Work Text:
The first thing you see on your feed that morning is a dead rat and... A chibi?
"Aww, he's so cute!" You can't help but exclaim, totally ignoring the giant dead rat in favor of looking at the small, cute, and proud little face of the chibi.
Just A Human
Jul 27 at 4:15PM
Plant up for adoption, it doesn't bother me or anything, it's just that I don't understand how he could kill that big rat and the truth is that it scares me. Today it was the rat, tomorrow it could be me
"Nooo! He's so cute! How could you do this to him?!? He looks so proud, oh my God! Give me him! I'll take care of him!"
A few clicks and you're hurriedly typing and sending a message to the person in question. You don't have to wait but around thirty minutes before a ping has you hurriedly clicking the notification.
And while the person in question tells you you're not the first to want him, you are the first to get back to them so quick and, subsequently, you're the one they're going to give the little cutie who's too underappreciated in this person's hands to.
Thankfully, you're not countries away, but the spot they want to meet up at is a few hours drive away from where you live, and, frankly, you consider this little chibi boy worth that drive for you.
You're gonna bring him home and give him the best life you can offer if it's the last thing you do. So when they ask when you'll be available to come pick him up, you said, 'Right now!!'
But you do warn them about the time it's going to take you to get there. Also thankfully, they say it works perfect as they're still at work right now on break and should be off by the time you get there.
Needless to say, you hop into your car without a second thought and begin the drive immediately.
And then you're suddenly hit with the foresight to realize that you have no fucking clue how to care for a chibi and pull off on the side of the road like a responsible human being to hurriedly type out care questions to the person whose break has surely ended by now and asking what you're going to do about their care once they're handed over to you.
-
The drive is a couple hours, but you make it to the gas station relatively quick and in one piece. It's not until you've paid for enough gas for the trip back that just as you check your phone, the person you're supposed to meet pulls in.
You wave at them though you're not certain if they saw or not. Still, you finish pumping the gas into your car, get in, start it, and pull in next to them.
By the time you get out and walk around your car, they're stepping out of the driver's seat with a box in their hands.
"Hey, you are the owner of the account Just A Human, right?" You ask just to be sure.
However, you're surprised at just how quick the box is pressed into your arms.
"Here he is. Just as promised. No payment required. His, uh, care items are in the back. I'll get them for you."
You're left blinking in surprise at how quickly all of this is going. And as you look down at the box, you're a little startled by the shifting of the lid and the strange tiny tendrils that glint in the light that appear and move like tentacles.
"Uhm??!!" You start, not sure what to make of it, though you do register that they're the same ones from the picture.
"Would you mind opening your trunk or back door for me?"
Your attention moves back to the person and you open the door for them as they deposit an arm's worth of boxes and bags into your backseat.
"So, uhm, are you gonna tell me what I need to do to care for the little guy or uh-"
"I'm in quite a rush right now, but you can message me about any questions you have and I'll get back to you as soon as possible."
"Uhm, okay,..." You say. This is certainly not how you expected this interaction to go. "But, uh, just so you know, I hate you for this and think you're a terrible person."
You're rather surprised when their surprised look turns into a grin as they laugh.
"Fair enough, but it's not like I bought him or anything. He was given to me by someone else."
You gasp at that.
"You're both terrible! You're giving this sweet baby abandonment issues!"
They shrug.
"Think what you want, but don't judge until it's you he's bringing dead rats to."
You hug the box closer defensively.
"I'd be honored if he presented me with dead rodents!"
They shrug again.
"That's your prerogative, but I gotta go. Later."
You move as they step around you and climb into their car, leaving you just standing there watching as they leave.
You're stunned until more movement in the box urges you to sprint around and climb into your own car, closing the door behind you.
Once situated, you open the box, hardly able to contain the reaction of saying, "Aww!" and reaching out to cup him in your hand.
He has climbed up the side of the box somehow and is now holding onto the edge with his tiny hands. You can't help but note he looks adorably angry or frustrated as he looks over his shoulder at you.
"Hey there, little guy. Aren't you just adorable? Your past owners were assholes, but I promise to treat you better, alright? You're coming home with me." You say, reaching out your hand for him to stand on.
He stands on your hand and peers up at you, leaving you overtaken by the urge to coo at him.
"You wanna sit on my shoulder or in my lap while I drive?"
-
You: What's his name?
Just A Human: Knives. Millions Knives.
"Oh-kay..." You trail off after jerking your head back slightly in surprise, making a face.
What kind of name is that??
You: Why?
You: ...He doesn't have any knives.
Just A Human: Oh, believe me. He does.
That's... A little concerning. You look over at your new companion who looks up at you in turn.
"Well, Knives, it's nice to meet you." You say, petting his hair with a gentle finger.
Just A Human: Also he doesn't sleep so there's that.
