Work Text:
What does the moth remember ,
Of caterpillar bliss? /
Forty Eight Hours,
Fifty nine minutes,
Eight seconds,
Three Nanoseconds.
Before they knew the wind, The grass, the sun was all superficial: they’d believed everything was real. The nature. It felt real to them just like the passing moment. Except Everything in the garden had been superficial. Atleast the courtyards had been. Those gadgets: machines, the ones monitoring them were very real. They hurt the body.
That was the reality of it, being that nature as a whole no longer existed on the planets humans and aliens “shared”. Not that the pets would know that, what the planet used to look like before the great anakt had showed its face. This garden was just a base on what the children needed to survive, to keep their mind in good conditions. And their hearts…this was what life used to be before the great anakt.
Luka nibbled on his sleeve, his stomach rumbled. He’s hungry—the malnourished boy sat under the shade thinking..his dietary restrictions hasn’t carried over to anakt: he should be thankful. But he barely eats due to his tendency to have people walk all over him.
He can’t seem to get a grip on it, he can’t control the people around him, it made him mad? He’s not sure, but he keeps getting cut in line. That’d mean there woukd be so little food left for such a kid with a big appetite. It was penalty for his reserved nature and decisions to not say much to the repeating offenders who’d spotted his weakness and gnawed on it. And it sure wasn’t benevolence he’d been giving them: nor leniency. He closed his eyes, but not before catching a glimpse of two figures, brown headed: dark skinned.
The passing winds brought her back to him: even without the winds she’d navigate back to her owner. It was in her right sense. (It was in everyone’s right sense, even he did it with heperu. It was natural was it not?) he finally opened his eyes: her long flowing hair and smile greeted him, she took her rightful place sitting down in the soft grass below the lengthy tree: out of breath, flopping onto Luka’s lap as if some kind of pillow. Having looked up at his pristine features her smile grew wider.
Luka’s brain took its opportunity to replace the feeling of hunger with his devotion as his sleeve rolled back and his pale hand was placed upon her forehead: in the mean time it was now rested as he stared into her eyes, energy still remained in her system: she must’ve had a good meal. He surveyed her face, her lips moving but he couldn’t hear much. He was lucky enough to tune back in when she finally stopped talking about whatever it was, and asked about him. To which the inquisition was the same as before from when they’d always met up here after she finished catering to hyunwoo.
“ did y’eat anything today, Luka?”
The way she spoke his name: it brought tingles to his chest. Though he knew how to maintain his heart rate: It felt almost impossible when he’d dawned upon her and all her glory. Sometimes the feeling of love was so apparent to him, that it’d been disgustingly raw. It was almost like she truly belonged to him: like she was the world and he ruled it. She was his to rule. He’d expressed these thoughts with her before. She thought it was cute. Hyuna thought he’d been joking…so he discarded it. It would come to light one of those days, though.
His eyes track to the side of the grass instead of her own eyes, in which his hand position changes: running it through her silk hair, brown: soft. She gives a sweet scent he couldn’t find where it even came from: it it was his rose tinted glasses or if it was some sensory hallucination of sorts (he wouldn’t find out.) how such a scent came from her when they were held together in a place so mundane: metallic. Bright in all the wrong ways. The smell of grief. Luka was all too familiar with that.
As for Hyuna’s question? He’d thought about lying to her: about eating. She’d be proud of him.
“No, I wasn’t that hungry.” He replied : his voice dead panning as he ran fingers through her hair.
Then he’d caress her cheek to which her eyebrows furrowed: he knew what that meant. This was the third theme he’d used this excuse on Hyuna. She was lenient (unlike him) but not stupid. Hyuna sat up whipping her head around to face him correctly: his face had been gripped, gently. Lovingly, maybe? He hopes so. Hyuna looked sternly at Luka, an opposition to her previous face filled with grace and smiles. Almost like a mad puppy. This face would only greet Luka briefly, Hyuna started her small scolding.
“Luka! You can’t keep doin’ this, you knuckle head!”
Luka scanned her facial expression, she looked sad. Did he make her sad? He squints his eyes, wanting to understand. Hyuna followed up on his words.
“You’ve gotta live for yourself, you know?”
