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The empty sekai isnt home to many visitors at this hour. Ironic, considering their group's "thing".
Although, it's probably well past that time by now.
Mafuyu isn't sure what time it is exactly, but she wouldn't be surprised if even her night aligned friends have gone to sleep. And she would have too...
It's not like she hasn't tried. Nothing works. She can count sheep for as long as she wishes, she can shut her eyes tight and attempt to drift off. It doesn't work. It never does. The cold that envelops her like a blanket of snow never leaves, the ice in her chest never melts.
So she comes to the sekai. Like always. Hiding away in the world where cold is only ever as real as warmth, where light meets the dark to create a never ending grey void. The void overcast with even more gray, blurry skies.
It's soothing, certainly. And most importantly, it is not cold. It may not be warm, but Mafuyu doesn't need that much. Warmth is only desirable, not necessary.
Good enough. This place is good enough.
She just wants to sleep. She's so tired.
Mafuyu isn't expecting anyone to be in the sekai at this hour. A logical expectation. Her friends should all be in the nightcord call or asleep.
Certainly not in this weird excuse for a world, laying on the ground with dead eyes staring into nothing.
Obviously, this is unexpected. And out of all the possible options, Mizuki was the least expected.
And there lies the mistake, doesn't it? Mafuyu knows exactly what the "feeling that they all share" is. Has she not also spent days on the ground of this sekai, wishing so desperately to disappear? Was it not her that called the others out on their hypocrisy intervention?
Admit it, you all want to disappear more than anything.
It was said in anger, in an attempt to make them turn away. To finally give up on her. But deep down she knew it was true. They're all here after all.
She just didn't realize what that truly meant. Ena was obvious in her emotions, wearing her heart on her sleeve so much that even Mafuyu could tell how desperate she'd been feeling. Kanade was as honest to them as she was to herself, the desire to disappear fought off by the curse she knowingly and willingly placed on herself. It's easy to know when and how much those two wanted to disappear, and even easier to believe that they wouldn't.
Mizuki just hid it. Emotions woven so deep into their heart that one would have to tear open the stitches to get to them. Laughter so easy and carefree that even while knowing, it was so easy to forget the feeling they shared.
It's harder to forget when someone is laying motionless on the floor of your mysterious pocket dimension.
Mafuyu is unsure on what to do.
She just wanted to sleep.
But Mizuki is here, and Mafuyu doesn't know how long she's been here. Can't even begin to guess how much longer she plans to be here, whether that be for the better or worse. Better in this case being that Mizuki feels good enough to return to the real world. And worst being, well...
An unwanted outcome. A deeply unwanted outcome. Mafuyu doesn't want to lose any of the people that made her heart feel warm again. That may be a selfish reason to want someone to live, but it is her reason nonetheless. Besides, a similar selfish reason is the thing that's saving her.
She's no savior, is she? She's not Kanade, with her endless determination and drive, burning with the desire to make music to save her. She isn't Ena, with her unimaginable passion and caring heart hidden beneath the temper. She's just Mafuyu, no strong feelings and no strong desire. What can she even do for Mizuki?
Anything she can, she supposes, as she takes a seat beside the motionless editor.
"Mizuki." she greets.
Please respond. Please be alright.
Mizuki doesn't respond.
But she does take a deep breath, startled by the sudden voice.
Instantly, Mafuyu's chest fills with relief. She's conscious. Not okay, maybe. But she's here. This might not fix anything, but at least she can be heard.
"Did the call end?" Mafuyu asks. She's still not sure what the time is.
"I don't know." Mizuki finally answers. Her voice is rough, like jagged edges of a broken gemstone. "I never joined."
Oh.
Her pink eyes reflect the sky.
It's worse than she thought.
"Why not?" Mafuyu dares to ask.
Mizuki's head rolls towards her, like a ragdoll that's fallen to the ground.
Her pink eyes are dull.
A weight sinks to the bottom of her stomach. Any relief felt is gone.
It's so much worse than what Mafuyu thought possible.
Two dull eyes lock in battle. The duller one loses. Mizuki averts her eyes. "Didn't feel up to it." she sounds like it hurts just to speak, Mafuyu thinks.
It's silent.
The silence wraps around them like a snake, constricting the air from their lungs. Or maybe just Mafuyu's. Mizuki is entirely unreactive. Mafuyu can hear her own breathing get tighter as the thoughts swirl around her head. What is this feeling? Why does her chest feel like it's being squished by a hydraulic press?
