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This wasn't a secret to anyone.
Not since the team got together, not before they found their true potential, not before or after Zane’s sacrifice…
Not after they found him alive on Chen’s island...
Not even after Cole turned to this.
Ever since the curse of Yang’s temple, turning whoever had stayed the night until sunrise into a ghost, Cole’s been thinking about the team’s… adventures, so far into their time together.
After one particularly harsh argument between him and Kai on the fact that Cole couldn’t be blamed for the curse, to which the black ninja of course disagreed, he had come to a conclusion, after repeating the conversation in his head in the middle of the night when his brain wouldn't let him rest.
No matter what, there were going to be people dying or, well, in his case, skipping from living to ghosts. And it always seemed like the fates had their own ideas on who it would be. And so far it's been only two of their team who’s had to go through such a fate…
Either him.. or Zane.
This realization was strange to him. How could the two be bound to such a path, while their teammates were not as unfortunate? Not that he wished their friends ill fate, of course not! If he could know their future and if he found something truly horrible written in the stars for them, he'd do anything to make sure it happens to him instead. But it just felt.. weird, having the clarity that one of them could die at any moment at any battle. And it seemed like the universe preferred it to be either him or the master of ice.
That’s what got him here. Standing on the rooftop of Borg Industries, having the need to be away from the Bounty while he figured out his thoughts. He’s done this a few times throughout the last few weeks, whenever he was on patrol around the city. It relaxed him to finish his usual route and then stand here, letting the wind gush around, or more so past him, as his form cast a soft green hue on the concrete below his feet, the city of Ninjago lighting up the night...
It was relaxing. Having time to himself. The city was asleep while he didn't need to, his mind was clear and the air brought him comfort. Plus he was further away from the water. He never felt comfortable around it anymore. He probably never would.
Was this his life now? Spending countless hours alone on top of one of the city’s largest buildings, thinking about his life and how he’s tied to a destiny he didn’t wish for? Stressing that every moment something bad can happen and get him killed? Get any one of them at death's front door?
Get Zane killed?
That thought was more depressing than the rest.
The image of Zane’s sacrifice still burned in his brain, bright as the sun. After it came hope, the team found the poster and invitations to Chen's tournament. And then, at last, came the relief, from when he found their beloved friend, although with a new look, below Chen’s island in one of the prison cells. Sure he was different, not as… hidden as before, but he didn’t mind... He found him beautiful nonetheless.
And here came the breaking point.
The conclusion to which Cole found himself getting to whenever his mind dwelled on those thoughts for way too long. The one thought to which he’d always circle around, trying to figure out a different approach to it. But there never was one. There could never be a different approach.
He couldn’t deny his feelings even if he wanted to.
And he didn't.
It was strange to realize you’ve been in love with one of your best friends and teammates ever since you met, having called him brother even though you knew and felt like this word was not right for him specifically, all this time. Didn’t suit him in your heart. But having no other choice than to call him as such. There’s never been any conversation about sexualities or anything related to it on the team, and back where he came from it was a taboo topic. He learned to keep to himself and not let other people get any hints to who he may be other than the cheery guy who saved the day and always got chocolate cake on his mind. No one should learn or see what he actually thought and felt. Instead of chocolate, he thought of the winter. Instead of battle strategies for the team, his mind would have baby blues engraved in itself.
He felt as if Zane was always with him, no matter if he was in the room or gone to the other side of the globe. The chill gush of wind that ruffles your hair? Zane. The smell of freshly baked goods or cleaning products? Zane again. The soft shine of silver metal, be it jewelry or a weapon's blade? Him. The stars which hung upon Cole this very moment? Him again.
The thought of sharing those feelings was what scared him. It was not that he thought Zane would never talk to him again, no, he was too good to do that... It was the fear of his conclusion. That no matter what, one of them will probably die. How many times until Zane cannot be brought back? Or when will Cole’s luck run thin and he won't recover? The idea of confessing only to be forced away from his lover brought shivers down his spine and dread to settle in his gut. That’s how all Greek tragedies start, isn’t it? Just as you think you got your happy ending, the gods rip you away from each other. You can’t prevent it.
