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Jack glared at the back of the comm tech’s head as he muttered about what he was doing. Rodriguez and the other kids shifted uncomfortably around him, clearly bored and not engaged with what he was talking about. Which, they would be, Jack thought with clenched teeth, if this bozo would actually explain what he was doing rather than just talking at them.
“Hey,” she cut him off. “Try to at least pretend you care about this.”
He turned in his seat and glared at her. “I didn’t ask to play instructor to a bunch of biotic kids. Why are they even here? This is comms. Not usually what the Alliance has their biotics doing.”
“In case you haven’t noticed, ja – genius,” This asshole made it hard not to swear. “Alliance needs more people doing this crap than on the front lines right now. Besides, they’re kids. They’re supposed to be learning about different stuff. So suck it up and talk about what you’re doing.”
“I’ll try, okay? I’m not exactly instructor material, and I’m at the end of a 12-hour shift.” He turned back around, rubbing a hand over his face. “Okay. Comms are usually not too bad, but right now it’s hell because a lot of the long range comm buoys are down.” He paused. “You guys know what those are?”
He was met with no shortage of rolled eyes and muttered affirmatives.
“Can the attitude,” Jack said, glancing over at the kids. “If he has to, so do you.”
“Anyway,” the tech said. “My job is to listen for any distress calls that might be getting sent. We’re relying on some of our old long-range tech from back before First Contact. Not ideal but at least they’re FTL speeds so we’ve got some chance of reaching out to anyone stranded. Also got our old long-range scanners going that we also stopped using after First Contact, when we synced up with the comm buoys the Council had in place.”
One of the students piped up, “They got stuff that old to work?”
The tech shrugged. “Wasn’t easy. We’ve only been at this for a couple weeks. Our engineers worked hard to get these old heaps up and running after the war ended. It’s a long shot, but we’re hoping with more and more scanners going back online around the planet, we can start listening in all directions and pick up-”
As if on cue, a burst of static emitted from one of the scanners. The tech frowned as he slid over to check on it. “Getting a signal. Probably just interference or chatter from long range comms from the teams on the Citadel. We try and isolate the feeds, but sometimes it happens anyway, especially with the outdated crap we’re working with. Still, gotta check and make sure.”
Jack and the students watched as the tech typed away on a decades old terminal. “Had to relearn how to use this stuff, too. Reason you see a lot of old-timers like me manning the scanners. We remember how to use ‘em. Mostly.” He puffed out a breath as he continued working. “Gotta clean up the signal a bit…” He typed in a few more commands. “Almost got it…”
Jack glanced up at the ceiling, drawing on the last reserves of her patience. “Explain how you’re-”
“-R-2. Any parties, please respond. This is Flight Lieutenant Jeff Moreau of the Systems Alliance, on board the Normandy SR-2. Any parties, please respond.”
By the time the message repeated itself again, the entire room had turned their attention to that comm tech and his terminal. His mouth dropped in shock as he listened to the message. “Holy shit…”
Jack wasted no time. She turned to her students. “Stay here but keep out of the way. Watch and listen to what they’re doing and let them work. I’ll be back soon.” Even as she finished speaking, she was already running for the door.
“Hey!” the tech shouted after her, his surprise wearing off as he noticed she was leaving. “Where are you going?”
“To get Hackett, dumbass!”
A short time later, and countless light-years away, Joker’s voice came over the Normandy’s intercom, “Major, you might want to get up to the bridge! Picking up on something.”
Kaidan looked up from the QEC that he was helping repair. From her crouched spot beside him, Tali nudged him in the side. “I got this.”
He nodded and quickly got up, shifting into a light jog as he bee-lined for the bridge.
The ship was finally beginning to resemble its old self, now that most of the repairs were starting to finish up. The inside had been a chaotic mess from the crash landing, and most of the initial efforts had been focused on getting the hull repaired and critical systems back online. All made exponentially more difficult without EDI’s help.
