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Cloud shuffled down the hall and into the bathroom for a morning shower. He eyed the wall by the tub to make sure he had walked into the right one. Good—no feathers. He had discovered that when Sephiroth showered, he stuck loose feathers on the wall so he didn’t have to keep interrupting his shower to throw them in the garbage. And he usually didn’t immediately collect them when he stepped out of the shower.
Living with him and Zack was certainly an interesting experience. There were definite personality clashes, mostly with that and other feather-related problems. Cloud sometimes escaped to his old house when he needed a breather. But he always came back. Living alone was nice for being able to do everything one’s own way, but it was also extremely lonely—especially when he was living alone because the house’s other resident was dead.
The last time he had gone back to his house had been after the discovery of the wet feathers on the wall of Sephiroth’s bathroom. And as luck would have it, of course he had immediately found a feather caught in the couch cushion that he had missed before. He had stared at it, at the point of screaming by then, and slammed it down on the end table.
He had nightmares sometimes about Sephiroth never waking up after their disastrous experience in the snow. They usually involved him going home in despair, finding feathers in everything, and breaking down sobbing to realize there would never be any more of them. He’d had one of those nightmares that day too, dozing on the ratty old couch.
In the present, he ran the soap over his leathery wing as he worked. At least this was easy maintenance; he honestly didn’t know if he could even deal with having feathery wings when it upset him so much to find feathers all over the place. He didn’t know how Sephiroth had the patience for tending to three wings as well as his long hair.
His mind wandered again, back to that day recently when he had gone back home.
A knock on the front door startled Cloud out of his nightmare. He looked up blearily. “Yeah, what is it?” he mumbled.
Zack came in through the unlocked door. “Just wondered how you’re doing, Pal,” he said.
Cloud sat up, brushing his bangs out of his eyes. He grunted in response and then said, “How do you deal with living with Sephiroth? I mean, don’t you find anything hard about it at all?”
Zack shrugged. “Not really,” he said. “But I’m more easy-going than you, Cloud.”
Cloud flicked his wing. “Yeah, I know.” He sighed and leaned back, staring at the ceiling. “I wonder how Sephiroth’s parents handled it. It must have been hard, suddenly having their kid sprout wings. They would have had to take care of them until he was old enough to do it. Too bad they’re not here to ask.” And then he made a face, disappointed in himself for that flippant comment.
Zack came over to sit on the couch with him. “You know, if it really bugs you so much, maybe ask Seph if there’s a book or something they might have put together telling what they did?”
“Maybe,” Cloud said. “But they might not have written it in any book. I’m wondering how they just didn’t go nuts.” His wing drooped. “What if loving Sephiroth really is the key and me still struggling with this means I don’t love him enough?”
Zack looked at him in concern. “Hey.” He laid a hand on Cloud’s shoulder. “We both know you love him. You saved his life with that love even before you realized it yourself! I don’t think it gets much stronger than that. Nobody agrees on everything people do, even when they love them. So finding loose feathers is your biggest pet peeve. That doesn’t mean you love Seph less! My mom talked about how she and my dad struggled dealing with their big pet peeves. She told me she was still frustrated by stuff my dad did.”
“But they loved each other enough to deal with those things anyway,” Cloud said. “Do I love Sephiroth enough to put up with the feathers? If I just can’t take it, I’ll feel like a failure and a fraud. I said I’d rather have feathers on everything if that meant Sephiroth was alive and well.”
“And?” Zack prompted.
“And . . . I still hate finding them, but the alternative is worse.” Cloud sighed. “Yeah, I still want to try to make this work.”
“I think you’re gonna make it too,” Zack encouraged. “I mean, Seph already knew that was something you struggle with about him, but he asked you to come live with us anyway. He figured you’d pull through.”
“He believes in me more than I believe in myself sometimes,” Cloud said. “Weird to realize that after thinking he was trying to drive me to the darkness.”
Zack nodded and smiled. “It’s gonna be okay, Cloud. And hey, maybe after you get used to things more, you’ll love the wings just because they’re Seph’s.”
That was an interesting thought. He didn’t really dislike the wings; they were beautiful and strong and useful. He only disliked how the feathers would come off everywhere. And . . . maybe he also disliked Sephiroth’s nonchalant attitude about it. In fact, maybe that was what annoyed him the most. But then again, why wouldn’t Sephiroth be nonchalant about it? He was used to it, not to mention proud of his wings.
And suddenly a weird thought hit Cloud that he had not even considered before. He stopped shampooing his hair, his hands poised among the spikes as alarm flashed through his eyes. He quickly finished showering and hurried out of the bathroom, drying his hair.
He found Sephiroth in the hall, gazing thoughtfully at a framed photograph on the wall. Not even stopping to glance at the picture to see what it was, Cloud blurted, “Do you molt?”
Sephiroth turned to look at him. “What?”
Cloud flamed red. “You know—molt, like birds do.”
“Of course,” Sephiroth responded matter-of-factly. Smirking a bit, he added, “Don’t worry, Cloud; at least it’s a partial molt. I don’t drop everything at the same time.”
