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A heavy sigh escapes out from parted lips as he tilts his head back. Leaning against the headrest of his computer chair, eyes looking up at the ceiling above and then closing softly.
Tired .
Tired and mentally drained is all Dream can feel right now. He moves his hands up to his face to rub harshly at his pale skin.
It's been hours. Hours of sitting in one spot for a prolonged amount of time to the point he can feel the ache in his lower back and the joints of his fingers locking ever so often. That was an immediate tell tale sign that he needs to stop what he's doing and take a break.
Moving his hands away from his face, opening his eyes, he moves his head back to the previous position, facing the desktop monitor. He adjusted himself in his chair, sitting up straight, his eyes glance at the right hand corner of his monitor.
It was a little after nine am on a Tuesday morning, well into the start of a new day. He's been staring at the monitor for so long that he can see swirls of rainbow colors cascading across his vision and yep , that was his que to take a break.
Dream scoots back in his chair, getting up, feeling his body ache and pop in different areas. Holding on for balance from his desk, he straightens up, raising his arms into the air and stretching his limbs, hearing more pop and cracks to slice through the quiet atmosphere.
Feeling satisfied with the most needed stretch, he makes his way to the bathroom to freshen himself up. Upon entering the bathroom, turning the light on, Dream winces on impact. The bright white glow from the lightbulb above, burns his eyes making them water. He moves his hand up to his face, to wipe away at his watery eyes.
After using the toilet, and feeling a bit of relief, washing his hands; He takes a moment to look at himself in the mirror.
He was indeed tired.
His eyes look sunken in, red blood streaks in his eyes from ongoing strain. His skin looked pale from not seeing the sun in about a month. He thinks it's been a month, probably longer, who knows. He can't even recall the last time he went out but here he was, staring at his reflection.
Heavy dark bags, almost purple under the blinding white glow lingers under his eyes. His hair is tousled from the excessive amount of times he comb his fingers through his hair out of frustration.The stubble across his jaw line and upper lip is starting to become more prominent compared to his usual clean face attire. He moves his hands up to his face once again to feel the scratchy textures of his beard.
Overall, he knows that he's not looking the greatest right now. Changing his thoughts over, he starts thinking about the main source to his physical change of appearance and that was his project, which was coming along - somewhat.
The issue mainly stems from malfunctions and code. Stumbling upon a problem of a broken code causing him to look through thousands of lines trying to pinpoint that exact reason for the infinite loop. Or malfunctions from the gadget he was working on that he brought upstairs from the basketball court.
The project, his fusion project, is something he holds dear to his heart and something he's been working on for a full year now. He knows this project is going to be a game changer as a whole but goodness did he need a break. Whether it was working on this project, attending meetings, editing new videos for his channel, etc he was exhausted.
No matter how much his brain screams for him to take a break, he just couldn't right now. Zoning out a bit and coming back to reality to stare at himself in the reflection. He feels this uneasiness settle on him. A sweep of nauseousness with each passing moment his eyes blink, looking at the person in the mirror to then blink again and see something that he couldn't make out as a human being.
Turning his gaze away, he turns the water faucet on, cups both of his hands under the lukewarm water and slightly bends over. Hovering the sink, he splashes his face with the water to start waking himself up.
After two more splashes, he straightens back up, hands gripping the edge of the countertop as he stares at the mirror. The front of his hair was wet from the splash. The water droplet hangs from a loose strand of his blonde hair that definitely needed a trim; he watches attentively as it drops off and lands into the sink. He decides to move, turning his gaze from the mirror to the towel rack, picking up the towel to dry his face.
The rest of the day seems to go by in a blur. More like the entire week.
Editing, coding, more editing, more coding, eat, sleep, meetings, small break, editing, coding.
A never ending cycle. Everything blur together leaving him to feel out of control with his life.
-
A groan escapes from parted lips as Dream moves his hand up to his forehead, rubbing at his temple with frustration. He finally got the code to work after hours of being broken just for it to break again.
He glances at the monitor in front of him, reading the time that says seven-thirty pm. It was evening now.
He's been so cooped up in his room that he's losing sense of time. Losing sense of himself. He could've sworn it was just nine am in the morning.
Sighing out, he scoots forward in his chair, going back to fixing the line of code but halts in his movement once his phone rings.
Looking over to glance at his phone, he sees the caller ID written as “Mom”. He picks up the call, clearing his throat before speaking into the mic with a hello greeting.
It was a small interaction. Mainly his mom checking to see how he's doing because she hasn't heard from him in a week. A bit concerned because it was only Tuesday and he could've sworn he talked to his mom just last night.