Even almost three months later, EDI’s loss still significantly impacted the crew, but for now they needed to focus on getting back to Earth, and whatever waited for them there. And maybe, somehow, to who waited for them-
No, don’t do this to yourself, Kaidan thought, banishing the hopeful idea as he had done so many times before. She’s gone.
As he approached the bridge, Kaidan called out, “What’ve you got, Joker?”
“Think someone picked up our message,” Joker said, his eyes glued to his terminal. “Getting something but it’s not coming off a comm buoy.”
“Reapers took out a lot of them,” Kaidan said as he walked up to Joker’s seat. “Whoever this is might be using old long range FTL systems.”
Joker nodded, too wrapped up in his task to comment further. “Come on,” he muttered, fighting with the computer.
An uneasy minute of silence passed before a crackle of static emitted from the terminal, followed by, “-ou copy? This is Alliance HQ stationed in London, Earth. Normandy SR-2, do you copy?”
Harder than what was probably comfortable due to his condition, Joker quickly slammed a button on his terminal before leaning in and replying, “Alliance HQ, this is the Normandy SR-2. We hear you loud and clear.”
Another burst of static, and Kaidan’s heart dropped for a moment in fear they lost the signal.
“- bit of interference, but we’re doing everything we can to clear it up. Normandy, what’s your location?”
Joker huffed a sigh of relief before continuing, “Unknown, HQ. Last logged location was in the Exodus Cluster before… our systems went down. We had to make an emergency landing on an unmarked planet.”
To anyone who didn’t know Joker well, he hardly appeared phased. However, Kaidan knew better, and he knew just how much self-control and training it took to keep his voice straight. No one took EDI’s loss harder than Joker. Kaidan wanted to put a hand on his shoulder in comfort, but he doubted the pilot would appreciate the gesture.
“We’ll get our techs-” Another burst of static crackled over the speakers. “… back your signal. Gonna keep you locked in as long as we can. Admiral Hackett’s on his way over. He’ll want to talk to the C- acting CO.”
Joker glanced over at Kaidan. He gave him a nod. He still hated the thought of having to be acting CO, of having to do Shepard’s job, but his grief had no place here.
“He’ll be on standby,” Joker said, turning back towards the terminal. “Whatever you’re using to talk to us, the ship’s having a hard time keeping a connection. Anything we can do on our end to help with that? Really rather not lose you guys.”
As the comm tech began rattling off a few suggestions, Kaidan heard someone approaching the bridge. He turned and found Liara heading towards them.
“Did we reach someone?” she asked, eyes round with hope.
“Yeah, Alliance HQ back on Earth.”
She stopped in her steps and breathed a sigh of relief. Kaidan felt the same, though he knew they weren’t out of the woods yet.
“Thank the goddess,” she murmured. “What’s going to happen now?”
“We’ll be talking to Hackett, soon. Hopefully.” Kaidan gave her a half-hearted smile. “So long as we don’t lose them. They’re trying to trace our signal and figure out where we are.”
“Do you want me to let everyone know?”
He nodded. “Yeah, and tell them to gather here by the CIC. We all worked hard to get the ship back in order. Everyone should be here for this.”
“I agree with that idea,” she said as she turned to head back to her terminal.
Leaving Joker to work with the comm tech, Kaidan fell into step besides Liara as they headed towards the CIC.
“It’ll be good for morale, too,” she added as they hit the walkway. “It’s something that’s been in short supply lately.”
Kaidan knew and felt this all too well. He’d done his best to keep spirits high for the crew’s sake, but it was hard to do when his nights had been filled with nothing but grief. As much as he wanted to hope, he knew that logically there was next to no chance Shepard had survived that blast. It didn’t help that his heartbreak was hardly a secret amongst the crew, and that they all treaded a thin line in avoiding the subject with him, made even more difficult by him having to fill in as CO in Shepard’s stead.
Liara’s hand on his shoulder pulled him from his thoughts. “We’ll know for certain soon. Will you be all right, whatever we hear?”
“No, but I won’t let it show.” He shrugged. “I don’t have a choice. The crew needs me to stand steady.” Not the most diplomatic response, but it was an honest one.
