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The seemingly endless paperwork obscuring the view from his seat simply vanished over time as he worked himself to the bone. Now, only left with his thoughts, Wriothesley found himself sighing, daydreaming about a certain silver-haired man again.
Sipping on his teacup, he realized that months had passed ever since the prophecy unfolded and reminded that the same damned tea he’s drinking was given by Neuvillette himself.
Wriothesley never attempted to delve deeper, that the presents meant no other but he’s a starved man, desiring affection, touch and love. He always stopped thinking about it the moment his mind reminded him of it, tucking those memories of small, sweet gestures in the deep recesses of his mind. And inevitably, amidst the denial, Wriothesley just kept on falling and falling for the Iudex Neuvillette.
He told no one about it.
Unspoken and bottled up.
A can of worms.
A feeling that must be buried in the depths of Fontaine, to not see the light hence his relationship with Neuvillette would be jeopardized.
And yet, it only took another smile to create another spark, to ignite that love he harbored for Neuvillette once again. In this meeting, the Administrator stared fondly at Neuvillette rambling about the water he loved so, so much. Endeared that this man chose his company over the others; relaxed to the point he shared his interests.
In the end, Wriothesley wryly smiled to himself at these thoughts: That if these feelings won’t be known, it would be a regret he’d be brooding over his entire life.
“But, I am a criminal unworthy of your love.”
The following months had been hectic. Moreso when an invitation arrived on his desk one Wednesday morning, asking for his attendance in a formal party hosted by a marquis. He would have turned this one down if not for the intriguing agenda he was presented with.
Tapping on his desk, the cogs and gears turned in his mind on how he’d attend by not catching anyone’s attention. Maybe just attend the meeting but not the formal party itself?
He nodded to himself.
Yes, that could be a solution. He’d just attend for the sake of checking on what they’re attempting to do, especially now that the highest authority in Fontaine wasn’t the archon anymore but the Chief Justice.
Wriothesley exhaled at the thought.
It’s only for the sake of appearances, and his duty as the highest noble in the peerage. He might need to visit Chioriya’s Boutique though.
And when the said party came, he walked the halls in confidence and settled himself in the back as the meeting finally began. Someone stepped on the podium and only then he noticed their guest seated on the front, the appendages on his hair a familiar sight now.
Wriothesley smiled to himself, leaning back lazily as he observed the whole hall.
As the said meeting progressed, he’d have to agree that his time wasn’t wasted. He might have to meet the marquis separately though, to discuss the matters behind closed doors rather than here. While he didn’t care how the public perceived him, he’d rather not have an article about him published any time soon.
The meeting adjourned after two hours, leaving behind the marquis and his wife talking to the Chief Justice, thanking him for his participation. The duke still observed them until he deemed it the time to make his entrance and walked down the steps, alerting them.
Neuvillette turned around to see the duke in his full glory. He forewent his usual attire and replaced it with a three piece suit and instead of his usual combat boots, he opted for formal boots. The long trench coat hung on his shoulders and wore his complete regalia denoting his status as a duke.
“A pleasant evening to you, Chief Justice.”
Neuvillette smiled, noticed by the couple beside him. “I thought His Grace didn’t attend.”
“His Grace?” murmured the marquis, astonished at how young he looked.
“As the Duke, I have to present at the peerage’s events, don’t you think so?”
“Of course.”
Wriothesley turned to the marquis, telling him, “I’d seek the Marquis one of these days and discuss the agenda you’ve presented to us. Be assured though that I’m interested in this project of yours.”
“Thank you, Your Grace.”
He nodded solemnly and offered his arm to Neuvillette to which the Iudex gladly held as they exited. They navigated through the halls in silence, avoiding the party and crowd.
“Is Your Honor going home already? The night is still young.”
Neuvillette inclined his head to him. “Parties are and will never be my, as per your words, cup of tea.”
Wriothesley chuckled, humored by his choice of words. “That’s indeed true. We share that sentiment in this regard.”
They continued walking towards the carriage owned by Neuvillette and the Iudex broke the silence, “You seemed nervous. Is something the matter?”
Huffing, he remarked, “I cannot escape your observant eyes, Your Honor.”
“So, what is our dearest duke so concerned about?”
You.
Wriothesley swallowed at the thought of the Chief Justice, reminded of how close they were. “It’s nothing too…” Important. “Concerning, per se.”
The duke helped him enter the carriage and bade goodbye, much to the Iudex’s disappointment that their time was cut short.
“Good night, Your Grace.”
“May you have a lovely evening, Your Honor.”
As the carriage sped away, Wriothesley ran his hand through his raven locks.
Right, these feelings should be buried.
“Let your feelings be known.”
“Pardon?”
“As you’ve said, it would ultimately be your greatest regret for them not to know. Even if they don’t reciprocate it, at least you let them know, right?”
“It’s…” An uncharacteristic stutter. “It’s not that easy.”
“I thought His Grace is feared by all. He’s blunt, cunning, and I can name all of them if I wanted to.” The small figure turned to him again, arms akimbo. “Why does he look defeated now when he’s the champion of the Pankration ring?”
