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It’s a nice night for a smoke.
Yamada and Sasaki stand side by side in the dark, illuminated by streetlamps, hair ruffled by the cool breeze. It’s a nice night for a smoke, but Yamada has another activity in mind:
She wants Sasaki to kiss her.
It’s not that she’s unsatisfied, alright? Sasaki is a kind and careful partner. He puts her needs first, and he provides a sort of solid footing she hasn’t had in a long time. It’s weird, but she even likes his old-fashioned habits and simple lifestyle. Being next to him makes her feel calm, and he’s so considerate of her feelings.
Maybe too considerate. Despite their progress in the last few months, physical intimacy has become somewhat of a sticking point. Sasaki never pushes her away, and never expresses dislike of anything she does, but he’s hesitant to initiate, even now that they’re dating. It’s like he’s scared of something.
But tonight, Yamada is going to change that—using her own experience and, more importantly, the shoujo manga her manager is always reading. Goto hadn’t even batted an eye when Yamada asked, casually and not suspiciously at all, what her favorite kiss scenes were. She’d even been enthusiastic about it! Thanks to her, Yamada has formulated the perfect plan.
Step 1: Location. Yamada is absolutely not kissing Sasaki behind the supermarket. The place must be secluded and comfortable, so she suggested they smoke by the kiosk again.
Step 2: Mood. This is where things get tricky. Sasaki is incredibly dense. It’s one of those things that’s both endearing and infuriating about him, and it means that Yamada will have to dial the charm up to 200% to even get Sasaki thinking about it.
Step 3: Action. She hates to admit it, but even if (and that’s a big if) steps 1 and 2 work, she’s still going to have to give him a push. Thankfully, she has no qualms about getting close—hopefully he gets the message if it’s right under his nose in neon lights.
Why, you may ask, is she going to all this trouble? Especially when she can just manhandle him? Well… she’s embarrassed to admit it, but she kind of wants him to be the one to initiate. Not because she’s shy! It would just be… good for him. Yeah.
“It’s a nice night.”
Sasaki stands beside her. He’s completely relaxed, his voice taking on a sleepy, accented drawl. They agree to meet here after cleaning up, so his hair is down and he’s wearing casual clothes. Yamada likes this version of Sasaki too. She knows how hard he works, and how precious these quiet moments are to him. He looks so cozy like this, too.
But! She can’t let anything—not even her boyfriend’s attractiveness—distract her from her mission. She hooks her pinky with his as she prepares to attack.
“Yeah. Nice to feel the wind kissin’ your skin,” she says, stealing a glance at Sasaki as she does. He hums in agreement.
“It’s been a while since we’ve been here,” he says, in a tone of voice that indicates he’s about to get sentimental. Yamada stifles a giggle. “I’m glad to be back here with you by my side.”
“There you go again, saying sentimental things.” She loves it, though. How honest he is. At first, she thought he was just an awkward old man, but it wasn’t long until she realized his charms.
…She really has loved him for a long time, hasn’t she? Suddenly, the night feels hot. She shrugs off her jacket, hoping the low lighting conceals the warmth in her cheeks.
“Let me,” Sasaki says, taking her jacket. Their hands oh-so-briefly touch, a touch that does not go unnoticed. He blushes, and Yamada is filled with unreasonable levels of desire for this stupid and charming man. She wants to kiss him so bad. And yet, it’s been hard enough to convince him to hold her hand. How is she gonna figure this one out?
Okay, then. Calm down. Time for the secret weapon. Yamada pulls a tube of lip gloss out of her coat pocket and makes sure to apply liberally and leisurely, smacking her lips with a satisfying pop. Sasaki looks on curiously.
“What?” Did that work?
“Oh, nothing!” He waves his hands around. “I was just thinking, you like to wear makeup, huh?”
“Well, this is just lip gloss.”
“Oh, so that’s why it seemed different from usual,” he says. “It looks good on you.”
“Glad you think so.” Now kiss me! She screams internally. Maybe she has underestimated Sasaki’s denseness. She chews on her lip while she tries to come up with more ideas.
“You look like you’re deep in thought,” he says. “Something on your mind?
