Chapter Text
Nothing's even open now. It was such a stupid idea to come out at this time. Not like she would ever have time anywhere else. Why even bother to come here in the first place then? Taki Shiina didn't have an answer to the questions she asked herself as she mindlessly wandered around the stores. Nothing in the windows really caught her eye, not that she was even particularly looking. There was no goal to this excursion, she simply couldn't stand to be sitting inside all day wasting away until the next thing on her schedule showed up.
Everything felt like it was moving past her recently. Nothing really seemed to be going her way, recently, though now it all felt so mind-numbingly tiring. Every day she would work on the music, try to wrangle that Stray Cat to practice, listen to Anon's ramblings, and whatever the hell Soyo was always rambling about. She didn't hate them, they were bandmates after all. She had to like them, this was going to be the rest of her life. There was no time to hate them, even if she wanted to. It was her job to keep this running smoothly for Tomori. For her.
She's stronger than that. Stronger than falling into hatred, letting your feelings get the better of her. Taki Shiina will not allow CRYCHIC to happen again, no matter what comes her way. It doesn't matter what she thinks of her bandmates, no matter how ridiculous and annoying they can be. There has to just be something to do out here. Too much thinking for one night.
It was late out by now, the young moonlight reflecting off the windows of the closed shops. Not many lights were on, most people already choosing to go to bed and prepare for the day tomorrow. Logically she should too, but it's not as if she got much sleep anyway. She at least felt a small sense of comfort in the fact that these busy streets at this time had thinned their numbers, making her only of few, instead of one of dozens wandering the streets at this hour.
"Th-Thank you, Ano-Chan..."
That voice. It came from over there, down on the steps. No. She can't be here. What is she doing out here so late? What if she's in danger? The thought rushed through her mind. No, what a ridiculous idea. Don't panic for no reason.
A light giggle came out in response to Tomori, followed by,
"You're so cute, Tomorin."
It would be completely acceptable to simply call out to them, they certainly wouldn't mind. There would be no such action taken. Instead, she inched forward quietly, bringing her gaze down to the dimly lit stairs. There they were, the two of them, sitting side by side. Extremely close. Too close.
"Really...?"
"Of course! You're always so sweet to everyone. You really mean a lot to me."
Yeah, we all know that. She's always been cute. Wait, wait wait... Are they... holding hands?
"Ano-Chan... Your hand is so warm..."
Why can't she move? Just say something. This is too much to watch. The two simply stared into each other's eyes, Tomori looking nervous as ever, Anon looking strangely confident. What an idiot. What is she even triyng to do here? This whole thing is embarrassing to watch. Yeah, that's it. It's embarrassing.
"Tomorin..."
For the couple on the stairs, they were sharing what would end up being one of the most memorable moments of their lives, a moment that you remember long into the future. A first kiss. It seemed that this band had now spawned new love, true love.
In that moment, just briefly, Taki Shiina could feel the world stop moving. Not a single part of her body was able to move, a complete shock to her senses. A lightning bolt directed right at her body, coming to burn everything she held dear. Her hand covered her mouth to stop her from yelling something stupid, cowering behind the bench she peeked from behind, averting her eyes from the scene.
What was supposed to be a rare moment of peace, turned into the beginning of a nightmare for her. Why did this have to happen to her? It's so unfair. It's all unfair. This is all so stupid. It felt like her heart was about to explode. What do you even do? Why does this feel so bad? It's Tomori's choice who she wants to be with. It shouldn't matter. Shut up. I don't know. She wasn't supposed to see that. What the hell is she even doing, watching her like some sick voyeur?
Another headache. She stopped trying to count how many she would get in a day. This one was worse than usual though, far worse, like a bullet was going through her brain. At least if it was a bullet, it would've left her head by now. Not this pain, it simmered in her brain, spreading to all parts of it, infecting it, conquering it. It wouldn't go away, no matter what direction her mind wandered. Every direction around her was an impassable wall. In the distance, she could hear the couple's embarrassed reactions from their sudden boldness, followed by, as expected, tender compliments and praises being exchanged. Here she was, feeling like her head was being crushed by the weight of these feelings.
