Archive of Our Own ^beta

Pete is waiting in their nest. He’s waiting for Mikey to come home. The Loud Man took him a while ago. Normally Pete doesn’t let Mikey out of his sight, but the Loud Man moves fast and pinned Pete against the side of their home, and just like that Mikey was out of there.

The last thing Mikey squeaked out to him was not to eat all the treats before he got back. Pete promised he wouldn’t and he doesn’t break his promises to Mikey. He keeps them safe under the log that Food Man put in a while ago. Mikey should come back soon though if he doesn’t want them to go hard and gross.

It’s been longer than Pete thinks is normal, but Pete’s never been very good at waiting. That’s Mikey's specialty. Mikey can read the sun and the stars and tell him just how much longer until the Food Man shows up.

Pete likes the Food Man. He lets Mikey and him ride around in the burrow behind his head and look at the bright, bigger wilderness they live in. There are lots of animals that live in the bigger wilderness. There are some snakes and bunnies and also some other things that live in water all the time. They must be really thirsty.

Pete likes his and Mikey’s nest the best.

The Food Man also has fun fur. It’s lots of different colors and covers his whole body. Mikey once dared Pete to lick him and see if he tastes any different on the colored parts. He does not. He tastes like big person skin.

Food Man comes into the bigger wilderness through the frosty hole and Pete perks up. He always has Mikey! He sees Food Man talk to Loud Man, and then both of them get really loud. Pete doesn’t like the yelling, but he can’t retreat, Mikey might be there. He hops a couple of times, trying to see Mikey’s white color sticking out from Food Man’s black clothes.

Food Man comes over, which means Mikey is coming home! Pete runs up to the front of their nest and starts sniffing for Mikey. He can’t smell him but he’s probably in the head burrow.

Food Man kneels down and looks at Pete. Food Man has green eyes which Pete always thought was strange because him and Mikey both have brown eyes. He says something quietly to Pete, like he does with the dogs that come in who walk really slow and can’t see right. Pete doesn’t ever know what Food Man is saying, but sometimes his voice tells Pete not to eat that strange thing he found on the ground.

Where's Mikey! Mikey Mikey Mikey!

Pete starts jumping up to see if he can look behind Food Man’s big head. He's been left alone all day. He's getting tired and he's never fallen asleep without Mikey tucked into his side before. How is he supposed to sleep soundly without Mikey's little snores against his ear? He complains but it's soothing!

The Food Man stands. He digs another treat out of his pocket and drops it to Pete. Pete really wants to eat it, but no- he is going to save them for Mikey. He drags it to his log and stores it with the other one.

He turns back to thank the Food Man, but the Food Man is gone.

Pete curls himself up and waits.

The sun goes dark and Pete is still waiting.

He promises to not complain about the snoring again if Mikey just comes back.

Pete doesn’t sleep. He watches the door that Food Man and Loud Man left through hours ago. Mikey will be back any moment now. Pete is sure of it.

The sun comes up and Pete doesn’t know what’s happening.

Food Man comes in, and instead of disappearing into the Special Room, he comes right over to Pete and gives him another treat. Pete doesn't even want it now. Pete wants Mikey. He yips at Food Man. He doesn't want to get up.

He's picked up and for a second he thinks he's going to be taken to Mikey, but Food Man just holds him, speaking to him in that same soft tone.

He pets Pete until Pete feels his body fall asleep whether he wants to or not.

r/ferrets
u/slaughterhousefnkXXX 19 hrs ago

How do I speed up the grief process for a ferret? PLEASE HELP! NOT A TROLL!!!

Okay, this is going to sound insane but I (24M) work at a pet store and my manager (54M) who SUCKS sold half of a ferret pair the other day and now I am stuck with a depressed ferret.

We’ve had this bonded ferret pair forever. They're seriously like, codependent. I tried putting one in the hood of my jacket while I was working just to give him some enrichment and the other one started CRYING. Like, legit ferret tears. So I started toting around two useless gay ferrets while I was fucking around on the clock. They were the best coworkers I had in this joint honestly.

Anyway, my fuckass manager decided to sell ONLY ONE OF THEM when I was on my smoke break the other day and I don't know how to explain to this ferret that his husband is gone?

He's waiting for him to get back and I just, I feel like I ripped them apart. They were each other's lives man.

Now I'm worried that my boss is going to do some thing because he wants to get rid of Pete (the depressed ferret) to make way for more fucking beta fish.

I take Lexapro for depression, do you think I can let him lick it before I take it to help him? Or would that be a bad idea? Are there psychiatrists for ferrets? Please help!!!!