She simply nodded, giving his shoulder a squeeze before leaving him to get to her terminal.
For the moment, the CIC was quiet. Faintly, Kaidan could hear Joker talking with the comm tech, but otherwise he was met with silence as he walked around the center and towards the platform that overlooked the galaxy map.
He paused by Shepard’s old private terminal. His hand drifted over the keyboard, untouched since Shepard was last on the ship. Some days he had been tempted to boot it back up. While it would have been an invasion of privacy, he wanted to reconnect with something of Shepard’s, to see her words and the last bits of her life: anything of hers that he could cling on to. Just something more than his memories, her room and her little hamster. He found himself again fighting the temptation to do it, and the longer he struggled, the closer he came to giving in.
“Major.”
Kaidan’s head snapped up, eyes wide like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar.
Steve Cortez chuckled a little, gesturing for him to relax. “Sorry. Didn’t realize you were that lost in thought.”
Neither did Kaidan. But as he looked around, he realized he had been, and for a while; the whole crew had gathered in the CIC, and he hadn’t even noticed.
He rubbed a hand over his face. “No, it’s okay. Lot on my mind.”
“I know,” Steve murmured. “We’re all anxious for any news.” He paused, brow furrowing in consideration for a moment. “Alenko, whatever we hear, we’ll all get through it. We’ve got your back.”
Kind words. Ones Kaidan appreciated, and he hoped it showed in his smile. But they did nothing to quell the dread.
“Major, got Alliance brass on the line,” Joker said over the ‘com. “Hackett wants to talk to you.”
“Patch him through, Joker.”
“Aye, aye.”
Kaidan took a bracing breath as he walked past Steve and onto the platform. It didn’t feel right to step onto it; it was supposed to be Shepard’s spot. But they could not stand on ceremony now. So without any (outward) hesitation, Kaidan climbed the platform and leaned onto the railing.
“This is Major Kaidan Alenko speaking.”
He could see everyone gather around the center from the corners of his eyes. Tali stood with Garrus and Dr. Chakwas off to the left, while Liara, James and the engineers took up spots on the right. He knew Traynor would be at her station out of habit. The whole crew was here, ready for their first contact with the rest of the galaxy since the Crucible fired.
His response was static for a moment before Hackett’s gruff voice broke through, “Major. Good to hear from you. Had us almost worried for a moment there.”
Despite his fear over what would come next, Kaidan couldn’t help but smile as the rest of the crew grinned in relief. He caught a few of them exchanging hugs and pats on the back. “You’re, uh, a sound for sore ears over here, Admiral.”
“I can imagine. Our comm techs and officers are still trying to trace your location. What’s the status of the ship and crew?”
Kaidan gave him the basic rundown of the damage the ship sustained in the crash and what had been repaired so far. While the damages to the Normandy could have been far worse, they were serious enough to strand them on an unknown world for over two months.
“As for the crew…” Kaidan glanced up at the bridge, where Joker had turned his seat around to watch. “All organic crew are accounted for and alive.”
A sigh came over the channel. Hackett knew what Kaidan was implying. “That’s what we figured. The blast took out the geth and all other synthetics.”
Tali bowed her head in grief. Garrus reached out and took her hand in his, giving it a comforting squeeze.
“The quarians are doing everything they can to bring them back. Luckily, Rannoch hasn’t seen the level of destruction the other home worlds have, so they can devote the resources to it. Progress has been slow, but Admiral Shala’Raan assured me they’d share whatever they found that could help. It might not be for some time yet, but EDI might not be completely beyond our help.”
“That’s something, at least. Thank you, Admiral.”
He looked up at Joker. The pilot had turned away, staring hard out the bridge windows. Whatever his reaction was, he was keeping it to himself.
Kaidan glanced back at the CIC, debating what to ask Hackett next. Instinctively he wanted to ask about Shepard, but he refrained. Not yet. “How are things out there?”
