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Moon really wasn’t sure what to do with Chime these days, and told Jade as much. “He’s just been really annoying.” Annoying in this case meant clingy and aloof by unpredictable turns, and also (something Moon wasn’t about to tell Jade) pestering him about clutches.
Moon was lying back against Jade’s stomach. She was in her Arbora form, with her tail entwined possessively with one of his legs. She trailed a clawed hand through his hair, scraping gently along the back of his neck as she bared it for a quick nip.
“It’s Chime. If you don’t find out what it’s about, he’ll just keep sulking.”
“Yeah...” Moon’s efforts to-date had consisted of asking (growling, really) ‘what’s with you?’. Somehow that hadn’t yielded much for results.
“Then maybe you should do that.” She nipped him again. “I don’t want to have to deal with you being cranky because of Chime.”
He turned around. She was right, of course, but... “Later?”
“Later,” she agreed, growling happily as he ran a hand over her more sensitive scales...
Figuring out who to ask about Chime was tricky without having some idea of what it was about. Balm admitted she had noticed something was off, but he hadn’t really been pestering her the same way. “He’s sulking about something,” was the most useful contribution she had. Well, great, he’d already known that much.
Heart wasn’t much help either. Moon had wondered vaguely if this was something about Chime’s change - about how he used to be a mentor. That was a few turns ago now, but that hardly meant he was over it. The occasional ‘insights’ he’d been having about magic since their trip to recover the colony tree’s seed probably didn’t help matters, especially since no one, including Chime, seemed to understand what was happening. Moon doubted he’d talked to Heart about it, if he hadn’t said anything to Flower when he had a chance, but it was possible she might have noticed something anyway.
He’d found Heart trying to organize some of the younger mentors into rearranging the library. When they’d moved in initially they hadn’t been sure they would been staying, and books were put away with the thought that they could be fixed up later, if it mattered. Well, now it was later, apparently. “I don’t know,” she’d answered when Moon asked her about Chime’s weird behaviour. “He said he would give us a hand down here, but I don’t think he likes how I’m doing things.” She shrugged apologetically. They both knew that if he hadn’t changed, he’d have been the one leading the project. “Maybe that’s just him being snappish, like you said though.” She sounded a little hopeful at the prospect, which couldn’t be a good sign. “If it is something else, though, I’m sure it can’t be helping.”
His next recourse was to check with his clutchmates. Bell was easier to find, and Moon got along a little better with him anyway. The trick was to get through the nursery without getting ambushed by his adopted clutch. He just about made it through, but he spied Bitter and Thorn climbing up the side of the chamber near one of the little fountain pools. Frost, luckily, wasn’t anywhere to be seen, and the two little consorts were placated with a wave before they went back to their game. This seemed to involve seeing how high they could climb in groundling form, then jumping and shifting at the last minute to glide above the shallow water without splashing into it. Moon’s wave alerted Bead to their game, and she scrambled towards them with an alarmed look, trailing a pair of Arbora toddlers in her wake.
He eventually found Bell in one of the larger rooms off the central chamber, with a circle of older children gathered around him, listening with varying levels of concentration and boredom. The teacher role apparently was more than just making sure the kids didn’t hurt themselves - this was just one more thing Moon had missed out on, not having grown up in a court... And one more reminder of how little he still knew about his own people. He couldn’t even read the Raksuran language.
Today’s lesson, apparently expounding on some of the court’s lineages, seemed to be wrapping up. This was good, as it would give Moon a chance to talk to Bell without either interrupting or wasting too much of his own time, but part of him would have liked the excuse to listen in a little more. He briefly considered the idea of asking Bell or one of the other teachers if he could sit in on some of the other lessons - but no, that would be awkward and embarrassing for everyone. He’d much rather continue to muddle through his ignorance on his own.
The young Arbora eyed him as they filed by, but Moon just shrugged and pushed past them to where Bell was apparently waiting to see what he wanted.
“I wanted to ask you about Chime,” Moon started once they were alone. “He’s been acting funny.” He paused as Bell raised his eyebrows, and added, “I mean, funny for Chime.”
Bell gave him a thoughtful look. “Funny how?”
“Extra moody, I guess.” Moon hesitated before continuing. “He keeps asking me if I’ve got a clutch yet too.”
At that, Bell sighed. “That’s what I figured. I told him a while ago that Bark and I have been thinking about having a clutch...” He smiled, but it was a little bittersweet. “This place needs filling up.”