COMMENTS

u/ireallyloveskamusic84
Would it be possible for you to take him home? You seem like you would be a great ferret owner.
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u/slaughterhousefnkXXX
I have a dog and a cat and a dove and two turtles my pet rent is already $300 I don't know if I can afford any more

u/takingbackthursday
Why don't you call the guy and ask him to take Pete?
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u/slaughterhousefnkXXX
I have no way to contact this guy otherwise I would literally drop to my knees and give him some sloppy toppy to keep them together like I've never heard a ferret whimper before but this shit is heartbreaking and it's making me nauseous

u/guy_ripley
Have you simply considered getting a ferret who looks like the other one? They can't tell the difference.
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u/slaughterhousefnkXXX
that's insulting

Mikey is being taken away from Pete. This is one of the things that Mikey enjoys the least. To add to the insult, Mikey is ripped away from a very nice cuddle by the loud man Pete hates, who is holding him and Mikey hates being held. By the loud man that is. Normally, it’s the colorful man who feeds them picking Mikey up and he’s okay.

Mikey likes Food Man. He thinks he is very nice and he lets Mikey and Pete stay together even when they have to go far away into the Special Room where they have to eat the really gross food. And be poked.

One time Pete got something in his eye that made it smell really bad. He was so cold no matter how much fluff Mikey put on him. Food Man tried to take him to the pink room but Mikey was so scared he wasn’t going to see him again, he started wailing to go too. They spent two sleeps together in a strange gray nest. It was cold and smelled like rubber, but they were together.

Mikey laid against Pete in the slippery silver nest and counted his breaths.

You didn't have to come with me Mikey.

Wherever you go, I'm going okay? Mikey licked his cheek. Pete was Mikey’s to take care of. I'm not going to let you get rid of me that easily.

I love you. Pete nuzzled into his fur and he didn't feel as cold anymore.

The point is, Mikey hasn’t been away from Pete for this long before and he's starting to worry.

The Loud Man keeps petting him and Mikey hates it when he does that. He only wants Pete to touch him. He yells at the man to knock it off, but then it’s too tight around his ribs and he yips out.

Then something happens that Mikey didn’t know was an option. He’s being handed over to someone who smells completely new. Their hands have black on the fingertips. When Mikey licks them, it tastes bitter.

Then Mikey is being put down into a pile of soft bedding that only smells of Pete and the sun goes dark. Mikey hopes whatever this is isn’t going to take long. He can’t wait to go to bed tonight so he can complain to Pete about the injustices that are being done to him right now.

r/ferrets
u/grantmorrisonlover 8 hrs ago

Can I give my ferret depression?

Hi everyone!

I (29M) am new to ferret owning and I was just wondering about normal ferret behavior and if something is wrong with my ferret, or maybe that’s just how they are?

I recently got a ferret as an emotional support companion of sorts. My mental health has been really rough and I’ve been finding it hard to get up in the mornings. I thought having an animal to take care of would help. The problem is now I think I gave my ferret my depression.

I brought him home from the pet store where he was playing with the other ferret and he looked so happy I thought he would be a perfect little guy. Now he just lays in his cage and won’t move for hours at a time.

It seems that he essentially lays in his bed and has trouble eating, which is exactly what I do when I am depressed. So I am worried he might have somehow caught my depression?

I don’t think it’s possible for him to learn these behaviors from me because ever since I got him I’ve really been better. I’ve been getting up before 2pm and eating more than cigarettes.

I’ve been feeding him exactly as recommended and I have attached a picture so you can see my setup.

Please, if anyone has experience with this before please let me know. I just want to make sure my little guy is okay.

COMMENTS

u/ireallyloveskamusic84
Hmmm. If your ferret is new to your house, you could always try letting him explore a little bit. He might just be bored and want some enrichment! Hope this helps!
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u/slaughterhousefnkXXX
yeah or play Black Flag on ur ipod. my ferret loves Black Flag.

Pete can’t stop thinking about the worst possible reason Mikey hasn’t come back.

He keeps telling himself Mikey’s alive. He says it to himself when he manages to stomach the small amount of food the Food Man makes him eat. He says it to himself when the holier-than-thou Guinea Pigs asks him if he could be quieter. He says it to himself when the sun turns off and he’s left alone.

Pete doesn’t want to be alone anymore. Being alone is really scary. He’s never had to be alone since he met Mikey. They promised they would protect each other.

He won’t leave until Mikey comes back. He has to stay here in case Mikey is hurt. Pete has to take care of him, and Pete knows he’s not good at focusing, or paying attention, but he’ll be so good at it for Mikey. He promises the moon he’ll take care of Mikey if it just gives him back.

But the sun turns off and Mikey doesn’t sleep next to him.

Pete decides he can negotiate the terms of his bargain. If the moon just lets Pete know Mikey is okay, Pete will find a way to live a Mikeyless life. If Mikey is safe and happy without him, maybe, maybe, maybe, Pete could just hear about Mikey and his life.

