Work Text:
Chris bowed his head, feeling the leather of the steering wheel against his forehead. His knuckles had turned white from his strained grip. He let out his breath like a whistle, the whooshing it made strangely calming. He raised his head, and through the windshield was the Washington family home. It hadn’t changed a bit. There were the same white picket fences, trimmed hedges, and stoned path leading to a massive alabaster archway– seriously, who needed a front door that big? Chris, who'd moved out of his parent’s basement the first chance he got, understood why Josh hadn’t done the same.
Chris never thought he’d have returned. He and Josh broke contact after his prank gone awry on that awful night. He didn't know what he would even say now that he was there. Hey, I’m sorry for leaving you to die? It wasn't until he’d received a voicemail a week prior that he, perhaps foolishly, decided it was time to seek closure. At least, that's what he thought he was after.
Hey, uh Chris. I know it's been a good while. I… wanted to apologize… for everything. I shouldn't have wrapped you up in that stupid prank I pulled. I shouldn't even have invited everyone back to the mountain at all. I know I’ve hurt you so much, and I really truly get if you never wanna see my face again, but I've been trying real hard to make amends to everyone I’ve hurt. I know I’ll never be able to make up for… all the crazy shit I did, but I really am so sorry, Chris. It’d been around the tenth time he’d listened to it, no idea why. It was nice hearing a familiar voice, he supposed.
After fifteen minutes of psyching himself up like an idiot, Chris finally slammed the door of his beat up car, walking down the path and up to the door, pressing his thumb to the door bell. As he waited, he rubbed his hands together, attempting to rid his palms of their sweat but failing. His legs shifted their weight back and forth.
One moment Chris was looking at the ground, the next his head raised to the door sliding open. Beyond the way-too-large door was Josh Washington, in the flesh. They both took a moment to take the other in. Josh had his same dark hair, striking blue eyes–like those of a puppy-dog–and thin upturned lips. The exhaustion ever present after his sisters passed, however, was lessened. He seemed lighter.
After their uncomfortable beat of silence, Josh spoke up. “Oh, Chris! Uh, hey.” His smile, though awkward, was the most genuine he’d seen in a long while. There was surprise, excitement, and embarrassment all mixed into one, and Chris was sure his own was quite similar.
“Hey, Josh. Is it okay if I come in?”
“Yeah! Yeah, of course.” Josh leaned back against the door, extending an arm for Chris to let himself inside. Once shut behind them, Josh led them up the stairs to his room.
“Same ol’ place?”
“Yep, figured I'd stay here for the time being. Folks don't mind it, thankfully.”
No, kidding. Chris thought what couldn't be said aloud. Josh was the only one they had left.
“How are you doing though? You finish school this year, right?”
“Yep, almost done.”
“Comp Sci still?”
“Yeah.”
“You’ll be making that app of yours in no time, then.”
“I hope so.” Chris remained jovial, but in the back of his mind he was surprised Josh still remembered.
They stepped into Josh’s room, which might as well have been its own apartment. Hell, if he was in the city he’d be paying almost 1k a month for half of it. The room was decorated with film memorabilia, new and old. Chris recognized the wall of iconic horror masks Josh began collecting when they were in high school, starting with his dad’s old stuff. Chris frowned a bit at the memories of the Psycho mask–it was no wonder where Josh’s inspiration came from. A fonder memory crossed his mind, however–the free periods where the two of them placed bids on everything from posters, props, to the reels of the movies themselves using Josh’s laptop. Chris was so jealous back then, his mom barely making enough money to afford groceries, let alone have enough for him to get a computer. He still made due with the ones at school, and whenever Josh let him use his own.
“Can I getcha anything?” Josh asked as he opened his mini fridge.
“I’m okay, thanks.” Chris continued rubbing his palms together.
Josh grabbed two cokes and tossed one to Chris (who caught it despite his lack of agility). “I know you're just saying that.” He winked.
Chris chuckled. “Touché.” He unscrewed the cap and took a swig.
They both sat down on Josh’s couch, not too close, not too far apart.
“So…I’m assuming you got my message?”
“I did.” Chris couldn't stop his leg from bouncing, as his gaze moved from down at his lap to up at Josh, just slightly past him, too afraid to meet his eyes.
“Do you want to talk about it, or should I?”
“What…uh, what would you like?”
“It's up to you. I know you came here for a reason, so ask away.”
“Alright.” Chris looked back down, legs still shaking. Once prepared, he finally held eye contact with Josh because he thought the guy deserved that at the very least. “Why did you stop taking your meds? Last time we talked, well before everything, you said they were working.”
