Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

I see almost the same nightmare every day. Every day when I want to regain my strength, these past sufferings come back to me. A nightmare where I am locked in the same prison by a Titan trying to get out from this existential trap over and over again. These nightmares reflected the deepest memories that I should have forgotten long ago. No one possibly should remember them with the time that passed after them. But I began to remember them by chance, like impending karma for my salvation. Is it a feature of my suspended mental development that I still remained within some limits at that time? In any case, I am already going crazy, and I am afraid that this will lead me to inevitable death.

You probably think I'm being overly dramatic, but I got myself in a critical situation. At any moment, I could just lose myself because of giving up in all of these struggles. It would be fine if these nightmares were the same as they were in the past. However, they merge with my present fears, which easily knocks me out of reality. It's almost hard for me to sleep because the nightmares keep coming back to me.

I would accurately describe this whole situation as calm before the storm. Without thinking about my difficult past at all, I naively lived with the simple joys of life. After the incident on the Boiling Islands, the desire to set off into freedom from those burdens became even stronger. I honestly never wanted to be there again, but I still wanted that same family warmth that they provided me. I ultimately wanted to have friends, and even if King was not initially reciprocal to my friendship, I wanted to somehow fill this formed emptiness in me. He was the closest to me, but with each passing year, I began to think more and more about the beginning of our relationship. The thing is that I then confidently decided that he was my friend, but he didn't return the same decision to me that time. This realization only made me more disgusted with myself and the situation I faced a long time ago does makes it much worse .

These suffocating nightmares, haunting me every day.

Imagine being trapped in a two-dimensional space every day, a consciousness that had no chance to escape for centuries. It sounds absolutely insane, but I assure you: it is nothing to worry about. The mitigating factors for my special state were that I was a divine being from outer space. Of course, that was not all: I was also part of a family that threatened almost all life. Especially because they were not afraid to use genocide against it. That should calm you down a little, despite my frightening state. Personally, it has an even more frightening effect on me. It makes me think that I would be better off allowing myself to break than trying to figure it all out.

You see: being a god is not at all easier than being a mere mortal. When you are a god, the hardest thing for you to find is peace within yourself. Too much power, too much time for yourself.

First, you have incommensurable power that equals incommensurable responsibility. And when I say "incommensurable power", it is that almost all gods may have no idea how powerful they are. Consequently, how responsible they are. But they know that they are powerful, and I know that I am powerful. But this personal knowledge does nothing better than lead me into the abyss of the meaninglessness of my existence. I have power, but it is always dangerous for everyone. But I also cannot help but use it, because it is a very valuable part of me. This divine conflict can easily make you lose humanity. I do not advise any god to think about it longer than it needed.

Secondly, being a god alone always ends in tragedy. Not only for everyone, but for them too. When you are a god, you have nothing to do but think about your special purpose. You can decide the fates of ordinary mortals, but only irony can decide the fate of a god. Your fate is not in your control, because a god usually does not know what they themselves are capable of. Their thoughts are dangerous, as are their mighty power. Thoughts sharpen decisions, and decisions are an expression of power. Maybe the idea of taming a god isn't so bad, but it's very hard to do in reality. Only an outrageous amount of suffering could bring about an agreement between a god and ordinary mortals. All of our experience proves this point further.

I haven't told anyone what I thought before. Probably because I'm deeply afraid that people will judge me even more. Or because I'm really afraid that I've gone nuts with all of the things that I have been going through these last years. What do I know about who I'm supposed to be? The other Collectors are nowhere to be found, and their betrayal tells me that I shouldn't be doing their job at all. And remembering how some of them treated me with open disdain while I blindly ignored their attitude towards me didn't make the picture any better.

"Screw these arrogant clowns," I thought breathlessly, looking back at the mirror after another nightmare, "Look where this has led all of us."

A bunch of smug idiots is a perfect insult to them. A cosmic divine race decided to create a cult in honor of their own existence and combine it with a divine highbrow ideology. They called themselves smarter than all beings, although they were just possessive insignificant creatures hated by many universes. The main slogan of the Archivist has always been the preservation of all existing knowledge. It already sounds like someone just started going crazy from the meaninglessness of their existence and decided to cover it up with a mind-blowing idea. For them, knowledge was the ultimate power, not their own divine will, which was incredible gaslighting. Never trust gods who speak attractive motivational nonsense. Maybe it works for ordinary mortals, but for the gods, knowledge is an obstacle to continuing to exist.

And the more I know, the less I want to live. To realize more things about everything and try to come to terms with a sense of responsibility. Even before I discovered that the Archivists no longer existed, I could at least hold on to an illusory purpose in revenge over what they have done. And my “siblings" turned out to be evil people after all. Now I wonder why I was involved with this company of crazy people in the first place. If there is no longer a home in this world to rely on, then I will never be able to easily find my purpose. I was deeply immersed in a system that in fact no longer exists. It affected my fundamental beliefs, which simply turned out to be the delusions of space terrorists. And why do I have to gain such a headache?

After trying to comprehend what was happening with me, I looked at the huge mirror with a more careful look. There was my own reflection in it, trapped there and this interpretation didn’t made me feel good at all. It couldn't get out of there, like I had to in my long dark past. This thought scared me so much that I swung with all my strength at the glass material which I was looking at before. In front of me was a completely broken mirror, which flew everywhere with cracks. But even after this heart-wrenching blow, I did not move away from the immersed state. I was not brought back to reality by a slight pain, but by the magenta blood on my hand. What an odd, scary and at the same time magnificent sight. I always found my leaked blood looking bizarre against the background of everything. This whole problem got even further somehow. I am a fucking god, how can I not fix this?

At least I figured out that these nightmares had become an integral part of me due to the consequences of my long-term suspended development. Isn’t it great to have a double punishment for your already wretched life? The only thing that can even soften these negative consequences is to go against their own influence that forces you to go down to losing your own self. But it's even harder when you have other important things on your mind besides the very deep-seated nightmares.

During probably another pointless musing, a very familiar beep sounded in my large bedroom. It finally allowed me to forget about the huge problem with nightmares, but to remember my eternal responsibility to ordinary mortals.

I will always feel that I must go against what the Archivists potrayed themselves to be. I must help living beings, not harm them. My unquenchable optimism to move on from unpleasant situations has always been my best quality. The only thing a lot of inhabitants of this universe know about me is that I like to visit them and have fun together. It greatly helps me get through some heartbreaking hardships. I have a lot of friends, but I'll be very honest, I've never really felt happy with them. I keep telling myself that this is what I have always wanted. However, a deep feeling inside me tells me otherwise and that I am always trying to avoid what will actually make me happy for once.

There is just one particular group in this universe that scares me more than anyone. The group of people I've been avoiding the most lately and they are the ones who for some unknown reason want to see me the most. I still have no idea why I make them so happy when I was the biggest burden for this planet then.

I calmly approached the blinking notepad, which warned me of another headache.

"Not them again," I opened the magical semblance of mobile communication with a fearful look.

It was them again, by the will of evil fate. Luz and her friends, who had already tried to get me to reply several times. I had said earlier that I was busy with everything happening, although in fact it was lie considering my still bored state. The realization of this turned me to hate myself in a sense, but I had long since gotten used to not involving them in my deep problems. I began to avoid them greatly because of all the unpleasant things that happened to me there. Guilt, anger, regret and alienation did not stop accumulating in me. In the beginning, I often even visited them and nothing bothered me, enjoying the simple fun and new knowledge. But all good things come to an end when you start thinking beyond these easy joys.

I still remember Luz's horrified face when I told her about my first nightmares. She told me that my voice and expression on my face were completely lifeless, as if I had not expected what had happened and had accepted it immediately. It made her very worried about me that day, which later made me feel uneasy about this situation.

I had other scary things happening to me in the beginning, when I was still regularly spending the nights with Luz and Eda. I should have taken this more seriously, especially when I accidentally referred to King as one of the dead titans. Not just dead, but once my best friends before all the disaster.

Opening the chat in front of me, I immediately saw her contact blinking. She tries to contact me the most, which is still surprising to me.