He’s not in the mood to be manhandled right now. There are the small hands people who normally Pete likes to bait into picking him up before he jumps out of their sticky paws to run around the big outside area.

Today he is mourning the loss of his husband. He doesn’t want to see their giggling faces.

Don’t you fucking dare. I will come up there and chew through your fucking eyes, bitch.

The weird little gremlins seem to leave him alone after that.

The Food Man comes and tries to take his treats, Mikey’s treats, which Pete promised to keep. He snaps at the Food Man’s colorful paw and as soon as he does, a wave of guilt comes over him. The Food Man doesn’t know where Mikey is either. This isn’t his fault.

He lets the Food Man pick him up and he sits in his head burrow for the rest of the day. As an apology, Pete doesn’t even try to escape. He wouldn’t know which direction to run anyway.

r/ferrets
u/slaughterhousefnkXXX 19 hrs ago

UPDATE: How do I speed up the grief process for a ferret? PLEASE HELP! NOT A TROLL!!!

TW: Suicide, but for a ferret??

For those of you who don’t know, I work at a pet store and my asshole manager sold half of a ferret pair and now I have a depressed ferret who I think might be suicidal.

This isn’t the update I wanted to be writing. I followed a couple people’s advice and looked to see if I could find anything on the credit card transaction to see if there was a name on the card. Dude paid in cash. Great. Watch the CCTV footage to see if I could get his plates? He took a bus. Hung up flyers around the area? I’ve had several small children asking me if I knew who Ligma was.

Now I have no leads and I feel like a D tier stalker.

As for Pete, he’s not doing well and I really need some help figuring out what to do.

He won’t eat. I’ve tried giving him his favorite treats, I even snuck him some salmon I got from the sushi guy who I think is trying to get me to sell him drugs, but he just hides them away under this branch I stuck in there for them to play with. It’s been days now and some of the cubes of meat are starting to go bad, but when I try to remove them from his cage he growls and tries to bite me.

Which, no one make fun of me for being afraid of a ferret, okay. I’m not that big and I know what he’s capable of. One time I tried to give him a bath after he rolled around in dangerous chemicals and he tried to rip my nose piercing out.

I don’t know how ferret brains work but I think he’s conducting some sort of DIY Russian Sleep Experiment because every time I come into work he is still awake. He’s not sleeping and he’s hissing at children.

How do I explain to a ferret he needs to start working through his ferret feelings in a healthy manner otherwise my boss is going to dump him out back?

The worst part of this whole thing is I don’t even know who his mate went to. I don’t know if he’s safe, I don’t know if the owner is taking care of him. He could be dead for all we know. When I’m trying to calm him down enough to go to sleep I just keep telling him everything is going to be okay, but I’m lying to him. I don’t know if it will ever be okay.

They were my friends and I let them down. I've been thinking about quitting smoking because every time I go out to smoke I think about his little face and I'm not sure if I will ever see it again. That little ferret trusted me that nothing bad was going to happen to him and I don't know where he is.

The Inky Man picks Mikey up. He is really gentle as he scoops Mikey up and it reminds him of the Food Man and how his fingers would always carefully scratch Mikey’s head when they would walk around together. Pete was usually asleep in Food Man’s fur. He was never very good at sleeping when the sun was gone. Mikey always has to put his head over Pete’s to wind him down enough to sleep.

Mikey hopes Pete knows what’s going on. He hopes more than anything, then knowing where he is, then going home soon, that Pete is sleeping okay.

The Inky Man gives Mikey a few pets. They are very light and Mikey thinks that the Inky Man might be afraid of Mikey, which is funny to Mikey because the Inky Man is so large anyway. He sets Mikey down on hard ground and Mikey starts sniffing. Everything here smells different and weird. The ground cracks beneath his feet, nothing is soft like his burrow. He takes a few steps. He will be picked up soon and put back but he figures he should look around. The Inky Man doesn’t pick him up though.

Mikey takes a few more. The Inky Man just stands there.

As much as he likes the Inky Man, Mikey looks at the hole. If he can get through that hole, he might be able to find his way back home. He can’t be very far. The Inky Man is nice, but Mikey has to go home now.

Mikey takes a deep breath, then he runs.

He runs through the hole and out into a new place. He sniffs and sniffs. There is nothing familiar here in sight nor smell, but Mikey’s strong. He isn’t giving up.

There are so many paths to choose from and Mikey knows he has to make sure he leaves none of them unturned. When one doesn’t give him the way home, he runs to the next one, and the next one, and the next one. This den is much bigger than Mikey thought.

Mikey faintly notices that the Inky Man is behind him making quite a lot of strange noises, but Mikey doesn’t have time to worry about him right now. He needs to be home for dinner.

There is a large soft thing that Mikey thinks he can climb. He manages to get a top it, and when he does he stops to smell… Pete? It’s Pete. He’s faint but he’s there.

