Chapter Text
The night is endless and ever present. The clouds above blind the sights of what lights may brighten the path forward and leave only a trail of soot, stone and leaves. If not for your flashlight, you wouldn’t know you were exploring the recesses of tangled branches and bushes. With your self-provided guidance into the sprawling wilderness, you press on forward.
You are the Pizza Minster, or PM for short. Your job isn’t particularly fulfilling, as is standard for mediocre minimum wage jobs like these, but it at least keeps the bills paid. Currently, though, you’ve been experiencing a bit of a financial drought. Who knew that working for literal bare minimum would mean you’re more susceptible to skyrocketing inflation rates. To counteract this, you have chosen to work an exuberant amount of overtime recently, leading to increasingly more peculiar situations such as this one, where you have been positioned to walk through a particularly dreary forest at twelve in the morning. Fantastic.
As you make your way through the woods, trotting along a remarkably well kept path, your destination becomes increasingly clear. Situated squarely in the clearing ahead of you lies a large, imposing structure. Its angular roof pierces the sky and its figure looms across the thicket. As you get closer, the age of the house begins to show. Its wood is cracked from top to bottom and there’s an aura of mold and moss permeating its exterior. As your carapacian feet land on the creaking steps, you feel as though it could cave in at any moment. Yet, as you continue forward, the planks beneath you hold sturdy.
You now stand directly facing the supposed entrance to this dilapidated abode. The windows on either side are completely boarded up with contrasting wood that makes the haste of the action all the more apparent. You ponder cutting your losses and doubling back across this olden path. Whoever-or whatever-called you here, could very well be looking for more of a meal than the simple pizza to be held between your shaking hands. You stand frozen and petrified, pondering your choices, before ultimately pushing forward. Sure, it may be minimum wage, but you’ve got a job to do and a dream to accomplish. Today it’s pizza, but soon it could be mail, and the mail never fails.
You flick your flashlight off, place it into your pizza uniform’s convenient front pocket, and hesitantly knock on the decrepit door in front of you. Within moments, you hear the bone-chilling sounds of an infernal hound from within the home’s echoed walls. This is it, you think. The barking continues. Your game ends here. Steps approach from the other side of the wall. You’re about to be no more. The door creaks open in front of you. Donezo.
You brace, close your eyes and prepare for the inevitable, gripping your legs with enough force to shatter the floor that your blood will soon be spilt across. However, nothing happens. You open your eyes and look up, seeing a tall, ghastly figure positioned within the walkway.
KANAYA: Hello
She speaks with a deep, pacifying tone. Upon closer inspection, she appears to be a troll. Two long, spiked horns sit upon her head, with one bent downwards. Her outfit is gothic, yet simplistic, with a silky black dress flowing down her body and a long black cloak chained around her shoulders and draped down her back.
KANAYA: You Are The Deliverer Of The Pizza, Correct?
…
What?
KANAYA: The Pizza
KANAYA: That We Ordered
KANAYA: You Are The One Who Is Delivering It, Correct?
Oh, right. You had almost completely forgotten about that.
JADE: kanaya! you’re confusing her!
The tall troll lady is moved to one side of the doorway by a human girl with a black hoodie and… are those dog ears?
JADE: sorry about her, she’s not used to talking to people!
KANAYA: That’s Quite Insulting
KANAYA: I Would Find Myself Particularly Well Adjusted To Manners Of Conversation
JADE: yeah right! you talk like knock-off shakespeare!
KANAYA: That Is Quite Rich Coming From You
KANAYA: Your Dialect Is Confusing And Incomprehensible
JADE: “lol” isn’t that hard to understand kanaya!
KANAYA: What Was That Noise You Made Just Now
KANAYA: Could It Have Been Another One Of Your Meaningless Modernisms
JADE: oh my goddd kan!!!
Despite being specifically called here, you feel like you’re intruding on something.
ROSE: Girls, I think you’re forgetting something.
Another voice calls out from inside the house. Through the playful banter in front of you, you’re able to take a peak at the gothic woman behind these two squabbling girls.
JADE: what?
JADE: oh, right!
The dog-eared one turns to you, and gives a pleasant, fanged smile.
JADE: could we have our pizza, please?
You blink, barely remembering why you’re actually here in the first place. You stumble grabbing the all meat pizza and no-garlic garlic bread out of the bag and hand both to the girl in front of you.
JADE: thank you very much!
JADE: aradia, could you take this?
She turns around and holds the pizza outwards, before handing it to a… ghost? Troll ghost? You suddenly understand jack shit.
ARADIA: did y0u remember t0 tip her?
JADE: was just about to!
ARADIA: g00d 0u0
The dog-girl-thing turns back around and pulls a bit of money out of her pocket. She hands all of it to you as you sit there, stunned.
JADE: thank you!
JADE: have a nice night :D
She closes the door, and you stand there for another solid minute, completely frozen. Later, you would discuss this with your boss, who would, confused, let you know that no one has lived at that house in seventy years. Right now, however, you are still standing on a porch older than you, staring down at the green paper within your hands.
…
She tipped you 80 fucking dollars.
…
You are definitely delivering here again.