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Enjolras closed the door behind Combeferre and Courfeyrac and rested his head against the cool wood. They had come over to do the last finishing touches for their flyers to hand out next week for the upcoming rally. Which they tried to turn into an ‘Enjolras intervention’ and failed miserably. Now Enjolras’ classes had finished, he had spare time on his hands and wanted to get back involved in the community again, as his coursework had consumed most of his time. Everything seemed to be going to plan; everyone had finished with their studies and had time off any part time jobs they currently held. Enjolras was so used to putting together the information, brainstorming at three am with Jehan – Combeferre had learned to either turn his phone off or put it on silent after midnight from countless conversations of “Yes, Enjolras, that’s all very well and good but I’m trying to fucking sleep here and you need to do the same” with a grumbling Courfeyrac in the background –they had been finding it difficult to come up with a good enough design, but it was someone else who usually designed the posters and the flyers.
Grantaire.
No matter what they did, it just didn’t look the same. It didn’t have the same appeal and emotion that they needed to portray. And to be honest, it looked terrible.
Even when Grantaire made sarcastic or snarky comments through their meetings at the beginning of their friendship, or later in their relationship when he tried to distract Enjolras in other ways he really didn’t want to think about right now, they always enjoyed designing these together. Enjolras would talk with his hands in the way he does when he gets excited – which Grantaire told him was one of his ‘many endearing qualities’ and Grantaire would listen, making notes or sketches and once he presented the final product, Enjolras was never disappointed. It’s what helped them grow closer. Their energies bounced off one another and the atmosphere was electric. Enjolras adored Grantaire’s art, how Grantaire captured everything and more about what was important to him.
It has been nearly two months since they had split up. Enjolras hasn’t spoken to or about Grantaire since it happened, and he was quite happy to keep it that way. After all the frustration with the posters and flyers, no matter what designs they came up with, nothing was pleasing Enjolras and he just wanted, needed it to be perfect.
“This is why I need Grantaire, we used to-“
He swallowed the rest of his sentence like a dry pill and called it a night; that they will continue tomorrow.
Courfeyrac and Combeferre both exchanged knowing glances which were supposed to go unnoticed by Enjolras. But Enjolras didn’t want to question them on it. He just needed to be alone. They both hugged him - Courfeyrac pressed a chase kiss to his cheek and left without a word.
It was hard on his friends, he understood this. They all loved and welcomed Grantaire from the beginning, and he is as much as their friend as Enjolras is. He asked them not to take sides, to still treat them the same. But he could see it was a strain on them all. He had however made an effort to get used to being around Grantaire again for the sake of his friends. They all met up for Feuilly’s birthday, and he wanted everyone there. But after only being separated a couple of weeks, Enjolras – however much he was in denial about being emotionally wrecked and devastated - was still raw from it all and took it harder than he initially anticipated. He took one look at Grantaire in that ridiculous hat and old sweater Enjolras always liked wearing because it was Grantaire’s favourite - his eyes welled up, his mouth had the texture of sand and he hailed a very expensive cab home, thanks to Comberferre opting to be the designated driver.
It wasn’t like it was Enjolras’ fault, right? Grantaire was the one who ended it. He was the one who left, who broke Enjolras heart, who walked away.
Enjolras flopped on to the sofa and closed his eyes. He just wanted to forget about today, about rallies and exes. Even though his mind was racing and sleep seemed miles away, the headache that was starting to form was a sign that he needed to go to bed, so Enjolras retreated to his room. He stripped to his boxers and just let his clothes fall to the floor - they could be dealt with in the morning, along with the rest of the mess he was going to sort out three weeks ago. Joly almost had a fit when he saw the state of his room. Enjolras fished for his phone in his jeans pocket and left it on the bedside cabinet. Enjolras wasn’t in the mood to read anything or to talk to anyone, so he reached in his beside draw for his headphones and listened to some music. He spent the majority of the time skipping songs because they reminded him of things he really didn’t need or want to be reminded about, or songs that were generally getting on his nerves. Deciding music was also a bad idea, he tugged the headphones off and threw them to the side and proceeded to stare at the ceiling for over an hour. He tossed and turned, his legs tangling in the covers and his pillow wasn’t quite right and who the hell is ringing me at 1 am.