Mikey throws himself to the hard clickity surface and runs as fast as he can. He jumps over colorful objects and slippery pieces of paper, and hears loud crashing behind him.

It’s coming from right inside this box! Mikey just needs to get inside!

Pete!
Pete!
I’m here.

This is so hard to get into. It wants to keep Mikey out. He rips with his teeth until he tastes the strange metallic taste in his mouth.

He feels it give way under him and Mikey tumbles down into the box.

Pete?

Mikey looks around. It’s the container he was put in so many sleeps ago. There’s nothing but the remnants of home he was brought here in, stale with Pete’s scent and fading fast out the open rip Mikey put into it.

Mikey collapses into the soft bed and wails. He wails until he can't anymore and then just lays there trying to figure out how to breathe.

He's lost. Mikey is lost and he just wants to go home.

The Inky Man eventually picks him up. Mikey doesn't fight. It doesn't matter. Pete's not here. Wherever here is.

Mikey thinks about the rabbits, Steve and Tracy who Tracy left one day with a small girl and never came back. Steve waited by the glass day after day for her to return. They would watch him, unmoving from his post as he watched the door she left through even when the sun was gone.

After thirty sleeps Mikey eventually couldn't watch anymore.

Tracy never came back.

He remembers what Pete said to him, that night twisted into Mikey's fur.
That's worse then death.

Mikey closes his eyes, balls into the corner and tries to pretend the fluff has the same heat as Pete.

r/ferrets
u/grantmorrisonlover 8 hrs ago

Can ferrets cry?

Hello everyone,

In my last post I saw some people saying that his lethargic attitude was because he wasn’t getting enough stimulation or that he was bored somehow, so I thought he might like exploring my house on his own.

He tore around my house in ways that I have only ever seen broadcast on the Olympics. I had to chase him all over the place and, my dear friends, I am not in that good of shape. I am soft in lots of parts of my body. I live in a Victorian style home and there are some nooks of this house I have never seen before that he weaseled (or should I say ferret’d?) his little body into.

From what I gathered was that he was smelling the whole place down. He would tear into a room sniffing around and then run out to the next one and repeat the process. It wasn’t like he was sniffing specific things, it was more like he was just doing an overall general sniff and then moving on.

He managed to get outside, (which next time I will be WAY more cautious about ferret-proofing my place), but he got into the trash and found the box he came in. What I am worried about was when he found it, he laid down in the fluff and went immobile again. I thought he maybe just tired himself out, but then he started letting out the noises that I can only describe as crying.

It was painful little wails and sobs and was the most heartbreaking thing I've ever heard. I tried to pick him up out of the box and he started crying more.

Right now, I just put the box inside my room on the floor and he hasn't moved from the spot there.

Should I take him to a vet? I’m worried he might have a brain tumor or something serious.

Am I a bad ferret owner?

COMMENTS

u/ireallyloveskamusic84
I've been reading your posts and it sounds like you care a lot and are a caring pet owner. I don’t think this is something you’re doing. I might suggest taking him to the vet to see if anything is wrong. Best of luck and keep us posted!

u/slaughterhousefnkXXX
yo okay NOT a vet but your ferret just might be lonely. have you tried putting a little ferret hang out sesh together? ferrets love to be with other ferrets and sometimes they even get like, ferret married. he just might be sad and lonely and single… like a white woman in a 2000s rom com.
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u/grantmorrisonlover
I didn’t think of that. I guess you could call me a bit of a recluse. It didn’t even come into my mind that he might be lonely. Wow. I feel so stupid.

The Inky Man sets him down. Wherever they are is loud, and bright, and filled with so many other ferrets and Mikey hates it. Everyone is screaming and yelling and Mikey feels like his brain is going to explode. He tries to crawl down the Inky man’s thick black skin, to hide away there, but he is unfairly pulled out and set down among the chatter. Luckily there seem to be thin white bars separating everyone.

Whoever is next to him is also quiet; keeping to themselves instead of jumping and shouting around like everyone else. Mikey looks over and sees that he is stationed next to a child. The boy next to him is so young. Mikey is surprised his eyes are even open. He can’t be older than Mikey was when he met Pete.

Where is your mother?

The boy turns and looks at him.

How the fuck should I know?

Mikey fears maybe this is not a good place. Who is separating mothers from their children like this? Also, okay. Very bold child.

His coat is long and very fluffy, fluffier than Mikey has seen and certainly more glossy than anyone around here. Mikey could probably say he’s beautiful. Unfortunately, he is more into guys who eat random brightly colored packages while being yelled at. The heart wants what the heart wants.

You’re new, the kid says and his voice indicates he doesn’t care about Mikey much, Are you competing in anything?

