Work Text:
“Will you get off that stupid app?”
“Huh?” Arizona looked up from her phone at Alex from across the cafeteria table and rolled her eyes at the stupid grin on his face. “Shut up,” she muttered. “I just- Carina already moved on and I-”
“Why do you care so much about what she’s doing?” Alex interrupted. “It’s not like she moved on to anything better; she moved on to Hunt.”
Arizona finally let out a laugh at that and shut her phone off, reaching for her cup of coffee. “Look, I haven’t mentioned this to April or Teddy or anyone, but I kind of screwed up, okay?”
Alex just looked at her skeptically for a moment, and that was all it took for her to continue talking. “Callie- Callie knew I was dating someone when I was dating Eliza. So when she sent her and Penny’s wedding invitations, I got a plus one.”
“And you never told her Eliza left you?” Alex wondered.
“No! No,” Arizona said quickly. “She’s in a happy relationship and she’s getting married and I just- I feel like if I show up with no one, it’s like I lost.”
Alex rolled his eyes again. “Dude, this isn’t a game.”
“I know but I just-” She cut herself off. “Either way, it was fine. I had Carina, and now I don’t have Carina and-”
“You’re swiping on Tinder to find some stranger to bring to New York with you for a weekend,” Alex finished for her, finally able to put the pieces together throughout all of her ramblings. “Aren’t you worried about getting murdered or something?”
“I don’t know,” she admitted. “I haven’t gotten that far.”
“Just ask someone from here,” he shrugged. “I’m sure there’s a million women in this hospital that would love to play girlfriends with you for a weekend.”
Arizona scoffed at that. Maybe a decade ago that would’ve been true. She was older now, her body was different, and according to the residents, she had a reputation. Dating within the walls of the hospital wasn’t easy anymore, let alone fake dating for a weekend. “Like who?”
“I don’t know,” Alex shrugged. “I have to go. Shepherd’s helping me with a peds case, but just don’t be dumb, okay? You’ll end up meeting a weirdo on there.”
“Wait.” Arizona paused. “Shepherd?”
“Yeah,” Alex shrugged. “I’ll see you later.”
Arizona ended up retreating back up to her office, a fresh cup of coffee in her hand as she let herself get lost in her thoughts and Alex’s mention of Amelia. Asking someone at the hospital had crossed her mind, but it never occurred to her to ask Amelia.
The more she sat with it as she got some scheduling done for her department, the more she realized that asking Amelia might be the perfect idea. Callie knew they had history, so it’d be completely believable. Plus, they definitely had some sort of chemistry. Dr. Herman had called them out on it years ago, and as much as they joked about it, it was true.
Most importantly, spending a weekend with Amelia in New York certainly didn’t sound like the worst thing in the world. She was a familiar face, Sofia loved her, and they could skip most of the awkwardness. It was only a matter of tracking her down and convincing her, and Arizona was really hopeful that it wouldn’t take much convincing.
By the time she’d wrapped up work and was heading out to pick up Sofia, she’d managed to convince herself to ask Amelia and make herself extremely nervous all within the span of an hour, and her nervousness only grew bigger when she caught the same elevator as Amelia on her way out.
“Leaving already?” Amelia wondered.
“Just picking up Sofia from school,” she quickly explained. "Hey, I might need a favor. It’s- it’s a big favor, but I screwed up and ran out of time and-”
“Is this about you needing a fake date to Callie’s wedding next weekend?” Amelia cut her off, giving her a smile that was somewhere in the middle of sympathetic and teasing. Arizona’s eyes grew wide in surprise that she already knew, and Amelia quickly explained herself. “Alex told me this afternoon,” she said quickly. “He’s just worried about you.”
“Oh.” Arizona’s expression softened at that as the elevator door opened. They both stepped out into the lobby before she continued.
“For the record, if you’re asking me, I’d love to,” Amelia said seriously. “Talk about it later?”
Arizona let out a sigh of relief, mainly relieved that she could be done swiping on Tinder, but also glad that Amelia hadn’t made it awkward or embarrassing for her at all. “Yeah,” she grinned. “Come over after you’re off? I’ll cook dinner.”
“Sure,” Amelia grinned.
By the time Amelia got to Arizona’s, it was a little past 9:30, and Arizona was relieved that after a long phone call with Callie, Sofia was sound asleep. She ended up making them some fried rice with some leftovers and vegetables she had in the fridge, and she was just about to put it into bowls when Amelia rang the doorbell.
