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When Eren was young his parents adopted a baby girl. She was too tiny to play cars with him and screamed a lot, but when his father placed Mikasa in his arms, adjusting them just right so he wouldn't drop her, Eren immediately fell in love.
Not just with Mikasa - though she held a special place in his heart- but with all children. They had an honesty Eren couldn't find anywhere else and it had never bothered him when children inadvertently insulted him with the truth.
Most people were surprised when they found out that Eren was such a good influence on kids. People assumed he was to impulsive and childlike to rule over the kids effectively, but the kids loved him and would do anything he asked without much of a fuss. There was one kid though that Eren couldn't get along with for the life of him. No matter how hard Eren tried - which admittedly wasn’t all that hard - this little asshole disproved everything Eren thought he loved about kids.
Arte Arlert managed to offend Eren at every turn. That little shit even had the nerve to call him stupid. A seven year old, who couldn't tie his damn shoes, called him stupid.
Eren was at a loss. Rationally he knew what to do. The mature and adult thing to do was call his parents, make a meeting, and talk things out. But Eren had never been good at ‘adult’ and he really wanted to fucking deck the kid.
In the end his ‘adult’ side won out, thanks to Mikasa insisting prison wasn't worth it. He asked Levi, his supervisor, to call a meeting for this Friday. He was not excited. Generally, problem children had problem parents and Eren was not ready to get yelled at by some soccer mom about how her son was a little angel who could do no wrong.
******
February was not Eren’s best month. The only month worse than February was August, and that was just because that's when all the kids left daycare for school. February held Valentine’s Day and as a perpetually single lump Eren could never find much enjoyment in the holiday.
To make matters worse, Arte and his mom had failed to attend any of the meetings Eren had set up and Eren had reached his last straw.
It had been raining all day so instead of going outside for recess they had stayed inside and watched Anne.
“Hey Jaeger!” Arte called, turning to kneel on his chair and give Eren a shitty little grin. Eren paused the movie.
“What Arte.” Eren gritted his teeth. “You're supposed to call me Mr. Jaeger.” Eren just wanted to watch the damn movie.
“Whatever.” Arte rolled his eyes and dismissed Eren’s comment. “What was the name of that last song?”
“Why do you want to know?” Eren asked, skeptical. There was no way his question was innocent.
“Because...” Arte paused and stuck his finger out at Eren. “It’s you!” He suddenly burst into laughter, doubling over the back of his chair.
Eren sucked in his breath. Fucking kid.
“You can’t say that!” One of the other students squeaked, reprimanding him. “Mr. Eren is really nice!”
Arte retracted his hand, placing it on the back of his chair as he leaned down closer to her face.
“I think he’s awful! And he is totally just like the song! He spends all his time with kids and never ever gets a girlfriend! Or even a boyfriend!”
The girl stopped held her chin on her fist and thought for a moment, deliberating for a bit. “I guess so…”
“Ha!” Arte yelled, throwing his hand up and bouncing on his knees. “See? Mrs. Hannagan! Mrs. Hannagan! I been you never even got laid before!”
“I bet you don’t even know what laid means!” Eren countered.
Arte blushed. “I-I-I do! My brother’s friend says it all the time!”
“Really?” Eren questioned. “What does it mean?”
Arte floundered and for a split second, Eren felt like he won.
“Hey Jaeger!” Levi called, finally looking up from his position in the back. “Stop fighting with the kids and turn the damn movie back on!”
Eren and Arte’s eyes meet one last time while Eren, not breaking eye contact, slowly pushed the play button.
That, while not the worst incident by far, is what finally prompted Eren to screw the whole meeting thing and just track down the Arlert’s himself when they came to pick up their son.
******
Eren knew who it was the second he walked through the daycare door. He had the same pale complexion and a look on his face that meant he was analyzing the room. Eren waited for the trademark douchebag smirk, but then -
Oh.
He smiled.
