Chapter Text
Jeongin stared down at his rippling reflection in the water. The boat bobbed lazily on the water’s surface, the ripples distorting his image just barely. The sun was hot on his skin, exposed under his loose tank and swim trunks, and for a moment, he felt a flurry of anxiety pattering under his ribs at the thought of getting a tan.
What had his life come to that the idea of getting tanned nearly made him sick to his stomach? That his skin might dry out, that sweating so much might make his face break out? His only logical concern should be sunburn, and yet his breath hitched as he imagined himself with darker, imperfect skin.
But, the anxious feeling bled away as a breeze swept over him, bringing with it the calming reminder that he didn’t have to worry about things like that anymore. There were no cameras sneaking pictures of his acne, there were no make-up artists to scold him for needing a darker foundation. He was allowed to sit under the sun and let it affect him. It was okay.
He took a deep breath and held it, tasting the salt in the air and letting it relax him even further. His muscles untensed slowly as he willed the serenity of the open ocean to envelop him. Idly, he kicked his feet against the side of the boat, the tips of his toes brushing against the cool water and making him shiver. He was sitting on the edge with the diving door swung open, leaning against the railing as he looked out on the horizon.
There were no other boats within sight. The only sounds that reached Jeongin’s ears were the shushing of waves smacking lightly against the boat, and the quiet hum of Minho’s radio inside the cabin. Jeongin couldn’t make out what song was playing. It didn’t quiet sound like anything he’d ever made, though, which was comforting. Though, he felt the now-familiar pang of guilt at Minho’s presence on the water with him. Despite his brother’s reassurances otherwise, Jeongin knew how uncomfortable the other was out on the ocean.
It was their second month sitting out a few miles off the coast of Busan. The quaint little houseboat that used to be Jeongin’s biological mother’s by now felt more like a home than any of the various dorm-rooms he’d been moved around in over the years. It was just as cramped, and yet held a far greater sense of peace than he’s felt in a long time. He wasn’t sure if it was the faint, blurry memories associated with the vessel or if it was the change of scenery as a whole.
He tilted his head up towards the sun up above and shut his eyes, soaking in its warmth. He’s been sat there since dawn, only getting up to use the bathroom or (at Minho’s insistence) eat breakfast and reapply sunscreen. It still amazed him in a way that sent his blood racing that he could just sit there for hours with no consequence. Just a few months ago, even thinking about taking an hour out of his day to sit and do nothing at all would’ve sent him into a frenzy. Even now, he still felt the itch to work work work, but the urge was fading with every day that passed.
It was… nice. For the first time in a while, he felt nice.
His ears pricked at the sound of a door swinging open, accompanied by a sudden increase in the clarity of music playing. He could tell, now, that it was some sort of low-energy foreign song. He caught a few words and snorted. As footsteps approached and a shadow fell over his face, he opened his eyes.
“Do you have any idea what that song’s about?” he asked with a raised brow.
Minho stood right behind him, blocking the sun with his body. He crossed his arms. “Not particularly, and you better not tell me. I like this song,” he said. Jeongin grinned and opened his mouth, keen on explaining the incredibly sexual undertones of the song, only to be interrupted by his brother stuffing an apple slice into his mouth. Jeongin choked around the intruding fruit. Minho smirked. “It’s time for lunch, brat. Come inside before you become Jeongin Jerky.”
“You’re trying to kill me…” Jeongin whined once he successfully consumed the apple. His stomach soon rumbled following it though, awakened by the snack, so he reluctantly hoisted himself off the edge of the boat and onto his feet.
Minho rolled his eyes at him and lightly shoved his shoulder to make him hurry up. “Yeah, yeah, whatever. Get in and eat your damn sandwich.”
