Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

saturday 19th september

asshat 💩

barty 😈

ASSHAT

16:13

barty 😈

REG

16:13

asshat 💩

???

16:18

barty 😈

YOU FUCKING TRAITOR

16:18

asshat 💩

wrong number

16:24

barty 😈

GIRL DONT FW ME RN

16:25

barty 😈

I HAD TO ENDURE AN LUNCH TIME LISTENING TO MULCIBER COMPLAINING ABOUT HOW THEY CHANGED THE FUCKING SILVERWARE THEY SELL AT FUCKING WAITROSE

16:25

asshat 💩

seriously. wrong number.

16:43

barty 😈

bitch. i will never forgive you for this.

17:01

seen 17:01

—

demon sauce 👹😈

panda 🐼 added barty 😈 to demon sauce 👹😈

barty 😈

hello, children

17:05

barty 😈

not u reg, fuck u

17:05

panda 🐼

hey bartyyyy

17:05

+44 1234 567891

the fuck did i do?

17:05

barty 😈

…reg why don’t i have ur number saved

17:05

+44 1234 567891

cs ur a fake fucking friend

17:06

are you sure you want to save +44 1234 567891 to your contacts?

yes     no

barty 😈

lol i think i messed up

17:07

panda 🐼✨

what did u do?

17:07

reggiekins 😋😩

okay idc

17:07

barty 😈

so yk how i had to get a new number and phone n shit

17:07

barty 😈

i tried to text reggie earlier but i think i typed his number wrong

17:08

reggiekins 😋😩

okay?

17:08

panda 🐼✨

???

17:08

barty 😈

i very much just harassed an unsuspecting stranger

17:08

panda 🐼 

oh barty

17:09

reggiekins 😋😩

lmao

17:09

barty 😈

stop revelling in my stupid decisions reggie

17:09

reggiekins 😋😩

dont call me reggie and i’ll consider it

17:09

barty 😈

no 💞

17:10

reggiekins 😋😩

then no 😱😱

17:10

barty 😈

smh

17:10

—

not reggie

barty 😈

lols it turns out you really were the wrong number

18:33

not reggie

i know

18:33

barty 😈

im barty btw

18:34

not reggie

okay??

18:34

barty 😈

arent u gna give me ur name?

18:34

not reggie

no?? why would i do that

18:34

barty 😈

so we can be besties ofc

18:34

not reggie

no thanks

18:35

barty 😈

but whyy

18:35

barty 😈

at least give me something

18:35

barty 😈

hellooooo

18:38

barty 😈

sigh

18:40

seen 18:42

—

fifty shades of gay 😍🤪

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

guys im lowk being harassed

18:33

cap 🫡⚽️

r u okay???

18:33

marls 🎸

lmao

18:33

remus’ bitch 😎

fym harassed?

18:33

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

idk someone texted me thinking i was their friend

18:33

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

wrong number ig?

18:33

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

LMAO HIS NAME IS BARTY AHAHA

18:34

shakespeare 🤓

the fuck kinda name is barty?

18:34

cap 🫡⚽️

oh sure, cs yours is so normal, r e m u s

18:34

shakespeare 🤓

die

18:34

lils 🙏

not you telling ur bsf to die

18:35

shakespeare 🤓

he had it coming

18:35

mcdonalds 🍟

is no one else interested in this wrong number thing???

18:35

xeno 🔮

i am!!

18:36

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

i think he wants to be friends

18:36

remus’ bitch 😎

with u?? damn

18:36

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

kys.

18:36

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

view: 3 screenshots

18:36

marls 🎸

BAHAHAHA MULCIBER

18:38

dork

who carries a kid for 9 months and then calls it mulciber??

18:38

cat food 🐀

💀

18:38

cap 🫡⚽️

ev js block him if its that weird

18:39

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

yeah im about to

18:39

mcdonalds 🍟

NO DONT

18:39

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

??

18:39

mcdonalds 🍟

im intruiged

18:39 

lils 🙏

by what exactly?

18:39

mcdonalds 🍟

what if this guy is evans soulmate??

18:40

shakespeare 🤓

…

18:40

marls 🎸

fym???

18:40

dork

are you high?

18:40

mcdonalds 🍟

nahh think about it

18:40

mcdonalds 🍟

evs always had the worst luck w relationships

18:40

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

cheers.

18:40

mcdonalds 🍟

am i wrong?

18:40

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

.

18:40

mcdonalds 🍟

exactly. 

18:41

mcdonalds 🍟

anyway, so he JUST broke up w that asshole dylan, and then all of a sudden he gets a random text from a random guy???

18:41

mcdonalds 🍟

i say dont block him, keep ur options open

18:41

cat food 🐀

i think everything u just said was bs but i’ll take ur side cos this feels fun

18:41

lils 🙏

wtf

18:42

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

xeno can u pls knock some sense into these idiots

18:42

xeno 🔮

…im with them on this one

18:42

cap 🫡⚽️

top 10 worst anime betrayals

18:42

mcdonalds 🍟

see??? if xeno agrees then i must be right

18:43

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

i hate it here

18:43

shakespeare 🤓

welcome to my world

18:43

remus’ bitch 😎

moony :(

18:43

cap 🫡⚽️

moony :(

18:43

cat food 🐀

so u gna block him or what?

18:43

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

fine i wont

18:44

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

ive left him on opened tho

18:44

cap 🫡⚽️

awww ev dont be mean to ur soulmate

18:44

cap 🫡⚽️

btw we have practice at 7 tomorrow

18:44

marls 🎸

damn james u couldnt have booked the field any fucking earlier 😃

18:45

cap 🫡⚽️

sorry marls i’ll buy you all hot chocolates

18:45

lils 🙏

oh, to be rich enough to buy a whole team of footballers hot chocolates in central london

18:45

xeno 🔮

ev i think u should respond to ur mystery guy

18:46

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

i dont wanna talk to him

18:46

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

what would i even say??

18:46

cat food 🐀

tell him ur name

18:46

marls 🎸

but what if hes a 50 year old stalker?

18:46 

remus’ bitch 😎

what if hes an axe murderer

18:47

lils 🙏

what if hes evans dad

18:47

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

the fuck?

18:51

xeno 🔮

just tell him to call you E or sm

18:52

marls 🎸

thats so weird tho

18:52

mcdonalds 🍟

well what else is he supposed to do?

18:52

lils 🙏

block him??????

18:52

cat food 🐀

nahh do the E thing

18:53

—

little shit 💞

sirius ⭐️

reggie

20:31

little shit 💞

im literally 2 steps away from you

20:31

sirius ⭐️

thats so far

20:31

little shit 💞

IM OPPOSITE YOU

20:31

sirius ⭐️

and yet youre texting me back

20:32

little shit 💞

ihy

20:32

little shit 💞

what do you want?

20:32 

sirius ⭐️

you have a friend called barty right?

