Eyes of the Heart

This story was begun long before season 8 of the show. I just really wanted to explore what would happen if our dear Dr. Reid had found someone, and what the team's reaction would be.
There is more to this story. We will see it continue, I'm certain.

Work Text:

Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Meeting Her

They were all there with him. Had a hospital room ever had so many agents in it? Spencer Reid lay on the bed, his broken right arm and left leg in casts.

"Do you need anything?" JJ asked him, her blue eyes dark with worry.

"I'm ok, thanks, but it itches..." Spencer replied.

"That'll teach you to try to ride without lessons, kid. You can't learn to sit a horse from a book," Morgan lectured.

"What were you thinking?" Hotch asked him, his face stern.

"You guys leave him alone, he's suffered enough." Emily chided, as she reached out and ruffled his hair.

Garcia looked up from signing his cast with her purple marker, hearing a commotion just outside the room at the nurse's station.

"... I said Spencer Reid! Where is he, what room - " a woman's frantic voice reached them from the hall.

Reid's head whipped around and suddenly a tiny bespectacled brunette whirlwind flew through the door, practically knocking Hotch down in her haste to reach the bed. She dropped her coat and purse on the floor and ran to his side, hair flying, her hands gently touching his face, his chest, his arm, taking no notice of the agents in the room, her face panicky.

She reached to touch his face again as tears filled her eyes and she said "Spencey, what the hell? What happened? I told you to wait - did you try riding that bastard Rum? I told you he was fractious- "

Spencer took her hand in his free one and said "Jaye, it's okay, I'm alright. Calm down honey... shhh". Spencer touched a finger to her lips, smiling at her concern.

You could've heard a pin drop in the room as JJ looked at Morgan and mouthed "Spencey?" Emily met and matched Hotch's look of surprise and Garcia just stood there holding her purple marker in the air, her mouth open in shock.

"How did you know where I was, how to find me?" Spencer asked, pressing his forehead to hers.

"I called her," Rossi said, getting up from the chair across the room. "Sorry Reid, didn't mean to blow your cover, but she would've killed me if I didn't let her know."

Spencer didn't take his eyes off hers but said "It's fine, thanks, Rossi."

Dave said "Don't mention it. Come on guys, let's give the lovebirds a little privacy, shall we?" as he motioned for the team to leave the room.

"Thank you all, for being here for him." Jaye said quietly, her gaze never leaving Spencer's face.

JJ was the last to file out. She looked over her shoulder at the couple and said "You're welcome?"

Lovebirds? She saw Jaye take Spencer's hand and kiss his fingers and felt a stab in the pit of her stomach. She didn't like this, not one bit.

Incidentally, "Jaye" is Caroline Dhavernas character in Wonderfalls. I'd love to see her cast as Reid's gf.

Chapter 2: Chapter 2

Reflection

Back at the BAU, JJ sat at her desk, fidgeting. She couldn't concentrate on her cases, and she definitely didn't want to be at work. All she could think about was Spence. She pushed the files aside and took her head in her hands.

How long had they been together? Why hadn't she known, why hadn't he told her? Part of her was angry that he didn't trust her enough, and part of her was actually... no... not jealous?

The realization hit her hard. How could that be? She loved Spence, no doubt, would die for him... but he was her dear friend, the godfather to her son, and... and she had Will! What was this? Why was she feeling this?

Nobody had talked about anything else on the way back to work from the hospital. The team were all jabbering and speculating, with Rossi setting everyone straight. Apparently he was the only one who had known all along.

No, she wasn't a genius but she was a doctor, a Veterinarian, and an accomplished horsewoman. She also had a Ph.D in Engineering, and her and Reid had met at a seminar several months ago. Reid had told Rossi the truth because he had guessed something was up, and confronted Spencer, who shyly told him the story. He had asked Rossi not to say anything until the budding relationship was on more solid ground, as he didn't want to be teased mercilessly over something that would just blow over. Yes, the petite brunette was apparently ga-ga over Spencer, loving his quirks and hanging on his every word, seemingly falling in love just as much with his incredible mind as who he really was inside. He seemed genuinely smitten with her in return, and they spent most of their off time together.

Through all of this, JJ remained quiet, listening. As everyone around her joked and laughed about their cluelessness, and talked about how cute the couple were together, Jennifer just felt... empty.

She jumped as her ringing desk phone startled her out of her reverie, and quickly answered it with "Agent Jareau."

"Hey, JJ... it's me," Spencer's quiet voice said. "I... I wanted to talk to you. You got a minute?"

JJ cleared her throat and said as calmly as she could "Sure, Spence. What's up?"

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

JJ felt her heart rate speed up, her mouth going dry and she said "Oh... hey, that's - "

"I mean," Spencer interrupted, "I didn't think much of it at first, and it's only been a few months and we just recently got kind of... serious. So I was going to tell you all, actually tomorrow, and then the stupid accident..." he trailed off.

JJ felt she should say something, but the only thing she could think of to say was "Are you happy?"

"I am. I think... yes." Spencer answered. "We've been spending a lot of time together lately and she seems to really like me. We like a lot of the same things and... I feel pretty lucky, actually..." he finished.

JJ felt her eyes start to tear up (what the fuck?), but she said "She's the lucky one, Spence."

"I don't know about that, but anyway, I just wanted to make sure that you weren't mad at me for not telling you sooner. You're not mad, are you?" Spencer's voice broke on the last part and so did her heart.

"I could never be mad at you. Not ever." she paused. "Spence, look, I have to get back to it, okay? Let me know if you need anything, and we'll talk soon, alright?" She tried to sound bright and cheery around the pit in her stomach.

Spencer pulled the phone away from his ear and looked at it, hearing something weird in her voice. He decided he'd interrupted her work long enough. "Oh sure, sure! Sorry to keep you... I just -"

"Talk with you later," she interrupted, and hung up the phone. She let her hand linger on the headset for a moment, collecting her thoughts. She wiped her eyes and attacked the pile of files in front of her, opening one and seeing nothing but a blur.

Morgan knocked on her door and poked his head in. "Okay if I come in?" The big man asked.

"Of course, always." JJ made a show of shuffling some papers around and quickly wiped her eyes again, hoping he wouldn't notice.

"JJ, I'm just checking in here. I noticed you didn't say a word in the car, and you've been holed up in here since we got back. You okay?" He asked.

She made a face and said, "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

She couldn't seem to stop moving, putting pens in her desk, stacking files. Morgan touched her arm and she looked up at him, annoyed.

"Look I know you and Reid were... are close. It just seems like that back there at the hospital kind of threw you," he said, honestly.

JJ made another irritated face and said "Well I'm worried about him, Morgan. Aren't we all? That horse gave him two broken bones!"

"JJ that's not what I mean and you know it. The girlfriend," he said.

"I just want Spence to be happy. It's none of my business, otherwise. Or yours."

JJ stood and grabbed her purse, needing to get out of that room. "Will you tell Hotch I took personal time for the rest of the day? Thanks."

"Sure, I can do that. But what about -" he said.

She moved around Morgan and fled, taking the stairs instead of waiting for the elevator. Chiding herself all the way down the stairwell, she felt like she couldn't breathe. "This is stupid! Get ahold of yourself," she thought. Four flights down she stopped and sat, dropping her purse and covering her eyes as the tears came.

She didn't hear Morgan's soft approach over her own crying, so she jumped when she felt a hand on her shoulder. Busted. He'd caught her. Derek didn't say a word, just took her in his arms and let her go. She sobbed softly against his shoulder and said through her tears, "Don't tell him, Derek. Please don't."

Derek patted her back as she cried and said "Lot of secrets being kept around here lately. But it's not my place to tell him. I think you should, when you're able."

She shook her head no against his chest.

"He deserves that, JJ. You know he does. C'mon, I'll walk you out."

JJ picked up her purse and wiped her eyes again, saying nothing as Morgan got her downstairs and out to her car. She got in without a word, embarrassed about her outburst, and drove away, leaving him standing there watching her go. He shook his head and turned to go inside, clapping his big hands together. "Back to work" he said to no one in particular.

Chapter 3: Chapter 3

Healing

Spencer's convalescence was hard on him. Not used to just lying around, the normally affable and energetic man was feeling his limitations keenly. He even snapped at Jaye once or twice in the last week. He felt terrible about it, she was only trying to help, but his nerves were frazzled. He missed work, he missed his friends – even though Emily had stopped by twice to play cards, and Garcia had made an entire "Get Well" wall in his hospital room with cards, flowers, balloons, streamers and ribbons everywhere.

His thoughts kept returning to JJ. She hadn't been to see him, or even called. And he kept thinking about how odd her voice sounded when he'd called her last. He was sure she was just busy, but yet...

Jaye came bouncing in, a smile on her face, long brown braid swinging. "Spencey, look! Got your favorite coffee!" How are you doing today?" She kissed him and he smiled up at her.

"Why are you so nice to me?" he asked, taking the coffee cup from her.

"Someone has to be." she winked at him and got on the bed, sitting cross-legged and sipping her own cup.

"Oh, is that so? Well if it's such a tough job, why'd you sign up?" he joked.

In reply, she just looked at him, smiling warmly. "I can't stay long, I've got surgery twice this afternoon." She reached to touch his face, loving his new beard growth. "This is really nice, you know? I like it," she purred.

Spencer said "Well that's good, because it's too hard shaving with one hand, so it's here to stay till the cast comes off."

He set his cup on the side table and caught the end of her long, thick braid, pulling her to him. Their lips were just about to meet when Spencer caught a glimpse of JJ standing in the doorway, her coat over her arm. He called "JJ!" just as she turned to go and she stopped, turning back with a small wave at the couple and a tiny smile, her eyes darting to the side.

Jaye noticed how his face immediately lit up when he saw Agent Jareau, and she felt a pang of envy. She knew they were friends, but something about the way the blond woman looked at him gave her pause. Spencer had told her that they had a connection, that the whole team did, but as reasonable as Jaye tried to be about it, it still made her a little uneasy.

"Come in here!" Spence held out his good arm and wrapped it around her in an awkward hug. "I was just thinking about you!" he grinned up at her, happy to see her sparkling blue eyes again.

That was news to Jaye. She thought Spencer had just been thinking about her.

"Looks like they've got you all rigged up here..." JJ said, nodding to the pulley system for his leg.

"Yeah," he chuckled, "but I get a walking cast in a few days and then I get to go home!"

"That's great, knowing how you are I'm sure this place is driving you nuts, in spite of Garcia's efforts." She nodded towards the wall.

Jaye noticed they were still holding hands, still smiling at each other. She felt like a third wheel.

JJ took a breath and stuck out her hand to Jaye. "Hi, I'm JJ as you heard. We haven't been introduced. She made a quick face at Spencer. You're Jaye, right?" Jennifer put on her prettiest smile. Jaye just gave a little wave, instead, and smiled back.

"Nothing personal, I just don't shake hands on days I have to operate. You never know when someone's gonna be really strong!", she joked.

"Hey well that's something you and Spence have in common, he doesn't like to shake - " JJ began.

" - hands. I know." Jaye finished. Awkward. "Well speaking of, I should get going. Little Fluffy and Archimedes aren't going to spay and neuter themselves!" she said, a little too cheery. "I'll call you later," she said to Spencer, and leaned in, laying a big kiss right on his lips. Spencer opened his eyes wide, surprised.

"O-okay," he said. "See you..." his eyes finding JJ's again as Jaye got up.

She left the room, stopping outside to look back in at the two of them, already absorbed in conversation, JJ pulling up a chair next to his bed. Five minutes later Spencer got a text from the brunette with a single word.

"Spence?"

JJ laughed when he showed her. "That was my reaction when I heard her name for you, too. We women aren't so different, you know."

"I'm learning," Spencer replied. "Or, trying to." He looked down, suddenly shy.

JJ looked at his sweet face and it was all she could do to not touch him. Sitting here like this with him made her so happy... it crossed her mind that she never felt like this with Will. Will was dependable. A warm sweater. Spencer... he made her feel like she did as a little girl, sliding down the playground slide. That airless feeling in your stomach, like falling but not quite. She cursed herself for not ever noticing before.

"So," she said, "When you leave here, are you gonna need any help at home? I imagine between the team we could each take a day or a shift?"

"Wow, that's really nice of you..." Spencer began.

'Yeah, you're a pain in the butt but someone has to look out for you." She smiled at him to take the sting out of her words.

He smiled back at her and said "Well I was gonna say that's so nice of you but Jaye's going to pack a bag and come stay over for a few days. Just until I get comfortable with the clunky cast and all..."

JJ's face fell. She lowered her eyes to hide her disappointment, and then Spencer said "But could you come over and see me? I mean, I really miss you, and miss work and it just feels so much better when you... I mean when you guys are around, you know? And could you bring Henry?"

JJ's smile momentarily lit her face when he mentioned Henry, and Spencer noticed. "I mean, if it's not too much trouble."

"Well, you are every kind of trouble," she joked, "but Henry would love to see you. He loves you very much. And so do I", she thought.

Wow, where did that come from? JJ stood up, feeling a little flustered. "And, well, speaking of Henry, I should go. I'm sure he's wanting his dinner." she lied.

"You can't cook," Spencer called her on it, laughing a little.

She held up a finger - "Hey! I try sometimes!" She leaned over to give him a parting hug and was surprised when he kissed her lightly on the cheek, his hair soft against her face, and god he smelled so good.

"Thanks for coming, JJ," he looked in her eyes. She looked back at him, those hazel browns so familiar, so dear, and felt her heart beat faster. But all she said was "No problem, Spence. I'll see you later."

They looked at each other for a long minute, then she said, "Bye..." and was gone.

Spencer lay back against the pillows and let out his breath. Damn. What was he going to do?

Chapter 4: Chapter 4

Feelings

"What is it, ma chere?" Will murmured as he came up behind JJ in their kitchen, putting his arms around her.

JJ gently shrugged out from under his embrace and moved away, blowing on her hot mug of tea. She furrowed her brow in irritation and said "What do you mean?"

Will watched her move into the living room and leaned back on the kitchen counter. "Somethin's on your mind, JJ. I can tell there's somethin'... what's eatin' at you?"

"Right now, you are," she thought. Then she felt bad for thinking that and patted the couch cushion next to her. "Long day, you know how it is. Come sit." she managed to smile at him.

"In a little bit. Right now this young man we both know needs a bedtime story," he said. "Be right back."

JJ slid her eyes to the side and pulled her legs up under her, leaning back into the couch cushions. She took a sip of her spiced mint tea and set the cup down on the end table, picking up the tv remote and began flipping through the channels. Hospital show (Spence), horse-riding show (Spence), chess competition (Spence), FBI show (Spence)... shit. She turned off the tv and looked at her watch. Was it too late to call him, to check on him? She reached for her phone and just then Will came back into the room. She set her phone back down.

Why? Why did she just do that? What difference did it make if Will was in the room when she called Spence? It never had before – she'd called him a hundred times with Will around. Why was it different, now? What was she thinking? Confused, JJ wrapped her arms around Will and kissed him, hard, as he sat down next to her. Will looked at her before kissing her back, wondering but not saying anything. JJ clung to him, kissing him again, then reaching down and undoing the buttons on his shirt quickly, frantically, pulling it untucked from his jeans (Spence never wore jeans)...

Will was trying to keep up and broke from her lips long enough to start kissing her throat and undoing her blouse. JJ leaned into him, pushing her neck against his mouth. She grabbed the back of his head and pulled him even closer. Feeling his warm mouth on her throat, JJ took his earlobe between her teeth and moaned so softly - "Spence" -

He stopped suddenly. Will tried to put his forehead against hers, but she was oblivious. She left his ear and captured his lips once again, but it was... he wasn't...

JJ opened her eyes and was startled to see his open too. His lips slack, no longer kissing her but not yet pulling away. She stopped and said "What?"...

Will let his hands drop to her waist. He looked directly at her, still breathing hard and said "Is there something you need to tell me?" He moved her off of him, gently but firmly and turned to look at her again.

"Will... what? Is there...?" She looked at him, confused, her hair mussed, lips swollen.

"Chere, you called me Spence."

He patted her hand and got up. "I'll be in bed," he said, ever calm. He looked back at her once as he walked to the room, his eyes dull.

JJ sat there. She did? She did. Shit, what was happening to her? She sat there and let her breathing return to normal, thinking. Oh, poor Will! She'd need to really make that up to him but WHY had she said it? She covered her eyes and rested her elbows on her knees. It was true. Spencer was all she could think about lately. Ever since his accident. And now - she needed to be truthful with herself – ever since his girlfriend.

Spencer hobbled into his apartment with one crutch under his good arm. This walking cast would take some getting used to, but he thought he was doing pretty good so fa- "AHH!", he yelled, as he crashed to the floor, a tangle of casts and crutches.

Jaye was right behind him with the bags of stuff from the hospital and she dropped them and ran to his side. Spencer was struggling to sit up and she helped him, relieved to hear him chuckling a little.

"Don't scare me like that!" she chastised.

"What – I didn't do it on purpose! Everything's just weird now, all out-of-balance... I just need practice," he said.

"Last thing I need is for you to land back in the hospital." She sat down beside him, rubbing his good arm. "You hungry? We could do a floor picnic right here..."

Spencer grinned at her. "I like the way you think. Sure, I could eat."

Jaye got to her knees and planted a quick kiss on his lips before heading into the kitchen. "Let's see what you've got," she said, rummaging through his pantry.

Spencer watched her go, then reached for his phone. "Good time to check in with JJ," he thought, unsurprised that she was on his mind. She was always on his mind, lately. He dialed her number, eager to hear her voice.

JJ sat at her desk, staring at his name on her phone. She always picked up when Spence called, why should it be any different now?

"Hey Spence," she said. "You get home okay?"

"Hey, yeah, I did! Everything's fine, although I did just take a tumble walking through the door, heh heh..."

JJ got half up out of her seat before sitting back down and replying "...But you're alright? Spence, be careful!"

"I'm good, I'm fine... don't worry," he said.

"You need anything?" she asked.

"No, but thanks. Um..." he started.

"What?"

"Can you... maybe come by tonight? Bring Henry?" he asked.

JJ cleared her throat. "Oh, I don't know... won't you and -cough- Jaye be busy getting you all settled in?" She didn't want to think about why that image disturbed her.

"Well, no... she's got a speaking engagement tonight at the shelter, and... I'd like to see you... guys. But that's okay, that's okay, I'm sure you're busy... sorry, I just - " he stammered.

"We'll come over. See you around 7:30 – 8?" she interrupted, surprised at how happy the thought of seeing him made her.

"Awesome. Thanks, JJ," he said, his voice warm.

"Bye," she said, and hung up, smiling.

Chapter 5: Chapter 5

Touched

Will had a late call, so JJ left a plate of lasagna in the fridge for him, and a note saying to ring her when he got in. She wondered later why she didn't put down where they were going. On the way over, she picked up Spencer's favorite ice cream and some proper ingredients for banana splits. She may not know how to cook, but she could make a mean triple-boat!

She knocked and heard Spencer's "Come in -" just as Henry opened the door, impatient to see his Unca Thpence. The little boy flew at him, Spencer holding out his good arm to catch him just in time.

JJ smirked, "Sorry... Henry, remember we talked about Uncle Spence's owwies?" But neither of them were listening to her, Spencer hugging the child for dear life. Henry climbed into his lap and they got lost in their own special finger play for a moment. JJ softly chided "You two...," and smiled at them. "I'll go put this away so it doesn't melt."

Spencer moved to try and get up "Melt?" he said. Does that mean you brought - "

"Butter pecan, yep," she said, matter-of-factly. "How could I not? Doesn't it heal all?"

"Here, let me help," Spencer said, moving the wiggling boy off his lap.

"Just sit, Spence. I've got it."

Their eyes met and Spencer's face softened. "Thanks." he said simply.

JJ held his gaze for a long moment, drinking in the sight of him, his tangled hair, his scruffy beard, his beautiful, full mouth...god, that mouth. How many times had she focused on those lips when he was telling some frightening fact or sharing some story? She couldn't remember... they broke their gaze and JJ cleared her throat, looking down. Stop it.

Spencer made a magic marker appear from nowhere much to Henry's delight and gave it to him to scribble on the arm cast. JJ busied herself by getting down bowls and starting the banana splits, loving the sound of their laughter.

The three of them ate, and chatted, Henry in the middle, and the time just flew. Only one major mishap when a spoonful dumped into Henry's lap, the boy looked about to cry until Spencer promptly dropped a big spoonful into his own lap, making a huge deal of it. Henry started with the giggles and that was it. Soon they were all laughing as JJ went to get the paper towels. Spencer stretched his good arm along the back of the couch as JJ leaned back to relax, touching her shoulder.

"Thanks, JJ. Thanks for coming," he said. "I know you have your own things you could be doing right now," Spencer's smile dropped and he lowered his voice. "It means a lot."

JJ covered his hand with her own as she looked into his face. "You never have to thank me, Spencer Reid. I'll always be here for you," she replied.

They sat looking at each other a long time, a now passed-out little boy between them. JJ moved her thumb against his hand and felt him squeeze her shoulder. Neither of them wanted to say a word. So they didn't. Their fingers intertwined of their own volition and JJ lifted her other hand to touch his face, gently stroking his soft, short beard. Spencer couldn't take his eyes off her. She was always beautiful, but what was it about tonight, about lately?

"Spence -" JJ whispered.

Jaye chose that very moment to walk through the door, a pint of butter-pecan ice cream and two plastic spoons in her upraised hand. "Hey Spencey, look what I - " she took in the sight before her and the hole that had been growing in the pit of her stomach became a cavern. Seeing them, all three of them, on the couch together, obviously sharing such a loving moment was a version of her worst nightmare and she felt gutshot.

Spencer felt pulled out of a dream. He cleared his throat and said "Hey... Jaye! Wow, hey! You're here..."

She looked right at him and said "Brilliant deduction, genius." Then looked at JJ and said "I've got it from here, blondie, thanks."

JJ raised her eyebrows, ignoring the 'blondie' remark, and moved to gather Henry in her arms. "Of course," she said. "We need to be going anyway, my son got worn out by his godfather."

"Where's his real father?" Jaye asked.

"Jaye..." Spencer said, softly.

JJ met the other woman's eyes, not liking what she saw there. It was a huge effort to bite back a retort. She focused on Spencer as she gathered her purse and keys. "Spence, I'll call you tomorrow to check in. Try and get some rest." She pressed her lips together and tried to smile at him.

Spencer struggled to his feet and got the crutch under him. He walked her and Henry to the door as best he could, and Jaye went to put the ice cream in the freezer, noticing the dishes in the sink. She spread her hands on the counter and dropped her head. She looked up and saw Spencer waving goodnight to them and watched him as he closed the door.

"Hoo, boy," he thought, as he turned to face her.

She just looked at him and spread her hands. "What. The. Hell." she said.

Spencer looked at her a long moment.

"Jaye, I don't know. I don't." he said truthfully. "But I do know that I won't have you disrespecting my friend and the mother of my godson in my own home."

"What about her disrespecting me? Our relationship, Spencer? What about THAT?" She walked over to him, jealous and furious. "I need to hear words, now. RIGHT now!" she yelled.

Spencer felt sick, the last thing he ever wanted to do was hurt this woman. He knew if he was completely honest with her, that that's exactly what he'd do. He took her hand and moved to the couch. They sat next to each other, and he could see the tears in her eyes. Her head shaking 'no'.

"JJ and I have been friends for a very long time, Jaye," he began. We probably will be for the rest of our lives. Now I do not understand what that was, what you walked in on, just yet. It is all very new to me too. And it's probably nothing. But I do promise you, that if anything needs to be said about it, if there's anything I need to share with you, I will. I will tell you as soon as I feel there is anything to tell. Do you understand? That's all I can give you tonight." Spencer reached around to the coffee table and grabbed her a paper towel as he saw her tears fall.

"What am I supposed to do with that, Spencer? What?" she shouted through her tears. "No!" she said as he reached for her. She got up and ran to the bathroom.

Spencer's leg was hurting due to all the activity, but he again got up on his crutch and hobbled to stand outside the bathroom. He could hear her sobs. He put his head against the door, his stomach in knots. God, he was so bad at this stuff. He didn't know what to do, he felt terrible for making her cry.

"What do you need me to say?" he asked through the door.

She stopped crying and he heard running water. The water shut off and she opened the door. Her eyes and nose were red and swollen. He had caused that. Spencer felt like a heel.

She looked up at him and said "Tell me you love me."

Chapter 6: Chapter 6

Tragedy

JJ got home and put Henry to bed, her head spinning with the evening's events. She wanted some time alone to process everything, but she wondered why Will wasn't home yet. She went to the fridge and saw the untouched lasagna, then grabbed her purse and dug out her phone. She didn't remember putting it on vibrate, but there it was and she had three messages.