Jeongin stuck out his tongue but obediently went inside. Despite himself, he let out a sigh as he entered the air-conditioned interior cabin of the houseboat. It was small - much like the size of a cheap RV - but Minho was neurotic about keeping it clean and organized, so it felt cozy rather than cramped. There was a small booth with a table set against the wall next to a small kitchen, and further in was a quaint little living room with an old couch on one side and a bookshelf on the other. They didn’t bother with setting up a true television, knowing well that they wouldn’t get any kind of signal out on the water. They did have a smaller, older television sitting on one of the lower shelves, though, hooked up with a DVD player for when they really wanted to watch a movie. A hallway between the two led to a bedroom that the brothers shared, a bathroom, and a storage closet.
He took a seat at the dining booth, where two plated sandwiches already sat on the table along with a bowl of sliced fruit. He took off the top slice of bread from his sandwich and investigated the components of it with a small frown, habitual calculations running wild as he eyed each ingredient. A clearing throat made him jump and hastily replace the bread with reddened cheeks.
“I’m not gonna poison you,” Minho said as he took a seat beside him. Minho’s sandwich was visibly more full than Jeongin’s and was accompanied by a small bag of chips, whereas Jeongin’s only had the serving of fruit.
Jeongin took the easy out offered by his brother and scoffed. “Can’t be too sure of that, hyung. You’ve tried it before. Remember dad’s birthday tteokbokki the other year?”
Minho elbowed him with a scowl. “It’s not my fault your spice tolerance is shit! You said you could handle it!”
“Excuses like that won’t hold up in prison,” Jeongin sang teasingly. He picked up his sandwich while Minho sent him a dirty look over his plate and grinned. He took a small bite. It was a simple sandwich, especially compared to Minho’s – chicken salad with a slice of tomato. Minho had made it himself, though, which naturally meant it tasted great.
Still, there was a voice in the back of his head that sounded eerily like his old manager. It’s white bread, not wheat – just eat the filling, it whispered. Better yet, you don’t need the whole thing. Better to just eat half.
He swallowed the bite and reached for a drink, blinking when he only saw brightly-colored cans of some sparkly fruit juice rather than bottles of water on the table. He glanced at Minho. His brother was half-way through his sandwich, eyes closed, with an air of carelessness about him. Jeongin bit his lip, cracked open one of the cans, and took a small sip. It made his tongue tingle and his throat burn – pleasantly, he thought.
How much sugar is in that thing? The wispy voice of his manager echoed. You don’t need to be drinking that syrup.
He took a larger gulp and set it down harder than was likely necessary. His mouth felt sticky. “Hyung?”
“Yeah?” Minho hummed.
“Can I have a bag of chips?”
One of Minho’s eyes cracked open and scrutinized him. A corner of his lips twitched upwards. “Yeah, sure,” he said, a hint of satisfaction in his voice.
Jeongin gave him a small, hesitant smile as the older tossed him a bag of plain potato chips. Progress was progress, as had been repeatedly drilled into his head over the last two months. Even if his hands shook a little as he tore open the bag, and even if his stomach drooped at the sight of the greasy little chips – he popped one into his mouth and forced himself to swallow. Progress was progress.
“How’s it been inside?” He asked, tearing his eyes away from the shine of grease on his fingertips. Conversation helped distract him, helped him to not think about it too hard.
Minho made a so-so motion with his hand. “Took a nap. Got through some of that shitty romance novel you bought me. Finished a couple of my Japanese worksheets. Took another nap. Drafted the start of a choreo to present to my class next season. Took another nap,” he listed off, counting on his fingers. Jeongin snorted and poked his brother’s leg with his foot.
“Is napping all you do, hyung? You don’t have to try that hard to defend your title as a cat,” He teased.
Minho shook a fist at him is faux-anger. “I’ll do whatever I want! You’re just jealous. Poor you, womp womp.”
“Who’d be jealous of you?” Jeongin scoffed, munching on a few more chips. He spoke with the food in his mouth, just to bother his brother even more. “At least I’m getting my Vitamin D in. You’re the only guy I know that’s ever needed to take vitamin supplements while out on a boat.”
His brother scoffed, but it was true. In the medicine box behind the mirror in their tiny, cramped bathroom was a veritable stash of supplements that Minho munched on like they were candy. Thinking about the sheer amount of pills that Minho was committed to swallowing every day made Jeongin a little nauseous, actually, but after watching it for two months straight, he was only bewildered. He was fairly certain that his brother hadn’t been that much of a health nut when he moved out, but – things changed, he supposed.
