Chapter Text
September 16th
“Louis, get your ass over here, please?” He says something in agreement, my head hurts too much to understand him fully. I mumble the name of the bar near Kearny to my brother, it's like… 3 am and shits spooky. Praying I don’t get mugged. Hooking up with a cute dude is all fun and games until you wake up on the curb all cut up with no memory of when and how you got there. I wish I could remember his face, or his name, or anything about him for that matter. The bar closed an hour ago and it takes another 20 minutes for Louis to pick me up. I watch his car pull up in front of me, the window rolling down for my brother to yell, “Get in the damn car, Ray.” I do my best to drag myself to the passenger seat, still out of it from whatever I took and/or drank.
“Jesus man, what happened to you?” Louis grabs my arms to examine the injuries, I shrug at him, not having an answer prepared.
“I don’t know, I don’t remember shit except for some stupid hookup.” Louis snorts at my response, his go-to after was making fun of me for being into some weird pain kink. I ignore him and tell him to start driving, the last thing I want right now is for his mouth to be open.
Louis told me to be quiet when we arrived home because Martin was asleep. That was the least of my concerns right now, I’m too exhausted to even think about bothering him. I plugged in my flip phone and instantly tried to sleep, but at the same time, desperately trying to remember what the hell happened earlier tonight.
September 17th
I woke up to a loud ass knocking at my door, and I assume the worst. Frank Iero yelling at me to get up only confirms my fears. Forcing myself out of bed, I started pulling on whatever clothes were closest to me, blue jeans and a Powerslave baseball shirt. I opened the door to Frank all giddy telling my brothers we were going to be back late. He fixes his orangish-red wannabe mohawk while turning back to me and tried desperately to drag me outside. Thankfully he lets me grab a coffee before leaving, seeing as we’re going to be walking wherever. It’s the middle of the afternoon so I don’t comment on how hyper he is.
“Dude, Pencey got a basement show,” He shoves his hands in his jacket pockets, “making you head there with me, we’re practicing for a bit before and since you’re such a guitar god, you can help me with shit.”
I roll my eyes at him. I can’t be mad at him for wanting to have a perfect performance, Pencey Prep being his passion project. I agreed to help him although I don’t think I had a choice. It takes us around 10 minutes to reach some dude's house and get into his basement. Coming in one after the other, Bruno, Tim, John, Shaun, and Neil show up after us. John, Frank, and Neil work on their parts together, tuning their guitars and setting up their pedals, Tim warming up, and Shaun and Bruno are doing whatever. Shaun Simon is the only person I recognize in Franks band, every one else is practically a stranger to me. I found a couch to lay on, waiting for something to happen, I wish I brought my Gameboy or at least a comic to entertain me, not like I knew we were coming here though. I take notice of the cuts over my arms again, deciding to try and remember the face of whoever did this to me. The scrapes go down my arms, like someone was trying to claw at me, I could tell that they were deep enough to draw a good amount of blood. All that I remember is that I ended up getting shitfaced at the bar and his red eyes, but like his iris’ were red, not like weed, although I could’ve been seeing red eyes due to whatever I took. Pencey starts rehearsing, Bruno doesn’t look confident at all screaming into the mic. Before the band finishes rehearsing their set, people slowly start filling the basement, prompting Pencey to end playing early. Frank sits next to me while the rest of them go off into the crowd, saying hi to friends and just people they know.
“Oh shit dude, what happened?” Frank takes notice of my arms and pulls up my sleeve to see how far they go. Are they only on my arms?
“Uhh, I’m not sure…” I try to come up with a suitable answer for Frank, knowing he won’t accept ‘I’m not sure’ as a response.
“Did like…you get fucked up by a cat? Or something?”
“I wish. All I know is that I hooked up with some dude and I woke up like this,” Frank shows the same reaction as Louis, instantly laughing, “It's nothing serious man, just drop it 'cause not even I know what happened.”
He agrees to leave the topic alone, pulling down my sleeve in the process. I can tell he still wants me to talk about it, I would if I could. Frank starts ranting about Pencey and how they’re starting to gain more attention, audibly excited. As he talks about the rising popularity of his band, the people keep showing up, making the basement a little cramped. Just as I take notice of the crowd, someone calls Frank's name. I can’t see much of him, just that the dude is kind of taller and he has glasses. Frank shoots a quick apology to me and runs off to see what that kid wants. While he’s gone I scan the basement in case there’s someone there I recognize, however, no one. Just as I was getting bored again, Frank runs over to me freaking out. I had to take a moment to calm him down, he was practically hyperventilating.