Hey Sirius, I hope you come this time. I know you have things to do and all...

I have my daughter’s birthday in few days and she really wants to see you

Can you spend some weeks with us like last time?

We really miss you. Especially King

Why does she always remind me of him? Luz knows what she's doing, and I'm afraid I'll fall for her unclear plans. Do not make my deep-rooted fixation on him work again.

With a tired and heavy sigh I decided with an inspiring victory over my inner doubts that it would not hurt me at all to visit the Boiling Islands at least once for a long time. In all fairness to them, they absolutely deserve to have their wishes come true, and I want to get to know her daughter better. I saw her at last birthday party and she was so adorable and amusing. We had so much fun together that I didn't even doubt the part where she wanted to see me again.

I will come for her

As I cautiously answered her, another message suddenly appeared as if it had been waiting for me.

We and King will be waiting for you

She caught me after all. That sounds great.

What a mistake it was then, when I decided to return to this place again. Not just because of my complicated relationship with all of the people there but because of one very special person to me. These days I put an end to the past view of my relationship with them.

The first thing I did not consider was how much I had changed after so much time of my independent travels in space. And the second was how much King had changed after my pathetic attempts to stop thinking about him occasionally. It could no longer hide my special attachment to him as a consequence of my love for the little titans and deep loneliness from my deep-term confinement. It was rooted even deeper than I had originally assumed.

Chapter Text

I still remember with longing the times when I made a point of visiting the Boiling Islands. The Luz family gave me the same captivating care and familiar warmth that I gravitated towards as a child. These were joyful, intriguing and carefree moments, but unfortunately they were only one part of my life. And yet, even after my long space travels, new acquaintances and time spent on different planets, they remain the best.

Today was one of those rare days when I dreamed of one of these moments among my regular nightmares. I felt especially uneasy because it was that very moment with King that still haunts me. I should have heard him then and not chased a meaningless, childish dream.

It seemed like a very ordinary day when we decided to take a walk together somewhere near the Owl House. However, the topic of conversation that he chose was out of the generally accepted norm.

"What will you do when you finally find your family?" King asked with a hint of sadness, raising his eyebrows high. His face was so sincere that even I was a little taken aback.

At first, I looked at him with a dull look, as if I was trying to reconcile the question with what was happening. This caused me deep suspicion, but I constantly forgave King for this. After that, I smiled widely and easily said what was always on my mind.

"Of course, I will hug and talk to them!" I happily jumped on one of the nearby rocks and looked far into the sky, making an unnecessary thoughtful gesture, "I wonder when I will find them."

All my facial expressions were caricatures and only showed superficial thinking. But this was always my defense mechanism from the fearful incomprehensible, which in the past was very unacceptable for the archivist culture. Maybe that's why my own relatives disliked me the most for?

After such an answer, a painfully familiar mixture of negative emotions appeared on King's face: either disappointment, or pity, or sadness... But surprisingly, there was never any room for anger in it. I never liked this facial expression, because it meant only one thing - he was deeply unhappy with someone, and committing this was on the list of my sins. He was unhappy so much that it can be compared to the displeasure of you in the Elder, who presented such a frightening look that to see it would be the greatest shame.

This seriously scared me and I tried to at least explain myself. I jumped off the rock abruptly and tried to avoid the piercing gaze next to me. I suddenly felt uncomfortable in my own body, and I shrank from an inexplicable deep fear.

"I miss them very much," I said justifiably and wanted to desperately continue, but at the right moment I bit my tongue, remembering who I was talking to, "I just want to understand why they did these terrible things..."

"Collector," King sighed heavily and dropped his face down, "I don't think you've thought about it at all. Not even for a minute of time allotted to yourself."

I looked at him with a slightly pitiful look, as if I didn't want to hear the next words.

"And you know that you have a lot of time for yourself," King said quite honestly.

This truth pierced me so deeply that I still remember this moment from time to time. But I never liked the truth that does not satisfy my optimism.

I quickly ran up to King, taking him by the shoulders so as not to feel uncomfortable anymore. My eyes were so fiercely shining with despair that the whole picture looked miserable.

"King, I will solve this!" With a smile that was either strained or real, I tried to convince my friend, "They will listen to me!"

Already accustomed to my sudden surges of optimism, King was still standing in his place and looked at me again, full of doubt. Now his face had a pitiful expression, which almost made me want to cry.

Deep down, I didn’t want to admit that everything was much more complicated than I had always wanted. I still wanted to remain a child, when any decisions you made felt easy.

When you didn’t have to worry about the future once again.

When you didn’t have to think about huge responsibilities.

I was completely unprepared for what was actually waiting for me ahead.

“King, please, at least listen to me...” The words gathered in a lump in my throat, which made it difficult for me to say them.

We looked at each other pitifully for a long time, as if waiting for the required answer. It was a difficult sight to see, one that only had to be experienced once to realize how helpless you could be.

Until Eda's fateful call was heard.

"Hey, kids!" the old woman waved her hand in the distance with a laugh. "How long are you going to stare at each other?"

This comment made me turn pink and narrow my eyes. A noticeable scowl appeared on my face, which spoke of my rage. I felt somehow very wild and seriously wanted to explode on the spot.

"Is this your new game?" Eda laughed, approaching us. She had the same joyful and easy voice, but it caused the opposite effect on me this time.

At that moment I felt very selfish. Why was she here and why was she bothering us again.

"Eda, we were just talking..." King began waving his paws, poorly hiding his smile and very ablush about something.

I closed my eyes tightly and clenched my fists tightly, wanting to wake up from the unpleasant memory myself. However, I shortly felt someone's soft paw on my clenched palm.

"Sorry if I put pressure on you, Collector," King smiled at me sincerely and kissed me tenderly on the cheek, and everything suddenly became shining white around, "I just want you not to make the wrong decisions."

I don't know if I was pleased or not, but I was definitely in breaking shock.

Wait.

THIS DID NOT HAPPEN.

But before I could even somehow object with displeasure, I abruptly woke up from this stunning dream. I immediately sat down in my place, which was a large round bed. I had to bend over to grab my head. There was a flush of pink on my face and little heavy breathing. Because of all this, I ignored the slightly depressed feeling inside me.

He's messing with my dreams again, and it was unusually fast. I bet it's because of my loneliness. I've definitely noticed it's gotten worse lately, despite my best efforts to fill it. It turns out that even with a hundred friends, you can't solve your deep-rooted problems that easily.

I still felt a little tired, but mostly rested enough to spend the next few days with Luz's family and especially King. I had to make sure to notice because of that strange kiss in my dream. They're probably waiting for me, and to be honest with my nightmares, I have no idea how much sleep I got today...

I thought again about the past times again and how I often spent time with them. But that was changed after I learned of the disbandment of the Archivists.

I took a deep breath and began to prepare for arrival.

Chapter Text

I took a quick look at the huge glass I had broken earlier, which was surrounded by golden patterns. This sight made me feel so heavy that I immediately shook all over again. At another moment, I came to my senses and noticed an abnormal fatigue in myself, which I immediately blamed on my constant lack of sleep.

​Just think what these nightmares have brought me to, that I no longer want to see my own reflection. This speaks of the growth of new problems that are already burdening me. The consequences of my regular nightmares now began to seem extreme to me.

For a moment, I started to think that what happened to me was really dangerous. However, I had little time to spend on this and I needed to prepare for Mirabel's birthday. I finally decided to throw out my thoughts and actively get ready for a vacation to the Boiling Islands.

Having quickly flown into the bath through a nearby road, I confidently overlooked everything and stood in front of the open passage.

Next, I want to tell you how gods usually live.

If we are talking about exact characteristics, then they are free and constantly walking next to ordinary mortals. In short, like me.

I live in a huge empty palace on some celestial body, so I have it easy in terms of household chores. For any representative of the divine race, this is an ordinary trifle that can help distract from boredom. But these affairs may not interest them at all initially, but then what else they can do in their free time is unclear. I am already trying to find something to do then, that it almost drives me crazy.

Trying not to look at the mirror in the bathroom, I washed my two-toned face with three freckles in the shape of stars.