Eren was looking into the face of an angel. Blue eyes - not quite as bright as Arte’s - pierced into his heart. Blond hair - that Eren would give his arm up to just to run his fingers through - was pulled up into a loose bun. Some strands broke free to fall over his eyes, curling slightly. He obviously had some muscle on him but was tiny, and Eren had a good couple inches on him.
“Um, hello!” the boy greeted, a nervous hand clutching the strap of his bag. “I’m here to pick up my brother. Artemis Arlert?” He turned and pointed slightly at the door. “Normally I pick him up out front, but today the man - Levi I think was his name - said you had to speak to me?”
Eren was awe-struck. There was no way this was related to Arte. Eren had no idea what to say. Every accusation and grievance were pushed from his mind by an endless mantra of “oh no he’s hot.” But Eren had to find something to say fast, or the cute boy would think he was weird.
“His full name is Artemis! No wonder he’s such an asshole!”
The boy’s eyes widened.
“Fuck.”
The boy's eyes widened further.
‘Way to go Eren,’ he thought, ‘10 seconds into meeting your possible soul mate and you insult his whole family and curse - twice’
“Are you okay?” The boy asked, tilting his head to the side, a few strands if his hair fell toward his shoulder. It was unbearably cute.
“Uh. Um. Yea. Fine. Long day you know? Kids,” Eren laughed, “Speaking of kids, your brother’s a kid.” He stuttered through his entire sentence, each word more rushed and awkward.
The boy looked confused “Yes? He is. Is that what you wanted to talk to me about?”
Eren blushed further. “Um. No. Your brother, the kid, has been acting up and has been very rude to me lately.”
The blond boy bit his bottom lip and tucked a strand of hair behind his ear. Eren’s heart stopped.
“I-I made a meeting with your parents but they never showed up and it’s paramount I speak to someone today.”
“Paramount.” the boy said, completely deadpan. “That’s a big word.”
“Yea, uh...” Eren nervously scratched the back of his head, “My boss wrote that speech. I have it on a little piece of paper. See?” Eren held up the piece of paper.
“Oh,” the boy chuckled. What beauty. “Well my name is Armin Arlert. I’m Artemis’s brother, will I do?”
‘I’d do you,’ Eren thought.
“Yes. You’re here and that’s more than what I’ve gotten so far,” Eren said. “Is his name really Artemis?”
Armin nodded. “Yes. I forgot he asked to be called Arte. He never liked his full name. What kind of issues has he been having?”
****
Eren was a hopeless romantic. He spent endless nights dreaming of sweeping someone of their feet (or someone sweeping him off his feet - he wasn’t picky) and riding off into a blissful sunset. All those fantasies never involved someone real, however...until now.
He had been thinking about Armin for almost a week now. Every dream he had - including some of the dirty ones - involved bright blue eyes and that special laugh.
Their impromptu meeting had solved some of the issues Eren had with Arte, thankfully. Armin assured he would talk to him about it and gave Eren his number, just in case anything happened again.
The scrap of paper was burning a hole in Eren’s pocket. As much as Eren wanted to text him first, it might come off as creepy and Eren wanted as many brownie points as he could get after that train wreck of a first meeting.
Some days Eren would manage the front desk for the last hour or so while Levi watched the kids. He never did anything important, they had a regular secretary after all. Just simple things like answer phone calls and make sure the kids got picked up by the right person. It was an awfully boring job.
The bell on the door rang and swung open. To Eren’s delight, he saw Armin walking in.
“Hey! Eren, right?” Armin greeted as he walked toward the front desk.
“Oh y-yeah. Hi!” Eren stuttered. “And you’re Armin.”
Armin smiled. “I’m a bit early to pick up Arte. Do you mind if I sit with you?” He looked nervous.
Eren merely nodded, afraid his voice would crack again. This was the perfect chance to get to know Armin and not be creepy at the same time!
“Great! You never called, so no trouble with Arte then?” Armin asked.
Eren shrugged. “No, not really. He’s still a little shit, no offense.”
Armin nodded in response.
“Did you want me to call?” Eren asked, tentatively.
