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Shepherd knew that he was not infallible, he was a man with his own needs. And damn did he need a smoke. Shepherd sat in the kitchen with Stefania Martikov looking over the cards in his hands, staring down at the silver dragon card he had in the line of cards. His dream of flight over Barovia with glittering wings only added to the stress he could feel bubbling up in his chest. He was jostled out of his thoughts by one of the young boys that sat next to him jabbing him in the ribs.
Shepherd couldn’t find it in himself to be annoyed as he glanced down at him. The boy looked up at him with dark eyes, eyes much like his mother. Shepherd let out a small sigh through his nose as he looked back down at his cards. He had a winning hand, which is what the boy was trying to alert him of. Shepherd set the cards down, a small smirk pulling at his lips as he saw Stefania chuckle.
“That’s another win for you.” She mused, her eyes glittering with mirth. With life. She pushed the small stack of silver they had amassed towards him. “The silver dragon always wins.” Her words sounded a little muffled as he watched her.
He felt like he was seeing double for a moment. Stefania with deathly pale skin, blank eyes, soaked in her own blood. Then how she was as she sat in front of him, her skin alive and pink. Her face was expressive as she whispered something to her son that sat next to her. The grief he felt was still raw in his chest, even if the joy of playing cards with Stefania overpowered it for the moment.
“Are you ready to play another game, Shepherd?” She asked as she began to deal out the cards once more. “I will add another silver to the pot.”
“I think I’ll be takin’ a break for a moment, if ya don’t mind, Mrs. Martikov.” Shepherd pushed his chair out, standing up from the table slowly. “I’ll keep playin’ when I get back. I just got…a lot to think about.” He felt a pang in his chest at the understanding look that came over the woman’s face. She nodded at him, giving such a kind smile. It made him feel like he may cry for the second time today.
“It’s alright. We will wait for you. Take your time.” She dipped her head at him and he did the same as he pushed his chair in. Shepherd made his way out of the kitchen, dodging Vasha as she helped Clayton make dinner. As he passed Victoria and Sarnax as he walked down the stairs to get to the front door. Victoria seemed to be speaking quietly with the cleric, but Sarnax’s eyes followed him all the way to the door.
As soon as he pushed himself out of the winery, he was patting his pockets and pouches for the cigars he knew he still had from Yona. The Doc always hated when he smoked, always telling him it was an easy way to any early grave. Usually, Shepherd would agree with that. Which is why he still had them even while being on the Expedition for Gherix knows how many months. But today was too much. He needed something to calm his nerves.
Along with the box that held his cigars, he pulled out a more beaten box full of matches. The vague thought to go in and ask Sarnax to light his smoke crossed his mind. He shook it out of his mind though, it would be a waste of Sarnax’s energy and a waste of Gherix’s power. Sarnax had done more than enough today. More than anyone could have asked.
Shepherd placed a cigar between his lips, tucking the box back in a pouch around his belt. With his hand now free, he deftly unsheathed a small knife from his side and cut the tip of the cigar off. He didn’t have anything fancy, nor did he need it. He leaned against the stonewall of the winery as he put his knife away to try and focus on the box of matches to get the damn cigar lit.
He never thought he would hold so much reverence for fire, especially given the memories he had with it before his experiences in Barovia. But seeing Sarnax harness the divine flame of Gherix to bring back an innocent woman that Strahdanya brutally murdered. Seeing how the flame swirled in the room, how it formed into a dragon shape. It was only the size of the room, but to Shepherd, it felt far bigger.
When he opened the matchbox, he wasn’t surprised to see a lot of the thin matches snapped and shattered. He frowned, the cigar bobbing in his mouth as he moved the broken splinters around to try to find one that he could actually use. It was pure luck that one managed to survive. He snagged it, striking the head against the stone behind him to light the flame. Carefully, he covered the small orange flame as he held it up to the exposed tobacco, brows furrowed in concentration.
“Shepherd.”
The voice to his side had the tiefling damn near leaping out of his skin as he pushed himself off the wall and whipped around. Match forgotten, his hand on judgment. Only to immediately relax when he saw Sarnax closing the front door behind him. Shepherd looked down at where he had dropped his match, seeing a thin line of smoke trailing off the snuffed flame. His shoulders slumped as he looked up at the lizardfolk.
“Yeah Sarnax?” He grumbled as he took the cigar out of his mouth, disappointment clear in his voice.
“Have I interrupted you?” Sarnax’s eyes followed his to the blackened match on the ground.
“Nah, I was just…gonna smoke. It ain’t a great habit, but I thought tonight is alright to have one.” Shepherd sighed and walked back over to the wall to lean on it once more.
“What are you smoking, Shepherd?” Sarnax’s tone was curious as he tilted his head.