The screen flashed a number he didn’t recognise. The contact wasn’t saved in his phone and therefore, right at this moment, wasn’t worth his time. He left it to ring out, hopefully it was just a wrong number or some automated service trying to sell him life insurance or compensation for an injury he doesn’t have.
Whoever it was rang again. Enjolras decided that the best way to deal with it was to pick up the phone and at least then whoever it was could be dealt with and he could go back to failing at sleeping.
“Hello.” It wasn’t a greeting hello. It was a “hello, why the hell are you ringing me at this time” kind of hello.
“Ah shit, you’re pissed off already.”
Enjolras’ palms started itching and that annoying lump in his throat was back and he wanted nothing more than to throw the phone at the wall and watch it smash into tiny pieces and pretend he never answered the call in the first place. He knew that voice anywhere, the sharp intake of breath before he even started talking, the drunken drawl in his speech - it was Grantaire.
“Did I- Did I wake you up?”
Enjolras wasn’t just upset at the fact it was Grantaire, but it was Grantaire and he was drunk.
“Yes. What do you want?”
Enjolras pinched the bridge of his nose, hoping Grantaire would get the hint to just hang up and not really answer his question.
“I’m sorry, fuck – uh. Look, I um. My phone is dead and some guy let me borrow his phone to make a call and well. I have no money for a cab because I drank it all away and the buses have stopped and the guy needs his phone back so I’ll make it quick.”
Enjolras rolled onto his stomach and buried his face into the pillow wanting to scream. Instead he sighed, turned his face to the phone and brought the microphone end closer to his mouth.
“Go on.”
“Your number was the only one I could remember and I’m super fucking drunk and I can’t walk home because I can’t remember the way and it’s too far and well I- I would really appreciate it if you could come and pick up my really drunken sorry ass.”
Enjolras couldn’t believe it. Did Grantaire just really ask him that? After not speaking for two months and avoiding each other anyway possible?
“Why should I do that?” Enjolras tone was harsh, but it needed to be.
“Because I’m cold and tired” Grantaire whined, making Enjolras gnaw at his bottom lip.
“Why aren’t you wearing your jacket?”
“Because you still have it.”
Enjolras felt a pang of guilt and something else, a feeling he completely ignored and pushed right back down. His gaze lingered on his wardrobe, knowing exactly what Grantaire was talking about. He didn’t want to imagine Grantaire standing there in the cold and dark, drunk and alone.
What if something bad happens to him? What if he dies of pneumonia-
Grantaire is more than capable of looking after himself, don’t be ridiculous.
But no one deserves to be left on the street at night and I’m the only one who can get to him and-
Don’t even go there. It’s his own fault he wasn’t sensible with his money. I’m sure he’ll figure it out.
Maybe I could just drop him off home, it won’t take me long and I can’t sleep anyway and it doesn’t mean anything, I’m just simply-
Just get in the fucking car.
But he’s only fifteen min- wait, what?
Enjolras sighed heavily. He was regretting his decision already and he hasn’t even voiced it yet.
“Alright. Stay where you are, I’m on my way.”
~
Grantaire blinked a few times in complete shock. He was surprised Enjolras answered the phone to an unknown number and at the fact that he was on his way to pick him up. Grantaire didn’t quite know what to expect from the phone call in the first place. He had braced himself for harsh words and rejection, but instead he was now fumbling with the phone with cold bitten fingers, passing it to the kind man who lent it to him.
“Cheers for that, I owe you one. Sorry I was so long.”
The slightly older gentleman smiled and waved him off with his other hand as he typed a message on his phone.
“It’s fine. I see you around here often, buy me a drink sometime.”
Grantaire nodded, flashed a final smile and watched the man cross the road to where a silver car pulled up.