“I wouldn’t have minded,” Armin admitted, blushing a little.
“Oh, well then next time I’ll make sure to do...that.”
Eren was unsure of what else to say. He was never usually loss for words when it came to talking to people, but with Armin it was different. He made Eren’s head spin in a way that left him absolutely enthralled. Though the silence they spent for the remainder of their time until the kids were dismissed was awkward, Eren wished he could spend the rest of his life in the moment.
*****
Eren, as a rule of thumb, told Mikasa everything. In turn she told her girlfriend, who told Reiner, who then made it his mission to get Eren laid - no matter what his original problem had been.
“There are a lot of different approaches you can take with this.” Reiner explained, leaning halfway across the table to prop himself up on his elbows and get right in Eren’s face. “You could woo him with your child rearing skills and prove you’d be a great guy to start a family with. It isn’t just chicks who dig the baby in one arm, hammer in the other thing.”
Berthold made a face next to him.
“Or you could slip him your number, lure him into simple conversation then - WHAM! ‘We should continue this conversation over text’. Works all the time buddy. Oh wait, here’s an even a better idea! Suggest a movie. Then he has something to text you about!”
Berthold frowned. “You did this the first time we met? I texted you back about the Bourn Movies!”
Reiner leaned back in his seat and threw up his hands. “Case and point! I did it and now I get laid whenever I want.” Berthold blushed in response. “Do it Eren!”
“Or...” Annie jumped in, turning away from the TV. “You could grow some balls and just ask him on a fucking date.”
“No,” Mikasa disagreed, “Eren won’t have the courage for that. I agree with Reiner, go subtle. “
Annie snorted. “Reiner and subtle shouldn’t go in the same sentence.”
However, Reiner’s advice worked perfectly. The next time Armin came early to pick up Arte, Eren recommended Valentine’s Day in spirit of the upcoming holiday. The very next day Armin texted him.
Received: Armin
10:13 AM
>Hey. This is Armin. I watched the movie you recommended! I thought the plot was cheesy, but I liked how it all fit together. It’s a little bit like SAW in that way.
Sent: Armin
10:13 AM
>Odd comparison to make LOL. u like SAW
Received: Armin
10:20 AM
>Jigsaw is very clever! I only saw the first one but his plans were all very intriguing!
Sent: Armin
10:20 AM
>its bloody. i love them its like those things were the pin falls and the ballon fills up and pulls the lever and the water spills chain reaction thing!
Sent: Armin
10:20 AM
>but they die at the end.
Received: Armin
10:26 AM
> Like a deadly Rube Goldberg machine! :P
Sent: Armin
10:26 AM
>Yea!
Sent: Armin
10: 26 AM
>my sister has all of them you can some over and we can watch them if you want!
Eren froze. This was not how we wanted to ask him on a date. He started to type out a new message
Sent: Armin
10:27 AM
>i mean its okay if u don’t wanna i just
But the ping of his phone interrupted his typing.
Received: Armin
10:27 AM
>Sure! That’s sounds fun :)! What’s your address I’m free Sunday!”
“Oh my god” Eren said outloud, staring down at his phone in wonder. Sunday was Valentine’s Day.
“What happened?” Arte yelled, looking up from his impressively high Lego tower to taunt Eren. “Your girlfriend dumped you? Right before Valentine’s Day too! You must be a really sucky boyfriend!”
Eren, for once, didn’t react. He was too distracted by the fact that Armin, real life angel, had said yes!
Arte stomped forward, angry at being ignored. “Hey!” His hands were on his hips and his chest puffed out. “What happened?!”
“Your brother is spending Valentine’s Day with me,” Eren answered, mostly in shock, but a small part of him gleamed at the chance to rub it in Arte’s face.
“Why? You’re gross!” Arte said very matter of fact. He frowned and crinkled his nose.
“Oh my god! Oh my god!” One of the other children cried out. “Is Mr. Eren gonna kiss your brother?”
Arte paled and shook his head gravely. “Never.”