“This and that are different.”
“Similar, but not the same.”
Wriothesley sighed, leaning back on his chair and looking at the ceiling pensively.
“Thank you for seeking my advice about this, Your Grace.”
Huffing, he replied, “Just swear an oath of secrecy, my dear Head Nurse.”
Sigewinne giggled, knowing whom he’s referring to.
✧✧✧
A love so fierce, it tears me apart
And yet, here I am afraid to let it out
✦✦✦
When has this even started? I don’t know.
✦✦✦
This love, holding it in for years
Haunting me, even in my dreams
✧✧✧
“You seem preoccupied, Your Grace.”
“A little weary, to be honest.” He sighed. “Can we take a break?”
Neuvillette’s expression contorted to concern, nearly reaching out to him if not for his self-control. Hastily grabbing an empty goblet from the side, he filled it with water and handed it to him.
Wriothesley gladly accepted and drank it. Once he put it down, he stood up and said, “I’ll be back in a few minutes, Your Honor. It’s…”
“It’s fine, Your Grace. Have some fresh air outside. We’ll be continuing our meeting after the break.”
“Thank you, Your Honor.”
Wriothesley fooled Neuvillette, like he fooled himself; that everything was fine even when it’s not. He gasped for air once more when he’s out of Palais Mermonia and went to the back where people didn’t frequently go to.
Gasping a lungful of air, he nearly collapsed if not for his body leaning on the railing.
Seeing Neuvillette ungloved hands and pale neck turned him to something else it seemed. The air became stifling; he couldn’t breathe. He showed not the shortness of his breath but held onto it until the water quenched the thirst. It soothed his nearly arid throat, true, but it ignited a heat he knew won’t be quelled easily by water.
He held onto his head with both hands.
Shameful.
It’s shameful to think of the Iudex like this.
To desire him carnally; a sacrilegious act he wished not to partake in and a sin he wished not to commit.
And yet—
Wriothesley heaved more breaths, frustrated about these feelings in his chest. It would swallow him whole at this point.
As he calmed himself down, thinking of those papers they’re reviewing, he reminded himself to put a certain, respectable distance between them.
Yet Wriothesley knew he would ultimately fail because the moment the Iudex fondly smiled at him just before he exited the Chief Justice’s office after today’s meeting, he’s bound to seek him more.
✧✧✧
Love makes me appreciate the small things
Realizing, I’m also worthy of perceiving it
✦✦✦
You drive me crazy but I love it all the same.
✦✦✦
The devil whispers to not let you know
Determined, I don’t want to let you go
✧✧✧
Wriothesley finished his work for today and his feet led him to the overworld, on the bridge behind the Opera Epiclese. He’d been standing there for a while now, pondering about himself and his feelings threatening to show up on the surface.
Familiar steps on the cobblestones snapped him out of his reverie, not even noticing how a smile bloomed on his face. It’s followed by the rhythmic taps of a cane until it eventually stopped, and yet he still didn’t turn around to see who it was.
“I didn’t expect Your Grace here,” said the voice he loved so, so much.
Wriothesley peeked over his shoulder, a smile still plastered on his lips. “You always stay here after arduous trials, Your Honor, and I want to know why.”
Stepping beside him, Neuvillette replied, “The waters, even though tumultuous at times, they always calm me down.”
Wriothesley peeked at him from the corner of his eyes then snorted. “I can see the appeal.”
That earned him a chuckle and hearing those chime-like sounds once again lit his insides, ready to combust.
“Indulging yourself here would mean that something’s bothering you, Your Grace.”
He barked out a laugh. “I can’t really escape the ever watchful eyes of our Chief Justice.”
Neuvillette huffed, putting the cane before him and holding it with both hands.
“Pray tell, Your Honor, what advice can you give this lowly one about relationships?”
Neuvillette uncharacteristically raised an eyebrow. “I’m afraid I’m not much help in that aspect, Your Grace. To maintain my impartiality, the only ones I considered close to my person are the Melusines. I have no personal—” Neuvillette immediately halted his words, remembering how he told the Traveler about his personal relationship with the Duke of Meropide.
Wriothesley hummed, nonetheless, pleased by the indication of those words.
Neuvillette cleared his throat. “To be honest, I already considered you a close acquaintance. One that I know I can trust, not only with the Melusines, but also my life.”
A lungful of air was punched right through Wriothesley’s chest upon hearing those words. The warden swallowed thickly, struggling to contain the simmering inside of him. After a few moments of silence, he smiled wryly. “I’m honored that you think highly of me, monsieur.”
If I don’t tell him my feelings now…
“Then, tell me, Wriothesley. What truly bothers you? I might not be of help but I can listen to ease your burdens even if it’s just a little.”
Truly, he’s unworthy to be cared for by this man. It’s unbelievable at this point but those words sparked hope in him. A sliver, but there. Reassured that, at least, Neuvillette would be willing to hear him out.
And for Wriothesley, that’s enough.
Enough to pour everything out, to calm the overwhelming emotions brewing within him for years.
Years.