He sat on the curb and waited. His mind was still foggy from the alcohol, but the fresh air was helping. He hoped Enjolras wouldn’t be mad at him if he had even marginally sobered up by the time he showed. Regardless, it was dark and cold and too far to walk.
He pulled out a packet of cigarettes and his lighter and lit one, taking a long draw and tilting his head back. He remembered all the shared cigarettes with Enjolras. Hanging out of the window post-sex, Enjolras draped around him - taking the cigarette from between his lips and replacing them with his own, then stealing a drag and passing it back to Grantaire. All the stress smoking breaks in between studying. The “Grantaire I can’t sleep and I’m really craving a cigarette though it’s dark and I don’t want to go outside alone but I don’t want to smoke inside” at two in the mornings, the “I don’t even smoke that much. Probably two a day at the most”, lighting his fifth cigarette and giving Grantaire the look that he has to turn away at because who the hell allowed anyone to be that damned attractive, jesus christ.
Grantaire forced the memories into a far corner of his mind, hoping they will never resurface because that was really fucking painful, thanks a lot. About fifteen minutes had passed and Grantaire heard a car a short distance away. His pulse quickened and he stood up, wringing his hands together to keep them busy. Enjolras’ car pulled up on the other side of the street. Grantaire hesitated, he didn’t know whether if Enjolras was going to get out of the car, storm up to him and yell at him about how dare he be so idiotic to drink all of his money away and get so drunk he can’t walk home.
Enjolras however, got out of the car and walked calmly over to him. He had Grantaire’s jacket tucked under his elbow, a frown set in place. Not one of disappointment or judgement, but of concern. Grantaire felt a sharp prickling in his eyes and such a tightness in his chest that felt so constricting he thought he was going to combust. He hadn’t seen Enjolras properly in two months, not in person anyway. He looked tired, but in a way that looked ridiculously gorgeous and knowing Enjolras, he probably has slept what someone should sleep in a night in the space of a week. He knew about their next rally coming up and whenever it was mentioned in his presence, he changed the conversation or just cleared his throat and his friends would drop it, ending the topic. He didn’t want to think about the hours he and Enjolras used to spend together, how he poured his heart and soul into the designs to make them just right for Enjolras to make him proud. To make himself proud.
Enjolras visibly stiffened and pursed his lips. Here we go.
“I brought your jacket.”
Enjolras held out the jacket like some sort of peace offering. Grantaire took it from him and shrugged it on. Shoving his hands into his pockets, he looked up at Enjolras’ face.
His expression was the same as the one he wore when walking over to him. Enjolras used to make him feel so inadequate, like it was a blessing he could even breathe the same air as him. How he, Grantaire, could walk amongst a god with no price to pay. That he was the luckiest fool on this earth. Of course, Grantaire confessed this to Enjolras one drunken night after they had been partners for a month or so, and Enjolras laughed. He thought Grantaire was joking until he saw the serious look on his face. Enjolras bent down on his knees in front of Grantaire, took his hands and pressed them to his lips. He told him that he was beautiful, he was the lucky one and to take him off the dangerous pedestal Grantaire held him on.
But now, looking closely at him, he didn’t look like Enjolras. Not the Enjolras he knew.
He was stunning, of course. But the immense glow had faded, the feisty and powerful fire had been put out.
Instead he looked sullen - his shoulders slightly drooped where they used to be held back with pride. His eyes kept casting down, unable to hold the eye contact like the intense way he used to, that kept Grantaire on edge and scared to look away. His whole body radiated something standoffish, but not in the intimidating way it used to, but in a “please don’t touch me I might fall apart” kind of way. If there was one thing Grantaire was good at, it was reading Enjolras like a book - no matter how many times Enjolras told him he couldn’t.
Enjolras looked like a boy who had his heart broken. And Grantaire was the one who broke it.
“Thanks for coming all this way for me.”
“It was only a few minutes away. It’s fine.”
They both stood in silence, waiting for each other to make the next move.
Enjolras tilted his head towards the car.
“Best not have you out here freezing even more.”
