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When Jin’s mother called and told him that an “unfortunate aunt” of his was having a baby soon, Jin’s initial response was, “Oh, really?”
His mother hummed, clearly not approving of the situation. “You know the state won’t let her keep it. She doesn’t want to, she’s unfit, and the father’s a bum.” The abrupt silence told Jin she had more to complain about, but was refraining from doing so.
“So, where will the baby go?” he asked.
“Ideally someone in our family will take the baby. Otherwise it’ll probably go to a foster family. Or the orphanage. I’ve already raised you, I can’t take care of another child.”
When Jin’s mother called and told him about his aunt who was having a baby soon, his quick response was, “Maybe I can.”
“Can what?”
“Take care of them. They’re my cousin, and I’ll probably be asked to since you won’t take them in.”
“You’re too young.”
“I’m not.”
“It’s a baby, Seokjin.”
“I know.”
A deep sigh muffled through the phone and Jin could see his mother rubbing her temple in frustration. “You shouldn’t make rash decisions like this.”
“You know no one else in our family is going to do it, and it doesn’t feel right to--I mean I just can’t --”
“What about Namjoon?”
Jin bit back his words and breathed in deeply. “I’ll talk to him, of course.” His mother said no more, finding it useless to argue any further. She questioned why she found it surprising that Jin readily offered to care for a child who didn’t have to be his responsibility.
***
Jeon Jeongguk was born early September 1st, and nothing prepared Jin for the overflowing happiness that made him lightheaded and his heart heavy.
He wondered when he started viewing Jeongguk as his child (his son) and not just his cousin.
***
“Seokjin, help!”
Usually when Namjoon cried out in distress, it was because he wanted to Jin to get something he was too lazy to pick up. (“I stayed up all night working on a track, please be nice to me.”) Or Yoongi was visiting and kept teasing Namjoon till the point the latter complained to Jin. (“I do it out of love and because you’re my dongsaeng,” Yoongi would say blankly, lying.) Or Namjoon just wanted Jin to come near him so he could hug Jin’s waist and pull him onto his lap. (“I love you.”)
Jin shuffled into the den and was greeted by Namjoon sitting on the floor. He had his back to him and Jin could hear a faint cry. “What’s going on?” Jin asked, walking around his boyfriend to see Jeongguk sucking on his fist while Namjoon held up the child’s legs and frantically waved a diaper.
“I was trying to change Kookie but he started pooping again after I took the diaper off and oh god, it’s gonna get on the floor.”
Namjoon’s persona when he was Rapmonster, underground rapper, was completely different from his regular self. Rapmon was alluring and always carried himself and his lyrics confidently. When he was Namjoon and had a baby dropped into his arms, he became a walking comedy. And Jin loved it.
After rescuing him, Jin sat and watched as Namjoon beatboxed and caused Jeongguk to wiggle uncontrollably on his lap. The 3-month-old cooed, mouth and eyes wide open. Jin couldn’t decide if Jeongguk resembled more like a kitten or a baby rabbit.
He scooted closer to Namjoon and rested his head on his shoulder. Namjoon linked their hands together and began mumbling about a song he was working on. His other hand smoothed down Jeongguk’s hair and over his cheek, the baby leaning into his palm. “...and I was thinking maybe we could make something together? We haven’t in awhile and I like how your voice sounds with mine,” Namjoon said. At Jin’s silent nod, he continued speaking.
There were many visuals Jin felt fortunate enough to witness everyday. The sight of Namjoon caring for Jeongguk was one he loved the most. It was perfect how well Jeongguk fit into their lives, and Jin couldn’t imagine the arrangement any differently. He sat up, his grip tightening Namjoon’s hold.
These thoughts have occupied his mind for a long time and he had to get them out. “Namjoon, sorry, I have to tell you something.” Jin breathed shakily, trying to process his thoughts into coherent sentences.
