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The Cruciatus Curse– incantation: Crucio– is one of the Unforgivable Curses. It is known by many as the ‘Torturing Curse,’ as it subjects the affected to excruciating pain. Long-term exposure to this curse can cause lasting mental and physical effects, including but not limited to fatigue, confusion, coldness and chills, nightmares, and even insanity.
One
The days after Regulus came to live with the Potters were dark and cold. Not just because of the weather, but because Regulus couldn’t seem to shake the deep chills that bit at his skin, piercing into his bones. They came on randomly and suddenly, but never seemed to completely disappear. Even when Sirius brought him blankets and jumpers, even when he sat in front of the fire and drank the hot tea Effie carefully made him and handed him with a gentle smile, he couldn’t stop shivering.
It was infuriating.
Monty did research. While the information on victims of the Cruciatus Curse was limited at best, it seemed that this was a common side effect. Something about the body losing the ability to properly regulate after being in crisis for so long. It would get better, he said, after time and care and love.
So Regulus endured. Shivered and grimaced, the never-ending cold making him want to cry out in frustration. He took steaming showers and sought out the warmest of clothes, all while trying not to think about the place he’d escaped from. The horrors he’d gone though.
And James Potter…James didn’t say much at first. He looked at him sometimes, concern in his eyes. But they weren’t close, so that's probably why he stayed away. And Regulus didn’t say much to him, either. It was an odd relationship between the pair of them. What did one say to the boy whose house you had escaped to? The boy who your brother was close to, but you didn’t know much at all? The boy who you used to resent for having it all, but now you just sort of…looked at with curiosity.
So they didn’t interact much.
The worst part was the way his hands shook. He couldn’t stop it, and it frustrated him to no end. It was on one particularly infuriating morning, as he was trying to eat cereal, leaning over the bowl and frowning in concentration, that he found himself alone at the table with James Potter.
He tried not to let on how annoyed he was. When he lifted a spoonful of cereal to his mouth, only to lose a piece back into the bowl or into the napkin on his lap. And of course, the whole thing was even more annoying because he was bundled in layer after layer of clothing. It was infuriating. So after a few tries, he let out a frustrated kind of snort, allowing his spoon to clatter into the bowl.
“Cold?” James asked awkwardly, looking over to him from his own food.
“No, I just like spilling my food,” Regulus retorted before he could stop himself, blushing a bit at his own sharp remark.
James, however, didn’t seem upset. He just chuckled and reached out, gently grabbing both of Regulus’s shaking hands and enveloping them completely with his own.
Instantly, Regulus froze. He wasn’t used to being touched like this, so kindly and tenderly, and his instincts screamed at him to be weary. “Potter, what are you–?”
“Just warming your hands up, Reg, it’s alright,” James mumbled, whispered calmingly, throwing him a disarming smile. And then he took Regulus even more off-guard by leaning forward to blow into his cupped hands, Regulus’s own hands trapped inside.
Warmth.
He wanted to protest, but the whole action was so incredibly intimate and kind that it caught him completely by surprise…so he didn’t. And before he knew it, the shaking of his palms and fingers stilled. James squeezed his hands one more time before letting go, smiling once more. “Better?” he asked, genuine concern in his voice.
“Yes,” Regulus whispered, dumbfounded, already missing the warmth and comfort that had brought feeling back to his fingertips.
“Good.”
Two
They had plans to watch a Muggle Christmas film. Regulus had never seen a Muggle film before; never really celebrated Christmas either. Christmas, according to his parents, was horribly plebeian. They spoke of Yule, but didn’t lower themselves to the ridiculousness of tree-decorating or stocking-hanging. That was for lesser mortals.
So while Sirius went into the kitchen to pop popcorn and collect drinks, Regulus sat on the couch, curled in a giant green and red blanket, trying to focus on the conversation going on in front of him, and not the way his body shook.
“...you really should see Elf at some point, too,” James was saying earnestly, eyes wide. “I mean, Home Alone is amazing, but Elf is so funny, Reg, I-” but he cut himself off, eyes narrowing. “Are you alright?”
“F-fine,” he mumbled, frowning and looking down. He was fine, he just…wasn’t. He was cold, and shivering, and couldn’t focus on what James was saying, even though he did want to.