No. Competing for what? Food? Attention? Mikey doesn’t want to pressure this child but it seems he knows a lot more than Mikey does. Have you seen my Pete? He’s small. Lots of black around the eyes.

Nah, no one here named Pete. The child says, not sounding very concerned for the lack of Mikey’s other half. Everyone here’s an asshole anyway.

Everyone’s screaming and from what Mikey picks up, loudly comparing themselves to everyone else. Mikey does not want to be here.

Who’s Pete? The kid asks. He does the thing Pete does when he’s trying not to look like he’s interested by making his words all light and airy.

He takes care of me. I sleep next to him at night and he makes sure I’m comfortable. We live together and he always gives me the best food because he says I’m too skinny. Mikey tells him. I have no idea where he is.

The kid has moved to sit as close as he can get to Mikey, which is still very far away. You must be lucky.

Mikey glares at him. How is this lucky?

To have known love like that, the child says, I was born in this cage and I’m going to die here. And the whole time in between I know I’m going to be alone.

The Inky man returns and Mikey knows he’s going to be scooped up any second.

I hope you find someone to sleep next to.

The kid smiles at him, I hope yours returns to you.

Mikey feels bad he didn’t even get the kids name.

r/ferrets
u/grantmorrisonlover 13 hrs ago

Is there any way for my ferret to make friends without me having to talk to people?

I’ve been trying to treat my ferret's depression and some lovely individual suggested that he may just need a friend.

Which…yeah, I didn’t consider that.

I took him to this ferret/small animal meet up thing that I found on the internet. I didn’t know it was like a show? Apparently competitive ferrets are a thing? Anyway, it seemed like he wasn’t a huge fan of crowds. The good news is he started talking? I think? With one of the other ferrets there. He at least wasn’t making his sad crying noises anymore.

So yeah, it turns out that my ferret maybe just needs someone to talk to.

I go up and introduce myself to the guy who owns the ferret he’s chatting with because I don’t have kids. I don’t know how this works, but maybe we can set up a playdate or something. My ferret child is depressed, and I was willing to socialize to make him happy.

But this motherfucker was a total asshole. Like a complete and total jerk. He started asking me how many RIBBONS I had? And then started talking about 4H? What the fuck is 4H? Sounded fucking British too.

Long story short, I was wondering if there were any ferret groups or something floating around anyone could recommend.

--------- Today ---------
slaughterhousefnkXXX 12:19 PM
hey ur the guy trying to get a companion for ur depressed af ferret right?

grantmorrisonlover 12:20 PM
Yeah, that’s me.

slaughterhousefnkXXX 12:19 PM
sick. would u b interested in adopting a ferret???

grantmorrisonlover 12:20 PM
I don’t know if I should get another one, especially since I fucked the first one up so bad. I feel so terrible about everything.

slaughterhousefnkXXX 12:20 PM
dude, do NOT sweat it. ur doing great. you’re such a caring person and seem so sweet. like, ur posts are so cute. I’m seriously sorry about ur ferret tho.

grantmorrisonlover 12:20 PM
Thank you. That means a lot.

slaughterhousefnkXXX 12:21 PM
what area are you from - the east coast at all?

grantmorrisonlover 12:23 PM
I’m from Jersey.

slaughterhousefnkXXX 12:24 PM
yo i can give you a ferret for free!!!!

grantmorrisonlover 12:24 PM
Really?

slaughterhousefnkXXX 12:27 PM
yes! you would actually be doing me a huge favor. my boss has been trying to pawn him off to hot moms and ive had to rescue him from several small children trying to squeeze him like a stress toy or jack him like a really bad dildo or something.
Where in jersey?

grantmorrisonlover 12:28 PM
I’m right outside of Newark. I can take the commuter to meet you.

slaughterhousefnkXXX 12:29 PM
no fucking way!! I live right there as well!!! i can come over like on friday? ill bring him.

grantmorrisonlover 12:28 PM
Thank you. Oh my god, thank you so much. I don’t know a lot about raising ferrets. I feel like I’m totally failing, you know. I just want him to be happy but I think I really did give him my depression. I didn’t mean to fuck up this poor ferret’s life.

slaughterhousefnkXXX 12:19 PM
I promise you that you are doing better than you think you are. plus, I can stick around and show you what ferrets like if you want.

grantmorrisonlover 12:28 PM
Would you? That would be amazing. Thank you so much.

slaughterhousefnkXXX 12:28 PM
no problem

grantmorrisonlover 12:30 PM
I can buy you coffee?

grantmorrisonlover 12:32 PM
Like, as a thank you!!! Not for any other reason just, thank you for everything and all your advice.

slaughterhousefnkXXX 12:32 PM
oh yeah. sorry. I was dealing with my fuck ass manager. of course! sounds good

grantmorrisonlover 12:34 PM
Excellent! I like your concert photos by the way. Not stalking, I swear. You look good playing the guitar.

