Work Text:
Eiai Nano was not a being that was 100% logical. She was the closest to it, however, and quite proud of it.
Mind you, she had come to accept thanks to her odd relationship/s that some things, she could not logic her way through entirely..such as the fact they all had easy access to copies of the very manga they lived in. They Were a Manga. She had to repeat Pi many times any time she remembered that.
It was in reading it, however, that she could spot a pattern. Mind you, she actually had mildly observed that pattern on her own life before, but it just got worse on catching up on their misadventures
Hakari and Karane kissed. A lot . And it always seemed to be circumstantial, but after the tenth time circumstances equal kiss, it was getting ludicrous. Particularly given they were not dating .
Had she been any more reserved, she'd have said 10 kisses were automatically dating numbers. Mind you, having the friends she did she knew kissing and sex did not necessarily entail romance...but. She did have a feeling this should in fact entail it.
So, as she always did when running into a mystery, she decided to investigate.
She intended first to get it directly from the source. This was, she could admit in hindsight, one of the most foolish ideas she ever had.
"It was an accident!!", Karane claimed.
"It meant nothing!", Hakari hurled.
And given her source material, she had to ask.
"Which one?"
And the blush the two carried reminded her of the futility of trying to get straight answer out of a couple of bisexuals.
Usually, this would be where she would go ask their boyfriend, Rentarou. After all, he knew every little tic and turn of them. Their habits, conscious or subconscious. His observational abilities regarding his loves were impeccable...except.
"They're just such great friends!", he constantly claimed, on witnessing them kiss, over and over
No, Rentarou was kind, and good, and attentive, but he had the queer sensibilities of a grandma. No, in fact, even Yaku had admitted she had a female lover before her husband, so he was even worse than that, somehow.
(Not to mention how he refused to tell them about the God of Love, despite the fact he didn't have to bother hiding since, again, all of them had copies of their own Manga... 3.14159265359...)
So, at the loss of those, she had to recur to the THIRD closest people to each girl, after Rentarou and then each other.
"I fear, that's my fault, honestly"
Eiai had gone for Hakari's mother, first and foremost. The two were so alike, surely she had some insight. Apparently..she had more than insight. She had a reason.
"I'm very clearly a pansexual titty mommy monster. I know that, you know that, many readers know that! I'm a rich woman, and on some level that means I am out of touch with reality. Hakari...I couldn't tell you if she was bisexual or pansexual, but I can tell you, that girl is not heterosexual at all. But maybe..because I am such a 'pansexual monster', she has to be Not That. I mean, everyone knows she's a horny bitch, but they still let her pretend when she does! To counter my eccentricity, I fear she does her best to get a normal relationship."
Nano looked very stoically at her. Only those closest to her (Shizuka, Mimimi, Meme, and Rentarou) would know this was her deadpan face, rather than her happy, or angry, or curious, or shocked face.
"She's sharing her boyfriend with 30 other girls. And 69-"
"Nice"
"Delightful, yes, 69 other women to come. This is 'The 100 Girlfriends Who Really Really Really Really Really Love You', after all"
Hahari sighed, boobs jiggling. Nano was also not heterosexual, even if her poker face was impeccable, so she looked on respectfully.
"As i said, she does her best. Even if she's close to the other girlfriends, even if they're family, LITERALLY in my case, they're not HER girlfriends. She has One Boyfriend, whom she will marry after high school, and then give her her first time after the wedding. At least, that's what I believe. But...well, even if we're very alike, I shouldn't presume that what I know is 100% correct."
Nano nodded, accepting it. It DID make sense. It also, again, explained why she hid how horny she constantly was, despite it being the open secret.
"Thank you for the answers Hahari-san"
"Oh please dear... call me Mommy~ "
Nano Was Not Heterosexual (and unlike a different pink-haired titty monster, she could admit it)
"Thank you...Mommy"
And she left while Mommy made a mess under her desk, Mei already going on her knees to clean up..with her tongue...with Hahari drooling and dearly, clearly wishing she'd lap up the source of it too.
Were there ANY straight girls in Rentarou's family??
After her, she decided to ask Ahko, who was besties with Karane. Or at least that's what she thought, before she walked in to them making out as well. So after Karane actually left, she approached.
"...I intended to ask if you knew why your friend was not aware of her interest in women...I think I might have been unaware of a few things"
Ahko chuckled, laying down on Nano's lap. It was a good lap, well rated with her girlfriends and boyfriend.
"Yeahh we kiss a lot. And hold hands. And all that stuff yknow. And dee-double-u, we ARE girlfriends. Well, she said, 'it's not like we can't be girlfriends', in that big tsundere tone. So yeah it's official!"
Nano pursed her lips.
"Are you...aware, your girlfriend has a penchant for also kissing Hakari Hanazono a lot?"
Ahko grinned, entirely too carelessly.
"I have eyes, so yes. Also the manga-"
"YES. Sorry, just..mildly triggering topic."
Ahko nodded, respecting that.
"But yeah I know, those two totally have had a thing for each other. Probably since that threeway kiss, for real."
"Do you happen to understand why she officially girlfriended you, but remains saying her kisses with Hakari are invalid?"
"Chicken"
Nano blinked, now in the confused configuration.
"Chicken"
"Yeah. Hakari gets her all worked up and frustrated, so she won't let herself admit it. She'll only admit it when Hakari admits it first, that they AREN'T nothing. That those kisses matter."
That made sense...in a tsundere way at least.
"Could it also be..a little bit of feeling sour at Hakari claiming they mean nothing?"