“The good news is that the Reapers are definitively dead. The Crucible worked. But… I won’t lie. We got a long road ahead of us. The death toll is staggering, and it feels like there’s more rubble than anything still standing. The mass relays got blown apart after the blast, so travel and communication have been hard. The fact that we’re even talking now is sheer dumb luck. But we’re alive and the Reapers are dead. It’s a good start.”
Before Kaidan could reply, Hackett added, “One moment, Major.”
The channel went quiet, and Kaidan frowned. “Huh.”
Over the intercom, Joker supplied, “We’re not getting interference and the channel is still open, so I don’t know what that’s about.”
“Could be issues on their end,” Engineer Adams suggested.
A few minutes of tense anticipation passed as Kaidan and the crew waited to hear from Hackett. Murmured chatter picked up around him, but he didn’t join in. His nerves seemed to fray more by the minute. Eventually he was going to have to gather his courage and ask about Shepard, even though he suspected the answer. He still had to know for sure. They all had to know, and every minute that passed made the wait all the more agonizing.
“Major, can you hear me?”
The conversations died down immediately.
“Loud and clear, sir.”
“I apologize for that. I had them transfer your feed over to my omni-tool. Audio might not be as good, but the connection seems to be holding fine.”
Now Kaidan was just flat out confused. Why risk losing the connection and bring it over onto his ‘tool? “Were they able to trace our signal?” he asked, focusing on the more pressing issue.
“Yes. You’re in a still unnamed system in the Exodus Cluster. Unfortunately the tech is too old so we couldn’t narrow it down any further, but it should still be enough for a ship to find you with a bit of searching. Get a distress beacon going if you don’t already. I just gave the order to send a ship out your way with supplies and help.”
“Appreciate it, sir,” Kaidan said to a back drop of claps. “Seeing some new faces will probably help, too. We’re all a bit sick of each other.”
That got a chuckle from the other end of the line. “Noted.”
Kaidan quietly inhaled through his nose, summoning his courage. Time to ask the hard questions. “How did the Citadel fare in the blast? Were there… any survivors?”
Briefly there was a bit of muted conversation and other noise over the line. It almost sounded like Hackett was moving through a crowd, or at least someplace with a lot of noise.
From the corner of his eye, he caught Liara looking over at him. Watching and observing, no doubt. Waiting for the news to hit.
“The Citadel is a wreck. Two of the arms got torn away from the rest of the station. The whole place is in shambles. As for survivors… we haven’t made contact with anyone who may have made it off the station before the Reapers seized control. So, on that end, it’s hard to say for sure, but if anyone did make it off… their numbers wouldn’t be high.”
Kaidan’s heart clenched. “That bad?”
“That bad. I’ll spare you the worst of it, save that getting an exact body count is going to be impossible.”
There were more than a few grimaces amongst the crew, and Kaidan was no exception. “The Council?”
“Councilor Sparatus’s body has been found. The other two are presumed dead.”
“Damn it,” Garrus muttered, running a hand over his face. This time it was Tali who gave him a reassuring squeeze.
“Can’t say I’m too surprised,” Kaidan said. It didn’t make it any less awful, though.
“None of us were, either. The remaining leaders of each race are working together right now to run the galaxy, as much as it can be run right now. We’re communicating over the few quantum entanglement centers still operating. Needless to say, the Citadel is going to be in Earth’s orbit for a long time.” Hackett paused, and a faint murmur of “Excuse me” was barely audible over the channel.
Kaidan found himself wondering again where in the hell Hackett was, and why he was talking to them on his omni-tool when he could be doing it from the comm station on Earth.
“…there were two other bodies of note that we found on the Citadel. One was Admiral Anderson.”
Now that had been one Kaidan hadn’t expected, at least not on the Citadel. He clenched his jaw, fighting back the stab of grief that hit him. Most of the crew around him didn’t know Anderson personally, but everyone knew of him, and knew the impact of his loss. But a few felt the same level of grief as Kaidan, and he could see it in their eyes as he looked around.
Vega shook his head. “The Reapers took one of the toughest old guys we had. Damn them.”