A sigh left his ghostly lips as Cole let go of his knees, letting his feet dangle off the edge of the rooftop as he laid on his back, staring at the sky above, the stars twinkling in and out of focus just like his own thoughts.
It was bad enough that he was a ghost and Zane - a nindorid. One could barely become solid while the other was covered in pure titanium. Lifting his hands to the sky, Cole stared at the stars through them, the ghostly tunic of his gi barely holding onto his wrist anymore. Just because he was dead didn’t mean he couldn’t eat. But he just didn’t feel like it. What was the point anyway? He may never turn back.
“I thought I’d find you here,” A soft metallic voice carries through the air as Cole looked up to the side, noticing Zane walking over to him, the gentle tug of his lips making him feel both giddy and restless in his ghostly form. Letting his hands fall to his sides he sat up once more.
“Did you, now?” Cole half-joked, tone sad and tired as he looked at the boy next to him. Once Zane sat down on the edge as well, he handed him a small food box which Cole gladly took.
“You still have your location turned on.” Cole scoffed a laugh at his friend’s teasing, slightly nudging him on the shoulder as he looked down at the box in his lap and opened it, surprised to find his favorite cookies inside. Looking towards Zane he cocked a thick eyebrow with an amused smile.
“You swung by Crumbl’ for me?” Cole teased in return to which he got a mockingly surprised expression on Zane’s face who looked away and shrugged, acting innocent.
“I don't know what you're talking about.”
With a playful roll of his eyes, Cole reached into the box, concentrating enough to pick one of the cookies. He looked at it with a sad smile, knowing the taste wouldn't be the same as when he was alive but touched by the gesture nonetheless. Bringing the sweet closer, he took a bite and looked around the quiet yet bright city, the boy who kept his heart in a lock beside him.
The silence took on between them for a bit, only the wind and the cars of people getting home late or returning from the club making any noise while Cole ate his dessert and Zane looked across the horizon.
“You okay…?”
Turning his head to his left, he caught Zane’s eyes looking at him with soft concern, the blue hue shining a soft glow over his titanium paneling, making Cole’s - probably disintegrated- heart skip a beat. Thinking on the words, he left a small breath of air escape his lips, taking a glance down at his hands again, which were a see-through green color, the scars barely visible. His gut heavy and brows furrowed he parted his lips to speak before he closed them again and his shoulders slumped.
“I.. yeah I'm.. fine.. As fine as a ghost can be.” He tried to joke, the awkward laugh and slight grin not going past the boy beside Cole who kept his worry written on his face. Slowly his smile fell and lips formed a line again as he looked down at his hands, feeling the wind pass right through him. ”Have you.. um..Thought about what may.. happen to us? From now on, I mean..”
Zane stayed quiet for a few moments, considering the question his teammate proposed, while Cole watched his expression to figure out what he might be thinking. After a few beats of silence, Zane turned to look at the city, the neon lights vibrant in the distance.
“I have. But I try not to dwell on such questions about what the future may hold in store for us. It could lead to expectations we may not be able to achieve.” The breeze softly ruffled the titanium strands of the nindroid's hair as his voice carried through the wind, the raven only nodding ever so slightly after taking in his answer. “Why?”
Cole blinked, his attention back to his teammate at the question. Zane's attention was back on him, the bright lights ever so slightly reflecting on his titanium surface. It made Cole zone out for a second as he admired the boy before him before shrugging and moving his gaze back to the box with the cookies in his lap.
“I don't know, it's just..been on my mind lately.. You know after turning into a ghost and all.” Cole started, voice a bit quiet but more calm than anything. As much as he hated it, he knew they had no such power over these things. “Like..what happens now..? Do I just stay like this forever? I mean, Nya is training to be the elemental master of water, she's dear to me but I cannot help but feel bad for being afraid to be around her now.”
“Not to mention I have to use all of my focus on staying solid all the time. I can't sleep because I'm never tired enough. I can eat but I still feel this… ghost feeling of thirst in my throat after every bite and I can't do anything about it! Fucking hell, I can't cry without it feeling like acid is pouring down my face!”