Inescapable, that's how this feeling always was. Her mind had never been able to escape this prison it found itself in. If this was a prison, then this must be her sentence being carried out. Her punishment for being like this, unable to do anything. There was only one method of escape now. To run. So that's what she did, it didn't even matter if they heard if she ran fast enough, so that's what she did. As she ran she could hear a "Woah!" come from Anon's mouth, surprised at the sound of someone suddenly racing through the shops. She would have no idea who it was though. She couldn't.
That was how many days ago? About a little less than a week she thought. She stopped keeping track. Every day stopped moving so fast since then, instead they all became painstakingly slow. Taki laboured through each day, going to school, same as always. Umiri seemed to be giving her more "gifts" than usual. Yesterday, the regular juice box came with a small panda keychain, along with a strange comment about how she can rely on people. How ridiculous. She doesn't know what's going on. No one does.
After school would either come work or practice. Practice wasn't just a pain now it felt, but a complete assault on the senses. The day moved at a snail's pace as she couldn't help but focus on each and every minute detail, everything under a microscope. First she would arrive just as always, promptly followed by Soyo Nagasaki. Soyo would give her regular greeting, excruciatingly cordial. It was difficult to tell whether her behaviour was on purpose or not. She always seemed to be good at reading people, could she tell? Does she know what's going on between those two?
It seemed obvious enough as they walked through the door, holding hands like... Like some sort of couple. Anon proudly paraded herself through the door, pulling Tomori along by the hand. Doesn't she have any decency? Ridiculous.
"Sorry we're late!"
They're not even late. Why does she just say that sometimes?
"It's whatever. Just get ready. We're playing the new song."
"Wh-What about Raana-chan?"
It was almost comical to her at this point how easily she fell for her, how she really was the only one that truly mattered. If it were anyone else she would have spat out a 'who cares?' because at this point, it doesn't matter. She couldn't do it like her. Like *she* did. It was a pointless act she always put on, one that really seemed to get her nowhere. Something, somewhere went wrong. This had to be the case. The evidence was right in front of her, as the two comfortably held hands, the way Tomori seemed to almost be behind her as she nervously asked where her friend was.
Not to her though. It was Tomori Takamatsu that asked the question. The one all this stupid charade had been for. She couldn't just give up now, expose herself as a fraud to everyone. No, because that's what *she* did. When it got too hard for her, she left Tomori in the rain. That was the difference between Taki Shiina and Sakiko Togawa.
"I don't know."
That was the best answer she could come up with. For some reasons she had just hoped that if they started practice fast enough, the issue would resolve itself. She didn't show up the day before either. Normally, there would be a more concrete answer for this, she would simply bribe her to show up. What a pain. It's all so ridiculous, all these theatrics she's done the past year to keep this show going. Why won't they just listen? Is this really all she would get from this?
"Didn't you say you were going to talk to her? How did it go?"
"I did. It wasn't productive."
"Eh? What happened?"
"Nothing you need to worry about. She simply refused, that's all. She comes and goes whenever she likes."
"Normally she shows up to play, at least. Did you say something?"
"Don't go accusing me of anything."
"Rikki... I'm not trying to accuse you of anything, but ever since you said you would do that she hasn't been showing up."
"If one of us isn't coming anymore, I think we should at least talk about it."
In times like these, Soyo Nagasaki always remained quiet and reserved, observing the situation until she could make a verdict. It seemed that she had finally made hers on this matter, that we Raana has simply been away for too long, it's disrupting the band. Really, it was a reasonable position, one she had vowed to fix before. But after that day, she simply couldn't bring herself to bother with it anymore.
"There's nothing to say. I can't simply get her to come."
"Didn't you used to give her a parfait? Just text her that."
"I can't keep spending my money on things like this. It's absurd."
Soyo simply looked thoughtfully at her after this response. Looking right through her. Taki Shiina was not stupid, however. She could see through her as well, she knew exactly what she was thinking to herself. Yeah, I'm not *her*, okay? Get over yourself, already. Why don't you try it?
"But how else are we going to get her to come..."
