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When Ryunosuke asked to talk to them privately in his bedroom, Gaku worried something bad had happened. The clear nervousness of his partner didn’t help, and soon made Gaku feel anxious as well.
Before he could say anything, however, Tenn broke the heavy silence with a careful voice. “Ryu… Is there something you want to say?”
His question made Ryunosuke close his eyes briefly, taking a deep breath. He then looked at the other two, a hint of determination in his eyes.
“I wasn’t planning to tell you this,” he said. “But it doesn’t feel right to keep hiding it… Especially now that we are living together.”
“Is something wrong?” asked Gaku.
“No.” Ryunosuke paused, suddenly unsure. “I think not… I hope so.”
“Try to calm down,” said Tenn. “We’ll hear it, whatever it is.”
“That’s right.” Gaku offered him an encouraging smile. “No matter the problem, we can face it.”
Their words seemed to help Ryunosuke relax a little. “You guys…” He couldn’t hold back a slight smile. “Alright. I’ll just… say it, then.”
Gaku and Tenn looked at him, waiting for whatever was about to come. The few seconds before Ryunosuke finally gathered his courage seemed to last a long time, but still, they waited. And, finally, Ryunosuke spoke in a soft, but serious voice.
“What I want to say is, I love you. I love you two.” He lowered his eyes, a shadow of guilt in his face. “I’m sorry… I wish I didn’t feel like this.”
Gaku’s heart jumped. Love? By love, did he mean…? He was still struggling to understand the meaning of those words when, beside him, Tenn took a step toward Ryunosuke.
“That’s a relief,” he said. “Actually, I feel the same way.”
Both Ryunosuke and Gaku stared at him, wide-eyed.
“Really…?” asked Ryunosuke.
Tenn nodded. “I just never planned to let you know. I thought it would make things strange between us. But it’s true that I love you both as well.”
Ryunosuke blinked, seeming lost. “I… I can’t believe it.”
Tenn smiled in response, then turned his gaze to Gaku. “Gaku… Does it bother you?”
As the thoughts started to fall into place in his mind, Gaku shook his head. “No. It may be different, but… I love you too, as my closest friends.”
Gaku felt like he said the wrong thing as soon as those words left his mouth. And yet, instead of sad or disappointed, Ryunosuke and Tenn seemed relieved to hear his response.
“Of course…” Tenn showed a slight smile. “I’m sorry for doubting you.”
“I hope things won’t change between us,” said Ryunosuke.
“They won’t.” Gaku approached them, placing his hands on their shoulders. “You guys will always be my partners. And I’m happy to know I’m so important to you.”
Tenn narrowed his eyes at him. “Just don’t get too full of yourself…”
Before Gaku could retort, Ryunosuke pulled them both close into a tight hug that took him by surprise.
“I’m so glad I could finally say it…” he said. “I was feeling so guilty for hiding it.”
“You don’t have to hide anything from us,” said Tenn.
“I know…”
Ryunosuke’s words were interrupted by low sobs.
“Hey…” said Gaku. “Are you crying?”
“Sorry… I’m just so relieved.”
“Stop it, Ryu…” said Gaku. “If you do that, you’ll make me cry too.”
Tenn chuckled. “You two are so pathetic…”
“Shut up,” said Gaku.
Ah, things really hadn’t changed, had they? The proximity, the playful provocations… The three of them were still the same, their bond as deep as it had always been.
Yet, the feeling in Gaku’s chest was slightly bittersweet, though he couldn’t say for sure why.
Ryunosuke and Tenn started to date after that. Nothing official, of course… Keeping such things a secret was part of their job as idols, after all. But they still let the ones closest to them know. Kaoru told them to be careful with how they acted in public, but, other than that, was nothing but supportive of their relationship. Ryunosuke told Momo and Mitsuki, who were obnoxiously happy, and seemed about to throw a party to celebrate—which Tenn promptly refused. As for Tenn, he would never admit it, but Gaku could notice the faint smile on his lips after he talked to Riku on the phone one day.