Zane stood in silence as Cole expressed his distress over his situation, the earth ninja's hands gripping through the dark strands of his hair, as if to try and feel something, even the slight sting of the force with which he held the locks, but nothing came through. Just the numbness.
With a heavy sigh, his hands fell back in his lap as he stared sadly at the 5-and-a-half-eaten cookies still in the paper box before he turned to move it, only for his hand to move through it. Curling his fingers around the cupboard, a thin line formed on his forehead as he finally grasped the box and moved it beside himself.
“I don't want this to be my reality from now on, Zane. I can't enjoy most stuff I've loved since I was a kid anymore. I can't do pottery- sure I can just manipulate the clay but it's not the same… I can't do gardening, I have to ask Lloyd to water the plants in my room because I feel like I'll have a panic attack if I get near the sink, I can't drink those stupid energy drinks with Jay on our game nights, I can't shower , I don't need it now but - I just- I feel like I'm fading more and more, every single day and-”
Cole's rambling came to a stop as his eyebrows stayed furrowed, his gaze on the big drop below them. He knew it wasn't all bad, that he could go through walls and at least he always looked the same as he did when he entered the Temple, he'd look like this for eternity , he could possess stuff and on some good days, he played quite a few pranks on Kai or Jay..
But he couldn't help but miss being alive again. He missed the feeling of the wet soil under his fingertips as he helped Wu plant plants in the backyard of the Monastery like he did when he was a kid with his mother. Or enjoy pottery as he used to. It always calmed him down, especially after his mother's death. It kept his mind quiet and only focused on the clay in his hands, his foot softly pressing the pedal to keep the wheel spinning.
He missed the excitement that came with finishing a piece, especially how proud he was when he made a whole set of dishes, along with cups and a teapot for the team to use, each cup and plate he spent hours detailing and painting so they were personalized for each one of them. It had taken him 4 whole months to finish them, given the missions they had to do, or the failed attempts he had made until he figured out how to make Wu's teapot, or if one of the dishes cracked when he baked them. Or simply when he finished one of the pieces and just at the last minute hated how it turned out, so, the perfectionist he was, he started all over again.
And now that he was a ghost, nothing but an embodiment of a gush of wind, he…couldn't do this stuff. He especially hated how just as stuff between him, Jay and Nya had gone quiet, back to normal, how he was now paranoid to even be around her. As much as he loved her, like a sister, of course, she was just as short-tempered as her brother. She's more than once almost blown the pipes in the monastery when Kai had rummaged through her room for something and left it a mess.
Not to mention what happened when she unlocked her true potential.
After she had finally gotten to accept herself, summoning this giant wave to finish the preeminent.. It was impressive, really, but...
Just as she was in that state, with this giant tornado of water around her, he was surprised how he was still alive. It should’ve killed him, but instead, it felt like tiny bullets piercing through him relentlessly, each one burning with an agonizing sting. He had to fight every instinct not to react, even though the pain gnawed at him. It wasn’t as overwhelming as he’d expected, since he was a ghost, but it still haunted him—sending waves of nightmares that lasted the entire week after. Back when he still bothered to try sleeping, anyway.
“I'm sorry,” Cole's voice came out in a sigh as he pushed his hair back from his face.”I turned this into some..depressive.. vent dump.”
“Don't apologize,” Zane spoke almost as soon as Cole's words finished, catching the attention of the ghost. “Such things are important to share, Cole. You shouldn't, forgive my choice of words, bottle things of that matter like this. It's destructive.” Zane's voice was calm as he spoke, his tone gentle.
The nindroid had noticed Cole's strange behavior over the past few weeks. He barely spends any time with Nya, and when he isn’t with her, he locks himself in his room for hours at a time —so long that they have to check on him to ensure he's still there. It worried the whole team, but they all knew there was nothing they could do to help. After all, Cole was a ghost. None of them understood what he was going through. To be transparent, to have no human needs—no hunger, no thirst, no need for sleep or exercise—was something none of them could relate to.
But Zane never thought it was this bad. He knew it could get to this point, but not so soon. Glancing back down at the sidewalk, hundreds of meters below them, his system worked to figure out a way to ease the situation.
“Have you tried talking to Wu on the matter?” His voice was almost a whisper as blue eyes found the black ninja once more, who just kicked his feet off the edge of the building.
