Work Text:
Ever since she woke up, Byleth missed everything. In the literal sense, of course. But mostly metaphorically. How could she not? The time she spent with her Blue Lions felt like ages ago and yet had gone by in the blink of an eye. Her frantic schedule could only keep those nostalgic memories away for so long.
Aside from the events she had slept through during the past five years, she yearned for the comparatively simpler times of the Academy. From beginning to grow as a person and making friends for the first time to the smaller things like hosting tea parties and getting to grow her own flowers.
Most of all, she missed Dimitri. Her precious, most dear friend. The one who made her unbeating heart feel alive.
Whenever he wasn’t being difficult to everyone, he was by himself in the ruins of the main chapel, muttering his wishes to tear the Emperor’s head from her shoulders and avenge the dead. And that was when he wasn’t going on a rampage on the battlefield. Just as time had not been kind to him, their monarch was not kind to anyone else. Even the poor Gatekeeper had born the sting of his harsh words in his lower moods.
And as it soon became obvious, it wasn’t just his mental state that suffered the blow.
It was, admittedly, a suspicion she has had for quite some time. Actually, since they all reunited, really. It wasn’t something that bothered her constantly but that was probably because Byleth had been more or less used to it at times. Perhaps it was the years of mercenary work that numbed her to it but even then she could tell it was beginning to be a problem. A letter in the questions box confirmed it for her today with familiar handwritting and not even bothering to hide behind annonimity:
The boar reeks. I can smell the gore on his cape from miles away. Do something about it.
- Felix.
For however long it’s been since item or person in question had been washed, could the smell of gore become so permeated that even those outside could detect it?
Ok, Felix kind of had a point there. But she wasn’t sure why he thought she could convince him. It wasn’t like they could just ask Dimitri to take a bath.
…Well, she could try. Might as well in any case, but Byleth doubted she would get any results. At least none that wouldn’t end with the prince snarling at her and telling her to go away.
But despite everything, there was still Dimitri deep down. She could see it at times, like when he pushed her away from the Imperial General’s attack or just the other week when he threatened to cut down anyone who stood in his way, only to look away like a scolded child after giving him the look.
If only she could get the essence that was Dimitri to come out of the hate filled cocoon he wrapped himself in. There was no doubt in her mind that it was possible, she just didn’t know how to do so. But perhaps in the meantime, she could at least convince him to come out for a bath.
It wasn’t long before she crossed the admittedly short distance between the request box and the man in question. It’s a good thing Byleth wasn’t one to read letters out loud or it might have made her attempt to breach the topic a lot more difficult.
She took a breath and prepared herself.
“Di-“
“Go away.”
Huh, one syllable in. That was a new record. It was honestly kind of impressive as well as frustrating.
But she wasn’t about to give up when she literally just got here. So she tried again.
“Can I talk now?”
“No.”
“I just thought you should know,” Byleth continued, undeterred by his terse demeanor. “Your cloak is all dirty.”
A beat. Dimitri barely turned his head towards her, raising a single golden eyebrow. “And?”
“Have you ever thought about cleaning it?”
“Why? It would be a waste of my time.”
That gave Byleth pause. It was the answer she had been more or less been expecting. But she still got his attention. Now she just had to think of a way to convince him.
“You could smell a bit cleaner.” Was what she ultimately decided upon.
“Unless it gets us closer to Enbarr and severs the emperor's head from her shoulders, I don’t care. Now get out.” He turned to face the rubble again, now fully set on tuning her out.
Hmm…Seems she would have to improvise.
But what else could she do, exactly? It wasn’t like she could say “Hey, you aren’t going to kill Edelgard until you take a bath.” She wasn’t his mother. That and she didn’t think he would take it all that well.
She would try to bribe him with food if she could but he wasn’t Raphael. Or Ingrid. Or herself, for that matter. No amount of cheesy verona stew would get him to comply. Byleth already learned her lesson back when she tried to get him to apologize to the Gatekeeper for scaring him by offering him some sweet buns and a generous amount of cheese. Twice. The first time he left the food to rot. The second time he ate the cheese but refused to apologize to the poor man. She highly doubted the prospect of food would get him to comply to a bath if it couldn’t convince him to say sorry.
So she spent the next few days subtly (and not so subtly) insinuating he needed a bath. The results were like talking to a brick wall. A very grumpy, very rugged, very smelly wall.
She had even attempted to let Mother Nature handle it. During one of their latest missions, it had begun to rain. Seizing the opportunity, Byleth had sent Dimitri in the hopes the rain would wash all the gunk out. Instead, the rain had turned the ground into a slushy mess and clung to the man as he repeatedly stabbed an enemy soldier.