The first was from Will, saying they were on a stakeout and he didn't know when he'd be home. "Ahh, that explains it," she thought.

The next message chilled her to the bone. Will's partner, Sam, was yelling into the phone and she could tell he was outdoors, running. "JJ, I hope you get this soon, Will's been shot and we're taking him to the hospit-" it cut off.

Then the last, Sam again: "JJ, I don't know why you aren't picking up – we're at the hospital now and Will's in surgery... it's bad. Get here as soon as you can."

JJ went numb. She felt like she'd been kicked in the chest. She immediately dialed Garcia, her hand shaking. A sleepy Penelope answered "JJ?"

"Pen can you get over here and stay with Henry? Will's been shot and I need to get to the hospital!" she fairly yelled into the phone.

Penelope said "On my way," and hung up. JJ threw the phone on the couch and gripped her head, raking her hands through her scalp and pacing. It seemed like an eternity for Garcia to get there, but here she was and JJ met her in the driveway, their hands clasping as JJ ran past her to her own car. "Keep me posted!" Penelope called after her. "He'll be fine, JJ, he's gonna be fine!"

Jaye looked up at Spencer, her eyes pleading with him to say what she needed to hear. His first instinct was to just blurt out whatever she wanted, whatever would wipe that look off her face, but his logic and reason took over and he whispered "Jaye..." He lifted a hand to her face and said "You really want me to say that now? I'm sure you'd rather have me say it organically from the heart, rather than under intense pressure, wouldn't you?"

Jaye dropped her eyes and her heart sank. "Spencer I don't care," she began, "I don't care what the circumstances are... I just want you to feel it. I want you to feel what I feel. I love you. God, I love you, you know I do..." she leaned into him and Spencer kissed her forehead, wrapping his good arm around her. She wrapped her arms around him too and held tight, lifting her face to his. He kissed her then, wanting to comfort her, to show her he cared, needing to take her pain away. He murmured soothing words to her as they moved as one to the bed, both exhausted. They didn't speak as Jaye helped him get undressed and into his flannels. She stacked pillows at the foot of the bed and helped him lie down, propping up his leg. She took off her clothes and crawled in bed naked, pressing herself up against him, laying her head on his chest as he put his arm around her. Her last thought before sliding into sleep was that Jennifer Jareau had better back the fuck off. She was not getting him. Jaye would never let that happen.

Spencer lay awake long after he felt Jaye's breathing fall into her sleep rhythm. He toyed with the end of her braid as he thought about what the day, and the night, had brought. He knew there would be changes in the coming days, weeks... he wished he had a crystal ball. Someone would be hurt by all this, he knew. If he could choose, he'd choose himself. Neither JJ or the woman sleeping beside him deserved anything but good. Did he love her? And who? Jaye, or Jennifer? He swallowed hard as a realization hit him, and it did nothing to ease his worried mind.

He loved them both.

JJ ran as fast as her feet could carry her into the ICU, stopping at the nurses desk before spotting Sam. His anxious face showed relief to see her, but she could tell it was grim.

"Sam, what? Where is he?" she said, panicky.

The big man shook his head. "Still in surgery. They can't tell us anything yet." Sam sat down heavily on a chair, taking his head in his hands, Will's blood still on him. "That bullet was meant for me. He took a bullet meant forme."

JJ sat down next to him and they hugged each other, both terrified, both shaking.

"Where's the wound, Sam?" JJ asked, quieter now. "Where'd he get shot?"

Sam looked at her, bleary-eyed and said, "Head. It's a head wound, JJ. The bullet lodged in his brain."

JJ went cold. She folded her arms across her stomach and just froze in place, unable to move or breathe or think.

It was another two hours before the surgeon came out, exhausted and sweating, blood all down his front. JJ forced herself to stand as he approached, and looked him straight in the eye.

He's in a coma. I got the bullet out and repaired what I could, but we won't know the extent of the damage until he wakes up. There were a lot of... bone fragments.

JJ felt her legs turn to rubber as she asked "When will he wake up?"

The doctor looked at her with sympathy. "I can't tell you that. We just don't know." He put a hand on her arm and gently squeezed. "The nursing staff knows all I do. If you have any questions tonight, they can answer them for you. I'm sorry, I know you're worried. I wish I had better information for you. We'll know more tomorrow."

The doctor took his leave of them and Sam came up behind her. "Will's a fighter, JJ. He's strong. He'll come out of this... he will."

She rounded on him, her voice shrill. "Is that right? Is that what you know? Go home, Sam. It's hard for me to look at you right now." A part of her knew that wasn't fair, but she didn't care. She walked, stiff-legged to the nursing station and asked what recovery room was Will's, and went in to wait. She'd sit there as long as it took. As long as it took.

Spencer woke to his phone going off, but it was in the other room. He gently nudged the sleeping Jaye beside him and she woke to him kissing her temple. "Jaye could you please run grab my phone... it's Morgan's ring," he asked her, softly.

She moved to toss back the covers and Spencer watched her naked form walk out of the bedroom. She picked up the phone and answered it so as not to lose the call.

"Hi, Agent Morgan, it's Jaye..." she began, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

"Jaye please put Reid on, it's urgent," he said, his voice louder than usual.

"Sure..." she answered.

She hurried back in the room and gave the phone over to Spencer as he placed a hand on her hip. He looked up at her appreciatively.

"Hey Morgan, what's up?" He asked.

"Reid... something's happened...".

Chapter 7: Chapter 7

Family

"I have to go," Spencer said as he tossed his phone onto the bed. He struggled to get out from under the covers and stand, frustrated with his limitations and terrified by the news Morgan had just given him.

"Let me help, what do you need?" Jaye said, as she moved to put on a robe.

"My clothes... please. Morgan's coming to get me, Will's been shot in the head. God, Jaye..." Spencer looked at her helplessly, and she gasped at the news.

"Spencer, my god! Is he alive?"

"For now. He's in a coma. I have to get over there, I have to..." He stopped himself before he said "... get to JJ", but that's what he was thinking. Jaye knew it.

She swallowed the bile that rose in her throat and just said. "Of course. Do you want to take anything? Let me make you a breakfast taco real quick..."

"No... thanks. I couldn't eat." He pulled the clean t-shirt over his head as Jaye pulled up his khakis, zipping him up. "Thanks for helping, this would've taken me forever to do alone." He reached out and brushed his hand across her cheek.

Morgan opened the front door and shouted "You ready?"

"Coming!" Spencer yelled back. "I don't know how long I'll be..." he said to Jaye as he maneuvered out of the bedroom with his one crutch. Morgan held the front door for him then closed it behind them, and he was gone.

Jaye had never seen Spencer move so fast, casts or no. She sat down on the bed slowly, hands on her knees amid conflicting emotions. She wanted to be more concerned for Will, and even JJ, but all she could think about was how he just ran from her to be with them. Childish and petty, but there it was.

"Oh, grow UP, girl," she chided herself. "They are his family". She exhaled and went to put on a pot of coffee, then headed for the shower to start her day.

Morgan and Reid came into the waiting area of the ICU and found the team already there. Derek went to put his arms around Garcia, who was visibly upset, tears streaking her face. "Henry's with his sitter, do you think JJ will get mad? I had to come, Derek, I had to come..." she said through her tears.

"Naw, baby girl, it's all good. I'm sure she'll be fine with it," He said, his deep voice velvety as he held her.

Reid said "Where's JJ?" and Emily answered "She's in with Will. Hotch is in there with her, too. God Reid, it doesn't look good...".

Emily's arms were folded and she kept her face a mask of rigid calm. "She hasn't said anything. Not a word since any of us got here. Can you - ?"

Spencer saw her unspoken question and reached out to touch her arm. "Emily, she'll be okay, alright?"

JJ sat next to the bed just staring at Will. His head was almost completely swathed in bandages and he was hooked up to several monitors. Spencer came in and softly said "Hey..."

Aaron Hotchner looked at him and said "There's no change. I just got off the phone with Dave. They caught the guy who did this. That's something, at least." He shook his head. "I need to get back... will you...?" He nodded towards the silent JJ.

Spencer nodded in return. "As long as it takes," he said. The men locked eyes and Aaron patted Spencer's arm as he left the room.

"Let me know if anything happens," he said.

"I will."

Spencer went and stood next to JJ, putting a hand on her shoulder. She jumped, startled, like she hadn't noticed him come in. "Spence..." she said, and bent her cheek to his hand.

"Everyone's here. Can I get you something?" he asked.

"Can you wake him up?" she replied, her calm voice belying her roiling emotions.

Spencer squeezed her shoulder and moved to sit next to her. "What did the doctor say?" he asked, anything to keep her talking. Silent JJ scared him.

"They won't know anything until he comes out of the coma. So I'm waiting. Just waiting..." she whispered.

Spencer looked down and noticed her hands, a shredded tissue wadded up between them. She kept picking at the pieces. He reached for her hands and she jerked, scattering it everywhere.

"NO!" she yelled. "Spencer, NO!" She looked at him wild-eyed as she suddenly stood and pushed back her chair. "I can't! Why doesn't he – I CAN'T!"

JJ burst into tears and Spencer got his crutch under him and stood as quickly as he could, wrapping his arm around her and pulling her to him. He held her tightly and said "It's fine, it's okay, it's fine, shhh..." into her hair as she sobbed, the tears she'd been holding in flooding out of her now.

They stood there a long time. Emily came to the door and Spencer gave a tiny shake of his head to let her know not to say anything. Instead, she came in and quietly put her arms around the both of them. She kissed JJ lightly on the head, then nodded when Derek and Penelope came in and stood to the side, offering their silent support just by being there.

As JJ's sobs quieted, soon the only sounds in the room were the beeping monitors, and the beating of their saddened, heavy hearts.

Chapter 8: Chapter 8

Waking Up

Spencer woke up a little after four a.m., cramped and sore from falling asleep in the chair. Normally they wouldn't be allowed to stay overnight in the ICU, but they were FBI and Will was a cop, so nobody was arguing. Spencer creaked into a standing position and checked Will's monitors before leaning on his crutch to go get coffee for himself and JJ. Her head was on Will's bed, her hand grasping his, even in sleep. Spencer's heart ached for her. He knew Will was oblivious to what was going on, but Jennifer wasn't. She was going through every second of this agony and he would make damn sure that she didn't go through it alone.

He maneuvered out of the room, thumbed his phone and left messages for the entire team, telling them there was nothing new to report, they shouldn't worry about coming back until there were new developments or JJ needed them. He called and checked in with the babysitter, who said yes, she could stay with Henry for the day, and... he called Jaye.

She picked up on the first ring, sounding alert. Spencer doubted that she had slept.

"Hey." he said.

"You okay?" was the first thing out of her mouth.

"I guess. You sleep?" he asked.

"Sorta."

"Look, I'm pretty much gonna be camped out here until we hear anything, so you should probably just plan on doing whatever you need to, alright?" he said.

"Meaning?" she asked.

"I don't know when I'll be home so you should go ahead and go to work... I know you took off days to help me, and I'm... I'm sorry, I..." he stammered.

Her stomach fluttered. God he was so sweet. "Spencey. It's fine. I need you to promise me something, okay?"

"If I can," he said.

"If you need anything, anything at all, I will be the first person you call. If JJ or Will or anyone needs anything... I'm your girl. Got it?"

He smiled. "I can do that. Thank you, it means a lot."

She could hear the smile in his voice and she smiled too. "I meant what I said... I love-"

Spencer looked through the window and saw JJ wake up and go into the bathroom. Damnit, he didn't like it that he wasn't in there when she woke up. He took a breath and said "I know that you did, Jaye. It means a lot, really. I need to go now, okay? I'll stay in touch."

"You said that already," she thought. She bit her lip and looked up at the ceiling, her eyes damp. "Okay. Later then," she said, but he had already gone.

JJ came out of the bathroom and nearly ran into Spencer. "Oh! Hey, Spence... I thought you'd gone..." she said.

She'd brushed her teeth, washed her face and combed her hair, and Spencer's mind flashed on how beautiful she looked, then chided himself for being inappropriate. She groaned when she saw the coffee, gratefully reaching for her cup. Under other circumstances, he would've made a joke as to how both of them were for him. As it was, he handed it to her without a word, not mentioning he had ordered it to her special preference.

"No," he said, I slept in THAT special torture device." He nodded at the corner chair.

She nodded and moved to Will's bedside. It didn't occur to her to thank him for staying with her. It just seemed like something Spencer would do. "I haven't seen the doctor yet, have you?" she asked.

"No," he said. But I checked his monitors and they all were consistent with yesterday, according to his chart." he offered.

"So no change," she said dully.

Spencer cleared his throat. "No. I'm sorry, JJ."

"For what?" she said absently, taking Will's hand in hers.

"I – I just wish..." he started.

"What?" She looked at him. He could see the lines around her eyes, her mouth tight with worry. "What do you wish, Spencer?"

Spencer swallowed. He knew she was in pain and hated it. "I wish he would wake up, JJ," he said, his voice quiet and low.

She looked away from him, back at Will. Still holding his hand she said "The worst is the... nothing of all this. The way that he's just... there's nothing to be done. Everything has been done and it's hasn't done any good and it's not helping him or telling me anything and... there's no end in sight. Spence, there's no telling when it'll be over or better... how do I... how do I..."

Spencer moved to stand next to her. God he wanted to hold her but he didn't know. Is that what she needed? He settled for just standing by her, so close he could feel her body heat, her warmth. He looked at Will, physically there but not, and breathing... just breathing.

His leg was hurting so badly from not being able to elevate it last night, and he put his hand on the bed just to lean on it a little. JJ put her hand on top of his. He grasped hers and they looked at each other. JJ's blue eyes searching his, seeking... what? He didn't know.

"Spence. What do I tell Henry?"

Oh god. She stood there looking into his eyes and holding both his and Will's hand and she looked like some sort of fragile goddess and he just wanted to wrap himself completely around her and make her pain stop, make her feel loved and protected and happy and secure. JJ would've laughed at that, and at him for thinking it. She wasn't exactly some damsel, but nevertheless... he felt a sudden murderous urge towards the asshole that had done this to Will, and to JJ. He wanted him dead. Spencer knew it was irrational and he didn't care.

He looked at her and said "You're going to tell him how brave his dad is. You're going to tell him that he's in the hospital to get better, and that he will be home soon. And you're going to tell him that his dad loves him very much, and that everything will be alright. That is what Henry needs to hear."

JJ's eyes focused on his face the entire time watching his mouth saying the words she desperately needed to hear. She let go of Will's hand and wrapped her arms around her slender friend, grateful for his strength, and his love. Spencer returned her embrace, holding her tight and rubbing her back, his chin resting on the top of her head.

"Thank you," she whispered. They both swayed slightly, just taking comfort, each a balm to the other. Neither of them noticed the tiny brunette with the long braid and the muffin basket standing just outside the room, watching them. Watching and, more importantly... seeing.

At that moment Will started coughing – loudly and hard. JJ instantly grabbed up the nurse's call button at Will's side as Spencer crutched out the door, nearly knocking Jaye over in his haste to call for a doctor or a nurse, anyone... "Help us!" he shouted. "I think he's waking up, he's coughing, hurry!" he yelled.

Two nurses and a doctor came running in and went to work on Will, with JJ standing by. Spencer was trying to see, but at the same time was surprised to see Jaye.

"Hey... hey," he said. "Kinda crazy at the moment... did you, did I... are you okay?" he asked her, making sure he didn't hurt her when they collided.

"No, I'm good... I just... thought you guys might like these... and I... you know what? I'll come back. I'll come back later when... yeah."

She smiled up at him and turned to go, and he was torn between needing to see what was happening in the room and her leaving and he called after her "Jaye, wait!"

But she broke into a run as she rounded the corner and was gone. Spencer's head was on a pivot, trying to see both ways, and he was holding the muffin basket. He stared at it for a second then brought it into the room, setting it on the counter. He stayed back, out of the way of the medical team, listening to what they were saying. He watched JJ, too. Saw her freaked-out face, her wild look, and schooled his own expression into one of calm concern. If she looked at him, he wanted her to be reassured.

Will woke up. He stopped coughing and he looked directly at JJ, her smile brilliant as she saw his eyes open, her hands flying to his face, touching him, saying his name over and over.

"Who are you?" he said.

Chapter 9: Chapter 9

Loss

JJ looked at Will, stunned, her smile falling from her face. The doctor gently moved her out of the way and said "I need to get in here, Agent Jareau."

She backed up, her hand reaching out behind her to grab hold of anything that would keep her upright, her knees were turning to jelly and she felt herself falling. "He doesn't know me..." she thought.

She had almost fallen when she felt an arm around her waist, lifting her up. She clung to Spencer's strong arm as he held her, then he eased her down into the nearest chair. Spencer took her chin in his fingers and tilted her tear-streaked face up to his own. "Listen to me Jennifer", he said, arching his brows and making her look him in the eye, "it's temporary. He's going to remember - look, look at me... this is temporary!"

JJ gulped back tears and nodded, taking his hand off her chin and squeezing it hard. Spencer held onto her hand but stepped to the side so they could both see what was happening. The doctor was examining Will gently but quickly, trying to see if there were any external clues for his symptoms, when Will started seizing. The nurses moved to hold him down as his body jerked up and off the bed, repeatedly. JJ screamed "WILL!" and jumped to his bedside as the medical team tried to keep him from doing any further damage to himself. His seizure went on for what felt like forever, their efforts to hold him down less than half-effective, when he suddenly went limp. Feeling for a pulse the doctor shouted "He's coding! Get the crash-cart!" as one nurse fled the room to obey.

Jennifer backed up again as the doctor performed CPR, then the nurse was back with the cart and everything became slow-motion. JJ watched as they applied the defibrillator paddles to Will's chest, seeing them move as if under water, the doctor's repeated warning of "clear!" sounding like a whisper under the roaring in her ears.

They worked on him for nearly forty minutes, but in the end it proved futile. Detective William LaMontagne Jr. passed away, having never again knowingly seen the woman he had loved beyond all reason.

JJ lay across his silent body, sobbing, as Spencer stood behind her, tears running unashamedly down his face. He felt he should give them some privacy, so he hobbled into the hallway, closing the door behind him. He pulled out his phone, still crying, and called each of the team, his quiet voice softly breaking the tragic news to them all.

Emily spent the next few days with JJ, helping her go through the motions of daily life, seeing after Henry, and assisting with all the arrangements for Will's funeral. It was to be a celebratory affair, if such a thing existed, complete with a New Orleans jazz band. JJ walked through it all, accepting condolences from all of Will's cop friends and loved ones, feeling flattened and completely void of emotion. The team was there, of course, and Spence. She just couldn't bring herself to care. About anything. Her mother had come and taken Henry for the foreseeable future, and she was relieved about that much, at least.

She excused herself early and went to lie down, even the act of crawling onto her bed seemed enormous, insurmountable. Spencer watched her go, then followed her in, catching Emily's eye to let her know he'd look after her. He crutched into her room, his heart aching with how small she looked, all in black, crumpled into a ball on her bed. Her and Will's bed.

He leaned down to remove her shoes, and got a blanket from the reading chair in the corner. He spread the blanket over her and squeezed her shoulder, noticing her unseeing eyes were wide open. "Can I get you anything?" He whispered. She didn't answer so he went to sit in the chair, staying there silently sharing her grief, until late into the night.

Chapter 10: Chapter 10

Anything

A weary Doctor Reid unlocked his front door at around 2 a.m. and went inside. He'd taken a taxi home from JJ's, not wanting to bother anyone to give him a lift. He knew he wasn't going to sleep, so he crutched into his kitchen intent on making a pot of coffee when he saw one already made for him. He poured a cup expecting it to be old, but it was fresh.

"Jaye," he thought. She hadn't been uppermost in his mind much since Will had died. It seemed like the team just closed ranks around JJ, and Spencer knew it had been the right thing to do. He needed to talk to her, though. Wanted to.

Thinking that he had probably just missed her judging by the fresh pot, he pulled out his phone and thumbed her number.

"Spencer, hi..." she answered.

"I'm drinking the coffee," he said. "Thank you."

"Well... y'know," she said. He could almost see her shrug.

"Can we talk tomorrow? See each other?" He asked.

"Uh... hmm. I don't - " she hesitated.

"I have to go in, get with the team." He hurried on, not wanting her to say no - "I should be done around dinner time though?"

"How is JJ?" Jaye asked, sincere.

"Not good. Pretty terrible, actually. She's numb and devastated and... she's just somewhere else, you know? Thank you for asking, Jaye."

"I remember when my parents died, Spencer. I know what she's feeling," she said.

Spencer knew her parents had died in a plane crash, traveling to see Jaye get her DVM. It had been a few years now, but it was still hard for her to talk about.

"Of course you do," he said quietly.

"I should be done around 7. I'll just meet you at your place." she said.

"Okay." he replied.

"I miss you." she whispered.

"I know, I'm sorry. I'll see you tomorrow. Get some sleep," he softly chided her, his voice warm.

They hung up and Spencer limped, crutchless, moving to the couch, coffee in hand. He was getting pretty good at moving around, he thought. He switched on the tv and was glad to see a marathon of American Pickers was on, a welcome distraction from everything bouncing around his incredible mind. He wondered what he was going to say to Jaye, tomorrow. "Tonight," he corrected himself. He guessed he'd take his clues from her, but he did know he was going to be spending a lot of time with Jennifer whenever he could, just being there for her. He hoped Jaye would understand.

A sudden knock at his door startled him out of his reverie and he jumped. Wondering who the hell it could be at this hour he limped over and opened the door. There stood JJ, eyes red and swollen, hair wild and tangled. Spencer took her in at a glance and noticed she had her pjs on under her coat.

"You left," she said. "You left."

"God JJ, get in here, come here! Are you okay?" Spencer was surprised and concerned all at once. "What the heck are you doing? I left you sound asleep -" He closed the door and searched her face, worried.

She stood there with her hands in the pockets of her trench looking very upset, very disheveled, and... very small. "You left." she repeated.

Spencer reached for her, wrapping his good arm around her and pulling her close. She was stiff as a board and kept her hands in her pockets, her face now buried in his shirt. Spencer rubbed her arm to try and soothe her and heard a muffled "You left" once more, then felt her start to shake.

"Hey, hey... shhhh, it's okay, it's okay... I'm here. Come over here, JJ." He lead her to the couch. They sat down and JJ finally took her hands from her pockets and wiped her eyes.

"What's all this about now?" Spencer asked her, his voice tender.

"Spence, I'm sorry... I should go. I should go." She got up to leave and Spencer wasn't having it. He caught her hand and gently pulled her back down. He just looked at her, giving her time, waiting for her to tell it.

"I just... I woke up and everything was dark and there was no Will and no Henry and... nobody." She looked into his hazel eyes, so warm with sympathy and she started crying again as she told him "I don't have any right to want you there with me, but I do Spence... and it's not just because I don't want to be alone, it isn't. People exhaust me right now... it's just... you. We've always been there for each other and now I – I can't help it, and I'm sorry... can I just... can I just stay here tonight?"

He could see the pain in her beautiful face, her vivid blue eyes were dark with it and he couldn't stand it. He pulled her to him, leaning back on the sofa, sliding his arm around her again. JJ leaned her head on his shoulder, wrapping both her arms around him so tightly, holding on to him for dear life. "You never have to ask, JJ."

They sat that way a long time, Spencer's hand in her hair, gently smoothing her tangles with his long fingers. Jennifer sighed and he felt her breathing become slower, more even. He would sit that way until daylight if that is what she needed.

Anything for her. Anything.

Chapter 11: Chapter 11

Breaking

Spencer woke early. JJ hadn't moved a muscle and his legs were numb from sitting up all night. He noticed a wet spot on his shirt and didn't know if it was her saliva or her tears, but he didn't care, he still thought it was adorable.

He moved her off of him and leaned her head against the arm of the couch, then wiggled his legs to get the feeling back in them. "I gotta stop sleeping in chairs," he thought to himself, then smiled a little. He needed a shower, and he didn't want to wake her just yet. She could use all the sleep she could get.

JJ was sitting at the dining room table when he came back out, dressed and ready for work. She had a big plate in front of her, piled high with peanut butter toast. She just stared at it. "I made too much," she said, her voice almost a whisper.

Spencer's heart broke. He knew she didn't cook, and making toast was probably something she did for Henry and Will every morning. He said "My favorite," grabbing a piece as he moved past the table, intent on the coffee maker. He saw that she had put the coffee in, but had forgotten the water. He filled it quickly and joined her at the table.