Enjolras’ golden skin was prickled with goosebumps from the cold. Grantaire wanted to reach out and sooth him, wrap him up in jacket and kiss him until his lips turned numb. But instead he nodded and followed Enjolras to the car. He was a little unbalanced on his feet and tumbled over the curb. Enjolras caught his arm to steady him. Grantaire’s arm felt on fire where Enjolras’ hand lay on him. He didn’t realise how much he had missed his touch, even something as simple as this. A craving for more gnawed in every fibre of him.
Grantaire noticed Enjolras’ breath hitch in his throat and looked to the ground.
“Shit. Sorry I’m a - ”
The grip on him tightened.
“It’s okay. I’ve got you.”
Grantaire spared Enjolras a glance, he was even pinker than the cold had made him.
Enjolras guided Grantaire to the car, helping him in the seat even though Grantaire insisted he was more than capable.
Enjolras got in the other side and started the car. They drove in silence for a moment until Enjolras pulled over on a street Grantaire didn’t recognise.
~
Enjolras breathed sharply through his nostrils and turned to face the man next to him. Closer up he could smell the alcohol heavily. Grantaire hadn’t smelt like that for a while. Well, since they were last together. The scent Enjolras was used to was paint and coffee and slight cigarette smoke and something else that was just Grantaire. He knew that it would be a bad idea to leave Grantaire to his own devices. He has to put Grantaire’s needs before his own. That’s why he came out here in the first place. Considering carefully how to approach the subject without being too forward and putting himself too much out of comfort, he turned to face Grantaire.
“I think it would be best if you came back to my house. I- I don’t think it would be sensible to leave you like this, and I don’t want to be responsible for whatever state you could wake up in. If you stay with me, I can keep an eye on you and I’ll drop you back off in the morning, if you wish.”
Grantaire looked taken aback, which was expected.
“Oh. Okay. If I won’t be an inconvenience to you then sure. Thanks.”
Enjolras tightened his grip on the steering wheel.
“You’re not. I wouldn’t have offered if that’s what I thought.”
Grantaire huffed a laugh and closed his eyes, leaning his head back against the headrest. “Let’s go then, boss.”
Enjolras started the car up again.
“Don’t fall asleep on me just yet. I’m not carrying you out of the car. Again.”
Grantaire opened one eye with a smile. “That wasn’t fun for both parties. You hit my head on the door.”
Enjolras scoffed. “You were heavy. And I tried waking you up.”
“What, by injuring me?”
Enjolras chuckled. “Oh shush. You looked peaceful so I –“
Enjolras stopped. What was he even doing? The smile on his face felt foreign. He couldn’t remember the last time he genuinely laughed. He felt Grantaire looking at him, but stayed silent for the rest of the short journey.
He pulled up outside of his apartment and got out. Grantaire shortly followed him. He locked up the car and fumbled with the house key. Once he had it ready in his hand, they both walked up the concrete steps, Grantaire lingering a little further back than necessary. Enjolras let them both in and turned on the lights.
“Do you want a drink?”
~
Grantaire tugged his shoes off, gripping on the back of the sofa that held too many memories.
“Got anything alcoholic?” He was only joking, of course. He was waiting for a sharp retort or a scowl but nothing happened. Enjolras just looked at him, half way through taking off his coat.
“Normally I would object, but I think I can allow myself a glass of wine. Is wine okay with you?”
Grantaire gaped at him. “You know I was joking, right?”
He followed Enjolras into the kitchen and lent on the counter. More painful memories.
Enjolras retrieved two bottles of wine and two very clean, probably never used wine glasses.
“I had gathered, but. Why not. Though I suppose I have a lot of catching up to do to get to your level.”
Enjolras placed the glasses on the counter, hooking the wine bottle under his arm while he rummaged for a bottle opener.
“Come on, Enjolras. You’ll only need like, half a glass.”
Enjolras stopped what he was doing to glare at him, making Grantaire bite back a smile.
“Sadly I don’t have anything stronger. I uh. I had this in for a special occasion but. Shit happens.”
Enjolras had found it and opened the bottle and started to pour. His hand was shaking, so Grantaire held the glasses for him. Enjolras sniffed, which Grantaire took as a thank you.