Asking in curiosity on what today was, he straightens up in his chair. With one hand on the phone and the other on his wireless mouse, he moves to hover the date on the right hand corner of the monitor and softly gasps. He felt a sudden feeling of dread and doom settle in the pit of his stomach, nauseous to seep up when his mom told him it was Sunday and seeing that the date matched with the small white box in the corner of the screen.
It didn't feel real. Not recognizing time flying past him like this. He sits there, trying to recall the events that happened during that week but everything was just darkness in his mind. Blank spots to fill the gaps and usually he knows what the date is. He may think it was a day before or the day after but never not knowing that a whole week flew by so quickly without his knowledge.
He decided to continue to talk to his mom a little bit more, the words becoming mumbles, going through one ear and out the next. He hands tremblings above the wireless mouse. He was slowly losing his mind as the seconds ticked on.
-
Dream couldn't do this anymore. He can feel it, the heavy feeling weighing down on his chest with each passing day. Nothing felt right. It felt like everything was a illusioned. Him trying to piece together the proper time frame and dimension he's in because he honestly doesn't know what's going on.
Next minute he's staring at the dark mode theme of his video editing software that he had opened for hours and next he's visiting his mom for the day since he promised he would the last time he talked to her. Next it changed to him talking to George and Sapnap on what's the next idea for their YouTube channel and future content. White board in front of him with words so jumbled up that his mind couldn't decipher what it was but he knows it's his writing.
Then next it was like a whiplash. He's transported to a dark tunnel, standing idly in place. Strangely enough, it almost feels familiar. He's been here before. This lonely, eerie tunnel that has a singular light flickering at the end.
He starts walking through the tunnel, a one way narrow path in front of him, feeling this sense of dread course through his body. With each step he makes, he can't shake this feeling as if someone is breathing down his neck. That feeling of someone watching him but he doesn't dare to turn around. It's too dark and he knows he wouldn't be able to make out what's hidden in the cloak of darkness but he knows it's something creepy, monster like.
He continues to walk, staring straight ahead and it feels like he's been walking for hours. Walking and not getting any closer to the flickering light. His body feels tired, the weight of a heavy school bag filled with tons of bricks on his back. Something is weighing him down, stopping him from getting closer to the flickering light. But he continues to muster all his strength into walking nevertheless.
For some reason time warps, he's fast forward minutes ahead. The flickering light is getting closer which is strange; it felt so far away just seconds ago. But he doesn't dare to stop, just continues to walk through this eerie tunnel, the air around him feeling humid. He's confused and exhausted and his body pleaded for him to stop, a plea for him to rest.
The light in front of him that shines within the darkness becomes brighter the closer he gets only for something to latch onto his leg, causing him to crash hard onto the ground below.
With a grunt to escape from heavy impact, he can feel his body scrape harshly against the ground. He's being dragged away from the light and being led back into the darkness and he screams.
Trying to stop whatever force that's dragging him; Digging his hands into the ground, nails scraping to the point he can feel skin tear and wetness seep from his fingers. Screaming out for anyone to help only to be submerged in darkness and now he wakes up, back in his chair gasping for air.
Heavy pants and dry coughs fill the quiet office space. His trembling hand placed over his beating heart, feeling it pump with fury. Heavy against his rib cage, he lets out a shaky breath of air. Taking a deep breath in and a deep breath out, he finally controls himself to a steady rhythm.
These nightmares, these hellish nightmares that he's been having were confusing. They felt real, like he was inside that tunnel just moments ago, walking to the flickering light before something snatched him away into the darkness. The strong grip on his leg felt real, the nails digging into his flesh sting. He leans forward, reaching to grab his phone, turning on the flashlight mode to make sure he didn't have any mark on his leg.
Shining the light on his leg, upon observation, everything was good. No bruise or mark against his skin, feeling relief he sinks back into the chair, leaning his head back to stare up at the ceiling. He couldn't tell if it was reality or not but he knows that something is going wrong with him. He's spiraling quicker than he has in a long time.
-
He looks horrible.
Horrible in a way that he can feel how dirty and disgusting his clothes feel on his body. It's been a week and a half since he hasn't taken a shower and now that he's sitting in the chair, feeling the dampness from sweat under his armpits, and the sweat pooling around his neck, he knew it was time to get up and shower.
Saving his work on his desktop. He leaves it on and makes his exit from the office. Closing the door softly behind him, he noticed the huge contrast of light. Almost blinding too . From him being in the dark within his office with the only light source being the blue glare from his desktop monitor to him being in the light causes him to shut his eyes for a moment.