Ahko got mildly serious, though her face didn't change much (something Nano and her had in common, honestly)
"Maybe...but that's something they'll have to figure themselves"
Nano sighed. Certainly, the mystery had at least a hypothesis of a solution, but it was frustrating to see them just...never admitting something so important
How many girls so far were aware of their non-platonic relationship to other girls? Herself, Ahko, Karane about Ahko, Shizuka, Mimimi, Meme, Hahari, Mei, Mai, Kurumi and Momiji, Momoha...
Even if he didn't realize it, Rentarou loved them, sapphism included. And in this family, they should not be shamed for something important about themselves.
Nano couldn't let it just stay this way between them, the first girls...there was one more person she could talk to about this...though it'd be a pain.
"I AM THE GOD OF LOVE-eaaaccckk stop!!"
Nano was antsy. She was meeting a deity, and it was the one that allowed this whole family to start, but also he massively messed up and put their lives at risk with how he did it. And he had a tendency to be arrogant, and to show up from somewhere surprising. Not to mention the whole 'she only learned it from reading her own world as a manga'. Naturally, her reaction to the being himself showing up behind her was to taser him. And then pepper spray him. And then flamethrow him.
"HAVEN'T YOU HEARD OF OVERKILL"
"You're a god. This can't possibly kill you. I'd have to go beyond lethal force to have a chance."
"THAT'S COLD"
After a few minutes finally she calmed down.
"Apologies. I come to ask, as the god of love..why it is that Hakari and Karane have not admitted their feelings. And if they ever will, of their own volition."
"Nope they're doomed"
Nano glared, actually visibly.
"Hey hey it's not on me!! Blame Shueisha!!"
Nano..had no idea who that was.
"The publishing company for our manga! Hell, you can go one step further and blame Japanese society, which treats any woman, real or otherwise, as idols for simpering boys and men to place or project themselves as their partners. They do it even for you all! Despite the fact not even a hundredth of those men will reach even a fraction of what Rentarou does for you. I'm just the plot device to get 100 girlfriends! Would they even let it happen if it wasn't under threat of death to you all??"
Now that was a chilling thought...perhaps Nano should pay more attention to social currents, if this is their enemy..wait hang on.
"If that's the case, how can Ahko and Karane be a thing? Or me, Shizuka, Mimimi and Meme?"
The god waved his hand.
"Oh that's because this is a fan-written story made by a simpering lesbian-"
The god of love punched himself for insulting me-I mean for being so reductive.
"HEY HEY STOP THAT. But yes. You and the rest are very much allowed to love each other thanks to that. The only reason Hakarane have not is because of the actual issues Hahari and Ahko mentioned. They ARE pretty reasonable motives."
"So..you are saying this is not entirely connected to our official reality? We can do anything?"
Yes Nano you can do anything, please do gay-ass shit with Shizuka, Mimimi and Meme.
"I believe, even if only in this fragment of reality, I will fix it. Else I will go mad...I'll enjoy time with my girlfriends after."
WOOT
"Why should I a-admit that!? Which isn't true! But why?"
Nano decided it would be literally impossible to get a tsundere to cave in first. So she went to the other person.
"Because you care about her...and your denial is hurting her."
She didn't know that was for sure but...it was something she could use
Hakari frowned.
"Karane already knows she is into women. She's dating Ahko, in fact."
"..good for them but..then there's no reason for me to date her too..right? I mean, she already has a girlfriend-"
"AND a boyfriend. That you also date. Polyamory can NOT be some new idea to you, Hakari. And I don't think you'd think less of it given how well you think of Rentarou. Is it truly..that you wish to be normal, in contrast to your mother?"
Hakari eep'ed, in shock, then sighed.
"Was it that obvious?"
Nano nodded, unwilling to soften things up.
"I just..look, I love my mother. I really do. But she crosses the line twice over sometimes, and while I don't think she's evil nor hate her for it, I don't..want to be seen like her. I don't wanna be The Horny Monster like she is. I just want to be a girl, in a relationship with a nice boy, and have some amount of sex, at the right time. Is that too much to ask?"
Nano stayed quiet, but then steeled on.
"Only if your needs are not met. If you don't want to be the horny monster, that's alright. Quite frankly, I believe it won't reach that level, however easy it is to arouse you. But are you sure what you envision isn't too little, just as the other end is too much?"
Hakari scratched her cheek.
"...Maybe. So I just..what, tell Karane that the kisses do mean something?"
Nano nodded, that seemed prudent enough..of course, prudence wasn't the forte of the family.
So, it was unsurprising the next day when rather than taking Karane to the side, apologizing, and such, she grabbed her, dipped her, kissed her on the lips, and uttered, very seriously:
"You mean so much to me, Karane. Let's go on a real date."
Of course, she dipped a little too far, and the two fell..or WOULD have fallen if Karane wasn't Yor-levels of strong, and flipped them around to princess carry her.
"It's-It's-IT'S NOT LIKE I'VE WANTED TO BE YOUR GIRLFRIEND FROM THE DAY WE MET AND I'M VERY HAPPY TO HOLD YOU LIKE THIS AND WANT TO GO ON A DATE WITH YOU FOR EVERY WEEK WE'VE NOT DATED"
And Hakari understood, every word she actually meant.
Everyone cheered. Including Rentarou, who cried.
"They're such close friends now!! I'm so happy for them!"
..But that was a problem for another fan-written story. For now, Nano had seen a problem and solved it, and that was enough for her..well except for her reward.
So, happily, she sat at her girlfriend's (Mimimi) lap, who was sitting on their girlfriend's (Meme) lap, and then sat her girlfriend (Shizuka) in her own lap. And the Nano (and the simpering lesbian author) was content.