Pete’s going crazy. He’s losing his mind. His life is spinning out of control. When he sleeps he dreams of Mikey.

It’s so real. He’s laying there, and it’s like every day he squandered for not knowing they were limited. The sun is shining and Mikey and him were playing some stupid game Pete came up with. He can feel Mikey’s wet nose against his when he wins.

When he wakes up, alone and cold, it’s like he’s been bitten through the neck.

He decides he’s just going to stop sleeping. It’s easier for Pete anyway. The Loud man is always around now. He’s so loud and Pete hates him. He fucking killed Mikey. He killed the best person in this world and it should have been Pete. Pete loathes him. He hopes the Loud man dies.

The next time the Loud man sticks his hand in, Pete bites down as hard as he can.

He’s thrown to the side, but he holds on. Through the air he flies, jerked around until he can’t hold on any longer. He lets go and tumbles to the slick white floor in the Greater Wilderness. He hits the ground with a thud and is slightly dazed.

Pete has some of the Loud man's flesh in his mouth and he can feel the stickiness of his blood on his fur.

There's screaming all around him. He thinks he sees the Food Man run out from behind the tanks of water.

He’s being grabbed so hard he can’t breathe. Pete looks to his nest but they’re going in the opposite direction, towards where Food Man appears each morning.

It’s so bright suddenly Pete can’t see for a second. There’s a loud commotion and Pete is thrown into a large smelly bin. He doesn’t have any time to take in where he is before there’s a loud clang and everything goes dark.

--------- Today ---------
slaughterhousefnkXXX 2:10 PM
hey I just wanted to see if you were for real about taking that ferret

grantmorrisonlover 2:11 PM
Hey! Yeah, I really am. Thank you again. For the offer of the ferret and then for offering to help. You’re seriously a life saver. Are we still on for tomorrow?

slaughterhousefnkXXX 2:11 PM
Well he's currently in my car right now because my manager literally threw him away so whenever is chill for you honestly

grantmorrisonlover 2:11 PM
Oh my god what the fuck? Like tried to dump him?

slaughterhousefnkXXX 2:11 PM
No he literally threw him in the dumpster out back

grantmorrisonlover 2:12 PM
Fuck okay well, I work from home so do you just want to come over now?

slaughterhousefnkXXX 2:12 PM
sick! that would be perf. thx so much.

grantmorrisonlover 2:13 PM
No problem, seriously. I'm just here inking some pages.

slaughterhousefnkXXX 2:13 PM
pages?

grantmorrisonlover 2:14 PM
I write comics.
Not like…
Famous comics
Like horror ones, mainly. Also sometimes action type deal? They’re not like a big thing. I just got maybe a deal with Image but, I don’t know if anything will actually happen.

slaughterhousefnkXXX 2:15 PM
whoa dude. that’s seriously fucking cool. i saw some of ur drawings on ur account. You’re like…good good. remember me when ur famous okay? the username makes a lot of sense now I thought morrison might be a Doors reference.

grantmorrisonlover 2:15 PM
No, haha. Just a huge fanboy, but I love the rock scene. I always kinda wanted to start a band but I can’t play for shit. I’m a huge Misfits fan. Is yours a Vonnegut reference?

slaughterhousefnkXXX 2:16 PM
shut the fuck up i love the misfits. also vonnegut. way 2 my heart is through literature. but its actually based on this totally crazy movie, slaughterhouse rock, have you seen it???

grantmorrisonlover 2:16 PM
No, I can’t say that I have.

slaughterhousefnkXXX 2:16 PM
fuck you've GOT to watch it… i can bring it over sometime if you want

grantmorrisonlover 2:18 PM
Yeah. That would be really cool actually. Thank you.

slaughterhousefnkXXX 2:18 PM
sick!!! okay!!! Imma start driving. I should be there in about ten.

grantmorrisonlover 2:18 PM
Great!

slaughterhousefnkXXX 2:19 PM
also I'm frank by the way, what was your name?

grantmorrisonlover 2:19 PM
Gerard. It's really nice to meet you, Frank.

Pete’s sitting in the dark. He's tried to climb, but the walls are really slippery. He’s sitting in the dark and it kinda smells. Is he dead? Is this death?

The sky opens up and Pete looks up to see the soft face of the Food Man looking down at him. He says something before trying to reach down to Pete. He can’t quite make it, his arms to far out of reach

Pete just doesn’t care anymore. Mikey’s dead or gone or somewhere so far away he will never lay next to Pete and let Pete lick all his hair back into place.

Maybe one day he will forget how Mikey smelled, but it isn’t today.

Pete is interrupted by the Food Man talking to him. He wants Pete to jump up to him. That seems like a lot of work, but the longer he stays here the more he’s worried he will end up smelling like this strange place and then he really won’t have anything left to remember Mikey by.

