Work Text:
TW: Depression
~Shen Yuan didn’t know why his pillow was wet with his tears. He had everything. A livable life, no more plot threats that could actively kill him, and a loving husband that he wouldn't trade the world for.
But just for a second he thought he could feel the embrace of his mother’s arms-
No. No that was probably nothing. What was Shen Yuan even thinking? This was his life now! He was happy! He was really happy!
“Shizun?” His bleak thoughts were broken off by said husband. He looked like he was ready to drop the tray of delicious food that he had meticulously cooked just for his master and run over to hold Shen Yuan if needed. “Is Shizun alright?”
Shen Qingqiu sniffled but shook his head.
“This Master is alright. What did Binghe cook this morning?” He tried to change the subject.
It's not like Binghe could do anything about Shen Yuan’s grief for his family anyways. Protagonist halo or not, he can't travel dimensions.
[System Loading…]
Shizun was having one of those days again.
It wasn't hard for Binghe to notice. He noticed ever since the Qi Deviation that had changed both of their lives.
The distant look in his eyes, the inability to do anything without help, and if Binghe didn't bring food to bed, Shizun wouldn't eat.
He had those days too but after their wedding they were getting less and less because Binghe knew that if he ever felt upset, Shizun would always be there for him.
The Qing Jing Peak lord hid it well but the Demon Emperor was proud enough to say that he knew every one of Shizun’s ticks.
But even if you weren't Luo Binghe and you didn't know Shizun from front to back, it was pretty obvious that there was something wrong.
Why didn't Shizun think that Binghe wouldn't be there for him if he needed help as well? Was there something wrong with him? Was he hiding some large secret that threatens their marriage?!
Binghe respected Shizun’s privacy but maybe possibly he needed to ask him why he had those days.
[System Loading…]
Shen Yuan’s sister was a fujoshi. She would love to see what had happened to the proud stallion novel of Proud Immortal Demon Way. She would read over Shen Yuan’s shoulder in the hospital and was a hardcore MingLingYing shipper.
Back then, he would vehemently tell her that they're not canon! They’re close friends! What part of ‘they held each other closely, hands entwined as they watched Luo Binghe defeat the sun demon as meteors were falling from the sky’ makes it seem like they were lovers?!
Shen Yuan snorted to himself lightly as his head was still on his writing desk.
Well, shows what he knew about lovers chemistry.
It didn’t help that Airplane had once confided, late one night, that he’d always planned to make the three of them canon anyway —at least before he started cashing in on horny idiots who just wanted their weekly fetish fixed by the wife of the week. Something about needing ‘more representation in media,’ though Shen Yuan couldn’t quite remember because he was busy smacking him for his dear life.
If Shen Yuan was… in that world he owed his meimei 145 yuan.
She would show her (actually well written) fanfiction for him to critique and beta. She would be the friend Shen Yuan needed when the rest of his family were busy with the company.
Man, Shen Yuan missed the internet. Everyone used to be just a dm away.
He sure didn't miss the constant poking of IV’s of that life. Or the pungent smell of the hospital or the fact he would have to breathe in his inhaler just to climb stairs.
He also missed memes. And Youtube. And bashing on Reddit analysis’ about PIDW.
And his Mom.
Shen Yuan’s hand twitched on his fan when he heard Luo Binghe step into their room. In a swift motion, he covered it over his face.
“Binghe. You’re early today, Did the meeting with the underground seekers go successfully?” He asked trying to act normal, but it was so hard to do so on these types of days.
The days where Shen Yuan didn't even want to leave bed. The damned System can only mock him by having a whole album of his memories of his previous life and the more he lived on, the more those photos got deleted.
He was forgetting the faces of his Meimei, his brothers, his dad, and his mom. What kind of person is he?! What kind of person forgets the faces of his family?!
“May this disciple lay with Shizun in bed?” Binghe broke through the scribbling thoughts in his head.
The Peak Lord blinked.
“Binghe.” His voice cracked. “This Master is not in the mood for anything right now.” Shen Yuan’s husband shook his head.
“This lowly one didn't mean that Shizun! I meant it literally. Can we just… lay in bed together?”
That was the protagonist. It was like he could read his mind.
All it took was a simple nod and Binghe jumped on the bed like a golden retriever and made himself comfortable on his side. He patted Shen Yuan’s side and he gave a small smile as he also lay in bed, leaning his head on Binghe’s chest.
Shen Yuan was usually the big spoon during their cuddles, it was nice being held as much as he didn't want to admit it.
Shen Yuan could be himself in front of Binghe. He could openly bash badly written books in front of him, he could be as clingy as his husband behind closed doors-
“This disciple thinks about his mother sometimes.” Binghe admitted quietly but then he drops the formality altogether.
“I think about the things I could never do for her that I could do now and the things that I couldn't say to her.”
Wait, what? What brought that up?
“Did Shizun know? This pathetic disciple of yours never even said ‘I love you’ to his mother.” Even though Binghe was being the big spoon right now, he was holding Shen Qingqiu like he was the little spoon.
“This Master didn't either.” Shen Yuan revealed, muffled in his husband’s robes.
“Shizun?”
“My family is too far for me to contact, It’s been so long since I’ve seen them.” Let Binghe take that in as he wanted to. Shen Yuan wasn't emotionally ready yet to reveal his whole past.
“I had a loving Mother and Father, two brothers and a younger sister.” He kept speaking. Fuck it, this Master was tired!
“Shizun has a big family. This disciple assumes that they loved Shizun right?” The protagonist said conversationally.
Shen Yuan didn't know why, but that sentence was the sentence that broke the dam.
“I miss them!, Binghe! I’m starting to forget their faces! You don’t deserve this Master when he can't even remember what his family looks like-!”
Luo Binghe held him in a tight embrace, covering his whole body with his familiar ashy scent.
Just like-
“The only thing this disciple has left of his Mother is the jade guanyin pendant that Shizun saved. I don't remember my Mother’s smile nor her laugh. But this disciple knows that Shizun’s family must be missing him as much as Shizun misses them. It doesn't take any love away if Shizun can't meet with them due to circumstances so try and stop feeling guilty. Alright, Shizun?”
This damn- fucking airplane and him making every word Binghe speak sound like prose.
God I love him too much.
This time and from then on, Shen Yuan didn't hide his tears.