“No point.” The air brushed his hair over his eyes but he didn't move to fix it, “There's no scrolls on how to return a human-turned-ghost back to the living. Maybe because I was the only one who escaped the temple. Nonetheless, none of his scrolls help. And if there's tea for it…” Cole trailed off.
“It's of no use..” Zane finished the sentence for him, turning back to look at their feet, dangling off the edge.
“It just feels like fate has it out for us,” Cole spoke once more, eyes downcasted. “I love the others, I wish them no bad intentions but it's just... like we're the main target of it all. You literally died and I'm still dead.”
Zane glanced at Cole's lap as he saw the ghost's hands gripping the fabric of his pants, knuckles trembling with the force, the fabric ever so slightly cracking, ready to break at the seams.
“It's not fair.”
It felt unfair since the day Zane fought the Overlord. It felt unfair for Cole to find half of the face of his beloved in the snow, eyes lifeless, and the vibrant blue drained to a haunting gray.It felt unfair to spend months as a broken team, picking up the shattered pieces of what they once were. It felt unfair to turn into a ghost and be too afraid to leave his room, and even more unfair that, even in death, he couldn’t speak to his mother.
Why was he still here? How was his curse any different from a normal death? Why was he still stuck in the living world, while she—his mother—was nowhere to be found?
She would’ve helped him, given him some encouragement, even a damn hug. But no, the universe seemed determined to force him into silence, to make him suffer on his own. Probably waiting for the day he finally gave in, threw himself into the nearest body of water, and-
“Hey,” Zane's voice called out to him as Cole felt the ever so slightly chill of his hand gesturing to cup his cheek. It also was the moment he registered that there were tears down his face, falling on his hands, the feeling like pure poison, distorting his face to look like it was burned with melted metal, small holes forming on his hands as he still gripped the fabric of his gi.
He turned his face to look at Zane, letting himself be delusional for a moment, pretending he could feel the cold cradle of Zane’s hand on his cheek. He played the part, acting like he didn’t long for more—like he didn’t desperately wish to truly feel Zane’s hand as it gently wiped away the acid-like tears burning his eyes. Thin wisps of steam rose from his distorted face, disappearing into the dark sky above.
“Talk to me,” Zane said, his voice firm but not harsh, more like a gentle command meant to keep Cole’s focus. “ I won't pretend I know what it's like to be a ghost but I do know what it's like to feel… not human .” His words held weight, not in judgment, but in an effort to reach him. “It may seem unfair. It may be unfair. But I refuse to let you see only the bad side of the situation.”
“What's the good side then?” desperation rang in Cole's voice as he did his best to bite back a weak sob. “I don't see any good side, Zane! You died -”
“This isn't about me, Cole-”
“Sure it isn’t!” The steam from Cole's face flew more dense. “You fucking died! Do you know how fucking hard it was for us- for me to get over the fact that you're gone?! And you turn back good as new but you never spoke about your time in that godforsaken cell! Nor what happened before you got rebuilt, or if you even remember it!”
“Where's this coming from? Cole, the conversation is about you !”
“Stop changing the subject and answer me!” Cole spoke, staring at Zane who so desperately tried to not talk about himself and his own issues. Why was he like that?! He preached about not bottling stuff up, yet he never said a word if something was bothering him. “You want me to feel better, tell me how you feel about all this! Being the cruel joke of the fate, the go-to sacrifice every fucking time- ”
“Like shit!”
Cole blinked, taken aback by Zane’s sudden outburst—and the unfamiliar sting of a curse word coming from his usually composed teammate. The tears that had been streaming down Cole's face began to slow, the tension in the air shifting. It wasn’t just heavy; it was… oddly comforting, in a way. After a few steadying breaths, Zane's expression softened, his rigid posture relaxing. He ran a hand through his hair, pushing the stray silver strands back into place.
“It feels like shi-...” Zane closed his eyes, probably calming himself enough to not use any more foul language.
“Not good. It feels awful,” he continued, his voice steady now. “But there’s nothing either of us can do about it. I get what you mean about it not being fair. It isn’t. When I died, I felt completely lost, disoriented. But I knew I did it to save Ninjago... and to protect the people I care about. That’s you, Cole. That’s Jay, Kai, Nya, Lloyd, Sensei… everyone who made me feel like I finally had a place where I belong.”