All in the nature of species that is born from stars. Personally, I was born from the Blue Crescent and Yellow Star like my siblings. The one who always hid behind the other Elders, keeping their real thoughts a secret, and the one who was too immersed in a "positive outlook" on life that they were seriously called some kind of crazy. I'll be honest, they are much more better than two other true horrors.

Taking the shiny white toothpaste, I happily began to brush my teeth with it.

Excuse me, eat with it. Titan, how damn delicious it is.

After spending a perfect time in the bathroom, I decided to give myself over to hedonistic hobbies completely. Being a victim of physical pleasures when you are a god is usually frowned upon by other divine representatives. To be on par with the gluttony of mortals is, in their opinion, shameful. However, I literally did not care about the opinion of this higher society.

I immediately devoured several pizza bagels from my secret nightstand. I have many more of them there than you might think.

Now my favorite part of other physical pleasures is giving myself over to the temptation to try on different styles. I even became kind of crazy about it. I have a big room that is only intended for this. But not as big as my personal archive room. It had a second floor too, but there was a little free space. It had many different cabinets, tables, hangers, cosmetics, accessories, shoes, pajamas and... mirrors.

Well, damn.

I opened my large closet with a bunch of pajamas of different shapes and took the most comfortable one - a shirt and pants. On the plus side, practical and unceremonious. The only significant difference was that this shirt did not have long sleeves and was purple. I braided my long hair and adjusted my clothes.

With a slight smile, I walked through a long hall full of different portal. All of them were created for teleportation to different points of the universe. I confidently stood in front of the one that I needed now.

The last thoughts that gathered in my head made me sigh.

​I will admit honestly that I never missed the Boiling Islands more than I missed King himself. I kind of want to see them, but on the other hand - why do I need it? And the more important question is, why do they need it? I no longer need their special care, and my presence there is usually unnecessary. King has always been an important person in my life. He was my savior, my best friend, my everything, even if the beginning of our relationship was full of lies.

And if you look back, they initially just had to figure me out and behave properly with me, only then did they really start to think of me as more than just a random huge burden. I separated my best friend from King for a few years and then plunged the entire world into a kind of dictatorship, which would easily sound terrifying to anyone. After the incident with Luz's death, I wanted to go back to my family without a second thought. Even if my siblings were terrible, I just didn't want to be around the victims. They needed time to finally get recovered from everything happened. And besides, I deeply hated Luz for her deep influence on King. Only later, when I decided to take a break from time to time on the Boiling Islands, I completely changed my mind about Luz, partly because of King.

Pushing aside all my negative feelings about my personal history there, I try very hard not to be critical of them. I don't mind giving them my time and helping them in different ways too. I'm just mostly uncomfortable being there because of my strong trust issues. I still feel vulnerable even with the power I have what is actually hilarious.

​Putting my palm on the door, the star lit up on it. I smiled harder, and then a white bright light spread in front of me.

I shouldn't dwell on these thoughts too much right now.

Keeping promises is important, despite the darkness around.

I'm sure everything will be fine.

Chapter Text

A second later, I step onto the familiar tiles. They have long since lost the cleanliness they were blessed with since birth. Everything around was filled with dust, and the main culprit of it was myself.

This crown palace, which was also formerly called the archive house, was my least favorite place to visit. This place only suffocates me, and it shows me many things that I feel a deep disgust for.

Historical paintings hanging there, symbolizing their pompous grandeur over the puny culture of mortals.

An empty puppet warehouse, the purpose of which was to entertain little archivists with sealed mortals.

A huge and exquisite book, full of compelling children's stories that lightheartedly want to influence your pure consciousness.

A bedroom on a small celestial body, bringing back sad memories that were once the happiest time in my life. There, in King's former place, I left Francois, who was my best friend during my first solitary days in space. There was something dramatic in the fact that I began to keep him in the place where the titan spent the most time with me.

And yet the main reason why I put the portal to the Boiling Islands here is that it also brings me peace. A special comfort that I can only find here. All these light illusions, amazing buildings and divine art. Everything that seemed ordinary to me was once native to me. And this is the only thing left from the deep past safely.

Sometimes I want to merge with the shadow reflecting off the proud walls.

I changed my slippers into sneakers and went to the open window, where I decided to look at the restored Boiling Islands. The same picture as on my last visit, which made me feel calmer in my soul. How especially beautiful it was here.

From this refreshing feeling, I decided not to head straight to the Owl House, but to take a short walk to refresh my thoughts. I would meet someone there anyway, and rumors would spread about me. No one should be surprised that I was some kind of celebrity here.

Having created a star skate, I plunged straight into the forest, which was located next to the huge Titan skeleton. Stopping in its depths, I looked at the large fir trees around me. My journey began with a nice state of mind, which certainly made me feel better. With a strong smile, I set off for the familiar distances.

It would have been better if I had gone straight to the Owl House.

After some time, I accidentally stumbled upon the very face I had dreamed of only today.

It was King, who for some reason was sitting alone on the same stone and looking at the spreading sky.

It is impossible to explain what I saw before my eyes in simple words. It was breathtaking from the mixture of ordinary natural beauty, intriguing melancholy tones and the general mystery of everything that was happening. The wind passing nearby and the visiting rays of a warming star complemented the already overwhelming sight. I had never seen him like this, but at the same time I felt something incredibly familiar in it.

Only he... changed.

First, he became a little taller. Just a few years ago, he was quite proud of the fact that he was the same height as me. He had such a satisfied face that I was ready to literally roll my eyes to the clouds. I swear, he will become even more unbearable after this.

Second, he became even more bulky. Maybe you don’t suspect, but I have always been skinny as a fallen stick. This is absolutely normal for my race, but my extra thoughts about the fact that someday in hundreds of years King will be of a larger size frightens me.

Third, HE IS EVEN FLUFFIER THAN IN THE PAST. This is the best change so far. I want to hug him so much and touch his fur so bad!

In unison with my loud desire, I approached the titan, causing the dry leaves to rustle under my feet.

"Who's there?", King's naturally keen hearing did not fail him, and he anxiously turned his head towards the source of the noise.

Even if I was not close to King, he was able to recognize me. I had completely forgotten about his also keen eyes.

"Sirius?", raising an eyebrow in disbelief, he looked at me observantly, "Is it really you?"

In spite of my own fears, I came out of the shadows.

"King, I'm so glad to see you!" I raised my hands animatedly so that he would definitely recognize me.

Titan, he is even bigger than in the distance.

This caused me even more anxiety which grew with my unsignificant fatigue.

"Thank Titan that it is definitely you!" King sighed with relief and added sensibly, "It would be really awkward if someone else found me in this place."

"Why?" I asked right away, already knowing the answer.

"Deep feelings, you know?" the titan smiled at me easily and spread his arms, "I wouldn't like it if someone interrupted me, or even worse, stalked me here."

I swallowed and smiled even more.

I feel like I did both of those things now.

"Yeah, that would be really unpleasant", I actively supported his side with a pink blush on my face.

"Anyway", he put his paws on his knees and stood up from his rocky seat.

King turned to me to his full height, and I was literally shaken by this vision. Even earlier, I thought that I would win over my obsession over him and easily move away from another time spent with him, but now I doubt it even more. You may not understand, but he looks just crazy to me.

He is King, one of the amazing titans, looks like a dream of any strange girl, which at the moment I am.

"How was your life in deep space?" he asked me calmly, but then his tone became abnormally impatient, "You must tell me, as promised!"

Such exactingness woke me up from a deep trance.

"Of course, I'll tell you everything!" I began to answer King as commanded and repeated to myself convincingly, "I promised!"

In response to this, he laughed lightly and put his small paw on my shoulder.

"Calm down, I won't eat you", he said in his very satisfied voice standing only some millimeters higher.

You're not even that tall, man.

With this thought in my head I looked at him with an unimpressed look.

Then why did I get so worked up about all this?

Looking at him with wide eyes, I asked myself in confusion.

​

Chapter Text

Usually, nothing changes much in half a year, but at some point the stars align. At least that's what I read in scientific books.