“It wasn’t the Reapers, Lieutenant Vega. He managed to follow after Shepard through the beam. He died from a shot to his abdomen. Reports indicate it was the Illusive Man who killed him.”
“Son of a bitch,” Garrus snapped.
“He was there, too?” Kaidan asked in disbelief.
“Yes, and his was the other body of note we found. It wasn’t far from Anderson’s. Single gunshot to the head was his COD. Self-inflicted.”
As baffled as he was by the Illusive Man’s presence on the Citadel and the manner of his death, something else caught Kaidan’s attention. When Hackett had mentioned the two bodies of note being found, he very much expected Shepard’s to be one of them. Of course, it might have just meant they hadn’t found her yet, but…
The words caught in his throat, unwilling to be uttered. Once he asked, and once Hackett told him the truth, there would be no going back. And the truth terrified him. I have to ask. We have to know.
His hands tightened their grip on the railing. “Sir, about Shep-”
Hackett cut him off, “Another moment, Major. I apologize.”
And the line went quiet again. This time, Kaidan’s annoyance came across clear as day. He leaned back and crossed his arms in irritation, brow furrowed as his gaze all but drilled a hole into the CIC. “Seriously?” he muttered under his breath.
“This isn’t like him,” Chakwas said, speaking for the first time since she arrived. “There’s something he’s not saying.”
From behind Kaidan, a voice quietly chimed in, “I don’t get why he’s talking to us on his omni-tool.”
Kaidan turned and met Traynor’s questioning gaze. He nodded in agreement, glad that someone else also found it odd. “I don’t understand, either. And it sounds like he’s out in public somewhere.”
She huffed out a breath. “I’m surprised he’s even able to, honestly. They’ve must have managed to get more systems back in operation than I expected. Still, I can’t see what would make him risk losing our connection.”
Liara calmly added, “Hackett’s too level-headed for taking any unnecessary chances. If he’s risking this, I trust it’s for a good reason.”
Traynor nodded, and Kaidan knew that Liara was right. He just wished Hackett would tell them what was going on. Surely Hackett knew the crew was on pins and needles, waiting for news about Shepard. So why drag it out?
Kaidan rubbed at his four day old beard, eyes closed as he once again waited for Hackett to come back. The radio silence lasted longer than before, and he seriously began to worry they had lost the signal.
From the bridge, Joker groaned loudly. “Where the hell is-”
Static once again preceded Hackett’s voice, “Major, are you still there?”
Everyone stood at attention, bodies tense from the built up anticipation. Kaidan struggled not to glower at the CIC as he said, “I’m here, sir.” Now would you kindly tell me what you’re doing?
Like he could read Kaidan’s mind, Hackett said, “Sorry that took so long. There’s someone you need to speak with, but I had to bring you to them.”
There were plenty of quizzical expressions around the CIC to match Kaidan’s own. “It’s… no problem, sir. Whom am I speaking with?”
Hackett said nothing. A pause followed, and Kaidan’s gut clenched in a mix of anticipation and annoyance. Damn it, just what is-
A cough came over the channel, one Kaidan thought sounded familiar. The voice that followed, however, he knew for sure… and thought he’d never hear again.
“…so let me get this straight,” Shepard said, her voice a little strained. “I get blown up and you guys go on shore leave in a nice little uncharted planet in the Exodus Cluster. Thanks a lot, I’ll remember this.”
A stunned silence fell over the whole ship as three dozen crew members stood dumbfounded in their spots, unsure if they heard right.
Kaidan stared, eyes unblinking and unbelieving. How? It shouldn’t have been possible. But there was no mistaking that voice.
Quiet and almost afraid, he murmured, “Shepard?”
“Hey, Kaidan.”
Her words snapped the crew out of their shock. The whole room erupted in cheers and howls of joy; even Joker crowed from his seat on the bridge. Traynor squealed, quickly slapping a hand over her mouth. Cortez chuckled at her but slung a friendly arm over her shoulders, too happy himself to have the heart to tease her over it. Garrus and Tali hugged each other tightly, sharing in their relief. Liara turned away to try and hide the tears that she was wiping away. Over the ruckus, James’s voice could clearly be heard as he shouted, “Lola!” at the top of his lungs.