He paused, letting out a soft sigh before he spoke again. “I’m different. I’ve always known that. Even before I found out I wasn’t human. But none of you ever judged me for it, even if the idea of me being a Nindroid was a shock. Even if I didn’t have flesh, if I was just sensors and panels, my system mimicking the way you think and feel, I accepted it. And if fate had me be this way, I wouldn’t change it. Just like I wouldn’t change the past... how I sacrificed myself so you all could live. Because in the end, I’m a machine. I can be rebuilt. But you… you can’t.”
“So what? You'll keep sacrificing yourself until you're blown to pieces so small no one can put together?!” Cole couldn't help but just feel… frustrated by the blond. How could he be— be grateful for this, for being made to be destroyed over and over and over again.
“If it meant keeping you alive, then yes!” Zane shouted, his voice sharp and unyielding, as cold as the ice he summoned from his metal fingertips, the temperature around them dropping with his words. “I would, Cole! Because I can be brought back. It’s you —you who cannot, should not die or be gone!”
A heavy silence fell over the rooftop, the two ninjas locked in a tense stare. One’s face was set, almost desperate, the other’s filled with confusion—and something else, something harder to name. The quiet stretched on, fragile and thick with unspoken tension, until, finally, Zane’s expression softened. His eyes dimmed slightly, the icy edge to his voice fading as he spoke again, quieter now.
“Do you know how hard it is for everyone, for me to see you torment yourself like this? You barely talk to us anymore, you will not eat, you refuse to sleep, and I know you don't have the need for such things but you will feel less human if you don't! Believe me, I know this. I'm not saying I know what your situation is like but I may as well be the only one who can relate to feeling like your humanity has been ripped out from you.”
Cole felt like a lump was stuck in his throat, his eyes slowly drying out, his face ever so slightly going back to how it usually was, the damage from the tears fading. Still, if he had a heartbeat, it would be ringing in his ears as he listened to how broken Zane seemed by the situation in which they were.
The duo stayed in silence as they let the tension dissolve, Cole's gaze turning down to the edge as he could feel Zane's eyes linger on his face a few seconds more before they moved to look at the horizon.
“Fate is cruel,” Zane spoke again, more calm, more collected once more. “But at least I'm not alone. That's what's keeping me going.”
As the earth ninja considered their conversation so far, the cold air whipped around them as the city suddenly felt too quiet for Cole's liking. His eyes remained in their position. Still he moved his line of focus on his hands rather than the edge of the rooftop and what awaited below, the battle scars ever so slightly visibly, along with the moles cast over his once warm skin, now turned translucent green.
“Plus…” Zane's Voice echoed again, gentler, more.. hesitant as a silver hand hovered over Cole's, his gaze flickering to the titanium digits trying to wrap- no… lace themselves with ghostly ones. Green eyes turned to meet blue ones, the wind sweeping a few silver strands over Zane's face. “Even if you..did.. stay a ghost forever.. I'll be there to keep you company.”
A bit of forced will from Cole, and Zane's fingers were able to feel a bit more pressure under them, like an air bubble nestled under his hand. Although unsure, he laced his fingers with the raven's, his thumb brushing barely felt circles over the hand of his teammate.
“That's..a bit of a depressing thought..” The sentence was meant in a more lighthearted way, as a means to ease the situation, but Cole's voice was still a bit strained from joy at the moment, not to mention that he was quite distracted. Both from the fact that he was holding Zane's hand, and that he couldn't quite place if it was the lighting of the city's reflection or if there really was blue-ish tint on Zane's cheekbones.
Nonetheless, the nindroid's smile slightly widened, lips tugging gently making Cole's brain go haywire. Yet, all Zane did was to shrug his shoulders and turn his gaze back to their hands, sitting on top of the black ninja's thigh.
“Could be.. But if Fate has it this way I wouldn't complain.” His hand gave a soft squeeze. The gesture small, but the meaning behind it spoke volumes.
“Not if I'd spend eternity with you.”