Now the image of King evokes in me a bunch of mixed feelings, which I myself am ashamed to delve into. He is not just cute and funny anymore, but more complex than this past vision...

​With these swirling thoughts in my head, I suddenly felt like someone's strong and soft body was strangling me.

HOLY STARS

I gasped at the unexpected attack, and felt momentarily paralyzed.

The attacker immediately released me with a light giggle, while I couldn't stop blushing pink. This sudden hug stunned me, because it was too impatient for King. I was not completely satisfied with it, despite his sudden outburst of platonic love.

Even the tempting fur could not fix the melancholy immediacy of the hug.

And I really want to touch it for more than some measly seconds.

"Friends Forever Hug!" King smiled brightly at me, and I looked at him observantly in return.

In my enchanted vision, I thought of him as follows:

He was beautiful and at the same time frightening.

"It's good to know that you haven't forgotten about them!" I joined in his happiness after the interesting internal note.

King sighed and tilted his head to the side.

"How can I forget about them with you?" he asked a rhetorical question, and then answered it himself dreary, "You always look like you're constantly being beaten."

Somewhere inside I knew what he meant by that.

Basically, it deeply offended me, causing an outrageous sadness to appear on my face.

I never liked it when people saw me as weak. It was making me think that I could never defend myself. I just wanted things to happen the way I wanted, and not have to compromise all the time again. It's so unfair that I always have to lose something good in life just so that others would be happy too.

"I can't look that bad," I tried to pretend that I wasn't so offended.

"It's just something I've noticed about you lately," King explained calmly in front of me with a sad voice, "Sometimes I feel like you're actually not happy being here."

What? He shouldn't have said that!

"Of course I love this place!" I started to speak defensively so he wouldn't ever think like this again. "I'll never miss out on important time with you!"

See how my "let go of the horrible past" plan works.

My own assesment: quite painful.

"Huh," the titan gave the most obviously incredulous chuckle and suddenly changed the heavy topic. "Now that I'm bigger than you, I want to hug you tighter."

The tables have turned, I guess...

When we were kids, I used to hug him all the time. Back then, I was deeply afraid that someone would take him away from me. I had a strong feeling to protect him from anyone who could hurt him. Now, these hugs are just reminders of my deeply troubled love.

"There is no such thing as "too many hugs"! " I decided to please this furry bastard this time, "I don't mind getting even more!"

I grinned proudly and thought that I had outplayed him magnificently.

"Well then, look out," King's eyes sparkled with excitement, and I instantly regretted it.

Halfway through our journey to the house, he rushed at me. However, I did not have a slow reaction, so I managed to push off in time.

No, I am not going to make the same mistake as before.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHA, PLEASE!" I began to run in the forest along crooked paths and scream at the top of my lungs, periodically laughing from the madness of this situation, "SAVE ME!!!"

Two students from Hexside passed by me, who by a lucky chance turned out to be Luz's daughter and her friend.

"It looks normal," the latter answered monotonously, looking at us.

"SIR MOUSTACHE, HIDE!!!" Mirabel instantly get the game.

I glanced at them with wide eyes, and then at the one still running after me. King was simply burning with determination to catch me. This only made me instinctively run faster. From such an unusual speed, I began to fly. That's what frequent levitation does to someone.

But without calculating the many reasons against this quick decision, after some time I crashed face first into one of the trees due to lack of control. About falling down, it was never a pleasant experience.

When King finally arrived, I was already getting up on the ground. Having recovered from the mild shock, I immediately looked in his direction.

"Are you okay?" the titan asked worriedly and looked closer, "You have blood in your nose."

"Oh," I was slightly scared and then calmed down, "It will quickly recover."

King crossed his arms while I was wiping my nose with my hand.

"Why did you even start to fly?" he asked indignantly.

"I'm not used to running so fast," I answered him with the heavy voice.

"Sure," King tilted his head suspiciously and again returned to his previous mood, "Now I know for sure that you are afraid that I will eat you."

It feels like we are constantly playing some kind of game.

I groaned loudly and began to gesticulate with displeasure.

"Just don't tell me that I am going to be with you the whole day," I tried to hide my smile, thinking about it at least a little.

"That's right," he didn't hide his smile at all, and then briefly informed me, "Everyone is busy with their own affairs. Luz said that we will start to prepare tomorrow."

Of course, King is the only one who is free, unlike everyone else. After finishing school and becoming a youngest member of the consul, he has surprisingly a lot of free time. I'm not saying that he does nothing. It's just that even while doing his job, he really enjoys it. How can you even enjoy reconciling people?

I raised an eyebrow high, and the satisfied titan came close to me.

"​You're going to Mirabel's birthday this time, right?" He nudged me with his elbow and commented good-naturedly, "I'm sure it will be wonderful, like last time."

His sudden praise made me feel shamelessly euphoric. It's a common thing for me, but such compliments always make me feel proud. Especially if they come from King himself.

"It'll be even better than last time!" I responded very happily, "I have some great ideas for this day!"

"Oh, I wouldn't mind listening to them." King smiled warmly, but his words already pierced my heart.

Thus we reached the Owl House, discussing my new ideas for Luz and Amity's daughter's birthday.

And for some reason I was very happy, despite my deep fears.

Chapter Text

I returned to the Owl House again, to a place I can't stop coming back to. And all because I was once stuck in the Boiling Isles for millennia, indirectly connected to the Clawthornes and met the son of the Owl Lady himself. All three of these points in history have tied me here forever. I will still miss this place, no matter how hard I try to distance myself from it.

But how I don't want to be in a place where the worst memories are associated with me. My priority is not to think about them at all, so that I can continue to calmly relive my nightmares.

After we settled comfortably in the living room, King offered me tea with lemon. A good taste to emphasize the sour mood.

"Did anything interesting happen while I was gone?" I asked a little happily, taking the warm cup in my hands.

"To your surprise, nothing interesting happened," He answered gloomily, sitting down next to me, "This year everything is somewhat dreary."

"Oh," My face was a mixture of surprise and regret. Feeling his mood on myself, I drooped over the table and drank a cup of tea. I did not want King to have similar feelings. This is an unpleasant state that no one should experience.

"There were some cool festivals and different competitions," King continued talking about past affairs on the Boiling Islands and then smiled lightly at me, "I think that you would have liked the Feline Festival more. This year they decided to hold the same one again after you left immediately."

"Aw, why..."

I felt even bigger sadness. Why it happened exactly then?

"I think you were actually lucky," King reassured me with the same smile, "This festival was kind of boring anyway."

"Is everything that bad?" I asked depressingly with a chuckle.

"Really, no," King disagreed and put his paw to his face, "I genuinely had a good time but I can't just stop having this dissatisfied feeling inside. Lately, I've been thinking about a lot of things."

I looked at him carefully and asked him with concern, "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not in the mood," King answered briefly and then muttered discontentedly, "And they're forcing me to be the consul's speaker now. Raine says they planned this since I joined."

After stating that, he began to speak in a disapproving low voice and with his eyes slightly open, "Though, I can definitely guess that Raine was just simply fed up with this constant shifting of work and Darius's dissatisfaction that they both finally decided to officially throw this position to me."

"It definitely sounds like them," I laughed quietly and sipped my lemon tea, "But didn't you want to do something like this?"

"This is very serious, unlike entertaining performances on stages," The titan began to explain and added heavily, "It deeply scares me."

I took a deep breath and then looked lively at King, who was looking somewhere to the side.

"I'm sure you'll do just fine!" I happily put my hand on his shoulder and began to quickly assure him," Besides, people will support you anyway! You have absolutely nothing to lose."

He finally looked at me and smiled warmly.

"Of course, you're right," titan spoke calmly, "It's just that I feel better from the emotional support of loved ones, as opposed to some frightening crowd of people."

"Ahahaha," The familiar joy in my heart returned to me, "Isn't that what best frie-"

I didn't finish my last sentence, as he suddenly jumped off the table.

"Wait!" King said loudly and excitingly, "I remembered what I wanted to show you!"