“You’re so disrespectful. I’m going to drown you tonight. Sleep with one eye open,” Minho threatened. Jeongin simply stuck his tongue out in response. He hardly even noticed when he’d finished his bag of chips, and went back to eating his sandwich.
Jeongin was back outside, though this time, there was no need to worry about tanning or getting burnt. The moon rose low in the sky, barely even a crescent, shrouding the sea in a pitch black darkness. The endless void around him made Jeongin shiver in equal parts fear and excitement. The boat had its usual blinking lights and reflectors for safety, yes, but even still, he could hardly see five feet in front of him.
That was fine, though. He was more preoccupied with the sight of the sky. He felt nearly drunk at the splattering of stars above him, utterly captivated and unable to get enough. In the heart of the city where he’s spent most of his life so far, he never really got this kind of view. Too much light pollution, and too much time spent inside working. But here, out on the open sea, there was absolutely nothing that could get in the way.
He had half a mind to wake Minho up so they could bask in it together, but he was a bit worried that his brother might actually make good on his threat of drowning him. Lonesomeness it would be, then. That was fine. He’d gotten used to being alone a long time ago.
He breathed in deeply, letting the salty ocean air fill his lungs, and held it. The burn of breathlessness was pleasant in its familiarity. The heavy exhale and subsequent rapid breaths following were all the more intoxicating for it. It was a bad habit he’d had, ever since childhood – his dad scolded him constantly, worried that he was trying to make himself pass out or some other juvenile challenge. It wasn’t what Jeongin was trying to do, but he couldn’t really articulate any other reason for his need to just – stop breathing for a moment. He couldn’t explain the urge.
His ears pricked at the ambient sound of the water hitting the sides of the boat. It was calming, like a second heartbeat. Sitting out like this, he could close his eyes and curl up in a ball, pretending he was a small child once again leaning against his mom while she fished. His chest ached at the memory, but it was an ache he cherished. Not that he disliked his step-mother, of course. She gave him Minho, after all. She was bright, and smart, and endlessly supportive – most importantly, she made his dad happy. Still… the memory of his biological mom sat in a special little box in his mind, precious.
An especially hard wave knocked against the boat. Jeongin reopened his eyes and carefully approached the railing. He looked out over the dark, endless expanse of the water with curiosity. The safety lights of the boat glittered overtop the surface of the water, shining on the peaks of the waves as they crested closer.
Deducing that it was just a particularly large fish – a shark, perhaps – Jeongin sighed, and leaned his head on his hand, simply staring out into the sea. He was tired. It was a bone-deep tired that seeped into his very soul, it felt like. Tired of the sun rising and setting, tired of the air in his lungs. And yet, still not tired enough to go to sleep. He’d tried, of course, for his brother’s sake, but it was fruitless.
Maybe I should try sleeping pills again, he thought, though his face twisted unhappily at it. Just thinking about it made the bitter, acrid taste rise back into his mouth. He’d rather not get pills again if he could help it.
He sighed again. He just wanted to relax…
After a few minutes, he felt a hum build in his throat. Despite the exhaustion and stress that seemed to permeate his life these days, he still felt that near-bodily urge to sing. It was like there was something clawing out from inside him, demanding to be heard – the same way he felt hunger and thirst, he felt the need to sing. Out of everything that’s crashed and burned, his love for singing was one of the few things that hadn’t been extinguished fully.
He opened his mouth and let his voice carry softly out over the open waves. At first, it was wordless, just simple notes that made his mouth tingle and his chest rumble. He was careful to be quiet enough to not risk waking Minho up, but it wasn’t a bother, because he enjoyed this type of whisper-singing, too. It felt intimate despite him being alone, like a lover’s caress.
Eventually, though, the notes took form. Before he knew it, he was singing along to one of the songs from his debut album. He could imagine the instrumentals in the back of his head as his lips formed the familiar words, his body twitching every so often with the muscle memory urge to follow the choreography. It had been the only ballad on his debut album, and remained one of his favorite releases to this day. Though, as the years went on, he had fewer and fewer chances to perform it – it had been cut out of the setlist for his first tour entirely.