He had started to sober up, after being in the fresh air and the car journey. And even with Enjolras in this state, just being in his presence made him feel alert and ready for whatever could happen next. You needed to have your senses in full tact around Enjolras.
It was unusual, almost uncomfortable to see him this way. Completely laidback with a “fuck it” attitude. It didn’t suit him, but Grantaire understood completely. It was, however, slightly amusing.
Enjolras swirled the wine around the glass and smiled.
“I can’t remember the last time I drank.”
Grantaire took a sip. It was really good wine, probably rather expensive and been hidden away for too long.
“I wish I could say the same.”
Grantaire regretted saying it as soon as the words fell out of his mouth. But it was out there now, spoken to the too quiet room and Enjolras. He surprised Grantaire though.
“No point in beating yourself up about it. But it’s down to you if you want to change it.”
“Thanks.” Grantaire said, not knowing which way to take it.
Enjolras nodded and drank. He knocked back the entire glass and wiped his lips on the back of his hand. He poured himself another glass. Grantaire didn’t like this. He didn’t want Enjolras to drink himself sick just so he can tolerate Grantaire’s company. Or was it something else?
“Are you okay? I mean I know I don’t have the right to judge anyone on their alcohol intake but you should probably slow- “
“I’m fine.” Enjolras put his glass down a little too hard, the loud noise making them both startle.
Grantaire finished off his glass and started to get his buzz back.
“So. How have you been?”
Enjolras shrugged. Grantaire could see him eyeing up the bottle. He didn’t want this to be unpleasant, so he pushed.
“Come on, tell me. If you’re stuck with me for the night you might as well make the most of it.”
Enjolras looked at Grantaire curiously, like a kid looking at a candle up close and wondering what would happen if they touched the flame.
“Or we can sit in uncomfortable silence, your call.”
Enjolras smiled at that.
“I should be putting you to bed.”
“I’m not sleepy yet.” Grantaire pushed himself up onto one of the stools. He pulled out the one next to him and patted it.
Enjolras sighed and sunk into the stool, bringing their glasses and the bottles closer to them.
And then they talked, talked and talked. All awkwardness and upset had vanished from the atmosphere. They laughed and joked, even discussed the upcoming rally. They soon polished off the first bottle, and Grantaire had to help Enjolras open the second one from him giggling so much. It was like they used to be when everything was right in his world. But he had no one or anything else to blame. He was the one who turned it all upside down. He tried not to think about the fact that Enjolras had alcohol in his system. He secretly hoped that wasn’t the reason why he was being the way he was right now, but it was a strong possibility. But Grantaire was selfishly slightly grateful. He would take what he could get right now.
Enjolras’ comment still stung from before. Sadly I don’t have anything stronger. I uh. I had this in for a special occasion but. Shit happens.
Grantaire knew exactly what he was talking about.
“R, is everything okay?”
Grantaire snapped out of his self-inflicted guilt trip and held his glass out for more wine.
“Seriously, you need to see these designs, they’re tragic.” Enjolras bit his lip in concentration as he poured more wine into their glasses.
Grantaire laughed. “I’m sure they’re not that terrible. Show me.”
Enjolras slid off his stool and headed towards the stairs.
“Okay, come with me. I can’t carry all the stuff down on my own. ”
“Sure.” Grantaire got off his stool and stretched.
“Ooh, bring the wine.”
Grantaire chuckled to himself and grabbed the bottle. He left the glasses. They looked expensive and neither of them were in any fit state to be handling glass – especially up the stairs.
Grantaire followed him upstairs. They struggled slightly, but got there eventually.
“I feel so awful.” Enjolras sighed as he pushed his bedroom door open.
His room was uncharacteristically messy. Books cluttered every surface as normal, but his bed was unmade and clothes littered the floor, Grantaire even noticed empty food packets and glasses by his bed. He even recognised the plant that Jehan had bought for him had wilted on his desk.
“Enjolras its fine, you should see-“
“About two things, really.”