With shocked expression on my face I saw him quickly run into another room. An unpleasant grimace formed on my face from the noise coming from there.

"Give me a minute!" he shouted from the other room, also doing something there.

Without any idea of ​​what was happening, I lay down on the couch carefree, and my peace of mind has increased. There was something especially wonderful that you are now in a place where no danger awaits you, and your relatives do not constantly want something from you.

This is something that was hard for me to feel when I still lived in the large Archivist Palace. There was danger even in the family, and they often expect something from you. Where everyone wants their own benefit, despite the unpleasant secrets that they are afraid to reveal. That's the kind of divine solidarity that surrounds one important head.

My purpose was to become a Collector like all the other siblings. It was normal for us to have certain responsibilities from birth. I was babysat by other Collectors and didn't knew my own parents well. Especially my father Umbriel, who probably didn't want to get involved with me at all. At least Mirfak praised me, no matter what I did in my life. But that doesn't change the fact that she was too optimistic for me.

Honestly, my parents were creepy even for me. They were hard to love.

"I noticed you came home a little late today," King said from behind the wall, putting something on himself.

"Erm, I lost track of time, as always!" I quickly shook myself off, so as not to touch on the topic of last night.

"I forget that it's always dark in your sky," titan laughed and then joyfully said with a sigh, "Finally!"

I jumped from my seat, as King suddenly entered the living room. He was wearing very strange clothes, which were most likely made by himself. From my observation, these were some kind of ugly cloak and shirt. It was a combination of red and blue with a bunch of attached fabric.

"I thought about your previous comments about my "royal" outfit!" King began to show off his horrifying masterpiece, "Look how gorgeous I am with it."

What am I looking at? This will definitely be in my next nightmares.

"It looks even worse than before," I answered honestly with a face full of disappointment.

"At least I tried," King muttered defensively and then proudly said, "These are my first independent attempts at fashion!"

"And this one is definitely terrible."

"My natural beauty will fix it," he said contentedly.

I glanced at this work of art again, and my soul was burning with pain because of it.

"Even with my exotic amateur taste," I began to confidently explain to him, getting up from the couch, "This looks like a galactic fashion crime. This will only spoil your natural beauty."

"Huh?" King said with puzzled look.

"What I'm trying to tell you is that in order to look like a real king," I continued my thoughts, slowly approaching him, "you have to look stunning for everyone."

I boldly reached him and was looking at his amazed face.

"You would look better if you really considered the desires of others."

From an unconscious desire of my own, I began to run my finger along his fuzzy chest.

Then we both came to our senses, and I realized what I had just done.

"Wow, Sirius, you are amazing," King said with undeniable honesty, "I even stopped breathing for a second."

Sometimes I want to strangle him for his straightforwardness.

"WHAT?!" I was stunned by shame from my sensual action and his frank confession, "I AM TRYING TO BE SERIOUS!"

"Calm down, I am serious too" He still spoke in a calm tone, which incredibly infuriated me, "You are good at fashion unlike me, and I am very inspired by how you do it."

I almost went crazy from such a positive assessment.

"Don't tell me you really meant it," I was dead serious by a second.

"Why wouldn't I?" He asked sincerely, and then realized something.

King seemed to shrink and made an uncomfortable laugh.

"I really meant it," He blushed and began to spread his hands, "I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable."

Oh no, I shouldn't have reacted like that.

"It's okay!" I also behaved this way, and there was a slight pink tint on my face, "It was just sudden."

"I'm glad then."

Like in the past, we began to share long glances in silence again. Only there was no one to interfere.

"I think you were right that I need to be better at noticing what others want," With some hesitation he decided to break our mutual silence.

I was both relieved and disappointed with his new response.

After some time, I started to feel bad about all of this.

Wait, did I just tricked him into thinking that I didn't like it?

I really need to stop him spoiling me with this embarassing praise.

Chapter Text

After a short time together at home, the evening finally arrived. We talked about our everyday life and interesting personal news, while simultaneously enjoying our mutual favorite games. Although the latter was too perfect to be true. It already seemed to me that this mutuality had lately begun to turn into King's passion. I couldn't blame him, since at some point I stopped caring about what I would play with him. Such thrill was vanished in me after a lonely life in space.

As befits our last activities, we spent most of our time in competent games. Namely, games that King often chose with the aim of achieving my emotional ignition. For some reason, he likes to use my kindness and thereby irritate me.

When we became much more comfortable with each other, King suddenly became wild in character. He had shown signs of feistiness before, but now he was not afraid to show it at all. According to my remaining ancient knowledge, titans were usually peaceful by nature, so this surprised me a lot.

I still remember how we played harmless games as children. However, King later became more and more eager to compete with me. Eda once told me that he was always so passionate. But I met him completely different and took it as usual. He was just like those little ti-

Shut your mental tirade up before it's too late.

Back at the important moment, doomed by another crushing defeat, I sat on the couch with a strong and furious grip on the joystick. My eyes trembled with unbearable anger, and a shade of glare was weakly emphasized in them.

I sucked at it so bad, and this fact didn't calm me down for a second.

The day when I won a game against King was one of the rare ones.

This time I was about to lose again.

"Come on, come on!" I desperately began to ask for victory, but fate didn't spare me. My racing car almost reached the finish line, but after a few seconds I crashed into an obstacle because of an accidental bump at friend's car.

I could no longer hold it in.

"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING?!" I was angry from losing, and mercilessly broke the joystick, recklessly throwing it at the wall.

From the force applied, I caused a crack in the wall.

"It​ is not even that serious," he tried to calm my ardor, but was obviously satisfied with what was happening, "This is the firth time you broke the joystick, and this is the tenth time you damaged my walls."

"AND THIS IS THE HUNDREDTH TIME YOU DEFEATED ME!" I threateningly continued his thoughts.

My claustrophobia sent these walls to hell.

"One hundred and forty three," King corrected me smugly.

"THIS DOESN'T SOUND ANY BETTER!"

King looked at me with a mocking grin in response to my flaming anger. I knew for sure that he moved the car to make it happen.

The screen showed a window with pitiful result, and I sighed heavily looking at it for a moment. I was so close to victory...

"This is so unfair!" I began to openly object, wanting immediate justice, "I just got back, and you already want to ruin my mood!"

I clenched my fists and looked at him with cooling rage, condemning him for excessive pride.

"I really tried to help you," King said in a hopeless tone and not believably enough, "But you are just incredibly terrible at this. I couldn't resist."

If this was Luz, then I would believe it. But King, "Unable to Resist". He was certainly playing with me.

"You're doing this on purpose as always!" I confidently accused him, and my anger began to turn into sadness.

"Look," he finally started to get worried, but the smile still didn't leave his face, "I really wanted to give you that win. Don't be so mad at me."

I squinted my eyes to look at him skeptically.

"You told me exactly the same thing last time," I instantly remembered how King had behaved just as cautiously when he had brought me to the same mood.

"It just didn't work out this time, okay?" titan couldn't hold back a nervous but smug grin, which was the last straw for me.

I exploded again and pounced on him. King began to hold me back by hands from further action with narrowed eyes. It seemed he had absolutely not expected such a turn of events.

"SHUT UP!" I started to speak loudly, but the pink blush on my face made my voice tremble, "YOU ARE MAKING ME ANGRY, AND YOU LIKE IT!"

"Please, calm down," King's voice began to be penetrated with despair, but he himself did not want to stop being entertained, "I'm just bored!"

My teeth have become sharper in reaction and a bright gleam appeared in my eyes, which flared up even more red.

"ARE YOU BORED?" now I began to enjoy the situation, "And I am NOT!"

I joyfully took his nasal bone with my hand when he loosed his grip on my arms for a second. He gasped consequentially and was visibly shocked by this action.

"HA, I GOT YOU!" a toothy grin formed on my face.

This sudden touch made him throw me back. I quickly realized how strong King was.

I managed to use levitation and calmly stand on the floor. King got up from the sofa with a still puzzled look.

"I thought that titans were peaceful," I said in a deceived voice with an already weakened smile.

He shook his head, and his gaze finally sobered up.