"How are you, did you get any rest?" He asked, touching her hand.

She just looked at him, the dark circles under her eyes stark against her pale skin.

"Everyone's life is so normal, isn't it? It's all just business as usual, right?" she said, unsmiling. "I should go in, shouldn't I? The team -"

"- needs you, yes. But not right now, JJ," he finished. He tilted his head, catching her eyes with his, compelling her to look at him. "It's only been a few days. Everyone understands, everyone cares. Please don't -"

"Don't what, Spence?" her voice suddenly shrill. "Move forward? Get back in the 'swing' of things? Isn't that what I should be doing? Re-establishing my routine, getting my life back?"

"JJ -" he began.

"What? No? Maybe you think I should just sit here making ridiculous amounts of food all day!" She was yelling now and she stood up and reached for the plate, knocking it to the floor, breaking it and scattering toast everywhere.

"Is that going to help? Will that make me feel better?" she shouted.

Spencer stood up and reached out to her. She batted his hand away.

"No, I can't do that, you see? I can't because it's fucking agony to just breathe, to walk through a room because the air hurts my skin, to close my eyes because all I see is his face! And I can't do it most of all because...because there's nobody to make it for, is there? There's nobody..." she trailed off, sinking to her knees amid the shards of broken plate, cutting herself and not feeling it.

Spencer kicked away most of the broken china and maneuvered down on the floor with her. He reached out and lifted her hair out of her eyes, stroking her temple with his thumb. She looked at him, dry-eyed and suddenly frantic. She pulled him to her and buried her face in his neck. He put his arm around her and rocked her and just let her wail. She wasn't even crying, just making a keening noise borne of pure pain, and right then he knew he felt it as deeply as she did.

Spencer called Hotch and let him know he'd be late, and why. He washed and bandaged JJ's cuts and watched her slowly come back to herself. She was still sad, and completely silent, but he could sense a release in her. Something had broken free, if only by the tiniest fraction. He thanked fate that he had been with her when it happened.

She insisted on driving him to work, despite his objections. She was calm, so he relented, but only after extracting her promise that she'd go home, take a bath and a nap, and call him the moment she woke up.

They were almost to Quantico when JJ said "I called him Spence."

Spencer tilted his head and looked at her. "Hmm?"

"I called him Spence," she repeated. Keeping her eyes on the road.

"I don't... I mean... I don't..." Spencer said, confused.

She took a breath. "The night before he got shot, he was kissing me... we were kissing... and instead of saying his name... I said yours."

"You... did?" He said.

"Yeah." she replied. She glanced at him, trying to gauge his reaction, but all she saw was surprise.

Spencer's stomach did a little flip at her news, but then he realized how much it must be adding to her pain, her guilt right now. All he could think of to say was "I'm sorry."

She smiled ruefully before gripping the steering wheel even harder and staring at the road.

"So am I." she lied.

Spencer didn't get home until close to ten that night. He'd stayed to put in a few more hours since he'd been late that morning and the team needed his input on a particularly difficult geographic profile. JJ had called him as she promised, and he checked in with her once more before Garcia gave him a lift home. Satisfied that she'd be alright, he tried to focus on seeing Jaye.

She was waiting for him, still in her scrubs, watching tv and eating popcorn. She went to him as he came in, taking his satchel and setting it down before sliding her arms around his waist.

His hands went to her hips and they looked into each other's eyes for a long moment.

"Hi," Jaye said.

"Hi." He replied.

They smiled at each other and Jaye stood on tiptoe to take his warm lips in a soft kiss. He bent to her and she slid her arms around his neck, pulling him in for a deeper kiss. He fell into it, letting her warm him with her touch. He broke the kiss and looked at her, then lightly kissed her again and said, "Nice welcome."

She nuzzled against his ear and said "I told you I missed you."

He smiled at her, sliding his arm around her as they moved to sit down.

"Sorry so late," he said.

"Regular hours aren't usually part of our work day, are they?" Jaye reached up to squeeze his shoulder as they sat. "You alright?"

He looked at her, silent for a moment. "I can't remember the last time someone asked me that," he said, nonplussed.

She looked at his kind eyes, understanding, and said "Grieving is a selfish process. It kind of has to be."

"I know, and I'm not going to start whining about it. It's just been really hard with the losing him and then seeing what she's been going through, what it's doing to her. The stages. And its just begun for her, you know? She's so... panicky and desperate and then completely shut down all within a five-minute span."

Jaye nodded.

"JJ's such a strong woman, he continued. On top of everything else I'm sure it's killing her to be this way, especially since there's not a damn thing she can do about it." He dropped his head.

Jaye reached for his hand. "Spencey I'm sorry about all of this. I feel for JJ, it's a terrible loss for anyone to sustain. Please forgive me though, if my main concern is how this is all affecting you. I mean I just met her recently... but I love you. I just want you to know that my main concern through all this is going to be your well-being. You are still healing, still very much on the mend, and I want to make sure that none of this is interfering with you getting back on two feet. Preferably crutchless."

Spencer smiled at her and reached behind her head to bring her forehead to his; a gesture that meant a lot to the both of them. "You're amazing. And thank you, but I'm a big boy, you know. I've been looking after myself for a long time."

"Too long," she thought. But she said out loud "I know. But you have to let me do that sometimes, now too. Just sometimes."

He kissed her and leaned back, his head on the back of the couch. He closed his eyes. "Are you staying tonight?" He asked.

She stood up and grabbed his hand, helping him up. "Yep. Now let's go get you undressed."

He stood, chuckling a little. "Boy, you just cut to the chase, don't you?" he smirked.

"I have to chase you too?" She joked, mishearing him on purpose. "Won't be too hard with you all gimped up, I guess."

The corners of his mouth turned up at her teasing but he said "Hey!" anyway, leaning on her just a little bit as they made their way down the hall to the bedroom.

Chapter 12: Chapter 12

Truths

In the weeks that followed, life started to get back some sense of normalcy for JJ. Spencer had been amazing, always there, every moment when she needed him to be, and the team had been the best support she could've ever asked for. JJ felt strongly that she needed to begin taking charge of herself, both for Henry's sake, and her own. As she drove to Spence's to pick him up for work, she tried to puzzle it out.

She and Spencer had continued to become closer throughout all this, and now couldn't imagine herself without him. Sometimes when they were watching tv, holding each other at night, it was all she could do to keep from lifting her face to kiss him. His arms around her, his smell... she needed all of it, all of him. She had to grudgingly admit that Jaye had been very patient, and knew that she herself would never have been so generous.

He occupied her every thought, but she was cognizant enough of the fact that Jaye loved him too, and that Spence seemed – while not quite torn between the two of them – oblivious to the fact that a choice would need to be made. Soon.

JJ wanted to be the one giving him everything, lavishing love and affection on him... making him feel wanted and cherished. She wanted him to have whatever, whomever he wanted. She just needed to make sure she knew what exactly that was. She did NOT want to try to run off Jaye if it would cause Spence any heartache. And frankly, she didn't know if that was even possible at this point, as the two of them seemed as tight as ever. As much as that thought irritated her, she knew it to be true.

JJ knocked once, then let herself in to his apartment, calling out "Spence, I'm here! You ready?" and was surprised to see Jaye walk out from the hallway, wiping her hands on a towel.

"Hey, JJ." she said, her voice flat.

"Oh, hi Jaye. Is he ready - ?"

"He's not here. Sorry I forgot to call you – I got to cleaning and forgot the time - Morgan took him to the doc's to get his cast off." Jaye dropped the towel and set her hands on her hips. "Come in, he'll be back soon, and it'll give us a chance to talk."

"Wow," JJ thought, "She's really acting like the 'little woman' around here now." JJ didn't like her tone, and it made her uncomfortable. She also didn't feel like starting her day out talking to Jaye.

"Come in," she repeated.

JJ didn't see any way to avoid it so she smiled briefly and went in.

Jaye got right to the point. "Do you want him?" she asked, hands still on her hips.

JJ saw no point in denying it or playing dumb so she answered honestly; "Yes."

"Then we have a problem." Jaye responded.

"Yes," JJ said again.

"I'm not the type to scratch your eyes out, and I'm guessing you aren't either, so... suggestions?" Jaye started, reasonably enough.

The two women stood facing each other, JJ with her arms crossed, Jaye's feet splayed, hands still on hips.

JJ said, "It's not up to either of us. It's up to him. He loves us both, you know."

"I know. But you've got to know that I will not let him go easily. I know you've known him longer, I know you two have a special bond, and he's Henry's godfather, but JJ... he is my all. I love all and every single thingabout him. I want to spend the rest of our lives making him happy." Their eyes locked and JJ could see the sincerity there – and also the fear.

"But is that what he wants, Jaye?" JJ asked, softly. "And if it isn't, are you prepared to let him go, to let him be happy with me? If his happiness is all you're concerned with... what if it ultimately isn't with you? What if he wants me as much as I want him? What if he picks me?

"Do you honestly think he will? JJ you've been keeping him at arm's length for years, knowing his feelings for you all along. You went and had a long-term relationship with another man, not Spencer. Had his child, not Spencer's ... how do you think that made him feel all this time, all these years? You kept him in a box on your shelf, for... what? In case your relationship failed? Then he gets hurt, you find out he has a real girlfriend and all of a sudden you 'love' him? Too little, too late blondie. He knows what it's like to be loved back, now. To be cherished for who he is. Don't you think he deserves that?"

JJ looked down and pursed her lips. She couldn't argue with any of that, but she said "Jaye, all of that seems true, but Spencer and I have such a rich history, there's so much more to it than just that... so much we've been through together. Yes, his accident and my terrible tragedy brought us even closer, made me realize... but that doesn't make the love any less real... and I truthfully cannot see him with anyone else. Look I have nothing against you, I'm glad that you have been there for him, but my honest feeling is that if he came through that door right now and we asked him to choose... that you would be the one leaving. I think you know it, too, and I think it terrifies you."

"What are you two doing?" The women turned in unison to see Spencer standing in the open doorway.

"Spence," JJ said.

"I asked a question," he said, closing the door behind him and using a cane to move into the living room, his face serious.

"We're talking about you, Spencer." Jaye offered.

"I see. And what did the two of you decide?" Spencer asked, looking from one to the other, his voice sharp.

"Spence..." JJ reached to touch his arm but he lifted his hand to stop her.

"No, really. What did you two come up with?" he asked again, mouth in a tight line.

"I forgot to call JJ and she showed up and we started talking. Don't get defensive, Spencer. What subject do you think we'd talk about, left alone in a room together?" Jaye said.

Spencer looked at her full-on. "Please don't tell me how to be, Jaye. It looked very intense when I opened the door. I need you both to tell me what is going on."

Jennifer moved to stand in front of him, her blue eyes looking into his hazel. "We're talking about what to do, Spence. All of us. We're trying to figure this out." She gestured to Jaye. "We both love you, we both want you..."

"- And we know you love us both," Jaye finished.

Spencer flushed red. Intellectually, he knew that this would happen sometime, but right now? He was neither prepared, nor eager to tackle this just yet. He cleared his throat.

"Jennifer I don't know what started all this today, but Hotch is waiting for us and this is going to have to wait. Morgan is driving me in, I just came in to get my satchel. Jaye... god. Why now? This is serious and we're going to have to give it proper attention. I cannot do this now, there is no time. We'll talk later. JJ, I'll see you at the BAU." Spencer picked up his tan leather satchel and left the two women staring at a closed door.

"That went well," they said together, meaning just the opposite.

Chapter 13: Chapter 13

Choices

Spencer jumped in the front seat of Derek's car and said "Floor it."

Never one to question the need for speed, Morgan grinned and sped out of there, tires squealing. Spencer fumbled with his seat belt, locking it, then dropped his head back on the headrest.

Morgan glanced at him, seeing his grim expression. "What's wrong with you, pretty boy?"

"They were talking about me." Spencer said.

"Who?" Derek asked.

"Jennifer and Jaye."

Derek grinned again "MACK Daddy!" he said. "Wait, JJ was over?"

"It's not funny, Morgan. Everything about me isn't a joke, you know." Spencer said, getting angry. "These are real women with genuine feelings, and I'll thank you not to laugh about it, alright?"

Derek pulled over into the nearest parking lot. He parked and shut the car off. "Look at me." he said. Spencer did.

"Reid, I don't pick on you because I don't take you seriously. I pick on you because I do. I know who sits in that brain." He tapped Spencer's temple. "And I know your heart. I also know how you've been there for JJevery day since Will died. A regular friend just can't do that. A regular friend is there sometimes but has his own life too."

Spencer looked down, dropping his chin to his chest.

And Jaye's been there for you, hasn't she? She's been standing by, offering her comfort, her love... but you've been with JJ, haven't you? By your physical presence, and in your heart too."

Spencer nodded, still looking down.

"I'm gonna tell you something. I'm only telling you this because I think you need to know, should know, okay? Do NOT tell JJ I told you – promise?"

Reid looked at him. "I won't, promise."

"The day we all came to the hospital and chewed you out – the day we all learned about Jaye?"

Spencer's eyes stayed on his face, silently asking him to continue.

"JJ was so upset about it, she had to leave work. I went in to check on her because I noticed how quiet she was when everyone was going on about you and Jaye... and she pretty much told me to fuck off and ran out. I caught up with her on the stairs and she was..."

"What?" Spencer demanded.

"She'd lost it. She was just sitting on a step, crying. She begged me not to tell you, and I didn't. Until now. Reid, that woman loves you." He finished.

Spencer leaned back against the headrest and pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes. "God, Morgan. What do I do? I've never been in this situation before... and it's not wonderful and it's not easy and fun like I always imagined it to be. Derek, there is no way that I can choose between them. I love them both. I try to stay calm on the outside but inside I'm a bag of cats. When I'm near JJ, all I can think of is touching her, smelling her, getting my arms around her, laughing with her... and when I'm with Jaye... it feels so comfortable, so warm. And I'm completely confident in her love for me. I want... I need them both. Ugh, that sounds so selfish, I'm such an asshole!"

Morgan looked down and smiled, then looked back up at his younger friend. Spencer's eyes were wide and his mouth open, like he couldn't believe his own words.

"So don't choose," Morgan said.

"What?" Spencer asked.

"Don't choose." Morgan repeated.

"Oh, that's just great, that's just -" Spencer said.

"No, hear me out..." Derek began. "Reid if I do know one thing it's that these things have a way of working themselves out. Eventually things are going to come to a head and you will have a clear answer right in front of your eyes. Until then, you should just take your time and see who is the better fit. See which woman you can imagine being with, indefinitely. And most importantly, who makes you the happiest... who fills your heart."

Spencer nodded and looked down. "JJ," he whispered, and looked back up at Morgan. "It's always been her."

"Okay, good. And I believe you, I've seen it with my own eyes. But how are you gonna feel the next time Jaye is looking up at you, kissing you... riding you?" Derek said.

Spencer ran his hands through his hair, frustrated.

"All I'm saying is... no rush, man. Take your time. And there's something else, too..." he said.

"Go on," Spencer replied.

"Who's to say it's even up to you? There's three people in the mix, here. Who said you're the one to decide?"

"I don't know, it just feels like it's on me. Derek, I just don't want anyone to get hurt. They're both so amazing, such incredible women... I'm so lucky, I know... " he trailed off.

"I see your problem, kid." Derek turned the ignition and put the car in gear. "Talk to them. See how they feel, what they're thinking. But like I said, just take your time."

They headed off to Quantico, Spencer grateful for Derek's advice, even if he was still no closer to a decision, at least he felt less alone with his problem.

JJ was deep in thought as she drove to work. She needed to get her head back in the game, and she needed to stop obsessing over Spence. "I know him as well as I know myself," she thought, "I just wish I knew what to do..." .

Jaye finished braiding her hair and grabbed her keys as she left Spencer's place. She looked at her keyring and thought "I wonder how long I'll have his key..." then mentally shook herself. "Stop it, girl, he loves you... he loves you...".

Agents Morgan and Reid walked into the BAU together, Derek putting an arm around the thin doctor's shoulders, lending him his silent support. Spencer focused on his surroundings and headed for the conference room where the team waited, preparing for the next case.

"Let's go to work," Spencer thought.

Chapter 14: Chapter 14

Destiny

After the briefing JJ gathered up the files – looks like they were headed to Florida – again. Her mind was on the case so she gave a start when Spencer touched her elbow.

"Oh hey sorry, didn't mean to startle - " he said

"It's okay, I'll live," she replied, looking up at him, a small smile playing on her lips.

Spencer kept his voice low, "I know this isn't really the place, but..." he began.

JJ shifted the files to her hip and faced him. "Spence. Anytime, anyplace you need to say something to me? It's always good." Her eyes caught his and she raised her eyebrows and continued; "I'm guessing you want to talk more about this morning?"

He nodded.

"My office." she said. "Though we don't have much time, when Hotch says 'wheels up in 30', he means exactly that." They both nodded.

Derek watched the two of them walk across the catwalk above the bullpen to JJ's office and smiled to himself. "No time like the present," he thought.

Spencer closed her door then jumped as he turned and she was right there in front of him, still holding the files. He cleared his throat.

"I just wanted to - "

His thoughts were cut off by the softest lips he'd ever felt. Suddenly, she was kissing him ever so lightly, so tenderly... he gave himself over to it and returned the kiss in kind, parting his lips slightly and gently pushing them onto hers. JJ let out a little moan that was half a sob and she dropped the files as Spencer's arms went around her. Their kiss grew deeper, harder as the moments passed, JJ reaching up and entwining her fingers in his hair, pushing her mouth onto his warm, full lips, sliding out just a bit of her tongue and tasting his in return.

All Spencer could think about was how long he'd dreamed of this happening, how long he'd wanted to kiss her like this. In his wildest thoughts he'd never imagined it happening at work (well, maybe once). Now here she was in his arms and he never wanted it to end, she kissed him and kissed him, over and over and as he felt his body responding to her, he struggled to stop. He murmured against her mouth, "JJ, god... we have to..." and his words were lost against her warm, beautiful lips, her tongue now taking possession of his and skillfully moving around and in and out...

"I can't lose you Spence..." she whispered, her hands in his hair. "I can't lose you, not you... god, baby please..."

Spencer's heart soared and he kissed her harder, his arms wrapping tighter around her small waist, stroking her back, her long, silky hair brushing against his fingers. She was like a wonderful, perfect drug and he couldn't have let her go now if his life depended on it. His heart pounded hard in his chest and he knew he had never felt this before, this intensity, and the sheer rightness of it overwhelmed him.

He broke their kiss with a sigh and rubbed his face against hers, needing to catch his breath and she reached her hand up to touch his lips. She met his eyes, and hers were glossy with tears and love and he couldn't stop looking at them. He lost himself in their depths and breathed "JJ..." and it was the most beautiful sound in the world to her. They stood there in each other's arms for long minutes, just staring, lost in the feeling of oneness that had been so long in coming, and that neither could explain, or deny.

From that moment on they were inseparable. All throughout the case in Florida, they were by each other's side. At night, not yet wanting to tell the team, they would sneak into each other's hotel rooms, spending long, slow hours exploring and loving each other, learning each other, passionately mapping and memorizing each other's bodies. Afterwards, they would lie exhausted, sated, and sleeping curled into one another, breathing almost as one.

Jennifer could never remember ever having been this happy, and neither could Spencer. Their joy consumed them, and it was evident to anyone looking at them (especially expert profilers) that they were deeply in love. The team, to their credit, said nothing, respecting their privacy and trusting them to announce it when the time was right. They all moved through the case as if nothing had changed, everyone remaining professional and at the top of their game.

The only thing that cast a pall over their bliss was the realization that one person would be devastated by it.

Jaye.

She sat with the phone at her ear, waiting for him to pick up, but it went right to voicemail yet again. Jaye knew Spencer was on a case, but she hadn't been able to speak to him at all this trip. It was unlike him to ever be inconsiderate... so, she worried.

This was the first trip that JJ had been on since Will's death, how long ago? Four, five months now? And Jaye had forgotten how it felt to have Spencer go off with her and the rest of the team. It bugged, big time. And now he didn't pick up when she called, didn't call her back, either. It hurt... and while she tried to come up with logical reasons for him, they all rang flat.

In her core, she knew. She could deny it up front all she wanted, but in the end, she knew. JJ was getting the upper hand. All this undivided attention was having an impact on Spencer, Jaye just felt it. GOD she wished he'd just return her calls! She needed to talk to him, it had already been three days. Three days and nights of nothing, and the hole in her stomach growing bigger with each day passed. She finally stopped swatting away the little mental voice that kept saying "You're losing him" and started listening to it.

"Well blondie, you're not getting him without a fight." she told herself. Her hands balled into little fists as she began to formulate her plan. "Buckle up."

Chapter 15: Chapter 15

Unexpected

Jennifer and Spencer pulled up into his driveway and the first thing they saw was Jaye's car.

Spencer looked at her. "I need to go in alone."

JJ nodded. "That's probably best... do you want me to wait, or go on home?" she asked.

"Jennifer I don't want to be away from you for five minutes... but I don't know how long this will take." he said.

JJ looked at her lap. "I hope... you know she's going to try to draw this out as long as possible." she said, feeling insecure.

Spencer reached over and took her hand in his. "Hey... it's going to take as long as it needs to," he said, his voice soft. "She's not nothing, JJ. Her feelings matter and she's going to be really hurt and angry. Can you try to understand that I need to make this as easy for her as possible?"

"Sure... of course. Maybe I should come in with you? What if she starts getting physical?"

"You mean like throwing dishes?" he teased. They both smiled at that. "It'll be okay. I'll call you after she leaves, alright?"

JJ just looked at him... worried.

Spencer pulled her to him and kissed her forehead, then tilted her chin up to catch her eyes. "I love you," he said, touching her lips with his.

"I love you back," she whispered.

Spencer unlocked his door and walked in, setting his cane down next to the door. He noticed her bag was packed and sitting right there. He took off his scarf and draped it over his hat rack, then turned as the kitchen light went on.

Never one to mince words, Jaye stood there next to the kitchen counter, leaning on it.

"So?" she said.

"Come sit down." Spencer said.

"Rather stand, thanks. Do you love her?" she asked.

Spencer moved to stand next to her. He kept his voice low. "Yes."

"More than me?"

"Jaye, it's not a question of that. It is what it is. I'm so sorry... I know this must hurt..."

"You're damn right it hurts, Spencer, fuck! What did you think would happen? That I would just shrug and ride off into the sunset? THAT'S how much you respect me? My feelings, my love for you?"

"I know, I-" he began

She cut him off - "NO! You don't get to talk right now – you listen! I've loved you from the start, I loved you when nobody else did, when nobody saw or appreciated you – I DID! She ran around in her stupid little domestic cloud, with another man, pretending not to notice how you felt about her but I was the one that was there for you all this time! I'm the one that cares for you, loves you – not her - ME, Spencer! I do NOT deserve to be cast aside just because you finally got a taste of what you've been after all these years..."

"Don't, Jaye. It's not like that. It's been coming for years. Will's death was..." he said.

"I don't care! I don't care 'how' it is! Her man dies, so she thinks she can just come in here and take mine? I'm sorry, NO! This is not happening!" Jaye was shaking and she put her hands on the counter to steady herself. Spencer put his hand on top of hers.

"Nobody's taking me. Jaye, god, I'm so sorry... it's just the way it has to be. It's the way things are meant to be. Would you really want to hold on to me knowing that my heart is... elsewhere?"

She jerked her hand away. "Yes!" She looked up at him, eyes pleading. "I know it could get better with us, with time... with... this."

She reached behind to her back pocket and pulled out a home pregnancy test stick. She laid it on the counter with a sharp 'click' and Spencer saw the little blue plus sign in the window.

The room got pitch black except for that stick. Spencer looked from it, back up to Jaye's tearful face, and back down again. This time it was he who reached out for the counter to steady himself.

"You're pregnant." he said, dumbly.

"Yes, WE are." she replied. She moved past him and walked to the front door, picking up her bag and slinging it over her shoulder.

"Think about it, genius. Then tell me what you want to do next. Tell me what's 'meant to be'." She let herself out and slammed the door.

Chapter 16: Chapter 16

Promises and Profiles

JJ waited until long after dark to hear from Spence. She busied herself by playing with and reading to Henry, then when he went to sleep she started cleaning her already clean kitchen. She was a jumble of nerves and was just about to pick up the phone to call him when there was a knock at her door.

She hurried over and flung the door open and there stood Spencer, his face stricken.

"Spence! I was starting to worry, how - " she began.

"Can I come in?" he said, his manner stiff.

She looked at his face, trying to figure out what this was. "Sure, of course." She reached for his hand and led him inside, noticing how he didn't return her grip. They went to the couch and sat, and Spencer pulled a white plastic something out of his pocket and set it on the coffee table in front of them.

