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There was a saying in Pale Sands, apparently, that idiots didn’t catch colds. This was patently false, as Zelkov and Kagetsu had gotten hit the worst with the seasonal flu out of everyone on the Somniel.
It probably wouldn’t have been the worst had they not both lied for days about being fine and forcing themselves to do all their usual strenuous activities, and wound up collapsing next to each other after a rather pathetic training bout. Ivy had, unfortunately, been the one to find them sleeping on the ground, both scorching red with fever. She got some help from the few others who weren’t sick and dragged them to their room. She laid them on their respective beds and hoped they would stay put. As expected, both groggily tried to raise themselves.
“You two are to stay in bed.” Ivy said harshly. “As a royal order.”
Kagetsu flopped back down. For him, permission was all he needed to go back to the sleep he so desperately craved. For Zelkov, it would be more challenging.
“I assure you I am fine .” Zelkov tried to get out of bed on wobbly legs, only to fall into a kneeling position on the floor.
Ivy just looked at him incredulously. “You’re sick. Please just stay in bed.”
Zelkov stood up, gripping the bedpost to keep from falling. Beside him, Kagetsu started snoring softly. He looked on enviously.
“I can perform at least duties not requiring physical exersion. The cartography you wished for me to complete-“
“Zelkov, go to bed.” Ivy strided forward and took his hand that was clutching the bedpost. She easily overpowered him in his current state and pushed him into the bed. It was inelegant, but it got her point across. “Your royal orders are to sleep. You will face punishment if I come back and see you are out of bed.”
Zelkov grumbled. But the bed was so comforting he eased into it, bringing the covers up over himself.
“I cannot guarantee sleep, but staying in bed might be within my abilities.”
“Good. That’s good enough. Just don’t start working. Also don’t do any pursuits. I’ll be back later.”
And Ivy left them, dreading the next few days as their caregiver. As one of the only healthy people in the Somniel, she was entrusted to the sick people in Elusia. The others were easy patients, and Anna was also healthy and helping out, so they divided the workload so Anna checked up on the others while Ivy handled Zelkov and Kagetsu exclusively. She hoped they knew how much of a handful they were.
*
Ivy stood outside the door with a tray. She heard shuffling inside the room. Angrily she opened the door, and caught Zelkov and Kagetsu on the floor, maps and diagrams set up that Ivy had, before their illness, told them to properly rechart. They dropped their quills shamefully and made faces like puppies that had been caught misbehaving.
“Neither of you will get better unless you rest.” Ivy scolded them, trying to keep herself from yelling at them. They were obviously frustrated that they had to stay in bed, and Ivy was sympathetic. Not to the extent she’d let them get away with it, however.
They both got back on their beds, and took the trays from Ivy.
“You know, I really do feel much better!” Kagetsu said. He was lying - though he faked good cheer well enough, Ivy could feel the excessive heat radiating from him from across the room.
“As do I.” Zelkov said. He tried to lift the tray off himself, only for his hands to tremble. He dropped it all over the bed and himself.
“I did that on purpose .”
“Of course you did.” It took every shred of Ivy’s princessly decorum to not scream at them. The bed was now a mess, as were Zelkov’s clothes. Ivy turned around. “Redress and go into Kagetsu’s bed.”
“What?”
“I’ll wash your sheets and clothes. Go into Kagetsu’s bed - sufficient punishment for disobeying me.”
“I’d rather-“
“This is a direct order. Are you to betray me, Zelkov?”
She heard the shuffling of clothes being removed and put back on, and the creaking when Zelkov crawled into Kagetsu’s bed.
“This isn’t punishment. We may now spend our sick time bonding with skinship.” Kagetsu said. He gave Zelkov half of his bread, and Zelkov nibbled on it sadly.
“No. It is torture.”
“Come now! It’ll be so cozy being together.” Kagetsu brought an arm around Zelkov’s shoulder to keep them pressed together.
“Ivy, please.” Zelkov begged.
“Nope.” Ivy tried to hide her smile. She stifled her laugh with her hand, then gathered Zelkov’s bedsheets and dirty clothes. “You're going to stay in bed with Kagetsu and you’re going to like it.”
