Chapter Text
I stood behind Will, I felt the breeze of the night caressing my skin. The large figure stood tall in front of us. It moved slow, like a scene in a film. Everyone’s gaze was fixed on the creature. Even with everything going on, the summery night was calm. The creature was not making any sounds in particular. No one was. I looked around the neon lit mall. The shattered glass on the ground, the closed shops and the stopped escalators. I allowed myself to sigh, feel relieved. The whole day had been a chase, with us being the mice.
But then, in a second, the mind flayer turned its head towards us. Towards Will.
The uneasy feeling creeped over me. A sense of Deja-Vu. I couldn’t move, or warn him, or breathe. And in a flash, I heard the sound.
The sound of flesh ripping, the sound of pain. I felt the blood on me, I felt my gaze fall to my hands. ‘Look at him, look at him for gods sake!’ I yelled at myself. But I was so slow, and they were so fast.
The screech of the mind flayer made my ears ring. I finally could look up again. At Will, falling back onto the ground. It took awfully long to see Lucas run past me.
Will was on the ground. He wasn’t moving, only the red blood staining his shirt and the cold floor of the mall moved, dripped, gushed.
My heart was so fast. MOVE YOU IDIOT! MOVE, PLEASE! I yelled at myself, but no voice could be heard. Lucas scrambled to lift Will’s head up onto his lap, to stop the blood. Steve and Robin ran to help him.
They all looked helplessly at each other, not sure what to do. I was supposed to help him, but my muscles wouldn’t react to my screams. Inner screams. My mind was screaming, but in reality I couldn’t even let out a yelp.
And then.
Will turned his head at me. His head was the only thing moving in the whole world. Everyone else had frozen, even the monster. His eyes sent shivers down my body. They were droopy, tired, dead. And they were glued to mine. His breath was shaky, his chest jumped up and down rapidly, like he couldn’t catch up with the air. He opened his mouth, with blood rolling down his chin. His voice broke the screeching silence.
“Mike.”
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I jolted up from my bed, grasping onto my heart. My breath staggered, and I didn’t even notice my mother rushing into my room and sitting down on the side of my bed.
“Michael, breathe. You’re alright, you’re awake”, my mother said softly, holding onto my hand. She adviced me to breathe in, hold my breath, and breath out. Over. And over.
“Honey, this is your sixth night in a row with a nightmare”, she said calmly, as soon as I could breathe normally again. “It’s worrying me”
“I’m… I don’t know. I’m okay”, I said, avoiding eye contact. It felt as if she’d know everything once I let myself meet her eye.
She smiled and pet my hair.
“You know you can tell me anything, right?”
I wanted to disappear into the night, I wanted to be a star in the sky, but the best I could do was to crawl up more and avoid eye contact. I pressed my knees towards my chest.
“..yes”, I muttered out.
“Do you want me to sing to you, like I did when you were tiny?” Mom asked with empathy. I chuckled a little.
“No, I’m alright. You can go back to sleep mom”, I said, turning my head towards her. She put her hands into her lap and stood up. She kissed the top of my dark head of hair.
“Goodnight”, she said.
“Yeah, night”
Her gaze lingered on me before she shut the door and left me all alone in my quiet room. I looked out the window into the pitch black sky. It was the same as it was that night. I looked away.
After a moment of blurred vision and trying to shut down my brain, I stood up. The floor creaked under me as I crouched down onto my knees, bending down to look under my bed.
With my arm, I pulled out a yellow binder. I sat with my back against my bed frame, and opened the binder.
I flipped through the papers, filled with colored drawings of wizards and d&d characters. Of Will the Wise, of the paladin and the cleric. All singed neatly: “Will”
I smiled. It felt weird to do so, all alone in my room with the only light being a night lamp. But it made the feeling of cold sweat on my back disappear for just a moment, and that was what mattered.
But like most moments, it didn’t last very long. I felt the wave of guilt rush out of nowhere, I shut the binder and slid it under the bed.
I was supposed to be asleep now. Not look at childish drawings.
So I listened to my brain, climbed onto my bed and turned off the light.
———————————
In the breakfast table, I squeezed maple syrup onto my pancakes. I looked at the empty seat next to me - Nancy’s seat.
“Where’s Nancy?” I asked, placing the bottle down.