JJ looked at it in disbelief. She immediately knew what this meant, and she instantly rejected it. Her instinct was to grab it and throw it across the room, smashing it against the wall but instead she swallowed and met Spencer's eyes. "No." was all she could manage.

He looked at her, misery evident in every muscle of his beautiful face, his eyes dark pools of bottomless anguish. "JJ..." he whispered.

Her stomach lurched as she reached for him. Instead of folding himself into her embrace he stood up, stepping back from her, his hands held up, palms out towards her. "I need to think, I need to figure out what to do," he said, "and I need to do it with a clear head. I have to do what's right and I... I just wanted you to know, to hear it from me..."

Terror gripped her as she caught his meaning. He was pulling away from her, telling her he couldn't be with her now. "Spence!" she said, her voice panicky, "Wait! We can figure this out together, we – Spence!" she shouted as he moved to the front door.

He left the house and walked quickly out to the driveway, reaching his car and opening the door. JJ was right behind him. "No!" she said, for the second time that night as she slammed his car door closed. He turned to face her and she stood back, gesturing, slicing the air with her hand.

"I'll be damned if I'll let this happen. You are not alone in this, Spencer! If you want to suspend our relationship until this gets sorted out, I will do that but I will NOT watch you go through this all alone. You've just been through the worst time of my life with me, ALL through it with me, and I've come out the other end because of you. I will not allow you to push me away 'for my own good' or otherwise. Just the thought - " She stopped as she looked up and saw the tears in his eyes.

"Jennifer..." he said, his voice barely above a whisper, "how... how can I - ?"

Then she was in his arms and her hands were on his face then she pulled his head down and she was kissing him for dear life, his lips hard against hers as she felt her own tears come, mingling with his. She wrapped her arms tight around his shoulders and held him to her as she felt him sob against her. His mouth softened as he kissed her over and over and they couldn't stop, didn't ever want to stop. She clutched at him, unable to get close enough and as he held her tighter, kept kissing him, his lips, god his lips, his jawline, his throat. Her hands were in his hair now and all she cared about, all she wanted was to push as much love and caring and feeling into him as she could. His lean, strong arms held her up, her feet off the ground as they kissed deeper and deeper, his mind cleared of all sorrow, then there was only her.

They broke the kiss, breathing hard, neither of them crying any longer. He touched his lips to hers and she responded with same, kissing him delicately as they both tried to catch their breath. He lowered her slowly until her feet touched ground again and reached up to cup her face in his hands, his thumbs gently brushing away her tears. God but she was so beautiful in the moonlight, her hair turned to silver, her eyes bright with tears and stars. She blinked up at him, still breathing hard, then closed her eyes and leaned her cheek into his palm, her hands against his chest, feeling his heartbeat.

They were loathe to break the connection, and JJ slid her arm around his waist as his arm went around her too. They moved as one back into the house, their eyes never leaving the other's face. They had a lot to talk about, but there would be no leave-taking of any kind. Spencer knew then he could never be without her... she was the other side of his soul.

They sat at JJ's kitchen table across from each other, each holding an outstretched hand. The hot tea she had made for them went a long way in soothing their raw nerves, and she spoke first.

"I need you to hear me now, Spence. I need you to know that regardless of what happens, and if and when there is a child... I'm with you. I need you to know that you are not alone, no matter what, and that I love you and we will work everything out together. If this is true and there will be a child, I will love that child every bit as much as you love Henry. Do you get me?" She looked directly into his worried eyes, their hazel warmth latching on to her clear blue determination.

He gave her such a look of love and understanding that no words were needed. He nodded and squeezed her hand.

She continued, "I can't let you make the same mistake I did, with Will. Not that I regret everything because I wouldn't have Henry if I hadn't made some of the choices I did... but Spence... I wasted so much time trying to make it work with a man I cared for, but wasn't in love with. I never even knew that this kind of love existed. You and I have something that is palpable, tangible... and I will never leave you out in the cold. You can easily be there, be an amazing father to your child, and not be with his mother. It's just more people to love that baby. So from now on, we make decisions together, think things through together. Deal?"

He entwined his fingers with hers and squeezed again. "That's the best deal I've heard all night," he said softly. "I love you, you know. Thank you."

She smiled at him, tilting her head and said simply "I love you back."

A thought occurred to her suddenly and she asked,"Do we know that this pregnancy is even real?"

"The thought crossed my mind," he said, "but everything I know about her screams that deceiving me that way is something she'd never do. I suppose it's possible, but I doubt it. And yes, she is on the pill. Statistically speaking, there is only that one percent chance, but..."

"That's all it takes," JJ finished for him. They both nodded, grimly.

"Okay, this next question really isn't any of my business, but I need to ask... will she keep it?" JJ wondered.

"Yes." was all that Spencer said. JJ considered that subject dropped.

They slipped as naturally into profiler mode as breathing and they talked long into the night at the table, never letting go of each other's hand, doing something that Spencer swore he would never do.

They profiled Jaye.

Chapter 17: Chapter 17

At Work

The next day, Spencer was in the break room at work pouring coffee into his Dr. Who mug (a birthday gift from JJ) when Rossi walked in.

"Hey, Rossi..." Spencer said.

Dave leaned against the counter, looked at Reid and crossed his arms. Spencer looked up from pouring and did a double take. Why was Rossi staring at him?

"Were you gonna tell me?" Dave asked.

Spencer looked at him. He could only be talking about one of two things – people, rather. Jaye or JJ.

Spencer cleared his throat and stirred his coffee. "E-eventually?" he said, his voice rising.

"Well she got to me first." Dave said, doing nothing to clarify things for Spencer.

"She did?" Spencer said, fishing.

He and JJ had agreed to keep this close to the vest until they had a more solid idea of what was to happen. His brain was trying to wrap around JJ telling Rossi and it just didn't compute. He had to be talking about Jaye... Rossi was the only one on the team that had made any kind of connection with her, and she saw him as a kind of fatherly figure.

Dave tilted his head and made a 'really?' face at Reid. "Okay, if that's how you want to be," he said, moving out of the break room. "But you know my office door is always open, kid. Even when it's not."

Spencer had to know. "Hey Rossi?"

Dave turned around.

"So, you talked to Jaye?" he asked, trying to appear nonchalant.

Rossi spread his arms, "Who else?" He walked back in. "You didn't pick up your phone last night, so I called her line. She said I should talk to you. She didn't sound good, Reid. Are you okay?"

Spencer tried not to think about the fact that he was standing in front of the man that created the Behavior Analysis Unit. He fidgeted anyway. Clearing his throat he squeaked "Yeah."

Rossi side-eyed and turned around, walking out without another word.

Spencer started to follow him out and nearly ran into Prentiss.

As he awkwardly tried to wipe the spilled coffee off his pants, Emily kept going. She pointed at him and said "Oh hey Reid, bbq at my place this Sunday... bring the lady of your choice! She winked at him as she turned back around and continued walking.

Spencer stood in the hallway squinting at Emily's back, his mouth open. "What? What was she... 'lady of your choice'? What did she mean by..."

Just then Morgan walked past, pounding Reid on the shoulder and spilling more of his coffee. "Hey, pretty boy, that big brain make any smart decisions, lately?" Morgan headed for the briefing room, grinning.

JJ came up beside him and quickly rubbed his back as she said "Heyyy, Spence. Mind if I have a sip? I'm dying here..." She took his cup and drained what was left. She gave a quick squeeze of his hand and blew him a kiss as she hurried to join the others.

Before he could move, Aaron Hotchner came bristling down the hallway, file in hand. As he passed he said "Let's go now Reid, waiting on you."

Garcia trotted after Hotch a moment later, earrings and bracelets jangling, her arms laden with the rest of the files and tablets. She peered at Spencer over her hot pink horn-rims, and with her purple pen in her mouth, gestured with her head for him to get moving.

Spencer sighed and looked at his empty coffee mug. He squared his shoulders as he followed the team to the briefing room. So it was going to be one of those days... .

After the briefing Spencer went back to his desk to work the graphology. The UnSub was leaving odd notes written on different paper and with different inks and handwriting. Absorbed in his task, he didn't notice JJ walking over until the full coffee cup was sitting on his desk. He looked at it, then up at her.

"I love you," he whispered.

She leaned down and cupped her hand around his ear, planting a tiny kiss and whispering "I love you back." She squeezed his shoulder and headed for her office. Spence stopped her.

"Hey JJ?"

She turned around, eyebrows raised. "Hmm?"

"When should we tell them?"

She glanced around, then looked back at her man, and couldn't resist touching his face, just for a moment. "I think they know, baby. I think they've known since Florida.

"Rossi didn't go with us to Florida, remember? I don't think he knows. He called Jaye last night when he couldn't reach me," he said.

"He did? What did she say?" JJ's eyes locked with Spencer's.

"He said she just told him to talk to me. And that she didn't sound good. He asked me what was up." Spencer told her, keeping his voice low.

"Okay, well let's just - " she began, as Hotch came out to the catwalk and said "Agent Jareau, I need you."

JJ backed away from Reid's desk and whispered " - tell them Sunday at Emily's."

Spencer nodded as she turned to go to Hotch's office, returning to his own work deciphering the mind-workings of the psychopath du jour.

Chapter 18: Chapter 18

Equity

Spencer took personal time the following day and went to see Jaye at her veterinary office. He wanted to make sure she knew where to get hold of him if necessary, and to let her know he was behind any decision she would make regarding her... their baby.

He told the receptionist he was there, and took a seat on the waiting area bench. Almost immediately Jaye opened the door to the back offices. She stood there wiping her hands on a towel and just looked at him.

"This is unexpected," she said, holding the door open. She raised her eyebrows. "Come on," she said, impatiently.

He followed her back to her office, and waited while she closed the door. He looked at her analytically and saw her tired face with no makeup, her eyes red-rimmed under her glasses, her messy braid, and her wrinkled scrubs and rightly guessed she wasn't having a very easy time of things. He cleared his throat, more nervous than he thought he'd be.

She stood looking up at him, her arms crossed. "What is it, Spencer? I'm busy."

He met her eyes. "Yes of course, I won't stay long, just wanted you to know a few things."

She raised her eyebrows again and said nothing, waiting for him to talk.

He cleared his throat again and said. "I need you to know that I'm going to be there in whatever capacity you need for the baby. I'll stay in touch, and if there's ever anything you guys need, I want you to come to me."

Jaye looked at the floor, arms still folded. She looked back up at him and tilted her head. "Anything else?"

"I'll be setting up an account... for that reason. For anything you all need and once the baby's born there should be... a good amount in there. You don't have to worry about, you know... anything... financial." God this was awkward.

She blinked at him. "I have money, Dr. Reid. This baby will be well taken care of whether you contribute or not. What else?"

He nodded. Now the hard part. "Jennifer and I have discussed living together and that's probably going to happen soon. Her house is closer to work, and it's less disruption for Henry... so I'll be giving up my apartment."

"Spare me the details, 'Spence', she said sarcastically, using JJ's name for him deliberately. "I guess that means my key won't work any more."

He took a deep breath. "Okay, Jaye. I'll email you the address in case you need it. I hope... I hope you'll check in with me often. I really do care about how you're doing..."

She chuckled bitterly at that. "God you're so conceited. You come in here waving money and your new address and think I'm supposed to – what, exactly?" Be thrilled? Do a little happy dance? THANK you? You're breaking my heart, you asshole, now get the fuck out of my office!"

She shoved him towards the door and walked behind her desk, sitting and putting her head in her hands.

Spencer turned to look at her. "No, Jaye. I came here because I want you to know that we can still be parents together, still stay in touch and be in each other's lives when necessary for the child. That even though you and I won't be together, we can still do what's best for the child. You're right, I am an asshole. But I'd be an even bigger one if I lived a lie. You'd end up resenting me and being miserable. We'd both end up like that and that isn't a healthy environment for anyone to grow up in. I came here because I want you to know that I'm not abandoning my responsibility to the baby. I know what it's like to be abandoned by a parent and that will neverhappen to this child. He's going to grow up surrounded by love and have many homes and places where he's welcome, and different people in his life to shower him with it, and everything he needs or wants in this world."

"Oh, spare me. That paints a really pretty picture, doesn't it?" She stood up, fingers splayed on her desktop. "If that's what lets you sleep at night you go right on thinking all of that. The reality is, this child's mother is in love with his father and he's throwing her away like trash! Have you even told your team yet? Because Rossi didn't know, he called me looking for you last night! How do you think that made me feel, Spencer? HOW?"

"We're telling them this Sunday... Emily's having a – whatever... You aren't trash, Jaye, god! I've never thought that and I never will. He moved to stand in front of her desk. I have all the respect in the world for you and Iwish, I wish it could've worked out but... it wasn't in the cards for us. It just isn't and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"You don't wish anything of the kind. You got exactly what you wanted, everything you've ever wanted in that blonde bitch and I was just a stopgap measure along the way. Somebody to baby you and feed you and fuck you while you were waiting for her to come around. Good thing Will died or you'd still be waiting, and I'd still be a clueless idiot."

Spencer didn't know what to say. Her words were blindingly cruel and so wrong. He stood there waiting to hear something, anything from her that would tell him she might understand... could possibly understand.

She sank back down in her chair, her head in her hands again and was silent. After a time she looked up, dry-eyed, and said, emotionless, "Are you still here? Get out."

Spencer looked in her hooded eyes once more and nodded. "I'm sorry," he whispered as he left, closing the door behind him.

"How'd it go?" JJ asked, answering Spencer's call on the first ring.

"Brutal. Nothing less than I deserve," He told her.

"Spence, not true. You're doing everything exactly right. You're being honest, trying to keep the lines of communication open, being generous, respectful... you've got to know that anything you would do short of getting back with her isn't going to be enough for her right now. She still wants you, baby. That's pretty much all she wants."

"And that's the only thing that can't happen. Won't happen." he said

"I know. Where are you headed now?" she asked.

"I'm going back to the apartment and get some more of my things. Then I've got to make some calls...landlady, utilities... you know, boring stuff. I need to get a storage unit, too, for some of the bigger things."

"Okay, I'll call a moving company for you, too. Trust me, they make your life so much easier." she said.

"Thanks, that'd be great," he said, smiling at her through the phone.

"Spence?"

"Hmm?"

"I can't wait to have you all the time. I can't wait to wake up to you every morning... I love you, precious man."

He felt more than heard all the warmth in her voice and his heart swelled. "I love you back." he answered, softly.

Chapter 19: Chapter 19

Sunday

They woke up to no alarm, their first official day of living together, curled towards one another, breathing in time.

Spencer's first wakeable thought was... jasmine. Keeping his eyes closed, he inhaled the fragrance of her soft, clean hair and thought it was the most wonderful way to wake up he'd known. He slowly brushed his chin across the top of her head and reached to pull her to him even closer than they were.

JJ moaned softly, stretching her legs and flexing her toes, folding into his warmth, sliding her arm up his back as he pulled her to him. His body smelled sooo good of sleep and heat and she buried her nose in his lean chest, kissing his warm skin and breathing him in.

"Spence... my Spence..." she whispered. He groaned as she reached down between them, her hand encircling his morning arousal, and lifted her face to kiss his neck... "JJ... god, JJ..." was all he could manage as they loved each other awake, the perfect Sunday morning.

"So you think they'll announce it today?" Penelope said as she peeled potatoes in Emily's kitchen.

"What... who?" Emily answered. "Oh, you mean Reid and JJ? Probably."

"It's so cute how they think we don't know." Garcia smiled.

"I know... but they have their reasons, you know? I don't think JJ herself even realized how much she loved him until recently. You should've seen them in Florida, it was like they were glowing, even when they weren't near each other."

"Yeah. God they're just so adorbs together, Emily! I can't wait until they come out with it! What do you think Hotch will say?"

"Hotch will be all 'Congratulations. Let's get back to work.' " Em said in her best Hotch voice.

Penelope giggled, then sobered. "He has been a lot... sterner... lately, hasn't he?"

"Yeah he has," Emily answered. "I'm sure it's just this case. It's a weird one."

"I hope he's okay." said Pen, putting the potatoes on to boil.

"Me too. It's one of the reasons I wanted to have this cookout, so everyone could relax a little. Hey, speaking of relaxed..." Emily nodded towards the door as Spencer and JJ walked in, all smiles, carrying fruit and cheese plates, and a couple bottles of wine. She went to hug them both and checked out the bottles.

"Heyyyy, '97 Barolo?" She gasped. "My little cookout rates a '97 Barolo? I'd better get a decanter – great choice, Reid!" she winked at Spencer as she moved off to find a suitable vessel, and Spencer squinted and leaned in to Garcia, "Why's she always winking at me lately?"

Penelope said "So you two came together, huh?" Her eyebrows shooting up in feined innocence.

JJ shot a quick glance at Spencer and said, "Yeah, he was going my way...".

"I'll bet." Penelope said, under her breath. She smiled at JJ. "Here, come help me with the chips and dip!"

Spencer stole a loving glance at JJ and went off to find Rossi, sneaking a piece of gouda from the cheese tray on his way and earning a swat from Garcia in the process.

"Hey Rossi," Spencer said. Rossi saluted him with the glass of red he already had in-hand, and said "Hiya, kid! Finally arrived, I see. And with Agent Jareau in tow?"

Spencer looked over his shoulder towards the house and cleared his throat. "Hey, uh... remember the other day when you said your door is always open?"

Rossi nodded, looking at the young man in front of him. Dave noticed that there was something... calmer about him. He was looser in his joints, more comfortable in his skin... yet... there was a tension there, too. "Sure. Something on your mind?" he asked.

"There is. Can we talk... maybe later? Y'know... after?" Spencer kept his voice low as he asked.

"I do have plans later..." he started.

"Oh, okay, of course, maybe... maybe some other -" Reid interrupted, feeling intrusive.

Dave sighed. "I was gonna say – 'but I have a few minutes after the cookout'. You want to talk then?" He placed a hand on Spencer's shoulder.

"That would be great. Thanks, Rossi." Spencer looked over at Hotch manning the grill. He walked over and pointed at the burgers. "Hey, that looks great!" he said, smiling at his boss.

Hotch looked at him for a second and smiled briefly, looking back down at the grill. "You know, Reid, you always have something positive to say." He glanced back up at the thin doctor. "I envy that."

Reid put his hands in his pockets and furrowed his brow at the unexpected compliment, smiling again in spite of himself. "Um... I see you got stuck with grill duty?" he said.

"Wouldn't trust the meat to anyone else," Hotch answered, smirking. "Could you grab me a cold one from that cooler, though?" Aaron tilted his head and Spencer bent down, grabbing two. He opened them and handed one over to Hotch. The two men clinked bottles and drank, nodding at one another. "Where's Jack?" Spencer asked.

"He's running around here somewhere, probably chasing Sergio," Hotch shook his head. "Boy loves that cat. Did Henry come with you two?"

"Not today, he has karate and then a water park birthday party with his closest buddy Jason. We're getting him at 6:30 at the Morrison's house. It's not too far from here... actu... ally..." Spencer trailed off.

Hotch looked at him full in the face and gave the first genuine smile Spencer had seen in a long while. "Relax, Reid. Everyone knows, and everyone's thrilled for the both of you. About time, don't you think?"

Spencer met his eyes and said "Yes, I do. I really do. Damn you profilers, though." He shook his head. "JJ knew. She knew you knew."

"Yeah, well you were pretty 'incandescent' in Florida. If there had been a blackout we could've used the both of you to light the room. Didn't take much profiling."

"That's what she said," he said, meeting Hotch's gaze.

"We've just been waiting for you to come clean." Hotch grabbed a plate and stacked the burgers. "For what it's worth... with everything you've been through this year? I'm proud of you, Reid. And you've been there for everyone. The team, JJ, your mother, everyone who counts on you."

Spencer looked down. "There's someone else who is counting on me now, too." He took a drink of his beer. "Jaye's pregnant."

Aaron looked at him, spatula hitting the grill.

"You still proud of me?" he said.

"SPENCER!" JJ called his name, an edge to her voice.

He looked up and saw Jaye standing next to her. He was confused for a second... "Wait, that isn't right... what is she...".

He started walking up to where they both stood and saw Jaye's eyes, raw and red. "God she's so pale..." he thought.

She stood apart from JJ, a big duffel bag in her hands. Spencer went to her. "Jaye... what..." He went to take the bag from her shaking arms.

"Your things," she said, looking at him. "Your things." She dropped the bag. "I needed them to be... gone, and you don't have an apartment any more. You said you'd be... at Emily's. So here."

He nodded, "Okay... okay then, hey can I - "... but something wasn't right. He reached out a hand and she backed up.

"No, no..." she held up a hand and moved away from him. She stumbled and JJ caught her before she hit the ground. Jaye looked at JJ and grabbed her shirt. "No..." she said.

And that's when JJ saw. She looked down and saw the blood staining Jaye's jeans. It was all around her thighs and it was getting darker by the second and she yelled "Call an ambulance!" as Spencer knelt down beside them both, his phone dialing 911 as fast as his fingers could move.

Chapter 20: Chapter 20

Truce

Jaye's eyes swam into focus and the first thing she saw was JJ, sitting in a chair by her bed reading a magazine.

"Great," she thought, but then remembered... the ambulance... all the blood... "What happened?" she asked the blonde woman, as she tried to sit up.

"Whoa, Jaye... don't try to sit - " JJ got up and put a hand on her arm.

"Did I... is it...?" Jaye asked, dread sitting like a lead weight on her chest.

Spencer came in holding two coffees and handed them off to JJ. "The baby's alright," he said, "now lie back." He looked down at her, concern in every line of his face.

JJ grabbed the bed control and slowly brought it up to a semi-sitting position. Spencer moved to ask Rossi who was waiting in the hall to go get the doctor. The rest of the team had stayed at Em's, Spencer assuring them he'd call with any news, and Garcia promising to pick up Henry if it got late.

"So the baby's okay? There was so much... the baby's okay?" Jaye asked, her voice small.

Spencer gave a little smile and said "Yes, she's okay. You have pre-eclampsia... the amniotic sac separated a little from the uterine wall and you almost lost her. She's a little fighter, though, just like her mom..."

"She?" Jaye said, smiling with relief, and the welcome news that she would have a daughter. She hadn't really cared if it was a boy or girl, but she was happy to hear either way.

JJ said "The doctors were able to stop it from going any further, and they think it will reattach but you will have to stay in bed for the rest of your time."

Jaye looked from JJ to Spencer and shook her head. "No, no, no, no that can't happen, I can't..."

"Yes you can, and you will," the doctor said, coming into the room "Everyone clear out, I need to check a few things." He shooed Spencer away from the bed and drew the curtain around, and the three BAU agents moved into the hallway.

Rossi took Spencer's arm. "So this is what you wanted to talk to me about." he said, more a statement than a question.

Spencer nodded, meeting his eyes.

JJ slid her arm around Spencer's waist and said "We were going to tell everyone everything today at the cookout, but I guess it's all out of the bag now." Spencer leaned to kiss the top of her head, putting his arm around her.

Rossi looked at them. "So you two together and Jaye's pregnant. How did I miss all of this?"

"It all pretty much came to a head in Florida," Spencer said, "and you and Garcia didn't make that trip with us. Plus you haven't seen us much since then, just a little at work."

"I knew something was fishy, but just couldn't put my finger on it. So this is why you were acting so weird at work. I can't believe nobody told me... especially Garcia – that one can't keep a secret to save her life." Rossi said.

JJ smiled at him. It was all pretty much speculation on everyone's part -"

" - even though Hotch said everyone knew - " Spencer interjected.

" - and that's why we were gonna confirm everything today, but..." JJ nodded towards Jaye's room.

"... and I should get back in there," Spencer finished. He squeezed her hand as he went back into the room.

Rossi spread his hands, "And everyone's all okay with this?"

JJ shook her head. "Oh, no... no. It's been really tough on both Jaye and Spence." Her gaze softened as she looked through the glass at him.

"And you?" Rossi asked. This can't be a cakewalk for you either, is it?"

JJ looked at her shoes for a second, her arms folded. She looked back up at Rossi with tears in her eyes. "Doesn't matter..." she said, "I love him. Whatever he needs, you know?"

Dave put an arm around her, and JJ quickly wiped her eyes, laying her head on his shoulder. "Yeah kid, I know," he said.

Just then Morgan came walking up, arms wide. "The hell, man? I leave town for one day to check on a property and all hell breaks loose! Where's my boy? You okay JJ? What. The Hell. Happened?"

"Lotta 'hells' in that question," Rossi joked. C'mon, I'll fill you in. They moved to go sit in the waiting area, as JJ motioned she was going back into Jaye's room.