Pete jumps up and grabs onto the black outer skin on his arms. He holds on and Food Man lifts them out.

He seems to be reassuring Pete he’s okay, so Pete crawls into his hands willingly.

His friend carries him close to his chest and Pete can actually hear the thrumming of his body. It beats against his ear and Pete didn’t know Food Man also had a heart. Maybe that's why he's so kind.

They go to a small space that smells sort of like how Food Man’s fingers do after he goes outside. Loud music starts playing suddenly, and Pete jumps at the noise. Food Man apologizes, and turns it down. He sets Pete on the gray spot next to him and begins clicking away at something in his hand. Pete curls up and waits. He's used to waiting.

Food Man smiles and pets Pete. He seems happier than before.

The ground starts to rumble under him and Pete can feel the world pushing him into the ground. It’s a weird feeling he has never experienced before. He watches as the clouds move fast past them. Mikey always wanted to look at the stars.

Sometimes Pete would boost him up so he could see out the window in the front to look at them.

He wonders if Mikey is a star now.

The Inky man picks Mikey up muttering small words. His voice is so light and airy it reminds Mikey of the mice that would squeak out to him as they passed by.

His face is flushed and his heart is beating a little faster. Mikey gives him a lick to see if something is wrong. Mikey’s been distracted by the pain in his chest where Pete used to live. He feels bad for not noticing that the Inky man might not be okay.

He gets a few pets when suddenly there is a long winded chime throughout the room. Mikey is placed down on top of the black and white pages the man stares at all day as he scurries off to leave Mikey alone.

Mikey waits but eventually he wants to know what was so important he had to be abandoned for, and hops down onto the clickety-clack ground.

As soon as he hits the floor - that’s when he’s tackled into his back.

The ground stops moving beneath Pete. Everything gets a lot quieter as the Food Man picks him up and tucks him into his chest. Pete pokes his head out to see where they are. They are not near their nest anymore, Pete knows that much. He has never seen any of this before.

Food Man walks up to a really big brown thing that has plants all over it. He hits it and chimes start up from somewhere far away.

Another person appears. Pete feels the Food Man’s heart increase and his cheeks get warm. Pete worries he is getting sick. If he gets sick Pete will not be able to feed the man. He does not know what he eats.

They go into the very large box together. The room is much darker than their old nest. It is large too.

He sniffs around. There's no scent of any other animals, except for all of the old dog scent clinging to the Food Man.

Is Pete being abandoned? Is he leaving just like the rabbits did and Mikey did and he's never going back home and he didn't prepare and is he going to forget how Mikey smells?

He sniffs again. The new strange man, who seems to be very interested in what the Food Man is saying, smells sort of like ink, dirt and…

Pete sniffs and, it can't be-

Mikey?

He explodes out of the Food Man’s grip. The landing is harder than he expected, but he’s following the faint trail back home. The floor clicks under his feet loudly but he doesn’t need to hear. He only needs to breathe to know the way to go.

Mikey! Mikey, Mikey Mikey!

He tumbles into a room and there, alive and fresh and filling his lungs is Mikey.

Pete screams his name and throws himself into Mikey’s arms. He tackles him, tumbling across the floor and toppling into a pile of soft things on the ground. He rolls himself all over Mikey. He wants them to smell so similar they can't tell the difference.

Pete? Pete. PETE!

Mikey cries and burrows as deep as he can into Pete’s fur. They twist together into a knot, tied to tightly together Pete forgets what he looks like. Pete can finally feel Mikey around him again. He’s alive and warm and soft and where he's supposed to be. Pete doesn't know where they are but they're together.

The stranger comes in, but Pete is not letting go. He isn’t letting go for a long, long, time. Pete is back home. He has his whole world in his arms right now. The Food Man reaches for them, as if he is daring to think about removing Pete from Mikey right now. He snaps and hisses at him.

The Food Man retreats. The stranger doesn't even try to come closer. Pete likes him already.

I missed you I missed you I missed you, Pete whispers to Mikey.

I love you I love you I love you, he replies. He presses his nose against Mikey's.

I never thought I would see you again, Mikey wimpers.

I'm here, I’m right here.

He's going to sleep soundly tonight.

r/ferrets
u/slaughterhousefnkXXX 2 days ago

UPDATE: UPDATE: How do I speed up the grief process for a ferret? PLEASE HELP! NOT A TROLL!!!

MY DUDES WE DID IT!!! WE REUNITED THE GAY FERRETS!!!

LOVE IS LOVE BITCH!!!