James, however, didn’t listen to him. Instead, he grabbed another blanket from nearby and began to drape it over Regulus’s shoulders.
The kindness wasn’t the part that made Regulus react, though. It was the way that, as James moved, his arm brushed the side of Regulus’s neck. And fuck, his arm was so warm.
Without thinking, Regulus leaned into the touch, eyes fluttering closed, almost moaning with the way his body immediately relaxed. Of course, it only took him a half a second to pull back, mortified. “Sorry, I-” he whispered, cold cheeks turning a flaming red.
But James just gave him a small, understanding smile and hesitantly draped his arm around Regulus, bringing him close when Regulus didn’t pull back. “S’okay. I know you’re cold. I always run a bit warm.”
Warm? No, the fire was warm. The water that Regulus allowed to slowly flow over his back in the shower was warm. James’s arm around him was like the glow of the spring sun after an eternity of winter. And suddenly, even as James began to speak again, he couldn’t pay attention to what the other boy was saying for a completely different reason.
When Sirius returned, hovering popcorn and drinks with his wand, they both jumped apart, making room for Sirius in between them. But while they watched the movie, Regulus couldn’t stop thinking about the way the cold began seeping through him again, and how it had finally disappeared for a moment.
Three
He tried not to think about the way his body had relaxed in James’s one-armed embrace. The way he was able to breathe for the first time in too long. The way his muscles had eased and the way the chill had slowly left every inch of his skin.
He failed miserably.
He was just so cold. And he knew, now, that there was a solution. He reminded himself it had nothing to do with who it was, it was just that he finally had a way to relax a bit.
So he started thinking about James Potter a lot more as the dreary days of December wore on. He watched him from his bedroom window, smiling fondly in spite of himself as he saw James throw snowballs at Sirius or build a giant snowman. And he started to notice that James’s grin was as warm as his body. His eyes sparkled like the sun, heating Regulus’s insides without even touching him. He became more and more drawn to him.
He didn’t act, though. He was too nervous, too wrapped up in processing everything that had led him to the Potter Manor, the coldness that still enveloped his skin. If he really took the time to think about it, he probably would have admitted to himself that he was scared. Not only of rejection, but of experiencing the same cruel-hearted hatred that he’d just escaped. As illogical as it was to fear from someone like James, he was still healing, and he couldn’t put himself out there, even to ask for something as simple as warmth.
James, it seemed, did not have the same reservations.
“Is the fire working?” the older boy asked one particularly-chilly evening as Regulus sat a bit too close to the flickering flame in the hearth.
“It’s burning the wood, if that’s what you’re asking,” Regulus mumbled, but there wasn’t any bite to his answer.
There was a chuckle from behind him, and all of a sudden, Regulus felt James sit directly behind him on the fluffy rug.
“What are you doing, Potter?” he demanded, craning his neck around to eye the older boy.
“Helping,” James said simply, opening his arms invitingly and raising his eyebrows. The invitation was clear. “I want you to be warm.”
Narrowing his own eyebrows and frowning, Regulus almost protested. James wanted him to sit on his lap? That was embarrassing. He would be fine by the fire. It was plenty warm enough, and he had his blankets and his jumpers, and…
But the memory of James’s soothing arm around him flashed into his brain and he felt his resolve leave him as another shiver wracked his small frame. “Just for a little while,” he said in a voice much smaller than he intended. He scooted backwards, allowing James to pull him onto his lap while he still faced the fire.
Moving into James’s embrace was like finally resting after running a marathon. His body sagged, his muscles eased, the pinpricks of cold slowly left through his toes and fingers, and he found himself eagerly snuggling closer to the other boy, quite forgetting his pride.
And when strong arms encircled him, James’s head resting on his own, he felt safe. Like James was fighting off the cold with his own body, his arms shielding him from freezing winds.
He couldn’t help but let out a pleased sigh, turning slightly so he could press his cheek into the thin material of James’s shirt, the heat emanating off him even through his clothes.
“I’ve got you, love,” James murmured into his hair. “You’re safe. I’ll keep you safe.”
He could only hum a small, contented sigh, trying not to think about the way the words pulled at his heartstrings.
The steady beat of James’s heart lulled Regulus to sleep.
