Work Text:
Okay, Trump. What’s your favorite show?
Favorite show? Seriously, what kind of question is that? I’m kidding, by the way.
Yeah…
I have the most favorite shows of all people. I love many shows, quite frankly. Nobody loves more states than I do. I love Michigan, I love North Carolina. Those are all great states. Very tremendous battleground states. We also love Georgia and Nevada. Nevada… We love Nevada very much, quite frankly. Some would even say we love it more than anybody. I’m not saying this, but some are. I know a guy, he’s saying this. A very beautiful, tall, muscular man, by the way. He was very tremendous. I’m telling you, when he talked to me-
Trump, the question was what your favorite show was?
I love many shows. Many shows, quite frankly. I think I love the best shows. Nobody loves better shows than I do. I used to watch shows with a remote control. It would break all the time and my father had to step in and save our television. It was a gray remote and I used it to switch channels. It was very unpleasant to touch.
What are you even trying to convey to your voters by this?
We’re gonna make America great again. Some would even say tremendous.
I don’t care. Just answer my questions, please.
Nobody answers questions better than I do. I’m telling you, Kamala’s always, you see her, always running away from questions. She would win the olympics if there was an interviewer present, quite frankly…
What’s your favorite show?
I love many shows. I love Ohio, I love Texas, I love Florida, I love Alaska. Those are some tremendous states and I love them very dearly.
That’s it, I give up.
Nobody gives up better than I do. Absolutely nobody.
Can you just answer my extremely simple question: What is your favorite show?
My favorite show is a very great show, by the way. It’s called this election cycle.
No! It has to be an actual show!
My favorite show is show and tell.
NO! What’s your favorite TV-show?
Quite frankly, we believe there’s voter fraud going on in Pennsylvania. We’re looking into it. It’s very concerning.
Alright… What do you plan to do once you get in office?
I plan to take a walk, play some golf and do some meditating. You should really try meditating. It’s very tremendous. Quite frankly, I believe it’s the most tremendous thing out there. Even more tremendous than the early vote results that have me in their favor. The betting markets, I’ve got a big lead there. It’s absolutely fantastic.
Do you believe you’ll secure the presidency?
I will secure many things. I will secure the borders. They will be very secure, I’m telling you. They will be closed and open at the same time. Nobody will know how. It will be tremendous and we’re gonna win bigly. Very bigly, quite frankly. Probably more bigly than all previous elections ever. No one will vote for Kamala.
But, Mr. Trump, you can’t just ignore that she has a prominent following.
Fake news.
You invented that phrase. Do you believe the right people are using it, and for the right reasons?
Reasons to vote for me? Oh, there are many. Just take a look at our country. Our very, very, uh… tired… country…
Trump!
Nobody’s more energized than I am.
What’s your stance on trans rights?
Quite frankly, I don’t believe they have any rights. I don’t think they exist to begin with. They’re just made up. They’re very made up people.
Abortions?
We hate abortions very much. They’re very nasty, and I don’t like it when women decide things. If they did, I wouldn’t win.
Thank you for joining us here tonight.
You’ve been a horrible interviewer.
Trump’s X response:
I AM SO FUCKING MAD BECAUSE THIS DEBATE WAS UNFAIR AND UNFAIR. I GOT THE WORST POSSIBLE QUESTIONS. I COULDN’T ANSWER THEM PROPERLY. I’M EXTREMELY MAD. I’M SEETHING WITH ANGER AS I SIT IN THE BATHROOM WRITING THIS.