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“Here ya go, bro!”
“Thanks, Mikey!” Leonardo smiled as he accepted the four thermoses from the youngest. “Come on, Raph—let’s go!” The brawler raised an eye ridge questioningly.
“What’s with the picnic basket? I assumed we were going out on patrol.”
“Well,” Mikey drawled out in a teasing tone. “You know what they say when you assume… you make an Ass out of U and Me!” He laughed as Donnie rolled his eyes.
“Do you want them to go or would you rather Raph knock your shell loose?” Seeing the mentioned turtle punch a fist in his other palm, the jokester froze.
“I mean, uh, have a nice time guys! Stay warm! See ya,” he said as he ran off.
Raphael turned back to the oldest, his brow furrowed in thought. He hadn’t expected Leo to want to go out since snow was predicted tonight. Even before his two years in the sweltering Amazon rainforests of Central America, the leader was much more acclimated to warmer temperatures. Although they were all originally cold-blood turtles, he had always been the most susceptible to being cold. Before he could ask anything further, he felt his wrist grabbed as he was pulled towards the door.
“Hurry, we’re going to miss it!”
“Gonna miss what? Leo, ya hate the cold and it’s suppose to snow.”
“I know!” he stopped and smiled. “All the more reason I need my favorite Hothead to help keep me warm.” He rubbed the other’s shoulder and a shiver ran through Raph.
A lot had happened this year… Leonardo finally returned from the jungle and despite his relief that he was safe, Raphael nearly killed him. No sooner had he turned his back on him, he was taken and they had to launch an all-out rescue mission to bring the oldest back home—again. Even Master Splinter showed up to fight and as much as he hated Karai, teaming up with the Foot was their best bet to right his wrong.
The other irony being that the very welcome-home gift he had made for Leo was used to replace the katana he broke in his rage. Two years of pain towards his brother for putting their father’s wishes before their needs—before him—fueled his resolve to hurt the other. His sais snapped the beloved blades in the same way he had snapped and almost ended the one he missed most, his own beloved brother…
Steel sharpens steel, yes, but anger is depression turned inward.
Damn Leonardo and his resolve to always do right, but also… to be the one in the right. He nearly died—twice—because of Raphael but he apologized anyway. They talked through things and healed enough that it was almost like before he left, except one thing still lingered in his mind…
”Leo… You're gonna need these if you're gonna lead us out of here.”
“I'm gonna need you too…”
They are a team and they had a big fight, that’s all he meant and nothing more.
They are a family and brothers, the only four of their kind ever, of course they needed each other. Surely, he would have said the same to their two younger brothers.
Right? That had to be right, because wasn’t he wrong for the way he hoped otherwise?
But maybe he wasn’t entirely. Or, if nothing else, he wasn’t alone. Because he was rather suspicious that something more had been going on at home which he was too self-absorbed to notice before when there were just three turtles and he was obviously the odd one out…
“Raph! Are you okay?”
“Huh?” Pulled from his thoughts, he looked up to see Leo was already at the top of the ladder with one hand on the manhole cover. He then glanced down, not remembering when he was handed the picnic basket that he was holding. Without a word, he began climbing the rungs carefully towards the outstretched hand reaching for his parcel. Once topside, he nodded his thanks as he slid the metal disc back over with his foot and followed behind the other.
Within minutes they were settled on a rooftop and the oldest made quick work of removing items from the basket, smiling the entire time like a child at Christmas.
“Red thermos has coffee,” he explained, handing it to Raph. “Blue, tea. Green ones are soup—in case you get hungry while we wait.”
“Wait for what?”
“The first snow of the season!” He popped off the top and paused before taking a sip. “Mikey,” he laughed. “Guess he figured the occasion called for hot cocoa instead.” Raph opened the red thermos and took a sniff.
“Still coffee, but he put some seasonal flavor creamer or whatever in it. Smells like, I dunno, Christmas?” The other laughed.
“What does ‘Christmas’ smell like?”
“I dunno, that’s just what it reminds me of,” the brawler shrugged as he took a drink. “Oh yeah, that’s definitely Christmas,” he grinned and the other smiled back. Pulling out a few blankets, Leonardo handed one to Raphael and wrapped the other two around himself.
“Thanks for coming out here with me,” the leader sighed. “I’ve spent so much time alone, I just wanted…”
“I get that part. But what I don’t get is… Why this? Ya hate the cold!”