Mafuyu lays down next to her. She's still tired. There's no way she'll be able to fall asleep like this, frozen by worry. Her hand reaches for Mizuki's. She doesn't want her to leave and go back to her bedroom to do god knows what.
She knows what. They all can guess what. Shared feeling and all the shit.
Fingertips brush against skin, one that's cold as ice. Mafuyu wonders where she was before coming here. She pushes, further. Her hand slips into the ice-cold hand. The ice-cold hand twitches. Mizuki doesn't pull away.
"Aren't you gonna ask me why I'm here" Mafuyu asks finally.
"Sure." is the response. "Why are you here, Mafuyu?" asks the voice that is as hollow as it is pained.
"I couldn't sleep." she answers. She can feel the limp, cold hand in hers.
"Oh."
Mafuyu waits.
"Sorry I'm keeping you then."
Mafuyu squeezes her hand. "Why are you here, Mizuki?"
Mizuki finally turns her head towards Mafuyu again. The dull gray mist in her eyes has faded into a deep abyss. "You know, Mafuyu, you should be proud of me. I went to school today."
She laughs when she's done talking. It's hollow. There is no hint of Mizuki's usual cheer to be found.
"Was it alright?" she asks. The answer is obvious, but she just needs Mizuki to keep talking.
The hand in her hold is shaking.
"Yeah." Mizuki chokes out. "Hey Mafuyu? What do you think would happen if someone died in this sekai?"
Mafuyu pauses, looking up at the pale gray sky. "I wondered about it a lot." she says eventually. "Before you found this place. I don't suppose anyone knows the answer."
A suspicion finds its way into her thoughts, striking hot into her chest. "Why?" She sits up, turning to look at Mizuki again.
Now that she's staring at her face once again, she can see the tears that started falling down who knows how long ago. Mizuki sits up as well, drawing her legs closer to her chest. She's shaking, Mafuyu notes. Like a leaf about to fall from the tree.
"I'm sorry." she sobs. Her eyes are still empty, shining only with the wetness from her tears. "I didn't mean to stain your world. I just didn't want everything to end when I was cold."
With shaking hands, Mafuyu presses the stop button on a phone that is not hers, her body wrapped around the shaking girl.
When the flashing lights disappear, they open their eyes to the Kamiyama rooftop. The sky over them is pitch black.
Mafuyu doesn't even want to think how long Mizuki had been here before she decided to finally go into the sekai. Considering the virtual singers hadn't found her yet...
She hurries pace, the taller girl's limp cold body draped across her shoulders. Mafuyu could probably carry her fully, with how light she seems to be right now, but she needs at least one of her hands free. Thankfully, the door is unlocked.
"Where do I take you?" Mafuyu asks sternly. Mizuki hangs her head.
"Go home Mafuyu. Go to sleep. Just let me die here. Please."
"Where?" Mafuyu repeats. “Where is safe?” Mizuki chokes out another sob.
In the end, Mafuyu decides to take her home. Their own home of course, not Mafuyu’s. The school is barely warmer than the rooftop and Mizuki is so cold to the touch. If the girl wasn’t breathing, however shallowly, Mafuyu might assume she’s a corpse.
Mafuyu walks as fast as she can. Mizuki's not resisting her pull, but she's not exactly helping either. Mafuy's pretty sure that if she let go now, Mizuki would collapse where she stood and lie there until someone else moved them.
"Can you tell me where you live?" Mafuyu asks. She can't let Mizuki fall asleep right now.
Mizuki stumbles. "Don't do this. Please. You'll see it if you try to help. You'll see that I'm not worth this effort. Stop now and save yourself the effort. Save me the embarrassment."
Mafuyu... has no clue what Mizuki's talking about.
"What?" she asks with confusion.
Mizuki pulls away from her hold, shaking as she tries to stand straight. "I'm a coward and a liar. I don't deserve this. Please just stop trying to help."
Mafuyu shakes her head.
Shaking hands raise to clutch onto fabric that was once sown with love, lifting it up in one slow motion.
Mafuyu is horrified.
Mizuki's stomach looks like a warzone. And even that feels like an understatement. Bruises the color of her hair litter the other's body like spilled wine. And there's worse.
"Why didn't you mention you were bleeding." Mafuyu asks in a small voice. Her hear feels tight. A thousand needles stabbing into it.
Mizuki can't look her in the eyes. "Because it doesn't matter."