“Hey,” Amelia smiled softly once she opened the door, and she slipped her shoes off once she was inside, following Arizona into the kitchen. “I’m not surprised you actually cooked, but I am surprised you made an entire meal,” she said seriously. “It’s almost ten, you didn’t have to do all of this.”
“It’s just leftovers I threw together,” Arizona reassured her. “I promise.”
They sat at the kitchen table and ate while Arizona bought plane tickets for all three of them on her laptop, and Arizona was just about to look up hotels when she remembered she still hadn’t texted Callie back from earlier in the evening. “That reminds me, I need to answer Callie’s text,” she said, standing up to get her phone from where she’d left it on the kitchen counter.
“About what?”
“Sofia wants to stay at the house, so she offered us her guest bedroom,” She shrugged. “I meant to tell her no hours ago.”
“Why are you telling her no?” Amelia asked. “It keeps you close to Sofia. I don’t mind,” she shrugged.
Arizona just stared at her for a moment, trying to decide if she should argue. This weekend already felt unfair enough to Amelia, and the last thing she wanted to was extend it to a point where they couldn’t spend a single second not faking it. She knew it wasn’t going to be hard for her to fake being Amelia’s girlfriend. They’d already been real girlfriends 15 years ago, and not much about Amelia had changed since then; she was still incredibly thoughtful and charming, and Arizona was still drawn to her energy all these years later.
She was really just worried about whether or not Amelia would want to spend any more time with her than she absolutely had to. Arizona felt very different than she was 15 years ago, and she knew that Amelia couldn’t possibly feel the same about her now. Amelia was already doing her a huge favor by agreeing to this, and she didn’t want to ask anything else of her.
“Arizona, I would rather stay at Callie’s and get to spend more time with you than spend the weekend in separate hotel rooms,” Amelia said seriously, grinning at the embarrassed look on Arizona’s face once she realized she’d taken too long to say anything back.
“Really?”
“You think I would’ve agreed to this if I didn’t like hanging out with you?” Amelia teased. “It’s not a big deal. I don’t mind sharing a bed for the weekend.”
“Okay,” Arizona finally said, breathing out a sigh of relief. She ended up typing out a quick message back to Callie and left her phone on the counter before she settled back into her spot across from Amelia at the table.
“Seriously, the only thing we need to figure out is when we started fake-dating each other," Amelia shrugged, smiling at the amused grin on Arizona’s face. “If I’m doing all this with you, I’m making sure it’s believable.” She paused for a second, eyes growing wide. “Do you think we should- do we need to…practice?”
“Practice what?”
“I don’t know, kissing and holding hands and stuff like that,” she shrugged, grinning when Arizona’s face immediately flushed bright red. “Okay, we definitely need to practice.”
“No, we don’t,” Arizona protested. “I didn’t forget how to kiss you, I promise.”
“Good.” Amelia winked at her, and she just grinned, shaking her head in embarrassment at how nervous Amelia could make her sometimes.
“This is the first of probably 200 times you’re going to hear this over the next week, but thank you,” Arizona said seriously. “And I’m just- I’m glad it’s you that I get to spend time with.”
“Me, too.”
The rest of the week was a whirlwind between work and figuring out the rest of their plans for the weekend. Amelia had lied her way into going dress shopping with Arizona one morning when they were both off work. She claimed she needed to find something to wear too, but once they got there, she sheepishly admitted she already had a black pantsuit that would work, and that she just knew Arizona wouldn’t want to go by herself. Arizona ended up being really grateful for the company and that Amelia could offer her opinion on what kind of dress would be appropriate to wear to your ex-wife’s wedding.
She also wasn’t mad about the fact that they ended up color coordinating, and she tried to ignore the butterflies that swirled through her chest when Amelia said something along the lines of, “We’ll be the hottest couple there—aside from the brides.”
Early Friday morning arrived much faster than Arizona would’ve liked. They had a 7:30 a.m. flight, which meant they had to be at the airport no later than 5:30, according to Arizona. She was incredibly grateful when Amelia showed up with coffee for both of them and bagels for all three of them. She didn’t expect to be glad that Amelia was there during the car ride and their wait at the airport, but Amelia did an amazing job of keeping Sofia in a good mood despite how sleepy she was, and that helped calm Arizona’s own anxiety quite a bit. She was also so relieved that Sofia already knew Amelia as Zola’s aunt. It saved them from any awkward introductions, and Sofia just figured that Amelia had been invited to her mom’s wedding because they were friends. Arizona felt a lot better that Sofia was comfortable and that she didn’t feel like she was lying to her daughter.