“Just some tobacco, I don’t remember the blend I got when I bought these.” He shrugged, holding out the cigar for Sarnax to see it better. He hummed softly, leaning down to sniff it a little. “Have you ever smoked before? Is that insultin’ to Gherix?”
“No.” Sarnax replied thoughtfully. “Only the elders of the Garden were allowed to smoke a plant they grew within the shelter of the edel wood trees. I had no interest in the activity.”
“What did they have?’ Shepherd raised a brow at his words. He has seen his fair share of different blends and even different plants people have sold in saloons under the table.
“I do not know. Nor did I have the interest to ask.” Sarnax watched Shepherd for a few more moments before speaking up again. “Are you aware that it is not burning?”
“Yeah, Sarnax. I’m pretty fuckin’ aware.” Shepherd rubbed his eyes with his free hand. “But someone made me drop my only match.” His voice was only a little rough. He was more tired than he was angry.
“Ah, my apologies, Shepherd. If you would like, I can light it for you.” Sarnax was already walking towards him.
“I wouldn’t wanna ask that of ya, it’s a waste of your time.” Shepherd backed away a little, but his scaly friend was closer.
“Nonsense. I am offering.” Sarnax lifted his lantern, the orange glow comforting Shepherd in the darkness of the night. It chased away the feelings of grief and helplessness that has plagued him since they got back to the winery. Sarnax’s free hand cupped the flame of his lantern and almost like plucking a petal from a flower, a lick of flame danced in his hand.
Shepherd hesitated for a moment, only moving when Sarnax lifted his hand for him. He pursed his lips for a moment before placing the cigar in his mouth and leaning forward. The heat of the wisp was comforting as it flickered in front of him, lighting the end of his cigar. Finally, Shepherd straightened back up, taking a deep inhale from the now glowing tobacco. The feeling was almost immediate, a tingling in his lungs that spread from there. Further banishing his feelings.
He let out a relieved sigh, smoke billowing from his mouth, dispersing into the cool night air. He looked back at Sarnax, who seemed to just be watching him. His red eyes seemed to glow in the light of his lantern, his yellow scales glinting almost gold in the light they had between them.
“Would ya like to try it?" Shepherd asked. Sarnax looked almost mesmerized, though the question seemed to rouse him.
“I do not believe it is for me, but thank you.” Sarnax shifted so he was holding his lantern in both hands.
“More for me then.” Shepherd shrugged. He took another long drag from his cigar, the rush to his head was his reward. It settled his nerves, calming the roiling in his chest. It was a similar effect that Sarnax’s flame had in banishing his paranoia, if only a little. He blew the smoke out of his nose as he looked up at the sky. It was still covered by a thick layer of clouds, blocking out the stars. He closed his eyes, relishing in the warmth in his lungs.
“How many do you have?” Sarnax asked, breaking the quiet that had settled between them. Shepherd turned to look at him, humming a little.
“After this? Only two more.” More smoke rose from his lips as he spoke, Sarnax’s eyes were trained on it, following the puffs as they disappeared. “You can always change your mind if you want to try. But I’ll warn ya, the first time ain’t the most fun.” Shepherd placed the end back between his lips.
“I will keep that in mind. Thank you, Shepherd.” Sarnax nodded slowly. If he was better at telling the cleric’s emotions, he may think that Sarnax looked awed about something. Though he wasn’t sure what that may be. Instead he just stood with his friend in the quiet of the night. Only the occasional howl of wolves broke the comfortable silence. When Shepherd smoked about half of his cigar, he tapped the ash off and snuffed out the burning tobacco so he could save the rest of the cigar for another time.
“Let’s get back inside. I’m sure that the professor and Vasha are nearly done makin’ us dinner.” Shepherd was able to smile easier as he pushed off the wall as he slipped the cigar into its container.
“Of course.” Sarnax murmured. He let the tiefling pass him, leaving a trail of a smoky scent. Shepherd opened the door, looking back at Sarnax who had paused just before the threshold. The lizardfolk breathed in deep for a moment as he walked back into the winery with Shepherd.
“I can go get them!” Shepherd could hear Vasha’s excited voice from above them. “I won’t go outside I promise! I’ll be super fast!” He chuckled softly at how excited she sounded. He could hear the pattering of feet as he and Sarnax made their way to the stairs. Vasha was only halfway down when he saw her. She lit up in a beaming smile when she saw the two of them.
“Dinner is ready! Made by Professor Clayton and definitely me!” She paused as the two men made their way up the stairs. Shepherd could already smell dinner, and it was heavenly.
“It smells great, Vasha.” He hummed as he followed her back into the kitchen with Sarnax close behind him. With a clear mind now, he could enjoy a night of life. A night where they managed to get one success in an evil place like Barovia. A night he could spend with his friends.