20:32

little shit 💞

yeah why

20:32

sirius ⭐️

just wondering

20:32

sirius ⭐️

bye reggie

20:33

little shit 💞

bye freak

20:33

—

MARAUDERS 🐺🐀🦌🐕‍🦺

sirius ⭐️

im a genius

20:34

wormy 🐀

thats a stretch

20:34

sirius ⭐️

prongs :(

20:34

the daddiest daddy to ever daddy

wormtail dont be mean to pads

20:34

sirius ⭐️

thank you

20:34

light of my life ❤️❤️

why are you a genius?

20:35

sirius ⭐️

so you know this random number guy evan was talking about??

20:35

the daddiest daddy to ever daddy

yeah

20:35

sirius ⭐️

well in the screenshot, the guy said ‘reg’

20:35

sirius ⭐️

and i was like thats my brothers name

20:35

the daddiest daddy to ever daddy

omg

20:36

sirius ⭐️

and i had a vague memory of reg being friends w someone called barty

20:36

the daddiest daddy to ever daddy

o m g 

20:36

sirius ⭐️

so then i asked reg if he knew a barty

20:36

sirius ⭐️

and he said yes

20:36

the daddiest daddy to ever daddy

OMG

20:36

the daddiest daddy to ever daddy

SO IT COULD BE THE SAME GUY

20:37

the daddiest daddy to ever daddy

WE MIGHT KNOW RANDOM NUMBER GUY

20:37

light of my life ❤️❤️

guys the chances of us actually knowing the random number guy is so fucking small

20:37

sirius ⭐️

but the area code is the same

20:37

light of my life ❤️❤️

do you know how big london is?

20:37

wormy 🐀

moons, just let them have this

20:37

light of my life ❤️❤️

fine 🙄

20:37

—

are you sure you want to save (unknown) to your contacts?

yes     no

barty???

barty???

sigh

18:40

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

you can call me E

21:49

barty???

OMG

22:30

barty???

HI

22:30

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

hello

22:31

barty???

hi :)

22:31

–

xeno 🔮

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

why am i even amusing this idea

22:34

xeno 🔮

bc you believe us kinda

22:34

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

i dont tho

22:34

xeno 🔮

humour me

22:34

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

fine. i believe you

22:35

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

now what?

22:35

xeno 🔮

now go get ur boyfriend

22:35

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

i hate you.

22:35

xeno 🔮

:(

22:36

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

sorry 

22:36

—

demon sauce 👹😈

barty 😈

GUYS THEY TEXTED ME

22:30

panda 🐼

who?

22:35

reggiekins 😋😩

random number guy?

22:35

barty 😈

YEAH

22:35

reggiekins 😋😩

why are you so excited about talking to some random guy?

22:36

barty 😈

hush, reginald, im making a new friend

22:36

reggiekins 😋😩

🖕

22:36

—

E :)

barty 😈

so how old are you??

22:38

E :)

im not gna tell u that

22:38

barty 😈

why? im not a murderer or anything

22:40

E :)

that sounds like something a murderer would say 

22:41

barty 😈

ouch, E, you wound me

22:41

E :) 

i dont care

22:41

barty 😈

then why did u text me again?

22:41

E :)

peer pressure

22:42

barty 😈

awww you told ur friends about me?

22:42

E :)

no 

22:54

barty 😈

oh yh? was there a reason it took you ten mins to respond to that?

22:56

E :) 

no 

22:56

E :) 

bye. 

22:56

barty 😈

bye, E ;)

22:56

—

monday 21st september

barty???

barty???

i’m bored asf

09:16

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

why is that my problem?

09:17

barty??? 

cs im in your life

09:17

barty???

naturally its ur problem.

09:17

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

no.

09:19

barty???

:(

09:19

barty???

ur so mean to me

09:19

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

again, not my problem.

09:19

barty???

but im borrrrrreeedddd

09:20

barty???

im in english rn

09:24

barty???

we’re reading jane eyre

09:24

barty???

i hate that rochester guy fr

09:24

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

you hate rochester??

09:24

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

he treats her so well tho

  09:24

barty???

??? are you dumb

09:25

barty???

he completely lied to her??

09:25

barty???

and she didnt even find out until their wedding day

09:25

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

initially, yeah, but the way she accepts him and his past changes him for the better

09:26

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

like his character development throughout the book is insane

09:26

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

yes he lied but he also treated her differently than she’d ever been treated before in her life, like compared to any of her friends from school or the adults she surrounded herself with

09:26

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

he actually somewhat respected her

09:26

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

compare him with st john, for example. even he sort of demanded her life when he asked her to marry and run away with him

09:27

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

rochester never did that. and after their separation, it was clear how true their love was

09:27

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

plus, it was the only romance story of that time that wasn’t based off of a beautiful man that

swoops a woman off her feet. these were just normal people

09:28

barty???

i wouldnt have pegged you as such a fan of romance novels

09:29

barty???

honestly i just couldnt get passed the lying

09:29

barty???

liars are fucking scum.

09:29

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

well that i can agree with

09:30

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

and im not, two of my friends are book nerds and have lengthy debates about their favourites. they made me read this one.

09:30

—

fifty shades of gay 😍🤪

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

view: 4 attachments

09:34

shakespeare 🤓

he reads? approved.

09:36

lils 🙏

ditto

09:36

cap 🫡⚽️

who the fuck is st john????

09:36

lils 🙏

JAMES U LITERALLY READ THE BOOK

09:36

cap 🫡⚽️

i do NOT remember a st john

09:37

remus’ bitch 😎

wasn’t that like her cousin or sm shit?

09:37

remus’ bitch 😎

the one that tried to get her to run away w him to india?

09:37

cap 🫡⚽️

ohhhh yeah that guy

09:39

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

him reading is the bare minimum

09:40

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

it means nothing - remus i expected better from you

09:40

shakespeare 🤓

now wait a damn minute

09:40

—

E :)

barty 😈

oh yeah ive got a book nerd friend like that

09:32

barty 😈

hes a grumpy little shit tho

09:32

barty 😈

whereve you goneeeee

09:34

barty 😈

sigh

09:36

E :)

sorry my friends were bickering

09:41

barty 😈

 well my class is done now and it was my only class of the day so im all yours now :)

09:46

E :)

ur only class of the day finished at 9 in the fucking morning?

09:46

barty 😈

yeah

09:46

barty 😈

so what you wanna talk about?

09:46

E :)

unfortunately for you, my class is about to start

09:46

E :)

and unfortunately for me, i have classes all day

09:47

E :)

so bye

09:47

barty 😈

thats just so rude

09:47

seen 09:47

—

demon sauce 👹😈

bartemius 🥴

reggie he reads

10:26

regulus 🐍

???

10:28

bartemius 🥴

he READS

10:28

bartemius 🥴

view: 4 attachments

10:28

panda 🔮

awww 

10:30

regulus 🐍

i am NOT a grumpy little shit

10:31

bartemius 🥴

thats all you took from that?

10:31

bartemius 🥴

reggie, this is the love of my life we’re talking about

10:31

regulus 🐍

okay…

10:31

bartemius 🥴

i need new friends

10:31

regulus 🐍

good riddance.