Luka looked away as if he’d considered her words: they both knew he couldn’t live for himself, nevertheless enjoy himself. The humans were at the bottom of the chain. THEY were at the bottom of the chain. And with Luka’s stationary: it was better to be complacent, than to disobey and rebel. When they weren’t looking: you could dance around. Only for a short amount of time.
Pets? They were born to die. he’d been told he’s lucky he was alive. And he agreed. Otherwise: How would he see her face? The difference between Hyuna and him: he wanted control, he had none, she had all of it. He wanted her life: he wanted her. Entirely. When he looked at her, he could see a future. A reason to live. A reason to feel alive, to act HUMAN. He wanted to appease her, not like he did with the aliens. He finally meets her eyes, her smile. His everything.
“I will next time.” He puts his head down, she pulls it up.
“Promise?” She said lightly: a smile growing ear to ear.
“…yeah.” He remarked, quietly, not very confident in keeping her promise. He’d try.
She squished his cheeks, he closed his eyes, the wind blows again: against the cold her hands feel warm. Against his skin she gives it life.
[ ▰ ]
Sometimes, If not more than often: he lies in bed and he thinks about her. The mistake he made for underestimating her reciprocal love for him.
Five months.
Other times he felt as if he hadn’t killed him, would she keep choosing him: Luka. over hyunwoo? How should he have kept going if his future: his pride, his possession had been gone, his favorite toy. The first to be truly his, something he had control over. The first to see it through his lens, his perspective. The ONLY one to understand how he felt about alien stage on a deeper level. He thought he’d lost her long ago: and now- a year too late: he’d seen her again. He thought she was dead: maybe she was a hallucination or maybe he took one too many medical doses. But no. She was Alive and well. His heart felt a longing- the pang emotionally took a toll on him. So did the withdrawal of her presence.
Luka shifted his body, facing upward on his mattress, the dark grey celling and the melachonic feeling always stayed: didn’t matter if he was alone or not. It was perpetual: unchanging. A memory came to mind when he saw gray. There was a time where the great anakt had bestowed rain upon them as kids, not many kids reacted well to the change. They couldn’t adapt: not like her. She had made up a game for him and hyunwoo to enjoy. Luka didn’t enjoy it, he only played because Hyuna made it up. It was silly, but he liked the idea of being involved in his subjects ideas. Just to please her. He liked when she was happy.
When he saw her face: just barely, her jaw was more chiseled. Hair a bit longer and those split ends were more noticeable than before. The thought just mainly about her made him queasy. In a good way. He was heating up: the incessant thumping came from his heart: not his head. The migraine hadn’t taken its time to rest but his heart was stronger than his mind right about now. It’d always wither away when she was with him, or in his thoughts. In spirit— or in thought.
The girl she’d been—and the woman she was now. Thinking about her, felt himself giggle like a little girl.
He wanted to be the object of her devotion again. except it was the opposite. And he wasn’t sure if was okay with that. Or should he even be thinking about that? Anything for the spark they had: sure, he didn’t understand how good he had it: but imagine what it’d be like present day. He wanted the future now.. Luka turned again across his bed had been a placid grey chair. (What else was expected?) and his night dresser which held one lamp and his Rubik Cube. The thoughts he had combatted his sleep,
If she was here today, he’d shower her in praise: hold her in his arms. A shame. He knows exactly how to keep the both of them safe,it’d only take a bit of sacrifice and less work. Maybe if he behaved well enough: she’d show up again. And by well enough: maybe if he pulled a bigger stunt…she’d take him away. (That was a bit too far fetched as a thought.) he looked at the camera at the side of the room, in the corner. If he got up to get his cube and sit to think: it wouldn’t matter, heperu wouldn’t mind. Maybe he’d been too busy making his pets cry. (This late at night? No. Luka would’ve heard the cries.)
The dizzy spell hit Luka as soon as he tried to sit up, flopping back down on his bed he’d felt the thumping of the migraine make its return: he’d remember something about anakt garden, with hazed vision and heavy eyes, no matter what his thoughts were—it always her that was on his mind.
[ ▰ ]
Twenty Four Hours,
Forty Two minutes,
Three seconds,
Five Nanoseconds.