“Hm? What’s up?” Namjoon kept stroking Jeongguk’s head until the child was yawning, eyelids drooping shut.
Before Jeongguk came to them, Jin used to imagine--nothing serious, just what if?--what it’d be like to maybe have a family with Namjoon some day. Jin rarely shared those thoughts out loud because it always felt too soon or too serious or maybe they wouldn’t even have a child. They’d probably get a cat or a dog in the long run.
After Jeongguk came to them, Jin had a hard time imagining anything but all three of them together as a family.
Jin cradled Namjoon’s hand in both of his, fingers running along his knuckles. “You know I’m grateful for you doing this, right? I don’t think I tell you enough.”
“What do you mean?” Namjoon asked as Jin laid his chin on top of their hands.
“Taking care of Kookie. You didn’t have to do this with me. You could’ve said no because it’s a major thing to do, but you didn’t.” Jin rarely cried, but when he did his tear ducts seemed to want to release all the tears he held. He kept breathing in steadily and thinking don’t cry, this is nothing to cry over, and the tension under his skin settled slightly. “I just...I love you. And I love Jeongguk, and I love what we have.”
Namjoon nodded, quiet for a moment with only Jeongguk’s soft snoring in the background. He then kissed Jin, smiling cheekily with his dimples displayed proudly.
“When you first brought it up, about your aunt and everything, I was skeptical,” Namjoon began, his eyes focused on the baby. “I was a little worried. But the more I understood why you wanted to have Kookie, and the more we talked about it, the more it felt right. And then when we actually got to bring him home, I didn’t see how I could have said no.”
Jin didn’t want to discredit all the boyfriends in the world, but he felt justified in believing Namjoon was the most wonderful one out there. All Jin wanted to do now was put Jeongguk to bed so he could tackle Namjoon and kiss him all over for hours.
He had one last thing to say, however, to put out there.
“Namjoon, I think--no, I want to. I really want to do this. I’ve been thinking about it for a long time and I don’t want to just foster Jeongguk anymore. I want to officially adopt him.”
Throwing the words out between them startled Jin more than it should have. He had trouble keeping his focus on Namjoon and stopping himself from feeling so vulnerable. Oh god, what if this is too much?
“Hey, Jin. Look at me.” Namjoon freed his hand from Jin’s grasp, laying it at the base of Jin’s neck. When Jin finally looked up and saw only adoration on Namjoon’s face, he wondered how he could have felt afraid in the first place. Namjoon’s fingers tangled themselves in Jin’s hair, combing them through.
“I thought eventually you would,” Namjoon admitted.
“...You did?” Namjoon pulled him forward until their lips met, smiling when Jin muttered, “Well?” They rested their foreheads together, Jin prodding Namjoon’s nose with his own. The nervousness from earlier began creeping back under his skin, and he was ready to pull away when Namjoon finally answered.
“You know I’m up for it.”
The anxiety retreated once again, replaced by the overwhelming love Jin held for Namjoon. He pulled him into another kiss and Jin hoped he wouldn’t collapse from all the emotions running through. Even though they’ve known each other for years, have been together for just as long, Jin had yet to figure out a way to express to Namjoon how in love he was with him. Nothing was adequate enough. Jin could be cheesy and say “My love for you is greater than the ocean, the galaxy, and all their lifeforms combined.” But even those things weren’t enough.
“I love you.” Jin repeatedly kissed the words onto Namjoon’s lips, even as the other began to blush and laugh. “I love you, I love you. And Kookie loves you too.” At the mention of his name, Jeongguk let out a loud breath of air, shifting on Namjoon’s lap.
“Ah, I think he’s waking up.” Namjoon gathered the baby into his arms, chuckling as Jeongguk yawned cutely, slowly blinking his eyes open. Jin leaned back into Namjoon’s side, reaching over to wipe away drool from the corner of Jeongguk’s mouth.
“I’d do anything for you two,” Namjoon said, and Jin had no doubt that he would.