AND FUCK YOU RONNIE! I FUCKING QUIT AND I’M TAKING THE GAY FERRETS WITH ME!!!

edit: yeah yeah fucking pet tax.

anyways check out u/grantmorrisonlover for more deets

r/ferrets
u/grantmorrisonlover 2 days ago

My Depressed Ferret Was Actually Just Gay

Hello everyone,

It’s been a while and some people have been messaging me about my depressed ferret and following up about him needing a friend. I want to thank everyone who offered to have a meet up so Mikey could feel better. Everyone has been so sweet and kind.

This is an insane update to make, but it turns out that he was in mourning. My ferret was grieving his husband because when I adopted him, they had accidently been separated. But through a series of insane luck! It turns out I found his boyfriend? mate? ferret husband?

Whatever they are, they have been reunited and Mikey has been happier than ever. He’s eating again and getting into all kinds of mischief with his little soulmate. The guy from the pet store where Mikey was from, brought over everything two weirdly codependent gay ferrets could want.

I think the only lasting damage is that they can’t be separated. I can finally pick them up but you do have to pick Pete up and then Mikey, otherwise Pete will try to bite you or jump into your hand anyways. I never thought I would third wheel in my own bedroom, but alas, my ferret got a boyfriend before I did.

I didn’t know about the pet tax last time I was posting, so I didn’t post any photos of Mikey, but I made them an Instagram so you guys can all see them!

Their nest is a lot nicer now. They both agree they like it a lot better and will not be going back to wherever it was they were before.

The Food Man gives them new things to eat as well. It tastes better and Mikey’s fur stopped having that strange discoloration. It took Pete some time to warm up to the Inky guy. Mikey loves him. He has a funny way of talking and Mikey will lay on his chest when he’s crying until he stops.

They let the both of them wander around whenever they want which is a lot of fun. Pete likes to invent games for him and Mikey to play and then Mikey will drag him by the neck to watch the leaves as they fall to the ground.

They see a lot of new things and meet a lot of new people. They must be related to the Food Man because they have the same color skin that he does. Pete licks all of them and none of them taste any different. Mikey likes to burrow himself into the fluffy hair of one man and poke his head out to receive treats.

At night, they snuggle close to each other and Mikey is so grateful for his family, even if two of them are very big. Pete will close his eyes and listen to Mikey’s breathing even out, allowing his to do the same.

They both sleep soundly through the night.

r/ferrets
u/guy_ripley 2 yrs ago

My prized winning ferret is being ASSAULTED by a RAT???

Salutations faithful Redditors!!!

I come to you with the most DREADFUL news. As everyone I am sure is aware, I am the proud manager of my beautiful princess William. You might have seen us at the American Ferret Association Stage and Coat Competition, the National Ferret Championship Race and Brew Fest, the Really, Really, Ridiculously Good Looking Ferret Event, and many local 4-H meetups which I am required to attend.

William is my jewel. My whole life has been dedicated to him and giving him the best possible opportunities to be the star I know he was BORN to be! His shampoo cost alone could put a lesser manager out of house and home! But nothing but the best for my William.

Most recently, my beautiful William hasn’t been himself. I am sure he caught something from one of those terrible common ferrets he was exposed to at that dastardly event we went to in New Jersey.

I shutter thinking about it.

He has been in such a fowl mood I feared something TERRIBLE was occurring. It was a good thing I was checking on him more than usual, for as I came into his room the other night, there was a DIRTY RAT BLEEDING ALL OVER MY WILLIAM!!! It was the largest rat I have ever seen. It was larger than William. My William, bless his heart, was licking this rat’s wounds. He had even allowed this disease ridden thing to eat his Vitamin B enriched salmon bites!!!

I admit I did shriek at the sight of it, but managed to grab my commemorative Princess Diana 10th Anniversary Death Day plates and chase him out by throwing them in his vague direction.

The whole event is dastardly traumatic. I thought about moving William dear into my own accommodations, except he has quite a large amount of accoutrement. I instead installed a baby monitor to make sure nothing happened to my poor baby.

Last night, there was a strange noise and I went boldly to investigate.

I walked in and the rat was CONSUMMATING THE RELATIONSHIP IF YOU GET WHAT I MEAN!!!!

My beautiful William has been TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF by some STREET RAT….. LITERALLY. I don’t remember what happened after, as I seem to have fainted from the sight. When I awoke in the morning, the rat had fled the scene and my William was gazing out the window.

UPDATE: Hello loyal followers. I have the breaking news that it turns out that the evil rat trying to deflower my beautiful William was NOT a rat, but ANOTHER ferret. I chased him into the bathtub with a spray bottle of Windex and tried to drown it, but it washed away whatever street urchin grime had been accumulating for who knows how long. A WILD ferret loose on the streets!!!

There was a beautiful black ferret hiding underneath. Delicious! Why, dear fans, while William will always be the shining star, I think this must be the universe rewarding me for being such a lovely and caring ferret owner. I shall have another star pupil to train!

UPDATE: My ferrets eloped.

If you have any information on where they are please refer to my reward posters.