By the time they boarded, she felt like she was concealing her anxiety pretty well. Luckily, Sofia was too young to pick up on it, and if Amelia noticed, she wasn’t drawing any attention to it.
"Mama, can I sit by the window?" Sofia asked as they walked down the aisle to their row on the plane. Arizona put her hand on Sofia's shoulder to stop her from walking any further once they got to their row.
"I don't know babe," she said honestly. "That's Amelia's-"
"Of course you can, kiddo," Amelia said, placing her hand over Arizona's where she was holding onto the handle of her carry-on. "Sit down, I got them," she said, meeting her eyes to silently reassure her that she didn't have to protest.
Sofia and Arizona filtered into the window and middle seats and Amelia put all three of their carry-ons into the overhead bins before taking her spot next to Arizona.
Arizona helped Sofia get her iPad and headphones out of her backpack, and as soon as she was settled, Arizona felt her own nerves start to kick in a little bit more. Somehow, being in such close proximity to Amelia made it worse, in a way. She felt like concealing her anxiety for the entirety of the flight would only make her think about it more.
"Where's the wedding at?"Amelia asked, pulling her out of her thoughts.
"Um, some place called Little Owl," Arizona said distractedly. She was messing around with some of the bracelets on her wrist. It was a nervous habit, but it kept her grounded a little bit. "I think it's in The West Village. And then the rehearsal tonight is just at their house, I think.”
“I grew up around there," Amelia grinned. Her hand slid over the top of Arizona's and she gently squeezed it, almost as if she was asking if she could hold Arizona's hand.
Arizona felt herself fighting back and forth between wanting to take it and not wanting to show even an ounce of vulnerability around Amelia. She felt like even if she didn't show it, Amelia could still sense her anxiety, or at least assume that she should be anxious. Either way, it was a sweet gesture, and Arizona was glad that Amelia knew better than to say anything about it. Plus, they needed to get used to small amounts of physical contact like this anyway. She could practically see the relief in Amelia's eyes when she eventually took her hand. "I don't think you ever talked about it when we first met."
"I definitely didn't," Amelia chuckled. "I can tell you about it if you want," she shrugged. "I actually have a lot of good memories now that I'm not so..." she cut herself off, trying to find the right word, but Arizona knew exactly what she meant.
"Angry?"
"Yeah," Amelia breathed out. "Some of it is kind of nice to look back on.”
She spent a while telling Arizona every good story she could think of from when she was a kid. It got Arizona through takeoff and managed to calm her nerves enough that she almost forgot they were flying. Arizona had always just assumed she knew everything there was to know about Amelia; hearing new, happy stories about her childhood made her feel like she was getting to know a new person, and she loved getting to know this version of Amelia now.
By the time Amelia ran out of good stories, they were a little over an hour into their flight, and Arizona felt much calmer than she imagined she would, even calmer than she’d be if she was alone. Sofia had taken her headphones off once she got sleepy, and she ended up curling up on the seat and using Arizona’s forearm as a pillow on the armrest. Both of them spent a couple of minutes watching her sleep and stifling giggles at her light snores, and Arizona tried not to think about how perfect this all felt or how well Amelia fit into her and Sofia’s lives.
“Should we watch a movie?” Amelia eventually whispered, reaching into her backpack for her laptop. “I’m pretty sure I have the 1982 Annie downloaded.”
“Is that the only movie you have downloaded?” Arizona groaned.
“No,” Amelia shrugged. “But I know a ridiculous amount of fun facts about Annie and now I’m kind of determined to see how many more times I can make you laugh on this flight.” Just a hint of a smile tugged at the corners of her lips, and her eyes were practically pleading with Arizona to say yes.
“Fine,” Arizona said, smiling at the excitement on Amelia’s face. “Only if we can watch Mamma Mia after this.”
“Deal.”