The song rose and fell in the air. A familiar energy tingled in Jeongin’s fingertips, one that relaxed him and made his skin stop feeling so tight. Over the past two months that he’s spent on his hiatus, he’s found that the nights that he sang for the ocean were the only nights he got any degree of sleep. The waves stilled as if the ocean itself was holding its breath to listen to him sing.
After a few minutes, he finished the last verse, and fell quiet. The sea was silent in a way that should’ve concerned him, but at that moment, it simply felt peaceful. This, he thought, is what healing must feel like.
“Why did you stop singing?”
Jeongin choked on a scream as he flailed, stumbling away from the railing and falling over on his ass. He clutched his chest as he continued to scramble away on the deck, his eyes wide. He heard a squeak, and then a splash. Then, nothing except for his own racing breaths.
What was that? Was he hallucinating voices now? No way he was that crazy – no way, no way! He refused to believe it!
He fought his rabbiting heart back under control. Slowly, he crawled back towards the railing. He swallowed harshly as he pulled himself back up. His mind ran rampant, trying to understand what had just happened. He heard a voice – right? Or was he just imagining it? Was that the sound of his conscious, berating him for his choices?
He cautiously leaned over the railing, scanning the waters. The sea was back to rocking the boat gently, tiny waves pattering against the hull. Jeongin wasn’t even sure what he was looking for, to be honest. A fish, maybe? One that had splashed up, and then he mistook the sound of the water for a voice? It was stupidly far-fetched, but what else could it have been?
Then, he saw a flash of color. It stood out starkly against the dark waters. A long, long trail of bright yellow and blue, just barely skimming the surface of the waves. Thick, too, thicker than any eel he could think of – he imagined it was easily the size of his waist. His breath hitched as he watched what he could only assume to be the tail end of some kind of monster fish disappear back underneath the boat.
“What the hell…?” He muttered. He suddenly wanted to wake Minho up very, very badly. What would he say, though? He saw a monster in the water and got spooked? He heard voices come from nowhere? His brother would freak, and not for the same reasons Jeongin was freaking out.
He leaned over a bit more, trying to catch another peek. He gasped as the water began to ripple. A shape appeared in the water – pale, and getting steadily larger. Jeongin narrowed his eyes, trying to decipher what he was looking at. It almost looked like…
A face broke the surface of the water. Water droplets dripped down sculpted cheeks and pale skin. Blonde hair stuck to the neck, long and shiny. Deep black irises stared back at him framed by long eyelashes. A mole sat underneath one eye. Slowly, they blinked, and plump pink lips formed an ‘o’ shape.
Jeongin couldn’t tear his eyes away from what was surely the most beautiful person he’s ever seen – and that’s coming from someone who’s been in the idol industry since he was a teenager. He’s seen plenty of attractive folks, but the creature in the water easily made them all look like bugs in comparison.
He said ‘creature,’ too, because he then began to notice the fins. Bright yellow fins, nearly blending into the brilliant blonde of their hair, poked out from their head and twitched. They briefly rose up to fan out, reminding Jeongin oddly enough of a cat raising its ears, before pressing back down and once more becoming hidden.
“Did I scare you? I’m sorry,” the creature said. Jeongin was so captivated by its voice (which he clearly recognized, now, as being the same one he’d heard earlier) that he almost didn’t notice the sharp teeth its his mouth. Almost.
Jeongin found that he couldn’t speak, frozen to the spot. His throat was dry.
The creature’s brows furrowed, and it rose higher out of the water. It had no clothes, as far as Jeongin could see. Jeongin could see a lot, too. He was sure he would’ve been blushing if it weren’t for the terror pinning him to the ground.
“Are you alright?” The creature asked, tilting its head to the side questioningly. Jeongin noticed the, as well as the fins on its head, it had another much larger fin running from the base of its neck down its spine. He could see hints of blue around the creature’s bare waist. At his continued lack of response, the creature frowned. “Are you hurt? I’m here to help.”