“Dude…Bruno, he….Bruno ditched man. He said…something about his stupid fuckin nerves, oh my goddd.” He groans and flops into my lap. I pat his side, trying to offer some sort of comfort. I try suggesting that he sing instead, “...you basically know every single lyric by heart, man.”
Frank keeps finding reasons to not sing, primarily that he sounds like shit. He puts too much pressure on himself to make this thing perfect, but I admire it. I remind him that either he sings or they’re going to play a show with no vocals, which makes him snap out of his self-pity party and agree to sing. I stay at my spot on the couch, having a pretty good view. Frank gets on stage as well as the other members, they all look nervous about Bruno's absence. Frank introduces himself and his band and they begin playing. The nerves of the band began to wear off as they started their set, playing select songs from their album. Frank’s voice is unique, obviously having no previous experience with singing, not that I could do any better. But with Frank taking the role as the frontman, I noticed that there was more energy in the crowd than there was during previous shows, most likely due to how passionate he is about playing. It’s entertaining to watch.
The show ends about an hour later, Frank talks to the crowd after, finally saying his goodbyes after his ramblings. He drops his guitar off next to me but ends up running off somewhere. I follow him, I don’t think he wants his guitar unattended but oh well. I caught up with Frank and he’s geeking out and hugging the boy from earlier. I’m not…mad… but, why him? Why is this random kid the person Frank runs up to rather than, oh, I don’t know, his best friend? I guess I was kind of glaring at them because Frank’s friend told him I was standing behind him. Frank almost looks surprised to see me.
“Shit, man! Forgot you two don’t know each other, Ray this is…” he hesitates when he makes eye contact with the kid, “...Mikey Way and the goth kid behind him is his brother, Gerard!” I look behind Mikey only to find eyes glaring daggers at me. I mumbled hi to them and only Mikey said hi in response. I was able to get a better look at him, he had shaggy light brown hair that was obviously straightened to all hell and more of a casual emo-style outfit. I wasn’t about to warm up to him though, no matter how cool he looked. I know it was petty of me to be jealous but when you’re not the first pick of your best friend, that shit hurts. Gerard, however, I wasn’t able to see clearly, as he was hidden behind Mikey and dressed in all black. He was still glaring at me, he was kind of scary. I was snapped out of my thoughts when Mikey announced that he and Gerard needed to leave, earning a disappointed groan from Frank. They hug goodbye and Mikey gives me a small wave, Gerard not moving or speaking. As the brothers started walking away, I couldn’t help but take in Gerard's appearance. He was well dressed despite all of his clothes blending into each other. By the look of his hands and the brief glance I got at his face, he was extremely pale, he wore red eyeshadow all around his eyes which added a slight pop of color to him. The only other color on him was on his hands, under his nails. It was a deep red color, almost like blood, there’s no way it was him.
Frank was all of a sudden waving his hand in front of my face, saying stupid shit like, “Earth to Ray.” I smack his hand away from my face, Frank acting hurt by this.
“Not my fault you’re staring at Gerrarddddd” He drags out his name, obviously assuming I’m staring for other reasons.
“And you’ve been makin’ eyes at Mikey, or whatever his name is.” Frank went quiet and told me to shut up. I began to make fun of him because at least his crush was obvious…not that I was crushing or something.
“Ray, it’s not like that. Mikey’s just a friend I met at a show one day and we’ve been kind of hanging out and he’s kind of cool and we kind of smoke weed together, but it’s not what you think! He’s…uhm…a friend.” He continued to ramble on about his friend, Frank couldn’t keep a secret to save his band's life.
By the time everyone had cleared out of the basement, Frank and I decided to part ways, both of us walking home alone. At least it gave me more time to think, as if that wasn’t what I’d been doing the whole day. I go back to my thoughts about Gerard, does he even seem like the type to hook up with someone and scratch them up during it? He’s obviously very intimidating, even if he's shorter than me, let alone Mikey. He didn’t have red eyes either. His were more green…or brown… or a mix of both. They were still pretty though, especially how the color contrasted against his eyeshadow. Maybe I shouldn’t think about some stranger's eyes. I try shaking the thoughts of him out of my head, focusing on getting home.
By the time I reach my door, Louis and Martin are waiting for me in the kitchen. They start to interrogate me about the gig, asking about how it went and if Frank found some way to mess it up. Wish I could say yes. I rant about how Bruno ditched, that Frank filled in for him, and how he’s hopelessly crushing on Mikey. I leave out anything about Gerard, knowing they’d assume that I’m into him. The conversation ends and I end up going to bed early, the worst part about attempting to be responsible is that I have work now, love money but not dealing with the mental exhaustion afterward. As much as I know I shouldn’t, I end up falling asleep thinking about the red under Gerard's nails, and the color of his eyes.