JJ came and stood next to Spencer as he stood with his hands in his pockets, quietly talking to Jaye.

"So I'll stop by tomorrow after work and check on you, and call me if the slightest thing goes wrong... or if you need anything, alright?" Spencer said. Jaye just nodded, looking away from the couple, towards the wall.

"The doctor gave her a mild sedative so she should sleep pretty well tonight, and they're going to keep her under observation for a few days," He told JJ.

"I'll see you tomorrow," he said to Jaye. He and JJ started to leave and Jaye said "JJ, wait..." still looking at the wall.

She and Spencer shrugged at each other and he left the room.

"I went there to ruin your day." Jaye said, turning her head to look at JJ. "Spencer told me that you two were going to tell the team your news at Emily's cookout, and I couldn't stand the thought of everyone being so happy and congratulating you. So I went there with his stuff."

"It's all - " JJ started.

"No, let me finish." Jaye said, quietly. "It wouldn't have killed me to have held onto his things for a few days. I could've dropped it off at the BAU or even given it to Rossi... but I deliberately wanted to ruin things for you, to make a day that should've been memorable, into a nightmare. But what did you do? You were the first person to talk to me when everyone else was just staring. You weren't mean or rude... you've never been mean or rude through any of this. And when I fell... you caught me." Jaye's eyes filled with tears. "Anyway... I'm sorry." she said, and looked back at the wall.

JJ felt her eyes prickling with tears too, and she reached out and touched Jaye's foot through the covers. "It's okay. You want to know something? I envy you."

Jaye looked back at her and the women's eyes met.

"You have something of his that I don't. I can't ever... I won't ever be able to say I have his first-born. That's something you'll always have, and it's very special, Jaye. I know Spencer thinks so too."

Jaye pressed her lips together and just let the tears come. JJ did too and continued, "And I'll tell you something else. You're in a very exclusive club now, you know? You love him... we all do, and we're all going to make sure that you follow doctor's orders and have a healthy baby girl. You're part of us now, Jaye. Part of the team." JJ wiped her eyes and squeezed Jaye's foot as she started to leave.

"I still hate you, you know." Jaye said, without the slightest trace of malice.

"I know." JJ whispered. "Try and get some rest."

Chapter 21: Chapter 21

Emotions

The next morning Spencer stood at the stove still in his pjs making eggs for their breakfast.

JJ looked at him as she dropped the bread into the toaster. He had those schoolboy glasses on of his grandfather's that she found so incredibly adorable, his hair still messed from her... attentions, earlier. His soft cotton tshirt and flannel pj bottoms hung loose on his slender frame and she just couldn't not touch him. She went up behind him and wrapped her arms around his lightly muscled body, and he grazed his fingers lightly along her forearms, turning his face around for a kiss. She felt his lips smile, like they did every time he kissed her like this.

"Don't make me burn my eggs, Agent Jareau," he warned.

"You gonna arrest me, Doctor Reid?" she came back at him.

"Don't think I won't," he replied. The toast popped up and JJ went to get Henry's juice. Living with Spencer Reid pretty much meant 24-hour coffee, so that had been taken care of already. JJ sat down and nearly purred at the deliciousness of the contents of her mug.

"You know, if you ever quit the BAU you'd make a helluva living as a barista," JJ teased.

"Oh, you think I haven't thought about it?" Spencer looked at her with eyebrows raised, always an indication that he was serious. He brought the egg and toast-laden plates to the table. While JJ still always made the toast, Spencer was now the one who buttered, jellied, and plated it just like she liked it. Their own way. And there was still always peanut butter for Henry who came charging into the kitchen just then, blonde hair flying, and immediately attached himself to Spencer's leg.

"Oh no, oh no! Help me Agent Jareau!" He pleaded. "There's a big space slug attached to me! HELP!"

Henry dissolved in giggles as Spencer reached down and tickled him quickly, then scooped him up in a big hug. Spencer made a 'very serious' face with furrowed brow and pursed lips and Henry made one back and Spencer plopped him down in the booster chair, saying "Ok dude. Time for sustenance."

"Sustenance!" Henry repeated, banging his spoon on the table.

JJ looked up at Spencer, smiling. "You're turning him into a cartoon."

"A superhero, JJ. There's a huge difference." Spencer rolled his eyes in mock disgust. He tossed the little boy's toast onto the table, making a frisbee out of his plate and landing it perfectly in front of Henry, who clapped in appreciation, then immediately stuffed a piece into his mouth.

Spencer leaned over and used Henry's spoon to cut up his banana, looking at JJ with a 'tsk tsk' face. All she could do was smile and shake her head.

"He gets me," Spencer said in his own defense. "It's a guy thing."

"Whatever, 'guys'... I'm for the shower," she said, pushing up from the table and heading for the bathroom.

Spencer got up and grabbed her hand. "Hey..." he pulled her to him and planted quick kisses on her lips, her temple... then touched his forehead to hers. He looked in her eyes and said "Jaye told me what you said. Last night when she called to check in, she told me you said she was one of us now, on the team."

JJ fiddled with his fingers and looked up at him. "Yeah, so?"

"That was... very cool. Very cool and very kind of you. Very. Cool."

"You're lucky I love you so much. I can't help but love who's inside of her too. And she is, Spencer. She's family now. I can no more wish her ill than I would my own sister. I understand her. A part of me is her. Yeah, another part of me wishes you had never met her... but you were just living your life and you had every right, baby... every right." JJ lifted her hand to stroke his scruffy face.

"I mean, what did I think... that you'd be celibate forever waiting on MY stupid ass? Your daughter will be part of THIS family. And so will Jaye, if she wants. You" – and she poked him in the chest – "need to make sure she knows it. She doesn't have anyone else, Spence, and I'm pretty sure she doesn't want to hear it from me."

She turned and walked down the hallway and he watched her go... "and NO, you do not ever get to kiss her. Ever. That's just me. Only me. Don't get confused." She shook her finger as she disappeared into the bathroom.

"Beautiful goddess," he thought, "don't you know I don't ever want to kiss another woman in my entire life?"

Jaye lay in her hospital bed thinking over the events of the past day and trying to figure out what to do next. She knew she had to listen to the doc's orders if she wanted to protect her baby. So she would. But the semantics of figuring out how to do this were a little daunting. She knew her practice would survive, if maybe not thrive with her enforced sabbatical, and her staff were more than capable of keeping the doors open. But how was she going to manage herself?

It was a kindness of JJ to say that she was part of the team now, but she still felt like an outsider and they were all busy professionals, anyway. That job took all their time, she knew, and that group wouldn't have any time to be thinking about about her. She guessed she'd better look into getting a nurse, for the duration.

And Spencer. God, Spencer. She missed him terribly and her heart ached at the loss of him. Fresh tears sprang to her eyes as she thought of the way he would hobble around on his crutches, or the way he only half-closed his eyes when he kissed her... ahhh god! "Stop being so hormonal!" she chided herself. "He doesn't want you any more." He was never completely hers anyway, she told herself. The best time in their entire relationship was when nobody knew about her. She rolled onto her side, drawing up her legs and remembering their discovery of each other. How well-suited they were, how she had immediately loved all of his little quirks and awkwardness. The way his voice would always go up at the end of his sentences...

"Jaye?"

She jumped as his familiar voice suddenly came to her, and for a second she didn't realize he was standing at the foot of her bed, a little cactus plant in one hand. She quickly wiped her eyes and sat up. God why did he have to look so gorgeous in that sweater vest, his long hair just brushing the top of his shoulders... and she always loved how he wore that gun...

"You startled me, Spencer. It's not nice to sneak up on the pregnant lady in the hospital bed," she chided.

"Sorry, sorry... we just wanted to come by before work and check on you."

"You shouldn't trouble yourself. Where is the little woman, anyway?" she asked, nonchalant.

"Down in the car. And it's no trouble. How are you?"

She shrugged. "Hungry."

Spencer broke out a little half-smile. "That's a good sign."

"Whatever."

Spencer set the cactus down on the side table by the bed and Jaye said "Saguaro."

"Yep," he said. "Did you know that Saguaro's never stop growing? And that some can live for as long as 150 years? The largest one is in Arizona and is nearly fifty feet tall and - "

God he was so amazing and adorable and she had to cut him off. Reaching for her glasses, she said "A cactus. Apropos of our 'prickly' situation, right?"

Spencer looked at her. "Umm... no. I just liked it."

She looked at him over the tops of her glasses and said. "Thanks."

Spencer cleared his throat. "I uh, I did a lot of reading last night on your condition and it is really important that you stay stress-free and off your feet, and that the larger the fetus gets the higher the risk is for further detachment."

"I know, the doc told me the same thing. And "the fetus"? You can call her a baby, you know. She is yours."

"I know that she is, Jaye. And I want you to know that JJ and I are going to do everything we can to make sure your needs are met and that everything is taken care of... like now. Is there anything we can do for you?" he asked, his brow knitting in concern.

Jaye bit the inside of her cheek. A smartass retort regarding her 'needs' was just on the tip of her tongue but she held it back. "I've got it all under control, thanks." was all she said. She hated how the 'we' Spencer referred to was him and Jennifer. Not her. Not any more.

"Okay... oh yeah! I brought you this, too." Spencer pulled out a bag of Sour Patch Kids from his pocket and handed them to her. "I know how much you like them." he smiled.

Jaye just about lost it. This little bag of candy was one of their shared passions. A small gesture, but it touched her deeply and instantly and she nearly burst out bawling right there.

"I'm tired, Spencer." She said, lying down and turning her back to him. "Thanks for coming."

"Oh sure... sure. I'll just go then. I'll call you tonight, or you call me -"

"- if I need anything." How about that I need your arms around me right now? How about that? She thought.

"I know. I will." was all she said.

Spencer left and she clutched the bag of Sour Patch Kids to her chest, drawing her legs up and letting the sobs come. His visit had just made it worse for her. How was she supposed to get on with things and stop loving him when he was being so incredibly wonderful? That was just him, though. That was the only way he knew how to be. God she wanted him so badly. She gave in to her grief at the loss of him and her overwhelming sadness and lay there crying, her pillow becoming damp with tears.

Chapter 22: Chapter 22

Best Laid Plans

"What would you think about moving her in here with us... just until the baby's born?" JJ asked Spencer, as he came out from reading Henry a bedtime story.

"You're serious." he said.

"I think we should talk about it," she responded.

"You're amazing." He sat down on the couch and put his arm around her, as she put her head on his shoulder, her hand on his chest.

"Not really, but think about it. We could keep an eye on her, make sure she didn't need or want for anything. And most importantly, we could make sure she stayed in bed."

Spencer kissed the top of her head. "JJ that's incredibly generous of you, but just think how it would make her feel to see you and me together, obviously in love, every day. I'd think that would be horribly stressful and hurtful for her."

She nodded, rubbing her cheek against his shoulder. "I know, but we could tone it down for her sake... it's only for a few months..."

"Six. Six months, actually 176 days until her projected due date. Which I don't happen to agree with, by the way. By my calculations it's more like 173 days and I think I'm being liberal with the -" he stopped. "...Not important right now, is it?"

She smiled and kissed his cheek. "No, precious man. It isn't." She squeezed him closer to her.

"Plus, think of how busy we are," he said. "We wouldn't be there for her much more than we are now. And what if we get a case out of town? I really think she'd be more comfortable in her own space... and I've already been looking into home care for her. She needs a nurse 24/7."

"Leave it to you to think it through, logically." JJ said. "You're right... it was just a thought."

"A sweet thought. I repeat, you're amazing." He said. "Hey you want to help me interview nurses?"

"Ugh, I'll leave that one to you and Jaye", she said, standing up and stretching. Bed?"

"Race you!" Spencer shoved her back down on the couch and sprinted for their bedroom.

"Cheater!" JJ yelled as she found her footing and ran down the hallway after him.

Spencer sat at his desk wrapping up his call to Jaye. She was scheduled to be released that night and Spencer was to pick her up and take her home, meeting the nurse at Jaye's apartment.

"You fed my cats, right?" Jaye asked.

"JJ did yesterday, I did today," he answered. So I'll see you at the hospital at 6. Bye."

"Bye," Jaye said.

Rossi walked up to his desk. "How you holdin' up, Reid?" he asked.

Spencer raised his eyebrows. "Good, good I guess. Between this UnSub and everything... uh, else, its been a busy week."

Rossi looked him in the eye and said "You let me know if things start to pile up, okay?"

Spencer looked back at him and nodded quickly.

"I mean it, kid. There's only so much one man can do on any given day."

"Or one woman," he said as he watched JJ on the catwalk headed for Hotch's office, file in hand. "Thanks, Rossi... I appreciate that, really. And now, I need some caffeine, then I'd better go." he said as he got up and wended his way to the break room.

Just then Penelope came in with a gigantic cellophaned fruit basket and nearly ran into Spencer. "Hey Garcia, whoa... what ya got there?" he said, reaching out an arm to steady her.

"This is for Jaye. She's going home tonight, right? Nobody should come home to no fruit. I was going to make her cookies but pregnant ladies shouldn't have too many sweets and gestational diabetes is a very real problem and very dangery and... do you think she'll like it?"

Spencer chuckled a little and said "Sure! Wow that's really nice of you and it's so...large."

"Will it fit in your car?" She said, in all seriousness.

"I may have to borrow one of the SUVs, but I'll make sure she gets it," He smiled at her through the purple plastic, setting it down on the table.

"Okay. Well if you n -"

" -need anything?" Spencer finished for her.

She nodded.

"Everyone's been saying that. No really, everyone's being so nice but we've got it all taken care of. The plan is a go." he said, straightening and putting his hands in his pockets.

Morgan walked in and said "Hey baby girl, another one for me? I told you I haven't finished the last one yet!" Penelope grinned and leaned into the kiss Derek planted on her blonde (this week) head.

"Unless you're pregnant with our boy wonder's baby, this one's not for you, my love. Besides, I'm the only surprise you ever get wrapped in cellophane." She tickled under his chin with her orange feather-pen and walked out, leaving the two men staring after her.

"Thanks, Garcia!" Spencer called after her.

Derek's smile was huge. "That woman will be the death of me," he said. "Oh but Reid – I was actually looking for you."

"What's up?"

"It's what's not up. The geographic profile isn't lining up with the methodology any more. The UnSub's gone off-road with this latest kill and we need to rethink a couple things. Hotch wanted me to ask you if you can you stay late tonight?" Morgan asked.

"Er, I actually can't... I'm picking Jaye up at the hospital and meeting her nurse tonight... she... doesn't have anyone else and I should really -"

Morgan held up his hands. "Hey it's okay, we got it. Don't worry about it, man."

Spencer chewed the inside of his cheek. He hated to let the team down. "I can probably come back, though. How late are you guys gonna be here?"

"No time yet. Just give us a call when you can," Morgan said, heading back out to the bullpen.

"Will do." Spencer reached to pick up Garcia's gift as JJ poked her head in.

"Hey Spence, I'm off to get Henry. See you at home?"

"Eventually," he said, struggling with the big basket. "I have to come back here after I get her settled. Looks like it might be a long night, the UnSub's not cooperating."

JJ came in and touched his arm. "Okay then. I'll be waiting up for you. Call before you leave, alright?" she quickly kissed his cheek. "I love you."

"Love you back," he said.

He shifted the fruit and left the break room, negotiating his way down to the lobby and out of the building. He got it loaded into the car and got in, cranking the engine and clicking his seatbelt. Beethoven blasted from the satellite radio and Spencer cranked down the windows. A little fresh air never hurt anybody, he thought.

He was almost to the hospital when he heard a loud thump thump thump and the car began pulling to the right. Spencer pulled over to the side of the road, He dropped his head back against the headrest and groaned. A flat. He got out and went around to the passenger side. Sure enough, a blowout. He stood looking at it for a second, hands in pockets and yelled "Well this officially sucks!" He grumbled and went around to get the jack and the tire iron out of the trunk.

Looks like he was going to be late.

Chapter 23: Chapter 23

Truan

Spencer hurried into Jaye's room only to find the bed stripped and her things gone.

"Jaye Turner, where is she?" he asked the attendant.

"She was released, you're late. We called her a taxi."

Spencer swore under his breath and ran out, taking the stairs down. He must've just missed her. He hit the lobby and ran outside, head swiveling back and forth trying to see her or a cab or...

The car in front of him pulled away and he saw Jaye in a wheelchair on the other side of the walk. He crossed over and stood in front of her, out of breath.

"You're late." she said, looking up at him.

"So they tell me," he panted, leaning over and putting his hands on his knees.

Jaye looked at his grimy shirt, his sweaty face smeared with dirt and all of her planned, indignant curses and insults fled.

"What happened to you?" she said instead.

"Flat," was all he said by way of explanation. Breathing easier now he said "Let's get you home."

Jaye wished he meant home with him but she also knew that wasn't going to happen. Spencer pulled his car around and got out, opening her door and helping her out of the wheelchair. Jaye spied the big purple package and said "You got me fruit?" as he drove away from the hospital.

"Courtesy of Garcia. She didn't want you to be... fruitless."

"Story of my life," she replied, then added "Tell her thank you."

"Spencer ignored her first remark, and said "I will. How are you feeling?"

"What do you care?" was the first thing out of her mouth, before she could stop it.

Spencer looked at her. He really was in no mood for this. He pressed his lips together and pulled the car into the first parking lot he saw and shut off the engine.

"What are you doing-" Jaye began.

Spencer turned to look at her full-on.

"Look, Jaye. This is nobody's idea of a perfect situation, but everyone is bending over backwards to make the best of it. I DO care about you, and because of that I will continue to try to do the right thing by you for the rest of our lives if that's what you need... but I can't keep dodging your bullets. I am on your side... and I need you on mine."

Her eyes filled with tears. "On my side...we wouldn't even be having this conversation if I weren't pregnant and you know it!" she shouted. "We probably wouldn't even still be in touch! I'm nothing more than a big, fat, incubator! Nobody even talks to me like I'm a person any more, a woman. Everything is about the baby, every waking minute! It might sound selfish but I don't care! I've lost everything this last month – my mobility, my work, my routine... and you, Spencer... I've lost you too..."

She started crying and he didn't know what to do. He went to embrace her awkwardly, patting her shoulder as she gripped his dirty shirt and sobbed "God I miss you so much!" into his chest.

Spencer felt tears prickling behind his eyes too, but he remained very still, just letting her cry. "Shhh", he said, trying to offer some comfort, all the while feeling horrible that he was putting her through this, that he was the cause of her pain.

After a time her sobbing subsided, and she wiped her nose on his shirt. He held her gently away from him, looking into her red-rimmed eyes and said "This is going to be okay, Jaye... you hear me? You and me and JJ and the team are all going to do this together. You aren't alone. Even if you wanted to be, we wouldn't let you. Can I tell you something?"

"What?" she said, her nose stuffy.

"JJ wanted you to move in with us. THAT'S how on-board people are, how much we care."

Jaye was shocked, but she covered by saying "Yeah, like that would ever work."

Spencer nodded. "I know, and we ultimately decided against it, but we thought about it as a real alternative. That's how real this whole thing is to us... to me. I'm not going anywhere."

She looked at him and for the first time since they broke up, she wanted to believe him. She felt better. Just a little, but it was something.

"Now lets go meet that nurse," Spencer said, turning to start the car.

Jaye looked at his destroyed clothing and half-smiled. "That shirt's a goner..." she said.

Spencer looked down, then gave her a crooked smile.

The giant mountain of purple-wrapped fruit in the back seat caught her eye and she said "... and that basket's insane."

They both burst out laughing, just a little, as he drove on. Just a little.

They pulled into Jaye's driveway and there stood the... nurse?

He stood at least as tall as Spencer but was twice as broad. Sleek black hair pulled back in a club at the base of his neck and serious, wide blue eyes. Muscular and trim, he looked like he stepped off the deck of a pirate ship.

"Wait here," Spencer said as he got out and approached the man. Kicking into full profiler-mode Spencer extended his hand as he scrutinized this guy. "Spencer Reid, he said, shaking hands.

"Dr. Reid, hi. The agency told me all about you. I assume that's Miss Turner in the car?"

He cleared his throat and resisted the urge to rub his hand – that was some grip – reaffirming to Spencer another reason he didn't like hand-shaking. He noticed a vaguely latin? accent... Spanish?

"She prefers 'Ms.', uh, and yes, yes that's your patient. Excuse me, I don't mean to be rude but we were expecting a woman... a nurse Applebee?

"Doctor, I'm terribly sorry, you should've been notified. Nurse Applebee had a personal family emergency that requires her absence for a few weeks. I'm her second... her replacement. She'll be resuming her duties with Ms. Turner upon her return. I'm just filling in."

Spencer absently felt for his phone in his front pocket and suddenly remembered he left it at work. "I see..." he said, unsure. "Are you-"

"Excuse me doctor, I need to see to my charge." He nodded at Spencer, handing him a file that contained all of his credentials and confirmed his appointment. He went to open Jaye's door, thrusting his big hand at her. "Hi, I'm Truan, your nurse. You must be Ms. Turner."

Jaye took his hand and shook it, looking at Spencer with her eyebrows raised. He shrugged in return, his eyebrows inching upward, as well.

"So if you'll do me a favor and just put your arm around my neck like so..." He reached in and lifted her out of the car as if she weighed no more than a kitten, saying "Wow, you're just a tiny person, aren't you?", he flashed her a reassuring grin. She liked how his teeth crossed over ever so slightly in front. "Doctor, would you be so kind as to grab her bag please?" he asked, as he carried her to her door.

Jaye liked him already.

Chapter 24: Chapter 24

Acceptance

As the weeks went by, a new rhythm developed at Jaye's house. Truan had, by necessity, moved in from day one, and it seemed to be proceeding smoothly, initial awkwardness notwithstanding. She had let Truan's agency know that he was doing well, so there was no reason to switch to nurse Applebee, and he had accepted the permanent position.

He was an adroit nurse, usually anticipating a need before it arose, and taking diligent care of Jaye. He played a mean game of chess, and that helped alleviate a lot of her boredom, and he was given to reading poetry, which he'd sometimes share with Jaye if she asked. Above all, he remained professional at all times. Except with Garcia.

Truan quickly got used to the heavy foot-traffic of the Behavior Analysis Unit, expecting at least one of them to show up at some point during the day, but an unexpected highlight for him was the immediate and easy banter that developed between him and Penelope. He realized his looks and elegant Spanish accent were appreciated by most women, so he cranked it up for comedic effect whenever Penelope came by and they always cracked each other up. He liked her and she him and they quickly formed a friendship. One that Derek wasn't sure he was too fond of. Kevin just saw it as another Adonis drooling over his girlfriend, so it didn't bother him at all, he was used to it.

It was during one of their usual Buffy marathon nights, Penelope knitting a hat for the baby, both women propped up on Jaye's bed that Penelope asked her; "Do you think my boyfriend looks like Xander?"

Jaye didn't miss a beat. Reaching for the air-popped popcorn, and not taking her eyes off the screen she answered "Yep."

"Really?" Garcia looked at her. "See, everyone says that, but I just don't get it..."

"Oh yeah. And Hotch looks like Greg from 'Dharma and'." she said, nodding wisely.

"Penelope laughed at that. "Yeah, right." She stopped just short of putting a kernel in her mouth and said... "Wait a minute... he SO does!"

"Shh, Buffy's gonna kill Angel now..." Jaye said.

"Do you think JJ looks like Buffy?" Garcia couldn't resist asking.

Jaye gave a small snort and said, "Penelope, JJ IS Buffy..." and both women thought that was entirely too funny.

Truan walked in to take Jaye's temperature and said "Hello Penelope, mi flor que. How are you this warm evening?"

"Take my temperature and find out, mi delicioso espanol." she returned.

"You've been practicing." He said, smiling. He looked down at his watch as he took Jaye's pulse.

"Google Translate." she teased.

"You are breaking my heart." he shot back.

"Must you two flirt at every opportunity? I'm gagging here." Jaye said, lifting her arms as Truan wound his measuring tape behind her back and over her belly. She paused the tv and glared at Truan.

"You would have to come in here right when she's about to save the world from Acathla. I swear you do this on purpose." she groused.

"Ms. Turner, you know I have to check you out. Make sure your vitals are good, stable. And keep that monitor on, please. I need to record your daughter's heart rate." Truan insisted.

Jaye glared at him but clicked it into place again. Jaye leaned back and pushed her hands up into her hairline. She looked at Penelope, who just smiled.

"How are you always so positive?" she asked.

Garcia looked back at her over her knitting needles and said "You got something better?"

Jaye just shrugged.

"Ladies, if you'll excuse me," Truan started to walk out as both women watched him.