Moon hadn’t known Chime before his change. It wasn’t that he ever forgot (Chime made that nearly impossible, being unable to let go of it himself), but the differences between his life before and after were a little more tenuous for Moon to grasp. He still felt like an idiot - he knew all Arbora could have clutches, but consorts and queens were the only Aeriat who were fertile. He’d just never made that connection with Chime having changed from one state to the other, and he still wasn’t really sure how to take it. “Is he jealous?”
Bell shrugged. “He’s been avoiding me. I have no idea what he’s thinking, but it’s Chime. I doubt it’s that straightforward.”
Well, Chime hadn’t been avoiding him, at least. Maybe because Moon had never given him a straight answer about Jade. “Great. Thanks.” Moon wasn’t sure he sounded as sincere as he’d meant to, but Bell just snorted.
“If he does pull his head out of his ass, tell him to come see me.”
Moon nodded, and headed back out into the teachers’ hall. “I will.”
Knowing what was going on with Chime didn’t give Moon any insight into what to do about it, and he wasn’t sure anyone else would have any either. No one had ever seen what happened to him before, not even Stone. Moon wasn’t exactly sure how old Stone was, only that he’d left the colony tree on the initial outward migration over seven generations ago. Still, Moon couldn’t think of anyone else to ask. Jade, at least, had enough things to worry about on her own.
Tracking Stone down wasn’t too hard either. Although most of the court was still mostly living out of the sprawling teacher’s levels, they’d been busy on the rest of the tree: clearing the gardens was the main project, but they’d also spent some time fixing the interior fountains and cleaning out old bowers for future use. Stone spent a lot of his time up in the old consort hall, though Moon wasn’t entirely sure what he was doing up there. Probably just being old and cranky. That was where he was this afternoon too, watching the light rain trickle down through the colony tree’s thick canopy to water the gardens below. He glanced over curiously as Moon approached and shifted back to groundling after the short climb up from the queen’s chambers.
“Can I ask you something?”
Stone raised his eyebrows slightly, expression as unreadable as ever. “You can ask,” he answered dryly, gazing back out at the view.
Moon wasn’t quite sure how to phrase the question, but his general annoyance at Stone’s inscrutability made him frown. “It’s about warriors. Does the fact that they can’t get clutches ever make them go crazy?”
Stone turned to face him again, apparently taking this more seriously. “This isn’t about River, is it?”
Moon snorted. River resented Moon’s position as first consort, but that was old news. As long as the warrior remained Pearl’s favourite, things remained in some kind of social stalemate. “I can handle River. This is about Chime.”
“You think Chime’s going crazy?”
“I know he’s driving me crazy. Close enough?”
Stone frowned, as if thinking about something from long ago. “Sometimes those who are born in royal clutches, male and female, fight with the feeling that they’re defective somehow - I don’t know about crazy. Definitely some warriors wish they could have their own clutches. But that’s not Chime.”
“It’s not the same, I know.” Chime knew what he was missing. “I just don’t know what to do about it. Usually he’s going on about how he’s not a mentor anymore. There’s nothing I can do about that, either, but this is different.”
“Because you can have clutches?” Stone paused for a beat. “In theory?”
“Oh, shut up.” It was becoming difficult to remember why he’d thought this was a good idea.
“Moon, why are you talking to me about this?” Apparently Stone was thinking the same thing.
He threw up his hands. “I have no idea.” He’d meant to leave, but Stone put a hand on his shoulder and Moon wasn’t sure he could shake him off even if he thought it would be a good idea. He didn’t, particularly.
“When Chime was a mentor, everyone respected him. We all assumed he’d be the one to take over for Flower. When he changed, no one knew what to make of him any more.”
Moon scowled - he knew all that. Well, he had sort of known it. “Jade said people see him as one of my favourites.” The extent of the assumptions people were making there wasn’t something he’d quite worked out, nor was he sure if he was thought to have any other favourites.
“Mmhmm.” Stone’s tone said for him that he knew Moon had no idea what exactly that meant. “You like Chime?”
“Usually,” Moon grumbled. Stone gave him a look. “Yeah,” he amended.
“Chime needs you. Go talk to him.”
“I don’t know what to say!”
Stone gave him a more or less affectionate shake before letting him go. “So listen.”
Chime wasn’t in any of the places where Moon looked for him at first. He showed up at the afternoon meal, but Moon was sitting with Jade, and it seemed like a bad time to try and confront him anyway. The best he was able to manage was to notice when Chime slunk away after eating very little, back towards the bowers. And that’s where Moon eventually tracked him down - hiding in his bed.