Enjolras kicked the clothes away to make a path to his desk. “My room is a disgrace and I was supposed to be looking after you. I should have sent you to bed and it’s like, 4 am and I’m really sorry.”
Enjolras looked beautiful in the saddest way in that moment. His lips were red from the wine, his skin flushed, his hair sticking out in every possible direction – the hair tie long gone, his shirt clinging to him in all the right places, his speech slightly slurred from the alcohol. It hurt Grantaire to see him like this, in need of affection and comfort that he didn’t feel was his right to give anymore.
“It’s okay. This is the most fun I’ve had since – “ Grantaire stopped and held his breath. Shit shit shit.
Enjolras looked down. “Me too.”
Enjolras then looked up at him like he wanted to say more, but he didn’t. He turned around and busied himself with finding what he needed.
Grantaire rested his head on the door frame as he watched Enjolras gather up the papers.
“Come and sit on the bed if you want. I’ll show you everything here then I’ll make your bed up on the sofa.”
“Thanks.”
Grantaire cautiously stepped over everything and sat on the edge of the bed. Oh god memories please go away.
“I would let you sleep up here but. It’s not exactly a nice environment.”
Enjolras joined him on the bed with his arms full of folders and papers. He dropped it unceremoniously next to Grantaire and then sat next to the pile on the other side. Enjolras reached behind himself and threw a pillow at Grantaire.
“Make yourself comfortable.”
Grantaire sat himself opposite Enjolras and adjusted the pillow behind his back and turned his full attention on Enjolras.
“Okay. This is what Courf, ‘Ferre and I came up with this evening. Well, now technically yesterday evening.”
Enjolras had already told him what the cause was about, and Grantaire was rather intrigued. He was however dreading to see the artwork. He had seen their old designs before.
He took the rolled up piece of paper and opened it out.
“Good lord.”
They both laughed and Enjolras covered his face.
“I told you. Now pass over the bottle.”
Grantaire handed the wine to Enjolras and rested his chin on his fist.
“Okay, we can make this work. I like the concept but. The colouring is totally off and it just needs a bit more detail here and uh… Much less detail here.”
Enjolras snorted. “Courfeyrac had old crayons, we had to work with what we had.”
Grantaire shook his head in feign disappointment. “Only Courf.”
They conveyed ideas and shared the bottle between them. Grantaire found a spare bit of paper and a pencil and started sketching out their ideas.
They had somehow ended up sitting next to each other at the top of the bed, shoulder to shoulder. Enjolras was so close Grantaire could feel his breath across his cheek. It was sweet with wine and warm on his skin. Their hands brushed together a lot, from pointing to the same parts of the design and editing sections.
This used to be Grantaire’s favourite part of their preparation for upcoming events. It’s where he felt most needed and important, and he enjoyed it so much he even worked on things for their causes in private. But working with Enjolras again, seeing him excited and passionate about what he was creating filled him with such joy it was almost too much to handle.
“I’ve missed this.”
Enjolras looked at Grantaire with such sincerity he had to look away.
“Yeah. Me too.” Grantaire said, fiddling with the pencil between his fingers.
Enjolras picked at the label on the wine bottle. “I- I mean, it hasn’t been the same without you. I would like it if you came to the meetings again, if you want to of course.”
Grantaire grinned, curling his arm around Enjolras’ shoulders, taking the bottle off him and gulped a mouthful.
“I’d love too.”
Enjolras smiled back at him and leaned into Grantaire, closing his eyes.
Grantaire smiled fondly and enjoyed the quiet for a while. He knew his head would be paying the price tomorrow, but right now he didn’t care about that. He closed his eyes, still keeping his arm around Enjolras, their work getting slightly crumpled by their feet.
The sky was starting to turn pink and it was much too quiet.
“Enjolras?”
His chest was rising and falling steadily, his mouth slightly parted. His curls had fallen on his face, the empty bottle still clutched in his left hand. How can someone look that beautiful whilst asleep? God why are you testing me?