Anon quickly jumped back in, completely oblivious to the mental battle occurring right in front her, just as always was.
"It's her responsibility to come here. I can't be expected to pick up all the work."
"Is... Raana-chan not coming then...?"
Oh no. Her face. She looks like she's going to cry. She can't just let this go on, she's letting her feelings get the best of her. Don't act like that. I'm sorry.
"N-No... I mean, yes, she is. I'll... talk to her again okay?"
"You? Did you really say something to her?"
"I didn't say that. I'll handle it."
"I think it's better to let her be, Anon-chan."
At least she finally said something sensible. Anon would finally relent afterwards, and practice would continue as best they could a member short. Finally she was just able to play. It was too loud to think, it was easy enough to blank her mind and bang away on the drums, one of the only times she could manage it. Ironically, it was the only instance where time didn't seem to move so awfully slow, she wasn't even loud to have such an experience. Soon enough, the practice would end, it felt like it was just as soon as it started. She wanted storm out with barely a word when she had the chance, but clean up had to be done, and Anon already dragged Tomori to the checkout to pay the bill. It was just her and Soyo again on clean up, just as always.
The two moved quietly in the room, moving around instruments and throwing away trash as fast as they could manage. Or at least she was, the other party in the room was simply moving at her own leisurely pace, quietly humming to herself. Hmm hmm hmm. It's almost like she was trying to make herself none, playfully teasing her into initiating conversation. It's not gonna happen. All she would get from her is a vague earful about how she's not doing something right. She knows that already, there's no need to hear it from the likes of her.
No matter how annoying it was, she kept her vow of silence, right up until the very end. As the last task was completed, freedom could finally be achieved, just outside the door. As she moved closer to the door, she could feel Soyo's eyes burning into her skin, simply staring at her. There was nothing else left to do, she could simply leave as well. It was a bad decision, one made out of pure impulse, but she really just couldn't take it anymore. She turned, accidentally meeting her eyes, a small smile spread across her face as she stood with her hands in front of her.
"It's rude to leave without even saying goodbye, Taki-chan."
"You're right. Goodbye, Soyo."
"Don't you have something you'd like to say?"
"...Shut up."
"It's obvious that something has gotten into you. You're playing has gotten more erratic, much louder."
"So what if it has? It's none of your business."
"Hmm. Maybe. We're in this together, you know, though. I think it's important that we're all on the same page."
"We *are* on the same page. Everything is going fine."
"Is it? I can tell what's going on as well. I understand you're upset."
No you don't. No the fuck you don't. Don't even try to act like you understand what's going on here, when you're the one who tried so desperately to tear this thing apart. You wouldn't even have a band without me.
"I'm not talking about it with you."
"They seem rather happy together, don't they? Much more than usual."
So she knows. Of course she does, it was obvious enough to anyone but themselves. It's hard to tell if Soyo is just good at reading people or Anon doesn't understand subtlety.
"So what? They've always been close. Tomori looks up to her."
"It's funny how you assume I'm talking about her, I hadn't even mentioned her name."
"Didn't I just say I'm not talking about this with you?"
"You need to talk about it with someone, Taki-chan. It's going to tear you apart."
"You don't know me. Keep yourself out of my business."
With that, she turned around and slammed the door behind her, perhaps a little louder than she had anticipated. She didn't care, if anything, she was glad it was loud. She didn't need to take that from someone like her. From then on, it was a short trip home, where she would waste away in her room.
At least that's what she wanted to do. She thought about the talk earlier. How truly sad Tomori seemed at even the prospect of Raana not returning. It really was time to talk to her. The whole time Anon had been interrogating her about what she saisd to Raana, when in reality she didn't say anything. She simply stopped allowing her to use her bill at the cafe, and that's when she stopped coming. What an idiot. Did their deal mean nothing? She didn't even know what that deal was supposed to be, it was a spur of the moment thing. "I'll make you breathe better air than ever before." How embarrassing. To someone as stupid as her no less.