Great. Now he was bloody AND muddy. Not the best combination.
So now what?
She could only assume he went somewhere whenever nature called, so to speak. But whatever cleaning he did clearly did not extend to the rest of him. Or more aptly, it did not extend to his clothes. No matter how thoroughly he might wash himself in certain areas, it would be a moot point if he didn’t take care of his body in its entirety. And it was clear he had no interest in spending more than a minute out of his armor.
How utterly frustrating.
So here she was: In a complete stump as she desperately tried to come up with a way that could get Dimitri to take a bath. The humid weather not helping her current mood.
Should she keep asking? Byleth was relunctant to keep doing so, not only was that already an over and done part of her first plan but Dimitri had made it clear that he wouldn’t listen to her. It brought a certain level of annoyance to what was otherwise a very painful feeling.
As Byleth leaned against the wall of the stables, one of the stray dogs within the monastary approached her, tail wagging and eagerly awaiting his daily treat before scampering off after recieving a rub behind the ears. And a belly rub for being especially precious. While she was fond of all the stray animals in Garreg Mach, this particular Blaiddyd Rex was among her favorites. Though it was always a challenge to try and clean him whenever he got dirty, but Byleth had her ways. Kind of like that one time one of the stray cats had fallen into a mud pile and she had to step in to do the cleaning herself when it was clear the little feline could not do it alone.
…
Wait.
Of course! It was all so clear to her. How did it not cross her mind before? She would have to give the pup extra treats and belly rubs for helping her come up with the perfect idea. Same for the Ordelian cat that only furthered aided her in formulating her new course of action.
There was only one choice left. Desparate times called for desparate meassures.
Byleth really hoped it wouldn’t come to this. She really did. However, she was also practical and knew it was best to be prepared in case things went south. Having practiced her reflexes extensively for a week, she felt fairly confident that she could handle the worst case scenario. Or Plan B, as she called it.
Just in case, she began to set her plan into motion. She would have Dimitri grow used to anything that strayed from her usual visits to him. The first time she took that step was after bringing him food, swiping a finger along the edge of one of the pews. She had even sneezed one time – though that one wasn’t part of her planning. The room WAS awfully dusty.
But it did its job well enough, she supposed. After all, the room was still used for choir practice every now and then. Under the pretense of cleaning for the sake of Faith lessons, the blueprint for her practically foolproof Plan B would be set.
And she had a feeling today would be the day she would put Plan B into action.
As casually as she could possibly manage, Byleth brought two buckets filled with bathing water to her destination. To avoid rousing suspiscion, she brought a spare rag with her, pretending to clean the chairs with it. She took a chance and glanced at the other person in the room, gauging his reaction.
Thankfully, it appeared to be one of those days where the voices Dimitri would hear were not at their loudest – tormenting him with everything they possibly could. Byleth could not claim she knew how that felt as Sothis was always friendly to her, if not rather sassy at times. But she could not fathom his loved ones, especially his own father, saying such cruel words to him if they were half as kind as Dimitri had once described them.
In any case, it was time to put her plan into action. She approached him, taking her spot by his right side as she often did in battle. It spoke volumes that he held a molecum of trust in her if he allowed her to stand by his blind side. Or maybe he was simply used to her pressence. “Good afternoon.”
She recieved a grunt in response.
Good. That means he was in a somewhat receptive mood.
“So…” She began, trying to imitate the normal and inquisitive tone most people used as a conversation starter. “We still have a few more days before we set out. In case there’s anything you feel like doing in the meantime. Everyone has been taking the opportunity to relax, seeing how we might not get a chance for a while.”
There was no response to that beyond his oh so eloquent greeting.
“The weather has been quite warm lately.” She continued as though the man in front of her had the slightest interest in the weather of all things. “A lot of our soldiers have been talking about how they can’t wait until winter arrives.” Still no response but she noticed the way his head turned towards her ever so slightly. Time for the kill. “So they’ve been taking full advantage of the sauna.”
There. Hook and line cast. Surely he would catch onto the obvious bait.
His blue eye narrowed. “The sauna. In this weather.”
Drats, she didn’t think that one through.
“In hindsight it does sound strange.” Byleth recovered her blunder. “But I’m pretty sure they also function as a regular bathhouse. So it still counts.”
Perhaps she should have thought of other benefits that would really sell the bathhouse idea to Dimitri, but Byleth could only think of so many that wouldn’t completely scare him or tip him off to Plan B.
The man in front of her scoffed. “This is pointless. Instead of continuing to waste my time with such nonsense, we should be heading to Enbarr.”