Four
Neither of them said a word about what happened the other night. Nobody had found them– Sirius had been at Remus’s and Effie and Fleamont had already been in bed. Part of Regulus wanted to ignore it and part of him craved James’s touch, his warmth.
He was too afraid to ask for more. Though the shivering spells were lessening, he was still always too cold to be comfortable. So he spent day after freezing day yearning for James’s arms, but never reaching for them.
The nightmares, on the other hand, were not getting better. After the first few nights of Sirius running to his bed, waking him up with a truly terrified expression and heartbreak in his eyes, Regulus had chosen to cast a silencing spell on his room. He didn’t want to bother anyone, bother Sirius . His brother already suffered enough from his own experiences with their parents, he didn’t need to worry about Regulus, too.
But Regulus forgot the charm one night.
“Reg! Reggie, wake up!”
He awoke in the pitch black dark, shaking from head to foot, throat raw from screaming, thrashing against the hand on his shoulder. He was so shocked, so frightened, that it took him a moment to realize who had woken him.
“Are-are you okay?” James asked him with wide eyes, hand still loose on his shoulder, as Regulus slowly calmed.
“Y-ye-yes,” he responded, squeezing his eyes shut, trying to hide the way his body was reacting to the dream. He could hardly feel his toes, and he wanted to just curl in a ball, both to preserve body heat and to cry.
He must have still been dreaming. That was the only explanation for why James moved behind him and lay under his blankets in his bed, pulling him close.
Their bodies fit together perfectly. That was the first thought that passed through Regulus’s hazy brain as he melted back into James’s chest, breath falling from his lips in a nervous gasp.
He felt so safe . As James’s arms secured around his waist and he felt lips graze his neck, the glowing wave of sun caused him to sink into the bed, tiredness and relaxation overcoming him.
“James,” he mumbled, eyes suddenly fluttering with exhaustion.
A hand found his own under the blanket, and he gripped it lightly, reveling in the way his chest burst with happiness.
“Sleep, baby. We can talk tomorrow.”
He slept.
Five
He awoke to the tickles of someone else’s breath at the nape of his neck, the quiet sounds of little snores cutting through the silence. The warmth of the other person’s embrace was addicting, and Regulus unabashedly turned, burrowing into a strong chest.
When his consciousness came back fully, his stomach sank.
James Potter was in his bed.
Pulling back a bit, he tried to detangle his arms and legs from the other boy, but he felt James stiffen, his arms locking just slightly, so Regulus couldn’t move as easily.
“Stay here,” James mumbled, pressing his lips to Regulus’s hair. “Please.”
His heart stopped for a moment, before kicking into triple-time. “James, what are we doing…?” he murmured, not looking into the other boy’s eyes.
“We’re cuddling, Reggie,” James whispered, still pressing light kisses to his head. “Is that alright?”
“Yes…I…” But that wasn’t what he was asking. Why were they cuddling? Why did they hold hands and why did Regulus sit on James’s lap? Why was James kissing him?
Two warm hands pressed lightly on his cheeks, gently guiding his head so their eyes met. Regulus resisted the urge to run from his own room. Instead, he just bit his lip, ignoring the way his stomach completely filled with lead.
“Do you feel it?” James whispered, hazel eyes wide, eyebrows raised. “When we…when we’re together, do you feel…? Because I do.”
He didn’t hesitate this time. Smile playing on his lips, he allowed himself to feel hope for the first time. “Yes,” he mumbled. “I…I actually feel warm around you.”
But when James’s lips moved to press so gently to his, barely the whisper of a kiss, he felt more than warm. Heat burst from his heart, shining through his entire body, burning away the cold, sustaining him even after James pulled away, both of them smiling huge smiles of joy.
+1
He could tell, that morning, as they all sat around the sitting room, eager to open Christmas presents and celebrate together, that James was hesitant. Perhaps the other boy was nervous that Regulus regretted the way their lips had moved together. Perhaps he thought Regulus wanted to keep it a secret. But either way, Regulus didn’t think about it much as he moved towards the boy he’d felt drawn to for weeks, now. He simply sat next to him, curling into the warmth of his arms, feeling the chills ease from his body, and sighed happily.
Finally, he wasn’t cold anymore.