So here she was again, walking around far later than she would have liked, wandering directly into an embarrassing and annoying situation. At least this time she knew what was coming. A Stray Cat should at least be something she can handle, at the very least she could always resort back to giving it food, no matter how annoying that was. Despite the fact that it felt like the least of her worries, it was hard to deny that elusive cat had always been in her mind recently. Another thing to worry about, sure. As embarrassing as it was, however, her mind couldn't help but remember the basis for their little "deal". Did Raana even care about this the way she did?
It had rained last night. Harder than it had in a while. The puddles on the ground had no reflection that they would've had hours earlier, not even something for her to look at as she walked. All around her, in her eyes, simply looked miserable and soaked. Days prior, walks like these were a rare moment of solace from whatever was ailing her in every corner of her life. Now, all they did was remind her of that day.
These thoughts were interrupted as she neared her target, the small parking lot that cats seemed to love to hang out in. As she got closer the distant light meows of pleased cats could be heard. It's always interesting to wonder what exactly could be going on that girl's head.
There she was, surrounded by a couple cats, certainly not the most she's ever been around. Most of them must have to gone to bed or something. The neutral expression remained on her face, just as it usually tended to do.
"Stray Cat."
"...? Rikki."
"I thought you were coming to practice? I thought we had a deal."
Raana simply kept looking downwards at the cats, yet something in her eyes gave the slightest hint that there was something going in her mind. She wasn't simply staring blankly, ignoring Taki, she was simply thinking.
"You haven't been able to breathe recently."
"Eh? What are you talking about?"
"At practice. Your face."
It was a little strange to see Raana so forward, normally she'd have to pry her way to this sort of information, yet it seemed like Raana like was serious as she could be. She spoke briefly and quietly, but it was obvious there was something Taki hadn't seen before in the Stray Cat's words.
"What about it? Are you insulting me?"
"This place makes me feel better."
"I know it does. You're here all the time."
"Sit with me."
"I'm not sitting with you. Don't be stupid."
Raana slowly stood up from the position she was relaxing in, looking at the girl silently. Taki's eyes stood back, staring daggers at her. Her face with an obvious look that she didn't want to be bothered right now, she wasn't here for stuff like that. Raana didn't care about that of course. No matter how hard she would stare at this girl, no matter what she would say, you couldn't make a cat do what it doesn't want to do. Right now, it wanted to grab Taki's wrist, pulling her down to the parking lot below them.
"What are you doing? I don't have time for this."
The stray cat didn't answer, she simply sat next to her, looking at the cats that didn't seemed frightened at all by the movement. There were five of them in total, all simply resting around them in various positions. Raana seemed to have a slight smile on her face as she stared, paying no attention to the girl she just forced to sit next to her.
"So why aren't you coming to practice?"
"Look. She's relaxing."
"Yes, I see that."
Taki expected some sort of response after this, but there was nothing. She simply kept admiring the cat. It was all really beginning to get to her, any time she would try to bring this interaction anywhere this idiot would simply reflect and just talk about this cat. She can't take anything seriously.
"I don't have time for this. I didn't come here to hang out, you know."
"She can breathe easily. Better than us. Better than you."
For a second, Taki finally relented. Whatever. I'll look at the stupid cat. It was a small, brown cat with soft fur. Simply relaxing in the moonlight, without a care in the world. As she stared at this cat, it certainly did seem calm. In a way, Taki began to understand what Raana was trying to say, in her own obtuse way. Sure, maybe she should calm down. This cat, however, truly has no understanding of the issues she's going through, and even if it did, it didn't have to deal with it. It didn't have the capacity to understand.
Unlike the cat sitting next to her it felt like. Why couldn't *she* understand? She certainly had the capacity to do so, and despite what she may think, it was obvious enough that this stray cat wasn't an idiot. She understood what was going in the band, even when she barely showed up to practice. So why is she acting like this?
"Stray Cat."
"...?"
"Why can't you just tell me why you haven't been practicing?"
In response, Raana simply pointed at the cat. It was getting annoying at this point. Is she making fun of her or something? Is that all this? Just some elaborate plot to humiliate her?
"What? You weren't coming to practice because you wanted me to see that?"
"Mm."