Arizona was grateful that by the time they landed at JFK and made it to Callie and Penny’s condo in Midtown, they had a few hours to get settled and relax before the rehearsal dinner. Arizona had told Callie and Penny who she was “dating” a few days prior when they reached out asking for her name to put on her place card for the reception, and both of them said they’d seen it coming years ago. Callie mentioned it again and that they seemed perfect for each other once they’d arrived, and Arizona tried to ignore the butterflies that swirled through her chest when Amelia squeezed her hand and said, “I think so too,” pressing a kiss to her cheek after she said it. Yeah, Arizona was definitely going to have to get used to the whole physical contact thing. Maybe Amelia was right; they should’ve practiced.
Her only saving grace was that Sofia didn’t know about their “relationship”, so they could limit physical contact for the most part. They’d had a conversation about making their situation believable, and they both decided that small amounts of physical contact (holding hands, dancing together at the reception, and just general closeness) with Sofia around was fine. She knew they were friends and she’d known Amelia since she was two, so it wasn’t a big deal for her to see them together. Plus, she was too excited for her flower girl duties to focus on her moms anyway. Her perfect plan was for them to make their relationship completely believable for the weekend, and then a few months down the line when Arizona didn’t feel so insecure about still being single after her ex-wife was remarried, she’d offhandedly mention to Callie that she and Amelia realized they were incompatible. She was still so grateful that Amelia was such a willing participant in this plan and that they knew each other well enough for it to not be completely awkward.
Arizona, Amelia, and Sofia ended up walking to the bakery a few blocks away to pick up the dessert Callie and Penny ordered for their rehearsal dinner. They stopped at an old famous toy store on the way there, one that Derek always used to take Amelia to when they were growing up, and Amelia insisted that Sofia pick something out. She ended up deciding on a New York-themed puzzle that had way too many pieces for an eight-year-old to complete on her own (and way too expensive for Amelia to have paid for herself) but Arizona found it so special that Amelia wanted to share a part of her own childhood with Sofia.
They were back with just enough time to get ready, and Arizona found herself relaxed throughout the rehearsal. It started too quickly for Arizona to have to say hello to Callie’s dad or meet any of Penny’s family and she was grateful to temporarily put off any awkward hellos or introductions. Amelia was really good company, too. Dinner went well for the most part, too. She and Amelia tasked themselves with setting up the catered food and helping to serve it, and Penny’s family was incredibly kind and excited to meet her and Sofia. She didn’t feel like Callie’s ex-wife around them; she just felt like Sofia’s mom, and she was really glad they made her feel that way.
She was finally feeling good and even more relaxed as she sipped on her second glass of wine by the time the meal ended, and everyone had finally started migrating to the living room. She and Amelia were sitting on one end of the couch, close enough to make Arizona’s heart flutter a little bit. Her arm was draped over the back of the couch, just close enough to throw it over Amelia’s shoulder if she needed to, and she felt comfortable. They were pretty much in their own bubble, and it was making Arizona even more glad that she ended up finding a date. She would’ve felt really out of place if she was here alone.
They ended up talking about work; it was definitely the easiest thing for them to fall into conversation about, and after a little while passed, Callie’s dad ended up approaching them, sitting down on the edge of the coffee table across from them. “I can’t believe how big Sofia’s gotten since the last time I saw her,” he said with an endearing smile. “She’s already looking so grown up.”
“Isn’t she?” Arizona asked, glancing over at her daughter with a proud smile. If she was honest with herself, it annoyed her how literally all they had to talk about was Sofia. It felt like a formality that he even decided to come up and say hello, and it made her realize just how out of place she was being here. “She’ll be going into third grade in the fall. Isn’t that crazy?”
She felt Amelia’s hand land on her thigh, thumb grazing just under the hem of her skirt, and she was relieved that Amelia knew she needed a little bit of a buffer to make it through the conversation. “Oh, this is my girlfriend, Dr. Amelia Shepherd,” she said, dropping her arm just slightly to drape over the brunette’s shoulder. “She’s a neurosurgeon at Grey Sloan. We work together.”
“It’s nice to meet you,” Amelia said, reaching out to shake his hand. She zoned out for the majority of the conversation, relieved that they’d come up with enough of a backstory to make their “relationship” believable. She focused on Amelia’s thumb rubbing soothing circles on her thigh and tried to ignore how obvious it was that Callie’s dad didn’t like her. If she thought about it too hard, it felt like she shouldn’t even be here, and the longer he talked to them, the more out of place she felt.