“Nothing really.” Nothing she can tell him, anyway.
“Alright then.” He slips his hand into hers and gives it a squeeze. “You know I’m always here to listen.”
“Mhm.” Stupid Sasaki. Making moves on her when she’s distracted, yet not paying attention to the hints she’s dishing out. She sighs loudly, startling Sasaki, who is starting to look concerned.
“You’re sure you’re alright?”
“I’m fine.”
“…Is it something I did?”
Ughh.
Yamada knows she’s being petty. It’s not fair of her to expect Sasaki to read her mind. Even so, isn’t this the perfect night for a kiss!? Doesn’t he want to kiss her?
Or is she the only one?
“Learn to pick up on hints better,” she snaps, although she immediately regrets it. Now she’s gone and ruined it. It was such a nice night, too. She should have been content with the breeze, her smoke, and Sasaki. He wilts.
“S-sorry… I’m really dense, aren’t I?”
“S’okay. I shouldn’t have snapped.”
“No, no. I know it’s annoying to have to deal with me. I still can’t figure out what you’re thinking…”
“It’s not that,” she says (although it kinda is). “I’m having a good time. I just wanted—” She inhales, feeling uncharacteristically embarrassed and equally frustrated. “I just wanted you to… kiss me.” There. She said it. Not that it means anything now. The moment’s already ruined.
“Oh.” Sasaki’s voice comes out funny, and he’s blinking rapidly. “I… see.” He coughs, blush rising in his face. Yamada holds her breath—but he turns away instead.
The silence between them stretches awkwardly. Did she break him? Yamada is this close to playing it off as a joke when Sasaki suddenly straightens up.
“Well. I guess I’ll put this out.”
“Eh?” Does he not want to kiss her this much?
“I figure I’d want both hands,” he says, and now Yamada’s the red-faced one. “Then. Please excuse me…”
Suddenly, Yamada feels like pushing him away. Her face is on fire, and her heart is racing. Is this what anticipation feels like? As if sensing her nervousness, Sasaki pauses.
“What?” Even her voice comes out softer and shakier than intended. He smiles.
“Nothing. Just thought you looked very pretty.”
She. Is. Not. Swooning! And she is certainly not nervous, not even when Sasaki brushes his shaking hands against her face and tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. He’s taking his sweet time, letting the pressure build up between the two of them until Yamada’s head spins. Her fingers itch to grab him by the collar and reel him in, but she’s helpless against the look in his eyes. She’s having trouble looking anywhere but his mouth.
Then, slowly, slowly, slowly—like a single petal falling to the ground—he kisses her. It’s soft and sweet and far too short, but it still leaves her breathless.
When he pulls away, he looks surprised with himself.
“Was that okay?”
Yamada wants to reply, but she can’t form words right now. The best she can manage is a small nod. She feels small. She wants Sasaki to keep kissing her.
“O-oh, good,” Sasaki says, visibly relieved. He clears his throat and shuffles his feet, looking everything except her face. Has he always been this lovely? Have his fingers always been this gentle, his eyes this kind?
They always have been, Yamada thinks, clutching her hands to her chest. She watches Sasaki fumble with himself and falls in love all over again.
“Hey,” she says, just so he keeps looking her way. His face immediately reddens. “Um, thank you.” Inwardly, she cringes. Thank you? What’s gotten into her? It’s not like her to feel shy.
Sasaki stares at her.
“This is no good,” he says in a half-whisper. “Um. Stop me if you feel uncomfortable, okay?”
Hold on. Isn’t this—?
Yamada panics. Sasaki leans in, oblivious of the feelings swirling in her chest. Their eyes meet.
“Don’t look so nervous,” she says, even though she can hardly breathe. Sasaki laughs. He’s being too gentle. Yamada’s never been held so softly before.
…she’s never been kissed so softly before, either.
Eventually, their cigarettes are forgotten entirely. Yamada’s hands find their home on the back of Sasaki’s neck, fingers brushing at his hairline. His hands, which started out so careful, travel slowly down to her waist, where they pull her in a little closer. She sighs. They sway in quiet harmony.
It’s a nice night—warm and cheerful and sweet. A good night for a smoke, and a better night for a kiss.