"Well, geez." You look back over to your chibi companion. "I can see why you might be scary to some. This is... Interesting. But you're my little buddy and I'm keeping you even if it kills me!" You assert.
You: Why'd you give me a bed for him if he doesn't sleep?
Just A Human: He likes to curl up in it.
Okay, but that's really fricken cute. You turn back to Knives and smile.
"Let's get your stuff set up, yeah?"
You set your hand down for him to climb into and raise and hold him against your chest when he steps on. He's so little... And so, so cute.
-
He's got such a little personality, you find. As you go about setting up his space, you find him giving you a disapproving look if he doesn't like your choice of placement and even moving items far larger than himself to where he wants them to be.
He does indeed have knives, you find, in the form of long tendrils that seem to come from his back?
They're covered in small glinting sharp looking objects you find are his knives when you make the mistake of reaching out to touch one, only to jerk your finger back with an, "Ow!"
A small little prick of blood is all you see. It doesn't bleed further, but it becomes very obvious they could certainly do more damage if given the chance and with clear motive. Now you see why perhaps people wouldn't feel so safe around him.
Still,... You find yourself giving a quiet snort at the look he gives you once you look back down at him. He looks clearly like he's asking you, "Now why'd you do that for, dumbass? Didn't you notice how sharp they looked?"
And then he goes back to arranging things to his liking not a second later and you do let out an amused puff of air this time, watching him wrap those tendrils around objects, lift, and shift them where he wants them.
"You're such a sassy little thing." You tell him, not quite sure at this point if those tendrils of his have a limit to how far they can stretch, but it's longer than you would have thought.
He's such a curious little thing. You know all chibi are different and that they have their own unique quirks and abilities, but... You never quite imagined you'd ever have one of your own, much less one that can do stuff like this.
What else can he do, you wonder? As you start to grow hungry, you let him know you'll be going to fix dinner while he fixes up his own space. He gives you a brief glance and goes back to what he was doing so you assume he's cool with that.
You hesitate briefly before going to cook. You wonder what he might want to eat... You're kind of craving mac n' cheese, and if he doesn't like it, well, maybe you could fix him something else; let him pick out what he wants and fix him a little something.
So, you put on the water and set about coming up for solutions for him to get places when he needs to while you're not awake or home. Though,... You wonder if they'd allow you to bring him to work with you, if he'd be well behaved enough for that.
He doesn't seem like such a trouble maker so far. The only crime you've known of him doing right now is potentially being creepy with his lack of sleeping habits and killing rodents. To you, that doesn't seem so bad.
He's also got blades, but hey, a lot of chibis have weird abilities. Some don't even look human, so to you, it's not that big of a deal. So far, to you, he's just an adorable little guy and you want to make sure he has a happy life here with you.
When you're not checking on the heating water (which you've put a lid on to make it heat faster), you're watching him arrange his things in his new space or scrolling on your phone. And you may have taken a few photos and videos of him...
He's just too cute not to! With his little focused face and pondering pose as he stops and takes stock of what he's put where and how it looks compared to the rest of the space.
After a moment of contemplation, he moves his bed more in the corner and then orders his other stuff around it. You nod in approval. A nice vantage point. No one can get you from the corner if you're already in it. You like his manner of thinking.
As you go to check on the water this time, you find it's really close to boiling to the point you need it to be so you decide to wait in there for it to get there and then pour the noodles in- careful not to also pour in the cheese bag.
You: What kind of food does he like? Does he like mac'n'cheese?
...You don't get a response, and you're starting to get a little anxious about it. A long time passes and you're still checking your phone even as you fry hamburger meat with onions to go in it. Still no response. You're a little frustrated, honestly.
What are you supposed to feed the little guy if he doesn't like it?! He's way smaller than you are, surely he'll get hungry faster. You don't want him to starve!
And you give a growl of frustration when trying to look up anything about chibis online, specifically his type... "Plant," you get the same old answer you get anywhere else, "There is no one food for chibis. Each are different and unique and may require a different diet. Please check with your chibi provider-"
Blah, blah, blah. The same old shit they shovel everywhere. The "Chibis are new to our environment and as such, not much is currently known beyond-" Yeah, yeah. What a load of horseshit.
So you're supposed to just figure this out yourself and potentially accidentally kill the little guy because he happens to be allergic to grapes or something?
You blow out a huff, scrolling through useless information, seeing the same ol' link of, "Please go to the nearest Chibi Center if you have any concerns," and your nearest place is like, ten miles off and you'll potentially get told the same old shit many others do: "Sir/Ma'am, we simply don't have enough information to be certain!"
You let out another frustrated breath. Damn. Maybe you should have considered a scenario like this before taking him in... But!! It's not like he would have been better off with someone else!
Clearly he's already been put through the ringer of being given away twice that you know of!! Ridiculous. And asking him doesn't give you any answers. You're not even sure if he can speak at all.