By the time he eventually excused himself to go spend time with Sofia and Penny’s nieces and nephews, she felt like she was suffocating even more than she had been the rest of the night. She knew he didn’t like her; she didn’t need it solidified by the 10 minutes he spent talking to them and making little passive-aggressive comments about Callie’s relationship and how happy she seemed with Penny.
“You want to go get some fresh air?” Amelia asked after a minute. “They’re way too busy with Penny’s family. They won’t even notice we’re gone.”
Arizona nodded, taking the last sip to finish her glass of wine and clearing her throat. “If you don’t mind, yeah,” she said in relief. “I would love that.”
They slipped out the door, Arizona making sure to grab the spare key Callie had left for them on the way out, and there was comfortable silence between them until they were outside of the lobby. Something about being outside of the condo and in the chill of the spring air made Arizona feel like she wasn’t suffocating for the first time all evening; she even stayed calm when Amelia took her hand and started leading her down the sidewalk.
“Sorry I got all…”
“Uncomfortable?” Amelia asked knowingly, and Arizona nodded, smiling shyly at how well Amelia knew her. “You’re fine,” Amelia reassured her. “You just had to spend 10 minutes talking to your ex-wife’s dad. I’d be uncomfortable, too. I was uncomfortable.”
“I think he hates me,” she admitted, falling silent for a moment while the realization hit her. “I think he’s hated me since he met me.”
“He can’t hate you. You’re the mother of his granddaughter,” Amelia said seriously.
“I bet he wishes I wasn’t,” Arizona mumbled. She wanted to stop talking as soon as she felt Amelia’s grip on her hand tighten. It felt too vulnerable to be talking about at all, let alone with Amelia the night before Callie’s wedding, but she knew the second that Amelia slowed down and shifted her eyes up from the sidewalk to meet Arizona’s that she needed to keep talking. “In his eyes, I turned Callie gay, I’m the illegitimate mother of his grandchild, and I cheated on her.” She knew Amelia had heard, even if it happened long before she’d moved to Seattle. Callie told pretty much everyone. It was why she had a reputation among the residents and exactly why she didn’t think she’d be able to find anyone in the hospital to fake-date her. Until Amelia.
"Stop."
"It's true," Arizona shrugged.
“I don't care if it's true. I know you, and I know that you must've been hurting really badly when that happened."
Arizona nodded, knowing she had no room to argue with that. She was hurting when she did that; nobody except Amelia would’ve been able to know that, but she was relieved that she didn’t really have to explain herself. “Regardless, I just- I feel out of place. I know he doesn’t want me there.”
“It doesn’t matter,” Amelia shrugged. “Callie wants you there.”
“I don’t even think she does,” Arizona groaned. “I think it was just like, ‘Well, we need Sofia here so we have to invite Arizona.’ Because it’s awkward, don’t you think? I wouldn’t want any of my exes at my wedding,” she shrugged.
Amelia giggled at her rambling and pulled Arizona closer to dodge the group of people walking on the other side of the sidewalk. “I didn’t invite you to my wedding,” she shrugged.
“See! It’s weird,” Arizona said seriously. “She felt obligated, but I should’ve RSVP’d no. This was a mistake,” she chuckled. “I’m just glad you’re here to get me out of some of the uncomfortable stuff.”
“Speaking of that,” Amelia started, a devilish grin on her face as they came to an intersection. “How long do you think we have until they notice we’re gone? Because there’s a great ice cream shop like two blocks away.”
“Hmm,” Arizona grinned. “I think we have time.”
The wedding itself was uncomfortable, to say the least. Arizona wasn’t even sure why she felt so bad about it, and it frustrated her beyond belief that she couldn’t just be happy. She felt guilty the whole time—for lying, for being the reason Callie was even getting married again in the first place, and really just for being there and taking up space where she knew she didn’t really belong. Her only solace through the day was Amelia grounding her, the brunette’s hand draped over her lap through the entire ceremony and holding her hand as they walked upstairs for the reception. She felt herself get more anxious as they walked in, suddenly aware of all the eyes on her and Amelia. All of Callie’s friends who had never met her but had probably heard a lot about her. It didn’t feel good. She was certain it wasn’t true, but she couldn’t help but feel like it was. It wasn’t until she felt Amelia squeeze her hand that she was able to exhale a deep breath.