“Oh, she’s at the Byers’ house, helping with packing”
I looked at my hands. My mind began showing a slideshow of the Byers house being packed up, empty. I didn’t want to think about anything like that.
“Son, shouldn’t you go help out with the packing too?” Dad asked, sipping coffee and flipping a page in the newspaper. The slideshow became faster with his words. My chest stung with guilt.
“Or at least pack for the camp. Tomorrow’s the last day before you leave, you need to make sure you have everything”, mom added. Now my mind showed me Will’s eyes, staring deeply at me, and everything was unbearable. Suddenly, I jumped up from my seat, although I didn’t mean to do so. I felt my parent’s eyes glued onto me. I looked down at my hands.
“I will. I will, but first- first I have to go over to… to Dustin’s. Yeah”, I said, my words muddled.
“Without eating your pancakes?” Mom asked.
“You know what? I’m sure they have breakfast for me there. I just- I just gotta go”, I said rushedly, already making my way to the door.
“Alright, remember you have to pack!” My mom yelled out.
“Yeah, yeah!” I yelled as I tried to balance on one foot, putting a shoe on the other. I grabbed my keys and left.
—————————————
I let my bike fall onto the front yard of Dustin’s house and walked up their driveway. I knocked on the door, and I heard cacophony on the inside, Mrs. Henderson’s voice, then Dustin’s. Dustin’s mother opened the door for me.
“Oh! Well hello Mike. Dusty! It’s your friend!” Mrs. Henderson yelled out to Dustin. Dustin popped behind her. He was eating a piece of toast.
“Mike? What are you doing here?” Dustin asked, smiling at me whilst also chewing on his breakfast. I stepped inside, closing the door behind me.
”Surprise visit”, I said. He ate the rest of his breakfast. I snacked on an apple. I followed Dustin to his room. His bed had an open suitcase on it, with clothes in disarray around it.
“Oh- sorry, for the mess. It feels like I just came from my camp and now we’re going to another”, he said, stepping forward and hurriedly throwing clothes into the bag.
“Won’t be meeting any Suzies this time?” I chuckled, he smiled proudly.
“Nope, I have my one and only. Perhaps you’ll meet your Suzie… unless El comes back”, he said. I swallowed. That was another thing I didn’t want to think about.
I sat down on his chair. “Well, I don’t know”, I mumbled.
“Is Eleven’s leaving the reason you’re so down these days?” Dustin suddenly asked. It was so straight up, I caught myself failing to create a response. He stood right in front of me.
“Eh- um-“
“Mike, man, It’s hard to see you so quiet. I mean- ever since the mall..”
I looked up at him, the expression on my face was filled with obliviousness, although not on purpose.
“The party is falling apart, and we’re not even in Highschool yet. We should be sticking together. And Mike, you’re the leader” Dustin kept speaking. I could tell he had been thinking about saying this for a while now, it was like a well-rehearsed line. The thought of him thinking about confronting me about this made me feel embarrassed.
“I don’t know. The camp will be a great opportunity for the party, I guess. What do you want me to do?” I asked.
But I knew what I had to do. Deep down. I had to apologize to Will. Apologize about everything. Go talk with Max, because I have been such a jerk to her and she actually lost someone that night, she lost her William that night. Maybe send a letter to Eleven, but I wasn’t so sure about that. I had also been blowing off Lucas and Dustin, what kind of a friend does that?
But admitting all that to myself didn’t make it any easier, any less dreadful.
“Well, you could talk with Will”, Dustin answered to my question, which I had already buried with my thoughts. My head snapped up.
“How is he?” I blurted out before I could stop myself.
“You finally ask”, Dustin sighed. “He’s doing better, taking it easy. But…”
“But what?” I leaned forward. He glanced quickly down, then back at me.
“I don’t know how to tell you this- but Mike, he needs you”
Me? Why would he need me? He knows it’s my fault. He knows I froze. He knows I stopped showing up to the hospital after the first time he gained consciousness. Why the hell would he need me after everything?
I wanted to think it was a sick joke, but I couldn’t stop the warmth that spread inside me after hearing Dustin’s words.
“Why would he need me?” I asked slowly. Dustin scoffed.
“Well, I don’t know.. maybe because you’re Mike! You’re his best friend!” Dustin said passive aggressively.
“You’re his best friend too, so is Lucas”
He shook his head, arms crossed. “You never fail to amaze me…” Dustin muttered, but I couldn’t ask what he meant with that before I was being dragged by my arm, out of the room and down the hall.