10:32

regulus 🐍

now, fuck off im in class

10:32

—

fifty shades of gay 😍🤪

james 🥱

so ive been seeing this guy

13:02

pads 💞💖

who omg

13:02

wormy 🐀

moons get that tenner ready

13:02

moons 🌚

hush wormtail

13:03

james 🥱

i bumped into him outside of campus a couple of weeks ago

13:03

james 🥱

hes hot and funny and mean

13:03

pads 💞💖

ah yes, the qualities everyone looks for in a new partner

13:03

pads 💞💖

name, please?

13:03

james 🥱

…

13:03

james 🥱

regulus black… :)

13:04

marly 🤭

oop

13:04

moons 🌚

dammit, james

13:04

wormy 🐀

pay up, big boy

13:04

pads 💞💖

EW???????????

13:04

pads 💞💖

JAMES WTF

13:04

marbear 🐻

bloody hell james 😭

13:04

pads 💞💖

blasphemy against nature.

13:05

pads 💞💖

no, wait, no its not

13:05

pads 💞💖

its fucking INCEST

13:05

moons 🌚

sirius 💀💀

13:05

witch man 🧝‍♂️

wtf i just woke up

13:06

lils 🙏

xeno its literally one in the afternoon

13:06

witch man 🧝‍♂️

so? no classes today 💪

13:06

witch man 🧝‍♂️

so whats happening?

13:06

wormy 🐀

prongs is in love w sirius’ little brother

13:07

lils 🙏

yeah… theyre being strangely quiet about this 

13:07

marly 🤭

anyone got eyes on them?

13:07

moons 🌚

well sirius left the dorm about two minutes ago, screaming about killing james

13:07

moons 🌚

considering theyre both quiet, i’d imagine its not going very well

13:08

james 🥱

HELPAOUEFH

13:09

wormy 🐀

that checks out

13:09

—

little shit 💞

sirius ⭐️

so

13:49

sirius ⭐️

heard through the grape vine that you met james recently.

13:49

little shit 💞

oh yeah

13:50

little shit 💞

that i did

13:50

sirius ⭐️

‘oh yeah’?

13:50

little shit 💞

yeah

13:51

little shit 💞

hes fit yk

13:51

sirius ⭐️

ew shut up

13:51

little shit 💞

dare i say

13:51

little shit 💞

more so than lupin

13:51

sirius ⭐️

REGULUS ARCTURUS

13:51

little shit 💞

yes, dear brother?

13:52

sirius ⭐️

you cant go on a date with him

13:52

sirius ⭐️

you are f or b i d d e n

13:52

little shit 💞

oh, but i already did

13:53

sirius ⭐️

ew

13:53

little shit 💞

yeah, he bought me caffeine and everything

13:53

little shit 💞

a man who truly knows the way to my heart

13:54

sirius ⭐️

…

13:54

sirius ⭐️

i’ll be right back

13:56

little shit 💞

lmao okay

13:57

little shit 💞

all i ask is that you spare his face

13:58

little shit 💞

tis rather lovely, don’t you think?

13:58

sirius ⭐️

you’re next

14:00

seen 14:00

—

pretty boy 💫

james 🥱

im alive

15:16

pretty boy 💫

he’s so dramatic

15:16

james 🥱

dont be mean, reg

15:16

pretty boy 💫

what? its true

15:16

pretty boy 💫

he literally tried to beat you up

15:17

pretty boy 💫

although it is kind of your fault. i literally told you not to tell him

15:17

james 🥱

i hated lying to him :(

  15:17

james 🥱

he didnt beat me up dw

15:17

james 🥱

he sort of just begged me to not ‘defile his innocent baby brother’

15:17

pretty boy 💫

i hate him 

15:17

pretty boy 💫

you picked the messiest possible way to break the news to him btw

15:17

pretty boy 💫

youre coming to my flat later, yeah?

15:18

james 🥱

ofc

15:18

james 🥱

you want me to bring anything?

15:18

james 🥱

doughnuts again?

15:18

pretty boy 💫

no, just yourself

15:18

pretty boy 💫

see you later 

15:19

james 🥱

bye love

15:19

seen 15:19

—

E :)

barty 😈

ive been abandoned

18:09

E :)

i cant imagine its the first time

18:09

barty 😈

uncalled for

18:10

E :)

why have you been abandoned

18:10

barty 😈

because my so called ‘best friend’ has kicked me out of our flat so that the guy hes seeing can come over

18:10

barty 😈

im not even allowed to meet him

18:10

E :)

well i’d imagine he doesnt want you to scare him away

18:11

barty 😈

youre quite mean today

18:11

barty 😈

did you know that?

18:11

E :)

my sincerest apologies

18:11

barty 😈

accepted

18:11

barty 😈

anyway so now im just roaming around the streets of london

18:11

E :)

how sad for you

18:11

barty 😈

ikr

18:12

barty 😈

anyway so what do you look like?

18:12

E :)

no

18:12

barty 😈

u cant js say no

18:12

E :)

i just did

18:12

barty 😈

rude

18:13

barty 😈

cant i at least have ur name? you know mine

18:13

E :)

u gave it to me willingly

18:13

E :)

zero prompting

18:13

barty 😈

because im js so lovely like that

18:13

E :)

sure

18:15

barty 😈

:(

18:15

E :)

deserved

18:15

barty 😈

:o

18:17

—

fifty shades of gay 😍🤪

dork

EVANNN GET OFF UR PHONE

18:17

lils 🙏

so real so true cas

18:17

dork

we’re having movie night you have to be present

18:17

remus’ bitch 😎

why you smiling at ur phone like that

18:17

mcdonalds 🍟

i bet its that barty guy

18:18

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

shut up all of you

18:18

xeno 🔮

i heard no denial

18:18

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

die

18:18

marls 🎸

GET OFF UR PHONE

18:18 

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

why do i have to be present? james isnt even here

18:19

remus’ bitch 😎

ugh dont remind me

18:19

mcdonalds 🍟

whats his problem?

18:19

shakespeare 🤓

james is w his brother

18:19

mcdonalds 🍟

LMAOOO i hope he gets laid icl

18:20

remus’ bitch 😎

now, why the FUCK would u say sm like that

18:20

mcdonalds 🍟

because im a rascal

18:20

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

why dont we just not watch a film

18:20

dork 

because we’re bonding, rosier.

18:20

shakespeare 🤓

he just wants to keep texting his boyfriend

18:20

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

no.

18:24

remus’ bitch 😎

so you turning your phone off, leaving the room and coming back 5 mins later was entirely unrelated?

18:24

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

yeah

18:24

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

bye.

18:24

—

barty??? 

barty??? 

you’ve abandoned me just like reg 😔

18:23

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

is this the same reg you were yelling at when you first texted me?

18:26

barty??? 

yes and i now see that he has a habit of abandoning me

18:26

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

how had he abandoned you the first time?

18:26

barty??? 

look at you engaging in conversation

18:26

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

bye

18:26

barty???

NO NO WAIT I’LL ANSWER

18:26

barty???

his older brother was supposed drive us somewhere for lunch but reg is my grumpy little shit book nerd friend and he has the patience of a gnat

18:26

barty???

anyway my teacher had asked me to stay back to give me a detention or something

18:26

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

or something?