"How could it not matter?"
"It won't kill me. I know what I'm doing."
The words hit like a truck the second they register.
"Oh." Mafuyu says quietly.
"Yeah, oh." Mizuki echoes hollowly. "I'm sorry I worried you for nothing. Now that you know, will you let me suffer what I deserve?"
"Why does this make you deserving?" Mafuyu asks, now even more confused.
"D-did you not see?" Mizuki stammers.
"I can see your wounds, yeah?"
Mizuki looks at her, for real. Then the tears start.
Mizuki's trembling.
Mafuyu doesn’t know how to help.
“Where’s the infirmary?” she asks. She doesn’t know how to help with emotions so she’ll just do what she’s good at. Physical wounds, that she can handle.
They’re definitely not supposed to break into the infirmary but well... What’s one more rule breaking, considering how Mizuki is definitely not supposed to be here at this hour and she doesn’t even go to this school.
It makes her question just how Mizuki had managed to stay on that rooftop for so long without being found. And in that condition. The self inflicted wounds are one things, but Mafuyu knows for a fact that the bruises had to have come from someone else.
She wants to ask, but she’s not sure she wants to know the answer.
Mizuki chokes.
"That- that’s not it. That wasn't what I was trying to show you."
“Oh.” Mafuyu replies, still confused. “I’m sorry. What were you trying to show?”
Mizuki dissolves into sobs, curling further into herself as her arms wrap tightly around her body. Mafuyu doesn’t think she’s in a state to answer any questions right now.
With one hand, she reaches for Mizuki’s shoulder.
They flinch away.
“Mizuki.” Mafuyu states in the calmest voice she can muster. “I really need to take a look at those. Where’s the infirmary?”
Mizuki shakes her head, eyes still hidden in their sleeves. “N-no.” She whispers.
Mafuyu takes a deep breath.
“We’ll go back to the Sekai.” She says. “Just let me get some stuff from there. Then you can go back to the Sekai.”
Mizuki takes a few breaths, seeming calmer. Only a little.
“But you still don’t know what happens when someone dies in there.” They whisper.
“You’re not dying, Mizuki.”
Mizuki stays silent.
Mafuyu waits, until her breathing evens out.
“I’m sorry.” Mizuki whispers again, now calm. “I can’t handle it anymore.” She reaches into her pocket, pulling out a small pill bottle. The bottle is handed over to Mafuyu, Mizuki’s eyes never meeting hers during the whole thing.
And oh, Mafuyu thinks. This is what was going to happen if she wasn’t there.
Mizuki still thought it would happen, even when she was there. Or no, maybe precisely because she was there. Why?
“Why?” she asks.
Mizuki laughs. “I- it’s just better this way. No one actually want me around, I just make life worse for everyone.”
“That’s not true.” Mafuyu insists. She still remembers how she was before, remembers how cold and lonely it had been. Mizuki had changed that, had been her friend for no reason other than she just wanted to. She’d shown her that she could be loved even if she wasn’t ‘perfect’.
Mizuki had helped her breathe.
“That’s not true.” Mafuyu says. “I want you around.”
“You wouldn’t if you knew the truth.”
That’s a challenge, Mafuyu thinks. She rises up to it.
“Tell me then.” She tells her, staring straight into her eyes. “Tell me this secret so horrible that you think we would condemn you to death for it.
Mizuki averts their eyes, taking a deep breath. She then takes off her t-shirt, in its entirety.
The first thing Mafuyu notices is the cuts and bruises, far more than she’d seen before. A quick glance didn’t show much, it seems. And the second thing...
Huh.
Mafuyu looks up to Mizuki, silently asking for an explanation. Or a confirmation.
“I’m trans.” Mizuki says plainly. “I’m sorry I’ve been lying to you. I uhh. My classmates know. Perhaps that was a mistake.”
That actually explains a lot, Mafuyu thinks. All their conversations about identity and staying true to yourself. Mizuki had always seemed to understand Mafuyu in ways the other two couldn't.
The word had come up in some of the textbooks she'd read. It had been... an intriguing topic.
"Okay." she says simply. "Now get in the infirmary."
Mizuki looks at her. "How can you say that? After all this, how can you still say that. I just told you I've been lying all this time. I told you that I'm responsible for my own pain. I don't deserve your help. Please stop wasting it on me." her pink eyes are filled with tears once again.
Mafuyu steps closer. "One: That's wrong. Two: I decide who deserves my help. Now get in the fucking room."