"Well, I always have been an exception," he smiled at the end and seemed to have something in mind again.

He ran at me again, and the morning scene played out in my head.

This time he managed to catch up with me, and I plopped down on the floor. He was holding me by the lower part of my body.

"Ha, now I got you!"

I got angry again, but this change was mentally tiring already. King's retribution didn't really bother me, unlike the fact that he was now lying on top of me.

"YOU WILL REGRET THIS!" I started to move my hands on the soft body with all my strength. If I could see myself, I would definitely be all pink.

But King continued to smile and apparently was starting to get tired himself.

"Argh, when did you become so heavy?!" I literally puffed from the fact that all my efforts were useless.

My physical strength has always been terrible, so in this situation it was definitely King's fault. Using my divine powers felt a bit awkward.

"Really?" he was surprised by this comment and probably only noticed it now, "So that's why my armchair creaks now."

Dumbass.

I made an internal facepalm, rolling my eyes and lying down crushingly. I spread my arms across the floor and stared blankly at the ceiling.

"Are you okay there?" King laughed lightly, but he still didn't stop worrying about me. His gaze was especially focused on me, which made me feel heavy at heart. He himself was lying comfortably on top of me, placing a large paw on my stomach and holding his head on the floor with the other.

"Yeah?" I asked unclearly from the incoming wave of various feelings, processing everything that was happening. King's abnormal warmth began to make me sleepy, and this realization woke me up instead.

I don't want to deal with nightmares now.

I stood up abruptly, which left King in a mild shock.

"Whoa, what happened?" he asked in confusion. His voice was very worried.

"Let's just continue sitting on the couch," I said prayerfully with a strained smile.

"As you say," King chuckled nervously in response.

A few minutes later, we were both sitting on the bed. King no longer dared to play games, so we just continued to talk.

He reminded me that Raine would be coming soon. Whether this makes me feel better or not, I have no idea. They were supposed to be here any time now having a strict schedule, sometimes letting themselves work more than usual. But Eda's... is chaotic, despite her being the Headmaster. Wait, did I mention they live together?

Then he started to think deeply about something, and as if by some unfortunate fate, this was what I had been trying to avoid just recently. I should have gotten used to this a long time ago, but my optimism constantly deceived me.

"How are you doing with nightmares?" King asked worriedly.

"As usual?" I deeply wanted this conversation to end and laughed nervously "Why are you asking this?"

The fake smile on my face grew wider.

King began to explain himself hastily.

"I remembered them when we were lying on the floor. Besides, the first night is coming soon, and I feel like I definitely need to ask this. Your nightmares haven't calmed down since last time. Somehow, they got even worse then. But you said it was just an accident, and I shouldn't worry."

"Oh, right", a terrible scene that happened on the last vacation flashed in my eyes. King was scared shitless, which made me feel very sorry for him, "I'm really sorry for that again."

"It's not your fault at all," titan tried to quickly console me, spreading his arms around with concern, "No one expected them to be like this."

But King's words didn't affect me much. I still blame myself for not being able to function normally in my sleep. I can't fix this clearly, and it continues to consume me even more.

"About your past thoughts," I decided on my own to calm King down, "It really was an accident. My nightmares are still bad, but not that terrible."

"I hope," King chuckled nervously with strong belief in his eyes, "You promise me that you won't scare me again?"

Now I feel like not only an idiot, but also a bad person.

I had absolutely no confidence in making this promise, no matter how positive I was right now. I just had to try to hold back and hide them with all my might.

"I..." I couldn't say anything, as if the words were stuck in my throat.

I wasn't able to do that. It felt completely wrong.

"...can't."

The last word, spoken with difficulty, hardened like an accidental drop of superglue on my hands.

King's gaze worsened again. It demanded an explanation and at the same time was afraid to hear it. His eyes narrowed noticeably, and any trace of previous smile disappeared. It seemed to me that everything around me had darkened. I really wanted to run away.

This is really bad.

Suddenly, familiar sounds were heard in the large entrance room: the creaking of the door and slick speeches. There was no mistaking those voices. It was Raine and Eda. Together. A terrifying duo.

They were flirting shamelessly with each other again, causing us to quietly look at each other with very displeased looks. It was unbearable and brought a blush to both of our faces.

"Hey, King, I brought you something delicious!" Eda laughed in a drunken mood.

"Don't listen to her, it's expired!" Raine played along with a cheerful tone, and then the door slammed.

"You are ruining the fun, dear," The Owl Lady laughed quietly, her footsteps in the other room especially audible because of her hard heels.

Words can't describe how we understood each other at that moment. We both hated what was happening now.

"We'll talk about this later, alright?" King laughed nervously, rolling his eyes in shame.

"A-alright," I answered quickly and briefly, so as not to dwell on the reciprocity of the growing unpleasant feeling.​

Chapter Text

There is nothing more terrible than to see the person you love in unresolved horrors. In the horrors in which you and everyone you also love participate. I had to face such a dilemma for the first time in my life.

The first nightmares that the Collector began to have were out of the ordinary. In our eyes, he was a cheerful and naive child, and to experience how they forced him to turn the other side inside out was truly a terrifying phenomenon.

The Collector was just a child like me who desperately wanted real happiness after a thousand years of imprisonment. They hadn't known this feeling for a long time, and their own mind goes against achieving it. This statement becomes more true over time as the situation worsens.

Nightmares were becoming more frequent. Whereas before we treated them as an unpleasant surprise, now they are an unpleasant routine. It sounds depressing when you think about it. But at least it was possible to prepare for them and resist their influence.

To do this, we tried to make him feel comfortable in every possible way. Both of us even shared the deep troubled past and the pain it had caused us. Everything I did really made them happy, and I was very relieved about it. The burden of nightmares was no longer frightening.

It seemed that everything was going well.

However, this was only a distracting respite.

They were not only getting bigger, but also scarier. Now their essence was not only in the distortion of the past, but also in the destruction of the future. And it seems to me that this change was the main reason why Sirius decided to distance himself.

He started to act very positive, keep himself quiet and stay away from participating. It all became much clearer to me when something completely unexpected happened.

The nightmare that scared me the most was at the start of my best friend's last visit. It still burns strongly in my last memories since It was the first time Sirius could have hurt himself if I hadn't stopped him in time. And he himself told me that he hadn't even realized he was trying to do it. We both decided to keep it a secret between us, and I gave him a chance to work it out, but I was still scared for him. Hearing him now say he couldn't promise told me that even if the starling was still safe and sound to my relief, something didn't give him confidence that it couldn't happen again.

He is my dearest friend. I have special feelings for him and an unforgettable history. Sirius is the brightest person in my life. And the way he hides things from me makes me uneasy.

I'm afraid for him.

Frowning at the thoughts in my head, I looked back at the starling in front of me. His expression was obviously full of fear: he was visibly stiff and sat with his back turned away from my gaze. I felt pretty bad watching this scene but it was necessary to clarify the situation.

​I stood up carefully to see what Eda and Raine were doing downstairs. Walking to the half-open door, I looked back at Sirius, who was now looking at me with an expectant and hopeful expression. This sight instantly lifted my spirit. The couple were talking heatedly about something, most likely drinking alcohol. The fun they had even made me feel envious.

Not wanting to intrude on their lovey-dovey interactions, I decided without further ado that I would spend the entire day with my friend. Eda will always find me if she wants to.

"King?" he asked in a quiet voice as I started to close the door.

"You know," I turned to him cheerfully and saw his confused look, "let's just do something else."

"Weren't we supposed to meet them?" Sirius asked worriedly.

I was pretty sure I didn't want to go there.

This would make my mood even more hard to deal with.

“I think it’s better to leave them alone for now,” I explained without a doubt and walked up to him, expressively raising my paw, “Mom will disturb me anyway.”

Starling raised an eyebrow at this answer and immediately became insolent in his behavior. Sirius squatted down and made a displeased face.

He's going to start whining again.

I'm not against it at all.

"So what are we going to do now?" he said in a biting voice, quickly looking away. "Play again?"

"No," I chuckled lazily, "I don't want to torment you anymore."

