Work Text:
Lukas felt fine.
He never felt like he wasn't, so he just assumed he was. The adventures he went on with Jesse and his friends never struck him with paralysis in the face of danger, no, he learned after that. He never froze again. But somehow, new experiences where he's been met with near death experiences are met with nothing. No emotion besides the want to live through it. He thought it was normal, but he did find it strange that he wasn't always like that. Maybe he grew out of it at some point and didn't realize. Either way, he was now walking with Jesse through BeaconTown.
Jesse told him that he wanted to show him a few new builds that were revamped after Romeo destroyed them. Lukas was happy to oblige as he followed Jesse through town. Lukas also knew that Jesse was keeping him from his writing on purpose. Jesse insisted that he take a break sometime, but Lukas was stubborn as an untamed horse. He would always find a way to worm back to his writing desk which made Jesse huff and puff in annoyance. He was close the other day but with whispered sweet nothings and a few gentle kisses, Jesse was left a love drunk mess and Lukas went back to work. Once Jesse recovered and learned what Lukas did and why, he feigned sorrow.
"How could you play with my emotions like this Lukas?" Jesse whined, flopping over his lap effectively stopping him from writing and instead watching the spectacle in front of him. Dewey, Lukas' ocelot barely escaped from Jesse as he flopped on Lukas. Dewey narrowed his eyes at Jesse who had just stolen his spot on Lukas' lap. Jesse stuck out his tongue at the jungle cat who turned his nose up and jumped up onto the mantle. "All I've ever done is love and adore you an-and you just pull my heartstrings like I don't feel the pain of being used!"
Lukas rolled his eyes as he gently combed his fingers through Jesse's hair. "You are being too much." He gently whispered feeling the shiver that went down Jesse's spine, but he recovered quickly.
"Now I'm being told I'm too much? I truly live in a home where I'm not appreciated!" Jesse faked a few sobs. Lukas just shook his head as he leaned back as he carefully untangled Jesse' curls. Lukas could practically feel Jesse relax into his touch. He knew he might fall asleep if he kept this up so he relented earning a disgruntled whine from Jesse. "Why'd you stop?"
"Because I need to get back to work." Said Lukas. Jesse immediately regained his bravado and sprung back into pleading much to Lukas' amusement.
"Before I lose you the feathered quill, can I humbly request you visit town with me?" Jesse said, using the words he'd read from Lukas' books.
"So eloquent." Lukas teased.
"Then, I will not bother you for..." Jesse tapped his finger on his chin. "About four hours."
"How generous of you." Lukas laughed. He cupped Jesse's cheek and practically saw him melt against him. "I'll indulge you. Only because I love you, you get a special treatment."
Jesse quickly jumped up and kissed Lukas' cheek. Lukas laughed as Jesse kissed the freckles dotting along the bridge of his nose. Jesse finally pulled away and looked at the breathless and smiling Lukas beneath him and admired him with a soft smile. He leaned forward and pressed his forehead against Lukas' placing a gentle hand on his neck. "You look so beautiful when you smile"
"Flatterer." Lukas whispered. Jesse chuckled softly before he pulled away.
"Hurry hurry! We're losing daylight!" Jesse pulled Lukas to his feet with little to no effort. Lukas let himself be dragged along as Jesse jumped excitedly as he watched Lukas put his shoes on. Once that was done, Jesse dragged Lukas outside. There was a pleasant chill in the air. Lukas felt a shiver go through his body. He loved this time of the season. When the leaves change color and the bridge to winter becomes clearer. Lukas had once asked Jesse what his favorite season was and he'd said spring. When Lukas asked why, Jesse was already off doing something else. He couldn't be too mad though. Lukas had a record of focusing on something else when he found something of interest too.
But, enough of how they got there. Lukas needed to be in the moment. Jesse had asked him to see the sights together after all.
Lukas walked with Jesse hand in hand down the main road. Jesse pointed out newer builds that previously were under construction or the plot of land wasn't even filled in yet. Lukas definitely had to applaud the people. They were certainly working overtime to make the town beautiful again. He also had to applaud Jesse, he was doing a wonderful job as mayor and he hoped that the people along with himself showed that they all saw his efforts.