They were happy… Just a glance was enough to know that much. And Gaku was happy for them too, of course. Still… His impression that things hadn’t changed slowly crumbled with each passing day.
Not that anything was wrong, or that his partners treated him any differently. But as Ryunosuke and Tenn got closer, part of Gaku couldn’t help but feel like he was being left behind. And it was always the smallest things that got to him, like the fond gazes, brief touches, and low whispers they shared, unaware of Gaku’s attention.
Gaku tried not to think about it and focus on his work. With TRIGGER growing once again as a group, new jobs started to pop up, and their free time became rarer. None of them would complain about it, though—besides, it only made the little time they had for themselves feel more precious. That late afternoon, as they finally came back to their place after a busy day, all Gaku wanted was some peaceful time with his closest friends.
“We should go somewhere after this,” he suggested. “What do you think?”
Ryunosuke and Tenn’s smiles faded a little.
“Sorry, Gaku,” said Tenn. “But we already have plans for tonight.”
Something seemed to deflate inside Gaku. “Ah… of course.”
“But we can go somewhere together on our next day off!” Ryunosuke quickly added. “We’ll even let you choose the place.”
“Yes,” said Tenn. “As long as you don’t choose somewhere boring or annoying.”
They did sound sorry, but that was of little comfort to Gaku. So, instead of looking disappointed, he forced a smile.
“Sounds like a plan,” he said. “You guys have fun, then!”
The other two agreed, and a while later left the apartment together. Gaku stayed in the living room, failing to ignore the ache in his chest. Those two were dating, so it was just natural that they would want some time only for themselves. So, why did it bother him so much?
That made no sense… Ryunosuke and Tenn were the first ones to say they didn’t want their friendship to end, so why was Gaku that restless? He should be happy for them… All he wanted was to truly be happy for them, and yet…
That was the thing, wasn’t it? Gaku was happy when it was the three of them. They were still united as TRIGGER, but… Now, they were also a happy couple and their jealous companion.
Jealousy? Really? He couldn’t be jealous, could he? And, if he was, of who? Tenn? Ryunosuke? The two of them? And… Why? Did he resent them for being together? For being together without him?
That thought seemed to freeze his blood. No… It wasn’t like that… They were his friends, and he just needed some time to get used to their relationship.
That’s all it is… isn’t it…?
He wasn’t so sure. Hell, he wasn’t sure of anything anymore… He thought he was in love with Tsumugi. She was so cute and nice… Gaku liked her at first sight, and only liked her more as they got to know each other better. When he made that choice to keep a distance between them, it hurt. When she stopped calling him Gaku and instead referred to him as Yaotome, it hurt. Whenever he thought about how they would never be together, no matter how much he wished they could… it all really, really hurt.
What had changed since then? He closed his eyes, thinking of Tsumugi’s smiling face. He couldn’t deny he still felt some fondness for her, but…
He placed a hand on his chest, slightly surprised: it wasn’t painful anymore. When did that change happen? He tried not to think about her most of the time, so he couldn’t tell.
Gaku shifted his thoughts back to Ryunosuke and Tenn, and a deep ache followed it. It wasn’t an unfamiliar feeling, like a bittersweet longing for something out of his reach—like what he felt after choosing to distance himself from Tsumugi.
Part of him knew what it meant, but all the rest fought to look away and ignore the truth a while longer. He had his chance, and he missed it. Ryunosuke and Tenn were happy together, and he wasn’t about to ruin that for them because of something he could barely understand.
And yet, that ache in his chest lingered for a long time, until he finally managed to fall asleep.
A few weeks passed, and Gaku tried his best to keep those thoughts out of his mind. It didn’t always work, but most of the time he managed to focus on his work above anything else.
Gaku would be a guest on Re:vale’s TV show that night. Despite all the things he secretly carried in his chest, he talked and smiled the entire time, as the leader of TRIGGER should. Re:vale helped a lot too: while Gaku was with that lively duo, it was hard to think about anything else.
Once the show was over, Gaku returned to the dressing room. A few minutes later, there was a knock on his door, and Re:vale came inside.