Kaidan found himself at a loss for words. He leaned against the railing, the emotions hitting him hard and leaving him reeling. He had been bracing himself this whole time for news of her death; faced with the opposite, he didn’t know what to do. He started chuckling to himself in an effort not to cry (something he suspected most of the crew was also doing, judging by all the raucous laughter).
Finally, he found the words, as simple as they were. “I can’t believe it.”
A huff of laughter, and then, “Told you I’d be waiting for you, didn’t I?”
“Yeah, you did,” he said, realizing that Hackett was listening to all this and finding that he didn’t give a damn. Let Hackett hear it. Shepard was alive; nothing else mattered. “Serves me right to doubt you.”
“To be fair,” she said, “it was a close call. I didn’t exactly walk away from that blast.”
Garrus indicated to Kaidan he wanted to speak. He nodded and let the turian take over for a moment; as much as he wanted to keep talking to Shepard, he knew he couldn’t hog her to himself.
“Shepard,” her friend said, letting go of Tali as he regarded the CIC, “I get you have this… insane need to keep besting each previous death defying stunt, but you might want to quit now while you’re ahead. Besides, the number of grey hairs on Kaidan’s head has doubled since the Crucible fired. That can’t be good for him.”
He very readily ignored the glare Kaidan shot at him.
Shepard, on the other hand, laughed. And then proceeded to cough from the effort. “Hate to admit it, but you’re probably right. This is as good as it’s going to get.”
Garrus shook his head. “On a serious note, though, I’m with Kaidan on this. I can’t believe I’m talking to you.”
“Neither can I,” Tali said, sniffing back tears. “Damn it, Shepard, you really scared us this time. How did you survive?”
“Luck and Grunt. Spent almost two days in the wreckage until he somehow found me in a warehouse. Woke up a few weeks ago in the ICU and been wondering where the hell you guys have been ever since.” She paused, and Kaidan could picture the little frown she was probably wearing. “Had me worried.”
What came out of Liara’s mouth was the closest Kaidan ever heard to her spluttering. “You were worried?” the asari shot back.
“You guys disappeared.”
“You were blown up!” Liara and Tali shouted at the same time.
“After being already gravely injured we should add,” Chakwas cut in before an argument borne of worry could brew. “And speaking of, Commander…”
“I’ve been better, doctor. Lost half a leg, have third degree burns and my insides came close to becoming mush. My implants got blown to hell, too. Luckily the important ones got replaced.”
The injury list horrified Kaidan, and he bit down on the side of his cheek to retain his composure. His heart ached for Shepard, and he desperately wished, more than anything, that he was there. “Shepard…”
“Don’t worry, Miranda’s here.”
Garrus chuckled, his mandibles twitching in thought. “Thought as much. If anyone can keep you from falling apart, it’s her.”
Kaidan owed her. He owed Grunt, too. They’d saved the person whose life he valued more than his own. How he was going to repay them, he had no clue, but that was for later.
“Please tell them I said thank you.”
“You can tell them yourself when you get here.” Shepard’s voice held a stern edge to it, as tired as it sounded. Tired, but also happy. “And it better be soon. Grunt’s not exactly-” She exhaled, her breath ragged and strained. “Not exactly patient. I…”
Hackett’s voice came back through. “We need to wrap this up. The omni-tool won’t maintain the connection forever, and Shepard’s fading fast. There’ll be time for catching up when you get back.”
As much as Kaidan wanted to stay on the line and keep talking to her, he had to concede. She sounded exhausted. She had since the beginning, but it was becoming more and more apparent. “I understand, sir.”
He smiled when he heard Shepard sigh in annoyance. For better or worse, though, she refused to argue. Instead, she said, “I want all of you back here safe and in one piece. Get yourselves and the Normandy home. That’s an order.”
In near perfect unison, the whole crew saluted and shouted, “Aye, aye, ma’am!”