He just looks up at you with those teal eyes of his, and carrying him over to the pot to investigate doesn't give you any answers either one way or the other either.
So you huff to yourself and angrily break apart the frozen hamburger meat as it fries, making sure it's all nice and brown before you add it to the mac'n'cheese which has been sitting in the bot you boiled it in, having added the milk, butter, and cheese in between waiting for the meat to fry after making sure the butter was all nice and melted by the hot, freshly drained of water, noodles.
After everything is finished, you give him a little portion, but he won't even take it, just turning his head aside no matter how much you try to coerce him to eat, even with some snacks and sweets and other foods that don't require cooking.
You make a small noise, kind of at your wit's end and a little frustrated and upset.
You: He won't eat! Is my cooking that bad? :')
So, you sigh, feeling a little like a horrible cook, that maybe your food tastes are just so abhorrent to him.
"Do you at least want to watch TV with me?" You question, ending up sitting on the couch with him perched on the back of it, watching some sort of thriller movie you've never seen before after offering to let him pick the channel in hopes of soothing your concern of him already potentially hating your cooking and maybe not liking it here.
You get a ping sometime later, after nearly getting into a fight with your little guy already.
He's not fond of the commercial breaks, it seems, and you nearly get whapped with the remote and his blades as you try to take it from him when he starts pressing buttons.
"Hey, hey, it's not my fault they're un-skipable!" You exclaim, ducking to avoid being shanked or bonked. "Look, I'll invest in an adblocker for you on the internet after I eat, okay?"
He huffs at you, settling with his back to you and arms crossed until the movie comes back on and he turns his attention to it with a cute little pout.
Just A Human: Yeah. He doesn't need food.
?!?! What the fuck does that mean!? Who doesn't need food!?
You: Does he use photosynthesis or something?? You did say he was a Plant, right??
Just A Human: Honestly, I'm not sure... That's just what I was told.
Well, isn't that just peachy?
-
You find it... Kinda crazy that he doesn't consume anything, but no matter what you offer him, he never tries a bite of anything, not fruit, not veggies, not meat, not even sweets or bread or anyone else's cooking, or anything pre-made.
He won't even drink anything, not water, not juice, not coffee, he just turns his head away and doesn't touch anything you offer. And... Weirdly enough, he seems fine?? In the passing weeks, he doesn't die, he doesn't seem sickly, he seems... Fine. It's...
Weird, honestly. And as much as he watches you cook and sometimes even contributes, he doesn't want any of it.
He'll inspect it as if curious, but anytime you ask, "Whatcha doin' there, squirt? Want a bite?" and offer your spoon, even eating cereal, he'll just turn away. You give a small chuckle. "Still a, "no", huh?"
You honestly don't have much trouble out of him. He's pretty helpful when he wants to be, but he looks at you all judgmental like a cat any time he catches you doing something stupid or embarrassing, like nearly tripping over your table leg.
Or... Or looking for that one object you just had in your hand seconds ago and then misplaced. He'll give you an unimpressed look and hold up the object you're looking for in his blade tendrils, causing you to give a nervous laugh.
"Thank you," You say, taking the object sheepishly.
His favorite thing is to sit in front of your computer and watch scary movies or shows about crime and catching criminals, and while you got an adblocker for him so his shows and movies wouldn't be interrupted, he doesn't like when it freezes.
"Please don't stab my computer screen!" You shout, lunging to cover it with your hands as his blades make themselves known.
He also... Where he doesn't sleep, you have to fight with him a bit to give your computer a break. So,... You think he maybe takes to hunting at night instead? He doesn't present you with a rat, but... He does bring you a dead bugs.
While you're putting on your shoes for work, he places something down at your feet, looking up at you with... A frustrated look? He looks kinda grumpy with you.
'Ew.' Is your internal thought when you see the dead bug, but... You smile at him, thankful he took it out before it got on you or anything.
"Wow, a dead centipede! How handsome of you!" You say instead, reaching out to pet his little head.
He doesn't look too pleased that you've ruffled his hair, but he doesn't swipe at you with his tendrils either. In fact, you smile wider because you think he's just a little flustered and that maybe he actually likes the praise and attention.
He turns on his heel and walks away afterward, unfortunately leaving you to clean up the dead centipede's corpse. You make a face and scrape it up with a fly swat to throw in the trash. Yuck.
At least it won't get the chance to end up on your bed during the colder months like that one you settled in at night and felt it's icky armored body brush against your foot as it curled up. Ugh.
You had the heebie-jeebies for weeks after that experience, looking over every inch of your bed, checking your sheets and blankets and under your pillows before you laid down at night. You had even taken to looking over your couch.
When you get done, he's seated on the back of your couch, pouting at you.
"You coming to work with me?"