“Well, what’s wrong with me?” Eren asked, offended. “I’m a great guy to kiss!”
Arte glared at Eren, his scrunched eyes anything but cute. Then he said low and in a threatening voice, “you better not try and kiss him.” He paused for a moment before looking back up at Eren. “Armin wouldn’t kiss you anyway. He doesn’t even like boys! Especially not stinky ones like you. He has a girlfriend!”
“Oh yeah?” Eren challenged, not buying it. “Well then why isn’t he spending Valentine’s Day with his ‘girlfriend’. Why is he spending it with me?”
Arte was floored for just a second. But just like his brother, he was smart and recovered quickly. “Because… uh….She’s in Paraguay! With her mom and dad. Yeah, and she’s super rich too!”
“You’re… not messing around with me?” Eren wondered out loud, starting to believe him.
“No!” Arte shouted, crossing his arms triumphantly. “Why would I lie? He’s really got a girlfriend. Who’s super-hot! So don’t get any icky ideas about kissing him! Got it?”
Eren blushed and looked away, shutting down his phone. “I totally wasn’t.” He totally was. “We're just going to watch a movie!”
******
When Eren told Mikasa about Armin’s apparent heterosexuality, she comforted him and said “it just wasn’t meant to be.” Annie laughed in his face. Nevertheless, they both agreed to leave the apartment to him on Valentine’s Day.
Though they continued to text, mostly about continuity errors in children’s movies, Eren had to mentally prepare himself for when Armin came over on Sunday. Armin was smart, and if Eren wasn’t careful Armin would figure out that Eren ‘wanted to kiss him’ as Arte put it. Or as Eren puts it; ‘make out until my lips are bleeding and I’ve cum at least once’.
“Hey! I brought popcorn,” Armin said, standing at Eren’s front door with a bag in each hand, holding them up. “Plus all the chocolate I could afford.” Armin shook the bags a little. Eren could only stare at how utterly adorable Armin looked bundled up like that.
“Wow,” Eren said, desperately trying to keep his cool. “Couldn't find a smaller hoodie? That one's eating you alive!”
Armin frowned. “No it's not.”
“Dude,” Eren laughed, “It's gotta be a large. Extra large? I doubt you would even fit into a small!”
Armin looked a little offended and Eren wanted to be eaten alive.
“I-I mean…you rock it though. Uh, being tiny. You’re like perfect hugging size!”
Eren worried that might have come out a little gayer than he intended to, but Armin just giggled.
“Can I come inside now? It's freezing!”
Eren moved aside and let him in.
“Want me to take your jacket? I got chairs and shit to put it on.” Eren held out his arm.
Armin shook his head. “I get cold very easily. I would rather keep it - thank you!”
Turns out Armin had brought way too much chocolate. For Eren to keep up his ‘I don't wanna bang you’ appearance, he built a barrier out of it between them on the couch. It worked for the most part, but Eren’s heart still lurched every time their hands brushed in the popcorn bowl, or how he caught the way Armins eyes widened at a particularly gruesome plot twist.
Eren knew that at this point it was mostly lust, that he could stop himself from developing feelings if he wanted save himself from the eventual heartbreak. But the way Armin gushed over the ending of the first movie, so intensely enthralled by the cleverness of it all, made Eren want to never look away.
+++++
They ran out of popcorn by the end of the second movie. By SAW IV they were out of chocolate too and Eren had to do something. Armin had bundled himself up in almost every blanket he owned Eren was fighting every nerve ending in his body not to just hug some warmth into him.
But that was gay. So Eren ordered pizza.
The original plan was to go out and get something to eat, but Armin claimed if Eren so much as opened the door Armin would get pneumonia and die. So they stayed inside.
“Eren!” Armin called, almost immediately after Eren had put down the phone from ordering pizza. He seemed sure of something with the same little glint in his eye Arte got when he decided something new about Eren.
“What is it? Did I order the wrong pizza?” Eren asked. Armin’s face shifted.
“Architeuthis!”
“What?” Eren responded. “Your brother?”