A barely noticeable smile appeared on his two-colored face.

He only liked that I teased him like that.

"Wow, this is so merciful," he began to say expressively, which made me easily laugh, "How grateful I am for you."

At such moments, Sirius wouldn't even realize that he looked ridiculous. My heart warmed from this scene.

"Yes, just for now," I began to declare smugly, "So take advantage of this moment."

At this, the other snorted and crossed his arms.

"Just for this moment?" Starling tried to continue my game, but his voice was offended, "What a greedy person you are, King."

"Sirius, I'm kidding," I didn't like the judgment.

"He's kidding, he says," he started to get even more dissatisfied, "But he also doesn't spare my emotional state at all."

"Come on," I took the TV remote and sat down next to him, "I don't treat you that badly. You're just being dramatic again."

He became even more furious and began to actively spread his arms.

"I am "being dramatic"?!" he started demanding justice again, "You've been sucking my emotions out all day!"

Maybe it's just because I miss you every day, idiot?

"So you didn't want to meet me in the morning?" I jokingly began to wait for him to explain, "Maybe I should have ignored you after all?"

I felt my own hurt slip out of my last words, which I immediately regretted.

"What?!" he was visibly deeply offended, "That's not what I meant!"

Nah, I don't want to get further into this.

Ignoring his statement, I continued to do my business.

"King, King, King!!!" he began desperately trying to get my attention, pulling by my shoulders and loudly saying the name.

While I was trying to choose the right choice to watch together, he suddenly picked up a pillow and hit me hard with it.

"Hey!"

That was rude.

"What are you even doing?!" Starling was exhausted by the situation.

"I'm trying to choose something to watch!" I started getting angry at him too.

"Something to watch?" Starling was slightly surprised, and his eyes immediately lit up, "If you turn on that cartoon with the colorful ponies for me, then I will forgive you for today."

"Titan," I was amazed at his addiction, "You've been rewatching all the seasons for the third time already."

"Says the one who never stops watching singing magical girls in secret."

Why does he have to remind me about this?

"Seriously, don't tell anyone," I said threateningly, "Luz will remind me about this for the rest of my life."

"I don't need to," he answered carelessly, and then smiled slyly, "She'll find out about it anyway."

What a rascal.

How does he get good at this?

"Don't talk too much."

"And what are you going to do?" he fought back easily, sitting with a satisfied face.

I thought deeply about this, which surprised my friend.

A great idea came to my mind that brought me back into the mood for fun.

He definitely won't like this.

"I'll make you sleep on the bare floor"

"This is cruel, King!" Sirius was truly horrified, "You can't do that to me!"

"I'll make you if you continue to behave like this."

"I'm not a child anymore!" he openly declared.

"What does that change?"

"This is ridiculous now!"

"So, my first suggestion was ridiculous?" I couldn't help but irritate him, "Okay, I won't talk to you for the whole day."

"Argh, stop it!" he was boiling with anger again, but no longer had the strength for it.

After all this time, I finally settled on one solution. It was our favorite comedy we watched, and it was a great solution to calm past worries.

I turned away from the sudden silence to the side and met a wild gaze, which was emphasized by a pink blush.

My heart started to beat faster.

These strange moments between us were happening more often.

"Is everything good?" I laughed nervously.

"I'm fine," he said quickly and turned abruptly to the TV, trying to escape the embarassing feeling. After a few seconds of focusing, he noted for me, "We watched it."

"And we both liked it then. Why don't we watch it again?"

He wanted to say something to it, but internally gave in.

"Okay," was all he said and he lay back on the couch, completely defeated.

I think he was right about me before.

I really overdid it today...

This is what a god-like routine life does to you.

With a big sigh, I turned on the movie.

After a while, we started to lie under the same blanket and lay with our heads on opposite ends of the couch.

"I don't remember him being that stupid," starling began to comment openly, "It's kind of cute actually."

His weird tastes in everything sometimes amazed me.

Like, he loves pineapple pizza.

"How is that even cute?" I was completely confused.

"You know, not understanding trivial things?" he began to explain calmly with a heartwarming voice, "It makes them look so innocent."

"I still don't get it," his judgment unexpectedly touched my ego.

Several seconds of silence on another side passed.

"You're so stupid," he gritted his teeth, whispering under his breath.

"What did you say?" I definitely heard the quiet voice, but I couldn't make out the words.

Suddenly the door creaked, and I instinctively jumped off the couch.

"So my ears didn't let me down when I heard someone loudly repeating King's name," Eda entered the room and started laughing.

She has a peculiar art of arriving at the wrong time.

"Mom, knock on the door!" I was embarrassed by this sudden scene.

"Oh, come on," she waved her hand and smiled smugly, "You never mind when you're home alone."

I rolled my eyes and lay down again.

Why does his presence affect me so much?

"Hello, Eda!" he raised his hand anxiously with a smile on his face.

"Hey, kid," she laughed heartily at his reaction, "I didn't think you'd come today."

"Why not?" he asked sheepishly, shrinking into himself a little.

"You're usually busy and all that," the woman answered easily, to which she received a sad look, "I also have a hard time finding time for myself."

"Yes, you have been working a lot lately," I noticed this too.

She likes to take on a lot of responsibilities, especially when it comes to children.

I swear that every single one of them already knows her personally here.

"By the way, I brought you snacks."

"Are they expired?" I asked monotonously with a raised eyebrow.

Eda's expression lit up even more.

"So, did you hear how we came here?" the woman began to speak cheerfully, "Oh, King, baba Raine will be sad."

A familiar face suddenly appeared in the doorway.

"I won't," Raine butted into our conversation with an innocent smile.

"Oh!" Eda jumped out from her place herself, "What are you doing here?"

"Just passing by," he said, winking at me, "Hello, Sirius."

Huh?

"Hi, Raine," he squeaked back, and the other made a light chuckle.

"I'm glad you have fun together!"

Raine ran off to the bathroom after saying that, and Eda looked at them with a frozen expression.

"Told Rainestorm not to combine these two drinks," Eda then laughed at the situation and turned back to me, "So, are you going to take them? And yes, they're fine."

"In that case, I have no questions," I walked over and took the bag, I looked at the contents and was very pleased, "Smoked fish? That's really good."

"I caught the chance, as they say," Eda made a pun and then expressed herself with enthusiasm, "Soon we will conquer long horizons!"

"Thank you for the fish, Mom," I was really glad for her, "This is great."

"Raine told me about this today," she informed happily, waving to both of us, "Have a good night to both of you. Especially to you, Iris."

"Thanks!" Sirius blushed a little from shyness.

After she left, we finished watching the comedy and began to fall asleep together.

But I was most worried about the well-being of someone who was on another side.

Bending down out of curiosity, I noticed in front of me how a tired starling, leaning on the armrest, was trying to fight the desire to sleep.

"Hey," I moved closer to him without any extra thought, "I'm here."

He turned abruptly from the voice next to him, as if coming out of a struggling trance.

"We'll get through this together," I grabbed him by the shoulder he was using and pulled him towards me, "No matter what."

He was silent for a while, his eyes darting around.

After a while, the starling came to his senses.

"O-of course," he reluctantly hugged me back, but still pressed himself against me, as if he was afraid that I might disappear.

So we lay together, hugging each other. The grip of his arms was very strong, to understand his present fear easily. They were wrapped around my back, and his head was on my shoulder, whose fluffy hair fell on my skull. Sirius was terribly silent all this time.

"Everything is going to be fine," only from this phrase, he loosened his strong grip, and now his arms hung like noodles.

Somewhere deep inside, I knew that I was trying to convince myself of this.

And it seemed that he had finally fallen asleep.

I took a deep breath and wanted to sleep too.

This situation really didn't give me much hope. The main problem was that the more I tried to comfort him, he distanced himself even further. It's hard to solve it myself, but for him I will do it until the end.

Maybe this would help somehow.

I felt stupid that my power could somehow affect it.

Especially a power that I only used to heal mortals.

"Shhhhhhhhhhhhhh..."

I started to pronounce the tone and stroke his head.

All this made me want to sleep even more.