“Relax,” Amelia whispered in her ear. “Did I tell you how good you look today? How good we look?”
“Mhm,” Arizona said, trying not to roll her eyes. “Is that why I feel like everyone in this room is staring at us?”
“Exactly,” Amelia grinned, and it made Arizona giggle. “We are going to have fun, and you’re going to dance with me at least one time, and I bet you’ll feel so much better after we eat, too.”
Arizona nodded, squeezing Amelia’s hand back as a silent thank you. Even just having Amelia there with her made her feel better already.
After they ate and Arizona got a little bit more comfortable after talking to Callie and Penny’s friends and getting to know Penny’s family a little bit more, she definitely felt a lot more comfortable. Amelia was right; food did help. She zoned out for a while watching Amelia and Sofia dance together and trying not to think about how perfect it would be if Amelia was in their lives like this all the time. She fit perfectly, and it made Arizona’s stomach hurt thinking about how this was all coming to an end tomorrow.
“She’s had so much sugar today. There’s no way she’s getting any sleep tonight,” Callie chuckled, sitting down on the empty chair next to Arizona.
“She’ll sleep on the plane tomorrow,” Arizona shrugged, a smile on her face showing up when Amelia picked Sofia up to spin her around.
“Thank you for being here,” Callie said seriously. “I know it probably feels weird, but I couldn’t imagine doing this without you. You’re so important to me.”
“Really?” Arizona asked in surprise, her eyes widening at the realization. “I just- I thought you might feel obligated to invite me.”
“No,” Callie quickly answered. “You’re the reason we’re even here. You’re the reason Sofia’s here. You’re the reason I was able to move to New York to be with Penny in the first place. I owe so much to you, seriously.”
Arizona felt that familiar feeling in the back of her throat like she was going to cry, and she silently willed the tears away as she exhaled a breath. She’d never really thought about it that way; she felt like all she did over the course of their five-year-long relationship was destroy Callie, so to know she brought so much joy to her life made her feel a lot better.
“And look how happy our kid is,” Callie said, a proud smile on her face as the two of them watched Sofia and Amelia continue to dance together. “Speaking of that, why exactly haven’t you told Sof? Look at them. Look how happy she is!”
“It’s new,” Arizona shrugged. “We’ve only been seeing each other for a few months and I didn’t want to spring it on Sofia right when she moved back to Seattle,” she explained. “And then with the wedding and everything, it’s just so much change for her all at once.”
“Fair,” Callie shrugged. “But whenever you do, I know she’ll be happy.”
“Yeah.” Arizona just smiled back at her, exhaling a breath as that same guilt crept back into her chest.
“And you seem so good,” Callie said seriously. “I don’t think I’ve seen you smile like this since everything happened.” Arizona knew she meant the crash, but she was glad Callie didn’t say it out loud. Thinking about it was enough; she didn’t need to hear it, too. “I meant what I said yesterday. You guys seem perfect for each other.”
Arizona smiled, her eyes meeting Amelia’s across the room, and within seconds, Sofia walked back over to the table. “Mama, Amelia says it’s your turn to dance with her.”
“Is it?” Arizona teased, dropping a kiss into her hair. “I’ll be right back, sweet girl.”
“You’re a dork,” she finally said once she’d taken Amelia’s hands on the dance floor. “There’s definitely not enough people on this dance floor right now for us to be up here.”
“Mmm,” Amelia hummed, letting go of Arizona’s hands to gently place hers on Arizona’s waist, her smile growing bigger when Arizona relaxed at her touch and reached for Amelia’s biceps, pulling her a little bit closer. “I don’t care, I just want to hang out with you.”
“Hey,” Arizona shrugged. “I’m not complaining. You freed me from that conversation with Callie.”
“What did she have to say?” Amelia wondered.
"Just pointing out how happy we seem together, again." She rolled her eyes, but her face broke into a smile when Amelia's did.
"We do this 'fake' girlfriend thing really well, huh?" She asked, her voice low. "It's kind of fun," she admitted.