“…So you don’t want to try out the bath?”
He levelled a glare at her. “No.”
“Are you sure?” Byleth asked, giving him one last chance to comply as she shuffled to his right side, the toe of her boot tapping one of the buckets. “If not the bathhouse then maybe the nearest lake. If you prefer solitude then I could still check if you’d like. There are times when it’s empty.”
“Leave me.” Dimitri grumbled and turned away, sealing his fate.
Sorry, Dimitri. You’ve left me no choice.
Acting on a speed that could rival Petra and Felix combined, Byleth grabbed the bucket full of water and threw it onto the unsuspecting prince, leaving him with no time to react.
Dimitri spluttered as his now wet bangs covered his remaining eye. “Wh-what are you –!?” He reached out for his would be assilant as the smell of lavander, lillies, and chamomile filled his nostrils. She took the opportunity to jump at him. Hands began to scrub at his hair at breakneck speed before he was doused a second time. “Enough! Stop it!”
Byleth didn’t stop. Instead, she made sure to reach behind his ears, rubbing the foamy soap onto them with her fingertips. Ignoring the choked noise he made, she grabbed the cloak and scrubbed the fabric as best as she could. Noticing his arm reaching behind him to try and grab her, she grabbed it and somehow managed to loosen the straps on his gauntlet just enough for the next water douse to reach it. With all hope, it would take care of most of the dirt embedded in his fingernails. Maybe.
“Are you deaf!? Cease this imm – PTAH!” His words were halted by him spitting out the water that had gotten into his mouth on his third dousing, courtesy of bucket #2. An accident on her part but she would count that as bonus dental hygiene. His teeth always looked so strong and healthy, she couldn’t let them rot away due to carelesness.
It took a bit of digging but Byleth was able to add the scent of chamomile into the soap that was typically used within the monastary. She remembered Dimitri mentioning how much he enjoyed the smell whenever she invited him to tea. Hopefully the scent would bring him some comfort, even now. And be strong enough to at least last through the day.
Whatever protests he still had were muffled by soap suds and warm water as she continuously scrubbed away at him, determined to get the grime and muck off of his clothes. She made sure to leave his hair sparkling and grease free, same as his armor. Everything was going according to plan, she was practically almost done. A part of her felt that maybe she should have considered this option sooner. The rest of her lamented the fact it had to come to this. But it was for the greater good, she thought solemnly.
Finally, Dimitri bellowed. “I said STOP!” She obliged – in part because she had already finished dunking the remaining water on him but also because she felt bad. She got off of him, narrowly avoiding the wet floor as the tall blonde wasted no time in standing and turned to face her.
“What is the meaning of this!?” Dimitri demanded, though the threatening look he was going for was dampened by the way his cloak and hair clung to him like a wet cat.
“You stink. And this,” Byleth pointed at the now empty bucket. “Was a last resort.”
Surely he could understand why this had become an option after being so stubborn. Or as Constance once put it, Obstinate to the point of foolishness!
“Not that! Why did you attack me?”
“I believe I just answered your question.” He wouldn’t take a bath of his own volition. Or at least wash his clothes.
“By throwing a bucket of water at me?” The disbelieving tone in his voice might have been amusing under different circumstances.
Byleth gave him a flat look. “Are you honestly telling me you would let me take off your armor?”
Dimitri flushed, feeling equal parts angered and mortified. “Of course not!” His past self would have begged to differ but that was beside the point.
(He desperately tried to rid hinself of the mental image regardless.)
"Exactly. It was becoming a problem for everyone, yourself included." Bringing her hand underneath her chin, Byleth continued as she closed her eyes in thought, “Even if it wasn’t the most ideal way to go about it, this was the only way. You might not care about your apperance or health but the rest of us do.” She looked back at him. “So I want you to take care of yourself, even if only a little.”
The mortified look had yet to go away. If Byleth didn’t know any better, she would even go so far as to say he looked flustered. But that was wishful thinking on her part. Maybe it was because she managed to sneak up on him. That was probably it.
He always embodied the traits of a lion: Brave, strong, regal, and protective. Even his anger at the face of injustice could be counted among them. Lions take care of themselves too, she thought idly.
Still, with how utterly soaked to the bone he was, he didn’t look the part of a regal lion so much as a one that fell headfirst into a lake. Bizarrely, it made him look a bit more approacheable in Byleth’s eyes, the feeling not unlike the one she got when one of the more stubborn tomcats finally warmed up to her. How strange.
Dimitri let the silence stretch on for a few seconds, seemingly processing her words or whatever he wished to use as a retort, before finally breaking it.