18:27

barty???

well i wasnt listening was i

18:27

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

of course

18:27

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

continue

18:27

barty???

anyway so reg has the patience of a gnat and he couldn’t be arsed to wait for me so he made his brother just drive away

18:27

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

and so you had to endure a lunch time with mulciber

18:27

barty???

so you DO remember :DDDDD

18:27

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

i dont know what youre talking about

18:28

barty???

bitch you cant gaslight me

18:28

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

whats gaslighting

18:28

barty???

fuck you

18:28

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

no thanks

18:28

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

hold on im being harassed again

18:28

barty???

???

18:28

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

my friends and i have a movie night every week

18:28

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

theyre upset im on my phone

18:28

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

view: 1 attachment

18:28

barty???

‘that barty guy’ im conflicted bc on one hand u told ur friend abt me, but on the other hand im ‘that barty guy’

18:29

barty???

UR NAME IS EVAN

18:29

barty???

OMGGGG

18:29

barty???

thats so hot lowkey

18:29

—

demon sauce 👹😈

barty 😈

GUYS LOOK
18:30

barty 😈

HIS NAMES EVAN

18:30

barty 😈

view: 1 attachment

18:30

panda 🐼 

basic but cute

18:34

panda 🐼 

i see the potential

18:34

—

E :)

E :)

NO

18:40

E :)

NO ITS NOT

18:40

barty 😈

lies and slander

18:40

barty 😈

now that i have ur name u may as well send wyll

18:41

barty 😈 changed E :) ‘s contact to evan 🤭

evan 🤭

now how the fuck did you figure that

18:41

barty 😈

idk but send a pic

18:41

evan 🤭

no

18:41

barty 😈

pleeeasssseeeee

18:41

barty 😈

evannnnnn

18:41

barty 😈

evebenenannananansndnabbaenj

18:41

barty 😈

por favore

18:41

barty 😈

sigh

18:41

barty 😈

so rude

18:41

barty 😈

fake friend

18:41

barty 😈

evananannnnn

18:41

—

fifty shades of gay 😍🤪

marls 🎸

evan make ur phone stop fucking buzzing before i launch it out of the window

18:41

—

barty???

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

oh my god shut up

18:42

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

here

18:42

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

view: 1 attachment

18:42

barty???

oh

19:02

barty???

thats

19:02

barty???

oh

19:11 

seen 19:23

Chapter Text

sunday 9th october

incoming call from barty???...

accept decline

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

what the fuck are you doing

01:12

barty???

voglio sapere come parli

01:12

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

the fuck?

01:12

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

is that fucking italian??

 01:13

barty???

hello evan this is bartys friend

01:13

barty???

barty is drubnk

01:13

barty???

sometines he finds englihs too hard when hes drunk

01:13

barty???

reggie is truing to hekp hnim but hes speaking french so idk how thsts going to go

01:13

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

oh hi

01:15

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

is he good?

01:15

barty???

yeahh hes all godd 

01:15

barty???

cant really stand uo thp

01:15

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

you guys at a party?

01:15

barty???

nooo we’re celebeating becaiase reggie’s parents are ogne 

01:15

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

uh

01:15

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

gone as in

01:15

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

dead?

01:15

barty???

noo they just can’t go near him anymre 

01:15

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

i see

01:15

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

each to their own ig

01:15

barty???

dw they werent very nice people

01:15

barty???

anyways ive gtg before b throws humsekf out tje winfow

01:15

barty???

byeeeweee

01:15

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

wait what??

01:15

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

yo did u throw urself out a window or what

13:17

barty???

i in fact did not throw myself out of a window

13:23

barty???

kinda wish i did tho

13:23

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

hungover?

13:23

barty???

hangover, liver failure, nd to top it all off im pretty sure i have a cold

13:23

barty???

kmn

13:24

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

when and where

13:24

barty???

ugh im not in the mood for ur meanness

13:24

barty???

bye

13:24

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

rude

13:24

seen 13:24

–

fifty shades of gay 😍🤪

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

guys hes fucking italian

13:30

dork

uh oh

13:30

cap 🫡⚽️

who

13:31

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

barty

13:31

marls 🎸

reckon hes got an accent?

13:31

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

i really fucking hope not man im cooked

13:31

remus’ bitch 😎

shi u got a thing for accents?

13:31

shakespeare 🤓

cant blame him tbf

13:31

cap 🫡⚽️

preach

13:31

remus’ bitch 😎

nah u better stfu

13:32

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

focus please

13:32

cat food 🐀

i dont understand the problem

13:32

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

i dont even know what the guy looks like

13:32

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

how can i fold over an accent i dont even know he has???

13:32

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

lowk ive known him for like a month

13:33

shakespeare 🤓

well he liked the pic u sent him right?

13:33

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

ig

13:33

shakespeare 😎

and youve asked him for a pic right?

13:33

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

no

13:34

shakespeare 😎

herein lies the problem

13:34

shakespeare 😎

mate you wont know what he looks like until u ask

13:34

lils 🙏

thats common sense i fear

13:34

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

thats so awkward tho

13:34

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

how do i js ask for a pic

13:34

cap 🫡⚽️

ev where r u

13:35

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

my fucking house why

13:35

cap 🫡⚽️

k stay there im coming over and then i’ll text him for u

13:35

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

thats so much worse than doing it myself

13:35

cat food 🐀

so then do it urself

13:35

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

no

13:35

cat food 🐀

then let james do it

13:35

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

no

13:35

cat food 🐀

bitch 

13:35

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

not today

13:35

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

what if hes hot? i dont need another reason to be attracted to a stranger from the internet

13:35

cat food 🐀

another reason?

13:35

remus’ bitch 😎

the accent pete keep up

13:36

cat food 🐀

mb mb

13:36

dork

not to interrupt this nonsense but ev and xeno do u wanna go to the shopping centre with us

13:36

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

i have an online meeting in like 30 mins for the chem mentoring crap

13:36

dork

with?

13:36

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

slughorn

13:36

dork

yeah ur coming with us

13:36

xeno 🔮

im free :)

13:36

cap 🫡 ⚽️

i wanna come too :(

13:36

marls 🎸

no.

13:36

marls 🎸

(i’ll buy u sm)

13:36

cap 🫡⚽️

:D

13:36

–

evan 🤭

barty 😈

evananananananannn

15:09

evan 🤭

what 

15:14

barty 😈

watcha doooing

15:14

evan 🤭

trying to socialise w my friends

15:14

barty 😈

well thats boring

15:14

evan 🤭

im so very unboring

15:15

evan 🤭

im literally buying a chameleon rn

15:15

barty 😈

say sike rn

15:17

evan 🤭

nahh look

15:17

evan 🤭

view: 1 attachment

15:18

barty 😈

oh my fucking god

15:18

–

demon sauce 👹😈

barty 😈

guys evan just got like a million times hotter

15:18

barty 😈

he just bought a fucking chameleon

15:18

barty 😈

view: 1 attachment

15:19

reggiekins 😋😩

damn the hand tattoos too

15:20

barty 😈

back off 

15:20

reggiekins 😋😩

smh

15:20

panda 🐼

awww its so cute

15:20

panda 🐼

tell him to call it cactus

15:20

reggiekins 😋😩

??? why cactus

15:20

panda 🐼

cos look at the little spikey things on its back

15:20

reggiekins 😋😩

ofc

15:20

–

barty???

barty???

my friend says u should call it cactus

15:21

barty???

she said its on account of the spikes on its back

15:21

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

well my friend says that urs is v smart

15:21

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

cactus it is

15:21

barty???

yayy

15:21

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

salve io sono marlene im taking evans phone away bc hes supposed to be bonding with us

15:23

barty???

okay… 

15:23

barty???

wait do you speak italian??

