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James was shaking. He could not stop shaking. Tears streamed down his face, the sharp, salty, taste lingering on his lips. Regulus left. He left to protect him. James wanted to scream. Leaving achieved nothing. It was James who was supposed to protect Regulus, not the other way around.
The day before, James noticed something. Something that was on Regulus’ arm. He should have been expecting it. The war had been a frequent topic between the two for the past few months. James promised he’d protect Regulus from his family and The Dark Lord. He assured him that he would make sure he never had to be involved. Apparently, he had been involved the entire time.
James wasn’t even upset that Regulus was on the dark side – he knew he probably had no choice. He was upset that Regulus had been lying the whole time, listening as James said he’d never have to take the mark, and he took it anyway.
When James saw the mark, he just started crying. Regulus only realised after a few minutes, and immediately started packing.
“I’m sorry, James”, he said. “I never wanted it to happen, but it was inevitable. I can’t… I can’t stay here. It’s not safe for you”.
That were his last words to James. Honestly, in that moment, James couldn’t care less what was safe for him. He just wanted Regulus to stay and be with him. They could fix it, they could escape, it would be alright. Apparently, it couldn’t be okay. It was never meant to be – Regulus was part of Voldemort’s inner circle whether he liked it or not.
It was heartbreaking. He was there one moment, and the next he wasn’t, and James could not deal with that. Regulus didn’t even really break up with him, he was just gone. Without any explanation, any goodbye. Sirius didn’t know yet. James didn’t know how to tell him.
He was not in a state to call him anyway – he was on the floor, crying, like he had been for the entire night. His head felt ready to implode and he was definitely dehydrated. He couldn’t get up. He didn’t know what to do next. He was sure he had to go and find Reg. There was no way he would ever forgive himself if he just gave up.
It was difficult, but eventually he forced himself to get up. He got a glass of water. He took a shower. Every task felt mechanic, unnatural. James was sure he could never feel real without Regulus. That’s why he had to get him back. It was a circle, he couldn’t function without him, he didn’t have him, so he had to get him back, but he couldn’t because he couldn’t function without him.
He tried. For Regulus, he tried.
His first instinct was to go to Grimmuald Place. Sirius told him how to get in years ago, but the password had changed since, and Regulus never said what it was. James waited across the street for hours. Nobody went in or left. Either Regulus had locked himself in there, or he was somewhere else.
James began roaming around London, blindly looking around in places where it would not make sense for Reg to be. It was irrational, but he couldn’t think clearly. At some point, he stumbled into another wizard.
“Watch it, Potter” he spat.
James recognized the man as a Slytherin who was a year above him in Hogwarts.
“Soulton! Thorne Soulton, right?”
“Yes, now out of my way, posh boy”.
James frowned. Was this really how people remembered him?
“Hey, you were friends with Regulus Black, right?”
Soulton shrugged. “I knew him”.
“Have you seen him recently?”
“Not your business”.
That’s a yes, James thought. He knew he had to play this right.
“Look, erm, Soulton. I have some business with him I need to resolve, and I can’t find him. Help me out here?”
“What’s in it for me?”
“30 galleons”, James said without thinking. He could afford it, but that was part of the reason that Soulton didn’t like him.
“Make it 50”.
“Sure”.
Soulton extended his arm. James reached into his coat pocket and handed him a satchel of coins.
“You keep that on you?”
“Well, it’s helpful, isn’t it?”
“Yeah. He’s at the Lestrange’s house”.
James nodded. “Thanks. Gotta go”.
James ran. He couldn’t remember the last time he was sprinting, but he was now. He made it onto the tube and to the house within 15 minutes. He almost broke down the door, but instead he bruised his knuckles knocking aggressively for two minutes until Rudolphus opened the door.
“Potter? What-”
“Move”, James growled. He pushed him out of the doorframe, marching into the house.
“Stupefy!” Rudolphus tried to jinx James. He blocked it silently.
“Where is he?” he demanded.
“Who?” Rudolphus was stunned.
“Regulus”.
“What do you want from Regulus Black?”
“I know he’s here”, James said, ignoring the question.
“Potter, get out of my house!”
“Regulus!” James called, opening doors, running around the house.
Suddenly, his muscles stiffen. He knew he’d been petrified, but he also knew Lestrange didn’t know silent magic. He waited, unable to move, until he saw Regulus’ face In front of him.
“Stop yelling, James”, He whispered to him.
I couldn’t yell if I wanted to right now, James thought.
“Do not try to fix this, James, you can’t. Leave”. He waved his wand, calling off the spell.
James immediately sprang forward, hugging Regulus. Lestrange must have been watching in complete confusion, but he didn’t care.
“You should have told me”.
“But I didn’t. For a reason”.
“You won’t miss me?”
“Of course I’ll miss you. I have no choice, what don’t you understand?”
“Why you don’t trust me to protect you!”
“Because you’re not able to!”
“Let me try. If I fail, I’ll die, and you’ll say you were forced to stay with me. It’ll be okay”.
“You’re willing to sacrifice your life?”
“You were, so why wouldn’t I be?”
Regulus kissed him, and Merlin, James needed it. It had been too long (read: less than 24 hours), and James was starving for his touch.
“Please, Reg”, James said finally. “Try”.
Regulus nodded. “If he finds out, though, you’re not dying. I will make sure of it”.
“Of course, my love”.
The two turned around to see Rudolphus watching in complete shock.
“Obliviate”, Regulus cast quickly. “Okay Lestrange, see you later”, he said nonchalantly and walked out the door.
James hesitated for a moment before doing the same.
It was okay. Of course it was. Because they were James and Regulus, and nothing bad could ever happen. At least for another while.