September 18th
It’s a slow day at Roca, but then again who randomly goes to a small used music store in Belleville? Thankfully my managers are nice enough to put a TV and a chair for me to sit on so I’m not standing for hours on end. Bored, I pick up one of the old guitars by the front and begin playing. Nothing specific, just random songs mashed together that I can’t get out of my head. Being lost in an instrument usually has its perks, unless you’re on the job and don’t notice when someone walks into the store.
“Hey, you’re Ray, right? From Frank's show?” I look up to see Mikey leaning on the counter, invested in what I’m playing.
“Uh, yeah…what’s up?”
“Nothing much, just watching you play. Are you in a band?” I shake my head no and he continues, “I’ve always wanted to be in a band, no one lets me join them though…” He keeps rambling on, I’m only half listening to him. “Do you want to start a band? I mean…you’re really good at guitar, and I have some friends that I could probably ask to join-”
“Ask Frank,” I cut him off, “He’s usually the kid to ask about that type of stuff.” He looks taken aback by my response, mumbling sorry after. I feel kind of bad for the kid, he’s obviously a lot younger than me, his whole demeanor gives it away. Maybe Gerard is older than him. I tell Mikey he's fine after he apologizes, not wanting him to feel too awkward. He walks off, checking out the rest of the store and I go back to strumming. After playing a few songs, I hear Mikey walking back up, talking to someone. He sets some bass strings down on the counter, I look up to see him continuing his conversation with Gerard. I hesitate before ringing them up.
“Is…is that all?” Anyone could tell by the tone of my voice that I was nervous as all hell. Mikey nods at me and hands me some cash, Gerard snapping his head towards my direction at the sound of my voice. The glare from last night returns, creeping me out more than anything. I hand Mikey his change and his bass strings in a bag, mumbling a bye to them. Mikey has to practically drag Gerard away, he being too focused on trying to kill me with his gaze.
The day goes back to being uneventful, even after returning home. But later that night, Frank calls me up, asking if I want to go crash a party with him. I have work tomorrow too, but I guess I could go. We ended up carpooling with one of his friends, Dewees, Frank called him. When we pull up to whoever's house, Frank instantly runs off with Dewees, leaving me stranded in a house with strangers. Throughout the night, I ended up picking up a red solo cup, typical, and standing in a corner. I didn’t recognize anyone besides Frank. I’ve only seen him a few times, though. One of the times he noticed me standing alone, he dragged me into a group of his friends, they all seemed to know each other well, leaving me feeling more alone than I originally was. All the noise was getting too much for me, I had to excuse myself from the group but I don’t think anyone really cared. I stepped outside and pulled out a pack of cigarettes, only smoking them when I was stressed. I made my way to the end of the driveway, leaning against someone's car and enjoying the cold air. I heard someone walking up to me, and it was only until he spoke that I cared.
“Could I uh…get one?” I turn to look at who spoke, and to my surprise, I’m met with Gerard. I pull a cigarette out of the box and hand it to him, he lights it with his own lighter. We end up standing there in silence, smoking together. I caught a glimpse of his eyes, but he was focused on my arms, on all the cuts going down them. He doesn’t comment, thankfully. It was only moments after that Frank and Mikey came outside together, calling our names. They spot us smoking and join us, mostly talking to Gerard. The thing that catches my attention about their conversation was Mikey poking fun at Gerard for apparently hooking up with someone a few days ago. The same day I woke up in the alley. My eyes narrow in suspicion but I don’t look at either of them. Gerard dismisses Mikey, mostly telling him to shut up. Gerard’s voice is higher than I expected, it makes him less intimidating, but not by much. At the mention of a hookup, he starts staring at me again, not glaring like usual, however. I notice his eyes dart from my face to my arms to back to my face. I was growing more and more uncomfortable by the minute. I pull out my flip phone and text Frank that I need to leave. Speed walking away from the group as soon as I pressed send. Frank didn’t respond, probably too invested in his conversation with the Way brothers.
It took me a while to get home, struggling to remember the way Dewees took to get us to the party. I made it home eventually, Louis asking if I was alright when I walked through the door visibly exhausted. I mumbled how I was fine and made a B-line for my room. I feel bad for ditching the party, especially Frank, but I just felt too out of place. I continue to stare out of my window, a street light illuminating the backyard. I felt sleep overtake me, but I could’ve sworn I saw a pair of red eyes staring in my direction.