“Good work today!” said Momo with a bright smile.
Gaku returned the smile. “You too.”
“We had a fun evening, thanks to you,” Momo continued. “Your fans were so excited to see you… It’s good to see TRIGGER coming back so quickly.”
“It sure is,” Yuki agreed. “Not that we ever doubted you.”
“And it’s good to be live on TV again,” said Gaku. “But this is just the beginning. TRIGGER is stronger than ever now, so nothing can stop us.”
Both members of Re:vale seemed pleased with that answer.
“We need to be careful, Momo…” said Yuki in a playful tone. “The young ones might try to steal our place.”
“So scary!” Momo laughed. “Isn’t the competition fun, though?”
“Just make sure not to lower your guard,” Gaku answered in a similar tone. “We’re aiming for the top.”
“That’s the spirit.” Momo patted his arm. “By the way, how are the other two? It’s a shame they couldn’t come with you… You must be lonely without them.”
“Just like I am without Momo,” added Yuki.
“Aww, darling! You’ll make me blush!”
Yuki sighed, looking away. “Good, because that was embarrassing to say.”
That had been an innocent question, but it made Gaku’s heart sting. Gaku observed them, and suddenly their usual affection made him feel a little strange.
“You two really are inseparable, aren’t you?” he asked.
“Of course!” said Momo.
“We are partners, after all.”
Gaku lowered his eyes, a bitter smile taking his lips. “I’m a little jealous, to be honest.”
His words seemed to surprise that duo.
“Why, though?” asked Momo. “You three are pretty close too, right?”
Yuki nodded. “It’s rare to see one of you without the other two.”
“It’s… not that uncommon anymore.”
Those words escaped Gaku’s lips before he could hold them back. They earned him some confused looks.
“What?” said Momo.
“Ah…” Gaku looked away. “Nothing. I just thought out loud.”
Momo and Yuki didn’t speak for a while, looking at Gaku, who hoped they would just laugh it off and change the subject. Instead, Momo moved closer, placing a hand on his shoulder.
“Gaku…” he said, unusually serious. “Is something wrong?”
“No, everything is fine.”
“Are you sure?” asked Yuki. “You seemed pretty gloomy just now.”
Of course those two would notice it… He should have been more careful.
“Sorry,” said Gaku, “I just spaced out.”
“Is that so?” Yuki didn’t sound convinced.
Momo let out a small sigh, then lightly squeezed his shoulder. “Just let us know if you need something, okay? You know you can count on us.”
The way they talked to him, with so much concern and care, made it difficult for Gaku to keep all those feelings to himself. He wanted so badly to talk to someone about it, and there they were, two people who had already done so much for him and his group. With that in mind, Gaku looked at them.
“If it’s really fine with you… Can I talk to you for a minute?”
Those two smiled in response. They sat on the couch with Gaku in the middle, something that kind of made him feel like a child again, being comforted by his mother and grandparents when something was bothering him.
“So…” said Momo. “What’s bothering you?”
“I’m not sure…” Gaku hesitated. “I feel like I’m just complicating things.”
“If you don’t tell us about it, we won’t be able to help you,” said Yuki.
He was right, of course. Gaku took a deep breath, gathering his courage to touch that subject.
“It’s Ryu and Tenn.”
Somehow, those two didn’t seem surprised by the response.
“Did something happen to them?” asked Momo.
“No,” Gaku admitted. “They’re happier than I’ve ever seen them before. I know that shouldn’t be a problem, but…”
He struggled to put those feelings into words.
“But?” Momo encouraged him.
There was no going back now, so Gaku finally let those feelings out of his chest.
“Truth is, the day they confessed their love for each other, they said they loved me too. And I said what I felt for them was different. That I do love them, as my closest friends.”
“I see,” said Momo.
“But things have changed since they started going out,” said Gaku. “It’s not like they’re treating me any different, and they’re doing everything they can to be considerate of me, but I still feel like I’m being left out of something important. I mean, of course I am… I knew things would change when they started dating, but I didn’t realize that it… That it would bother me so much to see them together without me. It hurts to even think about them, and I don’t know what to do about it.”