Arizona nodded, swallowing her anxiety about all of this ending within the next 24 hours. Amelia was right, it was fun. When she wasn't feeling incredibly guilty, she found it easy to slip into the role of Amelia’s “girlfriend”. Amelia made her feel good; she made her laugh more than had in a long time. She was patient, kind, and so accommodating of every weird mood Arizona had been in since they’d gotten there. Of course, Arizona knew they’d be able to fake it well. Amelia had been the perfect girlfriend for her years ago when they were in their 20s. She just never expected it to feel the same way now, and she wasn’t sure how she was supposed to just go back to being friends with her when all of this was over. She didn’t know how she was supposed to go back to feeling so alone. “Yeah,” she finally said, quieter than she meant it to come out. “It is.”
Her sadness felt like a double-edged sword the rest of the night. She was unable to shake the impending feeling of loneliness. She realized that as much as she tried to move on, she had always held onto a little bit of hope for her and Callie. Maybe it was just because of the way things ended between them, but regardless, Callie getting remarried made her feel like another chapter of her life was closing. That, coupled with the fact that she felt like she was losing Amelia again, was too much.
She felt like she was barely hanging on by a thread for the rest of the night, concealing her sadness with fake smiles, dancing with Sofia and Amelia, and a few more drinks to get her through. By the time they got back to Callie’s, all she wanted to do was crawl into bed and cry, but she knew it’d freak Amelia out. Instead, she packed up her and Sofia’s bags while Amelia showered, and she ended up folding the other woman’s laundry when she ran out of things to keep herself busy. Amelia came back in the room about 20 minutes later in her pajamas with glasses of water for both herself and Arizona, and she set them down on the nightstand, taking a few steps forward to place a gentle hand on Arizona’s back. “Need me to unzip you?” she asked gently. It was like she could feel Arizona’s distress without her even having to say a word, but Arizona tensed up at her touch this time, too upset to even let it make her feel better.
“Yeah,” She breathed out, inhaling another deep breath when she felt Amelia tug the zipper of her dress about halfway down her back, just enough so she could reach it on her own. “Thank you.”
“You didn’t have to fold my clothes,” Amelia teased. She reached for the piles to put them into her bag on the floor, and she turned down her side of the bed, pausing before she got into it. “Need anything while you shower?”
“I’m good.” Arizona gave her a curt smile and grabbed the pajamas she’d set aside on the nightstand. “I’ll be right back.”
She felt like she was able to shake off some of the sadness while she showered. The water sobered her up, and being able to rinse off the makeup that had been on her face all day definitely made her feel better. By the time she brushed her teeth and crawled into her side of the bed, she felt okay. Definitely not good, but okay at the very least.
Amelia shut her book and took her reading glasses off, turning off the light on her nightstand once she’d set them both down. “That was fun,” she murmured as she slid under the covers, sighing contentedly when Arizona turned the light on her side off as soon as she was comfortable. “Did you have a good time?”
“Yeah,” Arizona shrugged. She knew it wasn’t convincing, but it was late, and they were both tired. Amelia wouldn’t care anyway, especially now that the trip was essentially over. “Thanks for coming with us,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper.
“Of course.”
Silence fell over them, and after a few minutes, she was convinced Amelia had fallen asleep. It finally gave her enough space to allow herself to feel everything she'd been internalizing over the past few days, along with the anxiety surrounding having to fly again tomorrow. As soon as she realized she wouldn't be getting any good sleep, she began to get emotional. She was exhausted from the long weekend and all of her emotions, and she just wanted to be home in her own bed, where she had room to grieve everything she felt like she'd lost over the past few days. She felt selfish thinking about it that way, too, and that made her feel even worse.
Her quiet tears slowly turned into sobs, and she cried into the crook of her elbow as she lay on her side, allowing the sleeve of her sweatshirt to muffle any crying that might wake Amelia up. She was just glad that from what she remembered, Amelia was a heavy sleeper.
She wasn't even sure how long it’d been since she lost control and became completely inconsolable, but she felt strong arms snake around her waist and pull her closer. “Hey,” Amelia whispered softly, pulling the blankets over both of them before she returned to her position holding Arizona. Arizona felt like she should be embarrassed, but she wasn't. Amelia didn't say anything else; she didn't try to talk her down or say anything to make her feel better. She just held Arizona and took deep breaths so that Arizona could match them and try to slow her heart rate when she was able to calm down.
It miraculously worked, and Arizona did eventually relax, comforted by Amelia’s arms around her waist and the brunette’s soft breathing in her ear. She drifted off into sleep thinking about how safe Amelia made her feel and trying not to think about how much lonelier she was going to feel in her own bed 24 hours from now.