15:23 

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

i wish lmao ‘io sono’ is lowk the only thing i know 

15:23

barty???

omgomg i could teach you

15:23

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

that’d be so slay i’ll get ev to send u my number later

15:23

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

until then goodbye

15:23

barty???

bye bye marlene

15:24

—

fifty shades of gay 😍🤪

xeno 🔮

chat evan is simping over someone we saw at footasylum

15:59

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

i am NOT

15:59

lils 🙏

he absolutely is

15:59

lils 🙏

‘lils, did u see the fucking piercings oh my god’

16:00

dork

‘his smirk?? bro he was wearing grillz’

16:00

marls 🎸

‘i’d let him step on my neck with those boots i cant lie’

16:00

xeno 🔮

‘eyebrow slit, piercings AND tattoos i think god is trying to punish me’

16:00

mcdonalds 🍟

‘ive never wanted to be railed so hard by a stranger in a crop top’

16:00

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃 has left fifty shades of gay 😍🤪

xeno 🔮 added evan 😶‍🌫️🍃 to fifty shades of gay 😍🤪

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

no.

16:01

cap 🫡⚽️

ev’s in loooove

16:01

remus’ bitch 😎

lmao down bad

16:01

shakespeare 🤓

so are we over barty and his accent then?

16:01

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

no we’re not doing this

16:01

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

barty is a random stranger online that just so happened to text me one day - there is nothing to get over

16:02

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

the guy from the shopping centre was simply just a guy from the shopping centre - there is nothing to get over with. i didnt even get his number

16:02

mcdonalds 🍟

i felt the regret heavy in ‘i didnt even get his number’

16:02

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

christ 

16:02

remus’ bitch 😎

r u guys still at footasylum??

16:02

lils 🙏

yh but the guy left already

16:02

remus’ bitch 😎

go find him!! get his number!!

16:02

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

NO

16:02

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

n o

16:03

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

lets not

16:03

marls 🎸

i personally think thats a fine idea

16:03

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

i will drive the fuck home right now

16:03

mcdonalds 🍟

thats such a shit threat bro

16:03

lils 🙏

mary he literally drove us all here

16:03

mcdonalds 🍟

oh shi yeah lmao

16:03

shakespeare 🤓

oml

16:03

remus’ bitch 😎

LADIES AND GENTLESHITS
16:04

remus’ bitch 😎

before i forget, im having a party at mine and james’ for my 18th

16:04

cap 🫡⚽️

are you?

16:04

remus’ bitch 😎

yeah

16:04

remus’ bitch 😎

and dont u worry ur disgusting brother-fucking little head about anything, i’ll organise the whole thing and yes, im inviting reggie and his friends

16:04

cap 🫡⚽️

alr

16:04

cap 🫡⚽️

mum said its cool

16:06

marls 🎸

effie potter, the woman you are

16:06

cap 🫡⚽️

NO

16:06

cap 🫡⚽️

NOT AGAIN

16:06

remus’ bitch 😎

tbf ive never seen a milf that milfs quite so much as effie

16:06

cap 🫡⚽️

oh my god

16:06

cap 🫡⚽️

ur literally gay sirius

16:06

remus’ bitch 😎

yeah and i’d get on my knees for both monty and effie if they asked

16:06

cap 🫡⚽️

im going to throw up

16:07

remus’ bitch 😎

dw prongsie, ur sexy too

16:07

cap 🫡⚽️

ew bye

16:07

cap 🫡⚽️

(thanks pads)

16:07

–

bartemius 🥴

regulus 🐍

bitch why have you left six fucking plates in the sink

16:11

bartemius 🥴

because im just a girl

16:17

regulus 🐍

what could you have possibly needed six plates for

16:17

bartemius 🥴

bc im 17, hungry and i live with another 17 yo that cant cook

16:17

bartemius 🥴

i did what i had to 

16:17

bartemius 🥴

(dino nuggets)

16:17

regulus 🐍

you ate s i x plates of dino nuggets?

16:17

regulus 🐍

if i open the fridge and find no food i will actually kill you

16:17

bartemius 🥴

…

16:17

regulus 🐍

bartemius crouch jr

16:18

bartemius 🥴

yes reggiekins?

16:18

regulus 🐍

go buy some more fucking food

16:18

regulus 🐍

where even are you?

16:18

bartemius 🥴

they were having a sale at footasylum so im omw back from the shopping centre

16:18

bartemius 🥴

it was all shit so i didnt get anything

16:18

regulus 🐍

wonderful. so u have money w you

16:18

regulus 🐍

go get food

16:18

regulus 🐍

im going to james’ now but istg there better be food here when im home

16:18

bartemius 🥴

yes, mother

16:18

seen 16:18

–

evan 🤭

barty 😈

i need new friends

16:20

barty 😈

specifically i need a new roommate

16:20

evan 🤭

???

16:20

barty 😈

reggies being mean 

16:20

barty 😈

view: 2 attachments

16:20

evan 🤭

i actually agree with him why tf r u eating so much food and then not clearing the plates

16:20

evan 🤭

wait ur 17?

16:21

barty 😈

oh shit i forgot that was in there

16:21

evan 🤭

r u in college then?

16:21

barty 😈

yeah

16:21

barty 😈

a levels are a slow death fr

16:21

evan 🤭

first or second year?

16:21

barty 😈

first why?

16:21

evan 🤭

oh

16:22

–

fifty shades of gay 😍🤪

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

chat hes in the year below

16:24

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

view: 1 attachment

16:24

marls 🎸

dammnn thats a sign ev

16:25

remus’ bitch 😎

from the universe

16:25

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

🤨🤨 how

16:25

dork

hes our age

16:25

xeno 🔮

the chances of that are 🤏🤏

16:25

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

how do i respond

16:25

shakespeare 🤓

tell him ur in ur second year

16:25

—

barty???

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

oh

16:22

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

im in second

16:26

barty???

!!!!!! 

16:26

barty???

you go to college too??

16:26

barty???

i figured u were already in uni

16:26

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

nope

16:26

barty???

shii so ur my age?

16:26

barty???

thats crazy sauce

16:26

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

crazy sauce 😭

16:26

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

wait if ur only in college how come you live alone??