“Just going right into it, eh? That's good.” Josh paused to look forward, thinking. “They did work, at least for a little while, but the symptoms got so much worse. Turns out I was supposed to get my dose lowered but my sessions were over by then. So instead of doing the smart thing, like calling up my psych, I just… stopped. I convinced myself I was fine without them. That I needed to… feel the hurt. I needed… to be punished, y’know, for falling asleep that night, so drunk off my ass that I couldn't save Beth and Han. It went from thinking like that, to having outright delusions from my med withdrawal. The fantasy of getting revenge on everyone was something I indulged in to cope with it. Instead of just keeping that shit in my head though, I convinced myself I should carry it out.”
Josh paused for a moment, leaning over to cup his face and taking a breath.
“It became really hard to distinguish what was real and what wasn't. It’s like I was in fuckin’ dreamland or something, just going through the motions. I didn't feel like myself, but I also felt that rush, kinda like a drug. I can't even remember most of it now, especially with all the other crazy shit that went on…Chris… man… I'm just so sorry. Sorry I keep sayin’ it but I just don't know what to do except say that.”
“It's okay, Josh. Really. I know you were going through a lot and not all… not all there. I’m sorry I couldn't help you before, I mean, I wish I’d seen it, I feel like a horrible friend-”
“Hey, stop that. You couldn't have known. I was committed to maintaining this wall between myself and everyone. Sure, there were cracks, but not enough for you to have known. You’re not psychic, unless there’s something you’re not tellin’ me.” They both looked at each other, eyes squinting as they chuckled, before Josh’s posture straightened again.
“I wanted to be what I thought you all wanted me to be: the same happy go lucky Josh, rollin’ with the punches, doing a-ok and overcoming his grief!” He uses that same, almost manic, demeanor, now more of a mocking tool than anything. There was a glimmer of sadness behind his eyes, though, and Chris could tell he was on the verge of crying.
Before he could register he was doing so, Chris adjusted his position on the couch closer to Josh, wrapping his arms around him. The other man tensed at first, but then slowly relaxed into the hug. Despite being knowing each other for as long as they had, Chris and Josh rarely hugged, and if so it'd be a light bro hug. Chris heard a soft sniffle and a hitch of his breath. “Fuck, I’m sorry-” Josh pulled his weight from the embrace, his instinct to flee, but Chris squeezed him tighter.
“No, it’s okay. Just…let it out.”
Chris didn’t know what he was doing. He wasn’t a therapist. Hell, he probably needed therapy himself. But he wanted to be there for Josh, maybe in some guilt-filled way since he couldn’t before, but it was more than that. He wanted them to be, well them again. He lacked companionship this past year, refusing to let himself get roped into anything but classes and work at the computing center on campus. The routine was enough to keep him distracted from his failing relationship and the godawful shit he couldn't stop seeing the second he closed his eyes. His recurring nightmares always had the same basis: Chris trapped in a body that wasn't his own, consuming rotten flesh. Sometimes it was the body of the Stranger, sometimes Ash, sometimes Josh himself. It's like he could never leave. His body was physically gone from the place but his mind? It was trapped.
It was surreal, having Josh’s body in his arms without fatal consequences. As Josh’s tears soaked the shoulder of Chris's hoodie, he’d felt his own he tried to blink away, but they’d streaked down cheeks to his lips, accidentally touching his tongue to their salt. Josh’s anguished wails were reminiscent of the terrorized screams his resting mind fabricated, though these were of a lower and guttural resonance that felt more realized and less of a reflected reality.
Josh sunk further into Chris’s arms, pressing their chests flush together. To support the weight of him, Chris leaned back and the two were in a lying position, not dissimilar to cuddling, just this being of a less tender fashion.
He didn't feel burdened, in some way he felt… cathartic? Just having another person's weight on him again was freeing. He didn't want to stop it, but he knew it would. That this was a temporary moment of weakness for Josh and then after this they'd forget all about it and go their separate ways. What was he even doing?
“I'm so sorry…about leaving you. I wish I'd done something more. I was a coward.”
“I mean…” Josh croaked. “You had every right to leave my ass there.”
“I thought you were dead. I couldn't even think straight, I was so worried when they came back without you. And when they said they'd found you, I got so excited but then everything dawned on me and I just… ran away. From everything. I couldn't face it. I failed you.”
“If anything, I failed you. I made you a part of something you had nothing to do with and for what? To force you to do something you didn't wanna do? I was a shit friend. I’m so sorry.”
“Guess we both royally fucked up in different ways then. I’d say this just makes us even.”
They laughed through tears, slowly letting each other go, like they both didn’t want to but had to.
“Might be inappropriate to ask but, you and Ash… Are you guys?”
“It's over. It didn't really last very long, I’ll be honest. We haven't spoken in months.”
“Oh, shit man. I’m sorry.”
“No you're… it's not your fault. If anything, your side of things probably did bring us together… Then it made me realize it wouldn't have worked, monsters or no.”
“Oh…?”
“She's great and all, but she's been through a lot. We just didn't align. Happens.” Chris shrugged, trying to be as vague as he could without giving away the full truth as to why Ash dumped him.