Jesse and Lukas visited almost everyone in town and even played greeters for a while until one of them said they were hungry. Lukas followed after Jesse as they walked up to the bakery. There was a long line that Jesse thought maybe they should go some place else, but Lukas kept his hand intertwined with Jesse's reassuring him it was fine to wait in the line. "As long as I'm with you." He said. Jesse relented and they stood talking in line as they got closer and closer to the counter Lukas could hear his stomach grumbling. He hadn't realized how hungry he truly was. He blushed with embarrassment hoping Jesse wouldn't notice, but as dense as the man was he was surprisingly observant when it came to his boyfriend.
"Hungry?" Jesse said nudging his arm. Lukas looked away trying to squish the laugh that threatened to bubble from his throat. He shook his head but Jesse was too quick. He ran his hand up Lukas' side and had him laughing in seconds. Lukas slapped a hand over his mouth before playfully hitting Jesse's arm. Lukas realized they'd reached the front of the line and pointed for Jesse to order first. He pursed his lips before he relented and went up to the counter and began his order.
Lukas placed his hand over his chest as he started to slow his breathing. He'd noticed he was starting to feel a bit lightheaded so he told Jesse to order for him and he would find them somewhere to sit. Lukas found a table outside and sat down. He combed his fingers through his hair stopping when he felt over the scars from PAMA's chip. Lukas gulped trying to remember how to control his bodily functions. He suddenly felt a hand on his back and his senses came back. The sound of people, the smell of baked goods, Jesse stood right in front of him. Oh shoot.
Lukas smiled at Jesse but he could see that he was worried. "What's the matter?"
Lukas quickly waved Jesse off. "Oh, nothing. Just felt a sharp pain suddenly."
Jesse pulled the chair to sit right next to him and placed a hand on his arm. "Is it still hurting? Do you want to go home?"
"No!" Lukas quickly fixed his volume. "No, I'm not dying Jesse. It's fine. I'm perfectly fine."
Jesse looked like he didn't believe him, but he also didn't want to corner Lukas. So, he sat back in his chair and gave a paper bag to Lukas. He took it and found chocolate chip cookies inside. Lukas beamed at him. They both had a favorite sweet and while Lukas particularly liked a nice warm apple pie, he did adore chocolate chip cookies. Lukas handed a cookie to Jesse before he took one for himself.
"So, dessert for dinner?" Lukas asked trying to lighten the mood. Luckily, Jesse took the bait and perked up immediately.
"Yup! I figured you might like it." Jesse said looking at Lukas lovingly. Lukas tilted his head slightly before uttering a small "aw."
Lukas and Jesse sat talking about Lukas' book and how renovations were doing in BeaconTown for what felt like a few minutes only to find it had been almost and hour. The sun was setting and everyone was gathering more towards the center of town. Jesse grabbed Lukas' hand and they ran off towards the direction everyone else was headed. They stopped just in front of a stage someone had set up at some point and Lukas spotted Radar. He waved to him and immediately he jumped off the stage to greet them. "Hey! How have you guys been? Anything new?"
Lukas shrugged. "Nothing too out of the ordinary."
"He's just saying that. He's almost done with his newest book!" Jesse said excitedly. It was almost like Jesse was more excited than he was about it. Lukas also felt like he was being shown off like a prized boyfriend. He couldn't help but feel flattered. "He says a few more weeks and he'll finally be done!"
"It still needs some revisions but other than that, yes. Almost done." Lukas said. Radar looked happy for them.
"That's awesome!" Radar exclaimed. "I can't wait to read it!"
Lukas looked around at the people gathering closely around the stage. Lukas turned back to look at Radar. "So, uh, Radar, what are all the people gathering around for?" Lukas asked. Radar looked behind him like he hadn't noticed and it caused both Lukas and Jesse to laugh softly.
"Oh this? It's a fireworks event. Axel and Olivia have been working on a new type of firework that is bigger and brighter than regular fireworks. So, I've gathered everyone here and asked them to make their own fireworks to also let off today. Once the sun goes down of course."
Lukas looked to Jesse. "Seems like fun. Are you behind this in any way?" Lukas asked Jesse who looked at him with a sheepish smile.
"And if I was?" Jesse said with an innocent smile.
"Then I'd say it was a pleasant surprise!"
"It's time. I should get to the announcements." Jesse and Lukas waved as Radar climbed back on stage. Jesse turned to Lukas.
"I wanted it to be a surprise and something you got to see in person rather than you seeing it from your window." Jesse said. Lukas placed a gentle kiss on his cheek.