Yes, it’s been years that he’d stared at the Iudex from afar, yearning for someone who would never become his. That his feelings just keep on overflowing over the course of time, becoming helpless about the worsening predicament.
And there’s only a way for him to ease it—pour out his heart now, offer it on a silver platter and let the Chief Justice judge him if he’s worthy or not.
“Your Honor,” Wriothesley called, finally facing him and reaching onto his hand.
Slightly taken aback, he gasped, “Your Grace, what is—”
“I suppose, it’s about time that I should be honest about my…” He swallowed and squeezed his hand. “Feelings.”
A soft gasp escaped Neuvillette’s lips and held onto the cane tighter. “You…”
“If I don’t say this aloud, I fear it would eat me alive… that these…” His other hand held onto his chest, crumpling his shirt thereafter. “Whatever these feelings I’ve held for you would just one day become my downfall. My regrets.”
Neuvillette inhaled sharply.
Shaking his own head, the ravenet whispered audibly for him to hear, “I don’t want them to be my greatest regrets.”
A moment of silence hung between them but the Chief Justice patiently waited for his next words, encouraging him by squeezing his hand back, reassuring that everything would be fine.
Wide icy blue eyes stared at him; lips moving hesitantly until he found the right words. “All this time, I’ve always admired you from afar.”
In a split second, those draconic eyes turned to slits before they reverted back, replaced by a gentle look and a small smile on his lips.
Wriothesley swallowed again, looking down at their entwined hands.
“Until it devolved into something that I shouldn’t harbor for you…”
“You mean…”
Wriothesley’s eyes now brimmed with tears, threatening to fall any second.
Neuvillette crowded his space, foregoing his cane to cup the ravenet’s face with both hands. “Wriothesley, please don’t cry…”
“I…”
“You don’t have to push yourself if—”
“I have always loved you.”
Time seemingly paused for Neuvillette.
The sound of the falling water nearby muted as he processed the words uttered by the duke. He gasped in surprise, truly astonished by what he heard. Many people had admired him, loved him to the point of obsession. But he knew in his heart the moment those tears fell down that it’s genuine love. Not an object to be possessed, and definitely not an obsession to be kept.
As those tears seeped into his gloves and onto his skin, Neuvillette deciphered the emotions behind them. He could name each flowing emotion but he discovered it to be so profound that he’d rather express his answer in another way.
Neuvillette huffed fondly, still looking at the duke and wiped his tears away. Wriothesley held onto his wrists weakly, trembling, rivulets of tears still spilling from his eyes.
The duke heaved another breath, whispering as he closed his eyes, “I love you.”
Everything’s out in the open and Wriothesley’s chest lightened as he uttered those words. With the relief washing over him, anxiety followed it. When he opened his eyes to Neuvillette looking at him with so much fondness, he could only cry again.
“Silly,” Neuvillette muttered then chuckled at his dumbfounded expression when he said that aloud. “You should have told me right from the start, Wriothesley.”
His baritone voice soothed him, liking his name rolling on his tongue; loving his hands still holding onto him with so much care and love.
Bewildered by the unholy thoughts now in his mind, Wriothesley stammered, “No, I… I couldn’t…”
“My sweet duke,” called Neuvillette as he kissed his eyelid and tightly embraced him. “But, you did confess just now, didn’t you?”
“Am I truly allowed to love you like this?” He hiccuped, returning the embrace but his whole body wracked with trembles, still in disbelief about what’s happening. “I won’t ask for it to be returned. I just wanted you to know.”
“Hush it, my love, my duke,” whispered Neuvillette, voice thick with emotions.
The intensity of Wriothesley’s feelings surged to him in tidal waves. Overwhelming him but he remained firm, accepting whatever this mortal human gave him.
Right from the start, the moment he met the ravenet again after his sentence ended, at the time he received his title as the duke, he’s nothing but drawn to Wriothesley’s charming and charismatic presence. Throughout their years of collaboration for the betterment of Fontaine, he’s found himself attracted to him.
Neuvillette showered him with presents over the years, subtly showing how he cared for him and he knew Wriothesley was cognizant of it but chose not to complicate things.
The Iudex understood it, and accepted their unspoken, tacit agreement on that issue and decided to keep his feelings. He’s still the Chief Justice after all and couldn’t favor anyone. Not even the only duke.
“Neuvillette…” muttered Wriothesley, still clinging onto him, holding him like he’s his lifeline.
Neuvillette never cried, not even when he lost Carole and Vautrin; the skies did that for him.
However, right now, his blurry sight told him of another thing and the skies remained in scarlets and oranges, the setting sun illuminating their figures.
His lilac eyes finally shed tears; not of sorrow, but of joy. Something that even he, the Hydro Sovereign, found absurd.
Neuvillette drew in another deep breath and parted from Wriothesley to cup his face again and bumped their foreheads. “You also deserve this love, Wriothesley.”
✧✧✧
This love, my heart bled for
This love, worth fighting for
✦✦✦
I’ll protect you and the feelings you’ve given me.
✦✦✦
This bleeding love, reciprocated
This bleeding love, cherished
✧✧✧
Fin