“No, not Artemis! Architeuthis! That’s the scientific name for the giant squid. Apparently we know so little about them that by the time we ever get deep enough to study them they could be almost extinct! You know from pollution and overfishing and such. That’s so sad isn’t it?”
Eren nodded, kind of confused and kind of embarrassed for thinking Armin’s brother was a squid. “If we’re overfishing them how do we not know about them? Like won't we just look at the squids we eat? Wait … is calamari a giant squid?”
Armin shook his head. “No we’re not fishing the giant squids. We’re fishing there food and polluting their water.” He looked awfully concerned. “We’re killing the oceans. Even the animals we can’t see!” Armin looked on the verge of tears.
“Armin?” Eren said. Sitting back down next to where he was bundled on the couch. “Are you okay? Do you like the squids that much?” Eren wanted to comfort him more, put a hand on his back or something, but he had a boundary to maintain.
Armin unwrapped one of his arms to wipe his face. He looked up, meeting Eren in the eyes. Eren felt like he was going to get kissed.
Armin’s eyes shifted down again. “No. I mean. The squid doesn’t like me back so...I’m alright.”
Eren was going to push a little deeper. Armin was obviously not alright, but the doorbell rang.
“You should get that Eren,” Armin said, still not looking up. “It’s awfully cold outside.”
When there marathon was done and Armin deemed it late enough to go home, Eren knew three new things; the eminent danger overfishing poses to all sea life, neither of them had strong enough stomachs to watch all seven SAW movies in one sitting, and he was hopelessly irreversibly in love with Armin Arlert.
++++++
When Armin got home his heart still hadn’t returned to a normal pace. He never knew something as simple as a smile could send his heart cartwheeling, but Eren’s smile was beautiful. It pulled his cheeks into the cutest dimples and crinkled those beautiful green eyes. He had spent the whole day in a kind of wonderland. He got to hear Eren laugh and see his smile as often as he liked.
When Eren first asked him over, on Valentine’s Day no less, Armin assumed it was a date. Though Artemis swore up and down he was straight, and even had a girlfriend, Armin was so sure Eren had been flirting with him.
The very first thing Eren had done when he walked in the door was offer to take his jacket, proceeded to call him huggable, and then paid for their food. Sure it was nothing but cheap pizza, but Armin couldn’t help but find the romance in that. Eren had been utterly adorable on the phone. Apparently Eren knew the man on the phone and asked about his wife and kids. It was the same restaurant Armin had been ordering pizza from for almost three years and he never once learned the owner’s name. Eren had only moved into town in the past few months and they were already friends. It was just such an Eren thing to do.
Armin was ready to confess right there. Almost had. But the confusion in Eren’s eyes had stopped him. What kind of ass confesses to a guy with a girlfriend who just bought them pizza? So Armin changed topics. Eren didn’t seem to notice the sudden topic change and was actually interested in the dangers that faced giant squids.
As soon as Armin came home he plopped onto the couch face first with a groan. Artemis was on him in an instant.
“Armin! Armin! What’s wrong?” he asked, bouncing on his heels. Armin just groaned in response.
“Armin!” He called again, placing his hands on the back of Armin’s head, shaking him a little. When that got no response, Artemis huffed and put his hands on his hips.
“Did icky Eren kiss you? Ohhh he better not have! I’m gonna beat him up!”
Armin lifted his head a little bit. “Kiss me?” he mumbled. “Why would Eren kiss me? You said he was undoubtedly straight.”
Arte froze.
“Uhhhh...” he started, searching for an excuse, “I mean yea. It would be weird if he didn’t like boys and still kissed you right? I -”
Armin interrupted him. “Artemis”
His excuses only got more frantic. “Eren is icky and if you kissed him, it would be icky! I don’t -”
“Artemis!” Armin shouted, this time stopping his brother. “Did you lie to me about Eren?”
After a moment, Artemis sheepishly nodded.
“Why?” Armin asked. “You know lying is very mean.”