“If I may be so bold, this is not punishment for Kagetsu. Surely it is only fair-”
“Oh, Kagetsu will have his punishment. When he’s better, he’s doing everyone’s chores.”
Ivy left the room, hearing Kagetsu’s scream of “NOOOOOO” grow fainter and fainter as she walked to the washing area.
This was a little fun. She’d have to be careful not to tease them too much.
*
With the soiled sheets taken care of and Ivy’s other chores being done, she ventured to her retainer’s rooms before bedtime, bringing a midnight snack. If they had appetites, sharing one meal of bread and soup was far from enough, and she knew they would try to escape to the pantry if she didn’t get them something now.
She opened the door, pleased to find her retainers snoozing. Zelkov looked like a vampire in a coffin. Kagetsu also did. It was too perfect. Ivy knew well that Kagetsu slept in unusual positions, and snored loudly.
They were faking sleep.
Ivy put their snacks on the nightstand and went back out of the room, stepping in place to make it sound like she left. After a few moments, she heard shuffling. She pressed her ear to the door.
“Ivy has left.” Kagetsu whispered. Since he had no indoor voice, even whispering she could hear well. Zelkov’s reply, on the other hand, was fully obscured. She heard the creak of the bed, and something heavy being moved.
She slammed the door back open, startling them both. They dropped the stacks of books they were carrying to their shared desk.
“Zelkov! Kagetsu! Enough with this.” Ivy pointed to the bed, and both men reluctantly got in. “You two are like babysitting children.” She scolded. “Stay in bed. This is a final warning.”
“Sorry, Princess Ivy.” Kagetsu said with a pout. “It is just,” He motioned with his hands uselessly. “Sitting still is perhaps the hardest task you could ask of us. We have been bonding over it, in fact.”
Zelkov nodded stiffly. “We share a peculiarity wherein rest is complete anathema . It would, therefore, be more conducive to our mental health to allow work.”
“How hard is a few days of rest?”
“Very hard.” Zelkov said, with a level of vulnerability that shocked Ivy. She paused for a moment.
“You two…” She shook her head, though she wasn’t mad at them anymore. She understood the reasons for their scheming, and they had been trying to do work, not expend their limited energy goofing off. “Okay, fine. I’ll bring some paperwork and you can do it in bed. It’s just busy work, and I won’t let you do anything that requires physical or mental exertion.”
“Thank you.” Zelkov said.
“Thank you so much, Ivy!” Kagetsu shouted. Even with his cold diminishing his energy, he was still chipper when he spoke. “I never thought I would be happy about paper!”
*
“Do you boys feel better?” Ivy asked as she gave them their breakfast. The busy work had been a good compromise - it got done and both men managed to sleep. Zelkov just a little, but Kagetsu got a good night’s rest.
“Zelkov was so soft. Like a giant stuffed animal.” Kagetsu mused as Ivy felt his forehead. Still burning with fever. Ivy got him to lie back down and put a cold cloth on his head.
“How unfortunate. Kagetsu is so sick he is hallucinating . He also made sleeping impossible.” Zelkov complained. He reached over to Ivy’s little medicine basket and got his own cold cloth. He put it over his whole face and huffed in pleasure at the cool sensation.
“No I didn’t. I woke up to pee and you were clinging to me fast asleep.” Kagetsu countered. “Oh, we are allowed to leave if it’s to use the bathroom, right?”
“Yes, Kagetsu, that is okay.” Ivy said. Thankfully they weren’t so sick she needed to care for them to that extent. She did feel the need to dote on them, being so miserable looking and weak. With a regular cloth she dabbed down parts of their necks and chests, getting the sickly sweat off of them. “You two can also have a bath. But do it together in case one of you faints.”
“I’m not-” Zelkov almost complained, but held his tongue once he thought it over. “Yes, I suppose that makes sense .”
“It is common in Pale Sands to take baths with friends, Zelkov! We can wash each other’s backs.”
“As long as that’s the only thing you wash.”