There was a moment of silence after he stopped talking. Then, Yuki let out a brief sigh.
“Gaku, you’re obviously—”
“Darling, wait!” Momo quickly interrupted him. “Let me do the talking this time, alright?”
Yuki shrugged. “Sure.”
Momo placed a hand on Gaku’s back, looking at him. “Gaku… Let’s leave everything else aside for a moment, okay? How do you feel about Ryu and Tenn?”
The answer was obvious to Gaku. “They’re important to me. More than anything else.”
“Can you tell me more about how you feel, though?”
“I don’t know what else to say.”
“Just tell me what comes to your mind when you think about them.”
“Well…” Gaku thought for a moment. “They’re my partners. I’d trust them with my life if I had to.”
“Go on.”
“I love singing with them…” Gaku couldn’t hold back a slight smile. “Actually, I love everything we do together. I want to be with them all the time, and I miss them when they’re not around. When one of them is sad or worried, I can’t stop thinking about it… I’m not as reliable as Ryu, or as confident as Tenn, but I want them to talk to me when something is wrong.” He lowered his eyes. “And… When I see them together without me… I wish I could be happy for them, but I can’t.”
Momo nodded. “You know you probably like them as more than your close friends, right?
“But it makes no sense…” Gaku looked at him. “Why now, after so much time?”
“I wish I could answer that,” said Momo. “But these things just happen, whether you want it or not. And, if you keep looking away from these feelings instead of facing them properly, they won’t just hurt you, but may also stay between you and those you love, driving you apart.”
Something about his words sounded familiar to Gaku. “Are you talking from experience?”
“Well…” Momo shifted in place. “Yeah.”
As he thought… He still remembered what Re:vale had been through just before their fifth anniversary. But, in that case…
“That means…” He hesitated, lowering his voice. “I really am in love with them, right?”
“You probably are,” said Momo.
Gaku had feared that answer, despite already expecting it. “What should I do, then?”
“May I?” said Yuki. “Gaku… You should tell them how you feel.”
That caught him by surprise. “But…”
“Now I am the one saying it from experience,” Yuki continued. “If you’re not honest with them, they will never know how much you love them. Even if it’s scary or embarrassing, you should still make an effort to let them know. This way, you won’t regret your silence later.”
“Isn’t it selfish, though?” asked Gaku. “They’re happy with each other, and I… I don’t want to hurt them.”
“But won’t it be worse to keep it all to yourself until you can’t handle it anymore?” said Momo.
Gaku gave it some thought. “I don’t know…”
“I know it’s not easy,” said Momo. “But those two really care about you. If you talk to them, I’m sure they’ll understand.”
“Do you think so?”
“Of course.”
“And didn’t they say they love you?” said Yuki. “There’s a chance they still feel the same way.”
Hearing those words filled Gaku with a hope he was almost scared to have. “I’ll think about it, then.”
Momo nodded with a smile. “Just know that you can come to us if you need to talk again.”
“I know.” Gaku returned the smile. “Thanks.”
When he arrived at their apartment, Ryunosuke and Tenn were sitting together on the couch.
“You’re late,” said Tenn.
Ryunosuke smiled, gesturing toward the TV. “We just started a movie. Want to join us?”
The invitation was enough to warm Gaku’s chest. But he knew he had something to do before that. “Actually… Can we talk? The three of us.”
Tenn lightly furrowed his brow. “Did something happen?”
“No. I just have something to say.”
Seeming intrigued, the two agreed, following Gaku to his bedroom. He had thought about what he wanted to say on his way back home, but now that he was there, standing before the other two, his mind threatened to go blank. But Gaku didn’t surrender to his anxiousness, taking a moment to clear his thoughts before speaking.
“A while ago, I said something that I ended up regretting,” he started. “I should have talked with you about this before, but I wasn’t sure if I should. And only now do I fully understand how I feel. So…”
He paused, having to push those words out of his mouth.
