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Miles and Phoenix are dating. Maybe. Eh, they aren’t. Or maybe they are? It’s really hard for Phoenix to tell.
They haven’t discussed it. Not that Phoenix hasn’t tried to — he brings it up at least semi-regularly, in fact — but of course Miles always finds some convenient way to get out of the question. Phoenix doesn’t really push the issue too much (that would be annoying) but he thinks about it. A lot. And he really hates that he doesn’t know what to call Miles now. They’re more than friends, but Miles seems insistent on never specifying their relationship.
Phoenix thinks they’re boyfriends. Probably. He once called Miles his boyfriend and Miles seemed a bit upset by it. But what are they if not that? What other relationship could they have if Miles is sleeping over most nights and Phoenix is saying “I love you” and it’s just…
”Miles?”
“Hm?” Miles looks up at him. He’s sort of half in Phoenix’s lap, with his head resting on his chest. He looks tired, but that’s nothing new. He’s always overworked and never well-rested.
Phoenix almost says something he’s sure to regret, like asking once again what they are, because, hell, he wants to know the answer so bad, he wants to hear Miles say they’re boyfriends or partners or something, but he thinks better of it. He takes the safe route and murmurs, “I love you.”
Miles closes his eyes, smiling softly. “Love you too.” Phoenix’s heart skips a beat. It’s not that Miles never says it back, but he says it back very rarely. Phoenix kisses the top of his head and hugs him a little tighter.
Yeah, they’re definitely boyfriends, Phoenix thinks. They have to be. It just doesn’t make sense to him that Miles doesn’t like to say that, or say anything, about their relationship. They love each other. They’re boyfriends. It’s really that simple.
But it’s not that simple and maybe, deep down, Phoenix knows that. He just wants this to work out. He just wants to be happy together with his boyfriend and not have to worry about whether or not they are something. Because they should be something. And it’s weird that they’re not. And Phoenix can’t understand it.
Miles seems perfectly content with staying this way, though. He can just enjoy Phoenix’s company without having to label things. And Phoenix is sort of jealous of that. He wishes he didn’t need to understand exactly what they are to each other.
Really, though, Miles hates this situation just as much as Phoenix does. He knows damn well Phoenix is upset by his inability to label their relationship, and it’s killing him. He wants to be able to say they’re partners and be done with it, but every time he’s asked, he finds himself making some stupid excuse to leave or simply avoiding the answer.
It’s hard enough to stay here with Phoenix, to force himself not to run away from this, but to officially say they’re partners feels like such a huge commitment. He knows it wouldn’t change anything. He knows that. But it feels like it would. It feels like it would change everything. And that’s terrifying.
He likes it this way, where he can deny that they’re anything more than friends, if even that. This feels safe and familiar and generally more comfortable than what Phoenix wants. He feels bad for making Phoenix upset and confused, but…
There’s no excuse, really. He’s just shit at these things and he should be better for Phoenix. He wants to apologize, but how can he apologize if he still can’t say they’re anything? How can he say he's sorry if he can't commit to this? He doesn't deserve this. Phoenix should be leaving him because he can't admit that they're actually in a relationship. Because this isn't fair.
"Sorry," Miles finds himself saying. His eyes are still closed, but he knows Phoenix is probably giving him a confused look. Even so, he doesn't elaborate. To say what he's sorry for would be to give Phoenix the perfect opportunity to leave him or... something. And Miles is selfish. Miles won't say he's at fault for anything if it means Phoenix might leave him.
He loves Phoenix, he really, really loves Phoenix. He wants to give everything to Phoenix. But maybe he has nothing to give. Maybe if they officially take this step forward, Phoenix will realize he doesn't want this (why would anyone want to be with Miles, especially someone as amazing and wonderful and perfect as Phoenix?), and if they are officially partners, Miles can get officially broken up with.
Therein lies the fear, the reason Miles is so terrified. Somehow, maybe, he thinks it'll hurt less when Phoenix realizes Miles isn't worth his time if they never specify that they're in a relationship. If they're never dating, it will not be a breakup, it will just be Phoenix saying that he doesn't want to date Miles, and that is still rejection but it isn't as painful, in Miles's mind.
If they are never officially together, Miles's heart will never officially break. He can pass it off like it never happened, ignore the fact that he'll go and cry about it for several days and not talk to anyone for a while afterward. No one will ever know it happened, and maybe, if it isn't official, it didn't happen. This could all be some sort of dream or hallucination and Miles will never be rejected. That is good, he thinks, that is what he wants.
Because Phoenix won't stay with him, so he's just here waiting to be left and waiting for the ability to say he isn't, wasn't, and will not be dating Phoenix Wright. And Phoenix will say the same about him. Because it isn't official. Miles likes it this way.