16:26

barty???

well not alone 

16:26

barty???

i live w reg

16:27

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

i mean like without parents

16:27

barty???

oh

16:27

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

shit sorry if its personal then pretend i didnt say anything

16:27

barty???

no ur good

16:27

barty???

my parents arent great people

16:27

barty???

same w reggie so we just live together instead

16:27

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

oh im sorry

16:27

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

my dads not amazing either

16:29

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

but i cant get away yet

16:29

barty???

parents suck

16:29

barty???

u should come live w us

16:29

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

i couldnt think of anything worse

16:30

barty???

:0

16:30

barty???

okay well i was gna go lock in cos i got a chem test next week but idc

17:01

barty???

i wanna go get snake bites

17:01

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

like the piercing?

17:01

barty???

uh huh

17:01

—

xeno 🔮

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

XENOOOOO

17:01

xeno 🔮

HELLO???

17:02

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

BARTY WANTS TO GET SNAKE BITES

17:02

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

IM SO COOKED ITS NOT EVEN FUNNY

17:02

xeno 🔮

date him

17:02

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

thats not helpful

17:03

xeno 🔮

what the hell am i supposed to say??

17:03

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

fucking sedate me idk

17:03

xeno 🔮

no

17:03

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

sigh

17:03

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

this was a very useless interaction

17:04

—

evan 🤭

barty 😈

uh huh

17:01

evan 🤭

cool u should do it

17:04

barty 😈

good

17:04

barty 😈

view: 1 attachment

17:04

evan 🤭

if u were already at the fucking piercing studio why did u ask for my opinion

17:04

barty 😈

wanted to know ur thoughts on piercings

17:05

evan 🤭

thats so dumb

17:05 

barty 😈

yeah yeah what do u think of them

17:05

evan 🤭

idk

17:05

barty 😈

lies

17:05

evan 🤭

i have zero opinions on piercings

17:05

barty 😈

i hope yk i wont stop asking until u tell the truth

17:05

evan 🤭

ffs

17:05

evan 🤭

theyre hot

17:08

barty 😈

knew it

17:08

seen 17:08

wednesday 12th october

evan 🤭

barty 😈

did yk that eating pineapple makes u taste good

09:34

evan 🤭

what in the genuine fuck

09:36

evan 🤭

i fear i need to tell a trusted adult about you

09:36

barty 😈

im js giving you a fun fact 😔

09:36

evan 🤭

that fact was not fun

09:36

evan 🤭

i hated every second i spent reading it

09:36

barty 😈

:(

09:37

seen 09:37

—

demon sauce 👹😈

reggiekins 😋😩

sirius wanted me to invite you two to this party hes having for his 18th

11:19

reggiekins 😋😩

it’ll be on nov 3rd

11:19

reggiekins 😋😩

please be there so i dont have to deal with his friends alone

11:19

barty 😈

arent u literally shagging his bsf

11:20

reggiekins 😋😩

thats so unrelated

11:20

barty 😈

girl

11:20

panda 🐼

i’ll be there reg

11:20

barty 😈

me too me too

11:20

panda 🐼

bee hows it going with evan

11:20

barty 😈

u mean the love of my life?

11:21

barty 😈

its going great

11:21

barty 😈

we’re getting married tomorrow

11:21

reggiekins 😋😩

poor evan 

11:21

barty 😈

ur such a cunt yk that right

11:21

reggiekins 😋😩

i thrive in it

11:21

barty 😈

ofc u do

11:21

—

evan 🤭

barty 😈

so how is the love of my life doing?

12:16

evan 🤭

i am not the love of ur life

12:16

barty 😈

i meant cactus but way to be full of urself ig

12:16

evan 🤭

kys

12:16

evan 🤭

cactus is fine

12:17

barty 😈

cool

12:17

barty 😈

im gna come kidnap her

12:17

evan 🤭

the fuck?

12:17

barty 😈

she would have a much better home w me

12:17

evan 🤭

she’d probably kill herself after like a day

12:18

barty 😈

well thats fucking rude

12:18

evan 🤭

its true

12:18

evan 🤭

you dont exactly strike me as star caretaker

12:18

barty 😈

um

12:18

barty 😈

bitch?

12:18

evan 🤭

i said what i said

12:18

barty 😈

i’ll have you know i had two hamsters as a kid

12:18

evan 🤭

i feel like ‘had’ is the keyword there

12:18

barty 😈

n o

12:19

barty 😈

my asshole father starved them to death whilst i was on a school trip once

12:19

barty 😈

twas not my fault

12:19

barty 😈

they were thriving w me

12:19

evan 🤭

i literally have no responses to that

12:19

barty 😈

get on my level

12:19

evan 🤭

im good

12:19

evan 🤭

ur dad sounds like a dick tho

12:19

barty 😈

thats why i dont live w him anymore

12:19

barty 😈

FUCK

12:19

evan 🤭

???

barty 😈

im out of cigarettes

12:20

evan 🤭

you smoke?

12:20

barty 😈

like a chimney according to reg

12:20

barty 😈

he says it’ll kill me

12:20

barty 😈

acting like he doesnt smoke just as much

12:20

barty 😈

wtv im here for a good time, not a long time

12:20

evan 🤭

yeah oml

12:20

evan 🤭

cap says the same thing to me

12:20

evan 🤭

this man is literally a ‘social smoker’ so idc what he says

12:20

barty 😈

i dont trust social smokers

12:20

evan 🤭

no one does

12:21

barty 😈

shit i gtg before reg nags me to death

12:21

barty 😈

bye bye

12:21

evan 🤭

i hope he succeeds

12:21

barty 😈

stop being such a wank.

12:21

evan 🤭

:)

12:21

seen 12:21

—

j 🫶

j 🫶

hey love

14:26

regulus 🐍

hey

14:26

j 🫶

i missed you 

14:26

regulus 🐍

you saw me like an hour ago

14:26

j 🫶

an hour is so long if u think abt it

14:26

regulus 🐍

sure, james

14:26

j 🫶

can u come over?

14:26

regulus 🐍

i cant im forcing bee to be an upstanding member of society

14:26

j 🫶

sounds exciting

14:26

j 🫶

text me when ur done?

14:26

regulus 🐍

ofc

14:27

regulus 🐍

bye

14:27

j 🫶

bye baby

14:27

seen 14:27

Chapter Text

saturday 3rd november

fifty shades of gay 🤪😍

remus’ bitch 😎

everyone needs to bring alc to the party tn

10:12

marls 🎸

what if i dont

10:12

remus’ bitch 😎

i know 200 ways to kill a bitch

10:12

cat food 🐀

glue the open end of a jar full of rats to someones face

10:13

cat food 🐀

light the jar on fire on the other side

10:13

cat food 🐀

the rats will have no choice but to chew their way out through the persons face

10:13

cap 🫡⚽️

…

10:13

remus’ bitch 😎

201

10:13

shakespeare 🤓

pads is a little stressed

10:13

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

you dont say

10:14

xeno 🔮

pete why the fuck do you know that

10:14

cat food 🐀

🤷🤷

10:14

cap 🫡⚽️

can anyone get here early to help out?

10:14

lils 🙏

mary and i can be there in 20

10:14

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

why is sirius so stressed

10:14

marls 🎸

he done invited the entire sixth form

10:14

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

oh ew

10:14

shakespeare 🤓

thats what i said but then he yelled at me

10:14

remus’ bitch 😎

lils ily, everyone else fuck off if youre not going to be helpful.