“I do,” he nodded. “But I missed this. I didn’t realize how many warm memories I had during the cold season, how much more time we spent staying close to keep warm inside to be safe from the freeze outside.” He looked upwards at the stars. “I thought about how Donnie explained that every single snowflake is unique, that no two are alike… and I realized life is filled with snowflakes.”
“How do ya mean?”
“Every moment is its own. Even when we do the same type of things, it has breath and heartbeat of its own… every kata we practice, every movie we watch… Movements vary ever so slightly until perfected, but even then our breathing may not be exactly the same. Our family time is filled with different moments of laughter, various comments, even the sound of each other snacking creates its own rhythm… How much of that I missed because Sensei sent me away, all because I wasn’t good enough.”
“Hey!” he hissed. “Ya were always good enough! Hell, ya better than us. It made no sense why he sent his best student away!”
“Just because I was the best student didn’t mean I couldn’t be a better leader like he needed me to be…”
“That’s bullshit,” he spat. “We didn’t sign up for this and none of us wanted ya to go!”
“It was an honor—”
“Did ya want to go?” He turned, looking at him trying to not look desperate while waiting for the answer.
“It was an hon—”
“DID. YA. WANT. TO. GO?” The other froze before slowly shaking his head.
“Of course not. Every mile on that plane felt like my heart was being ripped bit by bit the further I was away from you—you guys,” he sighed.
“Then why did ya go?”
“Father told me to.”
“Ya could have refused. Ya could have stood up for us and said ya wouldn’t leave. How the hell were ya supposed to learn how to be a better leader without your team?”
“I couldn’t disrespect him like that.”
“So tomorrow if he sends ya away again, that’s it? Ya just pack ya bag and go?”
“No,” he stated firmly. “I’m not a child anymore. As much as I respect our father, I made up my mind a long time ago… that once I returned, I no longer needed to fear Master Splinter.”
“Promise, Leo? Do ya really promise? ‘Cause I don’t think we can survive something like that again.” He both hated and didn’t care at the sound of his voice cracking from the stress of such a thought…
“I promise, Raph.” A leaf-green hand reached out from the blankets and gripped his covered bicep. “Even if I hadn’t made my decision before I got back, seeing how you—you all—were would have been enough to show me how important it is that the four of us stay together, no matter what.”
“Good,” Raph nodded before quickly opening his arms and embracing the other in a blanket-covered hug. He rested his chin on the other’s head so he was unable to see the tears he could feel forming in his eyes… “If ya gotta go anywhere, I’ll pack my bags too. We’ll grab Donnie and Mikey, whether they wanna go or not. We’re older, we call the shots. You’re our leader, ya give the orders. They’ll listen.”
“I thought… I thought maybe you all didn’t need me. That it was just me who needed all of you,” he sighed.
“We needed ya, Leo… Damn it all to hell, we needed ya then and we need ya now and we’ll always need ya just like we always have.”
“Even you?” he asked, the leader’s voice soft and fragile like a child.
“Can’t ya tell? Especially me!” A half-hearted chuckle escaped him, wet with unshed tears. “I felt so lost without ya…” he confessed, clinging a little tighter to the bundle in his arms. “Ya saw how much I tore the family apart without ya there keeping me in line.”
“I don’t try to ‘keep you in line’, I just—”
“Ya don’t have to try, ya just do… Ya bring me to heel before I go over the edge. I raise my fist, ya don’t even flinch!” He shook his head, a half-smile of admiration.
“You just… have a different point of need than our brothers do,” the eldest shrugged. He then heard a deep sigh.
“I hope ya never see the look of fear in our brothers’ eyes like I did when I would threaten them… genuinely threaten them, not just brotherly bullying but when I got into these moods and would just, rampage. Is why they just, left me on my own to deal with my own shit in my own fucked up way. Ain’t no way they didn’t know I was the Night Watcher… hell, even Casey figured it out!”
“I was surprised…”
“Ya just got back and hadn’t even thought much about it. If ya hadn’t knocked my helmet off, no way ya still wouldn’t have realized it on ya own soon after.”
“Guess I didn’t want to believe you were carrying the weight of what we all did as a team solely on your shoulders,” he sighed.
“Leo, April told us about ya over there when she got back—ya were doing the same damn thing!” The eldest pulled back, yanking his head up so that he was staring directly at the other turtle.
“Small villages are nothing like New York City!” he hissed.
