, a grin spreading across his face. “Shall we go?”
Blitzø wore a button-up shirt with the top two buttons undone. He looked hot, in that sort of effortless way that he seemed to have perfected. He slipped on some boots and his favorite leather jacket.
“I finally figured out that human disguise bullshit” A beam of light came from the Asmodean crystal, and in a flash, Blitzø was human. His skin was tan, except for where his scars used to be. His hair was jet black and buzzed close to his head.
“You have hair,”
“Barely,”
“It’s kind of hot,”
“Seriously?” Blitzø looked up at him.“Hair turns you on?”
“I want to fuck so bad right now,” Stolas blurted out.
“You are so horny,”
“Never claimed I wasn’t,”
“I do wonder what human fucking is like though,” Blitzø wondered. “If I blast you with this thing, will you become human too?”
“Was this all just a ploy to see my human form again?”
“No comment” Stolas put his hand out, and Blitzø handed over the crystal.
“I’m not very familiar with these sort of items,”
“You have to…arouse it”
“Oh?”
“You know, shit from lust. It’s all really…fucky. I was confused by it too at first. Should be easy for you though,”
Stolas was flustered. He tried stroking it. Thankfully, it worked before he had to try anything else. He looked down at Blitzø. He was still taller than him in his human form. He tucked a gray strand of hair behind his ear, and handed the crystal back to Blitzø.
They stepped through a portal and onto a concrete sidewalk. The sky was a dark indigo, murky with clouds, contrary to the perpetual reddish glow of the pride ring. They entered a revolving door that led into a restaurant. It wasn’t really Blitzø’s type of place, all bougy and shit, but he knew Stolas would like it. He borrowed some Earth money from Moxxie. It may have been without his knowledge or permission, but it’s Earth money. What would he use it for? Plus, Moxxie being the hopeless romantic he was, would probably encourage Blitzø and cheer him on or something.
The ceilings were adorned with flowers. Vines climbed up the walls. As they walked through the room, Stolas named every flower they passed by. Throughout their relationship, Blitzø absorbed many plant facts from Stolas. He stored them in his brain, protecting them. They were precious.
Stolas was talking about carnations or roses or something, but all Blitzø could do was get lost in his eyes. Stolas’s human form was so different, yet so undeniably him. He lit up in the same way when he talked about his interests. There was an air to him that just felt like home. It was magnetic.
“This is our first real date, isn’t it?” Stolas remarked.
“I figured it was about time,” Blitzø replied.
When they finished, Blitzø took his hand and lead him outside. He opened another portal.
“Where are we going now?” Stolas inquired. They stepped through together, and landing on top of a mountain above the clouds, overlooking the night sky. The world around them was pitch black, save for the illumination from the moon and stars.
“I spent a while trying to finding the best places to see the stars. I know that’s your whole thing, and you haven’t seen them in a while,” Blitzø said. Stolas smiled, wrapping his arms around him. In a blink, he retired his human form, and so did Blitzø. Blitzø never truly appreciated them before, but Stolas helped him appreciate a lot of things more. They dotted the sky, scattered. Every single one, though messy, seemed intentional and necessary. He watched Stolas, the stars reflected in his glowing red eyes. He was the prettiest thing his eyes could see. How could he care about the stars when he was there? He was the stars. Only him.
Stolas pointed out every constellation he could see. He was so pretty under the moonlight. Stolas moved his hand toward’s Blitzø’s. They sat like that, basking in the divinity of the moment, of all their thoughts, said and unsaid. A full moon hung over them, once a symbol of their entrapment, yet now tethering them together in a new way.
“I love you,” Blitzø said. Silence engulfed the two of them, and Blitzø felt as though he had made a terrible mistake. He heard Stolas inhale and exhale, shakily. He saw light reflect off of a teardrop leaving his eyes.
“Oh, Satan. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that,” Blitzø stuttered. He held on to Stolas. He couldn’t lose Stolas, even if he never loved him back.
“Don’t apologize,” Stolas said, wiping off his tears. “I’ve loved you ever since I first met you. I just thought that you would never feel the same,”
“Of course not. It’s just, I always felt like I was the worst thing to ever happen to you. I always end up hurting people. I didn’t want to hurt you,”
“Meeting you was the best thing that ever happened to me,” Stolas leaned in and kissed him. It was soft, gentle even. They hadn’t kissed like that in a while. Feeling Stolas against his skin, his hands on the small of his back calmed the storm in Blitzø’s head. He still didn’t know why Stolas was so adamant about him, why he wouldn’t leave, even after seeing all of his ugliness, his darkness. He didn’t need to know. He loved Stolas. Stolas loved him. Blitzø wanted to give Stolas what he wanted, and Stolas wanted him, even if Blitzø believed he deserved better.
“Ready to go home?” Blitzø asked. Stolas nodded.
The apartment was vacant when they came back.
“Loona’s out tonight, so we could,”
“Yes,” Stolas replied.
They made their way toward the couch. Stolas unbuttoned the rest of Blitzø’s shirt. He flung his shirt over his head. They were tangled together, twisted, intertwined. Their love connected them.
“I love you,” Stolas said, as Blitzø planted kisses across his body. It was a perfect storm. A release of everything held inside, like a tidal wave. Blitzø looked at Stolas as if he were the solution to all his woes. A secret finally revealed. Ancient runes deciphered after waiting idly for centuries. A puzzle solved. He wondered how he could have ever fallen in love. Stolas was the answer.