The trip home was fairly uneventful. Sofia slept through the entire flight and Arizona distracted herself by catching up on work. She couldn’t bring herself to watch a movie with Amelia or even think about Amelia, which was difficult considering the brunette was right next to her and holding her hand during their takeoff and landing. The thought lingered in the back of her mind that Amelia was worried about her. She didn’t say a word about the night before, but Arizona could just feel Amelia’s eyes on her on the plane and even on the drive back from the airport.
She felt awful that she couldn’t even talk to Amelia, but it felt selfish. Her own choices ended their relationship all those years ago in the same way that her choices ended her marriage to Callie. It was selfish to be upset about it and feel sorry for herself, and she didn’t expect Amelia to understand how she was feeling at all; she shouldn’t have to understand.
By the time they pulled into Arizona’s driveway, Sofia was wide awake and excited to go inside and start on the puzzle Amelia had bought her before the rehearsal dinner. She ran inside with her suitcase as soon as the garage was open, leaving Arizona and Amelia alone for the first time all day.
“Come here,” Amelia said gently, tugging on Arizona’s arm to give her a hug.
Arizona shook her head no, but the heartbreak in Amelia’s eyes immediately made her change her mind. She tried to relax into Amelia’s arms, but she felt like she’d cry if she wasn’t completely holding herself together.
“Will you please talk to me?” Amelia asked softly in her ear.
“I’m fine,” Arizona replied. She pulled away from Amelia and grabbed her luggage from the open trunk.
“Arizona.”
She turned back around to grab Amelia’s luggage, too, knowing that she’d crumble as soon as she looked into Amelia’s eyes, and it wasn’t until she felt Amelia’s hand land on top of her own that she knew she was stuck. Amelia wouldn’t leave her upset like this, and she knew it. “I just- you made me feel really good about everything this weekend, and I’m sad about it ending. But that’s not fair to you, so I just need to suck it up and get over myself.” She was looking down at the cracks in the driveway, unable to look into Amelia’s eyes,
“What do you mean that’s not fair to me?” Amelia asked. “I want to be in your life like this. I wasn’t lying to you last night when I was having fun.”
“You weren’t?” Arizona finally looked up,
“No,” Amelia said honestly. “I wanted to take care of you and make this a fun weekend for you and Sofia. I care about you. And I spent all weekend thinking maybe I cared more than I should’ve, but I couldn’t stop myself. I don’t want it to end either.”
“You can’t be serious.”
“Why wouldn’t I be serious?”
“Because I was an emotional wreck all weekend over my ex’s wedding,” Arizona said as if it was obvious. “Do you know how embarrassing that is, that I ruined everything? I put myself in this situation, and I’m upset because this feels like a chapter of my life is ending. And on top of that, I felt so good with you that I didn’t want it to end. I’m a mess.”
“First of all,” Amelia said, giving her a gentle smile as she stepped forward to take Arizona’s hands. “Every single thing you were feeling all weekend was understandable. You handled everything better than I would’ve. I know that.” Arizona cracked a smile at that, eyes still watery. “And even if you were a mess. I wouldn’t care. I like you too much to ever feel that way.”
Arizona’s smile only got bigger, and she let go of one of Amelia’s hands to wipe her eyes. “I’m sorry for being weird. I just feel selfish.”
“You’re not,” Amelia said seriously. “And we don’t even have to talk about what this means right now, or even for a few days.”
“We can take it slow?”
“Of course,” Amelia reassured her. “I just want to hang out with you and Sofia,” she shrugged.
Arizona nodded, inhaling a deep breath before hugging Amelia again, pressing a kiss to her cheek before she pulled away. “You want to come in and help us with the puzzle? I’ll order pizza.”
“I’d love that,” Amelia grinned. She dug through her purse for her car keys to put her own luggage into the trunk, and the two of them walked inside.
Arizona was still in disbelief for a few minutes, but as soon as they got settled and changed into more comfortable clothes, she felt better. Amelia being so eager to borrow a sweatshirt and a pair of pajama pants definitely helped her feel like this was all real. The two of them got settled on the living room floor in front of the coffee table sorting through the puzzle pieces with Sofia, and Arizona felt like she could really breathe again for the first time all weekend. Somehow, without even knowing it, this was all she ever wanted. She was so lucky to have it.