Mafuyu manages to catch her before she collapses.
The walk to the nurses office is arguably much simpler once she's carrying Mizuki rather than dragging her. To once again prove her luck, this door is also unlocked.
Mafuyu is true to her word. Once she’s gathered all she thinks they’ll need, the two of them end up in the empty Sekai once again.
Mizuki should have left some blankets here, Mafuyu thinks. And pillows
It hurts now, to think that Mizuki had tried to make this place into a welcoming place for all of them. A place of comfort.
The unopened bottle of pills sits heavily in her pocket.
Mafuyu pulls a pillow onto a blanket, gently laying Mizuki down as she turns around to find more blankets.
"I'm sorry." a quiet voice speaks. "You were tired, weren't you? Instead I made you deal with me and all my shit. And then I assumed you'd hate me."
Mafuyu turns back with more blankets in hand. "It's okay, not that tired anyways. I don't mind. I forgive you." She puts them over the girl’s legs, trying to provide as much warmth as she can without covering the wounds she still needs to clean up.
Mizuki frowns. "You shouldn't." Mafuyu reaches for the antiseptic and a cotton ball.
The cotton absorbs the solution. "This will hurt." Mafuyu warns. Mizuki pales.
Mafuyu only hesitates for a second before taking Mizuki's hand in her free one. Her other one moves to wipe the wound. By the time she's done, her hand has gone numb from how hard Mizuki's been squeezing. "Sorry." she says quietly. She moves to pull back to get the bandages.
Mizuki whimpers. "Please don't leave." Mafuyu stops.
"I have to get the bandages."
"Oh."
Mizuki pulls her hand away. It drops limp to her side. The sudden lack of a weight in her hand feels so cold. Even though her hand is probably warmer now that Mizuki’s not holding onto it.
Mafuyu returns as quickly as she can with the bandages, moving quickly. Mizuki still hasn't moved. On an impulse, Mafuyu grabs her hand again. Mizuki makes a surprised noise.
Something in her chest hurts again.
"Are you up to telling me what happened?" Mafuyu asks. Mizuki shrugs. Mafuyu grabs some bruise cream, putting it near where she knows the worst of the bruising was. Then in one quick move, she wraps her arms around Mizuki, lifting her while still holding her close to her chest.
“Why?” Mizuki slurs.
“You’re too cold.” Mafuyu replies as she pulls the blankets over both of them.
Mizuki relaxes against her.
“Why don’t you hate me?”
“Why did you think I would?”
“Because I’m weird? Because I lied? Because everyone always leaves, even after they said it was fine to my face?”
Mafuyu can read between the lines.
“I don’t lie. Not to you.”
Mizuki laughs again. “Yeah. I know. Why don’t you hate me for lying then?”
Mafuyu shrugs. “I know that sometimes you have to lie to keep yourself safe. I’m sorry we weren’t safe for you.”
“It wasn’t like that. I knew you would accept me, deep down I did. But you saw what happened, today. I couldn’t take that from someone I- someone I really cared about. I couldn’t take the chance, however small.”
“...what happened today?”
Mizuki was silent. Mafuyu wondered if she’d fallen asleep already.
“Mafuyu, won’t your mom notice that you’re gone?”
“She thinks I’m asleep. Didn’t yours notice you didn’t come home?”
Mizuki wakes up a little. "Oh. They're not home."
Mafuyu raises an eyebrow. "Have you been living alone?"
"It's just for a few days." Mizuki slurs. "Not a big deal."
Your current state begs to disagree, Mafuyu thinks. "Would you have actually taken the pills?”
Mizuki slumps.
“I don’t really know. I was... really tired. It’s the same things everyday. I really hate it. I just hurt myself, and then everyone else hurts me, and then I’m all alone in the cold. It felt like the universe was just sending a message, you know? Like, this is what always happens. Like it doesn’t matter how good I feel at times. I’m always going to just end up alone. I felt like it would be better to just end it now, and save us all the pain.”
Mafuyu’s chest really hurts.
“Do you still feel that way?” she asks, her hand slipping into Mizuki’s. Their shared body heat has evened out a bit and the other girl is no longer shivering.
She doesn’t get a response.
“I won’t do anything.” Mizuki whispers. “Please don’t feel forced to stay.
Mafuyu shakes her head, closing her eyes as she hugs Mizuki tighter under the blankets. “I’m staying. You should too.”
Mizuki squeezes her hand.