Before anything, Luka tried to kiss Hyuna. His shallow, twisted, and selfish way of loving had been projected onto her. Atleast what he picked up from his environment. he’d kissed her on the cheek that night, the lips were too tangible, too easy. Predictable: for the taking. His to take—tempting him, appetizing. or maybe because of her he was lenient, what he didn’t think about was the outcome: or what she’d think of him after. He didn’t care, as long as she stayed by his side. (The ultimate goal.) he didn’t get what the big deal was anyway. He’d sucked on her forehead plenty of times. She allowed it. Why was this different?
She’d talked to him about it because of the affection.
The two sat under the stars, she asked him one question, out of the many he’d preferred back then. Hyuna asked:
“ why? ” she stated. Her face in a state of shock: as was her mind.
And out of all the many answers she’s preferred: even up until now. Luka answered,
“I told you: i wanted one thing, didn’t I?”
He could see it in her face: she didn’t find it cute anymore, for the first time— under those falling stars, his eyes crinkled. A smile dawned upon Luka’s face.
He could only imagine why her face drew disgust, maybe because she expected an “I love you” from Luka. Or maybe it’s cause she realized her angel didn’t descend from above: rather he crawled up from below.
But he’ll never know.
[ ▰ ]
A year and six months.
After the fog cleared, she’d been gone. Atleast that was their first encounter in a year. Now? He was fave to gave with the object of his infatuation for a multitude of months. Months of dreaming of seeing her again, daydreaming. And now? He was here. He didn’t know how to react, they made eye contact: directly, she couldn’t turn away. Neither could he, when they first reunited: he had hoped she would pick him up from this hell hole- shower him in her worries: confide in him. Devote her attention to him once more
She didn’t,
She left him in the dark. Again.
He couldn’t be angry at her for long: who could? She was in the same predicament as him: a different switch. But again: she landed herself in it, he didn’t want to be ignored by her. He was disregarded: as if he was the past and she had better things to do. He would have taken Hyuna for a stranger if she didn’t have the sweet scent she always maintained: as if a doll that came with its own free will: its scent. He’d always recognize it. It flooded his senses and brought him out the daze that day. He wanted to call her name:
But nothing came out.
[ ▰ ]
A year and three months.
He’d remember sometimes heperu would scold him: and Luka did nothing but offer him the obedience he desired. He always made sure to be gracious and fluid with his movement: because one wrong move could set his father off, a ticking time bomb: he was. When that bomb exploded: the consequences were immense, sometimes Luka wouldn’t have did anything wrong. He’d only had to be there for the abuse to happen.
It was never physical: but Luka craved validation. The idea of owning someone, the idea of having something to commit to, he was fascinated with it. When he met her: he’d talk only once or twice with her brother around, instead when he’d talk to her…he’d talk to her about the heart. Heart beats, important. (To him, Atleast.) he remembers the day the two sat under the heated sun: the grass still: he poked her chest. Where her heart was, and he told her:
“I only want one thing, your life.”
She laughed in his face: the laugh she gave was one purely to remember, it resonated and it made his eyes widen from the melodious sound. His heart was beating faster than it was supposed to. He’d assume 59 bpm. He wasn’t supposed to be having that type of heart rate. His collar beeped as he retracted his hand, his pale face painted red. He looked away. Thinking about that, some days he reflected on how Hyuna felt like his owner instead: it was almost ironic.
He’d lost his purpose. Almost like she was putting him in line. Again: the semblance of control is gone, he flips the cube: mixing it. He clicked his tongue, This had been his karma. His fingers would twitch:
His heart hurt, mentally and physically. Could he not catch a break? He felt a tear run down his eye as his vision blurred.
He was hoping his light would come back, he cried just as Hyuna cried silently for her brother.
[ ▰ ]
Fifty Days,
Three Minutes,
Zero seconds,
Zero Nanoseconds.
Before man had proclaimed its own independence dead, before it called itself pets—the great anakt watched them from above; waiting for them to break their free spirits and resolve. Making them see who their true ruler was. The great anakt sent the aliens until there were about seven hundred of human kind left on the planet. They’d made it their land to rule, saying they spared humans. Luka paused in his reading ad he felt her hanging over his shoulder
" That’s stupid. "
Hyuna remarked, she was looking over Luka’s shoulder: reading his class textbook with him. He turned, nonchalantly blinking as he watched her expression: the tilting of her head. The way the weight moved from one side to another. The sweet scent. It’d been only three days since he’d met hyunwoo and his sister, Hyuna. They were in the same religion class. Hyuna wouldn’t have been able to tell, but Luka believed the ideology of being ruled under one hand: absolute power..being a figure worshipped: a god, having the control..he found it to be okay. This had a question lingering in his head, so he asked.