It never felt so good to say that. Kaidan felt ready to burst with the feeling of being able to say those words. “Take care of yourself, Commander. We’ll see you soon.”
Chakwas leaned forward and quickly put in, “And don’t argue with Miranda! Or the doctors. Rest, Shepard.”
A most indignant huff was her answer, followed by, “You’re all a bunch of fussers.” Said in the most resignedly endearing tone of voice.
Hackett came back on for a moment, giving one last assurance that the ship sent to find them would be there in a week or so and that they would be in contact again soon. Kaidan nodded but barely registered his words. He was already backing off the platform by the time Hackett uttered his signature sign-off, his mind pulling in too many directions.
Focus.
“Hey, Alenko.” Vega gestured to the crew as he addressed the major. “Know we got a lot of work and all, but, uh, permission to cut loose for tonight? We got a lot of reasons to celebrate.”
His suggestion garnered an enthusiastic agreement from the room. Kaidan snorted; as CO, it was about picking your battles. He knew the crew would have a hard time concentrating, being so excited and relieved about Shepard’s survival. Hell, he was going to be next to useless. Hardly fair to expect the crew to carry on as normal when he knew he wouldn’t be able to.
He glanced around, finding eager faces waiting for his answer. “All right. The critical systems still need to be checked once an hour, but otherwise everyone’s off for tonight. But we’re back at it first thing in the morning.”
Hoots and hollers rang off the walls as the crew began to scatter, breaking off into groups. The liquor would be cracked out tonight, and Kaidan expected hangovers aplenty in the morning.
As for him, he had something else in mind. He began walking, his destination the elevator.
Apparently having noticed the major trying to sneak away, Liara called out, “Kaidan?”
He paused and looked over his shoulder. “What’s up?”
“Will you not be joining everyone?”
“Eventually,” he said, telling the truth. He just couldn’t dive into the celebrations. Not yet. “I just… need a bit of time. That didn’t go as I expected.” And as soon as he said it, he realized he was making it sound like a bad thing. “Not that I’m complaining. I’m not. I couldn’t be… I just…”
Liara smiled gently. “I find myself feeling a little overwhelmed, too. Of course I hoped she made it, but…”
“Yeah.” Kaidan left it at that; clearly Liara understood where he was coming from. And now that he knew Shepard lived, he no longer wanted to ever consider again how things would have gone if she had died. “Just gonna go up to her cabin and let it… sink in. Someone should tell Captain, anyway,” he said jokingly, referring to Shepard’s hamster.
“Of course. Give yourself some time, and come down when you’re ready. I’ll let the others know.”
“Thank you, Liara.”
The asari had been a pillar of support for him since the ship crashed, and one day he hoped he could pay her back for all her help. But for now, he simply turned and resumed his path to the elevator.
Around him, the crew mingled and swerved around him. He caught the smiles sent his way; they practically screamed “Hey, she’s alive! Cheer up!”
And he would, soon. He pressed the button for the cabin, and was relieved to find he barely had to wait for the elevator. He got in quickly and waited for the door to shut. As soon as it did and he felt that familiar lurch, he let himself crumple to the floor, his body sagging with relief and raw emotion.
Kaidan very rarely cried, but now was an exception. The shock had worn off, and finally he could believe that Shepard was alive. Despite the odds, she survived. He’d never been more grateful. If there was some higher power at work, he’d have gladly become a devout follower in repayment for their mercy.
The elevator stopped at the captain’s cabin, and he stumbled out of it and into the room. Grief, sadness and worry poured out of him, but only because he needed to purge them from his system. He needed to let them consume him for a short while, to burn away those pent up emotions and make room for the relief and joy he felt over knowing that he would get to go home, and Shepard would be waiting for him. Something that, not even a day ago, he wouldn’t have dared to let himself dream of.
A squeak greeted him. He looked up, eyes red-rimmed, and smiled shakily at the little hamster in his cage, poking his head out of his house.
“Hey, little guy. Got some good news for you.”