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"Your favorite Supreme Duke of Chaos is home!" Remus gleefully announced as he closed the front door in a totally not suspicious at all manner. "Didn't know our Supreme Duke of Chaos is a Pirate now. What's with the eyepatch?" Virgil asked noticing the black and green bedazzled eyepatch on Remus' eye. "Oh this old thing? I thought it would spice up my outfit a little, so is it giving sexy Pirate Captain or what?" Remus playfully posed.
Janus, The Lord of The Lies, immediately sensed a lie from his best friend's response. If Remus 'There is no rhyme or reason to what I do, I just do. A-skoodely-boo' Sanders didn't tell the truth it would mean he either did something or he just wants to start trouble but either way the half serpentine Side did not miss out on singing a whole New Years song about lies to be out fibbed by the chaotic Duke so he wanted answers. "It's giving take off the eyepatch and show us what you're hiding." He demanded. "Fiiine." Remus dramatically sighed and took off the eyepatch, revealing a black eye not even his eyeshadow could cover.
"Ree, what the hell happened!?" Virgil rushed to Remus' side along with Jan Man. "It might seem crazy what I'm about to say." Remus sang in the tune of Pharrell Williams.
"Remus, you say the most unhinged shit on the daily just spit it out-"
"I fought John Cena in a Denny's parking lot."
"You what!?" Virgil and Janus exclaimed in shocked unison. "Yeah! Turns out if you try rizzing him up by dramatically serenading him with 'Somebody To Love' by Queen to sneakily steal his food, he'll slam you on a table in a not so hot Gay way and next thing you know you have to take a fight outside! Totally kicked his ass though, they should be putting me on WWE!" Remus casually explained. "No they should not." Virgil protested, gently holding an ice pack on Remus' eye as he guided him to sit down on the couch.
"Wait, so let me get this straight-"
"It was not."
"You're telling us you went to a Denny's in the middle of the night, spotted John Cena, decided that the best way to distract him from catching you steal his food was hitting on him by singing Queen lyrics, and then he assaulted you because he caught you?"
"Mmhmm!"
"1. I taught you better methods than that and 2. Are you sure he's still uncon-"
Janus' question was suddenly interrupted and quite literally answered when they all heard 'The Time Is Now' by John Cena playing in the distance followed with a loud knock at the door. Before Remus could get up and do anything stupid, Virgil quickly covered the chaotic Duke's mouth and forced his shoulders down with his free arm to keep him sat while Janus opened the door to see a beaten up John Cena.
"Is there a Remus fucking Sanders here?"
"Uhh..." Janus glanced at the still mouth covered Remus who was frantically nodding his head, desperately looking like he wanted to both make a suggestive comment and get a round two on the former wrestler. "No? But now that you mentioned it I think he went that way." The certified liar pointed to a random direction that led to a forrest.
"Thanks... Asshole thought he could get away with trying to play games with my heart by serenading me with Queen just to try to steal my pancakes, like who does that to a man!?"
"I know, the nerve of some people." Janus tried to play along to quickly get the man the fuck away from their doorstep.
"Yeah... Anyways, I gotta go and check that area before I lose him. Also you better not be lying cause if I find out he's been here the whole time I'm kicking both of your asses."
"You have nothing to worry about Mr. Cena."
"Good." The former wrestler did his signature 'You Can't See Me' face wave before walking away to the directon of the forrest which followed with Janus immediately closing and locking the door and Virgil letting Remus go after. "From now on if you want breakfast in the middle of the night we're cooking it for you." "Yes!" Remus cackled and fist pumped victoriously.
"You're also banned from going to places on your own."
"No!"