"Thank you Jesse." Jesse beamed at him before wrapping his arm around Lukas' waist.
Lukas and Jesse looked over to the stage as Radar spoke. "Everyone gather around, the show is about to begin! But before I set it off, Axel and Olivia told me to explain this firework." Everyone clapped as they listened with anticipation as Radar came closer and closer to the firework. "With Axel's experience in explosives and Olivia's savvy with redstone, they made this firework! Brighter and bigger than a regular firework."
Lukas felt a tremble run down his spine. He took a step back with Jesse's arm slipping away from him. "Lukas? Are you okay?"
"Let the start the fireworks!" Radar announced. Lukas felt his chest feel tight. Radar walked up to the firework and lit it, and the red flare shot up into the sky with bright brilliancy. Lukas tripped over himself and hit the harsh stone of the pavement scraping the palms of his hands. But he didn't think on that, he hadn't the time. When he looked up, his eyes filled with terror, the firework went off. The sky was enveloped in red Lukas panted as he tried to regain control of his body, but that was a losing battle. As he stared at the sky more and more boisterous booms and flashing lights clouded his vision. Lukas couldn't see a thing, it was blurry and hazy. He felt someone touch him and he lashed out.
They pulled him up into their arms. He pushed against them trying to get away. He didn't want to be chipped again! Don't do it again! These hands that held him were strong, but they were still so gentle. It was suddenly darker with only small flashes from somewhere far away. "....s! Lu..as!" That voice was familiar. Lukas locked on to that familiar voice that he'd acquainted with home.
Lukas could suddenly hear his own wheezing breaths, he could feel the tightness in his chest, and could see Jesse helping him sit up. Hidden away in a dark alley, hiding from the bright lights of the fireworks, Jesse held Lukas carefully in his arms. His hand was on his chest and he as he tried to speak to Lukas. "Breathe with me. Please Lukas, breathe."
Lukas took a few stuttering breaths closing his eyes when he saw the flashes of color above them. Jesse scooped up Lukas and ran towards the entrance of BeaconTown. He ran through the woods occasionally stopping when Lukas whined. "Lukas. Lukas, look at me please." Jesse gently coaxed Lukas to look at him. Tears were still brimming his eyes as he looked at Jesse. When Lukas expected blame and anger, he was met with a gentle smile full of love and concern. It had Lukas in a moment of manual reset. He felt like his head was clear for only a moment before the fireworks flashed again. Jesse flinched letting out a soft growl before he picked Lukas up again. "It's not safe here." He'd muttered as they ran past hordes of monsters. He ran until they were outside Lukas' house.
Jesse maneuvered the door open and set Lukas on the couch before he went back and shut the door, then the curtains, and lit the fire. Dewey had nuzzled up to him as Lukas flopped over on his side coughing. Jesse immediately came over, dropping his flint and steel to sit Lukas upright.
"Breathe. Look at me, Lukas. Breathe with me." Jesse once again had his hand on his chest, but this time Jesse was applying gentle pressure that mimicked his own breathing. Lukas caught on quickly. "Good, good. That's so good. I'm so proud of you." Lukas took in a deep shuddering breath before he exhaled. Everything looked clearer, the sounds were louder and not as muffled, and he could see Jesse clearly again.
"Jess..?" Lukas couldn't get out the rest. The words just died on his tongue. Jesse smiled at him and caressed his cheek.
"Hey there." Jesse brushed his thumb over his cheek accidentally tickling his lashes. Lukas smiled leaning into the touch. "Lukas, we have to talk about that. What happened?"
Lukas knew it was coming, yet even still he wasn't prepared for it. "I was fine a second ago. I really was."
"But now you aren't, my dear."
Lukas sighed. He tore his gaze away from Jesse refusing to look into Jesse's sad puppy dog eyes. Dewey crawled up onto Lukas' lap nudging the back of his hand. Lukas sighed, he was being attacked from all angles. "I never mentioned this before, but I don't cope right. It doesn't register in the moment and it comes out eventually. It just so happened to be in the middle of Radar's event. Do you think he'll forgive me?"
Jesse chuckled softly before sitting next to Lukas, wrapping his arm around his shoulders. "Radar will be fine. Right now is about you. Are you okay?"
"I am." Lukas paused. "Was. I was fine all this time. I'm sorry I don't know what happened."