“…Help?” Jeongin managed to mutter, confusion temporarily overtaking his fear.
The creature perked up hearing his voice. “Yes, help,” it said, nodding firmly. “My pod’s been tracking your singing for a moon now. You sound so sad…” The creature’s tone dipped, as if hurt by this.
Jeongin blinked slowly. “You’ve been… listening to me?” He didn’t know if he felt flattered that a monster listened to him sing, or creeped out at having been stalked like that. Either way, the creature nodded.
“You’re stuck up on this floating island, right? I’ve heard another person up there with you, sometimes. Are you being held prisoner?” The creature rose up even further out of the water, nearly nose-to-nose with him now. Jeongin saw how its pale skin gradually turned blue the further down its body he looked, how even the texture of its skin visibly changed with the color. “I can get you off. I can even get my pod to help sink the island, if you need us to. You have a beautiful voice – we want to help.”
It took a few minutes for Jeongin to decipher the creature’s strange words. Once he did, he was back to feeling terrified. He threw himself back and away from the railing, putting as much space between them as he could. “Don’t you dare! Leave my boat alone!” He hissed, fists clenching. The thought of his mom’s houseboat being sunk made his blood heat up. It was a precious, precious thing to him. He wouldn’t let anyone touch it.
Clawed, webbed hands grabbed onto the railing. The creature pulled itself up, not climbing onto the deck, but allowing it to see Jeongin. Its eyes were sharp and beady. He didn’t know how he’d felt so entranced by it earlier.
“Okay, we’ll leave the island alone. That’s not a problem,” it said, voice maddeningly calm – as if trying to soothe a frightened animal. “Let me help you into the water, though. You won’t have to go through Shift alone – my pod will take care of you.”
“I’m not going anywhere with you, you – monster,” Jeongin spat out, putting on a braver face than he felt. He kept backing away until his back his the railing on the other side of the deck. Glancing down, he sucked in a breath when he saw flashes of bright yellow in the water. It had to be the creature’s tail. Just how long was it?
The creature flinched back as if struck. “M… monster?” It whispered. “Why would you say that…?”
Jeongin gritted his teeth. “I don’t know what you are, but you can’t trick me. I know Ariel isn’t real. My dad’s a folklorist – I know real mermaids eat people in the stories. Now, get away from me!”
“Who’s Ariel?” The creature asked. It shook its head hard, its fins flapping in the air. When it looked back to Jeongin, its face was set firm, its sharp teeth peeking out from its mouth. “Listen, you’ve been out of the water for too long. You’re going mad. You can trust me though, okay? I have podmates who like to Shift. E, Even if you’ve forgotten how to Shift - we can help you.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, and I don’t care,” Jeongin said, “But I’m not an idiot. Leave me alone.”
For a long moment, the creature didn’t say anything. A chill went down Jeongin’s spine from how intensely it scrutinized him. A cool wind blew over the deck, and he saw it shiver a little. Its frown deepened, and deepened, and then without a word it dove back into the water with a splash!
Jeongin waited one minute, then two. He looked over the railing on this side of the deck, then cautiously approached the other side. He saw nothing either way, only the faintest ripples in the water. Wheezing lightly, he lowered himself to the ground and grabbed his knees, mumbling to himself to keep his breathing steady. He felt unmoored, like something deep within in shifted irrevocably. He could still see the pale skin and bright scaled beneath his eyelids, could still hear that melodious voice ringing in his ears.
He just saw a Mermaid. Or – Merman? Merperson? Did it matter? He saw a Merperson.
Oh god, Minho was going to think he was crazy. He couldn’t let him know this happened. Frankly, it was a miracle his brother didn’t wake up from his shouting.
Jeongin’s mind reeled. A Merperson. It had been speaking absolute nonsense, but – it had been polite, at least? Or so he thought. Though, it did threaten to capsize his boat. Minus points for that.
A Merperson. “Jesus Christ,” he muttered to himself, and then pulled on his hair. He had to be going crazy.