“Don’t do that again. I could have killed you.” He growled, shaking his hair like a dog and sending water droplets flying everywhere – mainly on her.
“You should probably take the towel.” Byleth said when a drop of water landed on her eye. “It will dry you a lot faster than whatever it is you’re doing.”
Dimitri looked like he wanted to argue before grumbling and taking the towel from her hands, drying his face and his hair. Rivulets were falling down parts of his armor before settling into the crevices. His cloak looked even heavier than usual, soaked as it was.
In hindsight, trying to bathe him while he was still fully clothed wasn’t the best idea she’s ever had. Too late for that now though.
He wrung the water from the material, nose buried into the black and white fur lining the top. It didn’t seem like he planned on removing it from his being anytime soon. Byleth hoped he wasn’t planning on air drying it with himself attached. That would completely defeat the purpose.
“If you’d like, I can take your cloak to dry it. Or you can leave it here and I can keep an eye over it.” She shrugged at his incredulous look. “That way, it will smell better.”
Also because she was starting to feel guilty for tricking him and subjecting him to a bath time sneak attack. Not to mention subjecting him to the discomfort of wearing wet garments. She had every intention of helping him dry his clothes but wouldn’t blame him if he refused.
He glared at her before inspecting his cloak, probably looking for any potential tears on the blue fabric. Once he made sure there was no damage, he spoke, “Very well. It is the least you can do after such a dishonorable tactic.” His deep voice was one of resigned annoyance but surprisingly calm all things considered. “But know that I will be keeping my eye on you in the meantime.”
“Of course. For what its worth, I am sorry for scaring you.” She made sure to emphasize her genuine remorse at that. The last thing she wanted was to break what little trust he might have had in her.
“I was NOT scared!” He seethed, the rosiness of his freshly scrubbed cheeks becoming more prominent. “Only foolish enough to be caught off guard. Be grateful, had it been anyone else I would have broken their bones.”
Was that an unintentional compliment? Perhaps not. Either way, she chose to spare him the embarrasment of saying anything else. Taking a firm hold of the heavy blue cloak – far heavier than she thought it would be – Byleth nodded at him. “I promise to protect it with my life. If you still don’t trust me then you can watch over me while I dry it out.”
He relaxed somewhat upon hearing her words, prompting Byleth to add her conditions.
“But you have to promise to start taking baths.”
He crossed his arms. “And if I don’t?”
“I have my ways.” She said ominously. He followed her gaze, glaring at the empty buckets like they offended his honor. “Don’t think you’ll be able to hide from me.” She added when he directed his glare towards her, as though daring her to try it a second time. They both knew just how tenacious she could be.
Dimitri scoffed and looked away. Rather than further vitriol, he remained silent for a moment. Eventually, he grunted.
“…Fine. I’ll comply.”
A smile formed on her face, missing the way Dimitri’s eyes widened when he happened to glance at it.
It was a step in the right direction.
Some time later...
It was incredibly annoying having to wait. Especially for the only person who made a decent sparring partner. Felix refrained from pacing the training grounds and instead focused his impatience at the unfortunate training dummy before him. Finally, the person he was waiting for arrived.
“You’re late.” Was all Felix said, annoyance evident in his voice. “You promised to spar with me half an hour ago.”
“I’m sorry about that, Felix.” Byleth said. “I had an earlier engagement.” She glanced behind her, as though the swordsman hadn’t already noticed the hulking, delusional prince by the shadows. Felix hated to admit it, but he was honestly impressed the professor managed to get him to come out of his usual spot.
“It’s about time the boar left the chapel for more than 5 minutes.” He gave an eye roll before pausing, narrowing his eyes suspiciously at the two.
“It smells clean for once.” The tension in his shoulders eased somewhat. “It doesn’t smell like something died at least.” His words brought a look of pride to the former mercenary and an embarrased scowl from their king to be.
He shook his head. “Whatever, that’s at least one problem that’s been taken care of. Though knowing the boar, I doubt it'll last."
“Oh right.” Turning to her blonde companion, Byleth’s next words were far from expected. “Dimitri, remember what we talked about.” There was no need for further elaboration, it seemed.
To Felix’s astonishment, the boar didn’t put up a fight and just agreed to whatever she just insinuated. “You do not have to remind me. I’ll agree to it so long as you don’t pull that again.”
Smiling a little wider, the professor nodded at him. “You have my word.”
With the faintest hint of red visible on his face, Dimitri quickly left the two without another word – most likely heading back to the chapel as usual. He eyed the empty bucket and rag near the door warily before making himself scarce.
Felix gave her a flat look. “Do I even want to know?”
Byleth merely gave him a thumbs up.