“Oh.” Cloud sighed. “Sorry. I . . . just suddenly thought about it and realized I didn’t really know. I mean, I guess I never thought about it that maybe the feathers drop because of molting. I was thinking of it like how there’s always loose hairs coming out on people.”
“It is like that,” Sephiroth said. “As far as the actual molting goes, it’s closest to how birds such as eagles will molt the important feathers gradually so as not to lose flight.”
“That’s . . . interesting,” Cloud had to admit. “Is it hard to adjust to that going on?”
“Not really,” Sephiroth said. “I am always able to fly. I suppose the hardest adjustment is when primary feathers are visibly missing.” A dark smirk. “I don’t like how that looks.”
Cloud snorted. “Yeah, you wouldn’t.” He hesitated. “What about personality changes? I remember Aerith talking about molting birds acting different.”
“I’m always the same,” Sephiroth assured him. “Unless I’m slightly irritable from the primaries missing, but I’m not likely to show that if I can help it.”
“So you have pin feathers and stuff too?” Cloud wondered. “I mean . . . I heard those can be painful. I want to know so I’m careful I don’t hurt them.”
“They’re mainly painful if they get damaged,” Sephiroth said. “Blood flows through them when they first grow in. If one is cut, it bleeds a lot.”
“That’s . . . wow, I never knew that.” Cloud frowned a bit. “Sounds tough.”
Sephiroth shrugged. “It’s just how it is. I’m used to it after having wings most of my life.”
“Did your parents do things to help you through it?” Cloud asked. Funny how originally he had been thinking of that to see if there was anything to help himself through it. Now he was just concerned about Sephiroth.
“They kept me comfortable and made sure I didn’t play too rough,” Sephiroth said. “Sometimes they would gently stroke the wings to soothe them.”
Well, Cloud wouldn’t feel comfortable doing that. At least, not yet. But . . . “Sounds like something Zack would do too,” he remarked.
Sephiroth smiled a bit. “He does. He has a very good hand.”
Cloud shifted. “. . . Sorry I still get frustrated about the feathers around,” he said at last.
“I could do more to remove them quicker when I know it frustrates you,” Sephiroth admitted. “I suppose I should.”
Cloud scowled. “It’s like you said, I overreact. I could have just gone in the other bathroom to shower instead of freaking out when I found the feathers on the wall.”
“Yes, that would have been a more normal reaction,” Sephiroth said dryly. He smiled slightly as he added, “But you’re doing that now. It was just the initial shock that bent you out of shape.”
“Guess so,” Cloud said.
Sephiroth hesitated. “Perhaps I don’t always clean them up right away because I . . . just want to be fully accepted with all of my idiosyncrasies, including that. My wings are a huge part of my life.”
“I know. And . . . they’re nice. I do like them.” Cloud reached out slowly, hesitantly, and lightly touched the upper wing. Sephiroth let him, spreading it a bit so Cloud could get at it better.
“I can’t imagine you without them,” Cloud said then. “Or the feathers. I . . . don’t want to be frustrated about them. I want to feel like Zack does.”
Sephiroth smiled a bit, pleased. “Well. Wanting it is the first step,” he said.
Cloud petted the wing more and it twitched out of reflex. “It was probably mostly your wings that kept us alive out in the snow,” he said. “And the fire you started.”
Sephiroth nodded. “Yes, I would assume so.”
“I remember feeling warm . . . good. I didn’t want to move and go back to the cold.” Cloud looked down at the lower wings, spread out on either side so they weren’t dragging on the floor. They were thinner than the larger wing, but Cloud remembered them being just as soft and warm. He didn’t move to touch them, however. Being lower, they somehow seemed more off-limits and intimate.
Sephiroth raised them a bit. “It’s alright to touch them too, if you want,” he said.
Cloud flushed but slowly brushed his fingertips against them. They were indeed very soft.
“Sephiroth . . . why are you letting me do this when you know I’ve been frustrated?” he finally asked. “Why would you want me to touch your wings?”
“Because I can see you want to learn and understand,” Sephiroth replied.
Cloud slowly nodded, looking down at the wings. “Yeah. . . . I do.”
“And . . . because I trust you,” Sephiroth added.
That brought Cloud’s attention up with a start. “You trust me?!”
An amused smirk. “That’s such a surprise? I wouldn’t have invited you to live here if I didn’t trust you.”
Cloud mulled over that, as well as what else Sephiroth had said about wanting to be accepted. Suddenly he felt bad. “You . . . hope I really will love them, don’t you?”
“Yes,” Sephiroth admitted.
“Well . . .” Cloud hesitated, trying to put into words what he was thinking and feeling. “I do. I already do. They’re yours . . . and I love them because of that. Because I love you.”
It felt strange to say it, even though they both knew it was true. But having said it, it felt so right. It was just like Zack had said.
Sephiroth smiled. He could see Cloud was sincere and not just saying what Sephiroth wanted to hear.
“And . . . even though it can still be annoying, I’m glad there’s feathers around,” Cloud said. “It means you’re okay. I . . . I really meant it when I said I’d rather have them everywhere than nowhere. I . . . want you to be okay, more than anything.”
“Then we’ll be just fine,” Sephiroth said, pleased.
“Yeah,” Cloud agreed, and realized he meant it. “We will be.”