10:14

-

MARAUDERS 🐺🐀🦌🐕‍🦺

james 🥱

i just had a thought

10:59

wormy 🐀

did it hurt?

10:59

james 🥱

why do i bother

11:00

moons 🌚

what was your thought, prongs?

11:00

james 🥱

well im not telling you now

11:00

james 🥱

i’ll just tell reg

11:00

pads 💞💖

you will NOT tell my brother something and not tell me

11:00

wormy 🐀

with all my heart, i am sorry for what i said

11:00

wormy 🐀

will you please tell us about your thought

11:00

james 🥱

okay :]

11:01

james 🥱

so the party

11:01

james 🥱

evan is going

11:01

james 🥱

and so is reg’s mysterious friend barty

11:01

pads 💞💖

oh yeah

11:01

pads 💞💖

the mystery texter

11:01

pads 💞💖

i lowk forgot about that

11:01

james 🥱

right? well anyway, barty knows what evan looks like

11:01

james 🥱

ev, however, doesnt know what barty looks like

11:01

wormy 🐀

what are u suggesting, you beautiful weirdo

11:01

james 🥱

just how entertaining its gna be when they realise

11:01

james 🥱

we cant let them be alone for even a moment

11:02

moons 🌚

you wanna cockblock them?

11:02

james 🥱

no moons omg

11:02

james 🥱

i wanna spy on them so we can see the exact moment in which the shit hits the fan

11:02

wormy 🐀

i quite like this plan

11:02

moons 🌚

ofc u do

11:02

pads 💞💖

how nice. now can we finish setting up pls

11:02

moons 🌚

🙄🙄🙄 coming

11:02

wormy 🐀

view attachment: 1 GIF

11:02

moons 🌚

i am NOT whipped

11:02

wormy 🐀

mhm sure

11:02

moons 🌚

you little rat

11:02

pads 💞💖

GUYS

11:03

pads 💞💖

PLEASE

11:03

pads 💞💖

IM ABT TO CRASH TF OUT

11:03

moons 🌚

okok we’re coming

11:03

—

demon sauce 👹😈

bartemius 🥴

what r u guys wearing later

12:17

panda 🐼

the blue skirt i wore to reggie’s birthday last year + white crop top

12:21

regulus 🐍

im gonna go naked at this point idk what to wear

12:21

bartemius 🥴

well james would like that

12:21

bartemius 🥴

as would i

12:21

regulus 🐍

stfu

12:21

bartemius 🥴

😔

12:21

panda 🐼

reggie wear ur mesh top + the cargos w white stitching

12:21

regulus 🐍

i love you

12:22

bartemius 🥴

double standards is crazy work

12:22

—

j 🫶

j 🫶

hey babyy

12:34

regulus 🐍

hi

12:34

j 🫶

:(

12:34

regulus 🐍

hi <3

12:34

j 🫶

:)

12:34

j 🫶

u want me to pick you up later?

12:34

regulus 🐍

yes pls

12:34

j 🫶

what abt ur roommate

12:34

regulus 🐍

what about him?

12:34

j 🫶

does he want a ride too

12:34

regulus 🐍

no i dont like him

12:35

j 🫶

reg 🤨

12:35

regulus 🐍

sigh

12:35

regulus 🐍

hold on

12:35

regulus 🐍

he said yes

12:35

j 🫶

okay

12:35

j 🫶

i’ll be there at like 7 ish

12:35

j 🫶

see you later love

12:35

regulus 🐍

❤️

12:35

j 🫶 reacted ‘💞’ to your message

seen 12:35

—

freak 🤢

freak 🤢

what time r u getting here

13:49

regulus 🐍

james is picking barty and i up at 7

13:49

freak 🤢

okok

13:49

freak 🤢

what about pandora?

13:49

freak 🤢

hows she getting here

13:49

regulus 🐍

im actually not sure

13:50

freak 🤢

well she lives in the opposite direction to u so moons can go and get her if she needs it

13:50

regulus 🐍

i’ll make sure she knows

13:50

regulus 🐍

do u want us to bring anything?

13:50

freak 🐍

nah marls bought the entirety of Lidl’s alcohol section so we’re good

13:50

regulus 🐍

charming

13:50

freak 🤢

see u later reggieeeeee

13:50

seen 13:50

—

evan 🤭

barty 😈

*bumps into you cutely*

14:12

barty 😈

well hey there

14:12

evan 🤭

what in the most significant fuck

14:15

barty 😈

hey uwu

14:15

evan 🤭

stop

14:15

barty 😈

b-b-b-but w-why…?

14:15

evan 🤭

view attachment: 1 screenshot

14:15

evan 🤭

i will block you.

14:15

barty 😈

you wouldnt dare

14:15

evan 🤭

try me

14:15

barty 😈

gosh, we’re quite grumpy today arent we?

14:16

evan 🤭

what do u want

14:16

barty 😈

i need help

14:16

barty 😈

im going to a party tn and idk what to wear

14:16

barty 😈

reggies being suffocatingly helpful as always

14:16

evan 🤭

i cant help you

14:16

evan 🤭

im also going to a party and i also dk what to wear

14:16

barty 😈

imagine its the same one lololol

14:16

evan 🤭

i’d shoot myself on site

14:17

barty 😈

how ridiculously rude

14:17

barty 😈

reggies bf is coming to pick us up in like 4 hrs and im still in bed

14:17

barty 😈

help me

14:17

evan 🤭

i cant

14:17

barty 😈

why ever not

14:17

evan 🤭

two very simple reasons

14:17

evan 🤭

1, i dont even know what im wearing for my party

14:17

evan 🤭

2, i dont care

14:17 

barty 😈

sigh

14:18

barty 😈

well now what do i do

14:18

evan 🤭

not my problem, i fear

14:18

barty 😈

:(

14:18

evan 🤭

:)

14:18

evan 🤭

why dont u ask reggie to help u

14:18

barty 😈

i alr tried that

14:18

evan 🤭

and?

14:18

barty 😈

and he told me where to shove it

14:18

barty 😈

im surrounded by useless people

14:18

evan 🤭

i think that maybe ur the problem

14:18

barty 😈

i resent that

14:18

evan 🤭

sometimes its hard to face the truth, sweetheart

14:18

barty 😈

SWEETHEART?????????

14:20

barty 😈

i knew you were in love with me

14:20

—

demon sauce 👹😈

barty 😈

view attachment: 1 screenshot

14:20

barty 😈

GUYS HE CALLED ME SWEETHEART

14:20

reggiekins 😋😩

foul.

14:20

barty 😈

acting like james doesnt call u ‘baby’

14:20

reggiekins 😋😩

thats different

14:20

barty 😈

yeah?

14:20

barty 😈

whys that?