You're still hung up on this, aren't you? Don't you know what he did to me? Did to us? Ashley had said that to him when Chris had spent the night calling the Washingtons to find out where Josh had been in recovery around a year ago. He never ended up visiting out of fear of what she would say.
As the months passed, he noticed her pulling away. Maybe it was Chris who was, he realized in hindsight. He didn’t really try to repair things, too caught up in himself. After not seeing one another for a week, she’d called him up to meet her at a cafe. The moment he’d gotten her invite, he knew it was the end. I can't do this anymore, Chris, she’d said, fidgeting with the sleeves of her hoodie as she looked anywhere but in his direction. I feel like I’m still on the mountain. I can't see your face without thinking about it… about everything. I’m sorry.
“She didn't answer my calls,” Josh said. “Can't blame her. It was fucked up, what I did.”
“She did stab you in the shoulder, didn't she? Least she got some sort of payback.”
“Hurt like hell. Still have the scar if you wanna see.”
“Invite me to dinner first, why don't you? You were just gonna rip your shirt off the minute you invited me up to your bedroom?”
“The crying bit stopped working on you? Thought you had a thing for that.”
“I do not!” Chris playfully shoved Josh away.
Josh tilted his head to the side, cheeky grin on his face, and a glint in his eyes.
Chris relented. “Fine. Fine. Maybe a little. Or maybe, I did. I’m a changed man now.”
“Yeah? And what's your type now then?”
“I… uh… I dunno. I don't think I’m ready for that, at least not with someone I wasn't already… uh, nevermind.”
“Weren't what?” Josh leaned in dangerously close, voice low.
“Friends with. Like someone I knew I could trust, is all.” Chris knew he was blushing. “Josh, I got a question.”
“Yeah, Cochise?”
“Are you into guys? I mean, I’m just curious, is all.”
“Doesn't seem the only thing you're curious about.” Josh raised his brows. “But yeah, I like guys. Girls too. I don't discriminate.” He winks. “How bout you?”
“Same. I think. I mean I always knew I liked girls but…”
“But what?”
“I think I like you. Think I have for a while actually.”
Josh’s cheeky grin fell. He was dead silent. No quips, only shock.
“You’re serious?”
“I wouldn’t joke about something like that. Listen, I don’t want anything from you. I think it’d be impulsive to just jump into something right now considering, well, everything but… I thought you deserved to know.”
“Well, you’re not alone in that. Me too. Always have, really.”
Chris was shocked. “Really? How do you define ‘always’?”
“Well, I never realized that's what it was, but every time you'd have a crush on a girl I’d get wicked jealous.”
“Even Ashley?”
“Well yeah. Obviously I wasn't in my right mind then, but I can’t deny a little of what I did was out of jealousy. Revenge too, I guess. I was so angry about her being a part of the prank.”
“Learning the extent of what happened… yeah I can see that.”
“Obviously what happened was going to happen sooner or later so I can't blame her…It's taken a while to accept that it's no one's fault, even mine. Just a shit situation. And I really am sorry things didn't work out with her, man, not just sayin’ that. Totally get it if it's too early for you to jump into something else. I'm glad you know now though.”
“Agreed, but… I want to spend more time with you, I mean if you’re okay with that. I’m sorry for just… abandoning you like I did. I think I needed time to just understand everything.” Chris sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I think I need even more time to at least try and get some help, with everything that happened. Not sure if any therapist would believe me, is the thing.”
“I mean… I’m here for you, if you ever need to talk about that stuff. As someone who’s done therapy for a good while, I highly recommend. Not the end all be all or whatever, but I think it's better than just ignoring it. Take it from me.”
“I’m afraid of the process I guess. Finding someone who doesn't think I’m crazy.”
“Hey, I can help with that. I’ve been through so many through the years that I can give easy recommendations. Or at least, where to start. And if it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t work out. Just try again. It’s really worth it when you do get there, though.”
“I’ll keep that in mind. Thanks. I dunno if I would’ve if I hadn’t come here.”
“‘Course. Thanks again for hearing me out.”
“I… is it okay to hug you again? I, uh, really liked that. Y’know, minus the tears of course.”
“Suuuuuure.” Josh rolled his eyes as he pulled Chris into a firm hug. “You don't need to ask.” He whispered once they were in a tight embrace.
Chris could feel his heart racing, his throat dry as he swallowed. This was new to him, and he was still reeling from their mutual confession.
They remained in each other’s arms, their breathing the only audible noise.
Chris was the first to pull away. He didn't want to but he was also intent on taking things slow, and if he didn't stop now he might've just tackled the guy and started making out with him.
“This was nice. Would you want to, I dunno, get dinner sometime?”
“Why, yes. Yes I would.” Josh smiled as he patted Chris’s shoulder and walked him to the door.
Chris drove away, stunned from what occurred, but riding an anxious high of having his feelings reciprocated. I guess we’ll see where this goes.