“All guns fire bullets! It just takes one of those pieces of metal to take us out—shell or no shell. At least I had armor and not some discarded tablecloth!”
“It was not a tablecloth! It was a heavy canvas material.” Leo pursed his mouth angrily which drew a chuckle from Raph.
“Regardless, it wasn’t gonna protect ya—no matter how cool ya might have looked in it.”
“Well,” he huffed, “I suppose I can concede your costume looked cooler.” His expression changed as he offered a teasing smirk.
“Armor,” the brawler corrected. “Costumes are for Halloween.” They grinned at each other before Raph cleared his throat. “So, uh, speaking of holidays…”
“What about holi—ah! RAPH, LOOK!” Leo pointed upwards with excitement. His gaze redirected as they saw tiny crystals starting to fall, tiny white dots against a nearly black sky. They shone and reflected like specks of glass, far more beautiful than any broken bottles they were accustomed to stepping over in the streets. The two turtles watched as the frozen precipitation danced down, first far above their heads before soon falling around them. At one point the two turtles’ sights crossed paths as the sword wielder followed the path of a snowflake that landed on Raph’s snout; meanwhile, the sai master was more transfixed by the reflections of stars in Leo’s eyes…
An uncharacteristic giggle escaped the eldest before he suddenly stuck out his tongue, capturing the snowflakes that surrounded their faces. The younger stared at the pink appendage which glistened as the ice melted on taste buds. His heart quickened and he caught himself inadvertently licking his lips, relieved when the game of catch ended after a few moments. He steadied his breaths just in time as his brother turned to him with a smile.
“I’m sorry, I interrupted you when it started to snow. You were beginning to say something about the holidays?”
“Uh, that,” Raphael cleared his throat again. “I was gonna ask… if ya wanted to taste Christmas.” The other laughed.
“You know I don’t like coffee. But I suppose I could try adding the creamer to some hot cocoa when we get home and see for myself what exactly Christmas tastes like,” he grinned.
“There’s, uh, another way.”
“Huh? How so?” With a nod, Raphael uncapped both of their drinks. He held up a hand as Leonardo began to reach out for his drink to protest the idea of him mixing the beverages. Instead, the red-banded turtle took a large swig of the coffee then did the same for the cocoa. The blue-banded turtle tilted his head curiously, caught off guard when he was suddenly pulled into a kiss in which a flavored tongue licked his lips before they separated.
“There… hopefully the cocoa covered up the coffee without losing the Christmas flavor.” Raphael’s voice sounded far more casual than he felt, as if he did something perfectly normal and not entirely unexpected that nearly left him shaking in his shell!
The eldest stared with a stunned expression, his jaw slack and his eyes wide. His first attempt to clear his throat was weak, followed by a barely stronger attempt to croak out one word.
“R-Raph?”
“Don’t make it weird,” he shrugged. “Ain’t like we ain’t never licked each other’s hands covering our mouths before.” The hothead was impressed how nonchalant he sounded to his own ears.
“Oh,” he glanced down as he tugged the blankets tighter. “Guess so.” Raph raised an eye ridge, tilting his head.
“Ya okay?”
“Yeah…”
“Sorry if I upset ya.”
“Just disappointed.” Raph sighed as he facepalmed.
“Sorry, Leo. I didn’t mean to mess up your nice night, ya were so happy and I ruined it.”
“What do you mean?”
“What do ya mean, what do I mean? You’re disappointed I kissed ya and I can’t blame ya for that.”
“No, I’m not,” he shook his head. “I’m disappointed that you aren’t going to do it again so I could get a real taste of Christmas.”
Now it was Raphael’s turn to stare with a stunned expression, his jaw slack and his eyes wide. His first attempt to clear his throat was weak, followed by a barely stronger attempt to croak out one word.
“R-Really?”
The frozen look on his face melted when he felt the other’s warm touch as he lifted a hand to cup his cheek, gently lowering him towards his mouth once again. His tongue darted out, doing a quick dash across the other’s mouth which caught Raph further by surprise.
“Mmm,” Leo licked his own lips as he pretended to ponder something for a moment. “Yes, I think kissing you is exactly what I had hoped Christmas would taste like!” He looked at him innocently, but just for a moment before his smile grew into a smirk.
As Raphael dove in to truly, fully kiss Leonardo he realized how he was probably right… moments in life are as unique as each of the snowflakes in the sky and this one would shine like the brightest diamond.
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