14:20

reggiekins 😋😩

CS JAMES IS ACTUALLY MY BF

14:20

barty 😈

fucking RUDE

14:21

barty 😈

evan will be my bf

14:21

barty 😈

mark my words

14:21

panda 🐼 

okay shush both of you

14:21

panda 🐼

bee do you want me to cast a love spell

14:21

barty 😈

fuck yes

14:21

reggiekins 😋😩

NO

14:21

reggiekins 😋😩

you are NOT casting a love spell on some poor unsuspecting stranger

14:21

barty 😈

break up w james

14:21

reggiekins 😋😩

what why

14:21

barty 😈

hes made you non-vengeful

14:22

barty 😈

i dont like it

14:22

reggiekins 😋😩

shame

14:22

barty 😈

gna go talk to my future bf now bye losers

14:22

—

barty???

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

i am NOT in love with you

14:20

barty???

mhm sure

14:22

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

no

14:22

barty???

its okay if u dont know it yet

14:22

barty???

i know and thats all that matters

14:22

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

let me live

14:22

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

im not in love w u

14:22

barty???

u cannot gaslight gatekeep girlboss ur way out of this one, ev

14:22

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

what

14:22

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

the brainrot is insane

14:22

barty???

lies and slander

14:22

barty??? 

see look how easy our banter is

14:22

barty???

a clear sign of love

14:22

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

bye

14:23

barty???

noooo dont go

14:23

barty???

:(((((

14:23

seen 14:23

—

fifty shades of gay 🤪😍

lils 🙏

sirius is crashing out

15:01

lils 🙏

remus and james come back quick

15:01

shakespeare 🤓

we JUST left

15:01

shakespeare 🤓

like he hasnt even turned on the engine

15:01

shakespeare 🤓

what on earth couldve possibly happened since we left

15:01

lils 🙏

calamity

15:01

shakespeare 🤓

well james has driven off now

15:01

shakespeare 🤓

we cant come back

15:01

shakespeare 🤓

what an utter shame

15:01

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

if u guys need any more help i can be there in the next hour

15:01

mcdonalds 🍟

PLS DO I CANT W SIRIUS

15:02

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

😭😭 okay i’ll be omw

15:02

marls 🎸

i cant i only just started my makeup

15:02

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

…the partys in like four hours

15:02

marls 🎸

theres a reason im hotter than u, rosier

15:02

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

damn

15:02

xeno 🔮

if ev can pick me up then i can come early too

15:02

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

👍👍

15:02

cat food 🐀

i would offer but im in bed

15:02

dork

i would offer but i dont want to

15:02

dork

also marlene is very nice to look at and i would like to continue doing so

15:02

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

ew

15:02

dork 

just bc ur salty that barty hasnt fucked u yet

15:03

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

um NO

15:03

dork

yeah

15:03

cat food 🐀

soooo plan for tn is to get evan laid?

15:03

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

no

15:03

mcdonalds 🍟

challenge accepted

15:03

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

CHALLENGE????

15:03

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

i hate it here

15:03

you left fifty shades of gay 🤪😍

xeno 🔮 added you to fifty shades of gay 🤪😍

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

let me live

15:04

xeno 🔮

only if u stay in the chat

15:04

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

fine but im going now

15:04

—

barty???

barty???

pick my grillz

15:31

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

what

15:31

barty???

pick

15:31

barty ???

view attachment: 2 photos

15:31

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

oh

15:34

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

the second one

15:34

barty??? 

thank you ml

15:34

—

fifty shades of gay 🤪😍

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

he has nice teeth

15:34

cat food 🐀

what the fuck does that even mean

15:34

marls 🎸

who are we talking about

15:35

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

barty

15:35

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

he has nice teeth

15:35

shakespeare 🤓

and why do you know what his teeth look like?

15:35

cap 🫡⚽️

do u finally have a pic of him????

15:35

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

nono

15:35

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

he wanted me to choose which grillz he wears tn

15:35

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

he has some party

15:35

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

the pic was v zoomed in i could only see his teeth

15:36

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

hes got like

15:36

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

sharp canines

15:36

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

yk

15:36

xeno 🔮

why r u talking like a simpleton

15:36

evan 😶‍🌫️🍃

die

15:36

—

evan 🤭

barty 😈

thank you ml

15:34

evan 🤭

im not ur love

15:36

barty 😈

just you wait

15:36

evan 🤭

ive been here for two hours already

17:43

evan 🤭

no ones even here we’re just setting up

17:43

evan 🤭

im bored out of my very mind

17:43

barty 😈

ur quite chatty today

17:45

evan 🤭

well fuck u then

17:45

barty 😈

NO I LIKE IT

17:45

barty 😈

DONT GO

17:45

evan 🤭

my friends crashing out rn

17:45

evan 🤭

hes gone and invited everyone and their mums to this party

17:45

evan 🤭

apparently this is now my fault

17:45

barty 😈

unfortunately i cant entertain u rn

17:45

barty 😈

regs bf will be here to get us in like a hr and i have to do both of our makeups before then

17:45

barty 😈

so goodbye

17:45

evan 🤭

rude

17:45

seen 17:45

—

“Poke my eye out and I’ll fucking kill you,” Regulus huffed as Barty reached up to smear black eyeliner across his waterline.

“You think so little of me, Reggie,” He replied, gently whacking Regulus’ hand away when he reached up to grab his wrist. “Have faith, Christ. I’ve done this for you so many times.”

He was met with an exaggerated eye roll when he took the eyeliner away, clicking the cap on and dropping it to the floor with the rest of their makeup. 

The two of them were sitting on the floor of Barty’s bedroom, in front of the floor length mirror that he kept propped up on the wall closest to the windows. 

Regulus glanced around the room. “When are you ever going to clean this place? It’s such a shit tip.”

Barty rolled his eyes, despite the fact that Regulus probably had a point. He had clothes strewn across his bed and the floor, both dirty and clean from the hour he had spent trying to decide what to wear. There were two full ashtrays on his bedside table, next to an empty beer bottle from the night before. One of the posters that had lined the wall above his bed had fallen to the floor, crumpled next to the empty laundry basket in the corner.

“Whenever I can be arsed,” Was his reply. He lifted up one of the eyeshadow pallets he’d stolen from Sirius and dipped a brush into the silver glitter, spreading it carefully under Regulus’ eyes and giving the illusion of tears.

“Seriously, Bee, it’s unnerving.”

“Relax, Reg,” He sighed. “I’ll get around to it.”

A loud knock at the front door rang through the flat. Regulus glanced down at the clock that Barty had placed next to the mirror. “Shit, it’s almost seven.” He pushed himself off the floor and jogged through the flat to answer the door. “Bee, come here!”

Barty flicked the pallet closed and stood up, following Regulus’ voice to the living room area.

James was shrugging off his jacket, smiling softly at Regulus as he rambled on about how he hadn’t quite finished getting ready and that he needed a little more time. 

“All good, love.” James interrupted Regulus’ rant. “We’re not in a rush.” He leaned in and pressed a quick kiss to his lips before his eyes flicked over to where Barty was standing. “Hi.”

Regulus spun around. “Right. Barty, James. James, Barty.”

“Nice to finally meet you.” James stuck out a hand.

Barty took it, a grin spreading slowly across his face. “Likewise.”