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He's trying not to read into it, but Heavens above it is as if Zhao Yuanzhou has made it his personal mission to make it anything but what it probably was -- banter, the kind of joking around you do with your team members, friendly exchanges, or something of that sort. Anything, at this point anything would be better than what it could be.
Because at this point, it would be easy to fall for the great demon's charms.
Simple, in fact, to just throw common sense to the wind and give in to the way Zhao Yuanzhou lingers a beat too long when their hands touch or when their gazes meet over the dinner table. It would be child's play to call him to his private rooms, share a pot of wine under the moon, and ask him outright what he meant when he said this or that.
And if giving in meant he doesn't have to sleep in a too big bed alone? Would that be so bad?
Xiao Zhuo reels those thoughts back with decisive viciousness and buries them six feet deep. There's no reason for him to indulge his heart like this. Not even if logically he can read between the lines when Wen Xiao gently cautions him to be careful with his affections and Ying Lei breezily tells him that his eyes are the most transparent things he has ever seen.
No. Easier to believe that Zhao Yuanzhou means nothing more than friendly banter than to risk getting it all wrong.
Xiao Zhuo would happily live a long forever just basking in the warmth of the demon's gaze. Would have been content with the unspoken thing between them always hanging in the air above, never resolved but never unspooled.
Would have, had it not happened.
Zhao Yuanzhou sits on the soft grass, robes splayed out. Serene, leaning against the tree trunk, looks like a handsome, rich master taking a rest in the middle of his day. Xiao Zhuo allows himself to admire him, committing the way the sunlight dapples over his eyes, the way the breeze undoes his hair at the temple.
In a way, Xiao Zhuo could fill entire libraries with what his heart wants to say about the demon. All the poetry in the world fails to even measure up to a single drop in the bucket of all the things he feels in his heart about Zhao Yuanzhou.
"Are you here to scold me or are you here to invite me for a drink?"
The great demon's voice is soft in the quiet, but it rings in Xiao Zhuo's ear, sending a flurry of butterflies flying in his belly. Looking over at him again, the demon is blinking slowly at him, lips a soft curl of amusement.
"If you're here for the former, come closer. If you're here about the latter, well." Zhao Yuanzhou lifts his bottle, shaking it. "I hope you brought your own."
Xiao Zhuo feels his feet move his body before he even registers to do it. "I..." He starts, then falters. In his searching for the right words to string together, a hand comes to rest over his own. Gentle touch sliding over his wrist, tugging him down to where the great demon is three parts amused, three parts fond.
"Here." Xiao Zhuo hands over the jade pendant he kept in his lapels. "For your replenishment."
"Ah, our Xiao Zhuo-daren cares for me that much." Zhao Yuanzhou laughs gaily. "If I were a lady, I would have taken this as a love token."
Impossibly, Xiao Zhuo's heart skips a beat at that. Looking down at the fine jade that he had chosen with great deliberation from his family's collection in Zhao Yuanzhou's elegant palm, he swallows tightly. "What if I wanted you to? Take it as a love token, I mean."
A stunned silence falls through the hush of the courtyard and Xiao Zhuo immediately regrets saying anything. Making to pull away, he quickly thinks up an excuse, not daring to meet the demon's gaze. He has a palm's width of space between them, when Zhao Yuanzhou tugs him back.
"What if I accept?"
Xiao Zhuo's mind blanks out. Head snapping up, he makes contact with Zhao Yuanzhou's eyes. Despite everything, hope springs in his chest.
"What if I accept your love token? This one and every single one that comes after?" Zhao Yuanzhou asks. His voice pitched low and gentle as if trying to get him to understand something he's still not quite getting.
"Do you... Do you know what it would mean?"
"I do." Zhao Yuanzhou answers. Smiling, the demon's eyes searches his face. "Do you?"
Xiao Zhuo turns his sight on their hands. A surge of affection burns through him like a sudden summer storm. Bringing Zhao Yuanzhou's palm to his lips, he kisses his lifeline and turns it over to kiss over his knuckles. With a shaky exhale, he nods. "I do."
The demon's smile falters at that. "Everything in me tells me I shouldn't reciprocate. That I should protect you from the pain of what's coming next." Zhao Yuanzhou murmurs, almost sadly "I feel like I've dragged you into my pain."
Xiao Zhuo cradles him by the cheek, bringing their brows together. Licking his lips, he summons his bravery and tilts his head for the softest brush of their mouths. "I got here just fine on my own." He whispers into the seam of the demon's little smile. "But I appreciate the company."
The bark of laughter they share is swallowed up in the kisses they trade between breathing in each other. Vaguely, Xiao Zhuo is aware of the presence of another at the edge of the courtyard and a surprised little, "Oh my!"
Distantly, he thinks someone else says, "Took them long enough." But contentment in how he has his demon in his arms, the feel and the weight of his body being held so securely against Xiao Zhuo's, makes him heavy-hearted to pull away.
And so, he doesn't. Happy enough to drown under the thicket of kisses he shares with the one who makes his heart beat.