"What are you up to tonight?" Garcia asked him.

"Online chess with Dr. Reid, if you must know," he answered.

"He's going to kick your ass," Jaye said.

Truan flashed his easy grin and said "Maybe. But one of these days I'll get him."

Garcia clicked her knitting needles and said, "Right. I'd buy a ticket to see that."

Truan waved a hand as he left the room and said "Please call me if you need something, Ms. Turner."

Jaye nodded and said "Thanks," picking up the remote again.

Penelope watched him go and said. "Girl, what's it like having THAT gorgeous guy at your beckon call every day? Must be rough..."

Jaye shrugged and said "He is impressive, right? And I'll admit he kind of blew me away at first. It was... nice being attended by him, too... softened the blows a little? Especially seeing Spencer's reaction – that was priceless." She looked at Garcia.

"But really, he is an excellent nurse... and I guess I'm starting to think of him as a friend, too. Don't get me wrong, he's fucking hot and I realize that, but just way too much twisted steel and sex appeal for me. I like 'em smart and skinny." She stopped talking and looked down at her hands in her lap.

"How are you and Reid doing?" Penelope asked, sympathy in her voice.

"Fine. He's been... great, I guess. I just..." she grabbed the remote again and hit play.

"You can talk about him, you know. I mean, if you need to." Garcia said.

"No, it's past time for that... but thanks." She shook her head. "And it has gotten a little easier. I just know that I'll always miss him... even when he's in the same room, I miss him."

Penelope reached over and patted her leg.

Jaye visibly shook herself and said "Whatever! Let's finish watching 'JJ' kick some demon ass! Hand me that popcorn."

Garcia handed her the bowl, thinking that Jaye was a very brave woman. As much as she loved Spencer and JJ together, she did feel sorry for Jaye, too. She pondered for a moment what she might do given the same situation and couldn't really picture it. Everyone's favorite technical analyst sat back and focused on her favorite show, glad for the moment to be exactly where she was.

Chapter 25: Chapter 25

Comfort

Spencer woke himself up reaching for JJ, another nightmare cobwebbing away as he woke. He was shaking and breathing hard, his heart racing. His amazing mind slowly cleared from the horror he'd just seen, the black terror he'd just felt, and he gently pulled her to him, molding himself to her back and curling himself against her. JJ woke at his warmth and felt his heart beating against her back, heard his rapid breathing and she knew he'd had another bad one.

Without a word she reached around behind them both, pulling him closer against her. She turned around so she was facing him, bringing her other arm around him and holding him tightly. "Shhh..." she whispered, "I've got you... I'm right here, baby..." She reached up and felt his damp, sweaty forehead and pushed his hair back gently, kissing his throat, his jawline. Scooting up, she dusted his closed eyelids with small kisses and whispered "I love you, Spence..." as her lips found his. They kissed softly, warmly for a few minutes and soon her rapid breathing matched his, but for another reason entirely.

She knew he needed her now, and that intensified her arousal. She moved against him and he responded, pushing himself against her almost desperately, needing her touch, her caress, her warmth. JJ opened herself to the man she loved more than life itself, giving him the tenderest comfort she knew how to, and showing him exactly how safe he was. How wanted and needed and adored he was. Always.

When JJ could think again she reached up and started stroking his hair, lightly kissing the top of his head. He lifted his head from her breast and, moving slightly off of her, gazed at her with a look of such undeniable love that she felt tears spring to her eyes, her throat tightening with emotion.

"Nobody's ever..." he whispered, his thumb reached up to graze her lips, as if he couldn't help but touch her. He looked into her huge blue eyes, glossy with tears and felt his own start to push from behind his eyes. Her face was flushed and rosy and her hair was a golden, tangled mess and he knew he'd never seen a more beautiful woman in his lifetime.

"Come here..." she said, her voice almost a whisper. He moved to the side, leaning on his bent elbow, his eyes never leaving her face, his other arm resting on her stomach.

She took his face in her hands, looked deep in his eyes and said "Do you know how much a part of me you are... do you? Spence... if something hurts you, it hurts me. If you want to talk about what's causing them... I'm here. Sometimes just getting it out, talking about it can really help."

Spencer looked back at her, flustered and flattered and happy all at once. He didn't know what to say. "I don't... I guess I - I'm not..." he started, then said "Maybe soon. I don't know. Not... now." He looked down.

JJ pulled his face to hers and kissed him warmly, sensitively, without guile or artifice or intention. She kissed him with pure, sweet love, and Spencer felt it. He felt it seeping into his bones and warming his heart and he could feel the tears coming and he didn't care. He moved then to take her in his arms and there was no place on Earth more perfect than that spot at that moment. He held her, stroking her hair, and she wrapped her arms around him, losing herself in his embrace, and not wanting to ever, ever be anywhere else.

Truan lay awake in bed looking up at the ceiling, his large hands behind his head. He lay naked under the covers, always loving the feel of the soft, cool sheets against his smooth, olive skin. His thoughts turned to Jaye, as they had been wont to do lately, and he wondered what he would do once he wasn't needed here any more.

He'd grown very fond of the entire group over these past few months, and knowing full well it was an occupational hazard to become too attached to a patient, what did one do when it was an entire family? The BAU were wonderful people, and they had all welcomed him into their exclusive circle immediately and without condition. He would miss Penelope, with her lightning wit and flirtatious personality, and he'd really miss Dr. Reid and his warm logic, not to mention he'd gotten a lot better at chess since he started playing the young genius.

Jaye hadn't confided in him just what had happened between her and the father of her baby, and Truan hadn't asked. He was extremely curious, but it really wasn't any of his business. Whatever had transpired was obviously over with, and everyone seemed to be moving forward in anticipation of the new arrival without any residual anger.

His thoughts came back around to Jaye. He didn't want to think about leaving here, leaving her. Their casual teasing of one another and her grumpy demeanor, which he knew she put on to mask other, deeper feelings, were as much a part of his days now as eating and breathing and he would miss it. He would miss her.

He shook himself. "Knock it off, Truan. Real professional." he scolded.

He threw back the covers and got up. Thinking that hot tea might help him sleep, he slid into the silk robe he kept at the foot of his bed and went out to the kitchen.

Jaye sat at the kitchen table in the semi-darkness, a mug of tea already in her hands. She looked up as he approached, surprised. She quickly looked away so he wouldn't see the tears on her face, as she used the sleeve of her robe to briskly wipe them away.

But he'd seen. Truan stopped as he took in the sight of her. Sitting there wrapped in her huge robe she looked so tiny, big belly notwithstanding. He saw that she was crying and he felt a stab of sympathy in his chest.

He tried to cover as he cleared his throat and said "Ms. Turner, if you wanted tea you should've asked me. You're not supposed to be -" he began.

"- I'm fine," she interrupted. "And what are you doing still awake, anyway?" Jaye flushed, embarrassed that he had caught her.

He grabbed the box of tissues from the coffee table as he walked by and dropped it in front of her, seating himself opposite her at the table. His own tea forgotten, he looked at her.

"Ms Turner..." he said.

"I've told you to call me Jaye." she replied.

"Ms Turner... Jaye..." he started again. "Why are you sitting here in the dark, crying?"

"None of your business," she snapped, yanking two tissues out of the box.

"Pardon me, but it very much is my business. If I'm to see to your well-being for the duration I need to know anything that could be giving you stress, or affecting your moods, your blood pressure..."

"Look, between you and the team I never get any time to myself! I never have time to breathe without somebody hovering over me asking what I'm thinking or how I'm doing or can they get me something! I know everyone means well but sometimes a girl just wants to be alone and have a good cry – is there something WRONG with that?" she shouted.

She started crying again and Truan reached across the table, taking her hands in his.

"No Jaye, there's nothing wrong with that."

Something in his voice made her look up at him and she thought 'what the hell, I'll just tell him'.

"I'm still in love with Spencer!" she blurted out. "I miss him every single day, even when he's here and it's the hardest thing I've ever done to see him and pretend I'm okay with everything! To see him with JJ and know that she has him, that she gets to love him and I DON'T is the worst thing I've ever felt in my entire life! Here I am getting fatter with his baby every day and I can't even touch him, talk to him when I want to, kiss him... none of it!"

She was openly sobbing now and Truan couldn't take it. He moved to kneel in front of her and went to put his arms around her. Jaye lashed out at him, hitting his chest with her small fists over and over again until she sagged against the big man, worn out. Again he moved to put his arms around her and he just let her cry.

After a while when her sobs had quieted, he picked her up, fireman's style, and took her into her room. Saying nothing, he tucked her in, robe and all, and pulled the covers up around her chin. He arranged her body pillow just like she liked it between her knees, and stopped himself just short of stroking her hair.

She lifted red, swollen eyes to his sparkling blue and said "Thanks." almost resentfully. Then "Where are you going?" as he started to leave the room.

"I'll be right back." he answered. He went to his room, and picked up his guitar. He came back in and made himself comfortable in the corner chair in Jaye's room and looked at her watching him.

"Just listen, mi pequeño querido..." he said, as he slowly started strumming.

Jaye opened her mouth to object, but the soothing notes of the traditional Spanish guitar music began to wash over her and she felt herself relaxing for the first time that day. She watched Truan's deft, elegant fingers dancing over the strings and a kind of peace came over her. She closed her eyes, letting the mood of the day fall away on the lilting notes, and the corners of her mouth turned up ever so slightly as she listened to him play. She thought, as she slid into sleep, that there were far worse ways to end a day.

Chapter 26: Chapter 26

Decisions

Spencer let himself in to Jaye's and found Truan pouring juice for her breakfast. "Hey, hi Truan. How is she today?" he asked immediately.

Spencer noticed that the big Spaniard was more subdued than usual, his customary animated greeting absent.

"Good morning, Doctor Reid. She hasn't been sleeping well." he replied.

Spencer handed him the bag of Jaye's favorite cranberry orange muffins he'd brought and began to get concerned. "Any reason for it?" he asked.

Truan gestured with the juice glass for Spencer to sit at the kitchen table and he did, Truan joining him. He looked across the table at Spencer and said. "There no physical reason for it if that's what you're asking."

Spencer looked at him, confused. "I'm uh, I'm not sure what..." he began.

Truan looked at him full in the face. "It is very difficult to be her right now, Doctor. She is not only dealing with her physical limitations and the imminent arrival of the bambina, but she has many thoughts and feelings that most people aren't noticing. She's keeping everything very closed-off, very locked down, and it's starting to take a toll," he finished, his voice soft.

Spencer looked at the other man, hearing him, and becoming fully concerned. "I understand. What can I do?" he asked.

"You need to speak to her, Dr. Reid. You need to have a conversation where you just let her tell you, where she can open up... even if you might not want to hear what she needs to say."

"Jaye and I don't have any secrets, Truan. At least none that I know of." Spencer said.

"Exactly. None that you know of." He stood up and handed Reid the juice glass. "Why don't you take this to her today." he said.

Jaye was sitting up, flipping through the tv channels when she heard Spencer's unmistakable soft knock on her door. "Oh balls," she thought. She took a deep breath and exhaled. "Come in Spencer," she said.

"How'd you know it was me?" he said, smiling at her.

For once, Jaye was glad to be sitting. His smile made her knees turn to jelly. And he looked so adorable in his sweater vest, standing there with the little plate of muffins. She'd be damned if she would tell him that, though.

"You look like hell," she said instead, reaching for the juice.

He grinned at her, handing it over. "Thanks."

She helped herself to one of the muffins and said. "No, I mean your darkeye is really prominent today. Haven't you been sleeping?"

"I was going to ask you the same thing," he said.

"My blabbermouth nurse say something?" she asked.

Spencer said "Can I sit?" gesturing at the bed.

Jaye shrugged. "Do what you want."

Spencer sat on the edge of the bed and looked at her. "I'd really like to know how you're doing... I mean... if you want to tell me... or... anything." he finished lamely.

Jaye stopped chewing her bite of muffin and looked at him. He was fidgeting and nervous and... damn that Truan. Her eyebrows went up.

"So is this when I'm supposed to just spill my guts? Just open up my mouth and let all the words come tumbling out? Because you're sitting in front of me now, because I have your attention I'm just supposed to fork it over?" Her gaze turned sharp as she looked at him.

Spencer knew that look and he steeled himself. "Jaye, you don't have to do anything you don't want to do. I just -" he started.

"-Well that's not really true, is it Spencer?" she interrupted. " I have to sit here. I have to stay in this bed, I have to not work, I have to take medicine and be taken care of like I'm some sort of invalid. I have to put up with you and your team traipsing through here every day whether I want to or not... and the huge prize at the end? I have to become a mother! To your baby!" Her voice became shrill at the end.

"Yes. You do." Spencer said softly, looking into her eyes. "You're right. So tell me what I can do. What can I do, to help?"

"You're doing too much, Spencer! That's the point! You're ALWAYS here. Or JJ is, or Garcia, or Morgan. Everyone I see who isn't you reminds me of you! Do you have any idea how hard that is?"

"Okay, okay, I get that," Spencer said, annoyed. "But tell me, what's the alternative? Everybody just cares, Jaye, would you rather nobody did? I know that none of this is easy but what else would you have me do? Am I supposed to just leave you completely alone until our daughter is born? You know I can't do that... I'm trying... I'm trying to let you know, show you that you're not alone and that I'll do anything to help if you'll just tell me. Tell me what it is you need."

He looked at her with such a question on his beautiful face and she knew he was sincere. It didn't help.

"The truth is, Spencer, that I AM alone. When it comes down to it that is exactly what I am. And what I need... what I truly need? You can't give me."

He looked at her, his brow furrowed, struggling to understand.

"I need you." she said flatly. "I just need... you. Damnit Spencer. I still love you."

She lifted her eyes to his and he could see the truth in them, and the sadness.

Spencer sat looking at her for a long moment. He knew what he said next would be very important to the both of them. He had hoped that she had been able to let go of some of her feelings for him over the past months, but looking at her, he could tell that wasn't so. She needed a break. A clean break. Him being around all the time wasn't helping her get over him, it was just prolonging the pain of their break-up, and reminding her every day that they would never be together.

Spencer's first instinct was to move towards her, to reach out to her, offering some kind of comforting physical connection, but he realized that wouldn't help, would in fact make things worse. He stood up and put his hands in his pockets.

"I'm not going to insult you by reminding you of where I am in that regard. I wish you didn't feel that way, but I know there's nothing I can do about it, either. Whether you believe it or not, I do care about you. I just cannotbe there in the way you need me to be. I've tried to be accessible, and I will always be that to you. All I can do is what I know to be right." He took a breath before continuing... "So I won't be coming by most every day like I have been. I'll stay in touch with Truan so he'll always know where I am, and I'll tell the team to not come by any more. Although I don't think Garcia will listen, I know the rest of them will. I hope that helps, Jaye."

She shook her head. "At this point, I don't know that anything will. And I know you're right, a clean break is better... but... it's going to hurt like hell." Her face crumpled as she looked into her lap.

Spencer needed to get out of there or he was going to put his arms around her, despite his rationale. He felt so badly for her, and so sorry for his part in it. He wished he could take her pain onto himself, he'd give anything if he could take away her hurt.

"I'm going to go now," he said.

She nodded. "Goodbye, Spencer." she said as she turned her back to him, lying on her side, dying inside.

He looked at her small, rigid back and wished he could push all his regret through it straight into her heart. It wouldn't solve anything but it might make her feel just the tiniest bit better to know that he was hurting too.

"Bye," he said as he left the room, closing the door behind him, his heart heavy as lead.

Chapter 27: Chapter 27

Preparations

Time passed. Many more weeks went by and true to Reid's prediction, Garcia hadn't abided by his request to stop bothering Jaye. They still had their weekly Buffy nights, and since Jaye could no longer see her toes, Penelope also made their most recent visit a pedicure night, painting each of Jaye's toes blindingly bright neon colors. With glitter.

Jaye had to admit, it was a little easier not seeing Spencer every day, though she was glad that Garcia had continued to come over regularly. She busied herself, with Penelope's help, by slowly turning Truan's room into the nursery. She had a 'no pink' edict, which broke Pen's heart, but it was turning into an adorable room fit for any baby girl, and sometimes Jaye would just go in there and sit in the rocking chair, humming baby songs she remembered from her own childhood. Truan was hard-pressed to keep her abed, as she was becoming increasingly excited by her imminent delivery, and with only six weeks left to go, more than a little impatient.

Spencer was getting excited too, and that made JJ happy. She could see a bounce in his step, he was smiling more, and though his nightmares had continued - grisly and disturbing as they were - they had been more sporadic, no longer haunting him every night.

The couple were also readying a room for the baby in their own home, and JJ found it enormous fun to be decorating for a girl this time around. Seeing Spencer struggling to put together the cherrywood crib (with Henry's 'help') was priceless, and JJ took lots of pictures, much to Spencer's annoyance.

"You know I'm not exactly 'power tools guy'," he complained.

"Spence, you're an Engineer." JJ reminded him, laughing.

"Yeah, well, practical application was never my strong suit," he shot back. "I'm more the 'idea' man." He shook the electric screwdriver at her for emphasis.

She snatched it out of his hand and said "Well, how's this for an idea – lunch?"

Spencer scrambled up from the floor, happy to take a break and said "Awesome. I'm thinking crib assembly requires pizza – what do you think, Henry?"

"PIZZA!" Henry yelled, throwing his arms in the air and jumping into Spencer's waiting arms. The three of them left the room and JJ said "Okay, but none of that six-meat garbage you guys like. Last time I couldn't move for a week!"

"Looks like mommy gets her own pizza, right?" Spencer widened his eyes and nodded vigorously to Henry, who nodded just as vigorously back.

"Ugh, fine, whatever!" JJ shrugged and pretended to disapprove. She grabbed her purse and keys as Spencer's arm slid around her waist. She brushed Henry's hair out of his eyes as his godfather still held him, and tiptoed to kiss Spencer on the cheek.

"Boys." she said as they left the house.

Jaye sat propped up on the living room couch reading a baby names book on her Nook that Spencer had given her. She didn't know why, but "A" names really appealed to her lately... Aleia, Ariel, Adriana... they all sounded so glamorous. Spencer and her had never really gotten around to discussing names, but she figured he'd defer to her choice anyway.

Truan sat at the dining room table, working a sudoku with headphones on. Jaye regarded him for a moment. She watched appreciatively as he tapped his fingers to the music, the muscles in his arms moving under his thin scrubs. He really was a hot guy. And kind. And intelligent. He had taken such good care of her all these months. For the first time it occurred to her that he would be leaving soon. After the baby was born, she wouldn't need his help any more. The thought irritated her far more than she thought it should, and her stomach flipped at the thought of the loss of him. She was really going to miss him. "Gratitude, that's all it is," she thought to herself. "Gratitude and hormones." Still, she snuck another look over at him through lowered lashes, exhaling briefly, before going back to her book.

Truan looked at his watch, then got up and walked over to Jaye, bending over her and placing his stethoscope on her rounded belly under her robe. He'd done this a hundred times over the months, but she wondered why it felt... intimate, today. She flushed a little at his administrations, as he gently pressed her stomach to listen for movement. The baby responded with her customary kicks and punches, and Jaye looked up at Truan's face, smiling. He smiled back at her and said "Ah, the bambina is restless today... are you in any pain?" His smile falling just a little bit at the question.

"No." she answered him, pain the furthest thing from her mind. She watched his well-groomed, elegant fingers as they pressed into her abdomen. She liked the distanced look he got on his face when he was examining her, and the way he got a little crease between his brows when concentrating. His skin was so smooth, she noticed, not for the first time, and such a beautiful color. He looked as though he never needed to shave, but she knew he did, having seen his shaving kit in his bathroom. Bath. Hmm... suddenly she wondered what he'd look like in the tub with all the soap and the suds and... "GOD, STOP IT!" she caught herself and flushed nearly purple with embarrassment.

She covered by saying "Are you almost done, I have to pee," more gruffly than she intended. And he heard the irritation in her voice and stood back.

"Of course. Everything seems fine, I can finish checking you out later," he said, nodding.

"Checking me out", she thought. He used that phrase regularly, but today for some reason it took on a different meaning. She didn't kid herself that any of his ministrations were sexual in nature, he was always utterly and completely professional. But for the first time she couldn't help wondering... what if one time, he wasn't? What if one time, his hands were on her... in a new way?

She got up and made her way to the bathroom, maneuvering as best she could. "Yeah, don't kid yourself, girl. THAT hunky man would never take a second look at your pregnant ass." she told herself. Still, she couldn't deny that it was fun to think about. And considering he had been the only man to touch her for the better part of a year? Perfectly natural. Yep, perfectly...

Later that night as she lay in bed watching tv, Truan knocked on her door, chessboard in hand. He peeked in and asked "Feel like a game?"

Jaye was into the current episode of Game of Thrones, so she said "Where's Spencer?"

"Dr. Reid is on a case, working late. If you'd rather not I do under-"

She rolled her eyes and sighed, making it seem like a big chore. "- Fine," she cut him off. She clicked off the tv and patted the bed next to her. "Bring it on, big fella."

Truan grinned and hurried in. "I have to warn you, I've gotten a lot better since..." he drifted off.

"Yeah, yeah, since playing with the genius, I know. Good, now maybe we'll be evenly matched." she said sarcastically, casting him a tiny wink to take the sting out of her words.

He smiled again, taking her gruffness as warmth. "Oh, it's on," he said. Prepare to meet your doom, senorita." He helped her to a sitting position then set the chessboard on her ample belly.

She watched him set up the chess pieces with the enthusiasm of a little kid, and had to admit, she was glad she'd accepted. He was something else, this one. Something else, indeed.

Chapter 28: Chapter 28

Nightmares

Black. The inherent absence of light. Narrow hallway, hands on the hot walls burn myhands... slippery shadows moving... in front and behind, look out! Don't touch thedoor, where's my gun, donttouchthedoorit'sblack... got to getout... something's holdingmy legs, my back, scratching, clawingand black, black blood... it hurts. A breeze from behind. Not a breeze... breath... now hot... hotbreath and I can't see... smells like death and it's almost to me. Run... run... run...the lightburns my eyes...

The car slammed on it's brakes, squealing to a dead stop right in front of Spencer, horn blaring loud and long. Spencer stood shirtless in his flannel pajama bottoms, his arms crossed in front of his eyes. He was in the middle of the street and he didn't understand... and then she was there.

A terrified, barefoot JJ ran into the street and grabbed his arm, yanking him down and to the side, out of the path of the car and to the ground. She was in her nightclothes too and she kneeled in front of Spencer, the asphalt digging into her skin.

"Jesus fucking Christ lady, I swear he just ran out in front of me!" The driver of the car leapt out and ran over to the two of them, shouting and scared.

JJ frantically ran her hands over Spencer's body and saw he hadn't been hit. Spencer woke up fully then and looked at her open-mouthed, his eyes wild. He gripped her forearms with all his strength and whispered her name, looking at her helplessly.

She pulled him to her right there in the street and clung to him, rocking him back and forth, and crooning in his ear, "Spence, Spence, god baby I'm here, baby you could've been killed, my love, my love, my love, my love..." she was just saying whatever came into her head, stream of consciousness and she stood, lifting him up, her arms around his narrow, naked waist, guiding him to the sidewalk, and back inside the house. She tossed an "I'm sorry!" to the driver of the car over her shoulder and led him inside. Back inside where it was light, and warm, and safe.

Spencer sat on the couch, shivering, and JJ got a knitted throw and draped it over his cold, shirtless shoulders. She rubbed his arms and pulled him to her, warming him with her body heat. "Spence, tell me... tell me now while it's fresh." She kissed his temple and kept rubbing his arms.

His shivering lessening slightly, he told her about the nightmare, vivid as it was still in his mind... "But JJ I don't know... why. It's the most terrifying thing I've ever experienced and... just why am I having these? God, beautiful, I'm so, so, sorry! You ran right into the street to get to me, didn't you? Promise me you'll never do that again, please!"

She put her forehead against his and said, "Spence, I'd do that again in a flat second if you were in danger. Just like you would for me."

Spencer leaned forward and put his head in his hands. "I wish I knew... what is causing me to..." he shook his head. "JJ the last time I had nightmares like these it was about Riley Jenkins, remember that?" She nodded. "As horrible as those were, these are so much worse. This is something black and evil and after me. And I don't think it's a case... I don't think it's... literal. I need to figure this out." he said, leaning his head on the back of the couch.

JJ said, "And you will. Tomorrow... or I mean later today." She ran her hand along his forehead and temple and asked "Is there anything I can get you right now?"