“ have you ever thought about being a Lord? Someone like the great anakt? ”
He said this, flipping through the pages of the textbook. He’d been studying for a recent exam on the religion topics. He was aiming for the top mark (as always, nothing short of him.) sitting under the shade to cover the pale boy from the sun. His gaze attracting back to the pages. He shifted his focus up ahead and the blue pristine sky was there. Nothing new. Hyuna sat down next to him instead of bending down, she took her time to think about the answer. Then she gave one to Luka.
“ No. But If I was, I’d like to give the people that were under me a taste of freedom. ”
She crossed her legs laying her head on Luka’s bed of hair: she continued on with her point.
“ what good is a god if you’re left with no choices for yourself? ”
Luka took time to think about it. Thinking about what it really was to be ‘free’, being restricted all his life had warped his views of what it was to just be free he didn’t say anything more, thoigh he questioned where a girl like Hyuna had gotten such a view of the world, so? He asked.
“Does your owner not control you?”
“Nah. She doesn’t care.”
He froze: Guess that was why.
She was a free spirit: he wanted to see if he could cage her.
Maybe do what the aliens did.
[ ▰ ]
Before anything, she’d always ask:
“What does love feel like to you?”
And to which he’d respond.
“Devoting your life to your love.” He paused himself asking:
“What about you?”
She’d respond to him with something cryptic that didn’t match her airy or flowing personality at all: but it fit with her ideology and the way she treated everyone else around her, the free wisp in his cage, so tiny enough she could fly away. His love answered
“To love someone is to love yourself, and be free.”
He hummed in acknowledgment as if he tried to understand: he couldn’t understand. He held her hands and intertwined his hands into her: the angel who fell from heaven onto this planet: into hell..
And the mortal who believed that she was there to protect the angel from the impurities of this hell, while also protecting herself.
Now? He layed down in the grass, scattered, a smile covered in blood.
Zero Hours,
Zero Minutes,
Zero seconds,
Zero Nanoseconds.
Hyunwoo did it to himself, that’s what he’d told the guards. Luka knew what he did though. He’s lucky his frail appearance and chronic fatigue and illness caused him a reason to defend himself. But of course the parallels would draw to him,
He was most involved in her brothers death.
Those days where he took his time to wait for her under the shade of the tree so she could come to him after her brother fell asleep, where she’d always retreat: those days she’d defended him over her brother. So why did it matter now that he was gone?
Hyuna stood in horror, Luka smiled.
Finally: he was the first to be acknowledged among the two.
That is what love felt like to him.
Devotion,
Acknowledgement.
Control ,
Power.
Jokes on him, the tiny little wisp escaped his cage that day.
[ ▰ ]
Day one.
After he met her face to face this time: the audience went quiet. He went quiet. She was facing her past, he was facing his future, she felt sick. And he felt the adrenaline rush of the round leave his body: leaving him vulnerable. She snapped out the daze she was in and called for the girl near them, he couldn’t be bothered to remember her name. Not right now, Atleast. He knows he went against her.
All he knew was he gripped onto Hyuna’s wrist like never before. The movement wasn’t even voluntary: he didn’t command himself to do it, his infatuation kickstarted his heart, it was almost as if he was saying:
‘Don’t leave me, not again’. His whole face said it, he didn’t need to say it out loud.
However her determination to leave the past behind matched his to make her stay by his side. It almost looked foreign how desperate Luka was to have somebody like her. The friction of his hold hands gripping on her wrists, her struggling to move..this was an immovable object and an unstoppable force all together. When she finally moved: she couldn’t shake him off..so she just took him with her: though this was going to cause problems: he wanted to be with her no matter what the case was. Even if it meant destroying the pleasing image he had. It was selfish,
Self destructing,
But it felt like she was the piece he was missing. Through all the thinking he realized she was not just an object of his devotion: but a need. A desire so deep he could not control her,
He needed the light within the cage,
He needed her by his side.