Now the alcohol was starting to wear off once more, Grantaire had come to his senses. He should have just stayed downstairs, talked Enjolras out of having the wine and slept on the sofa so he could creep away in the morning so not to disturb Enjolras further. This wasn’t going the way he had expected. It was in fact, better. But he knew he couldn’t have this. It wouldn’t last long. Nothing good ever did. He sighed and drifted off by mistake. A huge mistake.
~
Enjolras woke up to an empty, but still warm bed. Eyes half closed, he felt the mattress in a sleepy search for the body that was supposed to be next to him. He had too much alcohol still in his system to care about the fact that he and Grantaire fell asleep together in his bed, had let Grantare in and knowing he has seen the mess of his room that heavily expressed his state of mind. But, he had to stress about that later. Right now, he had other problems. He had overslept, even having planned to drive Grantaire back in the morning, but the searing pain in his head had spoiled that plan.
“I’m so sorry Grantaire. I’m too hung over to drive. I’ll walk you- “
Enjolras came to his senses and realised he was talking to an empty room. He sat up too quickly, making the pain pound in his head even more. Why do people do this to themselves for fun? Gripping the headboard for balance, he pushed himself out of bed and into the hallway. He knocked on the bathroom door.
“Grantaire?”
No answer.
He rushed down the stairs, stumbling on the last step. He saw Grantaire with his back to him, his hand on the door handle. Enjolras was overcome with fear and too many other emotions he forgot to breathe. He can’t let him go again.
“So that’s it, right? You’re just going to leave without saying goodbye.”
Grantaire turned to him, his eyes bloodshot and cheeks tearstained.
“It’s just easier this way.”
“I don’t understand. We – “
Grantaire let go of the door handle and flew his arms up in frustration.
“Enjolras. This isn’t going to work. It never should have worked in the first place. It’s just best if we -“
Enjolras snapped. He wasn’t going to take this from Grantaire. Not again.
“No. You mean it’s best for you. Because that’s what you do right? Just give up and quit and don’t consider the consequences of your actions and the feelings of everyone else involved. You – “
Grantaire stepped forwards.
“I what, Enjolras? I’m not good enough - is that what?”
Enjolras folded his arms. “Grantaire, don’t – You know that’s not –“
“No. I never have been nor will I ever be. I was just a charity project, wasn’t I? ‘Oh, let’s save the poor soul Grantaire, who’s just a useless drunk who hates the world.’ Well, you can’t save everyone. And you failed. You lost, Enjolras. And you can’t handle the fact that you did.”
Enjolras unfolded his arms and breathed deeply. After everything they had been through together, after all this time, he couldn’t believe that Grantaire would think that.
“No, actually. You broke my heart in a way no one ever has, or ever could. Because I will never give anyone the chance to. I loved you. And you walked away from everything, so don’t you dare turn it around on me. Hell, I picked you up completely drunk out of your wits and brought you back here and babysat you until some ungodly time when I didn’t have to – after everything you put me through.”
He didn’t even have the energy to shout, to get in Grantaire’s face and tell him how much of an idiot he is and how wrongly he thinks of himself. What was the point in fighting if Grantaire didn’t want to?
Grantaire stared at him, his chest rising and falling heavily.
Enjolras couldn’t stop now.
“What did I ever do to you? All I have done is support you and give you a chance. Even though you ridiculed me and what I stand for at every given opportunity. All I wanted was to share a home- fuck, my life with you, to give you everything you deserved and more. And you threw it all back in my face. Why, Grantaire? Why did you push me away?”
Grantaire didn’t fight back tears anymore. He heaved a sob and dropped to his knees. He shook violently and fisted his hand in his hair.
“I was fucking scared, okay? I have never had anyone want to look after me. You, our friends… I’ve never had anyone like that in my life. I panicked. It was too fucking good to be true and I screwed it all up. Enjolras, I wanted to come back as soon as I left. I- I’m so sorry I hurt you. I never, ever wanted to do that. I’m so sorry Enjolras, you deserved better than that.”
Enjolras was on the floor with him, and pulled Grantaire’s hands towards him. He brushed over the skin with his thumbs.