Getting his bearings straight, he opens his eyes, adjusting them to the new form of light. The white glow for the hallway ceiling light and the ray of sunlight seeping through the windows from the kitchen space. He begins walking and once he approaches the living space he halts in his steps, looking at the scene in front of him; sadness hits his demeanor.
Sitting right there in their eating corner were Patches, Naomi and Milo eating from their respectable bowl. He can see Sapnap sitting on the couch, scrolling through his phone, looking at whatever content on display. He other hand drumming lightly against the couch pillows as he hums along to a song that blares through the ear buds.
He's been so cooped up in his room that he barely had time to play with the kitties, let alone feed them like he usually does.
Feeling a bit emotional, he carefully walks over, not wanting to scare them, and crouches down. He sees Patches look up at him and meows, rubbing her face against his leg, showing signs that she misses her father. He moves his hand to rub softly at her head.
He looks over to see Naomi eating her food and hears Milo little growls as he devours the meal in his bowl. Moving around to give them each equal amount of pets and love as well, a soft smile etches up on his face followed by a sudden urge to cry.
He stands back up on shaky legs, and turns around walking back to his room. He can hear Sapnap call out to him but he keeps walking, not wanting his younger friend to see him with tears running down his face.
Once he enters his room, grabbing his essential items, he makes his way to the bathroom where he can now shower, washing off the dirt and grime off his skin. And with being alone, he could let his emotions out and cry in the shower with no one to hear his sobs; hopping the heavy water flows mask his broken voice and aching soul.
-
“Dream, is everything okay?” Sapnap asks with concern, lace in his tone.
Dream blinks, coming back to reality. He looks up, staring at his two best friends who look at him with equal amounts of concerns. He bites his bottom lip, chewing on the flesh, trying to come up with an answer to put his friends at ease.
“Yeah I'm good, sorry just- umm- space out a bit”
“You sure? you know you could talk to us right?” George's voice can be heard from the other side of the kitchen table.
Dream knows this, he knows he can talk to his friends about anything but this here, this heavy feeling, is something he always bottled up and handled alone. But one thing he wants to do is reassure his friends first that he's okay even if it's all lies.
“I'm fine, it's just a bit of issues with the project but nothing I can't handle,” he says, looking up at them and continuing to talk, cutting Sapnap off who looks like he is ready to interject with some words of his own. “-I know you guys are helping me out alot and I'm grateful for that but trust me. I'm good” he smiles, an obvious fake smile to get his friends off his back.
The rest of the dinner time was spent with small conversations between the three of them, mainly George and Sapnap with him adding a few words into the mix.
With his stomach full, something he hasn't felt in a while. Not even recalling his last proper meal that wasn't just granola bars. The empty Chinese takeout is in the garbage and kitchen table clear, Dream was off back into his office to work on the last remaining bits of his work. He was feeling a bit hopeful before he decided to take a break and eat dinner since Sapnap ordered everyone chinese food.
He finally found a lead and wanted to go fix those minor issues that gave him trouble. He was feeling confident with the outcome of the project, hitting the last remaining stride; But that doesn't help the wary look that he gets and feels from his two best friends as he walks into his office and closes the door behind him.
-
Nothing was working out.
Not only was the code he's been working on completely broken, leaving him frustrated. But also his audio for the latest video he recorded wasn't synching. He's been up all night, fixing the issues. He ended up Calling George and Sapnap to help him.
Another roadblock that was set in front of him. Pushing the project for another two months.
-
With heavy limbs and a growling stomach, Dream leaves his office to make him something to eat. He didn't know what time it was nor the day, everything was a blank slope to him at this point. After finding some leftovers in the fridge, Dream is standing over the stove warming up some chicken noodle soup his mom has made and having no clue how it ended up in his fridge in the first place.
With a wooden spoon in his right hand, twirling the liquid around. He finds himself drifting in and out of his thoughts.
He ends up back here, somehow in the tunnel that felt way too realistic for him. He knows he can beat this. He did it before, the feeling of joy and victory as he was able to get close to the flickering light and walk past into a blinding open space. It was like his spawn point changed and now it's back to the halfway mark. He's definitely closer than he was last time before he got snatched away.
The eerie feeling around him increases with each step he makes. He continues to look forward, not daring to turn back. Just moving forward as he feels everything being thrown at him. The hot breath fanned across the back of his neck making him shiver. The sound of nails scratching against the rocks of the tunnel.