Jesse pulled Lukas closer. "You don't need to apologize. This is not your fault. It will never be your fault. The mind is a funny place, Lukas. It does weird things that no one can explain."
Lukas smiled. Jesse's reassurance was everything to him. It made him feel valid and seen. This whole thing he thought he'd always have to deal with on his own, but Jesse proved over and over, again and again that he was never alone in these endeavors. "Thank you Jesse."
Jesse leaned back. "No problem. When were you going to tell me about the breathing thing?"
"'The breathing thing?'" Lukas echoed before he laughed. "You mean asthma?"
"Don't blame me! I've never seen that before!" Jesse cried much to Lukas' amusement. He shook his head as he leaned back on the couch.
Lukas laughed loudly until he hunched over and started coughing. Jesse rubbed his back as Lukas breathed slowly. "Sorry, sorry." Lukas sighed as he slumped against the back of the couch. Jesse moved closer and Lukas took this opportunity to rest his head on Jesse's shoulder. "I only just found out about it too. After Spleef, it felt almost impossible to get in a good breath. I thought that was normal because when I asked Nell, she said she felt the same thing. Anyway, I saw a doctor recently and they told me what it was, but they had no way to fix it. They just told me to avoid stressors."
"That sucks. what are the stressors? Do you know?" Jesse asked. Lukas nodded as he looked at the flickering flames.
"Redstone and things like that can make me feel short of breath. I've noticed I stop breathing when I catch myself staring for long periods of time, the color in general causes a reaction too." Lukas said.
"That's why you changed the bed covers." Lukas laughed before he nodded.
"Enderman, being dragged around by people I don't know, th-thinking about what I didn't do when the Witherstorm attacked Gabriel a-and Petra." Lukas let out a shuddering breath.
"You were scared. We all were. It's not your fault." Jesse says as he takes Lukas' hand. Lukas flinched and pulled away. He held his hand against his chest and when Jesse gently pulled his hand to see what was wrong, he saw bloodied and scraped palms. Lukas grimaced at the look of it. Jesse gently kissed Lukas' fingertips and stood up. "I'll be right back. I'll get you something that will make you feel better."
Lukas nodded before he looked down at his hands. He could vaguely remember falling and that being the reason he ended up with scraped up hands. With the adrenaline of the whole situation finally coming down, Lukas could feel the pain and exhaustion weighing on him. Dewey's ears perked as he looked over at the soft noise that slowly became louder. Lukas also peaked over the couch as he heard Jesse walk out of their room tapping his fingers rhythmically against a glass bottle. He sat down next to Lukas once again and uncorked the bottle.
"I got a regen potion from Ivor." Jesse held it up to Lukas's lips. "Let me help. I don't want you more hurt than you already are."
Lukas rolled his eyes at Jesse's overprotectiveness. "How sweet." Once the liquid hit his tongue, Lukas quickly gulped down the potion knowing that Ivor's potions had a bitter taste and even worse aftertaste. Lukas could hear Jesse laugh softly at Lukas' sour face. Lukas held out until he reached the halfway point when he pushed the bottle away. Lukas licked his lips and shivered at the taste. "Does Ivor have to make his potions near undrinkable?! I don't think that I can handle that taste anymore!"
Jesse laughed as he corked the bottle and tossed it onto the cushion beside him. "Take it up with him. I'm sure he would love the criticism." Lukas made a face that Jesse laughed at. Both he and Lukas knew that Ivor wasn't particularly fond of criticism, no matter how much he liked them. Jesse took Lukas' hands in his own and inspected them. Jesse smiled brighter seeing that Lukas' hands were no longer scraped and bruised. He kissed his palms making Lukas blush.
"Stop that, you dork." Jesse just pulled Lukas into his arms and attacked him with more kisses. Lukas laughed and tried to worm his way out of Jesse's arms, but Jesse was so much stronger than he was. Even Dewey was fighting. He'd jumped up on the couch and started smacking Jesse trying to free his owner. Lukas patted Jesse's shoulder and Jesse pulled back immediately checked if he was okay. Lukas looked a little dazed and very breathless.
"Are you okay? Your asthma isn't acting up again, right?" Jesse asked. Lukas chuckled shook his head.
"Thank you for understanding." Lukas whispered, resting his head on Jesse's shoulder curling up close to Jesse's warmth.
"Understanding what?" Jesse asked, he combed his finger's through Lukas' silky smooth hair.
"Me."