Work Text:
Plans were easy to make, to execute. But very hard to backtrack from. What's done is done and the harm that came after cannot be undone, even if you wish for it hard enough or if you literally sacrifice everything there is no change in the past. After you have gone through the grief of what could have been you'll accept it, your mistakes will not come after you, rather they'll look at you and judge you like the disappointment you are. Dealing with the consequences of your own actions was never fun for anyone.
The first time was to test the waters and surprisingly it had been way too easy to just go in, grab stuff, pay for something and get out. It was a very simple formula that was bound to stop working sooner rather than later, especially after the twitter boom of kleptomania. Out of that they all got a confidence boost and the certainty that the employees didn't really care about what they did.
The second attempt had been great until greed showed its ugly face and made them overconfident in their ability and the incompetence of the employees. They had visited at least 10 stores and from each one they took something, whatever really: makeup, books, comics, stationary, you name it. If it had a price tag and was relatively small it was fair game.
Danny hadn't wanted to show up because this time, she had a bad feeling about it, the other two seemed set on achieving the mission from the beginning. But now that day seems really confusing, stupid even, the order of the stores which had been an intricate plan to avoid detection doesn't seem to matter anymore. The amount of precautions taken wouldn't have been necessary if they hadn't just followed trends. The amount of confidence and willingness seems too childish and even then that carefree attitude had been difficult to achieve, the nonchalance had been an act that they had put up to convince each other.
It was late. They were supposed to meet with one of their parents so they could go home and be done for… forever. ( But maybe they would have tried again and again and again until they were caught, this was just the inevitable ending to the stupid journey ). Instead they had done it again, been greedy enough to take a bit of everything and had been obviously seen by an employee that had actually cared enough to stop them and even call some of the mall´s security staff.
They were all still minors and under 16 years old so they couldn't actually be arrested and the problem would be solved with money but the experience and its consequences would last a lifetime. The three of them reacted differently but none knew how exactly to seem the least suspicious still they had tried to be there for each other.
…
“We are so fucked, and my mother's gonna kill me and take me out of school because this isnt possible with the way she brought me up. What are we gonna do?”
“Do you want a hug?”
“Yes“
…
They were told to call an adult that could sort this out for them but only one of their parents was in the mall at the moment, the rest would have to be notified by phone. In any case it was time to face the music, bite the bullet, take the bull by the horns and accept fate. Call dad and figure a way out.
…
…
…
Hello
¿Dad?
Yes that's me, how's your day going sweetie?
I'm sorry
What? Why?
We umm we tried t-to shoplift
He couldn't remember the entire conversation but a phrase had stuck. When did I fail you? Haven't I done and provided everything for you?
…
…
…
Disappointments, they had all become just that and while Sam got off the hook fairly easily as he even had the chance to take some of the stuff and gone to a concert whilst Tucker didn't have as much luck. Grounded. Threatened. Somber. Yet no one but themselves was to blame and so guilt rooted itself deep within, for Danny the certainty of being better off dead set in and stirred the need to keep enough pills to overdose nearby. The scars that had already healed were torn apart once again and even deeper, all in the hopes of ceasing to exist since existence caused so much deception and disgraces he ought to die, rot and be forgotten.
He was supposed to never talk to his friends again since they were bad influences and he didn't want any more trouble, so he had actually cut ties with them. He wouldn't have access to the internet for a while unless it was for academic purposes, so his already small friend group became even smaller.
Whenever there was a chance to dive into the asphalt his self preservation instinct remained silent as if encouraging him to step further into oblivion and still they hadn't been able to do it because he was a coward. In any case he was sure that food was for those who deserved it so he limited the amount he could eat until fasting for days. On end became the norm. At school he just looked disheveled wearing the same clothes most days and trying to get the best grades at the cost of whatever. Sleep became a burden since he didn't think it was necessary when there were more important things like trying to be a better student or at least a better son, all while keeping his scars covered.
But sleep deprivation can cause the loss of focus that would be required to be self aware enough to know when he was or wasn't wearing anything that could cover his arms, in just under a month a teacher had noticed and his parents had been informed, his best outlet was now completely out of reach and the desperation got so high that he had actually ventured to the nearest subway station but had returned home with enough sleeping pills to never wake up again.
His grades were good but there was always room for improvement until they basically failed an exam and the feelings of self hatred that had been present most of the time increased tenfold and he needed a quick way out of them before he actually tried to kill himself. Some medicines were far more dangerous when taken with alcohol so he did so, a lot of cough syrup and loads of vodka would do the trick.
A few times was enough to get him hooked, he ran out of cough syrup but the alcohol was enough. He would drink straight from the bottle, mix it with different kinds of beverages or foods and even put it in his school water bottle so the day was actually bearable. His favorite thing to do was mixing cereal and eggnog and if he had it as dinner then he could actually get some shut eye.
In the blink of an eye the school year had ended and with it his chances of getting better grades, but the next year ought to be better. Until it wasn’t and he was back in the subway, but this time there was no backing down since he had already drank a cocktail of hard painkillers and liquor that had made him drowsy enough to get a good chance at doing a cut so deep it hit a vein. Even then he still had to take the first step towards freedom and he gladly did.
It would take some time for anyone to notice it was him, the mangled and completely disfigured body that had stopped the subway for at most an hour and which would be forgotten fairly quickly since this was an almost daily occurrence. And when he was actually recognized it would be too late for a funeral.
Another number in an unending statistic, that was all his life would ever mean.