Silently, he folded himself up against her and held her to him, so tight. She would have wrapped her arms around him twice if she could, and they sat there on the sofa - heart to heart - for good, long minutes, until they weren't scared any more... until the fear had passed. For now.

Jaye sat up in bed in the dim early light, her head feeling funny. It felt... thick. She felt like she couldn't think, like she was in a warm, dark fog. She looked down and thought "I don't have a red blanket. Did Penelope bring me a red blanket...?" She felt something sticky on her hands and she brought them up to her face, and both her palms were crimson red. Then she felt the pain. It knifed through her like a sword and she screamed. Again it stabbed into her, hot fire and agony and she screamed again, louder than she'd ever in her life, before the dark fog enveloped her completely.

Truan burst into her room, allowing himself a microsecond to take in the bloody scene before hitting the life alert alarm on her wall. The ambulance on its way, he flung himself at her bedside to assess what was wrong, what had happened, slipping on a puddle that had pooled onto the floor. He got up and ran to her bathroom - god, so much blood – and grabbed several towels out of the linen closet. Truan ran back to her prone, still body and began staunching as much as he could – nonono - glancing nervously at the door – where WERE they – and he started loudly saying her name, looking under her eyelids and patting her colorless cheeks and saying "Jaye,JAYE – hold on, HOLD ON..."

Chapter 29: Chapter 29

Connection

Truan stood outside Jaye's room in the ER watching the doctors work, arms crossed, his eyes never leaving her, his worry mounting as she went through bag after bag of blood. He'd called Spencer from the ambulance, they were on their way. Truan's blood type was the same as hers so he'd already given all he could for the next 24 hours.

JJ and Spencer came running in, faces panicked, JJ stopping next to Truan. Spencer went straight into Jaye's room and immediately felt a silent, black terror. He staggered and gripped the foot of her bed. But it wasn't his own fear he was feeling. He looked at Jaye and yes, he was afraid for her, but this was different. She was unconscious and unaware of what was happening, but then the fear reached out, clawed at him, at his mind, and for a moment he thought he was dreaming again.

Spencer shook his head and forced himself to focus. This couldn't be real, he was awake! He looked at JJ through the glass and saw her watching him, her concern written all over her face, and he focused on that.

"Dr. Reid." the lead doctor spoke. "We have to make a decision right now. We have to deliver the baby, and then maybe we can stop her bleeding..."

Spencer nodded, looking him in the eye. "Will Jaye survive?"

"I don't know," he answered honestly. But I do know this baby is going to die if we don't get her out. The amniotic sac ruptured completely almost ten minutes ago, she could be choking on blood... we need to get her -"

Spencer's mind was whirling - the baby – his daughter, his little girl... and then he felt her. As sure as he knew his own mind he knew it was her. She was in his mind - the fear had been coming from her! Spencer thought quickly of Jaye, and what she would want. Would she ever want to live at the cost of her child's life? Never, no... NO! And then he felt his daughter's thoughts, her fear... growing weaker... he felt her slipping from his mind and he knew what he had to do.

"Get her out. Deliver her. Do it now." Spencer said.

Immediately the doctors sprang into action, throwing up a field and performing an emergency c-section. Minutes later the baby was out, cord clipped, and the doctors instantly went back to work on Jaye, pumping even more blood into her veins, doing their best to keep it inside her weakening body. Doing their best to save her life.

The neo-natal nurse cleared the baby's airways and quickly wrapped her into a heated bassinet, wheeling her out of the room at top speed with Spencer on her heels. He felt his daughter reaching, frantic, afraid and cold, not understanding and he tentatively reached back. His perfect mind touched her connection and held it, he did his best to think calm, loving thoughts, and felt her terror ebb... for the first time, he felt it slowly calm until it was just a dim, slight throbbing at the edge of his consciousness.

All through the NICU nurses, and then the doctor's ministrations, he held her in his mind, flooding her with warm thoughts of love and encouragement, soothing her frantic, wordless fear with silent murmurs of comfort. He felt her sleep then, finally, exhausted by her ordeal. He sagged with relief as he heard them give stable reports of her vitals. She would need to be there for a while. Her lungs weren't fully formed yet and she'd need to stay in the NICU for a few weeks... but she would live. His daughter would live.

Truan sat next to Jaye, holding her hand. The doctors had done everything they could, and now it was up to her. They had exhausted the hospital's blood supply, and now because JJ was O-positive, the universal blood type, she was lying on a bed, emergency transfusing Jaye until the blood bank could replenish the hospital's supply.

"You really care about her, don't you?" JJ asked Truan, her voice low.

"I care about all of my patients, Agent Jareau." he replied, reaching up to smooth a stray hair off Jaye's forehead.

"This much?" she continued.

Truan looked over at the blonde woman. "No." he admitted.

JJ regarded him for a second. "You don't like me, do you?" she asked.

"I don't really know you," he replied. "She does, though."

JJ's eyes went to the unconscious brunette's delicately pale face and said "I doubt that."

"She does. As much as she loves Doctor Reid, as much as she could despise you? She doesn't. Whenever she does speak of you, and it isn't often, but when she does... she uses kind words." he said. "She says you've never been rude or mean to her once. Not one time."

"I understand her. We both love him. I admire her, Truan, I do. I don't know what I'd do without him, and I see how strong she must be to go through this." JJ admitted.

"Doctor Reid is very lucky to have two such incredible women in his life. Two such women who love him as they do." His eyes went back to Jaye. "Thank you for sharing your blood with her."

JJ nodded. "She would've done the same for me."

Spencer came in, seeing JJ on the bed and immediately assessed what was going on. He looked at Truan as he moved to JJ and asked. "How is she?"

"She's weak... very. It's still touch and go. We won't know anything for a while. How is the bambina?

"She's on oxygen and a ventilator, but she's sleeping peacefully. The docs are confident she'll be okay. I'm going back over there in a little while. God, she's beautiful, JJ." He looked at her, reaching to touch her hair, he bent over and kissed her forehead. Their eyes met and she smiled up at him, squeezing his hand. He straightened and squeezed back . "No more nightmares," he whispered.

She looked up at him, puzzled. "How do you... what?"

"Tell you later." he said. "Scoot over." He climbed in with her as she made room for him in the narrow bed. He draped his arm over her stomach and let himself relax against her as best he could. Truan looked over at them and gave a half-smile. All of them became very quiet, listening for anything from Jaye that might signal a change. All of them caring, all of them hopeful for what tomorrow would bring.

Chapter 30: Chapter 30

Progress

Spencer sat in the NICU just after dawn swathed in the sterile mask, gown, and gloves the nurses made him wear, holding his daughter and rocking her. He couldn't take his eyes off her. So tiny, so dear... he didn't understand this connection with her, but he knew he, or rather the both of them, would figure it out soon. Spencer wasn't used to not understanding things and this was definitely something new and incredibly important. Andwonderful. He hadn't told anyone yet, not even JJ, but soon.

Jaye's soft voice came to him then and he looked over his shoulder at the tiny, pale, fragile-looking woman in the wheelchair, wrapped in the same garb he was in. It had been a close call, but the doctors had managed to stop her hemorrhaging and she had pulled through. It was very difficult saving her, and she probably would never have another child, but she was alive. Still very weak, she was there with their daughter every chance she got.

"You look beautiful sitting there like that with her," she said.

Spencer smiled under his mask. "She's the beauty. How are you today?"

"Restless. I need to get out of here soon. I'm tired, though. Did you stay here all night with her again?"

Spencer nodded. "She needs me."

"And you need sleep. Why don't you hand her off to me and go get some. JJ will kill me if I don't make you rest." she said, smirking.

"JJ understands," he whispered.

"Have you thought about the name I want? We can't keep calling her 'Baby Turner-Reid', you know..." she reminded him.

"I think it's perfect. It's just beautiful and fits her so well. And I've finally thought of her middle name. I want it to be Belle." he said.

"Willow Belle... meaning 'beauty'..." Jaye rolled it around on her tongue. "That's really nice, Spencer. I can get on-board with that."

Spencer stood and handed little Willow to Jaye, carefully disentangling himself from her monitors and oxygen feed. She was only on the ventilator at night now, and making progress every day. She mewled a bit at the loss of contact with her father, then fell into sleep against Jaye's chest.

He tore his eyes away from his little girl and looked at her mother. "Have I thanked you today for giving me her?" He said.

Now it was Jaye's turn to smile under her mask as she looked at her daughter's precious face. "Have I thanked you today for making the call?"

It was a daily ritual between them now. Him letting her know how much her sacrifice meant to him, and her letting him know she understood and was glad he'd made the decision about Willow's delivery.

Spencer placed his hand on her thin shoulder as he started to walk out. "I'll be back later. I've got to go in to work for a while," he said.

"You've got to go home and get some rest, first." she demanded, her tone firm.

Spencer liked it when she was gruff with him. He could see some of her usual fire in her eyes, should he try to cross her. He nodded and pretended fear. "Okay, okay... geez." he said.

"That's better. See you later," she said, shooing him out with one hand.

Spencer took off his gown and all the rest and dropped them into the recycler before meeting Truan on the way out.

"Hey, Truan." he said, reaching to shake the Spaniard's hand.

"Good morning, Doctor Reid. How are they?" he asked, looking at them through the window.

"Better every day." Spencer looked back at them.

Truan heard the relief in the slender man's voice, and also the fatigue.

"She left her room even before I got here today. She shouldn't be exerting herself in that wheelchair." Truan said.

"YOU wanna try telling her that, go ahead," Spencer smiled at the bigger man. "Not me."

Truan smiled back at him, nodding, understanding passing between them. "You look like hell, Doctor. Time for you to get some rest?"

Spencer liked how Truan always used his title. He was aware of the nurse's growing fondness for Jaye, and thought it was a good thing to keep a respectful distance between himself and the other man. He nodded before answering, "That's the plan. I'll be back later, though."

"Of course," Truan answered.

"Make her eat." Spencer ordered, clapping him on the shoulder before taking his leave.

"Of course," Truan said again.

He looked back at Jaye through the glass, just stood there watching her with her baby for a few moments. He felt a tightness in his chest that had nothing to do with stress and everything to do with how he felt about the woman in the wheelchair. Dios, what would he have done had she died? He made a promise to himself to never let anything happen to her ever again. Deep down Truan knew that he loved her. He just didn't want to admit it to himself yet. He wasn't sure that he ever would.

Spencer pulled into their driveway and JJ walked out in her big fluffy robe to meet him, a mug of steaming coffee in her hand. She tiptoed and kissed him and Spencer thought he'd never laid eyes on a more welcome sight... and god she smelled so good.

"Mmmm", he said, taking a sip and winding one arm around his love.

JJ slid both her arms around his waist, smiling up at him and said "Jaye send you home?"

"Yes," he admitted. "How'd you know?"

"We do communicate, babe." she said.

"I don't stand a chance, do I?" He replied, kissing the top of her head as they moved back into the house.

"Nope." she nuzzled against his chest. "How's Willow?"

"How did you..." Spencer remembered then he had told her Jaye's idea for the baby's name yesterday. "Ahh, she's okay, she's a little fighter and she's getting stronger every day. Are you going in to see her today?"

"Thought I'd stop by before work, after I've tucked you in properly."

"Tucked me in? Jennifer I need to go in with you. Hotch -"

" -understands," she finished. "There isn't any pressing need for you to be in the office, Spence. If there were, one of us would've told you. You stayed up with the baby all night again, didn't you?"

He nodded.

"Just how well do you think you'll perform at the job if you haven't slept, hmm?"

JJ looked up at him with her huge blue eyes and he just felt like swimming in them. God she was beautiful. And she was right. Spencer held onto his mug, taking another sip as he let her lead him to the bedroom. "Okay, maybe just a few hours?" he said, acquiescing.

"Mmm-hmm..." JJ had an idea of how to help him sleep. She took his mug from him and set it down on the nightstand, then started helping him off with his clothes. She planted little kisses on his collarbone as she undid his shirt, her lips moving down his chest as she undid his buttons, then knelt as she unzipped his pants. Spencer buried his hands in her hair, made a soft noise, and dropped his head back as she made it clear she wasn't going anywhere anytime soon.

Plenty of time to tell her later, he thought, plenty of time... and then he stopped thinking altogether.

Chapter 31: Chapter 31

Diner

"I can hear Willow," Spencer said before taking a drink of his coffee.

"You can what now?" JJ asked, her fork piled high with the last of her pie.

"Hear her. Feel her. Feel what she's feeling." Spencer sat across the table from JJ at the little diner they both loved, catching a late dinner before heading back to the hospital.

"You mean... literally?" JJ looked at him askance.

"Yep." he shrugged. "I don't understand it JJ, but it's true. And pretty damned remarkable."

"Spencer, you've got to be kidding me. If this is real then... it's not just remarkable, it's miraculous! My god..." she looked at him full on, stunned, putting her fork down.

"I know. Look, let's just keep this between us for now, alright? I don't want everybody freaking out," he said. But I felt her pain and terror while she was being born, and whenever I hold her, it's... it's almost like we're one person, feelings-wise. I can soothe her, too. I've never felt anything like it."

JJ reached across to grab his hand, meeting his eyes. "Spence... this is... incredible. But if I can just say... I'm not really as surprised as I should be. I mean... if this were to happen to anyone, it would be you. You areremarkable."

"Thank you, thanks. And I love you for saying that, but it's also really possible that it isn't me." he responded.

"What do you mean?" she wondered.

"I think it might be Willow that's doing it. I think she's the one that's remarkable, and I'm just the... I dunno... receiver?

JJ nodded. "Or, it's the both of you together. Babe, how are you planning on figuring this out?"

"I don't know yet. All I know is that it's real and it's there... and we're using it. I've been working on how to focus it ever since she was born. I just don't have any idea where to get advice about it, you know? It's not like there are books on honest-to-goodness empathic powers."

"Right. And it's only with Willow?" JJ asked.

He nodded. "As far as I can tell."

"Try it. Try it with me." JJ closed her eyes and thought the most powerful feeling she could think of directly at him.

Spencer smiled and reached to touch her face. "I don't have to be empathic to know what you're thinking, beautiful."

She opened her eyes and looked at him. "Yeah," she said, "I'm pretty transparent when it comes to you, aren't I?" She smiled and he smiled back.

"Yes you are," he answered, "and no... I've never felt it before. Not with anyone. Just my daughter."

"So what are we going to do with this? What are you gonna do?"

"I don't know. Nothing. I mean, so far I just want it to be a part of who we are to each other... of how we are to each other, you know? And... I'm afraid if I tell Jaye, she'll get..."

"Jealous?" JJ finished for him.

"Maybe." he answered truthfully. "Or maybe she'd freak out... try to keep us apart."

"Well, okay. I don't see why she'd need to know about this unless it starts to really affect Willow... impact her in some negative way. Although I can't see how being connected to your wonderful thoughts and feelings would ever be detrimental to her." she said.

"I'm worried about the job, JJ. I'm worried about keeping her shielded from the horrific cases we have every week. I don't know how deep this goes. And when she starts talking? Will I be able to hear her words too, or is it just feelings? Damn," he looked down. " I wish Professor Xavier was a real person. He's an expert." Spencer smiled ruefully as he realized how silly that sounded.

JJ squeezed his hand. "I know, baby. You and Willow will figure this out, I have no doubt. Just take it as it comes... step by step."

He squeezed her hand back. "Were you always this wise?"

"Well, loving a genius has it's rewards," she teased, then an idea occurred to her, "Oh, so this was what you meant when you told me 'no more nightmares'? She asked.

"Yes. They were hers, too. She was inside my head with me... in my dreams, influencing them."

JJ sat back. "Wow."

"I know. I didn't see it at the time, but it was her. Poor little angel... she didn't know... she - she can't help it."

"Can you feel her right now?" JJ asked.

"Not really, but... sort of? Like I know she's there, but it's weaker. When I'm in the same room, or even the same building with her... she fills my head."

JJ nodded. "Okay, so proximity has something to do with it – so part of it must be physical. Do you think she feels what you're feeling, too?"

"To a certain extent, as far as I can tell. I mean, I've been able to soothe her, like I mentioned before. I just don't know how far that goes on her end. She can't tell me." he said.

"Well, maybe it's like a skill... you have to sharpen it. Spencer, do you realize that this means that she may very well have your level of intellect? That she may have your I.Q.?"

"I know, and since I.Q. Isn't learned - it's something you're born with - she could be a provable genius already. There's just no practical way to test her, at least not until she's able to communicate." He looked at the tabletop and frowned.

"What? What is it, baby?" JJ asked.

Spencer lifted his head to look into her eyes, his own filling with tears. "Jennifer I wouldn't wish this on anyone, least of all my own daughter. My childhood was... less than ideal."

JJ grabbed both of his hands across the table and squeezed hard. "Spence, look at me, listen," she raised her eyebrows and locked eyes with him. "It's different now, it is. With all the zero-tolerance about bullying... and parents, teachers, and kids are really aware now. Baby we won't let anything happen to her, you know that, right? She's going to have a very different experience than you did. I fucking hate that you had to go through what you did... but... look at you. You are you because of the sum total of your life experience, we all are. Spencer there isn't one single thing I'd change about you. Not one. And sweetie, she's not going to have a schizophrenic mother, or a father who abandons her... her life is going to be wonderful, all of us will see to that."

He nodded, quickly wiping his eyes. "Okay, yes... yes, I know you're right."

"You've been holding this all in, ever since you discovered it, haven't you?" she asked, her voice soft and full of sympathy.

"Who would I tell? Only you would understand. I wanted to get a better handle on it before I shared it. Besides, I had no way of knowing whether or not it was just a temporary anomaly. What if I shouted it from the rooftops and then it just went away. I'd look like an idiot... and how would that help Willow... at all?" he said.

The waitress came up with the bill and they got up to leave together. Spencer paid the bill and held the door for her as they stepped outside into the chill night air. JJ slid her arm around his waist, and he pulled her in close, kissing the top of her head. They walked to the car, arms around each other.

JJ said "Well, whatever comes of this, Dr. Reid, we'll figure it out together."

"We will. And I guess there's no point in stressing too hard about it right now. We'll deal as it happens... it's just hard for me not to know what to do. When dealing with an unknown quantity, there's always ways to factor in the probabilities, to make an educated hypothesis based on -"

"Did you just call your daughter an "unknown quantity"? JJ interrupted, teasing.

"I think I sort of did! Not even a month into it and I'm a failure as a father already!" he looked at her, horrified.

She burst out laughing. "Oh, yeah! You suck as a dad! Holding her tight every single day of her life for 18 hours of the day, never leaving her side and going without any food or sleep yourself? Oh yeah, the very definition of a sucky dad! Haha!"

He looked down, smiling in spite of himself. What had he ever done before her? She had such a way of keeping things in perspective, of making him see the ridiculousness whenever he was too serious.

"I love you, JJ." he said simply.

"I love you back." she replied.

Chapter 32: Chapter 32

Adapting

Spencer reached into the top shelf of the cabinet, looking for a fresh cannula for Willow's oxygen delivery, irritated that the nurse hadn't noticed it needed to be changed. Then he remembered that Willow had felt it to him and he relaxed. Still, they were in the NICU, she should've checked for it, he groused.

He stopped for a minute and marveled at the level of sophistication their communication had evolved into in just a few weeks. It was almost effortless now, she reaching for him automatically whenever he arrived, him catching her gentle question with a soothing "I'm here."

Willow started fussing, Jaye holding her up against her shoulder and patting Willow's back, rocking rapidly. Spencer looked over at them.

"Don't do that." he said to Jaye, irritated.

"Don't do what?" she answered, just as annoyed.

"Don't rock her that fast," he said, "and she doesn't want her back patted right now."

"How do you know?" Jaye said. "I'm her mother and -"

"And I'm her father," he replied, louder than he wanted to. "Give her to me." He moved to take Willow from Jaye's arms.

Jaye looked at him, her eyes enormous with surprise, but gave her over. Willow, picking up on Spencer's agitation, started bellowing... until he held her against him. He immediately telegraphed warmth and love and peace as best he could to her, his eyes closed. Willow burrowed her little face against his collar, her cries turning to contented sighs.

Jaye looked at him. "How do you DO that? Every single time! Spencer, I swear, there is something going on that you aren't telling me and you'd better spill it. What, have you read every single baby book in existence, is that it? How the hell do you always know what she wants?"

"Lower your voice, please, Jaye..." he said, softly. He rubbed his face against the soft top of his daughter's head, bouncing her ever so lightly and whispering "shhhh" as he walked around with her. His eyes darted to Jaye, who was sitting in the rocking chair, arms folded, eyeing him suspiciously. Her eyebrows shot up, requesting his answer, and he sighed.

"Intuition," he whispered, lowering his eyes so she wouldn't see the lie.

"Bullshit." she said. "Spill it, genius."

"I don't know, Jaye, s-sorry."

He looked back at her, further irritated. They had been getting on each other's nerves a lot lately, the closeness of the NICU, and Willow's precarious health eating at their normally cooperative relationship.

She looked down at her lap. It was bad enough that she felt inadequate in not healing fast enough, not being able to get back to her practice, and she was sure as fuck tired of this place. She wanted nothing more than to take her daughter home and start living their life. This was not living. Jaye hated it. And right now she hated Spencer. Fuck him and his brilliant mind, his natural affinity for their baby. She transferred to the wheelchair and spun it about.

"I'll be back in my cell, if anyone decides to need me. Ever."

Spencer tilted his head and watched her go, his annoyance evaporating. He knew she was really trying... and she didn't have his advantage – didn't even know about it. He just... wasn't ready to tell anyone yet. He looked down at Willow as she felt for his mind again, kissing the top of her head. "I'm here..." he thought as he beamed the love in his heart straight into her perfect little mind.

Truan was standing in the hallway talking to Jaye's doctor as she sped by him in the wheelchair. She tried to avoid looking at him but he saw the tears on her cheeks. He excused himself and followed her into her room.

"Don't start, Truan." Jaye headed him off. "I'm not in ANY kind of mood," she said as she climbed into her bed, facing away from him.

Truan knew where she'd been. He also knew that her and Dr. Reid hadn't been having the easiest time getting along lately. He looked at the tiny woman's back, could see the tension knotted in her hunched up shoulders, and his heart went out to her. He moved to stand next to her bed, wanting to reach out and touch her, massage her shoulders... "...take you in my arms..." he thought.

He looked at his own outstretched hand, just inches from her back and he jerked it back, an effort to drop it by his side. "How is the bambina?" He kept his voice steady.

"Oh, she's great! As long as she's in Spencer's arms, she's just perfect!" Jaye replied, her voice bitter, and thick with tears.

Truan understood. He had noticed the strange, silent rapport Spencer seemed to be developing with Willow, and his heart went out to Jaye for feeling left out. He knew she had been struggling to find her own connection with the baby, and the fact that Spencer found it so effortless must smack of just another rejection to her.

Truan walked around to the other side of the bed and sat down on the edge. Jaye kept staring straight ahead, letting her tears leak onto the pillow. This time he let himself touch her, his thumb gently wiping the tear from her cheek. "You will find your way to each other. It isn't always easy at first, but you will get there," he reassured.

"How do you know?" she said. "You don't have any – wait – do you have any kids?" she asked, feeling a little sheepish that she didn't know this.

Truan looked into her teary eyes and nodded. "I do," he said, a light coming to his eyes. "A son. He lives with his mother in Spain. He's eight."

Jaye forgot her own misery for a moment as curiosity took over. "What's his name?" she asked.

"Vincente. I see him often. His mother brings him here, or I go there."

Jaye flipped onto her back, intrigued. "Nice. Why didn't I know this?"

Truan flashed his dazzling smile all too rarely, but he did so now. "You never asked. And I try to keep things as professional as possible, you know? Talking about my family did not seem... prudent."

"Oh balls." Jaye made a face. "We can talk to each other about most anything. At least, that's how I feel." It was her turn to reach out and touch him. She rested her hand on his forearm.

He covered her hand with his own, patting it and giving it a little squeeze. "I'd like to see him even more, but her husband is the jealous type and doesn't like her coming here alone too often."

"So you aren't still together?" She didn't like how her voice went up at the end of that question.

"No." He stood up and walked to the window, his back to Jaye.

"Well? What happened? You can't just tell me part of it! Why'd you break up?" she sat up, even more interested now.

He kept his back to her, spreading his arms as he said "There is not a lot to tell, Jaye. She cheated on me with this man, and I divorced her. Vincente was one at the time. I came home to find him in his crib, and her in bed, too. With the man who is now her husband. Our bed. I walked out of the house, engaged an attorney, and never looked back."

He turned to face her. "An all - too common story, I'm afraid. Not very interesting," he said, his voice low.