"Be serious now, Stray Cat. You really need to start coming to practice... Tomori is getting worried."
"I'll practice."
"Huh? Is that it? You just stopped coming to practice to get me out here?"
"...Mm."
It was a little shocking how direct her words were. She really did all of this stopped doing something she seemed to hold dear, just to get her attention. How ridiculous.
"Stray Cat... You're really pissing me off, you know that?"
The girl didn't seem worried by this statement, instead she moved her gaze, from the cat on the ground to the girl sitting next to her. It was a little uncomfortable, the way she was able to stare so intensely yet so naturally.
"Don't you look at me like that. You can't do things like this. You had everyone worried sick. I'm not going to entertain this little act of yours if you act like that."
"Can Rikki breathe better now?"
"Haah? I can breathe just fine. This isn't about me."
"If Rikki can't breathe, she won't be able to play."
"J-Just... Shut up, okay?!"
This sudden outburst didn't seem to phase the cat. She simply kept crouching next to her, staring right in her face. Her heterochromatic eyes staring deep into her. Stop looking at me. All she could see was her legs resting on the pavement now, they were beginning to shake again. Sometimes it felt like they would never stop shaking.
"You can breathe, Rikki."
"N-No... I mean... Don't tell me what to do!"
It was embarrassing being talked to like this. There was nothing wrong. Everything was fine. It's your fault everything is wrong, because you can never just come to practice. Yeah, that's it. It's her fault my legs are shaking so much right now, it's her fault that I feel like I'm about to cry. Wait, what? No. She can't see that. Taki Shiina could not allow anyone, nonetheless her to see her so pathetic. In a frenzy, she scrambled to her feet, where she ran. She ran as fast as she could. Just like days before.
She ran as fast as she can, she didn't bother even looking where. It seemed like the right way, she couldn't bring herself to care, or even think about it at all really. None of the thoughts racing through her mind were particularly coherent as her heart began to feel like it was being set on fire. She couldn't take this anymore. The world was bearing down on her. It was this reason she failed to even notice where she was going, slipping right on a small puddle on the sidewalk from the rain before.
As Taki Shiina laid there on cold ground, alone in the night, she thought to herself. She never noticed how cold it was outside until now. Perhaps it just felt that way. Who knows. She couldn't even bring herself to move. It didn't matter. She would never be like her sister, never be like *her*, never have Tomori. It was all useless. What did she do to deserve this? Why did she always have to feel this way? All her life, everything she had done to distinguish herself just never worked. Nothing ever worked. It just never fucking worked.
It was a little surprising she failed to notice the footsteps until they were right in front of her face. She didn't need to ask who it was, anyone who could walk that quietly, especially in those boots. It was obvious.
"G-Go away."
She didn't move of course. Raana simply stayed there, looking down at her for a moment, thinking to herself. There was no energy left in Taki's body to get as angry as she usually would, to yell and run as she just had. All she wanted to do was just lay here and waste away. In a way, the stray cat could see that. She understood that feeling, in a way. She knew what to do now.
"What are you doing...? I told you to go away."
Without even a word, Raana laid herself out on the ground, just like the cat the two saw earlier. There they laid, together. Taki tried to turn over on her back to look away from her, but she simply moved closer. There were no more words exchanged in that brief moment they shared together, laying on the cold ground in the dead of night. They wouldn't lay there all night of course. Taki would eventually manage to collect herself and bring herself back home, and the Stray Cat would finally go along her own way, getting up to whatever she pleased.
As Taki laid there, however, she couldn't help but feel a strange sense of relief as she was sprawled out on the ground, looking at that cat. The feeling she had been searching for all week, no, far longer than that. A sense of serenity, a sense that her mind had finally had a chance to stop moving at breakneck speed, constantly rushing back and forth between all the various ailments that plagued her mind every day. It was true, nothing ever did work out the way it was supposed to, but now, in this moment, maybe it did in its own strange way.
As Taki Shiina would eventually force her way to back to home, to lay in bed where the thoughts would inevitably return, Raana Kaname felt a little satisfied. She knew that if only for a brief moment, Taki Shiina could breathe just a little bit better.