“I’ve realized that I love you. You are my partners, my best friends… But I’m also in love with you. I don’t know if it’s already too late to say this, but… I love you both.”
Gaku wasn’t sure what kind of reaction he was expecting, but their silence and widened eyes made him start to wonder if he made the wrong choice by telling them the truth.
“It’s not like I’m expecting something from you,” he quickly added. “I just wanted to—”
His words were interrupted by Ryunosuke’s arms closing around his neck, followed by Tenn’s embracing his waist.
“You talk too much…” said Tenn.
Ryunosuke let out a small giggle. “I never thought I’d hear you say that.”
Gaku couldn’t respond for a while, but the feeling of their bodies close to his helped him relax.
“Is this fine?” he asked.
Tenn groaned. “It seems like we underestimated how stupid he is…”
“Come on, Tenn…” Ryunosuke leaned forward, resting his head against Gaku’s. “Of course this is fine.”
“Took you long enough to realize it, though,” added Tenn.
Gaku smiled to himself, then raised his arms, placing them around their waists, pulling them close.
“I’m sorry for that,” he murmured.
For a long while, the three of them just stayed like that, appreciating that new kind of closeness they shared. How did it take Gaku so long to realize that he was in love with them? Now that he held them in his arms, it felt like the clearest thing in the world, as if it was meant to be.
Only when his heart and mind started to slow down, did something cross Gaku’s mind. “Now that I think about it… How does it work with three people?”
“I’m not sure, to be honest,” Ryunosuke admitted. “This is all new for me too.”
“But we’ll make it work,” said Tenn in a confident voice.
“We will,” Ryunosuke agreed. “I think we can do anything if we’re together.”
When they spoke like that, Gaku simply couldn’t doubt it.
“You’re right,” he said. “We really can.”
Gaku looked from one of them to the other, his thoughts suddenly taking a different turn.
“So…” He hesitated briefly. “Can I get a kiss?”
Tenn groaned again, covering his face with a hand. “You’re so embarrassing…”
“Why?”
Without giving him an answer, Tenn grabbed Gaku’s shirt, pulling him down to kiss his lips. Gaku barely had the time to recover from that before Ryunosuke cupped his cheeks, giving him a second kiss.
“There you go,” said Ryunosuke.
Gaku opened his mouth, but couldn’t say a word. In fact, he could do nothing but stare at them, his brain making an effort to keep up with what had just happened.
Tenn furrowed his brow, then raised a hand, lightly poking Gaku’s cheek. “Did we break him?”
“I… think so?” Ryunosuke patted his head. “Gaku… Are you still with us?”
The warmth from the places where they touched him seemed to spread through Gaku’s entire face, and then his entire body. He didn’t think he would ever get that flustered over a kiss—or two—but there he was… Unable to form a single coherent thought.
“I think… I’ll need some time to get used to this…”
Ryunosuke and Tenn exchanged a glance. Then, to his surprise, Tenn covered his mouth with a hand, unable to contain a laugh.
“So cute…” said Tenn.
Those words were so shocking that Gaku immediately forgot about his embarrassment. “Did you call me cute?”
“No,” Tenn answered without hesitation, suddenly serious again. “You’re imagining things.”
“You did!” He looked at Ryunosuke, pointing at Tenn. “Didn’t he, Ryu?”
“Well…” Ryunosuke raised both hands, as if trying to avoid a fight. “I didn’t hear a thing.”
“What? I know you did!”
“But,” Ryunosuke continued with that charming smile of his, “if you ask me, I think you’re adorable.”
“That’s not what I…” Gaku grunted, looking away from them. “Can you two stop?”
In the next moment, he had two pairs of arms wrapped around him once again.
“No,” said Tenn.
Ryunosuke chuckled, amused. “Sorry, Gaku.”
Gaku sighed, but his exasperation was nothing but fake. He was more than used to that kind of affectionate teasing—which clearly wasn’t going to stop anytime soon.
Which, he couldn’t lie, was something he was thankful for.