“Dustin. Dustin! Where-“
“We’re going to Will’s house”, he cut me off. I stopped dead in my tracks.
I’m not ready to face him, I immediately thought to myself. Dustin’s got it all mixed up.
“Mike.” Dustin said. It felt like he’d invaded my mind. I didn’t like that. “We’re going.”
The feeling of wanting to disappear had become pretty common to me, but especially now it felt more like a need than a want. I wanted it all to be over. I didn’t want to be here. Not anywhere, really.
I shook my head slowly, my eyes widened.
“Mike, we’re going to camp in a day. You don’t want to talk to Will for the first time there!”
I hadn’t thought of that. I hadn’t thought about the fact that I have to share a cabin with him. I can’t hide from him forever. I sighed deeply.
—————————————
My heart felt heavier and heavier the closer we got to his house. We were biking there, I had reluctantly agreed to go. Honestly, I didn’t know what I would even say to him.
Where would I start? Would he even talk to me? He knows what I’ve done. He hates me, right?
Joyce’s and Jonathan’s cars were parked in front of the house. It had been repainted, fixed up. We left our bikes on the ground.
Dustin walked up to the door, and before he knocked he turned to look at me. I was standing with my hands in the pockets of my shorts. He nodded at me, turned to face the door and finally knocked.
The seconds felt so long. I almost convinced myself that they’re not home, that he’s not home. But then the door opened.
It was him. His beaded eyes landed on mine, almost like Dustin wasn’t even there. For a second his eyes widened, but then he blinked and the emotion was gone.
“Oh.. um, hello”, Will said softly. His hand held the door, and he wasn’t up for eye contact. I felt myself cracking. My eyes disconnected from him and they landed on the floor. I tried finding the words. My brain was blacking out.
Dustin stepped back, pushed me forward lightly. I managed to look up at Will, but my eyes couldn’t just focus on one of his features - my breath hitched.
I turned my back towards him, I looked at Dustin, trying to signal say something to him. He turned me back around.
”…Hi…” I finally managed to say (but it came out as a mumble) “..Does it hurt?” I spoke haltingly. I saw him place his other hand lightly over the wound, he looked to the side, breathing quite heavily.
“Not as much anymore, it’s healing”, he said. I nodded, looking down at his arms. He still had the hospital wristband on. Will pulled his sleeves down.
“That’s coo- that’s great”, I stumbled over my words. “How’s your mom?”
I regretted asking that immediately. I had come here to talk about him, about us, not about Joyce. And I’d heard all about Joyce from my mother, so there was no point in asking. I wanted to turn away, walk off.
“Um, she’s just ready to move.. happy to plan the camp stuff.. yeah”, Will spoke. He sounded so uncertain, he seemed locked away.
And for some reason, my mind jumped to Halloween of last year. I had been there for him. He had told me everything, about the mind flayer, about going crazy… now he wouldn’t say much anything, which I couldn’t blame him for.
The weird feeling was back, making my heart feel heavy.
“Yeah”, I said. I fidgeted with my thumbs.
“Yeah”
I wanted to leave, and after a short while I did. I said my farewells, told him halfheartedly that we’d have fun at camp.
I biked in silence back home, dropping off Dustin on the way.
“It’s good you did that, Mike. See you at the camp”
—————————————
Once I arrived home, I finally felt some kind of hunger. I wasn’t sure if I deserved to eat, not after the half-assed conversation with Will. Still, I made way to the fridge, catching a glimpse of my father watching the tv in the living room.
I opened the fridge, and my eyes landed on the yellow packaging of eggos.
El popped into my brain. I hadn’t even reached out to her ever since she left to live with Dr. Owens.
I wondered if she felt used by me. I had spent the summer being with her, but I didn’t even say goodbye.
Well, to be fair, I probably wouldn’t have been able to say goodbye to anyone that night.
Dustin’s words came back to me. His question,
“Is Eleven’s leaving the reason you’re so down these days?”
He had noticed. Probably everyone had.
I guess I’d tried hard not to seem closed down, but I had no energy in myself to reach out to others. But why was that?
Was it because of El? Was it supposed to be about her?
I supposed others thought it was about El. So it was. It had to be.
I closed the fridge, not taking anything out.
I walked upstairs, began packing.