Jaye could see the hurt still in his eyes and she was sorry she'd pushed to hear it. She wanted to comfort him somehow but didn't know what to say. It was difficult for her to imagine anyone cheating on him. God he was so... she cleared her throat and changed the subject to keep from finishing her thought.

"Um... okay then. Chess?" she covered, reaching for the board.

"Alright." he answered. He moved to sit on the bed across from her in their customary positions, an easy warmth settling between them.

"So, when they finally spring me from here, you're coming home with us, right?" she asked as she set up the chess pieces.

Truan looked up from the chessboard into her eyes. "No, Jaye. I'll see you and Willow settled, but then I need to disengage. I have other patients -"

She was shocked. It didn't even occur to her that he wouldn't be coming with them. "The hell with that!" she raised her voice. "Truan I'm still going to need you when I get home! I'm not completely recovered, and what if Willow... I mean... you can't just leave us!"

He was genuinely surprised, and flattered a little by her vehement response, but he needed to reason with her. "I will always be just a phone call away. Doctor Reid will want to take up any slack my leaving would cause, and besides, there's no room for me. Jaye, you always knew my assignment to you would end."

"Spencer's far too busy to be around that much. And yes, yes of course I knew you'd be leaving us sometime, but... but... not now! Not so soon! So much has happened and you've been through it all with us and don't I... we... have first dibs on you? Professionally, I mean? What if I... what if I..." she looked down and darted her eyes back and forth. Oh, this would just not do. This would not do at all.

Truan saw her getting distressed and cursed himself. He reached over and touched her hand again, and her head snapped up to meet his eyes. "We don't have to discuss it this moment, Jaye. I'm sure there is some type of agreement we can come to. Please don't be upset," he said, worried.

Impulsively, she moved the chessboard out from between them and closed the distance between herself and the big man, catching him off-guard as she slid her arms around him in an embrace. She had never even hugged him before, although he had carried her, but this was something... more.

"Truan," she whispered, as she felt his strong arms encircle her, pulling her to him the rest of the way until they were pressed together. It felt so good to have him hold her this way, to have her arms around him... so good and so natural. Jaye fastened her eyes on his beautiful, full lips and felt herself drawn in closer... closer...

He barely touched his warm lips to her soft mouth and it was like a fire ignited between them. Jaye kissed him full-on then, harder, and his arms tightened around her in a desperate embrace, his hand moving up into her soft hair, hers reaching up to touch his elegant face as their lips danced across each others, feverish and long-denied.

Neither of them noticed the slim Doctor Reid in the doorway, still in his hospital gown, watching them, his arms folded.

Chapter 33: Chapter 33

Attachments

JJ came up and stood beside Spencer. She noticed his slight smile and looked into the room. She copied his folded-arm stance and whispered "Think they know we're here?"

"Nope." he answered, whispering too.

"Should we tell them?" JJ said.

"Nope." he whispered again, leaning down and planting a kiss on the top of her head. "Hi beautiful."

She smiled up at him and took his hand as they moved away from the door. "I knew it."

"You did?"

"When I was giving her blood, he admitted it. He was just sitting there watching her, holding her hand when she was unconscious. I could totally tell," she said.

"Huh. Howcome you didn't tell me?"

"I thought you knew. Also I thought maybe Jaye would say something to you."

"Truan's a good man, but it isn't very... professional, is it?"

"Oh you mean like two FBI agents from the same unit falling in love?" She tilted her head up at him and he smiled.

"Happens all the time." he laughed. "Again you make perfect sense." He shrugged. "Wanna go see Willow?"

"That's why I'm here," she said, sliding her arm around his waist. "So are you bothered by this?" They walked, arms around each other, down the hall.

"Not at all. It just caught me by surprise. But they have spent every day for the last seven months together, odds are they'd either hate each other or fall in love. At least I know him... and he does care about Willow too, so that's cool... Morgan will be glad – maybe Truan won't flirt with Garcia so much."

They both laughed at that and Spencer felt Willow's familiar tug as they neared her room. "She's awake," he said, a huge grin on his face.

"I love how you know that when we're still twenty feet from her room." she said

"I do too."

"I want to hold her first, Spence. You get her all the time."

"Yeah, yeah..." he said, picking up Willow and looking into her hazel eyes, so like his own. He'd started experimenting... gently sending to her in words instead of just emotions. So far he hadn't gotten any words back, but he wanted her to have tags... for people, for things, for feelings... that she could communicate clearly with. He figured it couldn't do any harm, and so far she hadn't recoiled, or sent him any negativity.

Spencer's word for JJ was 'beauty', and he sent it to Willow as he handed her to JJ. Willow looked up at her and shoved a tiny fist into her mouth, making eye contact and little gurgling sounds. Spencer felt her contentment at being in JJ's arms, and that she found her face pleasing.

JJ held her for the better part of an hour, slowly rocking her and softly singing songs from her own childhood, and from when Henry was a baby. Spencer could feel Willow's pleasure as she listened, very still, to the sweet melodies. He sat there watching them, loving them, and thinking how lucky he was. Just when he was about to reach for her, he changed his mind as Willow reached up a little hand and touched JJ's face. JJ leaned into the baby's precious touch, and smiled, her eyes filling with tears.

"Spence..." she whispered.

"I see!" he whispered back, his heart swelling. He gently sent to Willow so she could feel his approval and his love, and she clung to him in return. Spencer leaned forward and reached for JJ's hand, and it was the most beautiful connection he'd ever experienced. The three of them in the dim nursery in the hospital... his family... just being.

He knew he'd have to go back to work full-time soon and it bothered him, but it couldn't be helped. Between them all, he knew, Willow would want for nothing and have the best of care. He was already jealous though, of whoever it would be that was with her when he couldn't be.

Perspective would come, he told himself, but she was just such an amazing perfect miracle. He hated to be away from her, ever. He knew, above all, that he wouldn't ever be lonely again his entire life, and he was certain that she would never be.

Willow continued to thrive and before they knew it it was time for her to come home. Jaye had been discharged earlier, and she couldn't be happier. Truan continued to surprise her in new and different ways each and every day, and their relationship was progressing.

After a rocky start, the custody agreement with Spencer hammered itself out equitably, each parent having Willow roughly half the time. Jaye would have her whenever he had to leave town for a case (which was often), and he would have her the rest of the time. It was a loose arrangement, easily handled, and always with Willow's best interest at heart. The team and Truan were always in the mix as well, and Willow never wanted for company. Something about the little girl just drew everyone to her.

Spencer could tell that she began to understand that the connection they shared was a unique one, and that it didn't happen with anyone else. At first she was frightened without him, but he telegraphed as best he could that everyone loved her just as much as he did and she began to let others comfort her in their own way, to take different moods and feelings and impressions from everyone around her. She was a serious baby, seldom fussy, mostly quiet, her eyes always watching.

By the time she was six months old, Willow and her father had a working vocabulary of sorts, and communicated fluidly and nearly constantly. Spencer had struggled to erect barriers to protect her from the horror of his livelihood, as she seemed to be able to knock them down at will. He had caught her before she'd seen anything really bad, but he didn't know how to stop her other than forbidding her with stern disapproval. Not wanting to ever upset her father, and needing to please him always, she obediently stayed out of those areas of his mind he deemed inappropriate for her to venture into. Spencer knew it was a stopgap, but it worked for now so he just went with it. He was no expert on this either, but he knew whatever came, they'd find their way through it together.

Jaye and Truan were frequent visitors at Spence and JJ's house, they'd get together when time allowed, doing a movie or game night, and sometimes Penelope or Rossi would join in too. Pen and her boyfriend were on kind of a break right now, as she felt Kevin was getting too serious, so her and Morgan were over together more often than not. Jaye wondered about them. They obviously had a deep love and respect for one another and she wondered to Spencer why they had never explored it.

"We don't know that they haven't." Spencer answered with a shrug.

"Well... have they ever confided in you? Morgan, at least?" she asked.

"Nope. And none of us ever ask. We've always just taken them at face-value, and nobody prys. All of us would be thrilled if they ever got together, but I don't know... Morgan dates A LOT."

"Yes, but all of his important moments are with her. Holidays, downtime, functions, speaking engagements... and whenever Kevin tries to cement anything with her, she breaks up with him. Don't you think she's waiting for Derek?" she pressed.

"Whatever. They're best friends." Spencer shrugged.

Jaye wasn't so sure. "Well I think they're in love."

"Why don't you ask her?" he suggested.

"You!" she replied.

"No way. I've known them all these years and I'm not about to rock the boat now. You guys are pretty tight, you should ask her."

"You're no help," she groused.

"It's none of my business!" He defended.

"Morgan's like your brother, and you don't think it's your business?"

"Ugh, Jaye, just drop it. If Morgan ever wants to talk, I'm here and he knows it, alright? That's good enough."

Jaye looked at him, exasperated, before turning and walking out. "Men."

Spencer watched her go and gave a little half-smile. "You love us!" he called after her.

Chapter 34: Chapter 34

Disclosure

Derek Morgan stretched awake in the most luxurious bed he'd ever known. Even though there were blackout curtains in the room, his internal clock told him he'd best be getting up. They had to meet Hotch in a hour... or so.

He loved Las Vegas. Even though the cases that brought them here were some of the worst, he still loved this town. Grown-folks playground, he called it. He wasn't wrong.

This time it was different, though. Convenient that they'd gotten a case here right when she'd agreed... finally made the decision to stop playing and put up or shut up. Derek fingered the gold band on his left third finger and smiled. There really had never been any other choice, and he felt... complete.

He rolled over, wrapping himself around the sleeping woman next to him, her warmth, her smell... all so perfectly familiar, so beautiful. He breathed into his wife's ear, "Baby Girl... wakey wakey, we've gotta go." he rumbled, his velvety voice vibrating against her hair, her ear.

"Mmmm", she said, reaching back a hand to feel his morning... scruff. "Promise me this is how we'll wake up every morning? Minus the 'gotta go' part..." she turned to look her man full in the face, her beautiful, wonderful hero... her Derek... her husband.

He smiled and kissed her, pulling her to him. "Oh, we always 'gotta go' momma..."

Penelope breathed in sharply as his warm, firm lips found her throat... ahh they had so much time to make up for. Now that they were here she couldn't believe it had taken her this long to say 'yes'. How could she ever have thought that there could be anyone else? They had always belonged together, always loved each other above everyone else, and now it was official. At this moment, she knew she was the happiest woman on planet Earth.

They could be a little late... once.

"Hold on, mi amada, there is something I have to tell you," Truan said as Jaye got up from the sofa to check on Willow.

They had been having a sweet night, Jaye's favorite kind, when they just hung out together, just the two of them, playing music, dancing slow, munching, cuddling... but something in his voice stopped her and she sat, looking into his gorgeous, troubled eyes. She hadn't noticed until now, but something was really eating at him. He ran a hand through his thick black hair before continuing. She took his hand and looked at him, listening.

"Jaye, I've been offered a position. A very... prestigious appointment."

"That's great, really great! What's the job?" she asked, beaming her smiling approval at him.

Truan stood up, and started pacing. "Do you know who the King of Spain is?"

She was taken aback, but answered "Juan Carlos?"

"Yes," he replied, quietly. "Jaye, he has appointed me... to... be Head of Nursing..."

Jaye felt cold. She stood up, locking eyes with him. "Where, Truan?"

"Hospital Universitari de Bellvitge. The most prestigious teaching hospital in all of Spain. Jaye... I cannot refuse."

A million different thoughts bounced around her head, all fighting for dominance. She couldn't believe this... to have come this far with him, to have trusted again and now to have it all yanked away... have him taken from her...

She shook her head no, and he was there, holding her by her arms as her knees buckled. He felt her sag and lifted her up in his strong arms. "No, mi amor," he soothed as he kissed her forehead, "just listen to me - you are always so quick to react - Jaye... I want you to come with me."

He set her down on the sofa and sat next to her, holding both her tiny hands in just his huge one. "It's true that I cannot turn this appointment down... but neither can I go if you are not with me. I've thought about it, about little else... and we don't have much time. They need my answer by next week."

Her head was spinning now, running through every scenario, every possibility. She couldn't just up and leave! Her practice, and... and Spencer would never let her take Willow that far, and... and... but oh! What a fantastic opportunity! But no... no... it couldn't happen... could it? No, she wasn't the type to just run off at a moment's notice to Spain! What was he thinking? What was she thinking? She looked into Truan's eyes, her brown searching his deep blue.

"I need to think, Truan." she swallowed and took a deep breath. "There's a lot to consider."

His face fell. "That's not a yes."

"It's not a 'no', either."

"What did you say?" JJ looked up from peanut buttering Henry's toast.

"Willow likes me," the little boy said, moving his toy truck back and forth on the table.

"I'm sure she does, tiger." She set the plate in front of him. "What made you think of that?"

He grabbed a triangle. "She told me. I like her too, she's nice."

JJ lowered herself into the kitchen chair opposite her son very slowly. "But Willow can't talk yet, she's just a baby, not a big boy like you."

"Oh she doesn't use words, mommy. She just talks in my head." He smiled up at his mother, stuffing another bite in his mouth.

"Spencer!" JJ called to him, "Can you come here please?" She smiled quickly at her oblivious son, trying to process what she had just heard.

Spencer came down the hallway, tieing his tie and said "What's up?"

JJ reached for his hand and said to Henry "Can you tell Uncle Spence what you just told me about Willow?" Spencer knelt down next to Henry, all ears.

"She doesn't talk loud, she's just a baby. She likes me," Henry said.

Spencer looked at JJ, then back at Henry. "And how do you know that, little man?"

"She comes in my head. Can I go play now?"

Spencer looked back at JJ, the significance of this not lost on either of them. He reached to put his hands on Henry's shoulders.

"One sec, Henry. Does Willow go in your head all the time, or just when she's here?"

"When she's here... at the park with us too. Can I get down now?"

"Sure... go ahead," JJ said.

Spencer slid into the seat the little boy had just vacated and absently picked up a toast triangle. He looked at JJ who sat back, eyebrows raised.

"How does she reach him?" Spencer wondered out loud. "And... wow."

"Yeah, wow. Spence..." she said, reaching across the table for his hand. "This is really incredible. I mean, it's amazing enough for you to share this with her... but to have this connection with Henry when there's no biological..."

"JJ..." he said, looking into her eyes.

She squeezed his hand, both remembering what they had once chosen to forget.

"Spence...".

Chapter 35: Chapter 35

The Story

"Henry's blood type is O-positive, right?" Spencer asked.

"Yes, same as mine." she answered.

"JJ, I hate to ask you this, but it could be important. Do you think you still have any of Will's DNA?"

"I... I don't think so... you mean like used clothing, or...?"

"Did you keep his razor, his comb, nail clippers, his... I don't know... shaving brush?"

"No... nothing like that."She thought for a moment. "OH, but Spence! There's a locket I haven't worn since he passed – it's got a lock of my, Henry's, and Will's hair all braided together!" she looked suddenly upset and Spencer went to her, folding his arms around her, and resting his chin on her head.

"JJ, we're going to have to talk about something that neither of us wants to revisit." He stepped back from her and holding on to her upper arms, looked into her eyes. They were clear blue and she matched his gaze in complete understanding.

"We don't have to talk about it Spence. We agreed a long time ago. Let's just get him tested. Tomorrow."

"JJ..." he said again. "I was... I was..." He looked down, his brows knitting. "You know what I was."

She looked up at him with such love, and reached up a hand to stroke his face. "It doesn't change anything, Spence. I love you. We... we were lost, both of us... and we were there for each other. Baby you didn't do anything wrong."

"I don't... remember. I know that you do and I wish I could but... JJ I was so messed up."

"Beautiful man, it has all worked out exactly as it was supposed to. We are here and we are fine and we are together. I don't regret what happened. I don't want you to, either. She pulled him to her.

"No, god no JJ... it's not about that, about regretting anything," he said, kissing her temple, his arms around her. "It's the not knowing." He looked at her expectantly.

She touched her lips to his before asking, solemnly, "You've never asked before. Do you want me to tell you?"

He touched his lips to hers and whispered "Yes."

She needed to go check on Henry first, she didn't want them to be disturbed. She pointed to the couch and he walked over, sitting down.

Henry was crashed on his bed, face down and butt up in the air surrounded by miniature trucks. JJ didn't touch him, but cleared all the toys away. Sometimes the soundest sleep was by his own design. She put his blanket in easy reach in case he woke up, and gently kissed his soft, blonde head.

God if he was Spencer's her heart would explode.

She gathered herself and went to sit with her man, to share the story only she could tell.

"How do you feel?" she asked.

"Apprehensive," he answered truthfully, wiping his palms on his pant legs.

"Spence, everything here is said with love, alright?"

He nodded, looking at her.

"Okay... you know when it was, right?"

He nodded again.

"It was just after Hankel. We were still reeling from those horrible two days. I couldn't take it that I'd almost lost you, that you were hurt... tortured... because of me. Because we split up at the farm."

"JJ, it wasn't your-" he put his hand on her arm.

"Spence. Just let me finish." She paused. God it was still so hard, so awful remembering what happened to him. She steeled herself and went on. "I didn't know it at the time but I had Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and I was self-medicating big time. I'd had almost half a bottle of tequila when I decided I needed to see you. Needed you. I drove over to your place and you were passed out on the sofa. You were so strung out on Dilaudid but I didn't know... none of us did... none of us knew the extent of what he'd done to you. I just needed to make it better somehow..."

"Spence, can I come in?" she softly slurred. "Spence?" JJ let herself into his apartment, piles of clothes and fast food wrappers everywhere, so unlike him but she didn't care. She saw in the dim light that he was asleep on the sofa and she moved over to him, dropping her coat as she went. She knelt down beside her sweet friend, reaching up to brush his tangled hair from his forehead, feeling his warm skin... she leaned in and touched her lips to his and a soft moan escaped him.

"JJ," he whispered, still out of it, his head tilting to the side, his eyes closed.

She needed to be closer to him and she undid her blouse, kissing him harder and feeling him respond. His hands moved to her face of their own volition and JJ crawled on top of him, feeling his arousal beneath her she reached down and undid his zipper tugging his pants down and releasing him into her grasp. Her breath was coming faster now and his soft moans as they kissed encouraged her to keep going, god she just needed to be closer... closer... she pushed her skirt up around her waist and slid her panties down, kicking them off. She leaned forward and whispered "Do you want me Spence?" into his ear and he nodded, his eyes closed, his breathing ragged. He said her name over and over as she guided him in. It was over too quickly, but JJ couldn't leave him just yet. She reached down and pulled his pants back up then fixed her own skirt. She lay down on top of him and held him for dear life, his breathing telling her that he had already fallen back asleep, if he ever even woke up, she didn't know.

"I left sometime before morning broke. I remember covering you up and kissing you goodbye." she finished.

"I thought you were a dream."

"I know. But you have to know that loving you that night was a turning point for me. A life-affirming, beautiful experience. I needed to give you something. Something warm and tangible... and to let you know that no matter what, I was... there for you. Like I hadn't been at the cabin." JJ's eyes filled with tears as she said the last part.

Spencer reached for her, pulling her into his arms and kissing her head. She wrapped her arms around him and just held on, savoring the bittersweet memory.

"The one time that we did talk about it... you just said we needed to forget it. I agreed because I didn't know what else to do. I didn't even remember what had happened, so it would've been silly for me to dwell on it, you know?"

She nodded against his chest. "There's plenty I regret about that night, Spence. That we were both wasted, that we didn't take our time, that we didn't ever take it further... but if we did in fact make Henry that night? Then it has been the best night of my life so far." She looked up at him.

He nodded. "I know what you mean. So let's hurry up and find out." He kissed her then, and it was the best thing he could've done. He sensed she needed his... okay. His assurance that he was alright. With everything.

"First thing in the morning," she said, as they got up in unison and walked to the bedroom, arms around each other.

"Hey now that we can talk about it, maybe you can show me what you did – y'know, now that I'm awake and all..." he trailed off, joking.

She swatted his butt as they made it to the room and said "Watch it buster, I may just take you up on that."

Chapter 36: Chapter 36

Compromise

"We need to talk." Jaye said as soon as Spencer picked up the phone.

He cleared his throat. "Is Willow alright?"

"She's fine Spencer. Why do you always sound like you expect her to grow a second head when she's with me?"

Because she's not with me, he thought, but he said aloud "I just miss her."

"Well you're getting her tomorrow, so... anyway... there's something important I need to discuss with you. You home?" she asked.

"No, at work, but if it's important I can-"

"No need. Look, I'll just meet you at your place after? Like 7ish?"

"Sure, you guys want dinner? Why don't you just bring her with you tonight and I'll cook for everybody."

"That's sweet but this isn't a social call. There's something important I need to share with you," she said.

Spencer fidgeted with the pen on his desk and said "There's something I should tell you too."

"Fine, good. See you later."

"See you." He picked up his desk phone and buzzed JJ's office.

She saw it was his extension and clicked on, purring into the phone "What are you wearing...?"

"What? You should know, you picked it out..." he said, baffled.

She sighed and shook her head a little, smiling to herself. "It's a joke, babe. You're supposed to say 'nothing'... all sexy and - ahh, never mind. What's up?"

Jaye's coming over tonight. She has something important to tell me, to tell us. Do you think I should tell her about mine and Willow's connection, yet? About Henry?" he asked her.

"Hmm, well we don't have Henry's results yet, but let's just play it by ear about Willow, okay? It's up to you of course, but if she's really agitated about something it might not be the best time to share that, y'know?"

"True. I asked if they wanted to come for dinner and she said it wasn't a social call. They're coming around 7."

"Well, okay... I wonder what it is?" she said.

"We'll see. Love you."

"Love you back."

He hung up and dialed her extension again immediately.

She hit 'answer' without looking and said "Agent Jareau..."

"What are you wearing?" he asked, his voice low.

"Spain?" Spencer repeated, shocked. "I mean, Truan that's great and I'm happy for you but what... we can't be flying back and forth to Spain every week!" He was distraught and didn't know what to say.

"Spencer, Spencer... listen... we will work out something, okay? We will!" Jaye sounded optimistic but Spencer could hear the lack of conviction in her voice. She just wanted to take Willow.

"NO! You have no idea what you're asking! You really don't... you really don't." Spencer looked in her eyes from across the table and stood up, his palm slapping the table. Willow, asleep in her crib, woke up crying and Spencer went to her, leaving the three of them in mid-idea.

Jaye noticed Willow stopped crying the second Spencer hit the doorway and she said "I'll never understand how he does it."

"You're about to." JJ said, looking over her shoulder down the hallway. "Jaye, listen to me... he was going to tell you both tonight, but he's upset now and once I share this with you, you'll understand everything."

She looked from Truan to Jaye and just spilled it. She told them all about the connection, how real it was... about how he didn't want to tell anyone at first and all the reasons behind that. How beautiful it was to see them together when they were in the middle of it, and how Henry... Henry... could feel her too.

Jaye sat back in her chair, stunned. She reached for Truan's hand and squeezed it, then got up and walked back to Willow's room, her face blank. JJ started to follow, worried, but Truan reached out and gently touched her arm.

"Agent Jareau..." he began, deliberately using her title to get her attention.

"She'll flatten him, Truan."

"No, she won't. She won't. And Doctor Reid is strong. They need to do this."

"She won't believe it, she won't believe him but it's true and I've seen it. I know him and it is as real to him as I am. As his daughter is." She looked down the hallway and then back at Truan. "Please believe me." she looked at him, her face so open and honest.

"Why wouldn't I?" he said. "It is remarkable, but there is no artifice in you, you're not any kind of a liar, JJ, and I have seen their silent rapport myself. Of course I believe it, believe you. If you say it is true...it is."

"Thank you, Truan. That means a lot." She sat back down at the table, resting her head in her hands.

Spencer and Jaye spent at least two hours in Willow's room. They finally came out, and both JJ and Truan stood up. Jaye went to Truan and let her small self be swallowed in his embrace. Spencer went to JJ and rested his hands on her hips. Her eyes sought his and she could tell he'd been crying. He smiled wearily at her and said. "We're keeping her. She stays with us."

JJ threw her arms around him and buried her face in his neck. "Spence..." was all she could say, any other words choked off by emotion.

"Willow wants to stay with him. I can't split them up." Jaye said as Truan held her face, her red eyes telling that she'd been crying too.

His heart sank. He knew he should understand... but all he could think of was how hollow and empty he'd be without her. How much he wanted to show her his country... how he needed -

"I'm going with you Truan," she said. "I'm coming with you to Spain."

Truan picked her up and spun her around, kissing her hard. Her arms wrapped around his neck as she kissed him back and she felt like she was flying, her heart coping, loving, understanding... soaring above them all.

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Eyes of the Heart

Willowy

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