The white light that came from him was the last thing I saw when I completely passed out.

Chapter Text

My last frustrating worries were replaced by enveloping darkness. As expected, I fell asleep fast in his caring embrace. King always knows how to calm me down in the end. I will forever be grateful to him for his fidelity. My friend still tries hard to help me, despite the growing despair.

This deeply calming feeling was replaced by a sensually pleasant one.

I remembered the warm and long-lasting touch after successful solace. My sensitive skin felt divine, lying on the fluffy surface. The pink blood behind the yellow skin jumped with joy. All of this went away when I started to fall into a deep dream.

The fact that my past came true in this way made me sad. Heavy feelings cannot stop interfering even from the first day, and I can only blame myself for this. They would not be painful if my vision did not begin to sober up long ago.

The irony of fate did not allow me to forget about itself. From the day I began to distance myself from titan, I began to contemplate him better. It made me realize how important he was to me. King was the best person in my life and I wish he would know it.

But the thought of confessing it to him was tearing me apart from the inside.

it made me panic crushingly, reconsidering my own worth.

The most unfortunate thing about my new vision of him is that it started to manifest when I learned of the lost situation of the Archivists.

Antares confirmed the end to the past members long ago. The remnants of the once powerful family finally ceased to exist.

This knowledge led me to the thought of my meaningless existence. I was looking for a family, whom I still had naive dreams of meeting. And I also had the idea of malicious revenge that I mentioned earlier. I hoped that I could at least figure it out myself, as opposed of being repeated to the same questionable narrative. I still considered them a family, even after them leaving me behind. Their undoubtful past concerns still came to my mind. I was deeply lost with the realization that all my hopeful searching was in vain.

This was my only hope to restore my former value. Now I was left with nothing but the emptiness that formed inside.

What did I even do to end up like this besides wanting a happy future?

The answer doesn’t matter anymore.

After all, I decided to leave this depressing mess in the past.

Besides, another exhausting dream is going to come for me. I am sure that it will be a nightmare with the hackneyed theme of my future choices. But the last time, which brought me to the point of breaking the mirror, still shook me.

Consciousness returned to me again when I became aware of the change in sensations. My vision was blurry as my eyes were just beginning to open. With a mentally tired mood, I wanted to look into the familiar dark picture. But in another second I felt the roughness and coarseness on the skin. Frightened by the sudden alien change, I jumped from my place and stood on the ground. With trembling eyes and a petrified demeanor, I changed in expression.

My subconscious mocked me.

It turned out that I was just hugging an ordinary tree from the Boiling Islands.

A resentful chuckle came out of me.

"It's not funny," I commented confidently and felt very offended, "This is just cruel in relation to what he does for me."

What brought me warm and comforting feelings earlier got back to me.

This tiresome mixture was driving me crazy, causing me to finally look away.

I realized with difficulty where the dream sent me again. In front of me was a place that will never leave my memory. It stood there as if it was waiting for my next move.

This was the entrance to the Owl House.

A large reconstructed house with a waiting door was staying in front of me.

"Definitely another nightmare," I made an unquestionable conclusion and a sarcastic grimace along with it. It didn't look like a repeat of the memory in any way. Because of this, I was only in a subdued anticipation of what awaited me next.

Assessing the situation around me, I approached the house carefully. There was only sounds of nature around me. Darkness filled the surroundings, and a white star burned in the dark blue sky.

It caught my attention, and this seemed to make the celestial object even brighter.

When I finally got to the door, I immediately heard it creak. This turn of events scared me and I saw a dark figure in the doorway. It was incredibly familiar, but at the same time deeply disturbing.

"King?" It finally took on its form, and I hated the direction of this nightmare.

His nightmare version rolled his eyes in displeasure after looking at me. A titan made a few unpleasant sounds after that.

"What do you want again?" He asked with a tired voice that began to cut my heart.

It's nothing.

You just have to go through it.

Notes of misery found a place in my thoughts, but I did not betray my usual mood.

"I-I came to visit you!" I decided to follow the lead of this dream, despite the approaching deep anxiety.

Despite my hope I was met with strong indignation from my best friend.

Although it is hard to call him like that, because the nightmare has made us enemies to each other.

“You are so annoying,” this King simply did not stop reminding me of his hatred, and then added a question that piqued my interest, “Why can’t you still understand?”

For the love of Kosmos, I also hate what is happening right now.

"He would never tell me that!" I was not ready to give in to another delusion that would disturb my insufficient inner peace, "Besides, he enjoys spending time with me."

Hearing slipping doubt, he laughed mockingly.

"Stop pretending that you haven't changed. You've known for a long time that he simply tolerates your presence. Because of this, he wants to torment you, just like me."

My confidence visibly wavered and I took a deep breath.

"Not these thoughts repeating again," I said quietly to myself, and calmly refuted them, "Besides, King just has nothing better to do than to irritate me."

"I see you're still trying to lie to yourself," he continued his wicked tirade, then suddenly threatened me with a scowl, "Then let me make it clear again, loser."

Mentally tired from anger, I could no longer even express my offended feelings.

Seeing his twisted image was really bad, but when he got a little bit closer, it created a special kind of psychological horror.

"It was all a game from the moment you met me," his voice was furious, and it scared me no end, "When will you finally move on from me?"

Taking a deep breath to calm down from the heavy atmosphere, I also felt a weak rage inside.

"What?"

Everything he says manages to hurt me.

"You don't want to be here anyway. So why do you keep coming back here?"

This time I remained silent, but the memory of the last night suddenly got in my mind.

The strong fear returned to me again, and now even the air could not distract me from the oppressive environment that had consumed me all this time.

"For someone who was honest with themselves about this, you're acting differently. Hopeless-"

"...I missed them," I finally admitted abruptly, closing my eyes to the previous bunch of thoughts with King's emphasis.

My decision was determined by a nagging desire to feel the painfully familiar joy of Mirabella. I still want to be a part of their heart-warming happiness, despite my deep-seated negative attitude towards everything. They definitely deserve what they want from me even if it's completely wrong being here.

He grinned cruelly at my conscious response.

"And we don't care," the familiar mixed speeches were uttered, and then he himself said to my face, "I especially have no reason to miss someone like you."

"Stop saying that..." my voice was now quiet, and I could no longer hold back the deep pain.

I'm falling back into the emotional trap I've been trying to avoid.

"It always takes you a lot of time to think. This can't go on forever."

The most precious person hates my presence.

How can it not hurt me in any way?

"So I'm ending it all now."

After that, King turned away from me and started walking back into the house, which then sent me into a paralyzing fear.

My dumbfounded face expressed existential horror. ​

His rejection was the most frightening thought of all that came to my mind.

"No," I was saying it to myself like a prayer, while the titan was about to close the door, "No, no, no..."

I tried to catch up to him in a panic, while my legs were having a hard time moving properly.

"WAIT!" I said loudly.

With my unbearably strong desire, King finally stopped. I took another deep breath from what was happening and continued to look at him.

He did not move at all after my suppressed scream. I didn't hear him breathing or any other sound. There was no sign of life in the surrounding world.

I don't know how it's possible to be more terrified than I was before.

But I suddenly noticed a bright presence of suffocating light around after calming down for some time.

"Impossible..."

The sky was crystal white in front of me.

Is this what I think it is?

I've never been able to bring it back. No matter how much I wanted to do it in my nightmares, I just couldn't do it... Maybe this book on managing the dream world actually helped me?

Not far from the house, I instinctively reached out to immerse in a familiar shroud of peace. It beckoned me to stop and clear my mind. After listening to it, I closed my eyes and stopped thinking about past questions.

But then a completely new question came to me.

Am I being tricked again?

My trust issues came back but the glow completely calmed me down in time. I remembered the wonderful things King had done for me last night and I finally got a weak smile back after the terrifying event.

Forgetting everything for a moment, I didn't immediately feel the white light disappear. Only the sounds around made me aware of the return of movement. I didn't have time to fully react before the door loudly closed behind my back.

Wait-

This last begging word appeared in my mind.

It was all over as soon as I realized that he had left me.​