Artemis began to shuffle his feet. His head turned to the ground as tears started to form in his eyes. “Eren is gross and mean! You’re not! You’re Armin. You shouldn’t date someone gross and mean!”
Armin’s eyes softened. “Artemis…”
“It’s Arte,” he sniffled.
Armin chuckled. “Okay then Arte . Eren isn’t a bad guy.” He grabbed Arte’s chin into his hand and whipped away a tear with his thumb. “Yes he yells and scolds you at daycare, but that’s because you’re a little trouble maker!” Armin used his other hand to tickle a little giggle from Arte, who stubbornly turned it back into a frown moments later.
“But he gets extra mad with me! Even when I did nothing wrong. Eren’s mean!” he shouted.
“You want me to talk to him for you?” Armin asked. “I’ll ask him to be nicer?”
“No!” Arte yelled, stomping his foot. “I never ever want you to talk to icky mean Mr. Eren ever again!” There was snot running down his face. He was on the verge of throwing a fit. Armin pulled Arte up onto his lap, hugging him.
“Arte,” Armin said softly, “I can’t and won’t always do what you want. I’m asking Eren to coffee tomorrow, whether you like it or not.”
“You should ask him to go and then never show up,” Arte sniffled and mumbled into Armin’s chest
“Artemis,” Armin warned.
He got a mumbled apology in return.
“And then Eren and I are going to talk about how you tricked us, because I don’t doubt you told him the same thing you told me. Then, we will talk about how you tricked us. If I decide that Eren is mean then I won’t ever speak to him again. And if I decide that I want to kiss him that’s up to me too. Okay? Do we have a deal?”
After a bit of deliberation, Arte reluctantly nodded.
“Okay then,” Armin said, letting Arte back on the floor. “How about you pick out a quick movie? We can watch it during dinner.”
++++++++++
When Eren arrived at the coffee shop he was expecting a lot of things. His first thought was that Armin would call him a pervert and pour hot coffee on him. Another involved Arte spitting in his drink while Armin laughed maniacally.
The cryptic message Armin had sent him - ‘We need to talk. Coffee tomorrow at three?’ - had given a lot of room for his imagination to run free in.
Arte wasn’t there when Eren arrived though. It was just Armin wrapped in an excessive number of layers. He looked adorable.
Eren sat down and nervously asked. “So uh where’s Arte? The daycare’s closed.”
Armin nodded. “He’s with a friend of mine. He and Arte always have a blast together.”
“Ah,” Eren said, a bit awkwardly. “So, uh, you guys….”
Armin interrupted him. “Jean’s my ex actually. I’ve known him since high school. But he’s dating someone else now, Marco. Nice guy.”
Eren’s heart stopped. “Wait what. Him ?”
Armin nodded. “Yep. A Him . What about you. Does your girlfriend like Paraguay?”
“Oh my god.” It took Eren a second to get it. “Arte…. that little piece of shit! He lied! The little fucker lied about your super-hot girlfriend with the super big boobs, and super rich parents to take her to South America!”
“Yep,” Armin laughed. “What about you?” He asked hopefully. “No girlfriend?”
Eren shook his head. He was too shocked to speak.
“Okay.” Armin cleared his throat. “So he tricked us. I should have known. It was highly suspicious and -”
Armin was suddenly cut off by Eren leaning across the table and crashing his lips against Armin’s.
Everything made sense to Eren now - the chocolate, the squid, the entire ordeal - and decided through as much deliberation as his impulsive mind could handle, that kissing Armin right there was the best idea on the whole damn planet.
It was short and chaste, but it was perfect. They lingered in each other’s breath for a moment. Armin’s eyes were still closed. Eren could see the flush on his cheeks and the slight moisture on his lips.
When Armin opened his eyes, Eren fell in love all over again. Those beautiful blue eyes were so close to his, he could see every emotion and every ounce of happiness.
Eren laughed, breathless and unbelievably happy. He let his head fall into his hands.
“What?” Armin asked, just as lost in the moment.
Eren smiled. “Your brother is such a little shit.”