You'd bought some cute little chibi carrier items, but Knives absolutely hates them and refuses to even touch them, much less get in the section designed for him.
He prefers to ride on your shoulder instead, though he gets frustrated if your hair gets in his way. You were at first highly concerned about him falling off, but he holds himself steady with his tendrils.
You either get a free choker or he wraps his tendrils beneath your armpit or both, balancing there as you go about your day.
At first it was a little frightening and you felt like he might choke you to death or cut off your blood flow or just cut you in general, but he's really good at manipulating his tendrils to where his blades don't stab or cut you.
He only squeezes when you get on his nerves or startle him, and it's never enough to cause you concern. He's so well behaved at your work unless he gets bored. Unfortunately, he has uh,... Taken to killing the pests at your workplace.
Now that wasn't a very fun conversation to have with your boss where customers seeing dead rodent or bug corpses were concerned, but telling Knives to maybe put the dead stuff out of the public eye made it a lot better and your boss has given him the title of pest control.
The only downside is it seems like Knives has to show you what all he's killed today, which leads to some not so pretty sights that kinda make you ill.
Still, despite your disgust, you try to not let it show that much and instead give him praise and headpats and a smile that tells him you're proud of him. You're thankful he also takes to killing the stink bugs and cockroaches at your house.
You'd give him treats of his choosing if he liked them, but instead you'll have to take to looking at other things to get him. You wonder what he'd like? More blankets for his little bed?
You consider it and decide to ask him, but you kind of roll your eyes and think, "Of course," when what he points at while you're walking through the store with him ends up being DVDs. Why didn't you think of that?! He loves his TV time!
And it helps to give your computer a break when he boots up the DVD player instead. He still really does not like the un-skipable commercials at the start, but hey, you're working with him on those little anger issues of his.
The only problem is that you can't really watch them with him because he zooms right through them, unwilling to wait for you to be awake and able to watch before he binges the entire thing and then gets frustrated with you when it's not finished or has been cancelled and never picked back up.
"I can't help it! What do you want me to do about it?" You end up exclaiming when he gets frustrated after watching something that's only got one season and a spin-off special, and season two was supposed to have been made in the summer of 2018 and still has not happened.
And while clearly not happy about it, you're rather relieved that he just decides to pick up something else instead. You've gotta say, though, that the one thing you hadn't expected was for him to like Westerns.
He seemed like such a horror enjoyer, but yeah, you gotta admit there's a great deal of flops that are just kinda,... "You mean I wasted two hours on this??" Some of those monster movies are just...
Not worth anyone's time and you sit there and wonder why such a nonsense film was even made. It's either boring, stupid, or very poorly made in more than just monster design but the very script itself. That or the actors just suck, you're not sure.
But sometimes it's certainly both, and very obvious the movie is such a rip-off of something else, a quick, 'Hey, this is popular, why don't we try and use that to our advantage!?' So stupid...
But, maybe you should have foreseen him liking westerns since he likes those crime shows and stuff too. It is kind of the same concept, just on horseback in the good ol' wild west. It's really cute to see him all bundled up watching the big screen.
He hates it when you interrupt him during his shows though, usually whapping you with the blunt side of his tendrils and shooing you away when you come to love on him.
You try to have movie nights with him, but he always gets so huffy that you end up sometimes pausing so much for a snack, drink, or pee break.
"Aww, don't look at me like that." You say, trying so hard not to squeal at how cute he can be when he's angry with you.
You like cuddling him while you watch stuff, and he doesn't seem to mind so long as he can see and hear and you don't shuffle him around too much.
"For a little guy that doesn't sleep, you are the most impatient thing I've ever met." You tell him as he looks up at you with that adorably near neutral but also kind of, 'I'm so fed up with you right now,' frown and near half-lidded look. "Maybe you should try a nap sometime. Maybe then you won't be so huffy."
You giggle softly to yourself as his eyes narrow as if to tell you he's extra done with you right now.
And when he turns on his heel and begins to stalk away, you reach out, actually laughing as you say, "Wait, wait, no! I didn't mean it! Come back! My little cuddle buddy, noooo!!"
You love him, though, and you wouldn't trade him for the world. You give him a little peck on the head while the long movie intro credits play, the camera panning right across scenery as the names of actors and directors pop up on screen.
"You're my sweet little baby angel, you know that? Even if you are a little mean sometimes."
You smile and chuckle when a little blade tendril appears to wave up and down to the side of him, as if telling you to shush, that the movie is starting.
So, you shift slightly, settling with him against your chest as it officially starts, but you smile wider when that tendril wraps around your wrist to hold, letting you know he heard what you said, and making you think he appreciates it more than he lets show, even if he does give you a little squeeze in retribution for you calling him mean.
Yep. He's your cute little pouty grumpy gus, and you're glad you adopted him.