*
Ivy came in later to drop off some other menial paperwork and some food, and both were asleep. It was the first time she caught them when they weren’t faking. Their cheeks were rosy and their hair was damp, dressed in new pajamas. They must have taken a bath. Ivy came by their bedside to observe them. They had much nicer colors to them. Their fevers had also gone down some. She poked Kagetsu’s cheek, then Zelkov’s. They stirred, and she felt bad for her silly gesture.
“G’mornin’...” Kagetsu slurred.
“It is 8 pm. Please keep sleeping.”
Kagetsu shook his head. He groggily opened his eyes. “G… night, Ivy.” He patted the bed. “Sit with us?”
Ivy sat on the foot of the bed. Kagetsu woke up a little more when he noticed Ivy brought them rice. She didn’t know how to make onigiri, but wanted to treat him for behaving himself today, so she figured a bowl of white rice would be sufficient. For Zelkov she brewed his favorite blend of tea to go with it. Kagetsu sat up and took the bowl graciously.
“How rare you are awake when Zelkov isn’t.” Ivy observed.
“I’m awake.” Zelkov said with his eyes still closed, voice not revealing a hint of grogginess. “Your poking interrupted my slumber . Not that I was sleeping soundly with the monster beside me.”
Kagetsu tickled his nose, making Zelkov sneeze. He and Ivy laughed at Zelkov’s expense.
“He has been calling me some variant of monster, demon, fiend, or what have you. Curiously, however, he has not once actually told me to back away from him.”
“How curious.” Ivy said cheekily. “Perhaps Zelkov is more fond of you than we thought.”
Zelkov sat up a little, grunting at any movement straining his achy muscles. Ivy passed him his bowl of rice. “I never said I wasn’t fond of Kagetsu. His clinginess is just suffocating , no matter how much one may like him.”
“If his clinginess bothers you, I can make your bed.” Ivy said. “The sheets have been dry for some time.”
“There is no need to burden yourself.” Zelkov said. Ivy and Kagetsu both smirked at what was being left unsaid.
“Alright. I suppose you will continue your punishment, though I doubt you view it as such anymore.”
“It is somewhat less agonizing than I predicted.” Zelkov said. Then he broke character with a tiny laugh. “It is not so bad. Had I been alone in my illness, I do think I would never relent to rest.”
“Well, good.” Ivy pressed her hand to Zelkov’s forehead. “And I do believe your fever’s broken.”
“Yes. I can probably-”
“No, you are to stay in bed until you are fully recovered.”
“...Yes, Princess Ivy.”
*
Ivy had the mind to scold Kagetsu and Zelkov when they barged into her room the next day, and was about to, but she could tell instantly that they were feeling better.
“Ivy, Ivy, look!” Kagetsu shouted, and promptly did a handstand. “I can- whoa!” His arms wobbled and he fell over. “Ow… I cannot do that yet.”
Zelkov picked Kagetsu back up. “Our fevers dissipated around the same time. We took the liberty of another wash and a hearty meal, and we are ready to return to our duties.” They stood up straight and put their arms over each other’s shoulders, looking so dorky and excited like schoolboys on their first day returning to class. It was hard to believe others, before knowing them, tended to find their appearances intimidating.
“I had no work planned for either of you today, or really myself for that matter.” Ivy admitted. “Oh, wait… Kagetsu, I do think we agreed you’d take care of the chores.”
Kagetsu wailed in despair.
“But maybe that can wait for tomorrow. You two can go off the clock today - a reward for eventually being good patients.”
Kagetsu cheered and tried to do another handstand, but messed that one up too, nearly kicking Zelkov in the face.
“How kind of you, Princess Ivy.” Zelkov said sincerely. “We shall enjoy our day together with gratitude .”
“Together?”
“Never you mind . Please do find us if you need anything.” Zelkov bowed and left, and Kagetsu ran after him, boundless in his energy after keeping it at bay for several days.
It seemed her two retainers bonded even more than she thought while in bed sick. Ivy, in her playful desire to punish them, may have played the matchmaker.