The path in front of him becomes narrower, closing in. A sinister laugh that he knows is just his mind playing games with him. Dream just continues to walk, focusing his attention slowly on the flickering light.
On the inside he was fighting a battle that the outside couldn't show. He can feel himself turn in real life, the spoon still in his grasp as the image of his reality comes back, right he was in the kitchen , before it shifted back to the flickering light in the tunnel.
He walks and walks and walks. The tunnel made him feel mentally drained, zapping his energy. His limbs were already becoming lethargic but he knew he couldn't give up. The flickering of the light was hope. The hope to escape is close. He starts to pick up speed, despite the protest against his body and what comes next is a heavy blow aimed in the middle of his back knocking the wind out of him; he crashes hard on the ground.
Now he's terrified, not that he wasn't before. But now he feels like can't breathe but he still crawls, crawling with all his might because he's right there. The light is getting closer by the second and he tastes the victory he once felt. He can feel nails gauged at his skin, trying to pull him back and he's crying out because he doesn't want to go. He doesn't want to be in the dark anymore.
It's scary.
He's losing himself, not recognizing who he is anymore. No matter how much he stares at his reflection in the mirror trying to convince himself that it's him he sees; or every time he interacts with his friends, it feels like he's not in his body, as if someone is taking over him, another ‘being’ while all he could do is watch from above.
And all he wants is his body back, to feel like himself again. He doesn't want to feel like he's running on autopilot anymore.
The bright flickering light slowly dims. The darkness consumes his vision for a moment leaving him with no path to see. Despite that, he fights off the best he could, kicking at whatever is holding him back. The light flickers once more, becoming stronger, brighter as it illuminates the room in its white glow and this was his chance, with one last push and kick, he gets up.
Running as fast as he could, the voices screaming for him to come back and that he belongs here. That he's safe here within the darkness. The ugly sneer and the heat radiating off his back making his skin crawl and yet he still pushes forward reaching his hand out for someone to grab him.
To pull him out of this nightmare, crying for someone to hear him, to please hear him this one time and the next thing he feels is warm hands to cradle his face. What came next was another pair of warm hands holding his own hand, a soft voice bringing him back to reality.
“I've got you. I'm here. We're here .” the voice says as warm hands rub against his cheek as he blinks away the dark fog. His vision became clearer and he stared off at the person in front of him. It was George staring back at him, concern written in his demeanor, trying to understand what's happening. He then turns to see Sapnap, who wears the same expression, his shaky hands holding onto Dream's hand, rubbing soothing circles with his thumbs on his knuckles.
He's safe .
He can finally breathe again. Letting out shaky breath as Sapnap and George do breathing exercises with him, he starts to feel his heart rate slowing down and his breathing regaining to a steady rhythm.
He feels George removes his hands from his face. He blinks again, feeling himself come back to his body, noting his surroundings. He stares at the both of them seemingly confused as he glances at the stove looking at the food that luckily wasn't burnt; The fire turned off.
He goes to turn his gaze back to them and once his eyes meet theirs, the soft and reassuring look that graces their features, he immediately falls apart, tears welling up in his eyes and he begins to cry. He can feel their hands all over him in a comforting manner. Hugs and soft whispers, reassuring him that he's okay. That he doesn't have to do this alone.
Dream knows that. He knows that oh so well but he usually handles things by himself. He usually takes on the heavy hitting task, being the leader. He takes on the grueling task as project manager but this is his work he's been doing but he knows George and Sapnap got him.
Feeling his body sagged into the soft mattress below, Dream sighed out into the quiet space. He's in his room now, they took him to his room, George to his right, him in the middle and Sapnap to his left on the king size bed.
He needed this, this warm comfort. The safety net that is built for him and away from monsters. Even when his mind is solely on trying to go back to his office to finish his work, a firm hand pushes him back into the mattress. Sapnap's hand being the one and telling him they saved his work and that he needed to rest. And if he fights against it, he's going to beat him up.
Chuckling softly to himself, Dream starts to feel a bit at ease. The throbbing headache from early dissipating, feeling his body sink further into the plush mattress and silk sheets against his skin. The warmth radiating from his two best friends besides him felt comforting. Closing his tired eyes, he was content.
This has been one hellish nightmare for months on end, night after night but now he can finally breathe. He can finally feel alive again because this time he didn't have to do this alone. This time he didn't have to sit in the dark tunnel listening to what the voices said. He didn't have to fight this battle alone.
Knowing that once he reached his hand out for someone to save him, George and Sapnap without any ounce of hesitation were right there, being his source of light to bring him out of the tunnel.