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“Logan, I kept thinking if I just stuck by you, you’d get past this…phase, and you’d be you again,” Veronica said, holding Logan’s hand. She hoped he would hear what she was trying to tell him. She had thought so hard about how to convey she just wanted him to make good decisions and ultimately wanted him to be safe.
He looked at her in stunned disbelief, “Are you breaking up with me?”
“I can’t stay with you. Not with you and your toadies cruising around at night and hatching plans, refusing to let everything go back to normal. Someone’s gonna get killed, Logan,” she said, looking at him intently, and viscerally felt his physical and emotional separation from her when he pulled his hand away. She knew right away she’d said the wrong thing, she didn’t want him pulling back from her.
“Someone already has. Did you forget that already? Most of the people in this town think I did it. Those people you call toadies are my friends. They’ve got my back,” he insisted, getting increasingly agitated.
“It’s not about protection, Logan, it’s about pride. And…the thing that I can’t stand is that I’m pretty sure there’s a part of you that’s having fun with all of this.”
“Fun?” he asked in disbelief. “Fun?” he stood up and she knew he was angry. “My mom is dead! My girlfriend is dead!”
His volume was increasing, and Veronica knew her dad would come in if he thought she might need him. This was not going the way she had intended. She knew she wasn’t communicating her message appropriately and she didn’t know how to get her point back on track.
Logan continued, yelling, “My dad is a murderer! And the only person I still care about is dumping me. You think I’m having fun? Answer me, okay? Just tell me the…”
Veronica’s dad burst through the door and moved toward Logan.
“No!” Veronica yelled, quickly standing up and stepping between them. “Daddy, no! He has every right to be upset, okay? We’re just talking and figuring things out. It’s emotionally charged, but we’re okay. I promise I’ll call for you if I need you, but I am NOT going to need you,” she said, putting her hand on her dad’s arm and pushing him further away from Logan toward the door.
“Veronica,” Keith started cautiously, and she could tell he was concerned.
“No. I can handle this. I promise we’re fine. We just have things we need to talk about, and some of those things are difficult.” She needed to figure out, quickly, how to pivot the conversation. She wanted to keep Logan, but there would be no keeping him at all if he got killed. She wanted to keep him unharmed. How could she tell him that?
Giving one last glance toward Logan’s direction, Keith said, “I’ll be outside if you need me. Watch your tones.”
When Keith once again stepped out of the room, Veronica looked at Logan. He looked devastated and she hated that. She continued, “It’s this, Logan. It’s this anger you’re holding onto. The last thing I want to do is break up with you. You have to know that, right? I need you to believe me.”
She couldn’t help but touch him, running her hands up his arms to his shoulders, and finally resting them against either side of his neck, encouraging him to look her in the eye. “I love you, Logan. I do NOT want to break up. Not now, not ever really.”
It was the first time she’d said those precious words he’d been waiting for, and he drew in a deep breath.
“I’m so scared that if you continue like this, it’s going to get you killed. Don’t you get that? Logan, it’s YOU I’m so scared for. The PCHers already tried to kill you twice before. The first time you showed up at my door in so much pain, with broken ribs, bleeding. It hurt me, so much, to see you in pain like that. You and Dick, and whoever else, are only giving them more reason to come after you,” she said with tears in her eyes.
“Oh, babe, come here,” he said, pulling her close, “I don’t want you to be scared for me. I can handle myself. I can’t change what’s already happened. And I’m different now, because of everything that has occurred,” Logan said softly against her head.
“I know,” Veronica said. “Believe me, I know all about changing fundamentally as a person because of trauma. I just don’t think trauma changing you means it has to change you into this self-destructive human you’ve embodied. Maybe trauma makes you tougher, maybe it makes you more cautious. But I’m scared it’s made you think you’re invincible and that’s just not true, Logan. You’re not indestructible, and I AM scared. I’m so scared for you.”
“I’m scared for you, too. Scared that I’ll let my guard down and you’ll get hurt. I don’t want you to pay the price because half the town hates me and thinks I got away with murder because I’m a rich white kid. I don’t want to lose you. I’ve lost so much, Veronica, I can’t lose you, too,” he said, a tear trailing down his cheek.
Veronica took a deep, calming breath, and wiped away the tear that tracked down Logan’s cheek with her thumb. “I think this is a moment you’ll have to figure out whether I’m someone you want in your life. I’m not going to stop worrying, I’m not going to stop encouraging you to make better choices. Maybe you’ve changed enough through all this that I’m not right for you anymore,” she said honestly, but sadly.
He was horrified she could even think that was possible. “Oh, God, Veronica. You mean absolutely everything to me; you have to know that by now. Don’t you?”
“I’m worried this vendetta you have means so much to you, you’ll stop considering what is best for your own safety, and what’s best for mine. I trust you to protect me by being there for me, not by blowing up pools and making things worse.”
“Everything I’ve done, I’ve done thinking of you. They almost killed you, Veronica. They almost killed you! If they had pulled up with their motorcycles just a moment sooner, you would have been shot in the back of my car. How was I protecting you then?” Logan’s voice broke over the words and she knew remembering that night was making him emotional. It had been terrifying; they both could have died. They had gotten so lucky that the PCHers had only succeeded in shooting out the back window of the X-terra.
The memory was simultaneously the happiest and scariest of her life. Logan had just told her he was in love with her for the first time and then they could have died. Talk about traumatic. Logan had lost his first girlfriend to murder; Veronica knew he didn’t want to lose her the same way.
Veronica wrapped her arms tightly around him. “You didn’t know that was going to happen. Neither of us could have known. And you protected me even from the falling glass, Logan Echolls. I didn’t have a scratch because of you.”
He pressed his forehead against hers, “We got really lucky, Veronica. All I want to do is protect you.”
“I need you to channel that instinct to protect me, into protecting both of us. You don’t even know how devastated I would be if something happened to you. I need you, Logan.”
“What’s with the breakup talk, then?”
“I needed you to hear me. I truly can’t stay if this continues. I want to, I want you, but I won’t be able to stay. There’s nothing I want more than to be with you and there for you. But I can’t stand back and watch something horrible happen to you. I can’t do it,” she said genuinely.
It had been a really long time since anyone had cared about his safety. Logan actually wasn’t sure anyone ever cared about his safety. His dad beat him, his mom allowed it, his sister didn’t believe him when he’d tried to go to her for help; even Lilly had slept with his dad despite knowing about the abuse. Only Veronica had cared enough to call him on his shit and fight for his wellbeing. She wasn’t wrong to do so. He really was on a self-destructive path that was leading nowhere good. If he continued, he’d not only lose her as a girlfriend, maybe he would get her killed. The thought she could be hurt because of something he’d done horrified him. Her worries that he might be hurt or killed were valid; and honestly made him feel important to her.
“I don’t want to lose you. I love you, Veronica Mars.”
She was extremely relieved. She’d gotten the conversation back on track and had gotten through to him. Even better, she didn’t have to break up with him to do so. “I love you, too, Logan Echolls. I’m going to help you through this, you can trust that. I’ll work on finding the witness that helped you on the bridge. That man could help exonerate you. Finding him could change everything.”
“Literally no one I’d trust more to help me,” Logan insisted.
She wrapped her arms tightly around his waist, and his hands reached up to gently hold her face. They looked deeply into each other’s eyes, kissed, and placed their foreheads together.