If Chime heard him enter, he didn’t say anything, probably hoping that no one would realize he was there. Well, Moon was much too stubborn for that. “Chime?”
“Go away, Moon.” He mostly sounded resigned and despondent.
“Not gonna happen. You can come down, or I’m coming up.”
The only response he got to that was a hiss, and Chime didn’t even poke his head over the side of the basket. Moon shrugged - this was about what he’d expected. He could have climbed up in groundling, but his point might be better made otherwise. Instead, he shifted and jumped to the edge of the suspended basket, pulling himself inside. The basket spun lazily in response to the impact, but it had been grown from the tree to support multiple Raksura. Moon’s weight barely even canted it.
Chime had apparently been expecting this tactic. He was in his Raksuran form too, half crouched between a pile of pillows and a soft fur blanket. His spines were all extended, but they drooped when Moon glared down at him and he shifted back to groundling. Moon climbed in across from him, shifting as well, and the two sat that way for a moment before Chime crossed his arms and glared at his knees. “What do you want, then?”
Moon still wasn’t sure what to say here. Listening was only going to work if he could get Chime to talk. But he may as well put things out on the table. “I talked to Bell,” he started, and watched Chime deflate, hiding his head on his knees. They sat that way for a minute longer, Moon resisting the urge to shake Chime until words came out. Well, if he wasn’t going to physically shake him, he might as well say something to provoke him. “You’re not jealous, are you?”
At that Chime looked up, bristling, and hissed at him again. “No. It’s not like that.”
“Then what’s it like?” Moon stretched out, arranging the pillows around him to make it clear he wasn’t going anywhere just yet.
“I just... I knew, after I changed. I knew, if it was permanent, that I wasn’t going to be able to have clutches. But I missed my powers more then, maybe? And it didn’t seem to matter, because no one wanted me anyway.” The bitterness of the last statement was almost palpable.
“And now it’s more on your mind?”
“I guess. I always wanted kids, just...eventually? And now it’s never, and I feel like I missed my chance. And like... maybe if I had, too, it would have happened to someone else.” He sighed, gesturing vaguely. “Not that I’d wish this on anyone else.”
“It’s the opposite for me, you know. I always assumed I would never have kids.” And that even if he could, he probably shouldn’t, but that didn’t seem worth adding. “Family was always something everyone else had. Any kind of family. I know what it’s like to want that, and think you can’t have it.”
“But that all changed...”
“Yeah, it all changed. I’m not gonna lie, Chime, or pretend it isn’t a big deal for me. I really want this. If someone were to come up to me tomorrow and say ‘Oh, we’re sorry, there’s been some mistake’... Well, they’d better hope they could run fast.” It was a scenario that passed through Moon’s head often enough that he more or less knew how he would react. It wouldn’t be pretty. “But it’s not just about having kids, clutches of my own.”
Moon gave Chime a little bit to think about that.
“Family is more than that.” He had been thinking of the fledglings from Sky Copper, but there was more to it. There were definitely some things about family that Moon struggled with, but he valued what he’d found all the more because he’d had those fights. “It’s having people you care about, that you want to see taken care of. Protected.” When Moon first came to Indigo Cloud, he thought he would be a warrior, helping out because they needed an extra hand against the Fell. His role here now was much different from what he’d imagined, and the reasons that he would fight to protect the colony were much more personal. “I wasn’t born here... But you’re my family now.” At least, he hoped so.
Chime nodded, even smiling a little, but he was clearly still depressed. “I’m glad, but... still.”
“I know it doesn’t fix everything. But it isn’t like you don’t have anything else to pass on. I’m glad my children will have you to look up to - Bell probably feels the same.”
“That does help a little.” Chime sighed, uncurling enough to sit up properly. “I know I’ve been a pain lately, I just... needed some time. I still need a little time.”
Moon snorted at that. “Chime, if we let you, you would hide away forever.”
Chime’s glare was proof that things were on the upswing for the moment, but he sighed again. “Maybe,” he admitted, then added more hopefully, “Will you stay with me a bit?”
“Are you gonna stop being an ass?” Moon meant it in the nicest way possible, of course.
“I’ll try.”
That would do for now. Moon nodded, and even lifted an arm so that Chime could curl up on top of him, closing his eyes. Now that he knew what was wrong he could put up with a little clingyness. It was the sort of thing you did for family.