“You did screw up, yes, you hurt me. But you can fix it, and you want to. That’s the difference. It won’t be easy. And to be honest, I put you in the spot and rushed you. I guess the fault is mine also.”
Grantaire smiled weakly. “That’s the best attempted at a half-assed apology if I’ve ever heard one.”
Enjolras chuckled. He didn’t even notice he was crying until Grantaire let go of his hand and wiped at his cheek.
“We’re a fucking mess, you know that right?”
Enjolras huffed a laugh.
“Yeah. But, we’re a mess that works. In some odd, dysfunctional way.”
Grantaire nodded.
“I shouldn’t have just assumed you wanted the same thing or you were at the same point in the relationship as me. Moving in together is a huge deal.”
Grantaire took Enjolras hands back into his.
“It’s okay. I dealt with it in the shittiest way possible. But, I’m not just going to walk away anymore. I promise.”
Enjolras sighed and rested his head on Grantaire’s shoulder.
“You were right. I can’t handle with losing. I lost you. And I’ll be honest, it broke me. But I should have fought harder for you. You’re worth fighting for, Grantaire.”
Grantaire tightened his grip on Enjolras’ hand.
“Thank you.”
They sat in silence for a while, hand in hand.
“Oh my god. I wonder what our designs look like from last night.”
Granatire laughed, his head falling back, eyes crinkling and laughing with his whole body. Enjolras had missed that laugh.
“We have to have a look. I uh. I’ll make us some coffee. I’ll meet you upstairs.”
Enjolras nodded and made his way upstairs.
Once Enjolras headed upstairs with the grace of every hung over student, he needed a moment to process everything. This didn’t mean they were getting back together instantly, but it was a start. Enjolras had forgiven him and even realise his own faults. They could fix it, it would take time and it won’t be easy. But nothing between them has ever been easy.
~
Grantaire grabbed two mugs, Enjolras’ favourite and Grantaire’s favourite from when he used to visit. Enjolras only had instant, so he made the drinks quickly and carried them upstairs, grimacing at the coffee attempt looking liquid.
Enjolras looked a delight. The sun bathed him in golden glow, his hair up in a messy bun and the intense fire was back in his eyes.
“I find your lack in decent coffee disturbing.”
Enjolras rolled his eyes.
“Get your nerd self and my crappy coffee over here.”
Grantaire joined Enjolras on the bed. Enjolras took the mug off him and took a hesitant sip.
“Good god, it is awful.”
Grantaire looked at his mug in disgust.
“I don’t know if I want to taint my taste buds.”
Enjolras took his mug off him and put it on his over cluttered bedside cabinet.
“Honestly, don’t. Okay, let’s see this.”
They both grabbed the crumpled paper and unrolled it together. Looking at each other, they smiled.
“I think it’s our best yet.” Grantaire nudged his elbow against Enjolras’.
“I couldn’t agree more.”
Grantaire hummed. “It just needs colour now. We could go to my place and finish it? I mean, I don’t start work until Friday and if you’re free. Shit, is this too soon? I’m – “
Enjolras kissed him. It was gentle and careful, and not long enough, in Grantaire’s opinion anyway.
Grantaire kissed him back, pulling Enjolras close to him, his hands working up his body to cup his face. Enjolras wrapped himself around Grantaire, causing them to both fall back on the bed.
They kissed each other’s lips swollen, always one part of them touching the other. They stayed like this, until the kisses grew lazy and slow. They pulled apart and Enjolras smiled, tucking his head under Grantaire’s chin.
“I think that’s a really good idea, by the way.”
Grantaire chuckled. “I could tell.”
They both eventually got up and got dressed, Enjolras had the artwork in a folder tucked under his arm and grabbed his coat with the other.
“Ready?”
Grantaire nodded and opened the door for him, to find Courfeyrac and Combeferre on the doorstep.
“Oh, shit.”
Courfeyrac squealed and threw himself at Grantaire. Combeferre grinned at him over Courfeyrac’s shoulder. Enjolras looked mortified.
“We can explain.”